Baba liked the sound of twenty paws hitting the mud. It sounded like progress. As a group they ran, back towards the perimeters of their beloved China. Against the backdrop of the sinking sun, they could see the great wall, momentarily cast into winged shadows as the bats flew overhead. Looking up, Dongwa was heartened to recognize that scattered amongst the ranks of Fu-Fu's friends were several dozen Rebelwing Fliers, also calling Sheegwa's name. Then, as he gazed up at them, the dark cloud they formed exploded as they parted ways.
He felt each step he took inside his chest. Despite the distance between him and them, the collective flapping of their wings was a deafening sound. Not because they were too close, but because his brain was in a shambles; he could hear everything. He heard the one trilling insect as if there were thousands. And like his parents, he knew what he would see if he looked behind him. Lately Sagwa's face was always stern if she was running...on the other paw, Dongwa had seen her veering off to the side once or twice. Maybe she wasn't so much chasing the mirage of Sheegwa as she was concentrating on her balance. She remained quiet and unattached, and it was quite obvious she would rather have been alone. But in exploring unfamiliar territory yet again, even Hun-Hun had voted on staying close. As the search for Sheegwa continued, seemingly without end; whispers of her strange behavior swept through the line of cats.
"She's acting weird."
"She's just having an off day."
"Because of Sheegwa? Hasn't it been two weeks?"
Sagwa didn't really notice the voices. But she did, however, notice Dongwa's recurring glances in her direction. Already having lost count, the next time he turned his head she picked up her pace and caught up to him. "What are you looking at?" she demanded.
"I'm worried about you."
"Well...well, worry about her!" Sagwa spat. "And keep your eyes to yourself!"
She slowed, allowing herself to fall back. He turned around and she nearly collided with him. Hearing the change in footsteps, the others turned as well.
"I don't understand. Are you mad at me, for something?"
Sagwa huffed a sigh, glaring at him. Then she turned away.
"Where are you going?" Mama asked.
"This way."
"We can't just split up," Baba began. "We already took a vote."
Sagwa stopped like she had slammed into an invisible wall. She turned around. "Can we stop voting on every little thing we do? There are literally no kittens here."
"This is not about age, Sagwa," Mama began.
"Your mother and I have been voting as well," Baba added. "It is only to make things fair."
"Fair," Sagwa scoffed. "We're homeless, your daughter is missing, it's been two weeks, I don't think we'll ever find her...and you think you can make things...fair?"
Dongwa's eyes flashed. "Will you stop saying we'll never find her!"
"Then tell me we will," she challenged. "Look me in the eyes and tell me."
The answering silence was, in a way, deafening.
"Sagwa," Baba finally said, "We are all doing our best. There's no right way."
"Really? There isn't?"
"No."
"Then how dare you stand there and tell me I'm wrong?"
Realizing she was at, or almost at, the end of her rope; Baba found himself without a response. When Sagwa turned and began to run, and Mama bristled to call after her; he shook his head. "Let her go," he said, unable to believe the words were coming from him.
"Let her go? Are you out of your mind?" Mama demanded.
"Hers is made up." Baba turned to face his mate. "If that's the way she wants to be, let her be. We can't waste any more time with Sagwa."
His voice was calm, but his words still hurt. And yet, Mama knew, he was right. Hating herself for doing so, she nodded in agreement and continued after him. And Dongwa stood still; not knowing who he should follow.
-0-0-0-0-
Sagwa ran through the forest with a speed that surprised even her. Despite her excellent vision, the land seemed to blur around and beneath her. She felt like a bat-cat hybrid; running and flying through the woods.
She stopped abruptly. The forest was totally silent; all she could hear was her own heavy breathing.
And then the single screech of a lonely bluejay - but then the forest was quiet again. Sagwa jumped up onto a felled log and peered past the trees. Nothing. Nothing. More and more, it felt like Sheegwa was following them. Not wanting to be found. Avoiding them. She spun around to see if Sheegwa was trying to hide behind some bamboo. But, nothing.
She sat down hard, suddenly realizing she was exhausted. Then a white blur made her look up. At the sight of her, Sagwa was just getting ready to jump off the log and run to her when she noticed that Sheegwa's body seemed a little transparent. And her markings were gone.
Sagwa blinked several times fast and the hallucination vanished. Another wave of fatigue threatened to drown her. She nearly slid off the log and barely had time to crawl into its concealing security before passing out. After all, she couldn't find her if she was dead...and maybe she just couldn't find her.
-0-0-0-0-
The darkness against her eyelids made her foggy mind aware that she had been out for awhile.
The familiar voice made her less foggy fast.
"Aren't you still going to look for me?"
Sagwa sat up, wide-eyed, and peered out of the log. Tentatively, she crawled out to get a better look. She was still alone.
Was she more rested now? She couldn't tell yet.
Sagwa sat down and rubbed fiercely at her eyes; then stood up and looked wildly around the forest. She could still see the great wall, and the moon rising in the west. She knew immediately which way her family had gone; and silently thanking Bei-Hu, she began to move through the shadowy forest.
-0-0-0-0-
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The Great Wall Of China is in Beijing and Sagwa takes place in Fujian. Probably couldn't see it from the village...but this show is about talking cats who mate with fish, breathe underwater and have better penmanship than people, so I let it slide. Anyway, the Rebelwing Fliers wear sunglasses. Cute show, but wow.
