"What if I was wrong by never movin' on, I didn't realize who's gone!
The ghost in me was true, but you've been haunted too just… didn't see it all along!"
It felt like so long ago that they had met, the girl being just another trainer at the time. One who had wandered into the gym with the determination to battle and take a badge. She gave off the strangest first impression, looking as young as she did. Too young, in fact, to be travelling around the world with pōkemon. Half of her pale and sunken face was hiding behind her long bangs, and it was only later that he even saw the dark circles under her eyes that symbolized a lack of sleep.
She looked almost as if she were the same age as his younger brother, Forrest. Yet unlike him, or any of the other siblings, she was thin. Thin and frail, and covered in scars. Something struck him as wrong that day, as even if she were a trainer no one should look so… fragile. He was convinced that she might get blown away by their pōkemon if they were to actually battle. But she stood her ground, stared him down, and demanded a battle.
Those eyes…
They almost looked devoid of life. The rock-hard determination in her gaze was the only thing that reminded him that he was dealing with an actual person. Was she truly thirteen? The unsettling feeling in his stomach grew stronger. She was so cold and distant, and refused to answer the majority of his questions. The girl even battled without a hint of emotion.
Or at least she did until… her pōkemon got scared. It evolved right before his eyes, spurred on by the bond between pōkemon and trainer. She spoke to it so softly, a new vulnerability showing on her face. It was the first emotion he saw her wield.
Fear, concern. Encouragement.
She was more than she appeared and he learned this quickly when she was about to win the match. If his siblings didn't disrupt their battle Onix would have fainted, but instead of continuing after calming his family down the girl had him forfeit- wishing to spare Onix from anymore pain. Such kindness from someone that appeared so empty… surprised him.
Before she left the gym Brock couldn't help but ask for her name.
And when he was informed that she didn't have one at all… he was quite alarmed. All the girl had was a derogatory title, one he soon learned was- after seeking her out and joining her on her journey- actually a symbol of slavehood. Of the abuse she had suffered. He wanted to call her by a name, a true name, but he couldn't. She never told him to call her anything else. The girl didn't even seem bothered by it.
The only thing that seemed to disturb or startle her was violence and loud voices. She had nightmares more often than not, but not once did she really give a sign that she hated the title she was called. She didn't remember her name, she had claimed, so the title was fine. It wasn't as if she really existed, so what did it matter? That was her reasoning.
Brock didn't agree with it. She was living, breathing, talking, thinking. The girl was right here in front of him and she kept on believing she didn't matter? No. She did exist.
But she continued to think otherwise.
Brock sighed, looking down at the girl beside him. The only thing this child seemed to care about was protecting those around her, of getting back to Hoenn and rescuing those she was forced to leave behind. Of finding the one… who had given her that broken dawn stone. He reached over, gently brushing the hair out of her face and watching her breathe.
This was probably the first time he's ever seen her look so peaceful. All she really needed was a family, someone to love her. A friend to help her.
His gaze drifted to the bandage on her forehead. Brock was never going to forgive Team Rocket for what they did. Never ever. Raising her to be a tool, a criminal, and convincing her she was nothing more than a monster. Tearing away at her personality and shutting her feelings down. He was so happy earlier to see her trying to add into the conversation while they were cooking, trying to state an opinion on his cooking even if she herself could not actually taste it.
This girl was trying so hard to become someone. To become the self she was forced to hide and forget. She was so unbelievably kind and gentle, and if recent events showed anything it was that she was also very very lonely. She's always so scared and worried- about him, about the pōkemon, and about Blue. About everyone. This tiny girl has such a ridiculously big heart and she doesn't even see it.
She's too busy hating and blaming herself.
Brock sighed, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. "I never imagined the adventure would go like this…"
It certainly was something, that was for sure. Who would have thought a group of teenagers would be on their way to take down an evil organization? All because of their meeting one person… heh. Team Rocket really screwed themselves over the second they started their crimes. Kidnapping this girl was a big mistake.
A little restless, Brock sat up- making sure not to disturb the younger teen. He carefully unwound her arm from his and pulled the blankets up to her shoulder, watching as Ansem rolled over and flopped onto his back, belly exposed and fur tickling the girl's face. Brock chuckled a little at the sight, growing only more amused as Basil and Belladonna resituated themselves around her legs. They really did adore the trainer, even if they haven't known her long.
It seems he had that in common with them.
Brock stood, stepping over the sleeping bag and backpacks, and made his way over to the bathroom to get ready for the day. He needed to set the table, make breakfast, check on Blue's current condition, and…
The boy paused as he reached out to open the bathroom door. Eyebrows furrowing, muscles tensing, he reached out and entered the bathroom, a determination flooding through him. That girl would stop at nothing to help others, human and pōkemon alike. If it meant saving someone from pain, however miniscule, she would run herself ragged- no matter how much she herself hated doing it.
A reluctant hero.
Always doing things she hates, always forcing herself to face her fears, always hurting herself… to help others. She needed time to rest and recuperate, just as much as Blue did. Brock could bet that this was probably the only time she would be getting that rest, for as soon as she woke up and recovered she wasn't going to stop until she collapsed again. Therefore… as a friend and former gym leader… Brock needed to do this next part for her.
She's worked hard enough.
It was time to let her breathe… before she wound up breaking.
Yes. Getting ready, cooking breakfast, and refreshing the rag on the wounded Blue's forehead, Brock informed Bill that he was heading out for a bit. The boy then wandered over to the sleeping girl who was once known as Grunt. He knelt down beside her, smiling softly and fixing the blankets again.
"Everything's going to be okay." He whispered, resting a hand over her own and folding her fingers carefully over the dawn stone she held loosely in her palm. "I promise."
Brock really hoped the person who gave her this stone still remembered. Maybe the boy or man or whoever he was was watching over her somehow. Praying for her safety and happiness like Brock had claimed. She loved and relied on this broken evolution stone so much- the former gym-leader could only imagine how much emotion she poured into it growing up. How much hope went into that. It seemed to be the only thing that kept her sane.
If Brock ever met the person who gave her it… well… they had better remember her.
Otherwise he was going to have a few choice words with them. She's had her heart broken too many times already for it to be destroyed by the person she cared about most. Taking a deep breath, Brock frowned and pulled his hand away, instead reaching over to tap Basil and Belladonna- quietly waking them. They shifted and mumbled, and then blinked their eyes open groggily, staring at him with great confusion.
He almost laughed at their expressions, but he said nothing. Brock simply held a finger up to his lips with a smile, and when he did speak he kept his voice low. "I need your help. Will you come with me?" They glanced at each other, at their sleeping trainer, and then back up at Brock. They climbed out of their bed, following him into the kitchen where he then fed them. "We're going on a big mission. We're gonna let your trainer rest in the meantime, so she can recover her strength."
The small fever she had before seemed to be gone, thank goodness, but Brock was certain that if she woke up too early and started stressing out again it would be back in full force. He wasn't going to let that happen. Brock got everyone's plates ready for breakfast, though Bill had already finished eating and was back to doing whatever research he was working on with his Nidorino, and put plastic wrap over it to keep it warm.
The pōkemon following Brock into the livingroom, the boy rested Blue's plate of food on the nightstand beside the couch. Rummaging through his female travel buddy's backpack, he pulled out the extra pōkeball she had found whilst looking for Blue and strapped it to his belt.
Perfect. Everything was ready for them to start their day.
All that was left… was to fetch Aerodactyl.
…
Just a bit longer.
Steven ran his hand along his Metagross' back, easing the pōkemon back into a calmer state. It seemed to be just as on edge as he was, which was a clear sign of their bond. Having been together for so long they were closely attuned to another's emotions, and could often tell what the other was feeling. In his years as a trainer Steven had bred and raised many steel-type pōkemon, Beldum particularly, but the Metagross with him now… was his most trusted, most powerful and oldest pōkemon.
This one has been with him since the very beginning. It was only fitting that Steven take them with him. After all, they had both been fond of the person who had set this all in action, so should they not both avenge her together? He actually gave the pōkemon a name shortly after meeting her- right before he had learned of her disappearance. Perhaps it was her lack of a name that inspired him to give his ally one of their own.
"We're going to find them, Titanium." Steven promised, forehead pressing against the hard metal of the Metagross' arm, the man closing his eyes. He tried once more to envision that face- the one he had seen so long ago. The one that haunted his dreams. "We're going to find them… and learn what happened to her."
It was what she deserved.
"Now come on," Steven opened his eyes and patted his pōkemon on its leg, grinning, "we have quite the journey to make. Kanto isn't exactly an overnight trip."
Titanium hummed, lowering itself closer to the ground. It allowed Steven to climb onto its back before taking off, levitating itself off the ground and into the sky. The young man stared into the distance, the whole dawn stone heavy in his pocket. Steven's fingers pressed against Titanium's back, hands threatening to curl into fists as he thought about all the evils Team Rocket had committed.
"We're so close…"
They were so close he could feel it. His intuition was going crazy in telling him this was the right move.
After hearing it revealed on the news that a Team Rocket building had exploded recently, nothing but ruins and corpses remaining, Steven came up with a plan. No children were found, living or dead, so he knew it wasn't the base he was looking for, but it was a sign that the criminal organization was very active. The adults he was looking for could very well be in that region.
Unfortunately, it was too dangerous to leave Hoenn alone, so he and his friends made a decision.
As the water-type gym leader it would be too much to ask to have Wallace go to Johto, so instead he would be staying behind to maintain his gym- using his free time to check on any suspicious activity or reports. And Winona, though a gym leader herself, had pōkemon that allowed her to fly to places at high speeds, travelling faster than anyone else, allowing her to leave and return to Hoenn in just a few hours, so she would be the one sent to observe Johto.
And Steven…
Steven was the most flexible of the three. He was going to Kanto, the region farthest away from their home. Team Rocket was not going to get away from him.
Not again.
Titanium, as if sensing his thoughts, let out a loud hum to comfort him. He hoped the Elite Four were not too terribly busy.
...
"Hey… where're you goin'?" Brock paused, hand frozen on the doorhandle. He had been about to take off when a tired and raspy voice called out to him, stopping him in his tracks. Brock turned, surprised to see a certain teen struggling to sit up. He frowned when Blue hissed, the boy pressing a hand gingerly to his stomach. "Ow, ow… crap. Euuugh, Gramps is gonna let me hear it for sure if he finds out."
"It'd be deserving." Brock stated bluntly, folding his arms over his chest. "You shouldn't be sitting up yet."
Blue waved him off, expression dismissive. "Meh. Save me the lecture. How's the kid?
Brock sighed. Both boys turned to look at the girl burrowed underneath all the blankets, the trainer cuddling close with Ansem. Taking advantage of the situation, the large pōkemon crawled on top of her, nuzzling his nose against her cheek, his tail wagging happily. Blue snorted at the sight, though pressed a hand to his chest with a cringe right after.
"..."
Brock shifted his gaze to Blue, staring at him disapprovingly.
The wounded teen pretended not to notice. "She looks happy." He commented, sounding as casually as he could, still trying to talk as though he hadn't been held captive and abused for what was surely several days. "I don't think I've ever seen her crack so much as a smile before you guys showed up in that crazy basement."
Ah. He is talking about it. Brock furrowed his brows, thinking of a response. The atmosphere was so quiet and tense; these two boys knew nothing about each other. The only times they've really met were when Blue took a gym badge from him several years ago, back when he had been an arrogant loud-mouthed child, and then again in the underground hideout where he had to patch him back up after the girl found him.
"She's been really worried about you." Brock finally said.
Blue didn't respond at first. He simply listened, his brown eyes flickering over to the grass-type pōkemon at Brock's feet and then at his own pōkemon, who were sleeping on the ground and at the other end of the couch. Umbreon looked especially stressed. Machamp was curled on his side, the female dark-type pōkemon napping in his many arms.
"I don't know how close you guys are," Brock said quietly, voice soft, "but you really mean a lot to her. She's been so scared that you wouldn't wake up."
"Seriously?"
"...Yeah."
"Hmph." Blue leaned back into the couch, closing his eyes. He acted almost offended by this knowledge. "She should really know better, I'm not that much of a loser."
The older teen raised an eyebrow at that. "I guess you two aren't that close then?"
"...No." Blue opened his eyes and lifted his gaze from the girl to Brock, his brown orbs intense and full of curiosity. "But I know enough about her. Just what did you do?"
"Huh?"
"To her, I mean." He explained. "When she first left Pallet she barely even knew how to speak for herself, nonetheless show emotion. She was practically a robot. I thought I was imagining it when she showed up. It was so weird. She was crying her eyes out and yelling at me; I thought I was straight-up hallucinating."
Brock... sort of understood that perception. He almost felt the same upon first meeting the girl. But then he learned more about her and came to understand that while she came off as cold, she was truly just… awkward. She didn't know how to react to her surroundings or the people in them, and was scared to get anyone involved in case they got hurt. All she ever wanted, from the very beginning of her journey, was to help others. But… as a result she distanced herself, berating herself for every little thing.
The girl worked so very hard… while being so very afraid.
Afraid of losing, afraid of hurting. Afraid of causing hurt. Sometimes it felt like she was afraid of feeling something herself, of what would happen if she let herself have emotions. The girl only knew her life as "Grunt" after all. She didn't know who "herself" was.
Brock thought of her purpose and her goal. Of the kindness she showed to Belladonna during their match in his gym that allowed the pōkemon to evolve. That switch of emotion, the very enigma that was her, had him questioning everything about her. Had him following her to the pōkecenter to learn more of her. Because even though she may seem like it at first… the truth is…
"She was never a robot. She just… cares too much."
Blue stared.
"She gives and gives and gives, but never once has she been given anything in return." Brock raised his hands up, recalling how tiny and frail she was in his grasp. It felt like holding a porcelain doll- one wrong move and she would just shatter. Her small hands… were so scarred and pale… and so determined to carry the weight of the world. Brock took a deep breath and curled his fingers into fists, looking at Blue with a fierce expression. "I didn't do anything except be her friend."
After a moment a small breath of air left Blue's lips, something that took Brock a second to realize was a laugh. A smile curled onto the wounded boy's lips and Blue's eyes twinkled, the teen viewing the former gym-leader in a new light. "You know what? You ain' half bad. I'm glad she met you."
He faltered. Then Brock chuckled, lowering his hands. "I'm glad I met her. She's helped me in so many ways, I don't even know where to begin."
She had freed him from the gym of a cage that his wretched father kept him in, allowing him to travel and work on fulfilling his dream. He's been able to care and shower affection on his pōkemon more frequently, the way he's always wanted to. Brock has even been able to come up with more pōkemon food recipes since the journey started.
"But… I still need to help her. We need to. You and me."
Blue tilted his head, gaze inquiring.
Brock's expression became more stern. "As soon as you're better we're thinking up a new name for her. And then we're getting rid of Team Rocket- once and for all."
The wounded boy closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch, a small smirk playing on his face. He seemed almost amused by this. "Heh… you won't hear any complaints from me. It was about time we got rid of that stupid title anyway. Oh, you never did answer my first question."
His lips spread into a thin line, eyebrows furrowing. Blue's eyes bore into Brock.
"Where are you going at this hour?"
"I'm going to save your pōkemon." Brock answered honestly, startling the wounded teen. His brown eyes went wide as he watched the former gym-leader step back, opening the door with Basil and Belladonna following behind him at his heels. He grinned over his shoulder at Blue, holding a finger up. "Don't tell her if she wakes up before I'm back, okay? She'll panic. It shouldn't take too long, but just in case."
"What, am I supposed to say you've gone on a walk?" Blue deadpanned.
Brock chuckled. "Something like that. I've set her breakfast on the table. Your's is on the nightstand beside you. Make sure you eat up; you need the nutrients."
"...Hey." He paused, foot dangling halfway out the door. When he looked at the wounded teen, Blue was wearing an expression of utmost seriousness. "Be careful. If they got me, then they can get you."
Normally Brock liked to tackle situations head-on. Recent events, however, taught him that sometimes a little finesse is required when it comes to survival. This wasn't just a regular pōkemon battle after all, nor was it some game meant for children. No…
Against Team Rocket, this was war.
And they weren't going to allow for anymore victims. "That's why I have these two," Brock said, gesturing to the grass-type pōkemon before him, a smirk on his face, "they're going to ensure my victory."
Blue stared at him for a moment before wearing a matching grin, seemingly convinced. "Alright. But there'd better not be a single scratch on my Aerodactyl- you got that? I'll come after you myself if there is!"
"I wouldn't expect anything else. But not so loud~ you'll wake her up! See you in a bit, Blue."
Brock really didn't know a whole lot about this boy. However, it did seem like he's changed a lot during the few years they've not seen each other, and he actually reminded him of the girl. They were both stubborn, pretending to be fine when they very much weren't, and constantly threw themselves into danger. Brock left the house and closed the door with a sigh, realizing he had his work cut out for him if Blue was to be a new travel companion.
How did he go from raising little kids to caring for reckless teens?
Well, he wasn't going to complain. If he was going to complain about anything it was that Team Rocket existed and caused all this trouble, though he supposed without them he never would have met these two troublemakers in the first place. He shook his head, deciding not to think about those implications, and instead guided Basil and Belladonna away from the house, walking down the hill and towards the hedge maze where he could see several people lying in wait.
He paused just before he could enter their sight, ducking behind a hedge and thinking. After what happened at the bridge, Brock wasn't about to risk it. He didn't have his travel companion with him to calm down panicking pōkemon, so… hmm. Well, here's to hoping she doesn't freak out too badly when he gets back to the house and he tells her what he did. Expression of the utmost seriousness, Brock crouched down and gave his orders to the grass-type pōkemon.
Basil, always relaxed, didn't seem to bothered by his surroundings. All he really seemed to care about was the affection he received from his trainer and from Brock. Now, Brock wasn't really sure why the male pōkemon liked him so much- he was pretty sure it was just because he carried him around, thus letting him nap a lot, and because he fed him some his special homemade pōkemon food. Basil seriously liked his siestas.
But when it came time to battle? Oh, that pōkemon didn't hold back. He also seemed to take care of the others, such as when he tried to help Ansem walk back on Onix's back in the tunnel. Such good boys- they did their best, and Brock knew their trainer adored them. She's come so far since their first meeting…
He just- the ex gym leader can't even begin to describe how proud he was of her. She was starting to become more and more of her own person.
And this… will definitely help. One less thing for her to be anxious about.
His plan actually went through smoother than he had been expecting, if he was being totally honest. Brock preferred to force his way through problems, but this sort of thinking wasn't that bad either. The less violence the better, and in the short time she's known them her pōkemon have grown exponentially. She was probably one of the strongest trainers he's ever come across. Between Belladonna's Sleeping Powder and Basil's Stun Spore, there wasn't a whole lot the people in the hedge maze go do. It made getting to the nugget bridge a whole lot easier.
And when he got there about, what- maybe half an hour later, and saw the very people he was looking for? Oh, Brock has never felt more determined and ready for battle.
If only this wasn't a stealth mission…
Man, her pōkemon were seriously overleveled. Brock needed to train his pōkemon up some more as well, because there was no way he could even dream of protecting her from Team Rocket like this. Ducking near a bush, his lips spreading into a thin line, the boy whispered some more instructions to the grass-type pōkemon. Within moments the entire bridge was wrapped up in the sweet smelling smoke of Sleeping Powder, and long green vines that dragged the collapsed bodies away.
Gathering up the pōkeballs, he placed them all in his backpack. Then he knelt down, petting Basil and Belladonna, praising them with a big grin. "You guys were great! Now, let's say we deliver these bad guys to the police, huh?" The town was only about another thirty minutes away. It'll be fine.
The pōkemon cheered and danced around his feet, seeming absolutely delighted at the idea, and working together Belladonna and Basil wrapped the goons up with their vines and dragged them, using their powders to stun and put them to sleep when they recovered from the previous attacks. Overall, it was feeling like a pretty successful venture. Brock only felt more proud of the pokemon and their trainer.
Grunt… no- the girl was certainly something.
How he wondered what her real name was, if she even had one. Maybe it was buried in her memory somewhere, but… she's gone so long without it. What name would even suit her? There were so many options.
As Brock walked he pondered the list of names in his head, trying to think up a good one. At the moment he was torn between Hope and Dawn, but he had a feeling she wouldn't accept either of them. Patience? Felicity? What about Serenity? It needed to be something pretty, something that would make her feel good about herself.
He wanted her to have a name she could be proud of.
…
The warmth is gone. Where did it go? My fingers twitched and I reached out with my right hand, shifting a little as I tried to feel for the person who had been there beside me earlier. All I felt was fur, soft and almost suffocating as it pressed against my face, Ansem curled so close his pelt tickled my nose. My hand touched a sleeping bag and blanket, and I slowly moved it over to rest on the pōkemon.
Lifting my head up, I blinked groggily- feeling truly sluggish for the first time in my life. My body felt so heavy and numb, and I actually found it hard trying to get up. All I felt like doing was lying back down and going back to sleep.
A sensation I have never experienced before.
I don't even think I had nightmares this time. It was just… warm and peaceful and… nice. Ansem seemed to think so too, if the way he was flopped on his side with his belly exposed was any indication. Curling close to the dawn stone in my palm, I reached over with my other hand and ran my fingers lightly against his fur- watching with soft eyes as he leaned into the touch. Ansem was such a hotheaded pōkemon, but he did love affection.
I guess I was sort of the same way.
But… something was wrong. Where was Brock? He wasn't in his sleeping bag…
Oh no.
No, no, no- where did he go? Is he okay? What happened? He was still here last time I checked; did someone take him away? Did Team Rocket break in? Wait, but if they broke in wouldn't they have taken me as well- to bring me to the boss and punish me? To… kill me? Many of them had grudges against me due to the explosion. I hurt them- took the lives of their friends. Their family. It wasn't intentional, but it happened nonetheless.
So why…? Why am I still here? Where is Brock!?
Did… he leave?
No, no, no. He wouldn't do that. He said he'd stay with me; that he'd help take down Team Rocket. He wouldn't abandon me. He doesn't even get mad at me! We're friends! He… cared, right?
I kicked the blankets off and scrambled onto my feet, looking around frantically. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think- all I could do was think of all the possible reasons as to why he wasn't here and what might have happened to him.
He wasn't in the bathroom, the kitchen, or anywhere else. Brock was nowhere to be found. Frick. Where is he!?
He was hurt too, wasn't he? I vaguely remember him holding onto his arm when we reunited back in the lab. He had a bit of a bruise on his face from when he had gotten punched, but overall it didn't seem to be too serious. Brock didn't even seem to show any signs of pain after that. Oh no, oh gods- was it because of that? Because my focus was entirely on Blue and his wounds?
"No, no, no, no…"
My voice cracked and I brought my hands up, fingers twisting into my hair, grabbing at my braids and tugging as I started to panic, hurting myself as I cursed my foolish behavior and selfish heart. I hated this. Why? Why!?
"Vaa?" I inhaled sharply, eyes looking down to see a blurry Ansem gazing up at me in concern. He yawned loudly before waddling forward and pressing his forehead to my neck, mewing. "Veeva…"
I was shaking. Trembling. All the warmth was gone, instead replaced with a cold wave of fear and jittery nerves. Placing the dawn stone in my pocket, I knelt down, carefully picking Ansem up and holding the pōkemon close, burying my face in his fur as my eyes continued to sting. The world seemed to be closing in around me, trapping me in place.
I screwed up. I should have paid more attention- asked him how he was doing. I was just so relieved he was alive and okay that I let my fear of Blue's wellbeing overshadow any previous concern. After… everything we've been through together… did he really leave? Did he finally realize I wasn't worth it? That I didn't actually matter? I tried giving him multiple reasons and chances to leave, but each time he refused- claiming he wouldn't leave me alone.
Friends help each other. Stick with each other. He said…
He said he was going to help me think up a name.
Was… Was he lying? Did he hate me? Did he wake up and realize how tired he was of everything? I… I should have known better. just what is wrong with me? Why did I ever think that… a useless puppet like myself… could ever actually have friends? That I could be cared about?
"H-He's gone…"
I could barely feel the tongue lapping at my cheek, Ansem trying to wipe away the falling tears. His red eyes seemed to be getting rather misty themselves. "Eva?"
It hurts. Everything... hurts.
I cradled Ansem close, blinking furiously. I already knew he was going to leave eventually, despite his words of comfort, so why does it hurt so much…? I was used to being alone and surviving by myself; I didn't need other people. I lasted this long, haven't I? That should be proof of that. And yet… he gave me such great anxiety, such worry and fear. He was a pillar I never knew I needed- wanted- and said and did things I never thought would or could happen. He cared.
At least… I believed he did. There was no way such kindness actually existed; it was all just an act. I knew that. I knew people couldn't be trusted. So why did… I let myself get attached? Why did I let myself believe him?
Was I just that desperate for love and affection? For approval?
Gods, I'm pathetic. Why did I ever even bother trying? Nothing good would come out of it; I screwed up everything, broke everything, ruined everything. I only succeeded at survival- of making it through another day alive. I couldn't protect anyone- pōkemon or human. Blue is broken, and when they find out Oak and Yuna are going to hate me. Adrien is going to grow up and become a criminal, alongside all the other children. Team Rocket is going to win- just as they always have- and completely dominate the world.
And because they're affiliated with me… the only creatures I could genuinely trust… my pōkemon were going to be stolen and experimented on, and forced into slavery.
Who even knows what might become of me…?
I'm pretty sure I was never meant to live in the first place. Is there anything to be gained from living? Of making it this far after all the torment I went through? Was there a reason for all this suffering? Did the world just hate me that much?
What was the point?
What did I ever do to deserve this?
The emotions slowly died down, my hold on Ansem loosening as a numbness took over. A cold, harsh numbness that formed inside my chest, tearing deep into me. All energy was now gone, drained and body exhausted. I just couldn't understand.
Why would he work so hard… only to leave?
What was there to be gained from lying to me?
Even now I… still can't figure him out.
I exhaled shakily, shifting slowly and setting a confused Ansem on the ground. It was getting hard to breathe, stomach twisting and churning and making me nauseous. This wasn't right. Whatever this was- Brock being missing- was wrong. Something wasn't adding up. I stumbled back and my legs gave out, and I flinched when I landed hard on my rear. My legs were shaking so badly they refused to stand.
It… It was so easy to believe that Brock would leave. That he finally came to a sound conclusion and decided that this was too much. That I didn't matter.
But it… it just didn't make any sense. Would someone so determined and kind really just… abandon another? It seemed completely against his personality. It was like he was built specifically to care for other people; if not for him going in the underground hideout with me, I wouldn't have ever believed him to have an angry side. Logic battled the anxiety running rampant, leaving me still and confused.
All my life I've been hated- mistreated and abused. I only had a single memory to go on in order to survive, but during that time my sense of self-worth had diminished and faded away into nothing. Then… he came into the picture. Brock somehow broke through every barrier, leaving my heart raw and vulnerable and exposed, and he showered me with warmth. Warmth I felt I didn't deserve.
Someone so kind shouldn't possibly be able to exist in this world, and yet… he did. He was real.
And there was no way he would just leave without telling me. Without giving a reason.
So why… am I trying to convince myself otherwise?
I inhaled sharply, fervently shaking my head and blinking the stinging tears away. Brock was fine. He was coming back. I…
I trust him. I want to trust him. Basil and Belladonna appear to have gone with him, wherever he went, and he wouldn't just steal them. Brock wasn't like Team Rocket. He was a good person. So… yeah. I'm just… gonna wait. I'll wait for him to come back.
Everything was going to be fine.
Jerking forwards and forcing myself back onto my feet, I shook my jittery hands and tried to regain control of my breathing. He was going to return.
I know it.
Once I had calmed down enough to function properly, I made my way over to Blue- checking his fever and ensuring his heart was still beating. I pulled the rag off his forehead and went to the bathroom, soaking it and wringing it out, and then placing it back where it had been. I then tugged the blanket over his form, praying that what little remained of his fever would go away. He was doing a lot better than yesterday… but that could change in minutes.
Adrien had been a lucky baby; he was one of the few I had been able to nurse back to health. Unfortunately… there were some who hadn't made it. Their deaths still weigh heavily on my heart. I wondered if Team Rocket even buried them properly. I sincerely hoped… Blue would be one of the people who survived.
Once I had finished checking up on him, I wandered to the kitchen- finally looking inside now that I was shutting the panic down. All I had been focused on before was locating Brock. Now I can actually see what else was in the room.
And that included the plastic-wrapped bowl resting on the tabletops. Left-overs?
"Oh, you're awake!"
Huh? I turned to see Bill enter the room, sliding my foot back slightly to add more distance between us. I still wasn't too entirely trusting of this adult. He grinned at me, looking slightly dishevelled with dark bags under his eyes- signalling his lack of sleep. He must have been tinkering with machines or research all night. Whatever time of day it was when we showed up and fell asleep.
"Your friend went and got breakfast all ready for everyone earlier." He informed, grinning, remaining in the doorway. "Your bowl should be right on that there table. Your sick friend already had his share, so don't worry."
Brock made breakfast… and Blue already ate. I inhaled sharply, standing a bit straight as I looked at Bill with wide eyes. "D… Do you… do you know where Brock went?"
"Hm? Ah…" The adult paused, eyebrows furrowing as he tapped his chin in thought. "Y'know, I think yer sickly friend might have mentioned something about him going on a walk. He took those pretty little grass pōkemon with him, too! Grass-type pōkemon love soaking in the sun, so he was probably just lookin' out for their health, ya know? Seems like that nice kinda guy."
He… He was. He probably did.
I could believe it. Without realizing it, the breath I was holding released and my shoulders relaxed, some sort of pressure removing itself from my chest. "R-Right…" He loved to care for pōkemon. Heck, Basil adored him. Of course Brock would take them outside to get some sun.
Even though… the outside is dangerous… since Team Rocket is nearby…
No! No, he's fine. My pōkemon are overleveled and intelligent, and I'm certain Brock has Onix, Geodude, and Zubat with him, so he's more than well-protected. Everything is fine. I'm just… going to heat up the bowl of stew, eat it, and then get ready for the day. Blue's fever is breaking and that means we might be able to move him to the hospital soon. I might even be able to try for the gym badge in this town.
Oh…
I faltered, ignoring Bill- who had finally wandered into the kitchen to get him something to drink- and I paused in removing the bowl's plastic wrap. I hated speaking to this person, but the thought just came to me and it was going to bother me until I knew. "Uh… s-sir?"
"Hm?" He hummed, looking at me as he took a long drink of water. "What is it, kiddo?"
That nickname felt weird. Some goons called me that, mocking me for my small stature, before going on to use the derogatory title Rich and Velga bestowed upon me. Yet the way Bill used it was lacking all of the malice that I was used to- leaving me standing there uncomfortable and confused, feet shifting slightly as I attempted to focus on anything other than the shakiness that still remained.
"The gym in this town…" I began, eyebrows furrowing slightly, voice quiet and almost blank. "...what kind is it? Pewter was rock, but Cerulean is…"
Bill laughed, light-hearted and amused, if not a tad worried that I seemed to be planning on battling again despite the various injuries everyone, including myself, had. "Why, the Cerulean Gym is a water-type. I haven't actually gone there myself, but I hear the gym leader and her sisters all beauties. You should really rest up a bit longer, though."
A coldness washed over me- deeper and darker than my previous fear. All I could think of were the punishments, of what Mistress Augusta had done. All of my nightmares. The screaming and destruction, and the icy coldness that seeped down into my very bones, freezing them and leaving me numb. The terror of not being able to breathe, of not being able to fight back or escape.
Of not knowing how to swim.
Cerulean City was full of water, so it only made sense the gym here was based off water-type pōkemon. And yet… for all that I tried to make myself do… I don't think I'll be able to face this one. I'm… scared. I'm terrified of water. Large hulking bodies of it- and rain. Pouring, storming rain that never seemed to end, threatening to drown everything in sight.
Trying to talk to pōkemon who were following their cruel master's orders, forced into spewing jets of water and blasting bubbles that moved so fast I couldn't even see, was the most difficult part in those early days of survival.
I would always end up getting thrown back, choking as my senses filled up with liquid, navy blue uniform utterly soaked as gargled words failed to come out, hands outstretched and eyes pleading-
"No more!"
-before my body curled up and I was forced to give in to defeat.
Her black-colored lips would always twist into a grin, red eyes glimmering sadistically in pleasure as she ordered her pōkemon to stop. Asking, once more, if I had learned my lesson. Her long nails would dig into my scalp as she twisted her fingers into my hair, the woman forcing me to look at her before she commanded her pōkemon to unleash another water attack. And this was when I was little- when I was first brought to the base- before Richard took me under his wing.
Even though she started to be less violent after… she still hurt me. She still frightened me. She still made me stand off alone against her team of water-type pōkemon. She still yanked and tugged on my long hair, threatening to rip it out if I didn't continue to behave like the mindless doll Team Rocket wanted me to be. If the seed of defiance she knew was still within me didn't rot.
Not as violent as she was… I'm fooling myself. Her punishments didn't happen as often, sure, but the level of abuse was the same.
And it still haunts me.
As a result, I knew there was no way I would be able to take on the water-type gym. Not with how badly my body was starting to shake, not with how badly I react to any large bodies of water. I wouldn't be able to focus or think, or anything of the sort in fear of falling into it.
Of drowning.
No. No, no, I can't; I can't do this. I can't take on that gym. I know I need to; I need the power that comes with the badges in order to get back to Hoenn and save all the victims locked up in the base. I need those badges so I can find that person.
But… But I can't.
I-
I stopped functioning for a moment. The world around me shut down and I staggered, body suddenly feeling very hot, stomach twisting and churning. The stress became too much to bear. So dizzy, so tired, so scared, so nervous, so… emotional. This weak, malnourished form of mine couldn't take it any longer.
And just as my legs gave out and my arms hit the chair back, taking it down with me as the world spotted black, I could hear Bill shouting at the exact moment the front door opened, Brock walking in with Basil and Belladonna in his arms. Then he was yelling, rushing into the kitchen panicked.
"Grunt!" The dark-skinned teen cried, pōkemon at his side. "Grunt!"
No. That… isn't my name. I said not to call me that. But, then again, he had nothing else to call me in this panic- automatically saying what he was used to. If not that, then what? What should I go by? No one had any idea. I couldn't remember anything about myself prior to waking up on the streets all those years.
"Grunt" was the only identity I've ever known.
And it was really the only thing I could hear be said as my hearing dulled, eyes sliding shut as the throbbing migraine and dizziness became too much to bear.
