Chapter 6:
The next morning was hell to wake up to.
Even with the blinds closed, the small amount of light getting through made his eyes hurt. The pounding in his head was making it hard to think and eventually, he realised he had some painkillers in the drawer for occasions such as this. Dry swallowing a couple, Roach pulled the covers over his head and waited for the pain to subside.
The events of the previous evening came back to him and he sat upright in shock. Had he kissed Ghost? He must have done because he could still remember the feel of Ghost's lips. He covered his face and groaned.
What the hell was he going to say when he came face to face with Ghost again?
Then the rest of their conversation came back to him, along with the question of who Simon Riley was. To answer that, he needed Soap. With the headache dulled to a minor throb, Roach got up. He paused, sniffing his underarms.
First things first, a shower.
Once he was ready, Roach found Soap in his office. He looked up when Roach knocked and entered. "What's up?"
"I need to ask you something, but promise you won't mention it Ghost." Roach shut the door and sat down opposite his Captain across the desk.
Soap raised his eyebrow. "Does this have to do with Ghost telling you you deserve better than Simon?" He chuckled as Roach looked at him in surprise.
"Were you eavesdropping?!"
"It's not my fault you two decided to have a loud conversation right by where I was smoking." Soap leaned back in his chair, appraising him for a moment. "I don't know who he is."
Roach sighed in disappointment. He had been so sure Soap would be able to help him.
"At least, that's what I'm supposed to say. What I tell you now, it goes no further than this room, ok? If Ghost found out, he would kill me. I'm only telling you because it will help you understand him better, and I don't want you accidentally stepping on a land mine concerning him. We both know he can be... sensitive about being open with people."
Roach nodded. "Yeah, I've noticed getting too close to him usually ends up aggravating him."
"So, Simon Riley." Soap held his gaze for a long moment. "It's Ghost, his name. Although, he's never told me that himself, I just happen to have access to his file. I wouldn't go around calling him Simon either. I won't go into it, but the gist is, Ghost's past is complicated and he's put it away in a box, including his name."
Roach digested that, trying to understand what Soap was telling him. "So... 'Ghost' is a cover-up?"
"Yeah. Simon Riley is dead as far as he's concerned."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I need my Lieutenant functioning. But Ghost is also my friend and I know it takes a lot to get close to him. I don't want to see him pushed further into his head." Soap paused, it looked like an idea had come to him. "Did he take off his mask?"
"Yes."
"Ghost cares about you. Don't fuck him over." Soap stood up and smiled. "And please don't tell him we had this little chat."
"I won't, promise."
There was another knock at the door and to Roach's surprise and panic, it was Ghost. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No, Roach and I were just finishing up." Soap sat back down. "I take it you need something?"
"I'll see myself out." Roach left, carefully scooting around Ghost but the man grabbed his arm at the door.
"Wait for me, I'll only be a minute."
"Ok." He didn't have much choice since Ghost could just track him down later if he didn't stay.
Leaning against the wall as he waited, Roach's thoughts couldn't help but stray to the night before. It was only then he realised he couldn't remember Ghost's face. Had he been that drunk? All he could recall was the dark hair and brown eyes. No... that wasn't true. Ghost's face had also been scarred, but he couldn't remember the details. Now he regretted drinking so much.
When Ghost reappeared he only motioned for Roach to follow and the two of them went outside. "So what's up?" Roach asked in a forced casual voice.
Ghost laughed. "Were you that drunk that you can't remember anything that happened?"
"No, I remember." He stopped when Ghost caught his wrist in a gentle hold.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I didn't mean you weren't worth it..." He stopped and sighed. "I just..."
"Don't want to fuck me up? I remember what you said." Roach smiled, a little sadly as he also recalled Soap's warning about not pushing Ghost too hard. "And I also remember agreeing to be friends."
"Yeah, I remember too." Ghost let him go and they started walking again. "But the kiss was nice."
"It was." Roach tried to suppress his smile, but couldn't. At least he knew he was a good kisser. "When was the last time you kissed someone?"
"So long ago I can't remember. You?"
"Two years ago, when we last had leave time. My fiancee..." Roach trailed off, remembering how he found out she was cheating on him with his best friend. She was pregnant too and he hadn't been home in over eight months. Not the best holiday he'd ever had.
In hindsight though, he didn't hold it against them. He was never home, his job required him to always be ready to go into action. It was a downside to working with Task Force 141, but he had been willing to pay the price and his relationship had ended for it.
"You're engaged?" Ghost sounded remarkably cold now.
"No, no definitely not. We ended things that time too. She was cheating on me, was pregnant as well. The baby wasn't mine." Roach shrugged. "I'm over it."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drag up bad memories."
"It's in the past now."
"How do make it sound so easy?"
"What?"
"Getting over things like that. Moving on?"
Roach considered this. "What good would it do me to hate them both? I know I'm partially to blame. I was never home, never there for her. To be honest, we were strangers to each other. I loved her once, but distance didn't make the heart grow fonder. Instead of wasting time being angry or feeling sorry for myself, I understood what had happened and put it behind me."
Ghost nodded. "Understanding..."
"You ok in there?" Roach asked.
"Hmm, yeah I'm fine. Just a lot to think about in here." He tapped the side of his head. "Don't worry about it, it's enough to drive anyone mad."
"So why aren't you mad?"
"What makes you think I'm not? I'm more of a high-functioning wreck than you think." By this point, the two of them had completed a circuit around the base. Stopping at the doors in the courtyard, Ghost looked at him. "Maybe one day I'll sort myself out. Or maybe I'll take a bullet to the head and it'll all end."
"Don't say that," Roach said sharply. "Once Makarov's dead, you can do whatever you want, be whoever you want."
"I don't have anything else."
'Simon Riley is dead as far as he's concerned.'
"Come with me then." Roach felt his cheeks flush afterwards. The words had just slipped out. "I-I mean if you wanted somewhere to go. You can come to stay with me until you figure it out."
"That would be nice. But let's focus on killing Makarov first, deal?"
"Deal."
"Listen I'll catch you later, I've got some paperwork to catch up on."
"Alright."
Roach watched Ghost go, pondering what he had learned. Soap was adamant that Ghost had let go of his past. But Roach wasn't so sure. It seemed like the man was considering a future. Or getting himself killed so he didn't have to deal with it. Yeah, maybe Ghost wasn't that stable after all.
What had happened to Ghost to force him to lock himself away? Roach wasn't about to ask, he could already tell how that conversation would go. Whatever had happened, it had been bad. But maybe, Roach could help him. Ghost had been opening up to him if only a little. And if he could help, then surely it was worth it.
Thinking about that kiss, Roach smiled. Yes, it was worth it.
