Chapter 15:

In the following weeks, Gary kept a close eye on Ghost to make sure he was coping. It must have been a big change for him, to be introduced to his family and be Simon again, if only in name. Gary wondered how long it had been since someone had called him that. It made him smile to think that once he had thought this moment impossible, he hadn't been able to imagine introducing Ghost to his family yet here they were. Albeit, he hadn't introduced him as anything more than his friend but it was better than nothing.

One day Gary found that it would just be him and Ghost, the rest of his family were spending the day shopping but he had been banned from joining them. So of course this meant Ghost would be staying too. Although he wouldn't admit it, the thought of being alone with Ghost sent a shiver down his spine. Not that he would act on his feelings, but it still filled him with nervous anticipation.

"Your leg's bouncing." Ghost informed him. "Nervous?"

Gary forced himself to stop. "No, just bored."

"Wanna get something to eat?"

"You'll only force me to burn it off later."

Ghost grinned. "You gotta keep training. I'm not getting held up on the way to an exfil because you got fat and winded."

"You're supposed to relax at Christmas!"

"Not a chance."

"Hardass."

"I believe you're the one with the great ass." Gary looked at him in surprise but only received a grin and shrug in response. "It's true."

Trying to put aside the fact that Ghost had just admitted to checking him out, Roach huffed. "I'm not training anymore, it's hell."

"Pretty please?"

His resolution wavered slightly. "No."

"What do I need to do to make you say yes?" Ghost shifted closer to him, his voice dropping to a whisper.

Gary closed his eyes and shook his head. "You're an asshole. Don't exploit me."

"All's fair in love and war."

Ghost leaned forwards and kissed him.

It was the first kiss they'd shared in months and Gary couldn't help moving closer, wanting more. To his surprise, Ghost didn't pull away. It was the first time they had truly been alone together and he couldn't control the impulses flooding his brain. His hands were in Ghost's hair and he was pulling him closer, kissing him harder. Gary could feel his shirt being pulled up and quickly helped remove it, finding himself pushed back on the sofa moment's later as Ghost's lips returned to his.

Gary had kissed a few people in his time, slept with both men and women before. Hell, he'd even been engaged at one point. But no one could compare to this. Ghost was so different, so intense it was making his head spin. With their bodies pressed so close together, he could feel Ghost was hard and wasn't surprised to find he was too.

"I'm going to get better, I promise. I'm going to sort myself out, for you."

Gary pulled back as Ghost's words came back to him, guilt quickly dissolving any arousal he had been feeling. What the hell was he doing? This wasn't right. Ghost was supposed to be healing, the incident at the school showed that. He was not supposed to be diving headfirst into a sexual relationship with him.

"Ghost..." He started, hand moving to cup the side of the man's face. "It isn't the right time."

Ghost's eyes closed as he leaned into the touch, his hand coming up to cover Gary's. After a moment, he nodded and their eyes met again. "I wish it was though."

"So do I."

"Fuck." Ghost sighed and sat up, running his hands through his already tousled hair. "This is the first time in a long time that I've wanted someone this badly." Looking down at Gary, he smiled. "But you're right. I don't want to screw this up and I know I will if we do this now."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," He laughed. "I kissed you first."

They both sat up and Ghost moved to the other end of the sofa as Gary put his shirt back on. An awkward silence fell between them as Gary tried to think of something to say. His head was too full of the feeling of Ghost's lips and body to think properly.

"Want to put up the tree?"

"Sorry?" He asked, startled out of his thoughts.

Ghost smiled and stood up. "I need a distraction from you. So, do you want to put up the Christmas tree?"

"Oh, ok."

Gary led the way and they managed to get the boxes down from the attic. It took a while to get started. It was a new tree that Gary had never seen before and of course, the instructions were long gone.

"I didn't expect it to be this hard." Ghost frowned as he tried attaching two parts. With a grunt, he managed to push them together. But when he bent down it broke and fell on him.

Gary laughed and moved it away. "Maybe we should google it?"

Ghost rubbed his head. "You think it's funny?"

"A little bit, yeah." His eyes widened and he ducked when Ghost threw a tree branch at him. "Not cool!"

"Just checking your reflexes." Ghost sighed and stretched out on the floor.

Surrounded by tree debris and tinsel he made an odd sight. For a moment Roach thought about the future, well more accurately their future. Would they be sat doing this in a few years, still trying to put up this same damned tree? The thought simultaneously filled him with hope and sadness. Who knew if they'd both be alive in a few years, but it was a nice thought.

"What's up?" Ghost sat up with a frown.

"Nothing. I was just thinking we need to find instructions or we'll never get this thing up. I'll go look them up." Gary stood quickly and left the room.

It hadn't been the first time he'd thought about a future with Ghost, but the realisation that it was what he truly wanted scared him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ghost. The thought made his heart race and his palms started sweating.

He grabbed Amber's laptop and sat at the table to try and find the instructions. Then he realised he didn't even know the make of the tree. With a sigh, he returned to the living room and sat down on the sofa instead. As he copied the manufacturing information off the box, Ghost sat down next to him.

"You going to tell me what's got you so rattled?"

"Can't hide anything from you, can I?" Gary sighed but kept his eyes on the screen. They had agreed to always be honest with each other even if it was painful. So he would be honest. "I want a future with you. I want to try and fail to put up this damn tree next year, and the year after that and every year until too many pieces are missing and we have to buy a new one..." He trailed off, thoughts returning to that happy thought. "I'm in love with you. But I know it's not the right time. Sometimes it's just hard, you know?"

"I do know." Ghost reached over and took his hands. "Come here." Pushing the laptop away, he pulled Gary into his arms. "How about we make a deal?"

"I'm listening." Gary pressed his head into Ghost's chest. The smell of soap, deodorant and the faint trace of something that reminded him of the base comforted him greatly.

"Let's go buy a real tree, right now. And every year from now on, we'll but another one." Ghost's arms tightened around him. "Every year."

"Ok. But can we stay here for a few minutes?"

"I'd like that."

Gary closed his eyes and relaxed into Ghost's arms. It was incredibly comforting to be held like this, not that he'd ever say it aloud. When Ghost shifted, Gary realised what was so comforting about his smell. It reminded him of the base because he'd spent so much time with Ghost. All those days training and fighting beside this man, all those close encounters and they all ended with this smell, with the safety of Ghost's arms.

He fisted the back of the man's shirt tightly. "I love you."

"You've already said that." He felt rather than heard Ghost chuckle.

"I just want you to know."

"I do." There was a slight pause and Gary felt his heart rate pick up again. "I care about you, so much Roach. I..." He trailed off and although he couldn't say the words, Roach could still hear them hanging in the air. "Sorry."

"Don't be, I know too." He pulled back so their faces were almost touching and smiled. "We should go get that tree then."

"In a moment." Ghost murmured before leaning into him and kissing him. This time there was no heat to the kiss, just a gentle press of their lips together before it was gone. "Alright, let's go."

It felt strange to be doing something so normal. Gary felt so out of place amongst all the families and couples as the two of them strolled around trying to pick a tree.

"What about this one?" Ghost stopped to touch one.

"You do realise how big my living room is, don't you? That would never fit."

"Alright smart ass, you pick one." It took another ten minutes before they settled on one. "Does this count as training?" Gary huffed as they lifted it onto the car roof.

"I'm going to work your nose to the ground when we get back."

As they were driving back, Gary started laughing. "You know, this is the first normal thing we've ever done."

"We've still got to get the thing inside and decorated first."

It didn't take long, this tree was ready to go once they got it inside and set down. The plastic tree lay forgotten in the corner as the new one was laden down with baubles, tinsel and fairy lights.

"You know, I think we did a decent job." Ghost said as they stepped back to admire their work. Gary flicked the switch and the lights came to life around the tree. "Perfect."

Gary nudged his side gently. "Thank you."

"Anytime. I don't want you to be upset, so I'll give you what I can." Ghost's hand entwined with his. "It's not much..."

"It's perfect."

...

Gary was woken early on Christmas Day by his excited sister. "Wake up!"

"It's too early." He moaned pushing her away. She wasn't having no for an answer though and the covers were pulled away. "Amber!"

"It's not like you sleep naked. Come on it's Christmas!"

"Fine. Give me a minute to get changed." Once she'd left he got up and pulled on some fresh clothes. Out on the landing he paused at Ghost's door but decided not to wake him. Someone in the house should get some proper sleep. Downstairs, Amber was already rummaging through the presents. "Eager are we?" He asked around a yawn before sitting down.

"Just getting started." She grinned up at him. "We've got to wait for Simon anyway, he said he'd be down in a minute."

"You woke him too?"

"Well duh." She threw him a present. "Merry Christmas."

"What about mum and dad?"

"They're in the kitchen getting coffee."

Coffee sounded like heaven right about now. Heading into the kitchen he made up two mugs. "Did you get any sleep?" His father asked.

"A little."

"Well you know Amber, she's always loved Christmas." He yawned, causing Gary to yawn too. "Drink up before it gets cold."

"Will do." When he returned to the living room, Ghost was sitting on the sofa. Sitting next to him, Gary handed him one of the mugs. "You look like shit."

"Thanks." Ghost handed him a present. "I almost sat on this."

Opening it, Gary found it was the ugliest sweater he'd ever seen. It was decorated with snowmen and reindeers and covered with multicoloured fuzz balls. He caught Amber's eye and she grinned. "I thought it would bring out the colour in your eyes."

"Nice." Ghost said appreciatively. "You should wear it."

"Not a chance." Five minutes later though he was wearing it. "Not a word, to anybody." He warned Ghost who was still chuckling.

"No promises."

"Here, this is for you." He handed him a small present which instantly made his smile fade.

"I didn't..."

"It's fine, you being here is enough." He spoke quietly so Amber didn't overhear. "This is just something I thought you'd appreciate. Mum helped me so don't forget to thank her too."

Hesitantly, Ghost unwrapped the present. Inside was his own good luck charm in the form of a cartoon ghost, complete with shades. He stared at the charm for a long time without saying anything.

"Too much?"

"No, it's perfect." His hand closed around it and he looked up smiling. "Thank you."

"You best wear it during missions now."

"Every time." Ghost's smile was so genuine it made Gary blush. Thankfully it was too dark for anyone to see.

There was a knock at the door and Amber jumped up. "That'll be John!" And she ran off to answer it.

Gary rolled his eyes. Soap was staying at a nearby motel but was stopping by almost every day. Since he was officially dating Amber, he deemed it imprudent to say at the house. Unlike Ghost who was of course, just a friend. A friend he'd almost had sex with, but a friend nonetheless.

When the two returned, Soap grinned as he caught sight of Gary. "Nice jumper."

"Shut up. You're not allowed to tell anybody back at the base."

"If you say so." Sitting down on Ghost's other side he looked down at the charm he was holding. "I thought you weren't doing presents?"

"Roach had other ideas." He held it out for Soap to take. "Not that I'm complaining, we could all do with a bit of luck."

Their Captain only shook his head. "Better get your head on straight, if I didn't know any better I'd think I was talking to Simon, not Ghost."

"Maybe a little bit." Ghost glanced at Gary and smiled again.

"Did you expect everyone to call him Ghost?" Gary asked. "Do you want to be called Soap?"

He pulled a face but was distracted by Amber who sat down next to him, holding out a present. "Open it." He did and it was his own horrible jumper, complete with bells. "Do you like it?"

"Well, it's certainly unique..." Soap frowned as he took the whole thing in. "I've got to wear it, haven't I?"

"Yes." She kissed his cheek and he sighed.

"The things you do for love."

Ghost started laughing but quickly stopped as another present was dropped on his lap. "Oh no."

"Don't think I forgot you, Simon. I think tinsel will really suit you. Merry Christmas."