MAKE UP YOUR MIND
Chapter Three
Trigger warning: Anxiety potions.
After spending most of the night awake thinking about what he should be doing, making several lists of pros and cons, Harry informed his healer he was willing to start on the potions treatment, much to her delight. She wasted no time, and started experimenting with various potions and doses that very same day.
The first round of potions was making Harry literally bounce off the walls, his whole body vibrating with inability to stay still, so much so in fact that by the time the potions wore off he realized he was both exhausted and covered in bruises. The next round didn't make him bounce like a rubber ball all over the place but it did leave him grinning like an idiot and drooling over himself. It took about a week and a half to get the potions sorted, and Harry couldn't have been happier when he finally managed to feel like his old self again.
He was released from the hospital shortly after, with a case of potions to last him a month, a prescription for a refill at the apothecary and strict orders for Remus to make sure Harry was taking his potions regularly. He also got a follow-up appointment for two months ahead. Harry was so eager to test his new found freedom from the Fear that he insisted on taking Remus out for ice-cream. His initial idea was to go to Florean Fortescue's, but Remus gently managed to turn him off that particular idea. It was all good and well to have the old Harry back but that didn't mean he'd have to test how well his potions were working smack down in the heart of the magical community. The two ended up in a small muggle café not far from the hospital, where Harry was feeling so happy and carefree he even managed to flirt a little with the waitress, insisting he was just being polite when he saw Remus' smirk.
The rest of the summer Harry spent testing the limits of his potions. He knew the easiest solution would be to use glamours or even polyjuice potion, but he hated the formers and his healer forbade him to use the latter while on the potions, besides, he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life pretending he was somebody else- he's worked too hard to become who he was now, and he was actually liking himself more these days. At least he liked himself well enough not to want to hide behind an assumed identity. So far he discovered he didn't mind much going into muggle areas, especially those in smaller towns where there was less of a chance someone would recognize him. Going to the Weasleys was no longer a chore but a happy weekly event. He even ventured into London with Remus once, reaching all the way to the entrance of the Leaky Cauldron before his courage failed him. But that too was alright, because as Remus had said, that was just asking for trouble.
By the end of August Harry was more than ready to go back to school, see his friends and start his life. He's been seeing most of his friends during that month, even Draco, who was dragged out of his manor by Seamus to meet the gang in London, grumbling and complaining the whole time about having to spend time with Gryffindors. But the one Harry missed the most was Hermione. After spending so much time alone together the past year the two formed a bond that was much stronger than Harry even realized and now, having to deal with all he's been dealing all summer without his best friend was quite hard. But Hermione was scheduled to return from Australia only two days before the start of term and Harry knew he wouldn't be able to see her before they met on the train.
When September first finally arrived Harry was glad for the change in pace, excited to go back to some sort of normality and routine, but mostly he was nervous as to what would happen when he crossed the barrier to platform nine and three-quarters, which was going to be the first time since the battle that he was going to be in a strictly magical environment, alongside a lot of other magical folk. He knew that his friends will be there for him, forming a physical barrier if needed, and that Remus was going to watch his every step like a hawk, and while he took comfort in the thought, he couldn't rid himself of the nerves completely.
Standing in front of the barrier that separated the magical and muggle train stations Harry took a deep breath, knowing that if he chickened out now there was no going back. Remus placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, giving the teen an encouraging smile, which Harry returned feebly then bravely stepped through the barrier, before he lost his nerve completely.
The platform was already quite full with students of all ages, all of them standing with parents and family and chatting. No one seemed to notice the new arrival and Harry let out a small sigh of relief. His relief changed almost instantly to panic when someone pounced on him, hugging him tight before he realized it was Hermione. With his heart beating a mile a minute Harry returned the hug, squeezing his friend at tightly as he could, before she pulled back a little and gave him a slightly watery smile,
"Oh gods Harry, it's so good to see you!" She cried happily, "You look good!" Harry blushed a little as she pushed him to arm length and checked out his new wardrobe. He had chosen to go with fitted jeans, that were not too tight, so that he could run if he was swamped with fans again- he was not going to faint this time! And a dark green T-shirt that Tonks insisted brought out his eyes. It was so weird having people comment on his appearance, usually they just looked at him with pity every time he showed up with his enormous cousin's bags of fabric. But now, every time he stepped into 'The Burrow' he was greeted with cat-calls and wolf-whistles and while at first it made him want to hide under the table he gradually learned to accept them and even twirl around for his audience's amusement.
"You too, you've got a great tan." Hermione smiled wide and gave a little curtsy and they both laughed.
"I'm so sorry I've been gone most of the summer, I missed you like crazy, and I feel so bad for leaving you to deal with everything on your own, are you okay?" She said all in one breath and Harry shrugged,
"I'm okay, it was a bit rough for a while, but I'm good." Hermione seemed relieved to hear that, and looping her arm in Harry's she started leading him through the station to where Seamus was standing with Parvati, Dean and Hannah. Harry smiled when he saw Seamus, who was in the middle of explaining something to his friends, his hands flying as he spoke. Whenever Seamus was telling a story his whole body was participating in the telling, not just his mouth, and it was always fun to watch.
When he reached his friends he was immediately enveloped in a four way bear hug, Harry was laughing breathlessly as his body was squashed in from all sides. He stood there and chatted to his friends for a bit, checking the barrier to see who was coming in. The whole bunch watched as Draco crossed the barrier alongside Blaise and Pansy, the three of them looking around them trying to project the same air of arrogance and snobbishness as before but failing rather miserably. Hermione sighed in exasperation and walked over, physically dragging Pansy back to the group, leaving Draco and Blaise to trail behind. It was pretty clear things have turned 180 degrees for the house of Slytherin, and while the younger years were more likely to adapt faster, it was pretty hard for the only three eight-years.
Harry kept watching the barrier with trepidation, wondering what will happen when the Weasleys finally showed up. Will Ron even be talking to him? Should he be talking to Ron? After all, he's been coming to Friday dinners at Ron's place for about a month now and they haven't been alone once, mostly because Ron would slink out of the room whenever he realized he might be left alone with Harry. He hated to think his best friend of seven years was completely lost to him, but on the other hand, it takes two to work on a friendship and Ron didn't seem to be pulling much weight either.
Looking around him he realized he was standing between Hermione and Seamus, Hermione's arm looped through his while Seamus' hand was resting on the small of his back. He knew that if he questioned them they'd both say they were only doing this to protect him and possibly apparate him to safety if something happened but he knew better. Hermione was just happy to see him after so long, and this, while quite a-typical for her, was her way of showing how much she missed him. And Seamus, well, he was just tactile by nature, as Harry learned during their seven years of living together, he would always touch and hug and put his arm round people's shoulders, mostly without even noticing he was doing that.
When they were younger Harry found it rather disconcerting- he was never overly used to touch and his natural reaction to people touching him was flinching, but around third year he stopped doing that, mostly because of Seamus' casual touches and Remus, Molly and then Sirius who felt compelled to fill the hugs quota Harry missed as a child. By now he didn't really care anymore, not that he'd let anyone who wasn't close to him touch him but when his friends did, he basked in their physical contact rather than push them away.
Looking over at Seamus Harry smiled, suddenly realizing that while he was stressing about Ron drifting away from him he was subconsciously drawing nearer to the Irish boy and at this point in his life, it seemed that Seamus has become his best friend without even trying too hard, and Harry found out he really liked that idea, because being friends with Seamus was so much easier than being friends with Ron ever was. Seamus was fun and carefree and he didn't have Ron's issues with proving himself to his parents and the world and truth be told, Harry was getting a little tired of Ron's insecurities. After all, it wasn't his fault that his life took the course they had, and if he could he'd switch places with Ron in a heartbeat- having a normal childhood with loving parents and family. But Ron never seemed to understand Harry's aversion of fame and his insistence that he wasn't anything special, and Harry got fed up with explaining it to him.
When the Weasley family finally showed up, Harry tensed, watching Ron walking through the barrier with a sulk on his face. Harry wasn't sure if it was because Ron considered himself above this ritual of showing up for the train- especially since he complained quite often at the unfairness of the eight-year students not allowed to apparate straight to Hogsmede instead of riding the train with the lesser years. Or maybe it was just because he was forced to spend another year in school and finish at the same time as his baby sister. Speaking of his baby sister, Harry watched in trepidation as Ginny sauntered into the platform, flashing a million galleons smile in every direction and flipping her hair fetchingly behind her shoulder. Harry wanted to roll his eyes at his girlfriend's dramatics but had little chance as she just spotted him and plastered herself to his side, pushing the arms of Hermione and Seamus off of him none too gently and turned him slightly to the left so that they were both facing the crowd. Harry decided not to comment on her behavior right now, but he knew he'd have to catch her alone for a little chat about her desire for fame. It was one thing giving out interviews to whoever was willing to hear her but it was quite another to drag him into this charade alongside her. Luckily for him the train let out a sharp whistle just then, indicating the student should start boarding. Harry quickly slipped while Ginny was still busy posing for the masses and boarded the train, looking for the carriage his friends were in.
The train ride itself was rather pleasant, and Harry spent it mostly catching up with the friends he didn't see all summer, like Hermione, Justin and others. He took a little trip to stretch his legs at some point, peeking into the other carriages to see what went there. He could easily spot the ones who held first years, the nervous glances and timid introduction that blossomed to awkward conversations were a tall-tell sign of new students and Harry smiled to himself, thinking about his first train ride to Hogwarts. He saw Ginny in one of the carriages, sitting regally while the assembled students looked at her in awe. Harry shook his head in disgust, but was very pleased that he wasn't in there as well. It seemed like Ginny was doing a mighty job upholding her social status and she didn't really need his awkwardness to ruin her performance, and that was just fine with Harry.
Later Harry sat at the Gryffindor table, surrounded by his friends all laughing and chattering. He missed this place dearly, and he was so happy to see that during the summer Headmistress McGonagall managed to restore it to its former glory. The Great Hall looked just as it did before the war, as did the Entrance Hall and the grounds, from what Harry could see in the fading daylight before entering the castle. He looked up at the Head table, noting that most of his former professors returned to take their jobs, even Snape was back, looking sour as ever and grumbling at something that Remus whispered to him, though Harry was pretty sure the dark potions master was making a valiant effort to hold back a smile. It was so good to see Remus back in school, teaching DADA again and Harry knew that every student in the hall who ever had the fortune of being taught by Remus was also mightily happy to see him again.
Harry was actually pretty glad most of the staff remained the same, it was much easier than having to learn to deal with a whole new bunch of teachers, and it seemed that apart from Remus, who wasn't strictly a new teacher there one other, professor Orchidee Lindstrom, as the Headmistress introduced her, who was to take McGonagall's place as the transfiguration professor. Luckily, the duty of Head of Gryffindor house fell on Remus, much to the delight of his house.
When the feast was over Headmistress McGonagall rose from her chair, beaming at the sea of students before her. After everything they've been through, she was so glad they could reopen the school and return to some sort of normality. The kids, especially the young ones needed the stability that a school offered, but reopening Hogwarts was also a symbol to all the Magical community that the war was indeed over and that they were ready to return to the routine that peaceful times offered.
"Good evening, my dear students." She called out loudly, waiting for the hubbub of chattering to cease, "These past couple of years had been very difficult for us all, and I would like for all of us to take a moment to remember the brave witches and wizards who gave their lives in the war against the dark forces and gave us all a chance for a better future." The Headmistress lowered her head, and every teacher and student in the hall followed her example to respect the fallen.
Harry took a deep breath through his nose, and squeezed his eyes shut. He, more than any other student in here, knew what sacrifices were made to ensure the war was won, and he, more than any other student in the hall, and in fact more than any witch or wizard in Britain felt responsible for each and every death. A soft hand squeezed his knee and he turned his head to see Seamus giving him a small encouraging smile. Harry blinked and let out the air from his lungs, returning the smile and feeling a whole lot better all of a sudden.
Headmistress McGonagall looked at the bowed heads before her, trying to swallow around the lump that was forming in her throat. It still felt wrong to her to be sitting in this place that was rightfully Albus', and addressing the student body in his place. But Albus was dead and he wasn't coming back and she had a job to do, it was what Albus wanted, she knew, but sometimes it was still hard to accept. Pulling herself back together she cleared her throat and smiled at her students once the minute of silence was over, "I am most delighted to welcome all of you back to the new and everlasting Hogwarts." Cheers erupted from the entire hall and most of the kids clapped happily. No matter what was going in the outside world, and no matter how dire the circumstances, Hogwarts was always there, and McGonagall vowed to herself that as long as she held the reigns of the school she would never let such atrocities as last year to happen to her beloved school again. "Tomorrow you will begin another year of school, and I pray and hope this year will be both educational and full of happy memories for all of you." She smiled wide as the students cheered again, it was a good sign and she was pleased to see that all of them were ready to put the horrible past behind them. "I will now ask the Prefects to escort the first years to their new dorms, and the rest of you to follow suit, except the class of 'Eighth year', who are requested to stay behind."
With that she sat back down and waited for the chaos of hoards of students leaving the hall to subside. She surveyed the eighth year class, noting with a pang of sadness that not all chose to return- the largest group to come back were of course the Gryffindors, who showed up in full ranks, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were almost all there but the Slytherin house was almost entirely absent, with only three students returning. She had spoken with the parents of each child and knew that most students from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff that decided not to return went on to finish their last year in other magical schools, mainly Beauxbatons and that those who didn't return from Slytherin were either dead, imprisoned or not interested in finishing their proper education. Eventually she shook herself from her sad thoughts and smiled at the remaining children in the hall,
"First of all, I would like to congratulate those who decided to continue with us this year, you are most welcome back." She smiled at the teens who cheered loudly, "The staff and I have thought long and hard how to make this work for you since our classes are pretty much full. Therefore you are going to be studying your basic NEWTS together as a group, but the elective additional NEWTS will be learned with the Seventh years. Also, there is no room for you in the existing dorms and therefore we've decided to put you all in the east tower, where you shall have your own accommodation." A loud cheer went up at her last words, all the students looking rightfully excited about having their own quarters. Headmistress McGonagall smiled briefly, knowing that her next words were going to be even more exhilarating for her pupils, "In addition to your own quarters you shall be divided into pairs, each pair shall receive a room of their own." At that the hall nearly exploded with cheers, and the Headmistress was slightly shocked at how much noise 28 teens could make. She could see people gesturing one another if they'd like to share a room and smiled slightly, well, this was the hard part, and she did not expect it to go down smoothly.
"We have taken the liberty of pairing you already." She informed the excited crowd and true to her prediction the noise level dropped significantly to indicate the students' disapproval. The Headmistress allowed a few moments of grunting and growling before she raised her hand again to quiet the hall. "The pairs of roommates have been chosen so that each person is to share a room with a person from another house. The staff and I believe that you have been through enough by now to know that the other houses are not the enemy and that if we work together we can achieve great things." The crowd of teenagers didn't seem all that inspired by her words but she knew it didn't matter, because most of them were actually getting along just fine, and besides, they were all going to be stuck in the same common room for the upcoming year so what difference did it make who they shared a room with. Lifting a sheet of parchment from the table the Headmistress began to call out names.
"Seamus Finnigan and Draco Malfoy," The two boys looked at each other and grinned, no matter who the other pairs were, theirs was going to be the most fabulous, fun room in the whole tower. "Ron Weasley and Justin Finch-Fletchly," An array of emotions crossed Ron's face before settling on 'It could be worse' acceptance, "Hermione Granger and Padma Patil," Hermione's face broke into a huge smile and she turned to Parvati who was seated next to her to whisper something in her ear, the Indian girl nodding vigorously in assent.
Harry was biting his lip, wondering who he was going to get. The fact that Malfoy was already sorted was a huge load off his mind, because even though they've buried the hatchet and were almost friends these days he really didn't feel like spending his last year shacking up with Malfoy. Headmistress McGonagall continued rattling names off her list, Dean and Ernie, Blaise and Anthony, Lavender with Mandy and on and on and Harry was starting to feel like he was going to be left alone in the end. Even though he knew that the pairs have already been made and that even if he was last it didn't mean nobody wanted him a little goblin of doubt was starting to grin evilly in his mind, because this felt a lot like primary school all over again when Dudley threatened the other kids if they actually chose Harry for their team. He was losing track of the names, descending into his little dark cloud of despair when finally the Headmistress called out,
"Harry Potter and Michael Corner." Harry looked up at the Ravenclaw table and smiled shyly at Michael. Michael gave Harry a small smile in return, pushing his glasses up his nose before he turned back to the book he was reading. Harry wasn't sure what to make of the other teen, he couldn't remember ever having a conversation with the guy before but Michael was in the D.A. so he can't be all bad. Besides, if the fact he couldn't tear himself away from his book even for the opening feast meant something then he could only hope that Michael's studiousness will rub off on him. Harry rolled his eyes at himself, gods he sounded like Hermione... Let's try that again, he told himself firmly- If the fact that Michael couldn't tear himself away from his book even for the opening feast meant something then Harry could only hope that he would spend most of his time in the library and that will leave Harry with a room mostly to himself. There, that was much better! Harry bit his lip to hide a smile at the thought.
When the Headmistress finally read the last names out and dismissed them the whole eighth year got up to leave the Great Hall and make their way to their new tower where they met their guarding portrait, a beautiful, tall and very pale woman with long dark hair, blood crimson lips and a very plunging neckline who introduced herself as Lady Lavinia de Morigen, bowing deep and causing quite a few students to blush and avert their eyes, and told them their first password of the year was 'Ebony toads'.
Harry walked into his new room with a wide smile. The room was large enough to accommodate two four-posters beds, two fairly large desks and a wardrobe that was definitely big enough for two boys who mostly wore school uniforms. To the side of the door stood a small sink so that they didn't have to go all the way to the common showers just to brush their teeth, or get a drink of water. After all this time sharing with four other boys this was pure luxury.
He quickly changed into his night clothes, closing the door against the noise in the common room, as teens came in and out of their rooms to share new discoveries (the most joyous one was that boys could actually get into the girls' dorms without a broom). Snuggling into his blankets, the last thought that passed through Harry's mind was- this is going to be a great year!
