A/N: Thank you ATK1734 & Lumina as always! I am soooo glad you guys enjoyed the last update. Honestly it took so many rewrites. I really wanted it to be as romantic as possible, so I am glad it ended up looking alright ^^ Today's update will be very short! I am sorry… T^T I do have a fair bit of trouble planned with Cloud and his 'brothers.' I think they will be the main source of conflict in this story, so in that way this story remains true to the original I wrote in 2014. (Things will be fine with Aerith, but Lightning won't like her too much for other reasons that will be revealed later). Also speaking of Cloud's brothers, I found this super cute drawing of Loz, Yazoo and Kadaj with Cloud. It's titled "older brother" in Japanese. [ .us/posts/4213878] Just look at how cute this is. *cries* XD

Anyway! We are still picking up on the Ferris wheel, where we left off in the ahem last chapter. *dies* Hope you like it!


CHAPTER IX.

Hesitation


Lightning

"Mmn.." I moaned into Cloud's unrelenting kiss, and all the feelings we had been holding back came pouring out of us.

After what seemed like an eternity, we both parted for air. Cloud's cheeks had a faint red glow, and I didn't even want to look at myself right now. Cerulean blue orbs gazed romantically into my eyes again, eager to close the distance between our lips. Cloud's hand cupped my cheek with such care I felt like I was fragile, but safe in his delicate hold. His other arm, now snaked around my waist, had me completely pressed against him. Had the seat belt not held us in our places, we would be all over each other.

I parted my lips, my hand gripping his shirt with such force I was afraid I would rip the fabric apart. My eyes were locked on him, fixated, unable to look away. I had never noticed the detail in his unnaturally beautiful eyes. I didn't know what to say, or why I was so taken. It was like I didn't belong to myself any longer.

Cloud understood my silence and nodded in a hurry, his lips impatiently pressing against mine in another passionate kiss.

Words could wait.

The car must have stopped at some point, but we hadn't noticed.

"Hey, get a room!" I heard the very familiar voice of Zack Fair. Cloud pulled away from my lips, but did not budge as his arms were still wrapped protectively around me. My eyes scanned the front to see all of our friends waiting for us near the ticketing office. Other couples were already descending down the platform, with all other cars empty by now.

Cloud reluctantly let go of me as I squirmed slightly in his grip. Undoing my own belt, I stood up as best as I could. My footing was still loose and I felt wobbly, and it had nothing to do with the ride whatsoever.

The blonde had also stood up, clearing his throat awkwardly. Both of us dared not to look at each other as we returned to the others. I glanced apologetically at Tifa, who couldn't hide the hurt in her eyes, even though she was forcing herself to smile. Surprisingly, Serah also looked unhappy, though she did a poor job hiding it compared to Tifa.

I realized this was going to be very awkward and both of us would need to have a number of conversations with different people.

"Tomorrow... let's talk." I suggested and the girls nodded in silent agreement.

"Girls' night with Light! Never thought the day would come!" Vanille squealed and her energy was actually appreciated right now.

"Farron," I heard the voice of my boss, ringing in the air with its usual authority. It was a welcome distraction. Tseng walked over to me with Elena and Rude trailing behind.

"The other office just took over, so we are off duty now. How about a ride with the team on the roller coaster?"

"Euh, sure." I replied quickly, still unable to even glance in the direction of the blonde. I said my goodbyes to the girls, following the Turks to line up for the roller coaster.

Tseng climbed in first, and I intentionally stepped back, letting Elena climb in next to him. I glanced around and didn't find any sign of Reno, so I got in next to Rude. This ride was different, with Elena the only one screaming. She was hiding her face in Tseng's chest as he wrapped his arm around her shivering shoulders.

It was really cute.

After two rounds of the roller coaster, a swaying Elena could take no more. "Guys...I think I'm gonna be sick…." she held her head in pain as Tseng steadied her.

"Why don't you guys sit somewhere, I'll go buy something. Ice cream?" Rude asked and we all nodded in thanks.

"I'll look for Reno," I offered and the others waved me off. I walked around the carnival for a while, glad to be alone. My heart beat had calmed down significantly, and with Cloud no longer in close proximity I could breathe normally again.

What had happened back there?

These feelings were so new to me that I had no reference for them. There was no comparison, no way to analyze. I never thought of confiding in Serah because she was younger than me and she needed a strong role model. Tifa was the first to come to mind but...with her history with Cloud, it was bound to be painful for her.

I roamed around helplessly for a while, until I spotted Reno leaning against a wall, smoking.

"Smokers die young," I tried to tease, but Reno only inhaled deeply, closing his eyes.

"Non-smokers die too," he finally said, his turquoise eyes looking straight into mine. "I told you I'll be quick." He said in a low voice of complaint and I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Sorry," I mumbled, suddenly feeling guilty for taking off. "I um-" I began but Reno cut me off.

"I know, I know. You go to high places when you're lonely, right? I went to look for you at the Ferris wheel, but blondie beat me to it…" I had never seen Reno look so depressed before. Taking the last puff, he tossed his cigarette in the ashtray, slipping his hands in his pockets. "So? What do you want?"

His unfriendly tone caught me off guard. I wasn't used to this Reno.

"The others are looking for you," I tried to speak flatly, but it wasn't possible. I was bothered by how coldly he spoke to me, and for some reason I couldn't match his tone.

It's not even like I returned Reno's feelings. Then why was I upset? Was it because I had already started considering him a friend?

Reno watched me debate internally with myself. He walked over to me, sighing in annoyance. "I hate it when you do that. Just lose yourself, all alone in your head. Would it kill you to tell people what you're thinking once in a while?"

I was taken aback by his words and I gave them some thought. Finally, I decided to be honest. "I um," I started awkwardly, "don't want us to be this way. I think."

Reno's cocky smile was missing from his face, and so was his earlier look of frustration. He covered his face with his arm as he looked away, and his sudden blush caused me to blush and look away as well.

Had I said something embarrassing?

"Damn it Farron!" Now finally able to face me, I was glad to notice him smiling arrogantly again. "Well, I know something that will fix us right up, yo. You haven't gone on a single ride with me so, do me the honor?" He extended his hand.

"Only one." I glared at him as I took his hand, letting him lead me to a boat ride. We climbed into our seats, buckling up. The ride itself was fun, going through 'spooky' caves (which weren't even scary to be honest) and crossing a vast body of water, only to join a road track and cover some ground. It then returned to the boarding area. Sprays of water had soaked us slightly, and I felt a chill running across my body.

"You are severely underdressed for this weather," Reno helped me get out of the ride as I wiped the water off my bare skin. "Not that I mind one bit." He added with a sly smirk and I rolled my eyes.

Reno was back to his usual flirting and somehow things felt like they had returned to normal.

What a weird 'normal' to have.

I felt a strong grip around my wrist, which yanked my hand out of Reno's. Cloud was next to me, a deep growl escaped his lips as he pulled me away from the redhead protectively. "I'll take it from here, thanks," his words were cold, an arrogant tone that I hadn't thunk him capable of before.

"Always getting in the way," Reno said with gritted teeth as he released a 'tch', his own eyes also narrowed towards the blonde with equal dislike.

"Let's go," Cloud began dragging me away.

I saw Reno wave without a smile, before turning my attention to the path ahead of me. I heard the redhead calling out from behind us. "Hey Cloud, say hi to your brothers for me."

I felt Cloud tense, another deep growl escaping from him. He muttered something under his breath, too low for me to hear, and we continued walking in silence.

"Hey, S-Strife. Slow down," I said carefully as Cloud's hurried footsteps eased into a walk. His fingers were still wrapped tightly around my wrist.

We walked in silence awkwardly. He had slowed down as I had asked him to, but I didn't know what to say. Somehow he had shown me too many new sides of him in one night and I found him a little unfamiliar now. The cool calmness we had shared sitting next to each other was replaced with a strange hot tension between us, and I felt my cheeks heat up again at the replay of what happened on the Ferris wheel not too long ago.

His fingers loosened around my wrist as he released me and I felt just a tinge of sadness. My eyes glanced towards his hand, hanging by his side. I felt an urge to hold it, but the action was too bold for me to actually execute.

"Cloud! Light! Come here, we're taking a group photo!" Zack's loud voice ended our silence as we walked over to the group. Everyone was shuffling around trying to pose. Vanille, Hope, Yeul and Noel crouched in the front, with Fang, Vincent, Snow, and Serah behind them. Snow and Vincent were also hunching slightly in the second row because of their height. Zack wrapped his arms around Aerith's waist, leaning his chin on her shoulder as he stood next to us.

I hesitated, watching Tifa look around nervously, unsure of where to stand for the photo. "Hey, Strife. Come here," I fought back the embarrassment I had now started feeling around him, grabbing his arm with my hands. My mind drifted off to admiring how muscular it was for a moment, before I broke free of those thoughts and cleared my throat.

"Tifa, I'm scared blondie over here's gonna bolt. Help me hold him in place, will ya?" I called out as Tifa's eyes widened in surprise. She nodded happily, wrapping her hands around Cloud's free arm.

We both leaned our heads against his shoulders.

"Happy Halloween on three!" Zack shouted as we all posed and I did my damn best to fight back a smile.

"1, 2, 3… Happy Halloween!"

When I woke up the next morning, I was surprised to see it was already bright outside. I had...slept in? I glanced at the digital clock by my side and it read 9:00.

Wow, I thought as I rolled out of bed, finding my roommate's bed empty.

I took a shower, changing into a pair of black jeans and a sleeveless turtleneck. I really needed to go shopping for warmer clothes.

Dropping some of my clothes off at the dry cleaner's, I went to the library to return some books that I had borrowed. I stopped by my room and picked up a few of my things, grabbed an extra large coffee at the cafe and made my way to work.

The security office was quiet, save Elena occasionally answering the phone.

"Oh...you're on duty today?" I asked as my eyes scanned the shift board.

"Yeah, stupid Reno is sick." Elena groaned as she typed away furiously. "And the worst thing is," she beckoned me closer with her hand as he whispered, "Tseng asked me out to dinner yesterday!"

I was going to smile and offer my congratulations but she continued in a disheartened voice, "But noooooo. Of course Reno had to fall sick today of all days!" Her voice now grew louder as the phone rang and she almost shouted. "Hi this is Elena, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?!"

I flinched away, straightening up as Rude walked in with cups of coffee, taking one out of the paper holder and placing it on the reception.

"Tough crowd today," he joked as I shuddered at the thought of the person on the other side of the phone, incurring Elena's wrath.

"He's sick?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Caught a cold like an idiot," Rude informed me, drinking his coffee. I took a sip of my own as well.

"I'd love to go check on him, but I am going out with the girls tonight," I offered apologetically. Rude shook his head.

"He's fine on his own. Pretty moody when he's sick, but thanks," he added towards the end quickly and I nodded.

We worked until early evening, too busy to even take our lunch breaks. The campus was bracing for the first snow, which would be followed by a blizzard of extraordinary force.

"Shouldn't the maintenance office be doing this?" I grumbled as I unloaded a heavy sheet of metal.

"Apparently this falls under 'public security'" Elena complained as she counted the sheets in the truck.

"Disaster control, my ass. My whole day is a disaster," she glanced longingly at Tseng who was working quietly in his office. Rude and I both chuckled as we continued to work silently.

We finally managed to consolidate all the supplies in our storage room. I stretched as Tseng finally came out of his office. "Sorry I couldn't help," he said as he distributed a list of tasks.

"Over the next week, we need to deliver supplies to every building, do a risk assessment and give it to maintenance, they will do any fixing that needs to be done." He gave us a general run through. "According to the forecast, we'll get only one day of the blizzard in November, and then a few days in December and January. This will be a good way for us to prepare for the following months. I need all hands on deck, so if you want days off, please schedule them for before or after. Part-timers, you're off for today. Turks, meet me in my office."

I clocked out, shooting a look of apology towards the blonde girl for leaving earlier. She shook her head as she smiled at me. "It's fine, you're off anyway...thanks for all your help. I am sorry you even missed lunch because of this."

Rude waved at me lightly. "You were a big help, thanks."

"Don't mention it," I said as I removed my ID from around my neck and threw it in my bag. I stepped out of the office to see Serah waiting for me outside the entrance.

"Hi sis…" She smiled sheepishly as she did a small wave.

"Hi," I raised an eyebrow as we began walking back to the girls' dormitory. "Did something happen?" I asked, unable to contain my worry.

"No no…" Serah said timidly, making me only more worried.

"Well you came to look for me at work, which you never do." I pointed out and Serah bit down on her lower lip.

"I wanted to talk to you before we head out with the girls…just the two of us."

We sat on a bench near the dormitory, watching some of the half-bare trees, missing their red leaves in odd places. It was colder now, and Serah was wearing a puffy sweater with an equally warm muffler. She looked really cute. I smiled, crossing my arms and legs as I looked at her.

"Well? Shoot." I said, watching her fumble with her scarf awkwardly, delaying. "Is this about Snow?" I narrowed my eyes threateningly and Serah shook her head in response.

"Um...It's actually about Cloud."

Well, didn't see that one coming.

"What about him?" I asked, trying to sound as patient as possible.

"Well, you know...I don't know if he's good for you," Serah surprised me. I had never thought I'd be having this conversation with my little sister.

"Why do you think so?" I asked, trying to hear her out with an open mind.

"I mean, Tifa and Cloud just broke up and then he immediately asked you out. And he's so… I don't know. Cold."

I chuckled, smirking at my little sister. I was a lot colder than Cloud by most standards. I guess he was more likely to be easily misunderstood. "So you're worried he's going to break my heart?" I predicted and Serah nodded, big Bambi eyes full of concern.

"Serah, do you seriously think I'll let someone just walk all over me?" I asked and she shook her head. "See? It's fine. I am taking it slow. And Spiky never asked me out or anything." I added to which Serah's head shot up in my direction.

"Huh? You're not dating? But you guys were kissing the crap out of each-"

"Don't!" I held my hand up to stop Serah as blood rushed to my cheeks. "-Remind me. Please." I added the please to sound nicer. I realized my voice had come out cold and sharp.

Serah nodded, playing with her scarf again.

"So…promise me you'll be careful?"

"Promise," I repeated, pulling her in for a hug. "Thanks for worrying about me."

Serah finally smiled like herself again. "Let's go! Don't want to keep the girls waiting." She jumped up and pulled me along. During the short walk, I took several deep breaths, mentally preparing myself for the night that was to come.


Cloud

The morning after the carnival, I set my alarm early and went for a run around campus. Damn my luck, but I never came across the pink haired girl even once. Strange… I thought she always went for a morning run around this time.

After doing several laps, I came back and showered, wondering what to do since I was up ridiculously early. With Zack still asleep, snoring away endlessly in bed, I went to the library to read and took a nap after.

I was woken up by a soft touch and I groggily opened my eyes to find red ones staring back at me.

"Cloud, why are you sleeping in here?"

"Hnn…" I grunted, blinking a few times to shake the sleep off. "Fell asleep reading." I told her the truth.

Tifa sat down next to me, pulling out her books out of her bag. "Well, if you're bored and got nothing to do, help me study for the finals." She tapped one of her books demandingly with her usual 'Tifa smile.'

"Sure, but it'll cost you," I teased with a deadpan face and she rolled her eyes.

"Oh please!" She narrowed her eyes at me, the smile never leaving her. I also couldn't help but smile slightly as I peered over her books and began working.

"Should we take a break?" She asked after a few hours had passed.

"Sure, let's eat," I suggested as we began walking towards the west gate. "Where's everyone?" I found myself asking as my eyes scanned the city for pink hair.

"You mean, where's Lightning?" Tifa teased and it took no time for the guilt to return, making my chest feel heavy with it. Tifa continued, trying to be casual about it. "She gets off work in the evening."

Security huh...I felt annoyed thinking about that Reno guy flirting with her in my absence.

"So… did you tell her what you needed to say?" Tifa asked me after we had finished ordering our food and took our places.

I remember how I had said 'I like wolves' in the heat of the moment, when I really should have said 'I like you.'

"Sorta," I looked away nervously.

"So…" Tifa stalled before looking at me patiently. "You're dating?"

"Aren't we?" I replied, now feeling a panic stirring inside me.

"You can't answer my question with a question!" Tifa pouted in protest.

"What was the question?" I was now confused.

"I asked if you guys are dating now." Tifa repeated and I felt an uncomfortable pressure in my chest again.

"Yes, I think so." I replied quickly.

"So… meaning you asked her to be your girlfriend and she said yes?" She clarified.

"Was I supposed to do it like that?" I raised an eyebrow and Tifa looked like she was going to burst into another one of her famous lectures about 'human connections.'

"Oh god… Cloud… You just kissed her?" Tifa now looked horrified and I was starting to feel like she was putting me on trial.

I wanted to tell her 'I couldn't help it', which was the truth. But I figured that would be too much. "That's pretty much it," I ended up saying.

"Wow. Just wow," Tifa's look of disappointment was obvious. Thankfully our food came over and we started to eat, focusing on our food for a while.

"Let me get this straight," Tifa asked as she munched on a french fry, "Both of you said nothing?" She emphasized on the last word.

"We said a few words," I responded. I couldn't remember anything past our…

"You're blushing." Tifa pointed out and I coughed awkwardly, taking a sip of my drink. "Quite easy to tell what you were thinking of, but anyway…" She rolled her eyes and looked away before looking back at me. "Don't you think you should have at least asked her out properly? Lightning has no dating experience so I am pretty sure you have to take the lead."

"I didn't have to ask you to be my girlfriend," I said truthfully and Tifa glared at me.

"Yes, that's because we liked each other for years-."

I know that she was just trying to have a normal conversation, but after she said those words Tifa's eyes appeared wounded. She looked away, barely touching her food as silence took over.

"I appreciate you being there for me, but don't try so hard," I wanted to hold her hand to comfort her, but I didn't want to send mixed signals so I kept a friendly distance.

"It sucks…." Tifa spoke after what seemed like a long silence. Tears were poking out the corner of her eyes, ready to slide down her cheeks with one single push. "The more I want to hate her, the more I can't. Last night too, when she asked me to hold you... I know it was because she was thinking of me…" Tifa continued as I watched her speak silently. "I still love you, even though we both know it's not going to work, my feelings just don't go away…. Is it always going to be like this…?" Tifa's voice quaked as tears finally betrayed her. "It gets better, right? I mean, you found a new love too."

"It gets better," I repeated, even though I knew the extent of Tifa's feelings for me surpassed my own feelings for her by a long shot.

"I am sorry, why am I crying again…" she rubbed the tears out of her eyes. "You're so stupid," she said out of nowhere and I frowned at her unfair diss before sighing and pretending to agree with her as I nodded 'sadly.'

This cracked Tifa up and she started laughing. I was glad to see her smile again. "I am sorry. If you want to date Lightning, you have my blessing." She finally said as she patted my shoulder. "I'll give her my blessing when I see her later tonight, too."

I was grateful for a friend like Tifa. Her words put me at ease, and I was glad that things had ended on a good note between us. While it was not possible to continue forward with Lightning without hurting Tifa, I hoped to avoid giving Tifa any unnecessary pain as much as possible.

We finished our food and I walked Tifa back to the dorms.

"Have fun," I nodded as I saw her off and she returned it with a happy "Mmhmm!"

As I began walking back, now realizing that Lightning may or may not have understood my… intentions, I tried to figure out what I should say the next time I saw her.


A/N: Ah, god bless Cloud and his awkwardness. Today's update is a bit short, so I might do two tomorrow to compensate. I am sorry guys. I am so busy today it was hard to squeeze in even one. T^T I'm planning a fun girls' night chapter, so if you have any suggestions for it please leave them in the review. I am totally thinking of doing a LightningxCloud stuck in the blizzard scene in the upcoming chapters but... maybe it's too cliched. I don't know. I am just a fangirl who is out of control XD Thank you for reading!