Chapter 9

Morning came with no new problems; as planned, we siphoned gas out of as many of the cars as we could and high-tailed it out of the city. It sucked having to leave the truck but Merle's bike was the best option I had. Ain't no way I'm staying cooped up in the RV with everyone else. Just before we got on the highway and really got going, I saw the RV pull off to the side of the road. Shane and Dale came filing out with a hose and gas can just as Rick had run over to see what the trouble might be. One of them flagged me off the bike and I obliged, hoping it wasn't a waste of time.

"This might be our last chance to siphon as much gas as possible, let's make it quick and stay quiet."

"If we're gonna do this, don't you think we should try and go through some of the cars or trucks for spare parts? This old gal won't get us far on the hose she's got."

"We don't have time for that Dale, I'm sorry. This is just a quick stop for some extra gas. Daryl, you keep watch, holler if you see anything. Let's go Rick."

The two former cops grabbed a hose and gas can then leapt the concrete divider. As promised, they didn't take long; maybe 15 minutes but it felt a lot longer. I could feel the Old Man's eyes burning into the back of my head as I kept watch, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"Say it."

"What are you talking about son?"

"Don't bullshit me, you got something you wanna say just say it."

"I heard you and Shane talking last night after everyone turned in. The woman you were talking about, she was someone important to you, wasn't she?"

"Swear on your life you won't breathe a word of this to anyone." I quickly looked over my shoulder to see the Old Man nodding, his gaze holding mine letting me know he'd keep his word. "My ex-wife; her name was Claire and I haven't seen her in years. She was Shane's fuck toy for a long time and after I started working for her dad we kinda just hung out every once in a while then it turned into me living with her. From there, one thing led to another. Merle went around telling me that she'd been screwing around with one of her cousins and I went down to the courthouse to file for divorce. Judge granted the request and I ain't seen her since."

"So then why are you so hell-bent on finding her now when it's been years already?"

"I was an idiot for listening to Merle to begin with and she needs to know that I'm sorry. With Merle gone, she's all I got left from before."

"Your secret is safe with me son. You have my word, I won't tell anyone but if you ever find her I'd like to meet her." He patted my shoulder and turned back towards the RV, heading inside just as Rick and Shane were hopping the barrier and running back across the road. Rick nodded his head in my direction as he ran back towards the jeep. Just as I was turning back towards the bike, Shane stopped me.

"About last night, it was the alcohol talking, man. Yeah, I hired Slick to fuck with Claire a bit but I didn't kill him."

"Bunch of fucking bullshit and you know it. I ever find her-"

"Give it up Dixon! She's dead and even if you do find what's left of her, she'll try to eat your face clean off! Forget the bitch already and focus on keeping this group safe."

"Shane, c'mon let's go!"

Dale poked his head out of the driver's side window before I could punch Shane in the face. As Shane headed back inside the RV the old familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach started creeping in again for the first time in years. Some might call it intuition but me and Claire always just knew it as a feeling that we got when one of us was close. Then again none of us have had a decent meal since before the CDC exploded so it could just be that I was hungry. With everyone back in the RV, I got back on the bike and led us the rest of the way out of Atlanta.

We had been on the road for hours before we hit the traffic snarl; an overturned semi had the highway blocked off and since I was ahead of the RV by a fair bit I tried to drive around to find a way through the abandoned cars and trucks. As I tried to figure out a way around it all I heard the breaks on the RV squeaking to a stop and headed back knowing that I had probably missed a golden opportunity to just keep going and leave them there.

"See a way through?" Dale asked as I pulled up to the driver's side window.

I only nodded, revved the engine a bit then turned back around to lead us through this metal hell. Thankfully the cars were mostly pushed to the sides of the highway leaving enough room for everyone to get through but if I'm being honest, this road gave me the creeps. It felt like a graveyard of some kind and I couldn't wait to be on the other side of this. But a loud clank and a hiss directly behind me told me the RV had just broken down again and we may be stuck out here for the next several nights until it got fixed. Just hope someone remembered to pack the tents in the RV 'cause I ain't looking forward to having to sleep in a cramped spot.

"I said it, didn't I say it? A thousand times, dead in the water."

Should've just taken those few extra minutes to find another hose before we left Atlanta. Bright side? With a junkyard like this he'll be able to find everything he needs to fix that old piece of crap and keep it running till next year.

"Problem Dale?"

"Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of-"

I had already started going through the cars looking for stuff before anyone else even realized the gold mine we had just hit. We may not be able to find much in the way of food but we could definitely find clothes, gas, and maybe even some meds if the occasion calls for it. Yeah, I've got Merle's stash with me but they ain't gotta know that.

"This is a graveyard."

We all grew silent and looked at Rick's wife as she pointed out that she wasn't sure how she felt about this. Who gives a fuck if her feelings are hurt, we're alive and we need things from these cars if we're gonna survive out here. Shit, if Merle or even my old man had heard me ever talking like they'd have beat the crap out of me so damn hard I'd be lucky to wake up the next day. Claire on the other hand? She'd have just brushed it off like the rest of us and got down to business.

When T came back outside with the hose and gas can I decided to go with him to help get as much as we could from these cars. It ain't easy working with someone who left my brother handcuffed to a roof but he at least did try to make things right by going back. I can hear Claire's voice in the back of head telling me to now dwell on the past, to just let it go and move on.

"Nobody can kill Merle but Merle."

My anger was starting to set in again and before I had a chance to take it out on anyone I moved on to the next car to see what I could find. Off in the distance I thought I heard someone laughing but then the air got incredibly stiff. Something wasn't right and I ran back towards the group just in time to hear Rick start telling everyone to get under the cars and keep quiet. The groans told me it was something much larger than we had ever dealt with before in the city and if we weren't careful we'd all end up dead.

As I scrambled to find a place to hide I saw a fresh blood trail on the ground, knowing that one of our own was hurt I set out to quickly find them. I was able to sneak up on one walker and, after killing it, covered myself in a bit of its blood for cover. Following a small group of the dead towards what it was they were after I picked them off one by one until I found T with a bad cut on his arm. I didn't have time to do anything else except lay him flat on his back and drop a walker on top of him hoping the smell of something dead would mask the smell of fresh blood. I did the same as the herd continued to move through, keeping a close eye on T just in case.

Minutes felt like hours before they had all moved through and just as I was moving the walker off of T, I heard one of the kids screaming and barely turned in time to see Rick hop over the guardrail to chase after whatever ran into the woods. As I was carrying T back to the RV I was greeted with wails, crying, and hysterics.

"We were crawling out from under the cars and-" the boy was in tears, hiccupping between breaths, "and then the walker went down on its knees and tried to grab Sophia. That's when she started screaming and scooting out from under the car on the other side. Dad's gonna find her, right mom?"

I dropped T on the ground next to the RV and listened to the kid's mom go on and on about all of the 'what if's.' What if she's hurt, what if he can't find her, what if she gets bit. I hung my head as I started to mentally prepare myself for what'll happen if I have to be the one to try and bring her back. I'll give props to the cop for heading straight in without a second thought but he ain't got the tracking skills needed to find an animal let alone a person and with a few hours left till sunset we were going to be waiting on pins and needles for something to happen.

To keep my mind and hands busy I went back to rummaging through the cars, glancing up at the sun's position every now and then until it was on the horizon. The last car was a bust with nothing worth taking unless you had a baby and thankfully none of us had that problem to worry about. I returned to the RV with the stuff I was able to scrounge up and found the rest of the group huddled around the cars closest to the guardrail just waiting. A few minutes later the bushes started to rustle and naturally everyone got pretty jumpy not knowing who or what was making its way out of the woods.

"You didn't find her?" it was the first question of the mom's mouth, her face filled with fear and panic.

Rick rubbed a hand over his face before he spoke, trying to choose his words carefully so he didn't induce more fear into the girl's mom. "There were two walkers after her, I managed to scoop her up and hid her in a creek under a bunch of tree roots. I told her to stay put but she begged me not to leave her. I told her that I had to just to draw them away from her; I told her to head straight back up the hill and to keep the sun on her left shoulder. I took care of the walkers and went back for her but she was gone; I thought she'd have been back by now."

"We got some time before sunset, take me to the spot where ya left her and I'll see what I can see." I checked to make sure my bow was still strapped to my back and my knife was still in its holster before climbing over the guardrail to head down into the woods.

"Hold up a minute, I'll come with ya."

I rolled my eyes as I heard Shane's voice from behind me then Glenn decided he wanted to tag along too. I held my tongue as I followed Rick back into the woods, not wanting to burn daylight waiting for whoever else wanted to come with us. The terrain was pretty rough on the way down and got even rockier as we got closer to the creek bed. Some places were covered in a slick moss that caused Glenn to fall on his ass a couple of times and Shane did a fair amount of bitching when the low hanging branches would get caught up in his cap.

"Ya sure this is the spot?"

"I left her right here. I drew the walkers way off in that direction up the creek." He explained pointing straight out in front of him.

"Without a paddle – seems where we've landed." I started back up the side of the creek bed as Rick kept talking through what happened.

"She was gone by the time I got back here. I figured she just took off and ran back to the group. I told her to go that way," he said pointing to a spot where the sunlight was beginning to fade, "and keep the sun on her left shoulder."

But of course someone was usually always in the way.

"Hey, Short Round, why don't you step off to one side? You're mucking up the trail."

Don't know why Glenn even wanted to come out here in the first place. Maybe it was so he didn't have to listen to the women bitching or Dale hound his ass about helping to fix that piece of crap RV again.

"Assuming she knows her left from her right." And there's Shane with his fucking commentary…she may be a kid but she's old enough and smart enough to know her damn left from her right.

Fucking prick.

"Shane, she understood me fine."

"Kid's tired and scared, man. She had her a close call with two walkers, gotta wonder how much of what you said stuck."

Why's it always a damn pissing contest with these two? I rolled my eyes as they bickered and refocused on the trail.

"Got clear prints right here," I interrupted, pointing to the ground at where her footprints were. "She did like you said, headed back to the highway. Let's spread out, make our way back."

As we headed up the small hill away from the creek bed, rather than spreading out a bit like I had suggested everyone was huddled up on my ass. She could be, like Shane said, hiding out somewhere under one of the bushes and we could completely miss seeing her. Then again, if she was hiding out underneath some bushes there was always the chance she'd see us before we saw her. I wouldn't expect any kid to come out of hiding if they saw me but maybe she would for Glenn or Rick.

We were almost back to the highway with the sun sinking fast and in the back of my mind I knew that if we hadn't found her yet or by morning then we probably weren't gonna find her at all. But I couldn't let the others know, let alone her mom.

"She was doing just find till she got right here," we passed under a tree branch wrapped in vines when I dropped to one knee, studying her prints. "All she had to do was keep going. She veered off that way." I said, pointing in the opposite direction of where she was heading. Seemed like, for some reason, she may have been doubling back to the creek. Maybe to go back to where Rick hid her and to wait for him.

"Why would she do that?"

"Maybe she saw something that spooked her, made her run off."

"A walker?"

I shook my head knowing it wasn't that, "I don't see any other footprints, just hers."

"So what do we do? All of us press on?"

"No, better if you and Glenn get back up to the highway, people are gonna start panicking. Let them know we're on her trail doing everything we can but most of all, keep everybody calm."

Sounds like he's been in this kind of situation before with a missing person, hopefully with better luck and maybe with some dogs.

"I'll keep 'em busy scavenging cars, think up a few other chores. I'll keep 'em occupied."

Shane and Glenn headed back up towards the highway as me and Rick rounded the tree, doubling back towards the creek. With the clouds starting to roll in it made it difficult to keep following her trail especially as the woods becoming thicker and the floor being packed with leaves, branches, and all kinds of other crap. If there was any good that came from being raised by a drunk it was learning to track. Was the only thing my old man ever taught me how to do since he said school wasn't nothing but a waste of time.

"Tracks are gone."

"No, their faint, but they ain't gone. She came through here."

"How can you tell? I don't see anything. Dirt, grass."

"You want a lesson in tracking or you wanna find that girl and get our ass off that interstate?"

We kept walking until we had barely enough light left to get us back to the highway. I used one of the rags in my pocket as flagging to mark a nearby tree so we could pick the trail up in the morning but as we were heading back there was the sound of something rustling. I knew in an instant it was a walker just by the way it sounded which was a lot like Merle when he was drunk and would stumble into the parking lot. But at least it was just one. As Rick ran in front of it to distract it, I came from behind to put an arrow through its head.

I called out the kid's name hoping this may have been what spooked her but we were too far from the highway for that to be the reason. But still, I had to hope for something no matter how thin.

"What are ya looking for?" curious when Rick pulled a pair of gloves from his back pocket.

"Skin under the fingernails," he rolled the body over as his cop instincts started taking over, "it fed recently.

I watched in confusion as he pried its jaws open and pulled some flesh from its teeth, holding a bit of it up for me to see. My stomach started to sink at thought of it being Sophia's and what we'd have to tell her mom and the rest of the group when we got back.

"What kinda flesh?"

"Only one way to know for sure." He said, pulling a pocket knife out and ripping the shirt open.

I could see the look on his face and knew it wasn't something he was fully prepared to do so I straddled the thing and did it instead. Besides, my knife was sharper and I knew the blade could withstand cutting through flesh and bone. Can't begin to remember how many times I used it over the years for deer, turkey, and fish. Never thought though I'd be using it on the dead. But as I cut into the flesh I couldn't help but smirk as Rick started to gag and dry heave as smell of rot and decay escaped from the body that kept it contained.

"Now comes the bad part."

I shoved my hands down into the cavity and started pulling out guts and intestines, looking for the stomach but it was difficult with everything turning to mush between my fingers. I've never seen blood this dark before; it was almost black which kind of told me that this guy had been dead for a while. Perhaps he may have just gotten caught up on the highway trying to leave the city when he got bit and turned.

"Yeah, hoss had a big meal not long ago," I started once I finally found the stomach, "I feel it in there." Ripping the stomach out, I plopped it on the ground and was preparing to cut the sucker open when Rick offered to do it instead.

"This gross bastard had himself a woodchuck for lunch." I pulled the animal skull from the gut bag with the tip of my knife, flinging it to the ground as we sat back for a minute in relief knowing that there was still a chance of finding Sophia.

Being out this far from the highway though, I was almost tempted to just tell Rick to back and stay the night out here. The feeling I had when we were leaving Atlanta this morning had started growing stronger the further away I got. Claire wasn't too far away and if I kept heading in the direction we were going I was I knew I'd cross paths with her eventually. There was a small breeze that whipped through the trees and it seemed to carry her voice with it as a few memories started to creep in.

Goddamn I sound like a fucking pussy!

Shaking the thoughts that threatened to invade my mind I stomped my way through the woods at a furious pace with Rick trying to keep up. The sun was nearly set as we reached the highway, greeted by the worrying faces and the scolding that Sophia's mom gave us.

"You didn't find her?"

"Her trail went cold, we'll pick it up again at first light."

"You can't leave my daughter out there on her own, to spend the night alone in the woods."

"Out in the dark's no good, we'd just be tripping over ourselves; more people'd get lost."

"But she's 12! She can't be out there on her own! You didn't find anything?!"

"I know this is hard but I'm asking you not to panic. We know she was out there-"

"And we tracked her for a while."

"We have to make this an organized effort. Daryl knows the woods better than anybody, I've asked him to oversee this."

He didn't but it was just to make everyone feel better. To his credit though, I did know the woods better than anybody and if there was any chance in hell at finding this kid they needed me to take the lead on this one.

"Is that blood?"

Shit, I knew I should've washed this off before we came back.

"We took down a walker."

"Walker? Oh my god."

"There was no sign it was ever anywhere near Sophia."

I watched as the kid's mom started to panic, pacing back and forth as she took in everything we were telling her when Blondie asked how we knew. It wasn't something we wanted to say out loud, especially with Rick's kid still being up but we had no other choice really other than to let the cat out of the bag.

"We cut the son of a bitch open, made sure." I said plainly so that there was no confusion.

Daryl! This is a mom who just lost her kid; you should've said it in a better way!"

I could hear Claire's voice ringing out in my head over the delivery but I didn't want there to be any confusion. There was no need to get into the nitty gritty, no need to say what we did exactly to check. If they wanted to know that much they could just ask later after everyone's turned in for the night.

Fear turned to anger as the kid's mom carefully seated herself on the guardrail, every word like a knife directed towards Rick as if he had been the one to sign her death warrant.

"How could you just leave here out there to begin with? How could you just leave her?"

"Those two walkers were on us," he pleaded, his voice cracking as he recalled everything. "I had to draw them off, it was her best chance."

"Sounds like he didn't have a choice, Carol." Shane chimed in, hoping that maybe she would believe he was telling the truth.

"How was she supposed to find her way back on her own? She's just a child."

"It was my only option. The only choice I could make."

We could all see the mixed looks of hurt and regret as Carol silently blamed Rick for leaving her daughter in the woods. He hung his head in defeat, got up from where he had crouched down, and walked off. I knew the look he carried all too well – like he bore the sole responsibility of everything that happened even though he didn't do anything wrong.

"Daryl, look at me, look at me damnit!"

But I couldn't, I was a fucking failure and deserved everything I had coming, even being kicked back to the trailer park.

"You did nothing wrong, do you understand me? You did nothing wrong and this is not your fault, okay? There was no way you could've known that this was going to happen and there sure as hell wasn't any way you could've prevented this from happening. It is not your fault. None of it was."

I was at work getting ready to close the shop up for the night when the phone started ringing but before I could pick it up her dad came racing up the drive, barely putting his truck in park before grabbing me by collar and dragging me outside. I hopped in without a word as he sped in reverse back down the way he came, his right hand barely coming off the wheel as he put the truck in drive. He kept a tight grip on the wheel as he sped through one light after another, not giving a damn if it was red or green. I never got the chance to ask what the hell was going on because he slammed the brakes on so fast that it sent me flying off my seat and onto the floor. He was already out of the truck when I was finally able to pick myself up.

What I saw as I looked out the window was nothing short of carnage. Metal was twisted every which way, a fleet of ambulances, firetrucks, and cop cars flashing red and blue lights lit the street up in every direction as far as the eye could see, and a train with some of its cars off the tracks. My heart was racing inside my chest as it hit me what had happened. The first thought that popped into my head was the fight we had gotten into this morning that was just shy of throwing fists. Claire had been asking me for the last few weeks to change the oil in her car and to replace a couple of the hoses; I told her I would when I had time. It was summer and we were getting an uptick in business from people that were getting ready to go out of town. I also told her that the quickest way to fix those car problems was to drive it onto the tracks and to maybe stay inside when the train came that way I didn't have to listen to her nagging all the fucking time.

Those were the last words we had that morning before she left for work.

I got out of the truck, screaming her name hoping she didn't actually take me seriously but when I saw what was left of her car split in half with the glass shattered and part of a door pushed in I knew she couldn't have survived something like that. Everything that I was seeing had me thinking that her death was my fault and when her dad found out he was gonna be blaming me for what happened.

"Roger, where is she?!" I was all but screaming in the sheriff's face when I found him hunched over a gurney.

"She'll be fine, they're getting ready to take her to the hospital just to get her checked out. Hey! You can't ju-"

But I already took off to where the ambulances were staged, looking in each one until I found the one she was in. Her dad was already sitting next to her as the paramedic was checking her vitals. She looked shock to even see me standing there but asked her dad to give us a few minutes before they took off.

"Car broke down on the tracks, one of the hoses broke. I got out and called 911, I asked them to call and let the trains know in case there was one coming down the tracks. Conductor didn't get the message to stop in time and yeah, looks like you got part of your wish."

Hearing that she was already out of the car brought a wave of relief but the words we had still rang in my head. If I had just done what she had asked me to do sooner this wouldn't have happened. She wouldn't be sitting in an ambulance, she'd still have a car, she'd still-

"Hey, Dixon, this ain't your fault. I know that look on your face and you didn't do anything wrong. We had a fight this morning over the car and we both said a lot of fucked up shit out of anger. Who knows, maybe this is a blessing in disguise."

"But-"

"No buts, none of this is your fault, you understand me?"

"Ya hurt?"

"Little banged up and a little sore from dodging flying metal but it could've been a lot worse if I hadn't been able to get out of the car. I'm not trying to make light of the situation Daryl, so you can wipe that look off your face. A piece of the door frame came flying at me and nailed me pretty good in the back, otherwise it's just a bunch of scrapes and bruises. If you and my dad want to meet me at the hospital we can circle back to this when we get home."

"You ain't kicking me out?"

"Why the fuck would I do that? Look, Daryl, you need to stop blaming yourself for shit that's outside of your control. You were pissed off this morning and there was no way you could've known this would happen, alright?"

"Ma'am, we have to get going, they're expecting us at the hospital."

"If you and my dad want to follow us there you can, if you want to wait at home then I understand."

I climbed out of the ambulance as the driver closed the doors and jumped inside. The sirens were wailing as they disappeared down the street. I was relieved to know that she was alive and expected to be okay but wracked with guilt knowing that what I said could've been the last words I ever said to her and that what could've happened would have been all my fault.

It was well past nightfall and with the exception of myself, Dale, and Rick everyone was asleep. Dale was keeping watch from on top of the RV as me and Rick walked the perimeter, keeping an eye out for any movement. As we circled back around to the RV I saw Rick head off towards the guardrail, looking out into the woods knowing exactly what he was feeling.

"Ain't your fault man, you did everything you could for her today."

"Should've told her to stay put, should've told her I'd be back for her."

"She did everything you told her to do, can't beat yourself up over that."

"You're starting to sound a bit like Dale, ya know that?"

"The day I become a moral compass is the day I die."

"Still feel like I should've done more. Me and Shane were working a missing person case once years ago, a little boy a few years younger than Sophia went outside to play in the backyard. His parents always told him to stay where they could see him and not to go into the woods. They weren't home that day and left him with a babysitter who let him go outside. He snuck off and went into the woods then when the sitter couldn't find him called the cops. His parents were at work and came home a few hours later, saw everything that was going on in front of their house and reacted as bad as Carol did today. Shane and I were called in to help with the search even though we were both off duty at the time. We got there and they already had a search team ready to go with dogs, they were just waiting on us. We searched for hours and were ready to call it off for the night when we found him; it was two in the morning, cold, and he was wet. There was a creek that ran behind his house and went to play in it when he got lost. We wrapped him in our coats and even stopped a couple of times so the dogs could lay across his legs, just trying to warm him up. His parents were so happy when we came out with their boy."

"Come hell or high water we'll find her. Try to get some rest, we got a long day tomorrow and I don't need anyone to fall behind 'cause they're tired."

Rick nodded, put a hand on my shoulder, turned and walked back to the car that his family had taken shelter in for the night. I stared back out into the woods and thought of what tomorrow might hold. My gut was telling me that it was only bad news ahead but I tried to ignore that feeling as I turned my mind over to Claire and wondered just how far apart we really were and if she knew that I was close.

"Please be alive."

With that, I turned away from the guardrail and took refuge inside the old Mustang for the rest of the night.