Time for another Dream sequence! Yikes. I am building up too much technical debt from early installment weirdness with no proofreading for the early chapters.
The next chapters will include Repulse and Kent if i can, They haven't been mentioned for too long. and right now, I haven't gave them personalities that distinguish them from a generic shipgirl. I also need to address the mess hall incident with me blurting out my esoteric abilities (But thankfully not enough to blow my cover) It's still somewhat slice-of-life and average everyday stuff with worldbuilding mixed in. But a battle will happen eventually.
"Hate is always foolish, and love is always wise."-Unknown
It felt very strange, I wasn't floating. buoyancy. no dampness, Instead. I felt weightlessness. total silence.
Then I opened my eyes, and they bulged wide in surprise.
All around me was Space, Earth below and the sun above. but all reversed in color, All around me. as far as I saw, were beautiful nebulas. clouds and sparkling stars floating around me, I was on my back. floating in this without suffocating, Two shooting stars floated past me. My clothes weren't my usual ones I wore, but instead my Nanoha armor. complete with time shield, but without the additional weight of Homura's turtleneck shirt underneath it. A blue glow surrounded me, probably the atmosphere I was breathing in and out. The sight had me... Amazed, mesmerized.
Another one of these lucid dreams. Was I dreaming? Much to my slight disappointment, I didn't find myself on a Niven ringworld or on a endless horizon of green grass like paradise. But this was a dream, almost like the one I had earlier. And that alone was a wonderment, It felt like a lucid dream. yet more, At least I wasn't sinking in Kancolle and turning into an Abyssal. or either becoming one with the Force. It would have made me scream in rage if that was the case.
Testing how it felt being in space, I flexed my fingers. watching the blue glow forming a outline-shaped shell around them, Then curling in and noticing the rainbow-like powder that was leaving me and forming a trail behind me. again sparkling and twinkling before fading.
"This.. This is crazy..." I asked noone, and everyone. For a time, I floated about in the void. I tried to will myself to fly around in my dream, Much to my irritation. I could not. Do Magical girls even work in space anyway?
"Hello, Karina." The voice was different from that of the voice actress in the anime and the game. Older and more severe, It was an ancient voice. One that truly had experienced time in a way no human could understand. It was not unkind, but it was used to being in control. and I felt only surprise from it. It was the voice of a long gone girl.
"U-Uzume?" I spun around to see Uzume floating before me, wearing her trademark costume, as I remembered her from Megadimension.
"Yes. It is me, Uzume Tennouboshi. The same one from Megadimension Neptunia. I see you've achieved your wish. namely, becoming someone else you wanted to be in dream fulfillment." Her voice again spoke, and it occurred to me that we had to be communicating through telepathy. seeing as in Space we shouldn't be able to hear each other, but dreams don't need to follow reality. Her face looked kind, but there was a sort of sad smile to it. as if she was down about something.
I shook my head with a blush. "Are you another part of me? Uzume?" Something interrupted my attention, Taking my eyes off her. still floating a meter away. I made out several silhouettes, As my vision focused on them. I noticed much to my awe that they were Shipgirls from Azur lane, all seemingly sailing in the void. ghostly water rippling from their walking. There were even Original shipgirls and Kancolle kanmusus mixed in with them. The leader of this herd gestured, and almost as one. the mood of the fleet changed. I could practically feel it as being so close at this distance, some of them were jammed together like boxes. they all tossed their heads and turned toward one direction, accelerating into a fast walk. then a run...
"W...What..." I tried to stammer out frantically, only to go unheard as I watched them. A few had fallen, but others helped them to get up and keep running. The crowd seemed to blur into each other, a mass of forms all moving as one being. Uzume's voice broke the trance again as it made me swivel my head back.
"Yes, I suppose you could call it that way. but I don't like referencing to myself as such!" She returned my question hearty, Rough but not too abrasive. "Do you remember Nanoha and Sakura? The ones you met some time ago?"
"Mhm, in my dreams. you mean?" I had noticed that i was speaking more confidently and without any breaks or errors in my voice. Was this my true personality shining through, unhindered by Norfolk's mannerisms? Or was it just the general mood of the dream?
"Yes, The two of them. They gave you some answers as to what you're supposed to do here, right? Norfolk?"
Rolling my eyes. I just shook my head and pointed at her with my finger. "Uh huh... I didn't get anything from them, Just what my role was in this world and how each one of them told me that i had fulfilled their last wishes. Nanoha herself said that I gave her hope." That at least I wasn't being combative or aggressive in this lucid dream was a good start for my chat with Ghost-Uzume. Maybe she had suffered the Ascension ending here? But then again, Was it all just a dream. or was there something more to these than i thought?
Uzume smiled, a sad expression crossing her features. the endless expanse of the inverted void making it seem ever more melodramatic. "She represented the part of you who was changed by the tragedies in your past, The hand you were dealt with by the casino of the genetic lottery. or where you took your first breath, or what happened with the subprime crash. All of these made you angry. resentful, furious at the injustice of the world. with people who were willing to vote away their own social welfare toward a late-stage capitalistic pseudo-fascistic nightmare ruled by psychopaths subverting the system. And your dog..." The valley girl in front of me hesitated for a minute. her fingers twitching. "I'm sorry for what happened to your dog... and what happened with your nanny, and how your family tore itself apart..."
"Just save it." I spat coldly. feeling a tingle of pain and sadness well up within me at hearing her touch upon my past. "Who are you. Uzume? What are you here for?"
Her eyes looked down, questioning if she should say it of not. but she looked up back at me. her eyes looking like she had seen Neptune die in front of her. "I... I represent the kindful, childish part of you. The part whose innocence, hyper-empathy. the compassion you hold for others because of how Reitz's works influenced your worldview... I'm the gentle and deeply hurt dere-dere part of you."
Hearing that made my eyes go wide, and I gulped somehow quietly in the vacuum. I remembered how my past life was like. How I had a caring father, How I drifted. playing violent video games like Sift Heads and Material sniper, or Combat heaven. And how i gained. then lost my interest in swimming, how i self-medicated myself. researching various methods to cheat the process of biological aging itself, spurred on by a interest with the whole CRISPR video. How I found some articles describing NMN and Nootropics. and...
I...I didn't admit it very much, But behind that subhumanization propaganda and various psychological tricks like the human-shaped E-type targets replacing bullseye targets. Killing just... felt somewhat empty to me, Sure. Sirens. People. They would threaten my life, but at the same time. They had friends and maybe a child. right? A child who would surely be spurred on by my killing to track and hunt me down in vengeance. like some kind of movie, or AAA video game sequel? Soldiers cried out for their mothers when dying, People lost their will to fight when their lives were at direct threat. Yes, Most psychopaths were in Business or Economics. because it was easy to isolate, rationalize and reduce people onto a spreadsheet and statistics. and it was true that more money meant you were more buffered, and you started thinking you didn't have to rely on others. and your empathy decreased into eventual psychopathy. but...
As much as I wanted to kill... It was just... Even mortal enemies felt too sentimental to me, It was only right to aid them after the initial crushing. Behind society's image of men as breadwinners. muscle-laden men who drank beer at the bar every weekend, who killed people over touching the wife or looking at children the wrong way. and who tried to scare lesser equals. or flaunt their wealth and status hierarchy subtly without expensive clothing, by showing off their own financial empires with car collections. or the power to lobby and corrupt even the most democratic or pure-hearted Authoritarian government systems with donations and think tanks... I... I wasn't anything like that. I was just a small. gentle Mahiro Oyama-esque boy who wanted to be a little girl. who didn't care very much about machismo or the ideas of Kratos and male objectification. or lady fanservice... It didn't sound very much appealing to me. and the idea came off as disgusting compared to the idea of being a little girl who wouldn't hesitate to fight if angered enough.
I was just lucky that I had opened my eyes back when the Civil Rights movement was truly gaining steam with the onset of the Internet. Being gay only gave you a gun pointed toward your head from angry. pissed-off dads or either mothers throwing you out. I had read enough about just how broken bio-households and half of all families - what with half of marriages ending in divorces all because it was just to appeal to pressure and relatives - were. what with forced incest and god knows what to know what happened in these.
"Well, Why are you here? Am I having a Persona moment? or is this just a self-reflection dream? It doesn't make that much sense..."
"Because, As much as I understand why. You're too hesitant, or too submissive to change how things will unfurl, when you have the chance to do so on the dinner plate before you." Uzume continued in a caring but firm tone. "Ever since you're woken up here, You... can't fight, or at times. you intentionally make things harder for yourself. whether it be by turning off your radar, Or refusing to put up a CAP. Or refusing to fight because you're worried about changing things too much or being berated by other shipgirls for pointing out their flaws all to just hold back, It's a noble idea, but... It doesn't win awards when shoving becomes punching."
Her response, her representation of being the more brave and passionate part of me. Her criticism of my inferiority complex struck me in the heart. Yes, I had been hesitant and even refused to wipe out entire Siren squadrons when I could have done so. because I didn't want to swing things too much in Azur lane's favor. or worse, incite a response from the Sirens to develop better technology in a attempt to counter me and to improve their doctrines, But when I looked back... The way I could have ended up inflicting friendly fire on Albacore even as I had targeting pods. How i put my fellow co-workers into danger's way with my refusal to cripple a battleship that was training their guns on them... Being too avoidant and withdrawn to try and nudge things toward a particular direction.
"T-that's not... I..." I just sighed in a defeated tone. "I'm just that afraid. I don't want to change things too much to the point of screwing up the canon." Dream-Uzume, in a way, was trying to get me to become more like the passionate and bolder side of me. the side of me that wanted to take risks and change the world. the side of me that wanted to have so much in ambitions and not a commoner. the side of me that wanted to fight for what was right in my beliefs.
"And yet. You wish to change things for the better, Right? You can't allow humanity to win against the Sirens. but at the same time, You can't allow a Cataclysm Dark Skies future with a globalwide occupation, You're too unsure of yourself to take action when you must. You don't even want to shine, Shine brighter than the restraints you place on yourself. All so you can keep pretending to your friends out of regret over your secret." Uzume uttered, a mixture of sadness. regret and yet disheartened over my indecision simply because I was too afraid i would be going out of my depth in trying to change things. Yes, I adjusted to this world quickly simply because I wished for something better than being stuck in a legacy bio-matter body. but... When the fictional became real, well. You can't just push the stop button when your wishes were granted in the most blunt way possible.
I looked toward my left again and saw that there were holograms of... moments of my life, Snapshots of my history frozen in an instant. Without any actual dates, they made little context. just a jumble of disconnected pictures, but if they were lined up on a track. then I noticed that they, in a sort of way represented important experiences for me. each moment they mapped resembling each other, each line of pictures representing a series of moments, giving the illusion of movement and time passing.\ Inside the shipgirl crowd, I also spotted a new face. and noticed that it was... Alice.
Alice, The Alsace-class battleship fanart drawn by someone for Azur lane. and next to her was the genuine Norfolk. walking ahead with a emotionless expression just like everyone else as if following the crowd in the streets, And she too had my original. genuine clothes. not my modified jacket that I got when Vestal bolstered me even further.
"Uzume, Please. Tell me. I do want to change things, and you're right... But I can't really afford to risk dropping the facade on my hidden magic abilities, and... I'm actually not sure of what to do. What is Alsace walking alongside Norfolk supposed to represent? Who are the shipgirls in that... dreamwalk supposed to be doing? Who was that dark version of me in my dream. Or 'Dark' Nanoha? Why am I Norfolk. yet Alsace? Should I not be Enterprise or Worcester, Or Des moines or Burke. even? What is with me being a Magical girl?" I badgered her for answers, Even if she was just a split personality that emerged in my dream. I really wanted answers. Answers to this maze of questions and what I should do next without explicit orders. Do I manipulate the global order by picking off election candidates? Should I break into Skunk Work labs? Communicate with a siren shipgirl whose's views were more aligned with mine's. and squeeze her for every bit of information on why the war happened and what were the origins of shipgirls? Did my own theory of Magic being the next step in evolution, and that without it. degenerative mutations and decreased fitness due to a sort of missing auto-intelligent-evolution apply here? Should I keep the world as it is, Or push for a sort of resource-based-economy socialist future. which would also alleviate the reason why my hatred and despair developed in the first place, even to the brink of a Death of despair in my earlier days?
Too many branching choices... too little time, For I did not know how many minutes. or hours passed in the lucid dream. After all, Hours could easily pass in the real world while you only spent a couple of minutes in the dream... right? There were many ways to go with what I was suggesting, ranging from the simplest like tipping off both sides to each other's plans. up to some grand. insanely complex plan involving lots of stolen information. The last i remembered, The priority shipgirls weren't here yet. but it still left the question of who that dark persona of me was doing in my dreams, And I know for certain that she couldn't be a witch. because if she was. I would have witched out a long time ago. Same for anything from Neptunia, since I was not really the kind of person that you could expect me to get through some crazy story without being consumed by negative energy. There were just too many things working against that kind of idea, from the subtle like my favorite being Koishi or Flandre to how i sometimes joked in my past life as being the one to flip from being a Solar magic user to darkness wielder. That is, that i was expected to be a really powerful hero early on but later turn into the villain midgame. it was all feeling like a NDE more and more by the second.
Gently taking my right hand into her fingers. Dream-Uzume slowly pointed toward something on my right. and without so much as one question, since she was refusing to speak anything. I turned my gaze toward where she was pointing.
Filling half of my vision on the infinite horizon, Two Magentar stars. their brilliant, matter-warping magnetic fields flaring brightly like some kind of supernova. as if someone had piled on neodymium and then proceeded to have them generate teslas upon teslas in a runaway process, bloating into a field so powerful that even matter itself became skinny. forced into cylinders as matter struggled to survive in such extreme conditions. The stars were in turn, orbiting around a bright-white main sequence star two to three times the size of the other two. The twins orbiting at a exaggerated speed and distance.
A sense of awe and a tingle of fear washed over me with my mouth agape, To see a Magnetar's magnetic field visualized. let alone witness these stellar behemoths up close, orbiting around a main sequence star without destabilizing was a once in a lifetime experience. but if any flaws in these twin stars gave way on their crusts. then the eruption of light, star stuff and energy would be enough to reduce me and Uzume to sub-magic stuff, and probably the Ethernal shipgirls into their constituent cube-matter. Then there was the part of me that wanted to point out how inaccurate it was. but the words didn't leave my chest.
"W..What is...Who..."
Uzume laughed lightly, my mouth still trying to work on figuring out the correct words. "That." Uzume pointed with her glove. a ghost of a smile playing on her face. "Represents you. The Twin Magnetars are the spirits of Alsace and Norfolk. each fighting for their own control. And you, Kari. stabilize them. The Main sequence star that the two orbit around and bond to. letting them co-exist without becoming uncontrollable and unstable at the contradictory sense of self and semi-fabricated memories from the british girl's perspective." The magnetic fields began to glow even brighter. and I squinted my eyes in discomfort, muttering words as I wanted a answer.
"Magnetars...Alsace? Stabilize? Do you say that I'm the one keeping them from driving me crazy? What do you mean by that?"
Uzume huffed and crossed her arms. Even the idealistic part of me wasn't too kind toward idiots... like myself right now.
"Alsace was never built, She is like a ghost. just a imprint spread out and dissolved over the infinite expanse of reality itself. But Norfolk would never accept her, allow a merge to happen without degenerating into a psychotic, vegetative-like state. And that is your role. Kari, You act as the foundation. A way for a Kanmusu who was never built to latch onto existence. doing so by connecting to you on the soul level. In turn, The british cruiser... herself orbits around you without orbital decay. any conflict in the sense of self, or the psyche being mended by your very presence. and in turn, Alsace herself can become more than just a disembodied mind."
I swiveled my head back toward her quickly, now showing interest. So that confirmed at least a part of my suspicions, that the Priority ships were never meant to exist. but why would the Norfolk part of me go insane from simply being the battleship herself? Was it because my body and memories didn't match correctly. creating a sort of phantom limb condition? Wouldn't being resurrected as the next class historically also mean that you would be suffering phantom limbs? Were the two connected to me, using me as a node to communicate to each other. Or were they also linked to each other like neural networks?
"Uzume... What happens... when their orbits, eventually decay? Are they settling down inside me. becoming a part of each other? Or are they just doing that to me instead?"
"..." Silence filled the void, The Dream-girl looking away in thought for moments. before she returned the gaze and gave me the answer. "...Yes, In fact, You're slowly becoming like them as time goes by. Your mannerisms. the way you stutter or suddenly become shy, It's happening to your personality. too. But at the same time, they're also becoming like you thanks to the influence of your memories. The connection is getting stronger, and eventually. there will be no 'Karina' or 'Norfolk' or 'Alsace', Not in the conventional sense. You would be yourself. And yet, you are Norfolk and Alsace as the same person."
"What happens?" I asked. "At that point, Could it be possible to separate me from the two?"
The valley girl shook her head. "No, it's not." Dream-Uzume gestured. "It may be possible. yes. But It would essentially entail ripping you in half. dissolving you into a sludge of random colors painted not by a pro, but by mad children and Nepsy herself. And in that melange, they would have to extract Alsace and Norfolk from you. so irreversibly changed by your memories and your mindset imprinting on them that they are completely different. And that is assuming the end result is coherent. not a mashed mess in discorporeal pain and driven mad by random, inconsistent snapshots of your life at different points that don't make sense."
"What about the Abyssals from Kancolle?"
"No as well."
Having no more words to ask, I tried to set my shoulders down, If one even could in space. On one hand, It was nice to know that I was not going anywhere from this body if I didn't want to. But on the other hand, being strapped on a chair. then suffering the grim fate of being a mad, gibbering mess in complete darkness with no eyes because some fuckhead had messed up one strand of my memory. or whatever substrate Kanmusu/Kansen minds existed in made me shiver at the thought, It would be like schizophrenia and alzheimer's mixed together. unable to tell who or you were, while having psychotic thoughts from split personality disorders ramped up on steroids. I had heard stories about these sufferers, To actually be one? That was pure horror.
Deciding to return to the original topic of what Dream-Uzume wanted me to do, I squinted my eyes and blinked away any tears before speaking up. "Uzume, Who was the dark version of me in my dreams? Or Nanoha for that matter? What am I supposed to do here?"
Rolling her eyes since she had told me earlier the first time, she obliged anyway.
"The Dark version of you, Or more specifically. the tainted version of you represents the more unhinged, bloodthirsty part of you. the part that hated how she was dealt unfair hands in her life, financially to upbringing, the side of you that wishes to see the world suffer in some sort of post-apocalyptic hellworld, with you as its biggest super-predator reveling in it. killing and engaging in acts of barbarity, and taking out your pain on everyone. condemning everyone just because you didn't have a welfare net or could live in a sort of NEET life, living on a automated post-scarcity life. in a apartment flat for a home and basic luxuries with no desire to work in a job you hate... No, in fact. which most people hate. just to slave away to avoid being homeless. She is simply an exacerbation of your darker traits."
'I never was the normal boy you saw with a water gun and a wide, stupid grin. right?' I wanted to laugh, partly out of dark humor and out of resignation. The thought that when... I liked yandere fanart, how I took so easily to Flandre or Koishi to the point of even being able to imitate one faithfully sounded ludicrous and nothing more than total mental imbalance, but I knew it was the truth since it played a important part with my few childhood friends. The grim intensity in Uzume's eyes only hammered in the point.
"And what about Dark Nanoha? Why did she appear. and not my darker self?"
"Again, She personifies your more darker traits, but in a more controlled and mature fashion. Unlike the dark version of you, despite your violence and sadism in such a state of mind. She was not completely insane, and had something of a moral compass and the definition of right and wrong. Dark Nanoha-you did tell you she wanted you to uncover the truth behind the origins of the war and any secrets lurking in the open. did she?"
I nodded, But that bought up a point for me... What was Uzume doing here then? What was I doing in the grand scheme of all of this?
"...Then, What are you here for? Uzume-me?"
Dream-Uzume paused for a minute, frowning as she had told me earlier. and now she had to start all over again, and this time elaborate deeper.
"You need to believe in yourself, Kari. While I can understand why you don't want to change things for fear of the end-result being unrecognizable beyond what you're used to, or because you want to keep the status quo. You can't change things truly with that method, I know that you can't risk messing up the chain of events too much. but if you keep doing so and being indecisive, At some point. someone close to you will... eventually die, Repulse. Vestal. Or Dorsetshire..."
"Don't twist the knife like that, Uzume-me." I told her morosely, Again. the ill feeling in my stomach returned from having one of my behavior tics be dissected and laid out on why it would only hurt me.
"You want to truly change things for the better, but at the same time. It all depends on your magic powers... Powers which you can't use out of keeping your secrets intact. But... I don't believe in that, I believe in your courage. You know." She replied absently, listening to every word. After all, If there was anything that could break my indecision gridlock. It would be the more braver and bolder part of me. "All I can ask of you is that you don't need to be afraid of letting your secret out, If you must cast away the cloak to save someone you care about. then do it. If you have to do so to save yourself, Do it. It's not worth being indecisive only to be wracked with regrets and tears because you can't change something that's already happened, or because you're lost your life."
I could picture Repulse, her eyes bloodied and a ugly. gaping hole in her knee from torpedo hits bleeding out to death, her expression that of fear, crying out for help. or Dorsetshire. silently wishing for me to save her, And suddenly. I knew that for an instant, that if I had been in a Kancolle scenario, then that would mean I would be afflicted with the same regrets Mutsuki had. 'That would mean that if things were different, Then I could have lost someone close to me.' Sure, Kisaragi was at least brought back. But did that apply if they lost most of their memories? Would she be the same person?
Dream-Uzume suddenly looked back behind her shoulder, seeming to realize something before turning back with a urgent expression. "...I wish I could talk more, but... I really must be going. Kari."
"Wait, Can't we just...!?"
"I really have to go, All I ask..." She took my hands into her's. wrapping her fingers around my palms. "is that you don't go around being pure. complete evil just for the cheap laughs. That's pretty much the MO of most Umbrella and cartoon supervillains, Don't go around dating everyone like this is just some cheap male commander dating shipgirls simulator that you can floor-clip and glitch out into infinite dates either. But at the same time, Don't hesitate to kill if you have to. since diplomacy may not be possible at times or you can't get what you need peacefully... As long as your heart is in the right place, You will bring salvation to the world. It just, depends on how you intreprt it."
I only nodded in response. "I will, and don't worry... I won't let my faith be wrong. I promise you that I do the damndest best i can!"
Reality around us began to unravel, turning pure white as the Magnetars dissolved. Even the Ethernal shipgirls began disappearing one by one, fading away into pure, beautiful sky-blue particles and powder. and Dream-Uzume let go, our bodies drifting away at a increasingly faster rate.
"Goodbye, Me. and remember, As long as your moral compass and heart is safe... You can do it, You...can..."
My awareness sparkled and subsided, into the Timelike seas of the possibilities and dynamic configurations.
