AUTHOR'S NOTES
If you're a new reader, please feel free to skip these notes!
Hi everyone! I hope you've been super (I guess minus this pandemic and everything in between). I am still glad to see updates in the Cloud x Lightning community, so a big thank you to all you writers keeping this ship sailing. I love each and every one of you!
I can't believe I am back after… four years. The last update was in early 2017, but I published "Of Pink and Gold" back in 2014 and it was my baby. Unfortunately, I was really young when I started this story and in the middle of a big move. I had just finished playing Final Fantasy XIII a year before starting on this story (I know I was late), and I was completely in love with Lightning. My love for Cloud went way back and I had this feeling that if they met each other at any point there would definitely be love there. That's when I knew I wanted to contribute something to this fandom.
I was really passionate about my story when I started it, but it lacked direction because I was in a very important stage in life. I was trying to focus on writing, but I had a million other things going on. That, coupled with moving to an entirely different country and trying to figure things out… it really took a toll. I also got a fair bit of bashing for this story (in my private messages), which was really demotivating.
Long story short, life happened and I left this account behind. I almost gave up on writing, but the power of the Cloud x Lightning ship literally fished me out from the sea of abandonment. That, combined with the fact that I made a huge decision a few years back. I moved to Japan. (Can't stop laughing at how anticlimactic that sounds). Anyway, it was only after living here and becoming a regular at the Square Enix cafe that I had found this intense urge and motivation to write. It was always there (in all of my pleasant visits), but it really resurfaced the past couple of months.
I knew that deep down inside I wanted to finish my fluffy and light-hearted romance tribute to my ultimate ship.
I know some of you read the original "Of Pink and Gold" and a bunch of awesome folks (many of them incredibly accomplished writers themselves) were kind enough to give me tons of constructive criticism and cheered me on. I appreciate you guys even in 2021 and you are the reason I can come back and finish this story.
I don't know if it was age, or different experiences in different places, but the story that I want to write is now different from the one I wrote. The idea is the same, and it will still be fluffy and cute with OOCness and none of the original plots of the two games. Yet I can't just add the elements I want to the existing story, so I will have to say goodbye to it.
It was a long ride, I know that I loved it most out of anything else I wrote (even though it was poorly done, haha). I just loved it the most because I love my Cloud x Lightning ship the most. I guess that love is still there, so I am going to give it another shot with this story and rewrite it. I don't think my writing style has changed dramatically over the years, but I am excited to see how this new story/rewrite will pan out.
As of October 8, 2021, "Of Pink and Gold" is deleted. The version you are reading now is the new version.
Last but not the least (maybe I should have done this at the beginning of my rant…), I would like to once again thank the most wonderful people ever who appreciated and guided young me: the reviewers of the previous story: Lightningpanda, zeroblade63, Monking II, ATK1734, Guests are cool, cloudxerrostrife, pureunicorntears, Okikun, The Sorrowful Diety, Reaper2008, Phizzixcz, CrazeeistheBest, Guest & iLady A.
It makes me sad that some of the people who read the original fic may not be here anymore. When I came back from my hiatus I found out that my friends in other fandoms had since deleted their stories and disappeared. But I do hope that I get to share my old (but new?) story with at least some of the people who were there to read the original.
If you have made it this far, I can only say thank you so much. And without further ado, here is chapter one.
toomuchofnothing
CHAPTER I. Coming Home
Lightning
The sun was yet to rise, but I was fully awake. The house where we both had lived for so long was silent at this hour. No… it had been silent during all hours for a few months now. There was no sound of pop music playing in the kitchen, no smell of bacon frying. Even the colorful mug, intricate doily and the white lace tablecloth which served as painful reminders of the recent past had all been put away. There was no vase adorned with fresh flowers every morning. The table now lay bare, with a single black mug resting on top of it. I picked it up and began to pour some black coffee in it, finding myself once again notice the lack of life within these walls in excruciating detail.
It was happening again.
I knew what this house was missing, what my life was missing. I had rid myself of anything I thought would make me feel like this, but it was having the opposite effect. The lack of everything simply intensified her absence. As I sipped on the hot liquid and glanced outside the window, I knew today would be the last day I ever felt like this.
I needed to see her.
I needed to see Serah.
Sighing, I walked out on the porch and sunk to the stairs, the fresh air helped with my anxiety. I focused on the warmth of the hot liquid, watching the waves rock back and forth along the shore. I concentrated on the waves and took a deep breath, counting in a quiet voice.
"1, 2, 3...4...5."
The sun was now at its peak, but cool air blew in through the open door and windows. I carefully removed the curtains, packing them away with the last bits of the house's decor in a large cardboard box. A car pulled up in front of the house. The sound of the engine died, hurried steps could be heard and it was replaced with a loud knock on the open door.
"Come in," I answered, sealing the box shut with packing tape.
I was surprised to see the new owners of the house. We had only exchanged text messages until now; they had never called and everything was done through the realtor. It was my first and last time seeing them. The male stood taller than me, with light blue eyes and spiky ash brown hair. The female had chocolate brown eyes, black, medium length hair with buttery highlights and was shorter than us both.
The taller male only gave me a nod and I nodded back, but the shorter female flashed a bright smile in my direction. "Hi! You must be the owner...Miss Farron?" She asked, extending her hand towards me.
Taking it, I replied. "Lightning. Pleasure. Thank you for taking the house on such short notice. I have to say I am a little surprised. You guys are… really young," I found myself saying and earned a laugh from the female and a shrug from the male.
"I am pretty sure you're a lot younger than us," She teased. "Actually the realtor told us this house would be perfect for retirement." The female looked around excitedly before turning to look back at me. I raised an eyebrow, looking over them skeptically. Retirement? They had to be in their mid twenties or early thirties, max.
She sensed my skepticism and laughed lightly again, "We got married and a lot of things happened before that so we decided to… retire early… sorta?" She had a playfulness in her tone that reminded me of Serah. I eased around her, feeling myself relax, letting her continue.
"This house is perfect. Quiet, right by the beach. It's everything we ever wanted!" She told me with another one of those smiles that probably just make people melt on the spot.
"I am glad you think so." I glanced over at the male and he was also grinning. They seemed like a sweet couple. I didn't know what kind of people were buying the house before, but now I had a feeling it would be in good hands.
"Well, that's my cue. I have a plane to catch, so." I shook hands with the couple, a little sad to cut the conversation short with the interesting duo. "I got a copy of the contract from the realtor already," I explained, picking up the taped box. I didn't have a lot of luggage, just one bag which was already in the car. "Everything's been cleaned out so you can decorate it as you like. I did maintenance on the house earlier this month, but if something comes up, just give me a call."
I made one of the longest speeches in my life today. It was actually quite tiring to talk this much but I figured the new owners needed some reassuring. Selling my house, fleeing the country… I probably appeared pretty shady to the regular person. Although something told me they were far from 'regular people.'
"Thanks," the male finally spoke. He hadn't said much since they had come in. "Have a safe flight."
I placed the box in the front seat, walking around and getting into the driving seat. I revved the engine, my eyes trailed back to our house - the house, for one last time. I saw the male twirl the female around in the air as their laughter filled the house. A sound the house had been deprived of for so long.
"Squall! Put me down! Please!" Their voices faded as I drove off, leaving behind the past that had haunted me for so long with contentment.
After dropping off the last box of our belongings for sale, I handed the car keys to my former lieutenant. "Thanks, for everything." I said honestly. His handshake was firm as always.
"Take care, Farron. You're doing the right thing." He gave me one of his trademark nods of approval and I felt somehow even more resolute than before.
"Lieutenant." I gave him a final salute, picking my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I walked in through the boarding gate, turning around to find him still waving with a proud smile. I waved back before getting on the plane.
The flight would be long, almost an entire day, and I would have to connect in a different airport not once but twice. I put on my headphones, hoping to power through the jet lag and discomfort with some optimism. At least all of this meant being close to Serah again.
The first flight was shorter and relatively uneventful. I managed to get about half an hour's worth of sleep before crying kids woke me up. I couldn't fall asleep again.
When I boarded the second, longer flight and settled in my seat, I found myself thinking again of the day we had fought. I had finally taken a break from work to take Serah out. We had gone to the annual fireworks festival and were sitting on the beach, beer in hand, laughing about something I can't remember as we witnessed the sky burst into a hundred colors. I remember feeling happy, as if things between us had gotten better.
But they hadn't.
I had been so focused on work, both the military and parenting, that I had forgotten how to be a sister to Serah. Actually, I hadn't even been a friend to her in a while.
She confessed that she applied to a university abroad and was saving up for it in secret for some time. She had recently gotten her acceptance and she had been meaning to tell me about it. She knew I wouldn't approve — that I would be protective and worried.
And wasn't wrong. If she wanted to study abroad, I wasn't going to get in her way, but it hurt to know that she had already made up her mind without me.
She was growing up too fast, becoming her own person. Maybe she didn't need me anymore.
"Come with me, Claire. Please. Let's leave this place behind. Living in that house where mom and dad…." She paused, tearing up as she set the bottle of beer aside and took my hand in hers, deciding not to finish that train of thought. "We can go to university together," she tried a different approach. "We can start a new life somewhere else."
"I have work," I replied coldly, removing my hand from her grip. "And I can't just throw away our house." I felt anger stirring inside me, feelings of abandonment taking over my rational self. I was going to be abandoned by the one person I swore never to abandon. "My life is here and if you don't want to be a part of it, that's fine. Leave. Do what you want. I don't care," I said vindictively, staring into the sea, trying to drown out the deafening noise of fireworks exploding around us.
I knew my words were hurtful. Heck, they weren't even true! Who was I kidding? There was no life without Serah. Serah was my life. At the time, I couldn't see past my anger. We didn't speak as much as a single word in the following weeks and without a goodbye, Serah was gone. That was back in March.
I regretted it every single day.
Turbulence shook me out of thoughts and I sighed in defeat, discarding all thoughts of even a little bit of sleep on this long flight. I just hoped that I hadn't done irreversible damage — damage that I wouldn't be able to undo.
The city was cold when I arrived, much colder than where I had been my whole life. Taking a step outside the warm airport, I actually gasped in awe as I stared at what seemed like thousands of colorful lights. The giant metropolis was bursting with night-life. Arms crossed across my chest, I leaned in the back of the taxi I had hailed, watching people through the glass window. It was… something, that's for sure.
No beach for miles, huh? I found myself thinking sarcastically.
I thought I was immediately going to be homesick, but I found my curiosity about this new place overtaking that feeling. I arrived at the hotel, soaked in a hot bath for some time and changed into bathrobes. I picked up the hotel room receiver, but paused, my finger lingering over the digits. I didn't even know Serah's phone number, so the best thing I could do was to find her tomorrow. A strange sadness washed over me as I closed my eyes, sinking into the comfort of my pillow.
My eyes flew open before sunrise. I was surprised that I took two long ass flights and woke up at my usual time. It didn't make sense to go back to bed, so I checked out early and decided to cover some ground on foot, get my bearings.
Strange place, it was. The sun was only in the background when it did rise, skyscrapers blocking its light with their mighty presence. As I looked around I felt small. Life continued all around me, with trains already beginning to get crowded. It was only six in the morning, but commuters from all walks of life were already squeezing into neat trains. I felt small compared to everything around me, but luckily it also made my problems feel smaller.
Around nine, I reached the university gates. I had a meeting scheduled for nine thirty but I liked being early, some would say too early but I say it's never too early for important things.
And this was important.
It didn't take long to find the administration building and I tried to keep my eyes looking ahead, ignoring the curious glances of people around me. Walk straight. You're walking straight to Serah. I reminded myself.
Elegant gold letters read "Dean's Office." The administrative staff had sent me here. I knocked on the door twice, waiting patiently for a reply.
"Come in!" I heard a chirpy voice. The dean was a slim and tall woman with short, silver hair and emerald green eyes. "Miss Farron, or should I say the other Miss Farron," she chuckled, motioning with her hand for me to take a seat. "Let's begin, shall we?"
"Hi," was all I could manage to say in response. It was awkward in the room, and for the first time it wasn't because of me. It was actually because of a man in a suit sitting in a chair close to the Dean's desk, with long purple hair tied back in a ponytail. He was busy burning a hole through my face with his stare. "Uhh…." I began, unsure of how to continue.
The Dean watched me glance nervously at him and nodded as if she was making a mental note to herself. "Right, sorry. Miss Farron, this is Professor Caius Ballad. He will be your adviser." She introduced, gesturing towards him with her hand. "Transferring in the fall semester will be difficult, but I can see that you have a lot of potential. You passed our entrance exam with flying colors and you had a stellar recommendation from your lieutenant." She looked over my file with a smile still present on her face.
"A very peculiar background you have, Miss Farron." The man spoke with an animosity in his voice I couldn't miss. "We are a highly selective private university, you see," he continued, ignoring my annoyed expression as he singled me out. "We don't have anyone with your background."
I was about to protest but he cut me off before I could say anything. "The other Miss Farron does not share your...specific circumstances." He clarified.
Yep, he's definitely singling me out. Why do I have a feeling he's against my transfer?
"From what I understand," I removed all emotion from my face and replied as coolly as possible, "this institution is known for its diversity. I hope to be a part of that diversity. I think my military background might be helpful in one way or the other."
"Well said!" The Dean clapped her hands together twice, startling the purple haired man who was about to retort. "I see that you really understand what we're all about. Good. Now let's talk about the important stuff," she shot a stern look towards the now silenced professor.
I turned my full attention towards her as she handed me a thick folder full of information and forms. "First of all, we have decided to accept your request to transfer into sophomore year. Although this will be your first college experience, you have already proven yourself very capable in the entrance exams. I will still need you to take the exams for all the freshman core classes."
She advised, pointing out the relevant forms for me. I nodded in response as I took all the information in. "As for your roommate request, I am sorry but the other Miss Farron already has a roommate for the rest of the year." She smiled apologetically.
"Of course," I said as I looked over the forms. It was actually better this way. I needed to smooth things out with Serah first anyway.
"I know you said you need time to think about what you want to study while you are here," she said in a softer voice, "so you will be an undecided major for now. But while you're here, I highly encourage you to explore all the areas you're interested in. I will need your answer by the end of the semester. Something concrete. And you will be meeting Professor Ballad regularly during the semester to discuss your progress." She finished and looked expectantly at me.
"Right," I replied, collecting all the forms and looking back at her, waiting for her to add anything if she needed to. I was not excited about meeting that hostile looking dude but I guess I had no choice. I never really gave any thought to what I would study. University had never been on my mind from the start: I was just here for Serah. But any indication of that would get me kicked out before I was even in so I stayed silent.
"Well, if you don't have any questions then I think that will be all." She stood up, handing me a final piece of paper. "This is your core classes schedule, the electives you can sign up for later."
I gratefully took the piece of paper. "Thanks." I nodded once again in her direction and turned to leave when her voice stopped me.
"Miss Farron, wait. Let me find someone to get you settled in." She walked outside her office with me, scanning the corridor. A lot of people were avoiding her gaze and I watched her crane her neck persistently as the crowd continued to navigate through the hall.
"It's fine, really-" I tried but I was cut off as she called for someone.
"Hope, get in here!"
I saw a guy freeze in his tracks, turn around with a slump and sigh irritably. He walked over to us, one hand slinging a backpack over his shoulder, the other in his pocket. I noticed that their hair and eyes looked identical. Yep, they were definitely related.
He stared at me for a bit, cheeks a little flushed. "Wow, hi."
What a way to greet someone… "Hi," I managed to say back.
"Great, Hope, this is Miss Lightning Farron, she is a transfer student. Can you give her a tour of the campus please? Thanks, hon." The Dean said casually before turning to wave at me. "See you Miss Farron."
I nodded towards her, before returning my attention to the one called 'Hope.'
"So…" he paused, tapping his fingers outside his pocket as he fidgeted with his bag strap nervously. "Shall we get going?"
"Sure." I replied as we began to walk. Again, I could feel the burning stares of people around me.
"Don't worry," I heard Hope speak. It was almost as if he read my mind. "We don't get transfers in the fall semester," he paused, rubbing the back of his neck. I could feel him tense next to me slightly, "it's also because you're so beautiful."
I chuckled loudly.
Beautiful?
Beautiful was the last adjective I'd ever thought someone would use to describe me.
"I mean, Serah's pretty too of course, he added as my attention snapped back to him. "But you're like, really-"
"You know Serah?" I cut him off. He nodded, smiling warmly at me. His manners reminded me of the welcoming Dean. "Sure, everyone knows Serah. Short, pink hair, cute nose like a button?"
I couldn't help but laugh at his description of Serah. He laughed back, and the nerves I was feeling had calmed down considerably thanks to this guy. "I didn't know she had a sister. I don't think anyone else does either." Hope meant it as a side note, but it really stung.
Maybe it was too painful for Serah to even talk about me.
Hope watched me look down as I walked and he cleared his throat awkwardly, sensing that he had said something to change the mood. "It's obvious though, if anyone looks at your two. They'll know right away." I gave him a small smile, grateful for his considerate comment.
Hope helped me tour the huge campus. Shuttle buses ran between buildings, giving me a sense of why everyone needed those. It took longer on foot but I preferred it this way. I memorized most of the routes as I focused on the schedule in my hand. Hope peered at it over my shoulder.
"Oh wow, many empty slots…?"
I wasn't sure if that was a question but I thought I'll reply anyway. "Um, yeah," I said hurriedly. "Still trying to figure it out."
"Cool," he answered but didn't probe me any further, which was much appreciated. "Right, so that's most of the buildings. And let me show you my personal favorite." He pointed at an area just outside the west entrance of the campus.
"What's over there?" I asked curiously to which Hope replied with a mischievous grin, "That's where all the nice bars are."
I had the urge to roll my eyes but Hope held up a finger in front of my face. "No no. Trust me. You will need a drink once the finals come around in December."
We arrived at the girls dormitory and he strolled in the lobby with me. I felt someone tackle me from behind and I had to resist my military training to throw them over my head and onto the floor.
"Serah~!" I heard a girlish voice behind me. I spun around to scan the intruder, but only found a very embarrassed red haired girl.
"Oh my god, hi, not Serah. I'm Vanille." She introduced herself. I could only nod in response, but Hope spoke next to me.
"Hi Vanille, the Dean asked me to show her around. Can you take it from here?"
Vanille held her hands behind her back, giving a cheery nod to the silver haired Hope. "Yep, no probs! I got her."
"Hey, thanks." I said quickly to Hope who was about to leave. He grinned at me, before adding in a lower voice, "I know I said you will need a drink after finals but… if you need one before that, hit me up."
He did a little wave and I waved back, not sure if I was actually going to take him up on his offer. If things went south with Serah...I might as well get a good drink in a new place before I figured out my next move.
Vanille eyed me curiously, looking me up and down. Her eyes broke me out of my negative thoughts and I returned her gaze, feeling awkward. "What?" I finally asked, feeling mildly annoyed.
"You just got here and guys are already hitting on you. It's crazy." She started walking towards the elevator, giggling.
Okay, that was not even… "I am pretty sure Hope was just being friendly." I defended, rummaging through my folder to find my room assignment.
"Oh puhleaseee, Hope doesn't even talk that much to anyone, let alone invite girls to drinks." She looked at me with both eyebrows raised in a matter-of-fact kind of way. "I bet you're used to it cause guys hit on you all the time."
I did not understand this attention. First, Hope had complimented my… beauty — I shrugged as I thought of the word with a frown. Then Vanille had suggested that I was somehow attractive. I had been praised for my diligence, my discipline, my skills. But never 'beauty.' It was normal for me to get drinks with the guys after work, but there had never been any situations where I felt the guys from work were 'hitting on me.' I wasn't being modest. I was just confused.
I showed her my room assignment when I managed to find it.
"Oh, you're on the fifth floor. Good luck when the elevator breaks down." Vanille giggled again, pressing the number five on the elevator. I shrugged. It would be good exercise and I wouldn't mind.
"Alrightie, 510. Here you go." We stopped in front of a door. "Thanks," I shook Vanille's hand and she beamed at me in response.
"Listen," I let go of her hand as I spoke. "Don't tell Serah I am here yet. I want to go find her myself."
Vanille agreed, smiling cheek to cheek. "No worries, I won't tell her a thing. She's my roommate by the way, and we're down on the 1st floor. We're in 101 if you need us. Serah's probably at practice and she'll be in the gym all day but she'll be back in the evening."
I appreciated the information Vanille had given me. It saved me a lot of time and effort and minimized the risk of running into Serah unexpectedly. "Thanks, I appreciate it." I said sincerely before watching Vanille skip to the elevator and disappear.
I opened the door to find it unexpectedly spacious. The room consisted of two beds against opposite walls, two desks facing away from each other, a bookshelf, a fridge and a small sofa. There was an attached bathroom and shower. The unoccupied side was next to the large glass window. I set my bag down and sat on the bed with a soft thud, observing the other side of the room.
There was a giant stuffed life-size teddy on the bed. Since it occupied half of the space on the bed, I wondered how my roommate slept. There were fairy lights around the bed, and polaroid pictures hung between, over and under the lights. I didn't want to intrude on my roommate's carefully crafted personal space, so I decided not to examine them.
After a nap and a hot shower, I changed into a pair of ripped jeans and a simple black t-shirt with black, tall boots. I threw on a black leather jacket, one of the few jackets I owned.
Mental note: need to go shopping for clothes.
I checked the time. It was still only four in the evening and I wasn't sure if Serah was back. I decided to fill out some forms, organized whatever little of my belongings I had brought with me and prepare for the next day. When everything was done, I sat absentmindedly on the windowsill, staring out of the glass window.
The door burst open and I heard a shriek. I almost jumped in surprise. My roommate had dropped her bag on the floor and was now staring at me with wide brown eyes that almost appeared crimson in the light.
"Hi… I am sorry, I wasn't really expecting…" she never finished, probably at a loss for what to say.
I stood up, walking over to her and sticking out my hand awkwardly. "Hi, I am Lightning. Sorry for the surprise, I just transferred today."
She took my hand enthusiastically, smiling. "Serah's told me a lot about you."
I felt my heart sink. I should have felt elated, but I wasn't. Instead, I was feeling like a nervous wreck all over again.
Focus on something, count to 10. It will be fine, I told myself.
When I withdrew my hand from her grip, I noticed that my roommate was staring at me, so I decided to return the favor. She looked like she walked straight out of a magazine. She was the kind of person who deserved the praise that Hope and Vanille were unrightfully bestowing on me earlier. She had long dark brown hair that reached the small of her back and glistening rubies for eyes. Now that I noticed closely, her eyes really were the color red.
Very pretty, I thought.
She was wearing a white crop top with skinny black pants, showing off the defined but feminine curvature of her waist. And boy, was she blessed in all the right places. She also wore white heels that matched her top and white gold hoop earrings.
My observation had finished but I realized she was not done staring at me. I cleared my throat awkwardly again (it was something I felt I'd have to get used to in this new place), and she immediately snapped out of it.
"Sorry, um, if you're looking for Serah she also just got back," she offered quickly and I took my cue to leave.
"Great, I'll see you later." I raised my hand for a small wave and made my way down to the 1st floor.
What a day. I had to talk to five people today and I already felt like I could sleep for eight hours. At work I barely had to speak to anyone. I only ever spoke to Serah outside of work and it always came naturally to me.
Luckily I had neither offended anyone nor hurt anyone. Yet.
I took a deep breath and was just about to knock when the door flung open and my sister almost bumped into me. She let out a little yelp and took a step back, before realizing it was me. She froze, surprise written all over her face.
I wasn't sure if the surprise was pleasant or the opposite, but I mustered up all my courage to say: "I am home."
A/N: Alright, it's the end of chapter one! I apologize for the long chapter. There was a lot of ground I needed to cover and establish the setting. I hope I can keep the chapters shorter and more interesting in the future. Also sorry for lack of the whole gang, they'll show up eventually, including our main man. Let me know what you guys think!
