Unlike Peeta, Katniss was plagued by nightmares. She woke up in a sweat, dazed and confused, until her eyes landed on her husband and she could see he was perfectly safe. Before him, it was always nightmares of Prim in the Hunger Games. Or her father being blown to bits. Now she saw Peeta as a bloody mess on the floor, with a group of men holding blood-stained batons over his motionless body.
On her fourth attempt to go back to sleep, she sat up and leaned down to check his injury. She didn't want to wake him but the bandage looked to be too tight and her mother had said to only keep it on for a few hours. She didn't know what time it was but it was still dark outside. She climbed out of the bed and crouched by his side. She tenderly unwrapped the bandage and shifted him to his side so she could pull it away from his skin. The bruise was even bigger and uglier, making her wince.
"Pretty awful, huh," his soft voice made her jump.
"I'm sorry I woke you."
"I woke up and you were gone. Didn't even register that you were being Dr. Everdeen."
"I just wanted to get this bandage off. Let's put the ice back on it for a little bit." But she saw the ice had melted and the bag was dripping.
"Ok, let me go get some more."
"It's fine, Katniss."
"Stay here," she said firmly before creeping down the stairs and into the kitchen. She re-filled the bag of ice, then grabbed another for his face. His eye looked worse as well and she didn't think it would do to have the First Lieutenant looking so beat down.
She returned to the bedroom and handed him the bag to put against his ribs. He winced at the cold and she climbed over him, setting the other bag against his face.
"I must look a mess."
"So-so," she shrugged. He chuckled and pulled her other hand to his lips. She positioned the ice over his eye and he sighed heavily.
"You should try to sleep some more."
"I'm ok. Actually the pain is what woke me up. Feels like someone is twisting a knife in my side."
"Let me find you something for the pain."
"I'm ok, Katniss," he said again. "Just stay with me."
"You're in a Healer's house. You shouldn't be in pain. Just give me a moment." He tried to protest as she climbed off the bed again but she hurried back to the kitchen and dug through the cabinet of herbs. Finding a tin of ginger and willow bark, she rushed to the stove to make a pot of tea. She stirred the herbs into his cup, then grabbed one for herself and tiptoed back up the stairs.
"Here, this should help." He took the cup of tea and sipped eagerly.
"Wow," he glanced over at her. "The pain is already fading."
"Mom knows her herbs."
"So do you, it seems."
"My dad had this plant book… he wanted us to know which plants we could eat and which ones to avoid. It's difficult because there are no drawings to go with it but he described them well."
"I can help you with the drawings, if you like." She smiled and her fingers entwined with his.
"I'd like that."
"So your dad was fond of flowers… Violet, Katniss, Primrose."
"Katniss isn't really a flower. The actual term is Sagitarria, or arrowhead plant."
"Appropriate," he said with a smile.
"But he once told me, as long as you can find yourself, you'll never starve. I used to bring katniss tubers home for Mom to cook."
"I think it has petals on it, though. I once asked my Dad when I was a boy to draw me a katniss flower… for obvious reasons."
"Obvious," she giggled, shaking her head.
"But anyway, he drew three small white petals. It was pretty, I thought."
"I think he liked the idea of it being a useful plant. His name was Ash, which is one of the toughest kinds of trees. I remember him being really gentle though. He always had a smile and he always brought my mom a flower when we went into the woods together." Peeta smiled as he watched her face. Hearing her talk about her father made her light up and he loved that.
"Do you think he would have approved of me?"
"You've done everything to take care of his daughter. He would have loved you."
"Even though I'm a Peacekeeper?" She shrugged and he bit his lip.
"I don't think it matters."
"Katniss...why is it your mother didn't re-marry?"
"Who would she marry?"
"I just mean…she knew how bad things had gotten for you and Prim. She could have married a peacekeeper...instead of you doing it." She sank back against the pillows and crossed her arms.
"Mom completely lost herself when Daddy died. I don't think she would ever consider marrying someone else, no matter how bad things get. I don't know if she's always been this selfish but I try not to judge her as harshly as I did when I was younger. It's hard though. I basically had to take care of Prim by myself for 8 years.
She started to come back to us a few years ago but she still has these moments where she's lost in her grief." Peeta was silent, his thoughts racing. She still should have volunteered to marry to save her daughters, he decided. Could he judge her if her daughter didn't?
"Peeta?" He was snapped from his thoughts and his eyes met hers.
"Do you think Jacobson and Thread are plotting against you?" He raised a brow.
"Why do you think that?"
"Jacobson mentioned that he had talked to Thread...and all that stuff about how he was going replace you."
"That's just him spewing bullshit, Katniss, don't worry. Jacobson was an idiot in training. Duartyr hated him, in fact, and almost didn't allow him to graduate from training. Only reason he did was because someone in 2 put in a good word for him. No, I don't think Thread has allied himself with Jacobson. That's not to say we shouldn't be careful though. But I am going to the Justice Building in the morning to make an official report. Jacobson and his cronies will be sent away from 12."
"Do you trust Thread?"
"Katniss, he's my Commander. You can't really ask me that."
"You said you hated him," she argued. He sighed and leaned against the bed frame.
"Fine. As a Peacekeeper, I respect him and am loyal to him. As a citizen of District 12, I despise him and everything he stands for."
"How do you keep from going crazy? Losing yourself completely?"
"It's not without difficulty," he said carefully. "Sometimes I have to really remind myself where I come from and what I have endured over the years. What others close to me have endured, all in the name of keeping peace. I will say, though, coming back to 12 and being with you has given me...well, a sense of clarity. The road ahead will be a difficult one but I finally feel like I'm headed in the right direction."
"What do you mean? Why are you-"
"You don't need to worry about it," he said softly. "Now try to get some more sleep."
"You're keeping me in the dark about something," she huffed. "And I don't like it."
"Because it's safer that way. At least for now. I'll tell you everything I can, Katniss, just not tonight... I need to do some thinking. And I need to make some phone calls in the morning. Most importantly, I need to focus on my brother's wedding day."
"Ok," she reluctantly conceded. "But after the toasting...you'll tell me?"
"I'll answer your questions as best I can," he kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep. You looked so peaceful while you were dreaming. And you say the loveliest things." She settled on his chest again only to dart back up.
"Wait, what did I say?" He chuckled and shook his head.
"It doesn't matter."
"Wish you would stop saying that," she grumbled. "It matters to me."
"If you don't remember what you said, then it really doesn't matter. Maybe you'll say it again one day. I hope you will." She racked her brain, trying to remember what she could have said to him. He gave her a sad smile and stroked her hair.
"Dream sweet dreams, love." But she didn't find them. Only nightmares that left her heart racing and her face streaked with tears.
When Katniss opened her eyes again, she could see the sun was starting to rise and Peeta stirred fitfully beside her. The ice packs were melted again and lay discarded while he slept on his good side. She softly pushed his hair back and left a sweet kiss on his cheek. He awoke not long after that and she helped him with his shoes and pants before they made their way downstairs. Violet was awake and was swirling something around in a vial.
"How are you feeling, Peeta?"
"Just fine. Katniss gave me some tea with herbs in it early this morning."
"He said he was in a lot of pain."
"Let me check on those fractures. Let's hope the ice helped the swelling some." Katniss fetched his discarded shirt while she examined his side.
"It doesn't look any worse. I don't think you should return to work just yet though. At least if you do, keep to desk work. You could make the fracture worse and could have more serious injuries. Those ribs are too close to important internal organs."
"I'll take it easy," he said as he slipped his shirt back on. "Thank you for everything, Violet. Katniss, I need to get home and change before I head to the Justice Building. Can I escort you back, or would you prefer to stay here?"
"I'll come with you." They said goodbye to her mother and slowly headed back toward the barracks. He winced a few times but tried to keep his back straight as he walked. Katniss admired his bravado but right now, he was being stubborn. There weren't even any people around to see his brave face! She tucked herself into his good side and wrapped her arm around his waist. Making sure to avoid his injury, she took his hand and leaned her head against him so that he was forced to bend a little in order to hold her.
"Sneaky," he muttered.
"Don't know what you're talking about," she shrugged. "Everyone is still asleep anyway, Peeta, so I don't know who you're pretending for."
"Fine. Come here." He whirled her around and leaned down to kiss her. She gasped at the abruptness but his hands in her hair made her moan and his tongue raked across her bottom lip before he pulled away. When she opened her eyes, he grinned and shrugged.
"I guess I don't have to pretend for you."
"You don't. Let's get you home. The sooner you go to the Justice Building, the sooner you can come home and rest before the toasting."
Katniss worried about him the whole day. She knew she should probably go to Madge's to see if she could help with anything but she also wanted to stay close to the phone, in case Peeta called. She scowled at the wall and shook her head. What was wrong with her? She didn't act this way. She had asked him how he had kept from losing himself completely but maybe she should reevaluate herself and ask the same question. She didn't really recognize herself anymore. She had never hidden behind a man before so what made her her do that last last night?
"This is ridiculous," she told herself as she scrubbed at the one dish in the sink, just to give her something to do. "You're Katniss Everdeen of District 12. You don't fawn or giggle like some schoolgirl and you certainly don't wait for a man to solve the problem. Hell no, that's not who you are. And if Peeta wants a wife like that… well, this will be a long five years."
Would this new Peeta who had become a Peacekeeper want someone like that? Submissive and meek?
She shook her head and threw aside the towel. Doing the dishes just made her feel more domestic and she wasn't in the mood for that. Instead, she went into the living room to practice her song for the toasting.
Around midday, she decided to take a quick shower and was studying her reflection, wondering what to do with her hair, when she heard the front door open.
"Katniss?"
"In the bedroom," she called, grabbing a robe from his closet and wrapping it tightly before going to greet him. He wasn't wearing his heavy uniform, he moved with a slight limp, and he was paler than she had ever seen him.
"What-" She couldn't complete the sentence before his arms were around her, his face buried in her wet hair.
"Peeta, what happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it. Can I just hold you for a moment? Is that alright?"
"Ok but come here." She pulled him into the living room and made him sit on the couch so he would be more comfortable. She curled up beside him and he turned into her, wrapping his arms around her again. He was silent, though his breathing was heavy and she reached up to stroke his hair. He was shaking, from what,
Katniss had no idea.
"At least tell me you're alright," she whispered.
"I don't deserve to be. I'm a monster." She jerked back, so she could look at him and he lowered his head. She cupped his chin to make him look at her and she frowned as she searched his sad eyes.
"I have already told you, you are no monster."
"Then why do I continue to commit such heinous crimes?" Her brow furrowed further.
"What are you-"
"I made a call to my superior in District 2 this morning. Duartyr was furious when he heard what happened and he made a call to the Capitol. The Minister of Defense contacted Thread and we had a holo meeting with him, Duartyr, Thread, and myself. Minister Antonius stripped Jacobson and the others of their stations and demanded they be sent to the Capitol on the first available train. But that didn't satisfy Duartyr and Antonius."
"What did he-"
"Duartyr has had some problems with Jacobson in the past, it seems. Thread said Jacobson has been spreading lies around here too, so this was the last straw. Antonius wanted the three men brought into the room so he could speak to them. He said they were traitors and deserved a traitor's punishment." Katniss's stomach churned as he spoke, but she didn't interrupt him.
"He wanted me to do it...he said I deserved the honor. It wasn't honor, Katniss, it was torture. I didn't want to do it….I wanted to refuse...but the way Thread was watching me...it was like he expected me to protest. They wanted me to be like them! They've turned me into a piece in their fucked up game!"
"It's ok," she said softly, trying to soothe him. He jerked away from her soft hand, reaching for his face, and shook his head.
"We turned him into an avox." Katniss's eyes widened and she felt sick.
"They made you...cut his tongue out?"
"Thread stood behind him and ordered him to stick his tongue out. He refused, so Thread threatened to shoot him in the head. Jacobson was sobbing and pleading for me to show him mercy. I did it as quick as I could but the blood, Katniss, god there was so much blood and I just...I can't believe...I can't-" he fell forward into her arms and his body shook with sobs.
"They've made me do some terrible things in training. Really terrible things. But to render someone speechless, to take away their voice... how can you say I'm not a monster for that?"
"Remorse, Peeta. It's all over your face, it's in your voice, and it's in your tears. A monster doesn't feel guilt over their actions. You are still the good baker's son that I...that means so much to me." She stroked his cheek and he closed his eyes.
"So you're safe? Thread doesn't believe Jacobson?"
"I don't think so. Thread is familiar with my training and Duartyr speaks highly of me. I think they all just view Jacobson as a jilted officer who is spreading lies."
"So it's over?"
"For now." She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his strong jaw. He reached up to cup her cheek, his forehead pressing to hers before their lips met. She was on the verge of climbing into his lap when she remembered his injury.
"How is your side?"
"Painful. Thread sent me home after we put the men on the train to the Capitol. He said to get some rest before the toasting, and he actually told me to take the entire weekend off." Katniss was shocked; she did not expect his commander to be so understanding.
"I'm just glad you're alright." He pulled her hand to his lips and found her eyes.
"You're not disgusted with me?"
"No Peeta. You're doing your job and I can't begrudge you for that. He deserved what he got."
"I'm not sure I would say that but they're off to the Capitol to become servants. Who knows which is better, death or servitude?"
"Hey, I brought the herbs home with me," she said in an attempt to distract him. "Stay here and I'll make you some tea." She jumped off the couch and blushed, realizing she was still naked under the robe.
Peeta seemed to realize this too; he set the mug of tea on the table to cool before pulling her into his lap, her legs draping on both sides of him. He leaned up to kiss her, his hands moving to the sash of the robe and tugging roughly. His lips tore away from hers and found her breast, closing around her nipple. She moaned loudly as she tossed her head back, his hand moving up to massage the other globe.
"Peeta," she whined and his control snapped at the sound of his name. He lay her down on her back and moved his hand down between her legs, finding her curls damp with want. His mouth went back to suckling at her breast as he pushed in a finger and curled it inside her. She grabbed at the back of the couch and arched her back.
"I need to taste you, love. Can I?"
"P-Peeta. Please."
"God I love it when you say my name like that." He kissed his way down her stomach and spread her legs wide. His warm breath on her center made her shiver and she looked down to see his blue eyes locked on her. He was on the verge of swiping at her folds, when there was a pounding on the door.
"Shit," he muttered. Deciding to ignore it, he kissed her hipbone and added a second finger, moving them slowly, teasing her to no end. The knocking came again, louder.
"Peet! Open up!"
"Damn it all to hell," he sighed as he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry, Katniss."
"Let me go get dressed," she said as she tied the robe closed and hurried into the bedroom. Peeta had to adjust his slacks before he yanked the door open. Ryen's face was pale and worried as he stepped inside.
"Are you alright?"
"Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?" Breathe, Peeta, he told himself. He doesn't know he's interrupting something and it's not his fault.
"Darius told me what happened. He said you seemed pretty out of it when you left the train station. I wanted to come straight to you but Thread had me finish up some paperwork since he is giving me a few days off."
"He gave me the weekend off too. I'm fine, Rye, really." Ryen's eyes searched for a lie but his brother wore his mask well. Rye knew better than anyone how Peeta's training had affected him but he said nothing as he continued to watch his brother.
"Where is Katniss?"
"She was in the shower when I got home a few minutes ago."
"Here, Madge asked me to give her this." He handed him a dress, folded in paper and Peeta took it with a bemused expression.
"For the toasting?"
"Yeah, she said she let Katniss pick a dress but she forgot it when she left last night."
"I'll pass it on to her. How are you feeling? Are you ready?"
"I'd feel a lot better if my little brother didn't look to be in so much pain."
"I'll be fine," Peeta said dismissively, reaching for his tea. "Katniss gave me some herbs from her mother's kitchen and they really help. I only look weakened. Really, I'm alright."
"You're my brother, Peeta," Rye said in a serious tone. "You don't have to lie for my benefit."
"You need to get out of here and get ready for your toasting. Quit worrying about me." The bedroom door opened and Katniss walked out, dressed in trousers and a clean shirt with her hair braided on the side.
"Katniss, take care of him, will you?"
"I will. More tea, Peeta?" She didn't wait for an answer before she grabbed his cup and took it to the kitchen. She heard the brothers talking in low voices as she poured more warm tea into the mug. She added another teaspoon of willow bark and added a mint leaf for flavor.
Peeta entered the kitchen, sighing heavily.
"It's my big brother's wedding day and all he can think about is his pathetic baby brother."
"He cares about you," she said firmly, pressing the mug into his hand. "There's nothing wrong with that. You have to let people take care of you, Peeta. You have to let people in." He took a sip of tea and smacked his lips.
"That's really good. And I feel better already."
"Finish it all, then get changed. I think I have an idea how to hide those bruises." Peeta's brow raised as he surveyed her over the cup.
"Hold still," she insisted.
"It tickles," he protested.
"You're acting like a baby."
"Forgive me, I'm not used to wearing make up," he rolled his eyes.
"I'm not either but I didn't squirm this bad when Prim did mine on our wedding day."
"Katniss, are you sure about this?"
"It's working already. Here, have a look." She handed him a mirror and his eyes widened as he reached up to touch his eye.
"You can hardly see anything."
"I think Madge secretly wants to be a stylist. She was too excited to do mine and Prim's hair and make up the last few days." Peeta chuckled as he set the mirror down.
"I can't do anything about that split lip but at least the bruises aren't as obvious."
"You're amazing," he said fondly, as she packed the powder away.
"Madge sent this with the dress she gave me. Think she's trying to tell me to dress up for her wedding?"
"Well, I may have learned that it's useless to give you orders but I suppose other people still haven't realized how foolish that is." She shook her head with a smile.
"You're all set. It's a good thing your skin is so fair; you can't even tell you're wearing makeup unless you're really close."
"Thank you, Katniss." He stood and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. "Shall I escort you to Madge's before I go to the bakery?"
"Oh I was going to pick up Prim first. You can go meet your brothers." Peeta looked wary as he tied his shoelaces.
"I really don't like the idea of you ladies walking alone."
"It's still light out, Peeta. We will be fine."
"Promise me that you'll be careful. That you'll keep your eyes peeled for even the smallest sign of danger. I know you're observant."
"I'll pay attention. Look, you double knot your shoelaces," she indicated his shoes and he glanced at his feet before giving her a bemused look. "See? I'm observant. Now go be with your brothers. I'll see you at the toasting." He cupped her chin and leaned down to kiss her.
"Be careful."
"You too." He draped his jacket over his arm, cast her one last look, and closed the door behind him. Sighing, Katniss headed into the bedroom to change and put on a little bit of makeup to satisfy Madge. Not that she would notice, anyway. She was the bride today, she shouldn't be worrying about anything else! She grabbed her nice shoes since her hunting boots didn't really go with the dress, and headed to the Seam.
As she made her way up the path, she could see Prim on the front porch, talking with Posy, Rory, and Gale.
"Katniss," Posy shrieked and threw her arms around her. Katniss laughed as she embraced the girl and glanced over her shoulder.
"How's it going, Gale?"
"Where's your husband, Catnip?"
"I'm a big girl, Gale. I can go places without Peeta, you know." Gale smirked and Katniss narrowed her eyes.
"Katniss, that dress looks gorgeous on you," Prim gushed.
"Thanks little duck. Madge gave it to me. I was just coming to see if you wanted to come to her place to help with last minute plans?"
"Oh yes, I'd love to! Give me one moment to finish getting ready! Um, Rory, next week sounds great." She gave him a warm smile before running into the house.
"If you break her heart, Rory Hawthorne, I'll break every limb on your body." Rory gulped audibly.
"Easy there tiger," Gale chuckled. "Don't go threatening my brother now."
"Then make sure he doesn't hurt my sister."
"I would never hurt her, Katniss," Rory assured her before Gale could speak again. "That I can promise you."
"Then I'm happy for you both," she nodded.
"Kat, you look so pretty," Posy said as she bounced up and down.
"Thank you, Posy! I like your dress too! Are you coming to the toasting?"
"I thought we could stop by for a few minutes," Rory glanced sideways at Gale. "Madge has always been really nice to us."
"As I said, you guys have fun. I don't really need to go to a Merchant's or a Peacekeeper's wedding."
"For god sakes, Gale, grow up," Katniss rolled her eyes.
"Hey. Some of us remember our places."
"Oh that was subtle, Hawthorne, really subtle," she snapped. "And just because Madge didn't let you jump into her pants doesn't mean you can't go give her your best wishes on her wedding day." Gale's face reddened while Rory hid his face in his hands to keep from laughing.
"And who says she didn't? Not all of us are prudes, Katniss." Her eyes glittered as she took a step towards him. He towered over her but she lifted her chin and glared.
"You don't know me, Gale. You haven't for a long time. So you don't know what I have and haven't done." He lowered his chin and gave her a cruel smirk.
"Fantastic. You've whored yourself out to a Peacekeeper. Congratulations." Her palm left a red print on his cheek and he blinked in surprise.
"I think you should go home," she said in a deadly whisper while Rory and Posy looked on in shock. Gale moved closer so that they were almost pressed together.
"There is something different about you, Katniss," his voice was so low that only she could hear. "I can see it in your flushed cheeks. I can smell it. You smell divine, actually. You let him touch you? Do you cry out his name? I can't imagine a Merchant baker's boy knows anything about making a woman cum. I used to imagine you crying out my name, Katniss. I could make you cum harder than you've ever-"
"Go to hell, Gale," she balled her fist and punched him square in the nose. His hands flew to his face and his eyes widened.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?"
"No but you must be! You're aware Peeta can have you flogged in the square? Did you forget that was your sentence and he saved you from it? And now you're whispering all of these disgusting things in my ear? Get the hell off my porch! I don't want to see you over here again."
"Katniss!" Prim came rushing out, her wide eyes moving from Gale to her sister. "What is going on?"
"Gale was just leaving."
"S'far as I'm concerned, you two were made for each other," Gale snarled as he jumped off the porch.
"Yes, I think you're right," she called after him. "He's mine and I'm his. Anything else is unthinkable."
"Whatever." Gale marched off back toward his house and Rory gaped at Katniss.
"Not that I condone you giving my brother a black eye but that was pretty awesome."
"Rory," Prim shrieked. "Don't encourage her!"
"He deserved it," he shrugged. "I heard only part of what he said and think he deserved a lot more. He would have gotten the shit beaten out of him if Peeta had heard that."
"I'm sorry, Posy," Katniss looked uncomfortable, realizing the little girl was still present. "Your brother can be a real jerk."
"It's ok, Katniss," Posy said uncertainly, staring at her brother's retreating back. "Gale's a jerkface. Especially lately. I'm happy you like Mr. Peeta so much."
"I'm surprised he said those things in front of Posy," Rory said quietly. "He's usually much better than that."
"He's changing, Rory," Katniss shook her head. "I hardly recognize him anymore."
"It's cause of Mama, isn't it," Posy turned to face her brother. Rory bit his lip and Prim slipped her hand into his.
"Gale's just worried about all of us, Pose," he said gently. "Mama will be ok." Prim's worried face told Katniss that Hazelle's health was worse than she'd thought.
"Prim, is Mom home?"
"She was mixing together some medicines."
"Ok. I'll be back in a minute and then we can go." She pushed the door open and peered around the corner. Violet was sitting at the table, hand mixing herbs.
"Hey sweetheart, do you need more herbs for Peeta?"
"No, he's doing alright. I was actually hoping you could do something to my hair before the toasting. Madge's hair always looks so pretty."
"Oh I think I can come up with something," she smiled and rose to her feet. "Sit down."
It was strange, she thought, sitting there with her mother fixing her hair. She imagined her doing this when she was a little girl, still giddy enough to let her mother comb out her long tresses. She found that she liked the feeling.
Violet finished the braid and pinned it to her head.
"I think I have something that would make this look even more beautiful. Wait here." She returned quickly with a fake yellow rose and she pinned it to her braid.
"Your father brought that to me the week before he died. He was upset that he couldn't find a real one but I told him this was beautiful. A yellow rose means joy and warmth. You're exuding warmth in that dress, my dear. It looks lovely on you."
"Thank you, Mom. And thanks for helping Peeta last night. I hate seeing him in pain."
"You didn't really tell me what happened. Just that he got hurt."
"It's… it's a long story. We were attacked by some of Peeta's soldiers."
"What?"
"They've been punished. But I'm still worried that it was the Head Peacekeeper who planned it, even though Peeta says it wasn't. I don't trust him at all."
"You've never really trusted peacekeepers before, Katniss."
"That's not true. I like Darius. And I sold meat to Cray. Some of the Peacekeepers are my best customers. Which is what might be getting me into trouble now."
She quickly told her mother about Jacobson and what he had told Thread. Her mother turned pale and when Katniss was finished talking, she sniffled and covered her face in her hands.
"Katniss, I have never done right by you! It's my fault you're in this mess. You should never have had to go into those woods! You wouldn't have if I had just been a mother to you both."
"Mom!" Katniss moved toward her mother, feeling slightly awkward. She didn't consider herself an expert at offering comfort. She wrapped her arms around her mother and patted her back softly.
"It's ok, Mom. It's ok."
"It's not, Katniss. You grew up way too fast because you had to. You took care of us. And you got married to save Prim! What kind of mother lets her child risk her
life and sell herself?"
"Mom...please stop. You know that Peeta is a good man. Please don't put it that way-"
"Are you happy, Katniss? With him? I mean truly happy?"
"I think so," she said slowly. "I mean, I don't think I really know what real happiness means… we have lived in these conditions for so long, is anyone really happy in 12?"
"I see you smile around him, like I've never seen you smile before. I see his love for you all over his face. You make him happy. I think you make each other happy."
"Yeah. I think we do. So yes, I guess I am happy."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," she cupped Katniss's face and sniffed. "You deserve much more than this life."
"Well, maybe one day it will be a different life. A different world," she shrugged as her mother stared at her with wide eyes. "Who knows? I need to get going. Thank you for doing my hair."
"Have fun and give Madge my best."
"You know...you could come with us...if you want." Violet opened and closed her mouth uncertainly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. You know the Undersees. You said you were even friends once."
"Yes," she said, slightly dazed.
"Then come with us. We can wait while you change." Violet glanced down at her dress and nodded.
"Alright. Give me a moment."
Katniss returned the porch and Prim's brow raised.
"You ready?"
"Actually Mom is going to come with us."
"Really?" Katniss nodded and Prim broke into a smile. Rory was sitting with Posy on the porch steps, the two of them giggling softly.
"We should take Hazelle's medicine to her after the toasting," Prim lowered her voice.
"Is she not doing well?" Her sister shook her head sadly.
"Mom says it's cancer. Her children don't know."
"Gale?"
"He suspects but he doesn't know. Hazelle doesn't want them to know. I don't think there's any more that Mom can do. The medicine just helps with the pain." Katniss swallowed heavily. Hazelle had always been like a second mother to her and no matter how she was feeling about Gale at the moment, the Hawthornes were family.
"Maybe we can get some kind of medicine from the Capitol. Something stronger."
"I don't think it will help, Katniss, but we can try. Hey Mama, you look beautiful!" Violet had donned a lilac gown with her blonde hair scooped up. She smiled and cupped her youngest daughter's chin.
"Both of my girls look so beautiful and grown up. Hello Rory. Posy, how are you sweetheart?"
"Hi Auntie Violet," Posy hugged Violet around the middle and Rory jumped to his feet, brushing his pants off.
"The toasting doesn't start for another few hours but I'm sure the Undersees won't mind extra hands to help out."
"Well, I have no idea how to get to the Merchant side of town so lead the way, Katniss," Rory offered Prim his arm and offered Posy the other. Violet walked ahead of them, as if she had walked this path a thousand times. Katniss supposed she had been to the Mayor's house many times in the past. Especially if she was friends with Mrs. Undersee.
When they arrived and offered to help, Mayor Undersee looked like he would cry from relief.
"You all are too sweet. Miss Hawthorne, I need someone to put these treats on the table. Would you help me with that?"
"Yes sir," she reached for the bowl of candy and he leaned in closer.
"And I'll look the other way if you sneak one or two." He winked and Posy giggled.
"Mr. Hawthorne, could you help me with these tables? We need to move them outside."
"Of course sir."
"Girls, Madge and Saramae are upstairs, if you would like to go up and help. I think Saramae is doing her hair." Violet nodded and Katniss and Prim followed her up the stairs.
Madge sat at her vanity while her mother stood behind her. She caught sight of them in the mirror and jumped to her feet.
"Katniss! Primrose! Thank goodness you girls are here! Tell Mama to leave my hair down!"
"It will look so pretty up and off your neck," her mother said gently. Madge scowled and shook her head.
"Katniss wore hers down for her wedding!"
"Do you have any small flowers we can put in her hair," Violet asked softly.
"I think I may have some things in a box somewhere. I'll be right back." Saramae swept out of the room and Katniss grinned at Madge in the mirror.
"You look beautiful, Madge."
"So do you! That dress fits you like a dream! Wait until Peeta sees you in it! It's his favorite color you know." She gave her a knowing wink and Katniss rocked on her heels, loving the way the material felt against her legs. She hadn't forgotten that Peeta had a love for the muted sunset that she was clad in. She secretly couldn't wait to see what he thought. The dress was a mixture of the soft orange with yellows and reds swirled in, and Madge was right, it did fit her well.
Saramae returned with several blue flowers and Madge squealed.
"Those are beautiful, Mama! Where did they come from?"
"They belonged to your aunt." Violet's hand stilled and she swallowed deeply. Saramae sighed and wrapped her finger around one of Madge's curls.
"She would love to be here, Madge. To see you like this."
"You look so much like her," Violet said quietly.
"You knew my Aunt Maysilee?" Madge looked surprised.
"She was my best friend," Violet nodded. Prim's brow furrowed.
"What happened to her?" Neither woman answered and Madge shifted uncomfortably.
"Here, Madge. I want you to have your aunt's pin for good luck." She pinned a small gold pin onto Madge's bouquet and Madge studied it closely.
"What is that?"
"That's a mockingjay," Katniss said immediately. "That's beautiful, Mrs. Undersee." Saramae nodded, her lips thin.
"You're about ready, my girl."
"I'm nervous," Madge admitted, chewing her lip. "What if I don't make a good wife?"
"Madge if anyone should be worried about that, it's me. And we all know Rye adores you."
"Peeta has worshipped the ground you walk on since we were kids," Madge rolled her eyes. "But Rye and Peeta are different. What if I do something stupid? Something to upset him?"
"That's marriage, Madge," Violet laughed softly. "Nobody is flawless and no marriage is perfect. You and Ryen are young, so you can learn together."
"Do you love him," Prim asked with a gentle smile. Madge studied her reflection for a moment.
"Yes," she finally said. "I had a bit of a crush on him when we were younger. And I was devastated when I thought something had happened to him. He… he makes me really happy."
"Then that's all that matters," Katniss said, adjusting Madge's sleeve. "So I think you're ready."
"Ok," Madge nodded and stood. Katniss handed her the bouquet and Prim clapped softly.
"After this, we'll be sisters," Madge squeezed Katniss's hand and Katniss squeezed back.
When they came downstairs, the room was full of people. Katniss spotted Peeta standing beside his brother, so she hugged Madge tightly before walking over to him. His eyes widened and traveled up and down her frame.
"Wow."
"That's what you said at our toasting," she laughed as he leaned in to kiss her cheek.
"You...you're...Katniss, you're as radiant as the sun."
"I hoped you would like it."
"I'm afraid you might outshine the bride," he laughed softly in her ear. But Ryen's eyes were locked on his betrothed, who was coming down the staircase, her arm wrapped around her father's. Katniss leaned back against her husband, whose arms wrapped around her waist and held her close. They watched Madge and the Mayor cross the room to Ryen, who looked quite speechless. Katniss saw Bing and April standing next to Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, who both wore happy smiles. Katniss tried not to feel angry that his mother had attended one son's wedding but refused to attend another.
Whatever, she decided. I don't care about her opinion.
Bran Mellark stepped forward with a covered plate and Ryen carefully unwrapped the bread. He and Madge knelt next to the fireplace and he took her hand. They recited their vows, their voices shaking slightly, and toasted their bread. The room erupted into cheers as they fed each other and kissed. Ryen helped his wife up, looking around with a broad smile. Madge turned to Katniss and beckoned her forward.
"Everyone, my new sister has graciously agreed to gift us with her voice on my wedding day." She nodded to Katniss, her wide smile lighting up her face. Katniss took a deep breath and her eyes landed on Peeta. His eyes were brighter than any star she had ever seen.
My darling come to me, set you down easily
and rest awhile by the soft firelight...cold is the night
but warm is my heart with pride
having you by my side
you're still my guiding light
After All These Years
One of the musicians near the back of the room picked up his guitar as Katniss's sweet melody flowed around the room. Peeta's wide eyes never left her face. The music swelled and Katniss closed her eyes, lost in the song.
Your soft assuring ways, the rock I lean on
saw me through my darkest days
when all hope had gone
you're still the only one, I'll ever hold near
and I love you
after all these years
Time from me passes on, and I'm growing old
a lifetime nearly gone, I cannot unfold...nights dark and cold
but warm is your hand in mine, feeble with ageless time
the light of love still shine
After All These Years
When she finished, everyone in the room cheered. Some even wiped tears from their face and Madge threw her arms around her.
"That was so beautiful," she cried in her ear. She smiled and patted Madge's and Rye's joined hands.
"I'm happy for you both."
"Thank you for that, Katniss," Ryen said gratefully. "That was really something." Katniss smiled and rejoined her husband.
"I can't even begin to express how incredible that was." She smiled and buried her face in his neck.
The crowd moved out of the house and into the Mayor's backyard. There were tables and chairs set up with a row of lights overhead. The musicians gathered together in a circle and played lively music. Katniss laughed as she danced with Prim and Madge, feeling Peeta's eyes on her the whole time. He stood with his brothers, all of them sipping champagne and watching their wives dance. Bing whispered something to Ryen and they both laughed but Peeta's eyes were locked on Katniss's swaying form. When the music slowed, she tugged on his hand.
"Come dance with me."
"I'm not miraculously a better dancer since our wedding."
"You aren't bad. Besides, this is a slow song. Just hold me." She tucked herself into his chest and he rested his chin on her hair. His hand rested on her lower back, his fingers itching to slide up her smooth dress and touch even smoother skin.
That dress was doing something to him and having her pressed against him like this was not helping.
She turned around in his arms and wrapped his arm around her waist. She swayed slowly to the music, pressing her ass back against his groin. He groaned in her ear and rested his forehead against her shoulder.
"Katniss, you're killing me here."
"Payback for earlier."
"Oh is that how it's going to be?" His fingers dug into her hip as he thrust forward, teasing her in the most delicious way.
"You knew exactly what this dress would do to me," he whispered, his tongue raking along her ear.
"I hoped it would," she said with a shiver.
"Are you wet for me, Katniss?" She felt weak at the sound of his husky voice in her ear.
"Yes," she whined. He kissed her neck and sucked at her earlobe.
"You want my tongue buried inside you?" She nearly buckled against him. She had never envisioned Peeta as a dirty talker but her panties were soaked right now.
Good lord, who was this silver-tongued ruffian pressing his arousal into her as if he could make love to her through their clothes?
More importantly, who was this hussy who was growing wetter with each word he spoke, wishing he would carry her away and make good on his promises?
"Yes," she said again. "I do." He groaned against her neck, then tugged on her hand. No one said a word as they re-entered the house.
"Meet me upstairs," he muttered before asking someone, loudly, where the bathroom was. Peeta shot her a wink before heading up the stairs and Katniss glanced all around. No one paid her any mind as she tiptoed up the stairs.
A hand shot out of the dark study and pulled her into the room. As soon as he had closed the door as quietly as he could, he turned and pushed her against the door. He had never been this rough before and she should be quite alarmed at this point, she thought to herself. His lips on her neck made all thoughts of reason vanish, however, and he palmed her breast through her dress.
"Peeta-" his finger on her lips made her eyes widen and he leaned down to kiss her, stealing her breath.
"You'll have to be quiet, Katniss, or we'll be caught. Think you can manage that?"
"Yes," she said with a scowl but gasped as she felt his hand slide under her dress. He smirked as he rubbed her through her panties.
"Really? I'm not sure you can."
"I'm a huntress," she snapped. "Of course I can be quiet."
"Alright then." He dropped to his knees and lifted her dress.
"Hold this out of my way." She gripped the material to her chest and watched him anxiously.
"Holy fuck," he muttered and she grinned, knowing he had noticed.
Madge had included something with the dress; a new pair of barely-there underwear. She had wanted to refuse at first (they were not practical in the slightest) but Madge's note had logically explained that it was a tight dress and women wore these panties to avoid lines. Not that she would ever care about such things, but she was curious to see Peeta's reaction.
Judging by the enormous bulge in his slacks, he approved of the gift.
Peeta looked up at her, his eyes darkened by lust. He didn't bother removing the panties; he simply pulled them aside as his tongue dove inside her. She released a high pitched wail as she grabbed his hair.
"Shh," he admonished without removing his face from between her thighs. It was not a time for teasing. Peeta knew they had limited time and he wanted his wife to cum hard on his tongue. He gripped both of her thighs before sliding his hand up her dress and tweaking her nipple.
"Oh! Oh my god Peeta," she panted, biting down on the dress and twisting it between her teeth.
"Cum for me, love," he growled, pushing two fingers inside her. She screamed into her dress and threw her head back against the wall.
"Shit Katniss, are you alright?" He jumped to his feet and cradled her head.
"I'm fine," she panted. "I can't move but I'm fine." He grinned as he leaned in to kiss her, his hardness poking her stomach.
"When we get home, I'm returning the favor in the shower." His eyes sparkled and he leaned in to kiss her again. The television flickered to life and made them jump apart. Katniss dropped her dress and Peeta took a step toward the desk.
"Hey, that's her!"
"That's who?"
"The woman I saw on the Mayor's screen last night. He was in here talking to someone on some kind of device and this came on… that's the same woman."
"You're certain?" Peeta frowned as he approached the TV. The woman was speaking in front of a dilapidated building but she looked calm and quite fierce. She raised her fist into the air and banners and signs waved all around her.
"We need to get out of here."
"But Peeta, what's-"
"Come on." He tugged her from the study and back downstairs. Prim and Madge both shot her knowing glances with upturned lips and Katniss imagined she looked like a mess. But Peeta did not release her hand until they were outside.
"Wait here a moment while I have a word with Darius."
"You're not going to tell me what's going on? Really?"
"Katniss-"
"I'm tired of the secrets, Peeta!"
"I know," he said gently. "I told you, I will tell you everything I can. Just...just let me figure out what is going on." He gently cupped her face and she resisted from jerking away.
"I don't like keeping secrets from you," he whispered. "Not you. But I'll also do anything to keep you safe."
"Including keeping things from me?"
"You can hate me for it," he said sadly, nodding. "But even keeping things from you. I just need you to trust me. Can you do that?" She sighed heavily and crossed her arms. She wanted to say no, that he hadn't given her any reason to trust him.
But that was a lie. In fact, everything he had done, he had done for her. Who could she trust if not Peeta?
"Fine," she sighed reluctantly. He gave her a quick kiss on the temple.
"Stay near Madge or your family. I'll be right back." He rushed off to find Darius and Katniss wandered over to where Madge was giggling with Prim. They truly looked like sisters, with their blonde hair, their azure eyes, and their matching smiles. Even her mother looked like she was enjoying herself, laughing with Bran Mellark (Katniss had no idea where Mrs. Mellark had disappeared to)
"Katty," Prim waved her sister over and squeezed her hand.
"Katniss, I can't thank you enough for all of your help this week," Madge said, taking Katniss's other hand.
"I didn't really do anything."
"But you did! You kept me sane!"
"Do you need any help moving your things to Ryen's house," Prim asked excitedly.
"Oh all three Mellark boys said they would help tomorrow morning. Although Ryen mentioned that Peeta shouldn't be doing any heavy lifting. Did something happen to him, Katniss?" Katniss glanced over at Peeta, who was in conversation with Rye, and cleared her throat. Prim was watching her warily. The make-up had done its job, hiding his bruises but whoever looked close enough could see his slight limp and his pained wince. She knew, however, that he was staying strong and didn't want everyone to know. So she shook her head.
"I think he might have pulled a muscle or something at work. He didn't say anything to me about it."
"Oh, I hope he's ok," Madge bit her lip. "He looks fine to me but he could be faking it. You know how boys are."
"Yeah. I can see all of the Mellark boys being bad about that."
"Ryen was ridiculous about it when we were younger. Then again, so was Peeta. He was the one who always lied about his bruises." Katniss frowned.
"You knew what was really happening?"
"I suspected," she said sadly. "I knew his mother wasn't a pleasant woman, though I never actually saw her hit him. He used to say it was from his wrestling matches. Delly and I talked about it one time and she said she thought his mother was doing it."
"Why did no one say anything? Why didn't anyone do anything about it?"
"I don't know, Katniss," Madge looked guilty. "I guess we were just scared little girls. And Delly had never actually seen it happen either." Katniss had. She remembered that day with the bread, how he had appeared out in the rain with a red weal on his face and two loaves of burned bread in his arms. The day after, his face had swollen and his eye was blackened. She hadn't said anything either.
But Delly and Madge were Merchants, she reasoned, and had been his friends. Someone should have done something.
"He probably would have lied about it anyway," she sighed, shaking her head. "One thing I have learned about Peeta is that he hates to inconvenience people in any way. He's far too forgiving."
"He has such a sweet heart," Madge nodded in agreement. "You two really do make a wonderful couple. And I'm not just saying that because he's my friend, or that I married his brother. I can see how happy you make each other." Prim nodded in agreement and Katniss's eyes drifted back to her husband. He and Rye were talking to Darius, and serious looks had covered their faces. Peeta was shaking his head and Darius seemed to be trying to convince him of something. Katniss hated the look on Peeta's face. She knew he was in pain but he was also worried about something. Who was that woman on the Mayor's screen? What was going on with Darius and Ryen? WHEN would her husband tell her what he knew?
"Katniss?"
"Hm? Sorry," she turned toward Madge and attempted a smile. "I was dozing off, what did you say?"
"Can't keep your eyes off of him, huh," her friend laughed.
"No. I mean, I…"
"Katniss, it's ok," Madge squeezed her arm. "Seriously, why do you think it's such a bad thing to let people know you're in love with him?"
"I'm not in love," she said quickly, taking a step back. Madge and Prim frowned and she shook her head. "That is...I like him. A lot. I mean, he means a lot to me. But love...it's complicated and it's a scary thing and I...I don't…" she huffed and tossed her head. "You said it yourself, Madge. You said love is a fairytale."
"What? When did I say that?"
"At Darius's and Rosalie's wedding! You said love is a fairytale and not to buy into it."
"Oh Katniss. Our husbands essentially returned from the dead! Do you really think those rules still apply?"
"Why do the circumstances change?"
"They just do," Madge said impatiently. "You can deny it all you want but I know that you love him. I'm not saying in what way, I mean, maybe you don't know yourself. But anyone paying attention can see how much you care about him."
"She's right, Katty," Prim said softly. "You light up when he walks into the room. Why are you trying to talk yourself out of it?"
"I'm not talking myself out of anything, duck, I'm just saying that feelings are complicated and love is especially complicated-"
"It doesn't seem that complicated," her sister cut her off, shaking her head. "Peeta makes you laugh. You make him blush. You make each other glow. That seems pretty straightforward to me."
"What makes you think you know anything about love, Prim," she snapped. Prim didn't look affronted, just merely irritated.
"I'm sixteen, Katniss. You need to stop viewing me as a baby." Katniss huffed and shook her head, and Madge leaned against the wall, sighing.
"I won't tell you how you feel, Katniss. Only you know your heart. Just...be honest. With Peeta and with yourself. Don't try to brush off your feelings because you're afraid of being hurt. That's the risk with falling in love." Katniss didn't know what to say. So she muttered that she was thirsty and headed off toward the refreshment table. Prim sighed heavily as she watched her sister's retreating back.
"She's so stubborn."
"Why is she like that, Prim?"
"I think it has something to do with Daddy's death," she said thoughtfully. "She doesn't want to be like Mom. If something happens to Peeta, she doesn't want to fall apart like our mother did when Daddy died. She was a mess and completely unable to take care of herself. Katniss took care of us and she was only 11. She doesn't want history to repeat itself."
"I just hope she sees what she has in front of her before it's too late. She and Peeta are both too stubborn for their own good and they need to stop dismissing their own feelings. They'll wind up driving each other away."
"I heard Peeta talking to my mom last night. He doesn't believe she really loves him." Madge clicked her tongue and shook her head.
"Why would he? If she hasn't admitted it to herself, how would Peeta know how she feels for him?"
"Well Mom tried to tell him but he says if she does feel something for him, it's because of what he's done for her. And he doesn't want that."
"I can understand that," Madge nodded. "He wants it to be real. And he's afraid it never will be."
"The thing is, Katniss has never put her happiness first. She wants everyone else to be safe and happy and she will do anything to make that happen."
"Peeta is the same way," Madge said softly. "When we were kids, Peeta always gave away his lunch if he thought someone else needed it. Which is hard when you're growing up in an impoverished district."
"So how can we make them admit to each other that they really do need each other?"
"I don't think it's something we can do, Prim. I think it's something they have to realize on their own. Let's just hope they figure it out soon. From the looks on the boys' faces, I feel like something big is about to happen. And I have a feeling Peeta is going to be a big part of it. We just have to wait and see if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
Here's a nice long one for you guys! You can tell that trouble is brewing... what do you think of Jacobson's punishment? Agree or disagree with it? We will be heading to the Capitol very soon, so get ready! Have a great week, everyone! XOXOXO
