"Krieg, Moxxie, Millie, I want to know how Blitzo got his means to the mortal world." demanded Charlie like an angry mother who had just caught her kids stealing from the candy jar."We'd tell ya, but Blitzo has been radio silent 'bout how he got that thing." said Millie. "Speaking of, where'd he n' Loona go?" The Vault Hunters and hotel staff turned to see the imp and hellhound legging it. "Hey! HEY!!" shouted Charlie as the group gave chase. As they turned the corner, they were nearly ran over as Blitzo sped by in the I.M.P. van.
Salvador was walking down the street, holding some ice creams he'd bought for everyone, when suddenly a red and black Chevy stepvan came barreling towards him. The dwarf was pinned to the van's grille as it continued down the road. Sal was surprisingly nonchalant about his current situation. "Damn it!" shouted Vaggie as she threw her spear to the pavement in anger. "How are we supposed to tell where the fuck they went!?" "They seem to have accidentally brought Sal with them in their haste, maybe I can try callin' him, see if that works." said Axton.
STOLAS' CASTLE, GREED RING, LATER THAT DAY:
Salvador woke up from a nap, still stuck to the van's front, when he noticed it pulling up to an enormous castle covered in moons, stars, and other astrological crap. The van came to a halt and Sal fell to the ground. Blitzo and Loona hopped out. "Alright ,Loonie, remember, through the back so that whore, Stella doesn't see us." As the 2 slinked away, Sal got a call on his phone. "Oh, hey guys! I was getting you all ice cream when the imp guys' van ran into me!" "Sal, where'd the van take you?" asked Gaige on the other end. "It took me to some sorta fancy castle. Either Blitzo's got some royal connections, or we're just gonna throw Harry Potter into this crossover melting pot." "Follow them, we need to find out where they got that magical book from." "Alright then. Stealth isn't exactly my forte, but I'll try." Sal hung up and followed Blitzo and Loona to the castle's back entrance, attempting to not be seen or heard. He managed to find a ventilation shaft to crawl through so as to not risk getting too close to Blitzo or Loona. "I feel like there's a Die Hard reference to be made here..." Sal muttered to himself as he crawled forward.
Suddenly, the shaft gave out and he landed in the kitchen. As he recomposed himself, he looked up to notice an imp butler who conveniently matched his build to where he could steal his clothes to pose as a member of the castle's staff. One act of identity theft later, Sal locked the unconscious butler in the pantry. After taping a pair of red jalapeños to his head for good measure, Salvador exited the kitchen and roamed the castle's halls, looking for where Blitzo may be with the book. Cue an immensely tall peacock-woman, who Sal presumed was Stella, storming towards him. "SERVANT! I'm leaving for a wine-tasting with some of my friends." She proceeded to drop a mountain of clothes into Sal's arms. "And while I'm gone, I want these dresses to be cleaned and hung to dry yesterday!" "Ay ay ay, at least you could've said please." snarled Sal under his breath as he walked past her with the clothes. "WHAT WAS THAT!?" shouted Stella, turning to see Sal having turned the corner towards the laundry room. "Hmmph, exactly as I thought." she said as she walked out the front door.
"Well I feel bad for the sap married to her." remarked Sal as he dropped the clothes in the laundry room. As he continued upstairs, he suddenly bumped into a another bird demon, this time an owl, who was wearing a beanie, with a black hoodie over a pink shirt covered in stars and moon. "Oi, watch where you're going, dick." She walked past Sal down the hall. Breathing a sigh of relief, Salvador then walked towards a fancy set of bedroom doors, where he heard Blitzo's voice, as well as another more posh, British-sounding voice coming from inside. Sal tried to open the doors, but they were locked, so he decided to find a different way to see inside. "Hmmm, bedrooms like that usually have big ol' windows." Sal wondered aloud. "Maybe if I just found a ladder, I could peek inside, see just who Blitzo's bargaining with."
Salvador ran back downstairs and outside. He found a much smaller, skinnier imp attempting to drag a ladder behind him. "Uhhhh, hey there, fellow imp servant!" "My name is Pringle, if you didn't know." said the tiny imp. "Oh, well Pringle, what're ya doing with that ladder?" Sal said, trying desperately to keep up the whole castle-servant-imp facade. "Lord Stolas needs me to clean the windows, as they've been getting rather dirty lately." "Well, you seem to be struggling with all that stuff, pal. How about I deal with the windows, and you head inside, have yourself a break?" "Really?" exclaimed Pringle, a smile breaking out on his face. "Why, thank you!" Salvador grabbed the ladder as Pringle joyfully skipped back inside.
Sal found the window to Stolas' room, and put the ladder against the balcony. He climbed up and hopped next to the window, which was partially opened. Through this opening, he peered through and saw Blitzo and another owl, likely Stolas, sharing a post-coital cigarette.
"Now, Blitzy, for a while now, I've been lending you my grimoire, so you and your little friends can your business successfully, but I'm going to need it this weekend." "What for?" asked Blitzo. "The Wrath Ring's annual Harvest Moon Festival is around the corner, and I require the grimoire to bless the ceremony." "Alright, just don't expect me to come, don't really like being around those inbred chucklefucks." "You know, Blitzy, I could use some... security while I'm at the festival..." said Stolas, temptingly. "Ok, fine, I'll call M and- hey, what the!?" Stolas and Blitzo turned to see Salvador looking into the window, listening in on their conversation. "Welp, time to blow this joint!" said Sal as he lept from the balcony. "Huh, wonder what was up with that guy." remarked Blitzo.
Salvador: Master Of Disguise, ladies and gentlemen.
