Saying I actually slept well was foreign but very welcomed. There had only been two other days here so far that I could say I was well rested and this made three. Maybe we should celebrate. I was feeling good, energized, and lighter than ever. Hiding my feelings for Wesker was a burden all over that was gone now. While I was sure… at least I hoped he didn't know I actually loved him, others knew and supported me, even if it was a bit reluctant, and that made me feel better. I didn't feel the need to hide my attraction for Wesker from him or anyone and I felt more confident about interacting with him. And… I was okay with allowing more to happen between us. Not sex… not yet… maybe never… but more than nothing. I was content just to see where this went. As Claire said, it was going to hurt either way so why not enjoy my time with him? It felt a bit morbid but that was our story in a nutshell, wasn't it?
I had skipped my routine yesterday since I had been so distraught but I planned to invite Wesker to join me again… just for the workout part of it… obviously. I made my way to his room and took in his form on the bed from his open door. I noticed that he never bothered shutting his door unless he didn't want my company which hadn't happened too often. He wasn't asleep but he was shirtless in bed with the blanket pulled over part of his body. I stopped in his doorway, crossed my arms as I leaned against the frame, and took in all of him that I could. I wondered about his sleeping patterns, sure that he didn't need to sleep as much as a human like me yet he still seemed to follow the ritual of going to bed. Maybe it was just something he did here because there wasn't much else to do. I really should get my tv moved out to the living room.
Deciding I had enough time to admire his body, Wesker motioned me closer with his finger and I complied. My arms fell to my sides as I stepped up to his bed, watching as he raised himself up on his elbows almost expectantly and I didn't make him wait. I bent down to kiss him even though I knew Jill wasn't the one monitoring us anymore because I didn't care. I placed a hand on his bed as I lowered myself to sit next to him without breaking the light kiss though it didn't last much longer. Wesker was smiling at me and I returned it warmly.
"Good morning to you as well." he stated and my smile brightened. "I assume you slept well." I only nodded and continued to stare into his orange eyes. I'd noticed before how they seemed to change color slightly depending on his mood. It was subtle and you had to really be looking and know him to tell but I did. They seemed to be a red-orange normally so I guessed that was the default, when he was angry or agitated they were more of a red, when he was happy or content they were more of an orange. I wasn't sure which category lust fell under with him because there have been moments that it made his eyes red and there have been times they were orange. I didn't understand the difference in the situations yet but I was eager to learn. I also had a theory that his eyes glowed when his emotion was more extreme. I've seen them glow red but I haven't seen them glow orange though I hoped one day I would if my theory was correct. I leaned forward to capture his lips again. "My, you must have had good dreams too." the blond stated with a smirk and I chuckled.
"I was just thinking about you." I teased him and he raised a brow at me.
"What about me?" he asked as he laid back down, his hand rubbing my arm as the other moved under his head for support. I knew he was putting himself on display to entice me and it was working. I wanted to keep kissing him, I wanted to run my hands across his body, I wanted to taste his skin… but thinking of what that would lead to made me nervous. Given who Wesker was and how much of a control freak he was, I knew when- if we had sex I would be the one being penetrated and that was a scary thought. So I refrained from starting something I couldn't finish. I did however move my arm from the mattress to his stomach, my fingers tracing along his defined ab muscles. I pretended the movement was natural and didn't send my heart into a frenzy but I was sure he could hear its hard beat.
"Have… you ever been with a man before?" I asked hesitantly and his smile faded into something more subdued like he was thinking over where the conversation would go and what I was seeking from it.
"No." he answered plainly and my eyebrows came together in confusion as I cocked my head to the side.
"Then why were you so shocked I haven't?" there was a little accusation in my voice because he had made such a big deal of me not having slept with a man yet he hadn't either.
"You've been attracted to me since our days in STARS and for all I know you could have been attracted to men even before then. With society's closed minded view on homosexuality at the time, it would be understandable why you wouldn't have taken a male partner. The same explanation could be said of why you never attempted anything with me during that time as I was a man and your boss. There was no way for you to know how I would have reacted to your sexuality or advancements, it would have been well within my capability to fire you or worse." he explained before he took my hand and trailed it higher up to his chest. His… his heart was beating faster than it normally did and it made my chest flutter. "However society has evolved so you no longer stand to lose anything for coming out and you don't seem to care for others' opinions concerning the matter. It stood to reason that I haven't been the only man you've had an attraction to during all these years so I saw no reason to believe you hadn't acted on any sexual desires for another man." he finished and I followed along his thought process, it made sense but what he didn't and wouldn't ever know was that he was, is, and probably will be the only one. I've never really had any serious relationships, not really from lack of trying, it just never worked out and I was starting to believe it was because I only wanted Wesker.
"Okay but that could be said about you too. I mean you wouldn't have cared about backlash even when it was a societal taboo so why haven't you ever been with a guy?" as I spoke, I dared to slide my hand further up towards his neck with the intent to reach and cup his cheek before kissing him again.
"I've only ever had sex with one person Chris and it was a short affair." he stated with a little irritation and my movement froze as I took in his words.
"Wait… seriously?" I sat up straighter in shock which pulled my hand back to the blond's chest. I knew what he was talking about from his letter covering his time in the army. It seemed his lack of interest in women made his squad believe he was gay and it started to cause some issues. Part of his solution had the implication of violence and another part was to have sex with an immigrant woman they had been temporarily stationed with. When I read that I tried not to feel jealous but after thinking about it more I came to the conclusion that it didn't really count since he hadn't actually wanted her but he wanted me. I denied that last part at the time- denied that I was feeling jealous at all. But now hearing that was the first and only time he'd had sex, well I guess it was never stated how many times they had sex- great now I'm getting jealous again. "B..but you're handsome and smart and rich- there's no way, you're messing with me!" he smirked at the series of compliments I gave him and my face grew hotter when I realized it but thankfully he didn't address it.
"I'm not prone to desires of a sexual nature Chris, you already know that. Learning I don't have much experience in that department shouldn't come as a surprise." he shrugged one shoulder like this wasn't Earth shattering news. How could someone like Albert Wesker basically be a virgin?
"I guess. But that was back when you were in the army and you only did that to shut everyone up. I mean, sure, I know you're not really a sexual person but what, have you never wanted it since then?" knowing him to be the type of person that cares about his work above all else, I figured he wouldn't have thought about sex all that much but he was still human- or at least used to be. Maybe his sex drive was something his virus helped to get rid of along with his need to eat or sleep but what about when he was still an actual human? Even a man as cold as him had to have impulses and needs.
"Not enough that I couldn't take care of it myself." he was looking at me oddly now and sat up, dropping my hand from his chest to his lap which I quickly moved back to the mattress. "Why does this knowledge bother you so much?" I had to think about that for a moment because while I thought it was shocking news and I was reacting appropriately to it, I knew it was something more than just that. There was a meaning here that I was missing but I didn't have to think too hard for the answer, it was easy to pinpoint and I blushed as I finally averted my eyes from his.
"I don't know, it's just… I mean… like you've said before, you can have whatever you want and…"
"Oh, I see." he was smirking in that self assured way I didn't like. "You're wondering how I've gone my whole life without the need for sexual partners yet here I am wanting you." hit the nail on the head and he was so damn smug about it. I groaned in disapproval and looked at him again.
"I'm wondering 'why me'?" I huffed and settled a stern look on him so he knew I needed an answer this time unlike the last time I asked this same question. He sighed and seemed to think about it, his eyes falling to the blanket over his legs. Then he smirked and looked back up at me with a heated but playful expression.
"Perhaps I just 'found the right guy'." he teased and my face brightened again as I turned away, not knowing what to say to that. It wasn't fair- he didn't know what that meant to me! I leaned to rest my head on his bare shoulder and said nothing. I thought I was done with the conflicting emotions but I wanted to smile like a lovestruck fool and I wanted to cry like a lost child. He was my 'right guy' because I loved him. He couldn't say something like that to me without knowing what it actually meant. It just confused me again. I felt him sigh before I heard it. "I said the wrong thing, didn't I?" he asked as his hand lifted to my head just as I shook it.
"No, it's fine, that's just… it's fine." I told him but didn't move so he didn't either though after a few silent moments, he started moving his fingers through my hair soothingly.
After several very relaxing minutes I finally raised my head with a smile as I told him to work out with me. He got up and we went through my routine which he was hopefully going to remain a part of. We separated for showers and I made sure he would be out and dressed before I left my room so I wouldn't see anything too pleasant to handle. Wesker tends to eat once every three days so since he had eaten yesterday, he only made enough food for me and sat with me at the table as I ate. We talked about moving the tv into the living room and we went through the list of recommendations I'd been given to see if there was anything we could agree on starting with.
The atmosphere between us was calm and comfortable, happy even. The day was shaping up to be the best yet. But it's just when you come to a realization like that that it all turns on its head and things seem impossibly bad. We moved to the couch once I was finished eating, our coffee cups sitting on the small table in front of us. Our conversation had lulled after we agreed on a few movies and a TV show but Wesker wanted to finish tonight's letter before we moved the tv and started watching. So I browsed on my phone while I waited for him to finish writing. My eyes widened at the news coverage and after only reading the headline, my phone was to my ear listening to it dial the familiar number but it didn't even ring.
"Hey this is Claire Redfield, you know what to do." her cheerful voice called through the phone as it went straight to voicemail. I hung up and tried again. Voicemail.
"Chris?" I barely registered the voice next to me on the couch as I tried again. Voicemail. "What's happened?" Voicemail. Voicemail! Voicemail!
"Damn it!" I shouted in fear as I finally changed numbers, not realizing that I had stood and was now pacing with red eyes following my every step. "Where is she?" I demanded the second Jill answered her phone. "Is she okay? What happened?"
"Calm down Chris, the police are still looking into it." her voice was rushed but authoritative. She was trying to settle me from panic but I could tell she was worried too and that didn't help.
"Where is she?" I demanded again more harshly when she avoided answering.
"We don't know." she admitted after a regretful sigh and I felt my heart stop, my body freezing with it. The fear I had been just barely containing oozed out of me followed closely by anger.
"What do you mean you don't know? It's been hours- she could be infected by now or-"
"Chris!" Jill shouted over me. "There isn't any reason to suspect this was a targeted attack or that any biochemicals were used. The police are still looking into it and they've already brought a few survivors out of the wreckage. They showed no sign of any infection nor did they report anything strange. There are no indications of an outbreak so they're focusing on getting survivors out safely and the BSAA isn't getting involved."
"A TerraSave building suddenly collapses with Claire inside of it and you say there's no reason to think it was an attack?" I asked in disbelief. "Jill if there's-"
"Chris I really need you to just think positively and not jump to conclusions. There are a dozen other reasons why the building could have gone down and they're still trying to safely dig their way to others. We've got some volunteers with search and rescue training going to help in the efforts to move things along a bit quicker." she explained which put a rush back into my blood. I had been on such a team when we were trying to find her and Wesker's bodies. I could do something!
"Us! That's us! Get me out of here and we'll-"
"That was over ten years ago, things have changed." she cut me off sharply. She knew I had elbowed my own into her rescue attempts but even I knew they only allowed me there because my lack of experience with the terrain wasn't at risk of hurting more people. I wanted to challenge her, tell her that things hadn't changed that much and we'd done building collapses before. But she knew me well enough to expect that and countered the argument before I could make it. "And they need level headed people. If you were there you would only get in the way by trying to dig too soon and maybe end up bringing more of the building down in your rush to find Claire." I wanted to challenge that too but a part of me knew she was right. With everyone brought out that wasn't Claire I'd get more and more hurried to find her and get her out.
"I can help." I whispered, my voice nearly begging as the fear began to crush my chest. My eyes burned but I didn't care to do anything about it. I was scared and it didn't matter who knew.
"The best thing you can do right now is to wait and continue your current mission." she lowered her voice with an apologetic tone. "They will find her." she hung up without waiting for me to respond. I listened to the line go dead and stared ahead of me as my emotions boiled higher, unaware of the voice calling out to me. This prison, the one Claire herself told me wasn't for me… suddenly felt like it was. I knew if I screamed and begged they wouldn't let me out because that would violate the deal. I was every bit trapped here as Wesker was- I'd only deluded myself thinking I was in any sort of control here. I was stuck in here and Claire was out there under a building, scared and fighting for her life or maybe even- no. Think positive. Think positive. Think- a loud crashing sound reverberated through me as my coffee mug shattered, splattering the coffee inside across the wall I threw it against. I screamed in frustration and threw my arms out to topple everything off of the coffee table before kicking the thing over.
"Damn it!" I yelled as I took the few steps to the nearest wall and punched it, not even feeling the pain it shot up my arm. Claire needed me and I was locked up in here when I should be out there finding her!
"Christopher calm down!" Wesker's stern voice finally registered as he grabbed a hold of me, one hand on my shoulder and the other over my fist to prevent me from punching the wall again.
"Claire needs me and I'm fucking stuck here with you!" I spat at him as if it was his fault this was happening. I panted in anger and I turned to throw my free fist at him instead but stopped when I saw his eyes… he looked at me with genuine worry. In his eyes I saw he cared nothing for what became of Claire nor did he understand what I was feeling… but he was worried about what it was doing to me. In that instant, all the anger drained from my body and left behind only the fear. "Jill doesn't think it was an attack but- but what if it was?" I asked him as if he would have the answer. "Either way, she's in danger. What am I supposed to do?" my legs shook slightly and my body didn't fight it when Wesker tugged me just a bit closer to him so I was leaning on him, using one hand on the back of my head to bring my forehead to his shoulder. The blond used his other hand to massage a high point on my shoulder that hurt for a split second before tingling. He used the same fingers to slip through my fist and pinch between my fingers. I felt numb all over but somehow breathed a little easier and that was when I realized he was hitting pressure points to try to alleviate some tension from me.
"Ricardo Irving." he sighed and I had to blink to see clearly as I raised my head.
"What?" I asked but he didn't answer. Instead he led me backward to the couch, sitting down himself before gently urging me down too. When I hesitated, he reached to the floor to pick up my phone and held it out for me. I hadn't realized I dropped it when I threw my mug.
"Call Jill back and put her on speaker." he told me though it didn't come out as an order. I complied with sitting down though my leg bounced anxiously as I unlocked my phone and redialed Jill. It took her longer to answer and I worried she might not but eventually she did.
"Chris if you're calling to-"
"I have something I want you to check into." Wesker interrupted and the woman went silent.
"Where's Chris?" she demanded but not with the venom I would have expected which told me she was getting more used to the idea of a friendly Wesker.
"I'm here." I reassured her but before either of us could say anything else, the blond man continued.
"I want you to get a location on Ricardo Irving, I believe the BSAA is familiar with him. He's one of my contacts and has a hand in a lot of bioweapon business on the black market. If anyone was planning an attack against TerraSave, he would have at least heard of it." he explained and I listened intently. "Tell him I sent you and if he doesn't comply then I'll find someone else to aid in my project, he'll understand and answer any questions you have. He won't work with the BSAA so casual clothes only and don't make it obvious you're interrogating him." if I wasn't too preoccupied worrying over Claire, maybe I would have thought about how this was the Wesker I missed. My cool headed and in control captain, the man who always had a plan… the man who always had my back. There was a little more talk of his last known location and when Wesker had last been in contact with him. I listened but stayed out of it since there was nothing I could do right now. Jill made to hang up in order to get on that but the blond man stopped her.
"And Jill, certainly this goes without saying, but there's to be no mention of my imprisonment here." the inhuman man told her with an edge to his voice.
"Don't fucking threaten me Wesker." Jill bit back sharply and the other sighed.
"It's not directed at you, I mean for you to pass it on to the rest of the BSAA." both me and my best friend were stunned into a short silence at his near apologetic tone at the misunderstanding. There was also the fact that he wasn't aiming his threat at her even though she would be in prime condition to let it out that he was in custody. "Everyone I currently work with believes me to be field testing and perfecting a drug I claimed to be testing on you with your resilience due to the T virus." he explained and I gawked at him.
"You mean that… P30 thing you were talking about- the mind controlling drug?" I asked with accusation.
"Mind control?" Jill exclaimed.
"The same." Wesker said solely to me before returning his attention to my phone. "I used it on you once during one of your last operations to get you to lay still and found it didn't stay in your system nearly as long as it was intended. While I am curious what it would take to get it to last, I didn't use it again nor do I intend to. May we move on now?" there was a moment of hesitation that he took advantage of to switch the topic back to his threat. "I believe you'll agree that it's best the people I'm working with don't get suspicious and go into hiding."
"Yeah, you're right." Jill confirmed with an irritated sigh. "You're right that it goes without saying." if I wasn't so worried about Claire, I would have laughed at her sassing off to our former captain who raised an eyebrow at the remark. "I'll call you back as soon as we hear anything on Claire or Irving."
"Thank you Jill." I quickly called to her before she hung up. The call ended but I stared at the blank screen a moment longer before raising my gaze to Wesker who was still looking at me with concern. "Thank you." my voice was but a whisper and he sighed before leaning to rest his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wasn't calm- not by a few miles but I wasn't as close to panic as I had been thanks to this intricate man who, even with all his villainous acts, had done something kind just for me.
… … …
I don't remember much of the past few hours- it's all blurred together. I know I tried distracting myself by cleaning up my mess- my poor coffee mug, it had been my favorite, but I couldn't think of it now. I sat and I stood and I paced- I paced a lot- I'm pacing now. I think Wesker tried to get me to sit back down with him but I shrugged him off. I think he tried to touch me and I moved away from him. He tried to talk to me and I yelled at him- I hadn't meant to be so mean to him, I'm just full of so much nervous energy and no one will tell me anything! I called Jill- called her a lot, she won't answer my calls anymore. She said she would call me the moment they heard back. I know they found Irving, they just have to send someone to talk to him but I was told to sit tight. I can't sit- need to move. There's been no word on Claire, it's a big building and they're still working their way through it bit by bit but so far the casualty count is low. That's great and all but it doesn't help! I need to know Claire is alright! I paced some more, sure I was wearing a path into the floor but it didn't matter. Jill said the more they get into the wreckage the less likely it seems to be an attack rather police think it may have been constructed with cut corners and an investigation is being led in that direction. It didn't matter.
"Claire is a tough woman, she knows how to handle herself." Wesker told me and I was surprised he was trying so hard to calm me down that he would go to the lengths of complimenting my sister.
"What is she supposed to do about a building falling on top of her?" I yelled in objection. I know how tough she was- I was responsible for her training! "How is she supposed to combat suddenly being crushed?" Wesker fell quiet again as he continued to watch my movements from the couch. During this entire hell his eyes haven't left me- not once. Maybe if I wasn't so high strung I would have noticed how on edge he was getting over my behavior but I didn't and I didn't care. None of this mattered to me anymore! Wesker didn't matter- this place didn't matter- his fucking evidence didn't matter! I needed to get out of here and find my little sister- she was all I had left! I rushed to the front door, banging on it with both fists as I screamed and demanded to be let out.
"Chris. Chris!" Wesker's voice was next to me, his body close with one hand on my arm and the other on the small of my back. "No one's coming to get you out, they care more about our deal." he told me like it was news to me but I had already come to that conclusion before.
"Then break it!" I yelled at him, facing him for the first time since I left him on the couch. Tears welled my vision and my breaths were coming in angry huffs- too fast and too shallow it made my chest burn with the effort.
"I can't." he spoke with a guilt I couldn't stand so I stopped looking at him. I pushed away from him and marched back to the couch to grab one of the new cups of coffee Wesker had made for the both of us in the hopes of keeping me settled. I hurled the glass at one of the cameras, not caring if I did any damage to the monitoring device.
"Get me the fuck out of here! I'm done!" I screamed at the camera even as it dripped with the brown liquid I had thrown at it.
"Christopher that's enough!" Wesker shouted at me with the authority that used to make me flinch but it did nothing now though it did manage to draw my attention back to him. "You have to calm down or you'll stress yourself into a full blown panic attack." he lowered his voice as he spoke, slowly stepping closer to me as if I were the dangerous one. "You're already hyperventilating and I do not wish for you to endure that, I hear it can be quite painful." he was close enough to reach out and place a hand on my shoulder. His voice was near pleading as he continued in a whisper which made me focus on his voice instead of the rampaging in my mind. "Calm down." but I didn't want to.
"My sister might be dead out there by herself because I'm stuck in here with you." I informed him venomously as I shrugged his hand off of me. "You better hope they find her alive." I'm not sure how I was looking at him but it felt like my own eyes would melt with the hatred they poured from them and even the great Albert Wesker… looked away. I left him there alone to storm into my room, slamming and locking the door behind me.
… … …
I heard snippets of noise outside my door. So loud- too loud. A voice maybe? It was hard to tell. Whatever sound was around me rang together into a droll buzz that sounded more like white noise. I tried to clasp my hands over my ears but my limbs were too heavy with numbness to obey me. I felt like everything was tilting this way and that but it was hard to keep up with it through my tear blurred vision- it was because I was crying, right? Why couldn't I see? My chest heaved so fast my ribs hurt but I couldn't stop it. My head was light but at the same time it felt like it was too heavy to move. My spine tingled unpleasantly but centered mostly at the base of my neck where it itched and burned and caused more distortion.
Light flooded into my sight, too much contrast for my scattered perception to make much of other than pain but I couldn't even groan in objection. Then there was pressure around me and I tried to fight back against it but didn't have the strength. If I thought the world was titling before, it was full on spinning now. More sounds invaded my confused senses and there was so much more chaos around me. I just wanted it all to end. Everything hurt- it was too loud- it was too bright- stop it- end it! I just wanted some peace!
Cold- there was cold against the heat in my head… it felt nice. More pressure- here- there- I wanted it to go away. Pressure and spinning then air. I could feel my lungs expand fully and a little of my vision straightened. There was more sound, it came at first like a low whistle- an irritant I didn't want to exist. But it persisted and I almost thought it seemed like a voice. It was a voice, low and calming.
Explosions of noise and movement and chaos returned though I had been unaware it had been retreating. Everything was pain and misery again and my chest ached and my brain throbbed. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted the voice back. But it never returned and for an eternity I tumbled alone through waves of blurry motion and echoing sounds.
Then I was breathing again and the spinning slowly stopped. A voice- a different voice. Jill. I blinked and very slowly I could start to make sense of the things around me. The legs of the table and the chairs… the couch… Jill. She sat at my side on the floor of the living room of Wesker's and my own prison. She was singing. My eyes found her and I really saw her. She noticed and smiled.
"Hey, welcome back." she spoke with a soft voice so as not to agitate me. I tried to say something to her but my throat was so dry and I was so damn tired. My breathing was normal but each inhale still sent air to my lungs that felt hotter than it should and it hurt. I tried to move, even just to raise my head off of Jill's lap but my muscles protested the movement. Everything hurt. "It's okay, stay here." my best friend told me before her head turned away from me and I noticed the two BSAA agents standing at Wesker's closed door with their guns drawn. "He's fine now, you can go." they exchanged a hesitant look before asking something that I didn't fully catch, something about risky or staying here. "I'm going to help him to bed then I'll be out." I only noticed them leaving because their movement made me nauseous. I groaned and slowly moved my hand up to hold my head.
"Jill." a new voice called and I instantly recognized it as the first voice to whisper soothingly to me through the haze- Wesker. Tears filled my eyes again at the thought of how cruel I was to him and he was still there for me.
"I'll be right back." she promised before carefully lowering my head to the ground so she could stand and walk away from me. I could still distinguish her blurry form at the door the two guards had been at as she disengaged the locks and opened it. I couldn't see Wesker but Jill returned to me, lifting my head back up but stopped when I groaned and shook my head which then sent my world through the spin cycle again.
"Press your thumb between the tendons two to three fingers down his wrist." Wesker's voice instructed from somewhere else and Jill obeyed. After a minute I didn't feel as nauseous or like everything was spinning anymore. I was able to lift my head with less issue and my friend scooted herself under me again to act as a pillow. Another blond head appeared at my side opposite my partner. Red eyes gazed down at me, calculations passing them that I couldn't keep up with. A strong hand lifted my head and offered a glass of foggy water to my lips. I greedily drank it down, vaguely noticing something red on the chest of his shirt but was too focused on not choking to really give it any attention.
"What is that?"
"Improvised medicine, it'll help." he explained to Jill before lowering my head back to the woman's thighs. My hand found his and he held it firmly. "You're going to fall asleep now and when you wake up you'll feel much better." he consoled me and I carefully nodded but wasn't capable of words.
"Chris." Jill called softly to get my attention, waiting until my gaze was on her before she smiled down at me with water in her eyes. "They found Claire, she's a little banged up but she's safe." wetness spilled from my eyes at the wonderful news and my chest heaved again with emotion.
"We only just managed to calm him down, did you have to tell him now?" Wesker asked with irritation and Jill rolled her eyes but didn't answer him.
"Let's get him to bed." she said instead. The two helped me up but instead of half dragging me, the inhuman man scooped me into his arms and walked in front of the blonde woman into my bedroom where it was darker which was a relief. Wesker placed me into bed and Jill tucked the blanket up to my neck. I was very quickly losing awareness but not in a scary way like before, this was a calm quiet taking me now and I welcomed it. I barely made out the two figures next to my bed, the smaller one hugging the other. "Thank you."
"It was my pleasure." Wesker's voice was more distant than it should have sounded.
"... think… understand… you're here." her words were so muddled I couldn't understand what she was saying but it was fine, it didn't matter. Claire was safe, Jill was here, and Wesker cared for me. All was right with the world again. Claire was safe. All the worry and fear emptied out of me to be replaced with relief. Jill was here. She sang to me and comforted me until I felt better because she was the best friend I could have ever hoped to have. Wesker cared for me. The painful ache in my chest lightened and though my body still felt uncomfortably hot, the warmth wasn't unpleasant. Wesker cared. Everything was fine.
~...~...~...~
I'd been aware of the event, of course I had been, so the reason I was still shocked that my team came into work hungover eluded me. This wasn't the first time someone had come to work in an unprofessional state but never before the whole team at once. Luckily for them, someone had paid for and installed a new coffee machine in the break room nearest to our office, the one we all used though we weren't the only department to do so. It produced a much higher quality drink than the slosh we had to endure before. After dragging the aftermath of their party to work with them, I had been regretting spoiling the lot but at least the purchase had not been for nothing since it did brighten everyone's day.
"Captain have you tried the new coffee machine?" my pointman's voice called out to me excitedly on that first morning of the machine's arrival. I gazed over him appraisingly, noting how he had perked up since he first dragged himself in. He seemed revitalized back to his boyishly cheerful self. Yes, it wasn't for nothing.
"Yes, I have." I informed him as I was actually just leaving to refill my cup.
"We've really needed a new coffee maker for a long time, this is awesome." he grinned and I nodded in agreement. The whole building has been long overdue for an upgrade but Chief Irons insisted it wasn't necessary and would make no room for new machines in the budget. "Do you know who got it?"
"I know it was installed last night, it was there this morning when I came in." I evaded and he didn't seem to notice as he thought about that information.
"Yeah you were probably here late again and had to have the old coffee." he tapped his chin as he thought. "Did you see who put it in?"
"No." it wasn't a lie, I hadn't seen myself do it.
"Pretty cool timing, huh? Magically showing up in our break room right after my birthday." he looked over to me again as he spoke but I didn't react to it in case that was what he was searching for.
"A coincidence, I'm sure."
"Since when do you believe in coincidences?" he laughed but I again didn't react, unsure if that was an accusation. "Hm… guess we'll have to figure it out so we can thank whoever it was." he fell silent and looked away from me, still puzzling over it so I took a step back towards the door because I wasn't sure if he was done talking or not. His eyes flickered again to me, to my empty coffee cup, to the door, then back to me. "Oh!" he jumped up, grabbing his own cup as he came closer. "I was gonna get a refill anyway, I can get yours too." he offered as I allowed him to take my cup.
"Thank you."
"No problem captain, it's the least I can do." his grin widened and he didn't move to leave as he watched me reexamine him. Had he worked it out? Did he know I bought it for him?
"Coffee?" I reminded him and he nodded quickly, a small dusting of red crossing his cheeks at having been called out on his staring. He stepped around me to the door and I watched him go suspiciously.
The new machine was the hot topic of all conversation today as people tried to figure out who had purchased it. Chris hadn't been the first to notice that it had been installed right after his birthday and after he had been so openly complaining about the poor tasting coffee from the old machine. I had planned to reply in the negative if anyone had the audacity to ask me if I had bought it for his birthday which wouldn't be a lie. It wasn't necessarily for Chris's birthday as it was a gift for everyone, even the officers that came from across the building just to use it, although it was Chris's loud protest that inspired the idea. The fact that it coincided with his birthday was mere happenstance, I knew no one would be around that night since they had been out celebrating so I could take my time setting it up. Thus saying I bought it for Chris's birthday was simply not the case. He had been on my mind when I got the machine, yes, but it wasn't intended as a birthday gift specifically for him.
Had anyone simply asked if it was I that bought it, I would evade for as long as possible especially now with the publicly accepted idea that it was secretly for Chris. I would rather no one know it was me who bought the machine because I didn't want to deal with the expectation that I might buy new machines for the whole building or be called selfish. I didn't care for anyone else in the building so I cared not for their comfort, if they didn't like the machines nearest them they could make the trek.
I never did figure out if Chris actually knew but he at least suspected it. It was like a riddle we danced around together, whether I did buy it and whether he knew, and that was alright. It was, at the very least, entertaining.
SO! Long chapter, yay. I want to apologize if I triggered anyone's anxiety during this chapter, I had to stop and return to it three times and I actually took out a few bits that consistently triggered me as I was writing that scene. Anyone else experience bad attacks like that? I remember one of the worst ones I had happened during a night walk with my cousin and our friend. It came on so quick and I couldn't breathe, ended up collapsing on the street. My cousin ran home for help while our friend stayed with me and I'm told we almost got hit by a car coming around the curve too fast but swerved and missed us (still not sure if that's true since my cousin never saw the car since they didn't stick around to see if we were okay). I was conscious the whole time but I couldn't make sense of anything happening around me. Voices were muffled and distant, the red and blue lights of the ambulance were fuzzy, when I was moved it felt like I was being spun. My muscles were tense, my lungs burned, my chest felt compressed, and my limbs felt heavy yet numb to a point I wasn't sure they existed anymore. It sucked. There was another time in high school I was having a panic attack and backed myself into a corner and my friend, trying to see if I was okay, touched me and I punched her because I couldn't properly register who she was and I was scared. I think this plays into the schizophrenic diagnosis I was given at 14 though there's been debate about that. Point is, it all sucks and it's really hard to deal with. If anyone of you suffer from any sort of illness, mental or physical, I want you to know you're not alone. I used to think that way and there's no deeper feeling of isolation. Your struggle is real there are others who understand what you're going through.
Anyway, not the direction I wanted to go with this. To be fair, I never know where I'm going with these notes, I just write them as I post. You're all awesome and thanks for all your support, it continues to mean so much to me. Poor Chris, good Wesker, supportive Jill, safe Claire. We're good.
