A/N: I know you all are really excited for the plot to become more apparent, but I'm still working on setting the groundwork for it and slowly incorporating things that will become largely important. I promise these chapters are a bit portion of the plot and it will all make sense in hindsight. Once again, thank you for all the reviews and please continue letting me know your thoughts on the story!
Trigger warning: aftermath of assault, panic attacks, etc
Chapter 9 – Hunting (BPOV)
"Pathetic." Emmett shakes his head, gesturing wildly toward the game on the TV. "Bella, this has to be the dumbest game I've ever seen."
It was strange that Emmett was being so easy-going right now, watching TV like he normally would have done before the attack. Everyone else seemed so wound up – when they were home, which was rare.
Today it seemed that Carlisle and Esme did nothing but encourage me to eat or drink water, or they wanted me to get up and walk around or sleep. Alice had been hiding upstairs for hours before quietly placing herself at my feet to stare at nothing for several more hours. Jasper followed her – hugging the walls as he moved around the house. He always stayed close to control the atmosphere, and I welcome the calming waves Jasper let wash over the room.
And Edward was Edward, but the emotion-concealed Edward. He was the one who almost never touched me and talked in a bleak voice that made me feel numb.
It was strange that the lives of the Cullen family seemed entirely revolved around me now.
Emmett was the most easy-going of all his family members. I imagined he might be just as serious as the rest of them when the time called for it, considering that's how he was when James decided to make me his next target. But now, here he was, screaming at the TV and trying to explain the stupidity of football moves as if the world wasn't tense and suffocating around us.
"I can coach a team better than that any day, Bella." He was yelling, threatening to change the channel to something worth his time. No was reacted to his boisterous noise or ridiculous behavior in such a stressful time. It seemed like no one cared, or no one even realized it was happening.
"I don't understand football, Emmett." Was the only response I could give him after his numerous comments pointed directly at me.
"Well, obviously! No one can understand football when it's being played like this." Emmett rolls his eyes theatrically, tossing the remote onto the table. The hard plastic cracks heartily against the oak. He turns his whole body away from the game, right toward me. "Bells,"
I flinch at the use of my nickname. No one had called me that recently, though I was unsure of why it bothered me. I didn't want the memories to infiltrate my brain, but a significant part of me wondered if he had ever used it and bridged an unconscious negative association with the name.
Emmett hesitates for a split second, and then continues talking. "the quarterback is the most important player on the field, and they just pushed him out of the game!"
I pick up a small piece of the croissant that Alice had given to me hours ago. My hand is shaking, and I can see Emmett watching how the croissant trembles. I suddenly feel exceptionally self-conscious and drop the croissant back onto the plate.
I wouldn't be able to eat it anyway. I wasn't hungry, even if my nausea was subsiding slowly over time.
"That doesn't make a lot of sense."
"Exactly!" Emmett groans, shaking his head again. "When you're a vampire, I'll teach you how to play real football, Bella."
I don't miss the way Edward hisses at Emmett and the way Emmett rolls his eyes in response. Edward was still not on board with my transformation, apparently. Even an attack like this wouldn't change his stubborn mind. Emmett turns his back to Edward, clearly ignoring his brother's irritation and focusing on me.
"I'm serious, Bella. This is possibly the worst game I've ever seen – and I've seen a lot." Emmett grins and I can't help but smile at his enthusiasm. I have missed Emmett and his ridiculously fun behavior. His booming voice rarely shook the house the way it did now.
"You should play, Emmett." I grin. "Major leagues."
Emmett snorts. "That's baseball, Bells." I don't flinch when he uses my nickname this time, and it seems to please him. "You mean the NFL."
"Oh." I can feel my face go hot, and Emmett grins.
"Playing myself doesn't seem fair to the humans." Emmett chuckles. "With their slow brains and frail bodies. . ."
"That's rude."
"It's true. I also wouldn't be able to rise too high up in the ranks, otherwise someone might notice." He flashes his teeth, obviously insinuating his vampire nature. "Where's the fun in staying mediocre?"
"Don't forget the blood from injuries and stuff. . ."
"Precisely." Emmett grabs the remote, switching the channel to something new. "You like hockey, Bella?"
"Never watched it."
Emmett makes a face at me, clearly horrified. "Watch this, you uninformed kid."
I turn my eyes to the TV, watching large-bodied men skating around with sticks. I understood the basics of hockey: get the puck into the other team's goal. But that was it. My mind seemed too blank to work out the intricacies of the sport and the motions that made Emmett shake his head in disgust.
"Jacob Black is coming." Edward groans after a moment of silence. I pull my eyes away from the TV, swallowing thickly as I watched Edward's face morph into complete annoyance.
Edward mutters something under his breath, standing up suddenly.
I follow suit, sitting up slowly. Confusion and excitement poured through me, and then gratitude that my movement didn't make my body hurt the way it normally would. My body was finally healing, it seemed.
Jacob had come several days ago but I hadn't heard from him since, other than Charlie bringing some pasta Jake had made for me.
Somehow, Edward looks even more irritated than before as he stalks toward the front door.
"What does the dog want now?" Emmett mumbles, standing up.
"Be nice, Emmett." I say, pulling myself up to stand. It was difficult – trying to force my whole weight off the couch when my ribs still ached. I had only one hand to push myself up with, which was disastrous. Emmett shakes his head at me, making a quiet comment about fragile human bodies, pulling me up.
"Here." Emmett grabs the throw blanket I had been previous buried under, wrapping it around my shoulders. "Don't freeze outside."
"It's April, Emmett." I snap at him, but I wrap my arms around the blanket anyway because I know I'll need it and because it's still warm from my body heat. If anything, the blanket helps hide the way my body trembles weakly as I stand.
"Would you stay inside if I asked you to?" Edward asks me, his voice tight and his expression upset.
"I'm not staying inside."
Edward groans, shaking his head at me. "Of course not." His face is hard as he walks to the door and I, much slower, stumble after him.
"You could have called." Edward's voice is like steel razors.
I'm about to berate Edward for his tone when Jacob responds in a voice that makes me recoil.
"I don't have any leeches on my speed dial." Jacob crosses his arms over his bare muscled chest.
My heart pounds in my chest. Was he not here to spend time with me? Had he come to fight with Edward?
"What's going on?" I ask Edward, looking between Jacob's angered stance and Edward's. Neither one of them looks at me. I can't help the sudden interruption of panic that grips at my heart, squeezing it painfully.
"Can we discuss this later?" Edward questions impatiently. Jacob snorts and Edward takes a deep, calming breath. "I already know what you came to say. Message delivered. Consider us warned."
"Warned?" I whisper, looking at Edward. Edward glances down at me for a second with worried eyes, and I think he must have heard the panicked pace of my heart in my chest. "What are you talking about?"
Jacob's glare is full of loathing, and Edward's expression is just as cruel.
Dizziness shakes my frame. I reach for something – anything – to hold me steady but nothing was close enough. Edward's hand latches onto my arm, holding me upright.
"You didn't tell her?" Jacob's voice is loud, incredulous. "What, were you afraid she'd take our side? Manipulative . . ." I miss the rest of the words he says. My rushing of blood is loud in my ears.
"Please drop it, Jacob." Edward's voice is much more level, much more controlled than Jacob's is. Edward is good at that.
"Why?"
"Edward, what don't I know?" I sounded like I was gasping. Edward doesn't respond to me. He glares at Jacob.
"Jake?" I turn to Jacob, desperate for answers.
Jacob raises an eyebrow at me, seemingly smug. "He didn't tell you that his . . . brother crossed the line last night?" he asks, his tone thick with sarcasm and . . . pride. Jacob turns his eyes from me to Edward.
"Let's not forget what yours did." Edward hisses.
"What?" My stomach churns. Why? Why, why, why? Why couldn't they just get along?
"Paul was totally justified in –"
"It was no man's land!" Edward growls at him. His grip tightens on my arm, and I can feel his control slipping again. "Emmett never crossed the border."
"Was not!"
"Emmett and Paul?" I whisper. The panic is coursing through me much faster now and I know my heart isn't going to relax. Paul was the most volatile of the pack, he was the one who always lost control. "What happened? Were they fighting? Did Paul get hurt?"
Emmett was just inside with me, joking around. Why hadn't he mentioned any of this to me?
"No one fought." Edward says quietly, brushing his hand over my cheek. He turns to Jacob, seething. "If you truly believed the treaty was broken, you would have come with back-up. Go back to your pack of pups while you're ahead."
"Edward,"
He looks at me again, his expression softening. "No one got hurt. Don't panic, please, Bella."
"You didn't tell her anything, did you?" Jacob demands angrily. "Why haven't you told her?"
"Edward." His name slips from my lips even though I don't want it to. I sound pathetic. . . Needy and weak and I hate myself for it.
Edward presses his hand a bit harder against my skin, reminding me that he is right next to me.
"Leave now." Edward's voice is menacing. I'm sure I would have fallen if it wasn't for Edward's grip on my arm. "Bella, breathe, love." He's holding me around my waist, his cold hand cupping my face. "You're safe here. Nothing happened."
I can't seem to keep myself still and I sway uneasily in his arms. I can't hear anything over the sound of my lungs dragging air through my lips, but it seemed as if there was no air left in the world for me to breathe in at all.
"You don't think Bella has a right to know?" Jacob snaps, challenging Edward. "It's her life."
Edward growls at him and the sound brings me closer to the brink of an attack. I couldn't tell if the shaking beneath me was from my own legs or Edward. I've never seen Edward shake – that was usually a wolf trait.
"Why should she be panicked when she wasn't in any danger, mongrel?"
"Better frightened than lied to."
"Do you really think frightening her is better than protecting her?" Edward is barely speaking to Jacob now. His eyes are only on me as he continues to stroke my cheek, encouraging me to calm down.
"She's tougher than you think, and she's been through worse."
Abruptly, Edward's fake calm expression contorts into one of pain. I couldn't help the way my memories flashed to Jane's ghastly gift being used on Edward in Volterra and the way his body cringed in agony against the marble tiles.
"Edward?" I whisper, shocked. He grimaces, hiding a wince, looking back at me.
"It's nothing, Bella." He murmurs, pressing his lips to my forehead. I shudder under his touch, remembering that his lips were not the only ones to touch my skin. "Jacob just has a good memory, that's all."
"Jacob, that's enough." I snap at him, braver than I could imagine. Jacob shrugs, though his grin never falters.
"The treaty stands until you leeches break it."
"We wouldn't dare, Jacob." Carlisle's smooth voice is so close that I jump. I wasn't sure when he had come.
"Sam said to keep off our land." Jacob says finally, his voice hard.
"Keep off ours." Edward retorts, just as harsh. Jacob turns, without another word or glance, and disappears into the forest.
"Bella," Edward turns towards me now, his expression concerned.
"What did you keep from me?" I demand, wanting my voice to be strong, but it was pathetically weak.
"Don't worry about it, Bella, please." Edward begs, brushing my cheeks. I didn't realize I had started crying.
"Tell her, Edward." Rosalie's voice is sharp behind me, and I turn, shocked by her sudden presence. Rosalie was nearly always gone, which was entirely normal for her. She didn't like me before the attack and there was no reason for her to like me now.
I twist my head around, trying to see who else had come that I didn't know of. It appeared it was just Rosalie and Carlisle.
"She's not well." Edward responds.
Rosalie offers me a look that I am not sure how to process – not anger or hatred, but nothing remotely warm either. "She deserves to know."
Edward sighs, pressing the bridge of his nose. "She's on the verge of having a panic attack, Rosalie, now is not the best time."
"We tracked a scent, Bella." Rosalie says, defiantly. Her voice cool and level. "It's not the one from your room, but it was one none of us recognized and it was near your house." I shudder beneath Edward's hands as Rosalie mentions my home. "We chased the scent and found the vampire, but they were playing with the boundary line almost like they were reading it from a map. The mutts thought Emmett crossed the line and they reacted defensively, and so we did, too."
Her voice is calm, even. I listen to her every word, hanging onto it to keep my panic at bay.
"That's all that happened." She tells me with a small nod. "No fights, no one got hurt. The mutts have been overly sensitive for no reason, but I'm sure it will fade with time."
I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling the Earth steady around me.
"See, Bella, nothing to worry about." Rosalie offers me a small smile, and I'm so relieved that I return it.
Nothing happened. There was no fight with the wolves. No one was hurt. Not Emmett, not Paul, not the vampire they were after . . . I could feel the blood draining out of my face and the edges of my vision slowly going dark.
"You're tracking him?"
I can't wait for Edward to come for me. I can't wait for your coven leader to find me. His words play like a broken record. His voice scratching and repeating. . . Replaying words I've already heard a thousand times in my dreams, in my memories, in my panic when Edward touches me the wrong way.
I'm thankful, then, for Edward holding me up because I can't feel my legs.
I'm so excited to meet your coven, Bella. . . I need them to come after me.
I'm aware of the soft touches of someone's fingers in my hair before anything else. Then, quiet murmuring around me before the voices become clearer. Edward's upset and panicked tone against Carlisle's soft and calm one. Alice reassuring everyone with words I can't make out, and Emmett swearing he'll give him what he deserves.
"You can't!" my voice seems muffled by something, but my eyes flash open and I'm starring into the eyes of Edward.
I need them to come after me.
"Bella." His voice is relieved. "You fainted."
"No, Edward, you have to stop." I tell him, frantic despite my exhaustion. I want to sit up, to tell him never to track any scent ever again, but my body is so tired. The air was so, so thick and so hard to breathe.
"What?" He responds, his brows drawn quizzically. He puts his hands up where I can see them. "I'm not touching you, Bella."
"No, no. You'll get hurt. Please."
"Relax, Bella. We're not trying to pick fights with the mutts." Emmett tells me loudly and I cringe against his voice, my head throbbing violently at the base. He shoots me an apologetic smile.
I can't wait for Edward to come for me. I can't wait for your coven leader to find me.
"You can't." I whisper, almost hysterically. "You can't hunt him."
"Ha!" Emmett scoffs. "Bella, we can take him. Have some faith."
"No, no, no. You don't understand." I whimper, mostly from the pain that's throbbing in my skull. Emmett should not talk anymore. My heart was being squeezed by the same panic as earlier.
"What are you talking about, Bella?" Alice demands, pulling my attention to her. She's sitting beside Rosalie on the couch.
"Is your head hurting you, Bella?" Carlisle asks me, pressing his cold fingers to my wrist. I shake my head, trying to push his hands away.
"Carlisle, please."
"Tell me what you need." Carlisle says, gently probing me for more details.
"I . . I. ." My voice falters as I stare at Carlisle, then Edward and Alice and Rosalie and Emmett and Esme and Jasper. The beautiful, pale and concerned faces of my family. How would they react if they knew someone had been planning their deaths and it all started with me?
The air around me seemed to be getting thinner despite my earlier difficulty with it being too thick and my thoughts frantically sweep through the months that the Cullens had deserted Forks. They didn't take me last time; I doubt they would this time.
I can't wait for Edward to come for me. I can't wait for your coven leader to find me.
"Bella, you're safe." I can hear Carlisle's gentle voice over the sound of my beating heart. It's loud in my ears, blood pounding over my eardrums.
No. I'm not. Not as long as he's being tracked. Not as long as he's alive. But you can't kill him – he'll kill you.
My mind races and I want to say it all to Carlisle – to beg him not to let the others hunt, to tell him to use his rarely-touched authority and put an end to this. But my tongue is frozen.
"Tell us why we can't track him." Carlisle presses.
"I. . . can't. I'm sorry." I'm not sure if the words I say make any sense or if I've even said them out loud.
Every word spoken feels ingrained in my brain but so slippery at the same time. I can't seem to process the sight of my family around me, standing in concern. I can see Carlisle before me, holding a glass of water that somehow appeared. I can see Edward, with Alice holding his arm to her body. I can almost see the concern, etched on all their faces, radiating off them like glassy heat waves on the Phoenix asphalt. I can feel the sun scorching my face, but the chilly air of Forks freezing me at the same time.
I can't seem to help the shivers that are covering my body, making my ribs hurt and stopping my lungs from doing anything they are supposed to be doing.
I need them to come after me.
"Breathe, Bella, breathe."
The words are in my ears, loud and like knives poking into my skull. Words uttered to me weeks ago and words uttered to me seconds ago. They blend together.
Why won't any of this end? Why must everyone I love be destroyed and taken from me? Why, Edward, are you freely running into the dangerous grasp of the person who did this to me, who promised me that he would kill you all one by one by one until you were all gone? Until everything and everyone I love is desolate.
"Let me give you some medicine, sweetheart." Carlisle says. He's in front of me. Crouching down, his eyes level with mine. His eyes full of emotion I can't decipher.
I can't sleep now. Not with my heart about to explode from my chest and my head collapsing under the pressure atop it.
"Bella, why can't we hunt him?" Jasper asks, stepping forward. I can feel his influence, calming my heart and slowing my mind.
"You can't."
"Why?" Jasper presses, taking another step toward me. "What did he say to you?"
I can't wait for Edward to come for me. I can't wait for your coven leader to find me.
A snarl erupts from somewhere in the room making my heart skip a beat. I cover my ears with my hands, feeling my head pound harder. Each pound sends a blur of red statics over my vision.
I'm so excited to meet your coven, Bella.
"Jasper." Esme says, her voice muffled. "She's not well."
I need them to come after me
"Don't hunt. . .." I'm not sure I've spoken the words, or if it's just me trying to gasp in the smallest amount of oxygen to quench the thirst in my body.
He's going to kill them. He's going to kill them all. My family. Mine.
"Bella, your pulse is too fast. You're anxious. Please, trust me, Bella." Carlisle was pleading. "Let me give you something."
Jasper was pleading. "Tell me, Bella, what he said to you."
"I don't remember." I cringe away, pulling my wrist from Carlisle's fingers. He lets me go, his cool hands receding as I do.
"Think, Bella. It's important. We have to find him."
I had to know what he did to me so they knew what he did to me so they could hunt him and he could kill them. I glance around to each of the pale faces feeling a spark of resentment. It was because of them he didn't just kill me. It was because of them he let me fight before knocking me out.
I flinch, feeling the needle bite into my stomach. I yank in a scorching breath of air, pressing my palm to my hip. Nothing was there. Not now. Not anymore.
I need you to tell them Bella.
As much as the resentment burned, so did the desire to protect them.
"I don't remember."
"Bella," Jasper starts again.
"Jasper, lay off." Emmett interrupts. I see through spotted images as Emmett takes Jasper's arm. The sound after is as loud as a thunderclap – Jasper shoving Emmett away from him. Emmett crashing into the wall, looking mutinous. Jasper turning on me again.
He looks like a vampire. His eyes wild, his face determined. He looks like a monster.
I cringe away, my back hitting something behind me. A loud shriek fills my eyes as fear floods through me. I twist around, my ribs screaming, realizing it's only the cushions behind me.
"Bella," Carlisle reaches for me, squeezing my hands softly. "You trusted me, remember? You know I won't harm you. You know I won't be negligent with your medication."
"No."
"Let me give you enough to help you relax." Carlisle insists. "You're having a panic attack. You need help."
"No."
My chest hurt. My head hurt. Make it stop. Make it stop.
My lungs seared with every breath. Edward kneels in front of me, his face fuzzy. His eyes pained.
"Bella, look at me. You're home. No one is going to harm you here." He's whispering to me.
I can't, I want to say. But my mouth seems frozen. How could I tell my body to take a deep breath when it wasn't even listening to me?
"Carlisle, ask her about him." Jasper urges. "She's responding to you."
Don't ask me. Don't talk to me about him.
My chest hurts with the weight of his body. I yank my hands from Carlisle, trying to shove the weight off. My hands meet my torso, but the crushing pain and dull the feeling of knees and fingers pressing against my frame don't disappear.
"Don't hunt him."
You'll die. You'll all die. I need you. You can't die. If you die, I die. I don't want to die.
"Enough." Rosalie's voice is sharp, and it's the one that sends me over the edge. My chest screams as I drag in breath after breath of toxic air. It burns.
"Can't you feel what you're doing to her, Jasper? That's enough!" Rosalie's voice is loud in my ears.
My stomach burns with the tell-tale prick of a needle. My fingers fumble, grasping at my clothes, trying to shove the needle away.
Fight him, Bella. Edward's voice is telling me. Don't give up.
But I do. Because it's easier than fighting. It's easier than being choked while alive. The darkness that was peppering my sight is back again. Slowly, it reaches across my vision and sucks up everyone from my sight and swallows me. As it does, it takes the blinding pain from my head away with it.
