Chapter 10
It's been almost a week since Sophia went missing and it feels like everything is coming to an end a helluva lot faster than I wanted it to. Carl got shot in a hunting accident, the guy that shot him was killed by walkers later that same night trying to bring supplies back but Shane was the only one to come back. Lori's been acting strange lately and Andrea's been in a real pissy mood over Dale wanting to hold on to the guns; Glenn's been hooking up with the farmer's daughter and all the while I've been going out into the woods every damn day looking for a kid that ain't even mine.
The original plan was to take a horse along the cliffs that ran along the creek just to see what I could find. It was around mid-day when I spotted something red in a small clearing. I wrapped the reins around a branch then maneuvered my way down to the water, careful to avoid the poison ivy and poison oak as well as the nest of baby copperheads that were just hatching. Once I reached the water's edge I came to realize that what I saw from the top of the ridge was Sophia's doll. It was soaking wet and had probably been there a few days but at least I now know that she's in the area. Hopefully she's hunkered down somewhere close-by and I might be able to bring her back to her mom in the next day or two.
I climbed my way back up the rocks with the doll tucked under my belt and a faint glimmer of hope that maybe not all was completely lost. Retrieving the reins I got back on my horse and continued along the ridge to see if there were any other signs of Sophia – a shoe, something torn from her shirt, anything. As I made my way down an incline I heard a snake under the horse's feet hissing out a warning. I tried to keep it from getting spooked but the damn thing bucked me off and sent me tumbling down over rocks, trees, and God only knows what else until I hit the bottom of the creek.
As my head bounced off the bottom of the creek and I landed on my side I muttered a painful "son of a bitch" when I felt a new kind of pain I'd never felt before – being pierced in the side with my own damn bolt. I let my head fall back into the water as I tried to process everything that just happened. I knew I was a sitting duck in the water if I just laid there so with whatever strength I had left in me, I dragged myself to the shore with one hand while the other tried to keep the arrow from moving around too much. From there, I grabbed my knife and cut away at the flannel sleeves on my shirt to make a binding that would hopefully last me long enough to get back to camp.
It wasn't exactly the prettiest looking thing in the world and it did a real shit job as I tried to figure out the best way up. Picking up a large stick nearby I tested it to see if it would be able to hold my weight since I knew I'd be relying heavily on one side to help me get back up there. A rustling in the bushes though across the way caught my attention enough to make me grab my bow; reaching around my back however I found my most prized possession gone. Nearly panic-stricken that the only thing I had left from the old world was gone, I climbed back into the pool where I had fallen in at to try and find it, hoping the water hadn't already claimed it for itself. I was nothing short of relieved as I pulled it from the bottom.
I was about halfway up to the top when this flimsy tree came out by the roots and sent me back down to the water on my ass. It was eerily quiet with only the water softly making waves against the shore; no walkers, no birds or squirrels, just quiet. Everything was a blur as my eyes tried to adjust to their surroundings but the only clear image that came through was Merle. But something about him was different.
"Why don't ya pull that arrow out dummy, you could bind your wound better."
His comment earned him a half-hearted smile as I muttered his name. He truly was a sight for sore eyes. Who'd have thought that I'd ever get to see my brother again after what happened in Atlanta?
"What's going on here? You taking a siesta or something?"
"A shitty day, bro."
"Like me to get ya a pillow? Maybe rub your feet?"
"Screw you."
It earned a chuckle out of him as he continued his "motivational" speech, "You're the one screwed from the looks of it. All them years I spent trying to make a man of you, this is what I get? Look at ya! Lying in the dirt like a used rubber. You're gonna die out here, little brother. And for what?"
"A girl. They lost their little girl."
"So you gotta thing for little girls now?"
"Shut up."
"Cause I noticed you ain't out looking for Ol' Merle no more."
"Tried like hell to find ya, bro."
"Like hell you did! You split, man. Lit out first chance you got."
"You lit out, all ya had to was wait. We went back for ya, Rick and I, we did right by you."
"This the same Rick that cuffed me to the rooftop in the first place? Forced me to cut off my own hand?"
My head was spinning in every direction but as Merle started to mention cutting off his hand I looked around to find that he had both of his hands. Seeing this, the brain fog and dizziness began to wear off little by little, everything I was seeing before started coming into focus and wasn't such a blur anymore. Merle was all in my head.
"You his bitch now?"
"I ain't nobody's bitch."
"You're a joke is what you are, playing errand boy to a bunch of pansy-asses, niggers, and democrats. You're nothing but a freak to them. Redneck trash. That's all ya are. Yeah, they're laughing at ya 'hind your back. You know that, don't ya? I got a little news for you, son. One of these days, they're gonna scrape you off their heels like you was dog shit."
Merle's got a funny way of showing he cares and an even funnier way of telling folks the way things are. He's not wrong about the way these people see me – I am trash to them and they probably will scrape me off like dog shit once I find Sophia. I'm fucking expendable to them but just wait, I'll be the one coming out on top when they realize not a single one of 'em knows how to survive in these woods without me.
"Hey! They ain't your kin, your blood. Hell, you had any damn nuts in that sack of yours, you'd go back there and shoot your pal Rick in the face for me. Now you listen to me, ain't nobody ever gonna care about ya except me, little brother. Ain't nobody ever will."
Those were the same words he told me just before me and Claire separated. I was a fucking idiot to believe what he said before but things are different now. Now it's just me and him. I know Claire is somewhere close, I can feel it, but now's not the time to go chasing after her.
Merle patted his hand on my chest, trying to get me my feet, even threatening to kick my teeth in if I didn't get up. I watched as he stood up, towering over me as he started tugging on my boots. The movement was enough to rattle me back into consciousness to realize that I had a walker trying to chew their way through my boots. Being that close to one had my heart leaping out of my chest; in a panic I tried to kick it away but this one was pretty fucking hungry and latched onto me as I struggled to reach my bow.
With both of its hands clawing at my shirt I drew my knife and stabbed it through the arm, just above the elbow to try and buy a little time, punching it until I was able to roll it off me. With my knife still in its arm I tried to climb on top of it but then it grabbed ahold of my hair and lifted itself off the ground in an attempt to rip into my throat. I had no other choice than to throw it as far away from me as possible, no matter how much the arrow in my side was hurting me. The adrenaline coursing through my body was enough that I wasn't feeling much in the way of pain.
The stick that I was using as a crutch was lying close to where I had been sprawled out so I was able to grab it just in time to find a second walker stumbling across the water's edge. With the stick in hand I somehow managed to find myself on top of the walker and thrusting the jagged edge of the weapon through its face, but with nothing else to use as protection from the second walker that was coming dangerously closer I had no choice but to rip the arrow the rest of the way through my body and reload my bow. Its face sliding down the shaft of the bolt as it lay lifeless on its stomach.
After taking a moment to catch my breath and ensuring that there were no other dangers surrounding me, I took what remained of my flannel shirt off and folded up, using the sleeves to help bind everything up. The squirrel I got earlier in the day became my lunch even though my original intention was to bring a mess of 'em back to camp for dinner. As a trophy for my hard work, I sliced off both ears from each walker and made myself a necklace out 'em. Merle was right, even if it was all just in my head, these assholes don't give a fuck about me and once this is all over with, I'm heading out on my own.
With Sophia's doll tucked back into place, I climbed back of the ridge in intense pain but with Merle's words ringing in my ears as motivation to keep me going until I found myself grasping at solid ground for once. As I sat on top of the ridge, looking at my surroundings, I felt relieved that this ordeal was finally over with but the words I was having with Merle just a few minutes ago were still replaying.
"What's the matter, Darylina? That all ya got in ya? Throw away that purse and climb!"
"I liked it better when you was missing."
"C'mon, don't be like that! I'm on your side."
"Yeah? Since when?"
"Oh hell, since the day you were born baby brother. Someone had to look after your worthless ass."
"You never took care of me! You talk a big game but you was never there! Hell, you ain't here now. Some things never change."
"Well, I tell ya what – I'm as real as your chupacabra."
"I know what I saw!"
"And I'm sure them shrooms ya ate had nothing to do with it, right?"
"You best shut the hell up!"
"Ooorrr whaaat?" there was his laugh again, "you gonna come up here and shut my mouth for me? Well, c'mon and do it then, if you think you're man enough. Hey! Kick off them damn high heels and climb, son. Ya know what if I were you, I'd take a pause for the cause, brother cause I just don't think you're gonna make it to the top."
His taunts and laugh were enough to get me to where I sat but it wasn't enough to help pull me to my feet. I was fucking exhausted and what I needed more than anything right now was –
"Don't listen to Merle, he's just being a jackass and you know it. C'mon, I'll walk with ya back to camp, maybe you can introduce me to some of your new friends."
"Shane's with us, do you really wanna go back with me?"
"I'm always happiest when I'm with you, Shane can go fuck a rusty tin can for all I care. Ya know, my grandparents have a farm not too far from here if you wanna come home with me instead? I can get those holes patched up in no time and I got your favorite bottle of whiskey on hand to help dull that pain."
"Can't, woman lost her little girl out here, I gotta get this doll back to camp, let 'em know what I found."
"Guess you're right, with a doctor on hand you may want to get that concussion looked at before you start hearing your old man's voice next."
"That shit ain't funny Claire!"
I looked up and saw the smirk on her face as she extended a hand out to help pull me to my feet. I was more than a little unsteady as blood began dripping onto the flannel, the knot beginning to come undone while I leaned back against a tree to find my footing.
"Can't believe you kept that bow even after everything we went through with the divorce. Why?"
"I was fucking stupid to believe Merle, never should've listened to him in the first place. Maybe if I had believed you instead you'd be real and we'd be somewhere far away from this shithole."
"I'm a lot closer than you think."
She stopped just short of the clearing line, when I turned to look at her she was gone. My feet were dragging and the only thing that kept me going now was knowing that I had to get this doll back to camp. I barely cleared the trees when I heard a rifle going off and felt something whizzing past my head, sending me down to the ground. For a moment there I thought the bullet actually struck my head and that I was dead but then I started hearing voices again and drew in a breath, relieved that I was still alive.
That was all I could remember of my shitty day before I finally woke up again, and when I did it was close to sunset. I was lying in a bed in a room that was dimly lit by an old lamp. The doctor was sitting on one side of the bed putting new gauze over my stitches and had me holding another piece to my head. Rick and Shane were in the room with us but so was Claire. I knew there was a big enough knot on the back of my head to be certain she was right about that concussion. She'd probably be gone come morning but I couldn't help but wonder what she meant when she said she was closer than I thought.
As everyone filed out of the room and the door closed behind them I let the blankets fall to my waist, letting the warm air filter in through the open window. The sound of water being wrung from a rag drew my attention to another corner of the room where a basin sat in the middle of the room. Claire was standing in front of it with a rag in her hands, a rare smile painted across her lips as she turned back to look at me.
"You need to get yourself cleaned up before any infection has time to set in. If I were you, I'd ask to use the tub; shower's just too risky for you right now."
"A rag works just as well."
"No need to be so damn grouchy all the time." She sat down on the side of bed and ran the rag over the top of my head and in this heat that water didn't feel too bad. "You really should try to eat something when they bring it in, can't imagine that raw squirrel you had for lunch did much to fill your stomach."
"I'm fine, don't need their damn food, don't need a damn one of 'em!"
"Suit yourself, come find me when you're done being an asshole."
Just like that, she was gone and in a small moment of clarity I found myself completely alone in the bedroom with the rag in my hand wondering how in the hell it got there. I put the rag on the table next to the lamp and laid back down, hissing a bit when my head fell back on the pillow wrong. Not long thereafter, someone was knocking on the door and coming in with a tray of food.
"You've done more for my little girl today than her daddy ever did his whole life."
"Ain't done nothing Rick or Shane wouldn't do."
"I know, you're every bit as good a man as either one of 'em, every bit."
I couldn't help but shrink back when that girl's momma kissed the top of my head. I knew she meant well with the gesture but Claire was the only person who was ever allowed to do something like that without me reacting. The bedroom door closed quietly behind her and I fell into a somewhat comfortable sleep, it almost felt like that night we had at the CDC minus the alcohol.
The next morning the doctor came in and gave me the all clear to at least leave the house but warned that should probably take the next few days off from the search, like that was ever gonna happen. I left the house and made a beeline for my tent with the intention of changing clothes and resting up for a bit before heading back out. Those plans changed slightly however when my head started spinning and I was forced to lie down on my cot until it passed. While I was waiting though, the bitch who shot me decided to pay me a visit.
"What, no pictures?" A book? You shoot me in the fucking head and give a damn book to say sorry?
"I'm so sorry, I feel like shit."
"Yeah, you and me both."
"I don't expect you to forgive me, but if there's anything I can do…"
"You were trying to protect the group, we're good." She turned to leave and was nearly out of the tent when I opened my mouth again, "but, hey, you shoot me again, you best pray I'm dead."
She kept a tight smile across her face as she left to do whatever it was she had planned for the day. I laid in bed for a little while longer before getting up, grabbing my bow from under the cot, and headed out. When I found Glenn he had his head shoved under the hood of the RV with a rag in one hand and a wrench in the other.
"Gonna go look for Sophia, maybe bring back some food on my way in."
"But Hershel-"
"To hell with the damn doctor, ya'll ain't the boss of me! I'm going out, you try and stop me I'll stomp your ass into the ground, ya hear!"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he put his hands up in submission, "you're starting to sound more and more like Merle every day, you know that?"
I stormed off back into the woods, back into the place where I felt safest. The shade from the trees gave me an instant sigh of relief as my mind finally began to settle down, a sigh escaping as it felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. After a moment, I started a path forward towards the creek where I found the doll yesterday but knew that I had to push past that point and get to the other side.
I was maybe an hour into my renewed search for Sophia when I came across the spot where that damn horse threw me yesterday, the pair of walkers I killed were still right where I left them except now they had buzzards picking at their faces. I continued on until I found a place where there was just enough ground to make a shaky trek across the creek to the other side of the cliffs and that's when I felt that old, familiar pull. A pair of squirrels running across my path distracted me for a minute; wouldn't be enough for stew but might be able to get a couple pieces of jerky out of 'em.
The hottest time of the day was coming up quick when I finally came to a clearing in the woods. There was another farm in the distance but not a soul in sight. Maybe Sophia found her way here after being holed up in that house, maybe she's just waiting for one of us to come get her. I carefully made my way through the trees and up to the farm to see what was what but the closer I got the more I started to realize that something wasn't quite right. Green and yellow grass started turning brown then red, whatever happened here must've ended badly.
I took shelter behind a large oak tree just as the screen door to the front of the house swung open, hitting the side of the house with a loud bang. Peeking around the tree I saw a woman climb up on the railing and sit down, a distant look across her face like she was waiting for someone. From what I could see of her, she was covered in bruises from head to toe, her cheek was swollen and she had some kind of mark on the left side of her neck. She turned her head to wipe her eyes just enough that I was able to catch a good glimpse of her face and that was when it hit me.
Claire.
Every fiber of my being wanted her to know that I was here but I didn't know how she'd react to seeing me after all these years. I wanted to know what happened to her, wanted to know who beat her to a pulp so I could do the same to them, wanted to bring her back to camp with me but with Shane there? Who knows how that would turn out. It was better to just leave well enough alone for now and if I ever got away from the group, I knew just where to find her. Finding Sophia had to take priority over my own wants.
