"-won't even talk to me anymore," Gellert Grindelwald says, dramatically splayed across the armchair opposite the couch Voldemort and Harry are sitting on.
The Dark Lord broke into the house and tried to duel Voldemort because he also read the Daily Prophet newspapers and saw the article about 'Dumbledore's patronus' and got…jealous?
Harry was fully ready to just make a run for it with Tom because he thought the Dark Lords were fighting to see who reigned supreme – and then he remembered that Grindelwald is super gay for Dumbledore and cleared up that misunderstanding.
Voldemort looked particularly sickened at the thought of having just been conned into a duel for Dumbledore's love.
They then retreated to the sitting room (because Grindelwald just didn't leave) and Harry first ushered Tom back to bed (except the boy was definitely eavesdropping for information right now) before bringing some tea to the two Dark Lords in hopes that having their hands occupied meant a slower reaction time in reaching for their wands should anything go wrong.
Voldemort has now zoned out entirely because he's not getting any new blackmail from this but Harry is politely nodding along as Grindelwald describes his long-suffering attempts to reconcile with his lover because he's now found a kindred spirit in Voldemort and wants to complain to a 'sympathetic party'.
"How did you two stay together despite the Dark Lord thing?" Grindelwald sighs.
"Um," Harry says slowly. "Actually, Volde – Marvolo and I aren't really together."
"Is it the incest thing?" Grindelwald says sympathetically. "No need to be embarrassed, the heart wants what the heart wants."
"That was actually a joke," Harry admits.
"Nonsense, you two are practically soulmates," Grindelwald says casually.
Voldemort chokes on his tea and coughs, wheezing concerningly enough that Harry reaches over and hits him on the back a few times to try and help. It is, unfortunately, a rather accurate assessment.
"No," Voldemort hisses after he recovers slightly. "We are not lovers like you and Dumbledore. I would kill Harry if I could."
"Ah, blood pact is it?" Grindelwald muses. "A tricky thing, I'm glad I'm not the one having to fight it."
"Worse," Voldemort complains. "It's not that I can't physically murder him, it's just that his death would inconvenience me – which means I have to protect him from everyone else as well."
"Do tell," Grindelwald gushes in interest, leaning forward with an elbow propped up on his knee. "Dark magic I'm assuming."
"It won't work for your situation, ours is…special." Voldemort grits out the last word like he tastes something disgusting.
Grindelwald sighs and sits back again. "Honestly, I have such Albus-withdrawal I'm willing to just throw a love potion at him-"
"No!" Harry and Voldemort both yell. They look at each other and it takes a moment for Voldemort to understand that Harry's reticence is because of Voldemort's situation with his parents-
"Anyway!" Harry cries, quickly looking away from Voldemort's slowly worsening death glare. "Love potions definitely won't endear you to Dumbledore. I recommend giving him some time-"
"Take him on a holiday," Voldemort cuts in. "Teaching at Hogwarts and attending so many Wizengamot sessions, oh my, Dumbledore must be exhausted."
Harry waits for the catch.
"Take him to Germany," Voldemort continues, perfectly pleasant. "Tour the world, keep him occupied. Away from Britain. Actually, put him in Nurmengard until the Stockholm Syndrome sets in. And then keep him there anyway."
"Or!" Harry tries. "Or you could respect his wishes and not force him into a relationship."
Both Dark Lords scoff at that.
It is at this point that Tom has gotten tired of standing in the hallway listening in and has assessed that the other Dark Lord is not a particular danger at the moment. Even if he is, Tom's older self can handle it.
So Tom simply walks into the room and clambers up onto the couch between Harry and Voldemort, taking the tea Harry hands him and accepting the napkin Voldemort places over his lap because Tom still drops crumbs when he eats biscuits.
"A child," Grindelwald says like he's just had an epiphany.
"No," Harry says.
"Yes, a child," Voldemort offers. "Get Dumbledore a German one. Not in Britain."
"He couldn't possibly say no to the father of his child," Grindelwald states excitedly.
"Please don't steal a small kid," Harry rushes out quickly.
Tom raises an eyebrow up at Harry. "He says, like a hypocrite."
Albus opens the door to his homey little cottage he putters around in while Hogwarts isn't in session and freezes in shock.
"Look what I made," Gellert says because he's never really understood the concept of niceties such as greeting people despite how many times Albus has explained to him, turning and gesturing smugly to a little blond-haired boy waiting further out along with a trunk of luggage.
Albus looks between the boy and Gellert, dazed enough that he doesn't even acknowledge the fact that Gellert got past his wards without even alerting him – but of course he did, how could Albus keep him away with the blood pact preventing them from hurting each other and the ward had been geared to actively trap Gellert because Albus didn't even think-
The boy has the same blond hair as Gellert, the same bright blue eyes, the same tilt to his head as he studies Albus right back. A child. Gellert's child.
"How dare you," Albus whispers.
Gellert's eyebrows furrow and then relax. "Oh, mein Liebe, it is not-"
Albus punches him in the face because if magic doesn't work he's willing to do it the muggle way. "You! Gellert, you-" Albus takes gasping breaths. "Have you come to mock me?!"
Gellert only laughs as he stumbles, grabbing Albus' wrists after a brief struggle and dragging him in until their foreheads bump together. "My soul and my heart, meine suna und meine sterne."
Albus braces his feet and yanks away but Gellert doesn't let go and they go stumbling back against the wall of the cottage, a gust of wind whipping up around them as Albus' magic reacts and Gellert tries to sooth him.
"With Dark magic," Gellert promises. "I made him with Dark magic, Albus," he says fondly.
Albus pauses, eyes wide. He looks away, lips pursed.
"Mein Liebe," Gellert coos, leaning in so he can better hold Albus against the wall, switching his grip from Albus' wrists to his hands, keeping their linked fingers pressed together in front of them. "Really? What, you thought I managed to get it up for a woman long enough to cheat on you and then came to brag about it?"
"Why is there a child that looks like you?" Albus snaps.
"Well he was meant to look like both of us but it was a rushed job," Gellert admits.
"That explains nothing!"
Gellert pauses because now that he's here, he isn't so certain this was a good idea. "If you have our child to look after, you can't run off to war."
Albus closes his eyes. "Gellert."
"And you can't keep ignoring me," Gellert continues quickly, getting it all out in a rush. "And you'll have to let me visit. And, really, for the sake of the child's development we should stop fighting."
Albus takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He peers over Gellert's shoulder to the child now sitting casually on the trunk, blatantly watching them in curiosity. "Who…how did you do it?"
"Technically it's a younger version of myself that I just tweaked a bit," Gellert explains. "Okay, actually, the only thing I changed was to make him asexual because I am not fighting him for your love – that would be ridiculous."
"Yes, that would be the most ridiculous thing you've done today," Albus sighs. He tries to disentangle their hands but Gellert clutches on like a limpet. "I have neighbours. They're going to see me…cavorting with a Dark Lord."
"I'm sure they're used to it with all those newspaper articles circulating recently," Gellert mutters petulantly. He perks up. "I'll be coming around more often anyway. Unless you'd like to move to Germany with me, Marvolo did recommend I show you Nurmengard."
"You've been talking with Slytherin," Albus realises, narrowing his eyes. "I didn't know Dark Lords had a little self-help group. How to stop your enemy from defeating you; give them a child to take care of."
"Interestingly enough," Gellert muses, absolutely unphased by Albus' sarcasm. "Marvolo is also quite stuck, unable to kill Harry. But they live together rather peacefully – okay no, that's a blatant lie, but they attempt to be peaceable and little Tom is…strange but well-adjusted enough."
Albus tries again to pull himself away but while he manages to free his hands, Gellert wraps his arms around Albus' waist and locks his fingers together at Albus' back. They stare at each other for a long moment. Gellert raises an eyebrow, a smirk building on his face.
"You are an adult," Albus says pointedly.
"I am whatever you want me to be, mein Liebe," Gellert purrs.
"How about you be a good person?"
Gellert pauses.
"The problem, Gellert, isn't if I love you," Albus admits. "It's if I love you enough to overlook all the horrible things you're doing. I don't. I can't."
"You know my visions," Gellert says softly, seriously. "You know what the muggles will do. You know how much wizards can help if only we didn't have to hide our nature as if we are abnormal."
"And you've gone straight to suppressing them like that's the only option," Albus accuses. "Gellert, you know, we've done it often enough - it's the leaders that tell people to kill, that convince them to. Power hungry muggles do not speak for a whole race, just like you do not speak for all wizardkind."
"Then help me be better, we'll make plans like when we were teenagers," Gellert says.
"You won't listen."
"We have a child together, can't you see I'm trying?" Gellert offers.
"Trying what?" Albus laughs, sounding hollow. "You've brought me a living, breathing little boy as a bargaining chip, so you can tie me to you. What part of that is trying?"
"I am helping people, for the greater good," Gellert says earnestly, genuinely believing the words.
"The difference between you and me, Gellert, is that I have grown up from childish plans to take over the world," Albus retorts, shoving Gellert's arms away one last time and turning to head back inside to escape using the floo because Gellert has set up anti-apparition wards.
"I'll stop the violence," Gellert says.
Albus pauses. "No. No, you won't."
"I don't have time to do it the political way before the muggles start their war," Gellert says. "But I could, with you. If you join me."
Albus hesitates.
"I hate everything about this," Voldemort deadpans.
Harry is applauding along with the rest of the crowd as Dumbledore finishes his rousing speech. "Oh don't pout. If he wins, it's because he's better than you."
"I'm fighting a Light Lord and a Dark Lord," Voldemort complains. "They've fenced me in because they're cooperating from both sides of the law. I'm going to have to assassinate one of them."
"You can kill Gellert," says Lerty, the little version of Grindelwald standing by Tom in front of Harry and Voldemort. "I'll help because I'm going to grow up and marry Albus, so my older self is in the way," Lerty explains simply because Grindelwald's tweaking didn't really stick when he made the child.
Voldemort gestures angrily down at the boy. "And now I also have this one to deal with!"
Tom looks up at Voldemort. "Just point the Grindelwald's at each other. Dumbledore will take Lerty's side and Grindelwald won't stand a chance." Tom pauses. "Like with you and Harry."
Voldemort narrows his eyes. "Perhaps I should send you off to boarding school early."
"Don't threaten Tom," Harry snaps back. "It's bad for a child's development."
"You turned out fine," Voldemort retorts and then realises what he said and instead switches tracks. "It was barely a threat."
Pushing through the crowd is a disguised Grindelwald hand in hand with Dumbledore, who immediately separates to scoop up Lerty onto a hip. "I hope that wasn't too bad," Dumbledore chuckles. "I'm a bit out of practice with public speaking that isn't in front of a class of children."
"You were super-duper good," Lerty says in that childish way he does when he wants something.
Dumbledore coos and kisses Lerty on the cheek for being such a sweetheart.
Tom starts tugging on Harry's jumper. "Up."
"You hate being carried," Harry scoffs dismissively. "Don't get jealous just because Lerty is being held."
"Up!" Tom says, more insistent.
Harry rolls his eyes good naturedly and lifts Tom up onto a hip as well.
Grindelwald is glaring at Lerty over Dumbledore's shoulder because the boy is hardly subtle.
Neither is Tom actually, Voldemort notes with a rising sense of horror. Tom is clutching around Harry's neck and rubbing his cheek against the soft, fluffy jumper.
"Fuck," Voldemort hisses, slipping into Parseltongue in his distress.
"What?" Harry hisses back, automatically in Parseltongue as well because he never really managed to get a handle on his language issues.
"You cradle robber," Voldemort blurts out.
"What are you smoking?" Harry complains.
.
A/N: There you go, now we have a Gellert XD.
