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IT'S CHANGES! (SNILY)
CHAPTER 3 Friends
Severus was sitting on a bed in the hospital wing, his legs stretched out and his hands in his lap where he's been staring for who knew how long after Madam Pomfrey examined him? After the lake incident he has only felt his world crumpling down beneath him. For Merlin's sake, who would not, it's Lily who's never going to talk to him. He had no idea in any hells about what to do. He had called the fucking wretched word to Lily, she most of all despised. He promised he would never do so, didn't he? But still he broke her confidence. It wasn't like they were on really trustworthy notes, they fought a lot before this too. All because of those want-to-be-Death Eaters. Initially, even though from a young age, he knew that associating with them is nothing more than keeping appearances. His mother had told him about non- sense blood-purity shit going on the world in which she didn't believe. Lily didn't like them either. But he did start getting on with them for more than just appearances.
After this thought he still believed that sometimes their support, respect and approvals did help him feel in place, as if he belonged. He was an outcast… the entire school was repelled by the skinny, pale boy with the nose who had no money to spare, however his friends didn't. Even though he fully well knew that they couldn't be called friends, but how much more did he expect from this world? He had a friend… true one… best one… who is now not talking to him either.
He felt numb. Didn't know what to think, what to do? He knew Lily is never going to talk to him, she'll most probably turn sooner to Potter than him. In spite of this, there was one little flicker of hope saying perhaps… maybe… everything can change. And he'll be willing to change his world to do that but then the question remains- how to? And what to?
A voice interrupted his train of thoughts, he looked up to see who was the disturbance.
"Are you listening Mr. Snape?... for Merlin's sake, I have been trying to get your attention for past five minutes" it was McGonagall, pursing her lips in disapproval.
He looked at her in sheer confusion for almost a minute. Still trying to take in the sudden change in mind background. Catching himself, he muttered a quick apology, embarrassed for not being attentive and she continued.
"So, Mr. Snape, as the incident beside the lake was related to me, it has come into my notice that you used an unknown spell on Mr. Potter which gave him a gash on his cheek?"
"Wait… it was merely in self- defence, I was minding my own business, when Potter and Black came attacking me and it was after they tried to choke me on soap." He defended his actions, this at least he did not deem as his fault.
"Regardless of that, Mr. Snape, you did use something like that with an unknown nature, which earns you a detention-"
He cut her "Why are you giving me that, Slughorn is our Head of House."
"Professor Slughorn" she corrected sharply, not too pleased to be cut while speaking. "And for what you need, Mr. Snape, I'm also the Deputy Headmistress whose word will remain above his, anyways, this detention to you is given by the headmaster."
The headmaster! Why in the blazing hell would someone take this to the headmaster, it was actually for self- defence this time. Oh… of course… Potter would do that to gain the favour of the headmaster once more after the Shrieking Shack's incident. First trying to play the hero, getting pats on his back and now playing the victim and earning sympathy.
"Whom do I have it with, Ma'am?" he asked glumly.
"Professor Sprout, everyday till the end of term for two hours"
At least, with Sprout, she was a good enough teacher, he liked her. Perhaps she would just assign him work and leave him to himself. And then she was way better than Filch.
"And Potter and Black must have gotten out of this too" he muttered darkly to himself.
"Then for your consolation, I must tell you, Mr. Snape, that Mr. Potter have detention with Professor Slughorn and Mr. Black with Mr. Filch till the end of term, every day, three hours." McGonagall said, seemingly heard what Severus said.
After a long day… or afternoon, he had something to feel satisfied about. HA! Black got it with Filch, and everyone knew how much Potter hated potions, after all, it was not for the brave and courageous. And Severus would feel unadulterated glee watching his rich arse washing cauldrons. However, it still put Dumbledore in a suspicious position. After all, he gave his precious, noble Gryffindors more detention than him? Even though he knew they deserved more, he also knew it was too much to ask.
"You must be resting now, Mr. Snape, after a sprained collarbone, a broken wrist and the poor condition of your throat."
"Thank you, Ma'am".
McGonagall left leaving Severus alone again with his own thoughts, but… well… that didn't remain the same for long. He heard footsteps coming towards him, and the drapes around the bed opened, revealing the handsome face of the 6th year Ravenclaw Shane Singh. He rounded the bed and sat in front of Severus on it, cross-legged, examining Severus quite closely. Severus looked down in his lap again, avoiding the brown eyes.
"So? You feel fine? You had pretty bad injuries."
"Yeah?" heat rose to his face when the word came out hoarse.
"You are upset, because of the fall down with Evans" it wasn't a question. Why did Singh have to insist talking about this? Severus looked up, black met brown and he scowled.
"Go away, and leave me alone" he never too much liked the Ravenclaws, nosy folk… yeah… sometimes.
"Admit it, Severus, it won't kill you. I know, she was- is close to you." Singh said in a voice which made Severus relax. And Severus would never admit this to anyone, not even to himself, but he liked being called by his first name. His father always called him names which made him feel worthless, his mother only sometimes called him by his name otherwise she wouldn't even speak to him. His mates and Professors in school called him Snape, again a name he detested, made him feel connected to his father which wasn't something he would say was pleasant. Then there was Lily, she called him by his name and now Singh, it made him feel loved, even though he barely knew the boy.
"Why are you here, you don't even know me?" he snarled, hurt coming out as anger. Yeah… Severus will remain Severus.
But Singh merely smiled. "You have got an anger, Severus, now, haven't you? Mostly after losing someone, I would assume, one would like to have someone to talk, so I'm here. Because if you don't know, in the muggle world people pay to just talk to feel relieved and vented." He said with a laugh.
Severus hated when someone can be so easily mature looking in front of him and who knew why he would behave like a bitter, immature and rude person. For the life of Merlin, he couldn't fathom why would someone like Singh would talk to him. Today, everything had been incomprehensible to me, anyways. He thought.
"What can I say about it, it's just over and she'll never talk to me again after I called her that ugly word" he whispered, his voice falling a drastic number of decibels. Why was he being so open? Hasn't he learned that it would only make him vulnerable? But now he wanted nothing more than to do so, perhaps he wouldn't even be able to talk freely. He doesn't get all the luxuries.
"I don't get you, Severus, why would you call her that, if she means so much to you?" Singh asked with a frown.
"Because I wanted to hurt her just like she did when she smiled on my mortification. I said it out of spite but I swear I didn't really mean it. I don't ever was bothered by her heritage." He said, desperately wanting someone to understand.
"Then go talk to her, if she really was your friend, she'll understand you. Tell her what you said it for and ask her about her smiling, perhaps it was just your imagination. Apologise." He advised, tilting his head, but then with a jerk of his head, he looked back and saw Selene standing there. Her mahogany hair braided rested on her shoulder and her pale blue eyes fixed on Severus. "Hi, Selene, never saw you coming" he said smiling.
But she ignored him and addressed Severus directly, "Would you stop being so pathetic, Snape, go simply apologise to her, I don't like these glum faces roaming around me."
"Selene! You don't talk to someone like this, I was speaking, I would have worked better" Singh scolded her.
"Sometimes this is how we persuade others, Shane, you won't understand. He's been looking downright miserable for how long?"- she gestured towards her watch- "Three hours and a half" she explained, keeping hand on her hips.
"You are being rude for no reason, Selene, you give people support when they are sad, just like you…" he trailed off, looking at Selene to Severus then again at Selene, trying to converse with eyes.
"But there was your mistake, Snape, you called her a Mudblood, it's of course a touchy issue for her. On top of that a friend of her calling her that, it must have hurt her." she told Severus triumphally.
"Selene, but in a relati-"
"She is correct, it was my mistake, I'll go apologise to her" he slowly admitted looking into his lap, not noticing the glare Shane was giving to Selene while she smirked. "But I think she still wouldn't want to talk to me, she would like nothing to do with me, it's all my mistake, mustn't have gone with Avery, Mulciber, Rosier and Malfoy, all of that sort. But she doesn't understand I have to keep appearances. What if she really, really never talks to me?" he was speaking to himself, his head in his hands, forgetting that the other two were still present. He felt a weight on his right shoulder, he looked up to see who it was and met by the set of brown understanding eyes.
Shane had that look, as if he understood. He detested pity, and if Shane's eyes would've held that he would've hexed him too. But there was only understanding which in a very unusual way comforted him.
"Severus, it's not always your mistake, but it's good to ask for forgiveness when you were on the wrong. You are not responsible for others." He nodded at him.
"Visiting hours are over!" a new but familiar voice came and the third side's drape opened "Miss Solace and Mr. Singh leave now, let Mr. Snape rest. And Mr. Snape should I repeat- LIE DOWN!" Madam Pomfrey admonished, sending both Selene and Shane running out of the hospital wing, leaving space for Severus to stretch his legs once more and lie down into contemplation.
"Should you need anything, call me, and rest, Mr. Snape. I have healed you but your left wrist will need a cast for almost a week."
"Yes, Madam Pomfrey" and he really couldn't care any less.
*Page Break*
Lily entered the red filled common room after mourning in the owlery over her and Sev's broken friendship. Her face was a mess with tear stains on her cheeks, red, puffy eyes which stung like hell after hours of crying. They were already falling out for over a year. The Sev she knew, who showed her the wizarding world, told her stories about magic and dementors. She laughed bitterly on the last part. She knew him for such a long time but still now he looked like a complete stranger. She understood Sev when they were young, but now he seemed nothing more than another blood- purist maniac, but was he? He himself was a half blood, shouldn't he be against those who followed pureblood prejudices?
She knew she shouldn't be feeling bad at him leaving her and choosing those want-to-be-Death Eaters above her instead, but still it did hurt her. He had very clearly showed his stream of interest, then why did she want to cling on?
She stopped herself immediately and found how pathetic she would sound. She wanted nothing to do with him now. He had chosen his path and she had hers already. It was over. But the thought of never talking to him again made her eyes water again. She truly, desperately wanted the old Sev back, whom she loved, who never called her a Mudblood, who shared everything with her, with whom she could have shared everything, whom she did all their home works with, whom she complained to about rude Tuney and silly Potter, who had a unique dry sense of humour that always made her laugh, who shared one side of her, always.
However, looking into the situation she didn't think she could get that Sev back. Never.
A voice met her ears which changed her miserable-self to an annoyed one. Potter.
"Yeah, just some detentions with old Sluggie, not much, Padfoot got Filch though." He said clapping a hand at the back of Remus and smiling like a maniac, he showed no remorse for what he did to Sev… why does she keep on doing this? It's Snape now, another want-to-be-Death Eater. And why would she care for his well-being anyways now? She chastised herself sharply, scowling to herself.
"Still, James, you shouldn't have done what you did, it's just wrong, it's humiliating. And now, you are celebrating his and Lily's fall out as if you got 100 galleons dropped on the street. I never liked Snape either, but that doesn't mean I'll be downright cruel to him!" Remus tried to explain it to James, but he was taking none of it.
"Snivellus could have physically hurt Evans, don't you see that? He gave a right example today, calling her that slur, he is nothing different than them. I've been telling you about this since the day we met him on the train for the first time." Potter almost growled at Remus. James' concern flattered Lily a little, only a little.
"Prongs, what he did was wrong but he still was doing nothing to you. And Solace was correct in saying that our principles are nothing different from them, you both did attack him for existing, then how can you question what they do." Remus pleaded desperately for Potter to understand what he meant.
"What has gotten into you today, Moony? Don't tell me you actually paid attention to what that Solace blathered about?"
"James…" he sighed, defeated. Lily climbed the stairs to her dorm, she didn't want to hear about it more, specially not from Potter. She only wanted to get under her covers and never come back again.
*Page Break*
Peter was listening to this bicker back and forth between Remus and James. Thinking of something to contribute to the conversation. He had many thoughts about the situation but he did not voice them out, James would surely hex him for saying that. When that Solace girl had pointed her wand on him, he had been terrified. She was speaking against them and pointing her wand on him brought a horrible thought to him. What if she does to him, what James and Sirius did to Snape? He had laughed and cruelly commented over it but he had to admit it would have been mortifying to be stripped in public.
Nobody would do that to him, because he had James, Sirius and Remus- A prefect to see his back. But what if someone do something to him like that or even worse, when he is alone? He never even wanted to think about that. He believed Remus was correct, that what Solace said was correct… their acts did match that of the Death Eaters. But who would take the time to burst into Padfoot and Prongs' stubborn heads?
He silently vowed that next time they would do any such thing; he wouldn't be a participant nor an audience. His mother had taught him about karma, that your deeds come back to you. He would detest to face anything which Snape did. They had been overboard that day.
His train of thoughts were interrupted by a bang of the door. A casually handsome, smiling face of Sirius was met to them when all three turned to look at the door.
"Hey, mates. Hey Moony, Prongs, Wormtail" he greeted them with enthusiasm, and well, not met by the same.
All they gave was a weak "Hi". Sirius frowned, "What are you all on about, looking as if someone has died?"
"Here, Remus is all talking about that Solace-" Sirius cut James with a horror-struck face.
"Moony, Moony! Don't tell me you fancy her" he said taking Remus' hands in his as if trying to make a connection to know the truth. "Tell me you don't, you know she is not for you, she is awful and a Slytherin. How could you, Remus?"
"Siri- Padfoot, what are you- what gave you that idea?" Remus said with wide eyes, shaking his head vigorously.
"But now- James… he said you were talking all about her"
"What about it?"
"Haven't you noticed; people talk much about the person they fancy. Prongs do that all the time, going all about Evans" his expression changing to one of exasperation. Why can't Remus just understand?
James sat back in the couch, taking in the conversation which got them diverted from the main point he was explaining and Peter looked utterly confused. A frown set on his brows and his eyes showed that he was trying to get the point of the on-going conversation.
"Oh…" Remus blushed and looked away, freeing his hands from Sirius' grip. "Well, no, I don't fancy her. You are right, she is not for me."
"Yeah… you understood… Good" Relief spread over Sirius' features and then he said jokingly "Just like Evans is not for Prongs"
"Hey" James looked offended, and others laughed.
"But seriously Prongs, there is not just one cauldron to make your potion in, grab another one" Sirius laughed at the Simp.
"I just like my golden cauldron, so shut up, about that Padfoot." Showing a warning finger in his way, though his eyes bore no heat. "By the way, did you get any suitable one for you Siri?"
Sirius' laughs stopped and he gave a scowl "I have plenty, but I still like transfiguration more than playing with cauldrons"
"Wait but we use a wand in Transfiguration… aren't you all- what exactly are you talking about?" Peter asked still looking confused, James only smirked and Remus kept his eyes downcast with a flushed face.
"Well… you gave the fact out yourself, Peter" Sirius said shaking his head towards the oblivious friend.
"Huh?" Still not getting where the conversation had headed.
"Forget about that, Peter, it's nothing" Remus muttered, more to himself than to Peter, while James continued to smirk. It was the time when Sirius flushed thinking about how much did he reveal.
The door opened again and Mary burst in looking annoyed. She went straight upstairs to her dorm. After a while Lily came down instead of her, with a cold mask plastered on her face, looking not very convincing with the marks on her face giving different signs. She exited the common room soon out to give someone a good piece of mind.
*Page break*
He sat on the lower stairs beside the Gryffindor portrait hole, panting and cradling his hurting left wrist to his chest, Madam Pomfrey asked him to take it easy. Well… she didn't know nothing now is going to easy for him. First, he had to sneak out of the Hospital wing after dinner when she thought that he was asleep. Then, he had to walk all the way up to the Gryffindor common room from all those bloody stairs, and when he asked the Fat Lady to let him in, she refused. Can't she feel how insistent and desperate he was? So, at last waiting for someone to enter or exit the common room to take his message to Lily, he sat defeated. He needed to at least say what he had to.
It was close to the curfew. He felt a girl went brushing against him, he looked up. For all God possessed, it was Lily's dormmate and friend too perhaps, Mary McDonald… that was the time.
"McDonald, would you please ask Lily to come out for a minute?" he asked, wincing by the pain shot in his left wrist.
"Why, haven't you caused her enough pain?" she said scathingly, rounding to the portrait hole to leave his presence.
"Please, otherwise I'll sleep here, in front of the portrait hole, I would not take much of her time." He looked at her scowling face, swallowing his own scowl in.
"Fine" she said shortly and went in.
After a while, which seemed like an eternity, a sight of deep red hair and beautiful green eyes met his vision. Her face was surely a mess and even a blind would be able to tell that she had been crying. He never liked her look so miserable and this look caused by him almost chewed him inside. But she still wore a cold mask which broke his heart. Her had been the only face which lit after seeing him coming, and now he couldn't see that either. Her eyes shone with hurt and anger. He deserved the anger, hurt wasn't something he wanted to see ever in her eyes, again he berating himself immensely for being the cause of it.
"Lily…" he breathed.
"Whatever you have to say, you have chosen your path and you can't have both of us together" she said coolly without meeting his eyes.
"Lily… I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to say that, it just-"
"Slipped out? You call that word to all the people of my descent, why an exception for me then?" she asked harshly with an angry frown.
What was he supposed to say to that? The only reason came to his mind was- because he loved her. And this was something he couldn't say… at least not in this situation. He can only apologise now.
"Lily, listen… please… I'm sorry"
"Save your breathe, Snape" her mask started to slip and her eyes began to pool with tears. Severus couldn't hold his own tears now, a few escaped his lower lashes, making their way to his cheeks.
"Lily, I'm sorry" his voice edging too much desperation and he dangerously was close to lose composure and start sobbing.
"If you have nothing more to say…" she began walking towards the portrait hole.
A bit of self- worth popped up in Severus, contained by Shane- It's not aways your mistake. "You smiled at my mortification, Lily. Is that what the Light call friendship? Seeing others doing it is their own shame, but you, you doing it hurt, Lily…" he ran away from the stairs.
Lily stood there, holding the door knob of the portrait, tears streaming down her cheeks and her head bowed in defeat. Has she really done that? And if she did, has he seen too? How could have she smiled on her best friend's embarrassment? Which kind of a friend was she? He must have been hurt, just like she was. Did she accidently comply him to call her that to get rid of his own hurt? This wasn't something she expected him to come here and claim. The hate for herself she felt after seeing those black eyes filled with tears and hurt was immense. She wanted to tear her hair apart in frustration. She had never in her lifetime seen him so broken. So broken because of her.
She hadn't even missed the injuries caused by the Marauder to him this time. She saw the injured left wrist in which he wore a cast and cradled it to his chest. And the bandages could have been seen from beneath the shirt he was wearing. Now, her rage and hate were also directed towards the bloody Marauders. Severus always gave them a good tit for tat, but this time he wasn't even doing anything, it was all them.
*Page Break*
He wiped the few tears which escaped his eyes furiously. He wouldn't cry. He could at least maintain some dignity; Lily would have thought he was so weak and pathetic. He knew she wouldn't ever judge him, even in his weakest moments she had always stayed with him, but now she seemed almost un- understandable to him.
He had run from the stairs, never stopping until he found a place for solitude to take deep breaths. His left hand was throbbing due to running and cutting air which pressurised it. He looked over to his surroundings, he was on the Quidditch pitch. He didn't remember coming here. It was dark all over, except for one tiny corner…? He went to the place; a silver lining was visible. When he was near enough to take the proper view… it wasn't the corner shining… it was something else? He had never seen such a thing.
He extended his hand to pick it up but then withdrew it with the same speed. What if its something cursed? He took out his wand to check for probable curses. It seemed like an innocent object after a few tries. The thing was beautiful. He picked it. It was a… a… a cloak? He held it in his hand and noticed with a jolt, he couldn't see his hand? Was it…? But surely it can't be that…? His eyes widened with realization. It was an invisibility cloak.
He looked around the place once more. What if someone might have dropped it here? He couldn't help but wonder someone being so foolish to drop such a precious object here. What if it was egged here for someone? No, he checked it for the curses. He draped it around himself with uncertainty. Looking at his feet, he gasped, they were invisible. It really was an invisibility cloak. Perhaps, a well-wisher of his left it for him, but he didn't have any. Can he keep it?
He searched the place, if he gets a clue as to whose it could be? Yeah… here it was, a note. It said-
It is for your help.
-Harry
He turned the note over, to see if there's something else. His eyes met a drawn smiley face at the back of the page, as if asking him to smile. Normally he would have scowled at that, but this time he couldn't bring himself to do that. Instead, he followed the instructions and smiled, a small but a genuine one. Perhaps, he does have some well- wisher. But he didn't know about any Harry. Perhaps, someone who just knew him. Draping the invisibility cloak on his shoulders, he walked back to the hospital wing before Madam Pomfrey realises, he was missing.
I Hope you enjoyed it.
Thank You
-Bittersome
