A/N: Hello everyone! Here's a chapter I've been sitting on for literally months waiting desperately to share with you all! I got a lot of inspiration from Jasper's story in Eclipse for this chapter. Enjooyyy and please review!
Trigger warnings: discussion of medication, SA/abuse, etc
Chapter 19: Plots (BPOV)
"Don't worry. I'm okay." My voice is just a whisper as I clutch the phone tightly in my hand. My palm is layered with sweat, and the phone is slipping. I switch the phone to my dry hand quickly, missing half of my name when my mother utters it.
It sounds like la instead of Bella. Either way, the disappointment in her voice makes me shake. I rub my now empty hand on my jeans, drying it off.
"I wish you'd just let me come see you. You sound horrible, honey."
She would come if I told her too. Because that was the kind of mother Renee was. She came if I asked – always. But she would see how bad I was. I hadn't looked in the mirror in weeks, but I know I must look awful. She couldn't see that. She wouldn't know how to deal with it. She would realize Charlie and I had been lying to her. She would press and press until the truth came out, and then she would fall apart too.
"Is Charlie taking good care of you? He can't cook at all! You're eating, right?"
I'm distracted by her words, remembering Charlie. I hadn't seen him in a long time – I wasn't sure exactly how long, but it had been some time. I'm more than a little bothered by the fact that I hadn't realized how long it had been. What had I been up to that I didn't remember my own father?
"Bella, honey, are you sure? I can get on a flight today. Phil is so busy he wouldn't even miss me, baby."
My chest tightens with longing. Memories of the Phoenix heats mixed with the smell of firewood grills and the sound of Renee's laugh bombard my brain. What I would give to have her here with me, breaking the tense atmosphere with her excited tones and contagious laughs. What I would give to be there in Phoenix with her – away from this mess, away from this hurt and trauma. But Edward couldn't follow me there. I would have to leave him.
"You just sound so down, hon."
I swallow thickly, trying to find a way to respond – to reassure her. Because that was always our relationship. I dealt with my problems. I helped Renee with her problems. Renee was delicate. She didn't deal with difficult situations well.
Alice clears her throat, effectively pulling me from my thoughts. I can feel the sudden grips of panic pulling at my stomach, knotting it tightly. I have purposefully stuck to emails with my mother – written words that can be edited by Alice to get both my stories and my emotions right. In emails, Alice can make it seem that I'm recovering from a severe case of pneumonia and then I'll be visiting Renee later this summer before I head to college. On the phone, I'm not good at controlling the emotions in my voice and I'm not good at remembering all the details to the story they developed about my illness.
Now, Esme pats my hand gently, reminding me of the words I'm supposed to say.
"Esme has been cooking for us."
Renee speaks quickly, and I breathe a small sigh of relief that she isn't focused on the croakiness of my voice or the time elapsed between her questions and my responses.
"Oh, that's Edward's mom, isn't it? That's really very nice of her! I really do need to meet her. . . Is she a good cook? You know I was never very good at it. . ."
"Mom, I need to go. Can I talk to you later?" I utter quietly. My heart is beating too quickly in my chest, though I'm not sure I understand why. "I'm – I need to rest."
"Of course, baby. I'll tell Phil you said hi, okay?"
"Thanks. I love you." I don't wait for a response from my mother before I snap the phone shut and shove it into Alice's hand. She curls her fingers around it, frowning at me.
"You were doing great. Why'd you shut the phone?" Alice questions. She sits down on the stool next to me, pulling her legs to her chest.
"Where's Charlie?" I cough, trying to clear my throat. But it's only feeling more blocked.
"La Push." Alice answers easily.
"When was the last time he visited?"
"Eight days ago."
"Oh." I try not to sound to dejected, but I can't help it. How had I not noticed I hadn't seen my father in a week? Why hadn't he visited me in a week?
"He calls me every day. He's trying to give you space, that's all." Esme offers in a gentle, motherly voice.
"Oh." I suppose that made sense. Charlie enjoyed his space, and respected mine. Even still, I was slightly dismayed by his sudden distance. Or, maybe, he had been showing signs of spacing his visits and I didn't notice.
Alice kisses my cheek. "Don't worry about it, Bells. We all need our own during trying times, right?" Her voice is much too jolly as she speaks, even if she's right.
Charlie did need his own right now, and his family was on the Reservation while my family was far from it.
Alice slips off the barstool. "Rosalie wants to go hunting. I'll see you later, okay?"
I nod and Alice disappears from the kitchen without another word.
"Here, Bella." Esme slides a plate across the counter to me. A pile of scrambled eggs is sending puffs of steam into the around, intoxicating the air with the smell. I had forgotten Esme was cooking food, and now, the smell was slightly nauseating as it spread around me. Besides the eggs, two little white pills lay deftly against the blue porcelain plate.
I had passed a milestone, Esme told me days ago. I had taken medicine on my own account when Carlisle first gave them to me on the porch swing. She didn't mention the breakdown I had before shoving them down my throat, or the fact that I knew I should be scared but the fact that my body wouldn't quite react how I expected it to. They were anxiety pills – meant to calm my racing heart and sweaty palms. I could feel them pushing me to sleep, no matter how many times Edward insisted drowsiness wasn't a side effect. It was a ridiculous cycle. I knew logically I needed to be afraid because medicine was a scary thing, but I also wanted to trust Carlisle – even if wanted to hate him – but my body wouldn't listen to any of my logic or desires.
Jasper and Edward had been key that day and every day since – it took Jasper's skillful loosening of my panic to keep me calm before taking the pills and Edward to promise of protection to take them at all. Despite that, each dose of my pills made me feel a useless sense of nausea deep in my gut that no one could temper. Esme promised it would get easier over time, but the feeling was plenty apparent and repulsive now.
It made me wonder why Carlisle gave me to me at all – didn't the panic just raise my blood pressure when we were trying to avoid high blood pressure to begin with?
"Would like you me to call Edward?"
For a moment, I'm furious with Esme for offering to do that. As if it's a testament to how weak and incapable I am. It's a sully reminder of how dependent I must be. I'm furious that my body disobeys me so deeply that I have anxiety and PTSD to begin with. But I know she's right, and I know my body will continue to disobey me.
"I think so." my voice is hoarse to my ears and Esme offers me an apologetic smile. I'm sure my eyes are windows of utter hatred for the little tablets, with underlying bits of panic.
Esme crosses the kitchen, patting me gently on my hand. "There's no shame, Bella. Not here."
She disappears just as quickly as Edward appears. I shiver gently as he wraps his arms around my unsteady form. Edward's chest vibrates against my forehead as he speaks, but the words are too slippery for my ears to grasp.
"Do you promise?"
It should bother me how childish I am being, but I can't care so much about the immaturity of my question or the lack of concrete protection in Edward's answer. Somehow, his nods his affirming enough for me to reach out to grasp the pills with my quaking hands and throw them into the back of my mouth. Edward is quick with the water glass, possibly to prevent me from changing my mind about swallowing. I don't care – I sip greedily, eager to get the pills down without feeling them. It doesn't work.
The plate sitting on the countertop toppled with eggs, minus the two pills, is not soothing and I'm trying my hardest to swallow back the queasiness. Edward probably wouldn't ask me to take more medicine if I threw it all up, but I wasn't going to hedge my bets against Carlisle who seemed far more adamant about me taking my medicine.
"Are you hungry at all?" Edward asks me quietly. A shake of my head is all I need to answer Edward, and he doesn't respond. Instead, he pulls me from the chair towards the front door.
The air is fresh outside and I breathe it deeply as Edward rocks us both on the porch swing. His arms are tight around my body and, though he's not looking at me or talking at all, I'm feeling more attuned to him than I have in a long time. My heart swells realizing how attentive Edward has been of my own remedies for my panic, and I take full advantage of it, burying myself against him.
"Are you feeling better?" Edward's voice surprises me, and I realize, then, that we've been quiet for a long time as we sway gently.
I'm not sure if the tendrils of ease I'm feeling outside are because of the fresh air or Jasper, or, perhaps, the beginnings of affluence Esme told me about. No matter what, the gut-wrenching feeling doesn't quite hit me as hard as the day before when Rosalie delivered my pills or the day before that when Edward brought them to me himself or the very first day when Carlisle first showed them to me.
"I think so."
Edward smiles softly, meeting my gaze. His dark eyes make my heart sink – he'll have to leave soon to hunt. "That's good." He adjusts beneath me gently, revealing a mug of steaming liquid. "You're getting cold. Esme is worried."
"Oh." I can feel my cheeks getting hot as I think about how much they all worry about me. I never liked a lot of attention, and I was demanding it all, inadvertently, now. "Thanks."
Edward's right: the mug warms my cold hands as I accept it from him, and I find myself sipping quickly to warm myself of the chill I hadn't realized surrounded us.
"We haven't had a chance to go hiking again." Edward muses quietly. "Maybe we can go today, unless you had other plans?"
"No, no plans." I'm getting a bit excited, and I can see that Edward is too, judging by the way his eyes light up.
"Sunset, then." Edward murmurs. "When it's more peaceful."
I frown at him. It's completely quiet outside – not a single bird chirp or breeze to disrupt the silence. "It's quiet now."
"For you." He chuckles. "Hikers are out, love. It's a nice day today." He points up at the sky, and I'm a little shocked to see how strangely blue it is. I hadn't noticed at all. "I think we'd prefer more privacy; don't you think?"
I nod slowly in response, completely taken aback at my lack of observance today.
"Don't worry – Alice will bundle you up so you're not cold." Edward says happily, almost teasingly. "Do you want more?" Edward's fingers pry the mug from my hands, but I shake my head quickly.
"I'll get it." I tell him, sitting up. My head spins slightly as I adjust my position for the first time since we came outside. I'm more than a little panicked by myself right now, and I need an excuse to escape the presence of the blue sky.
"It'll be faster if I do it, Bella."
"My legs are asleep." I mumble indistinctly, starting for the front door. For the most mysterious reason, my eyes were prickling with small tears, and I didn't want Edward to see. "I need to walk."
Edward doesn't respond, to my knowledge, or try to get up to stop me, so I must have said something right. It's not a total lie, I realize. My legs are completely numb as I walk towards the kitchen. In fact, my entire body was feeling numb.
The kitchen is empty and quiet when I walk in, and I make a beeline for the small kettle on the stove that probably has the remnants of the tea Esme made. Besides the counter, however, is something else entirely and my heart skips a dreadful beat as it catches my gaze.
Bold black letters stare at me.
SEATTLE TERRORIZED BY SLAYINGS
My fingers tremble as I push my empty mug onto the marble counter, picking up the newspaper instead.
Less than a decade after the most prolific serial killer in the Pacific Northwest, Seattle is terrorized by yet another killer. Eric Bowermen, famously known as the Pacific Killer, was convicted of fifty-one murders in Seattle. Just years later, Seattle is further traumatized with the deaths of thirty-nine. Evidence shows the homicides are linked, despite no apparent pattern in the victims found. Officials continue to investigate.
"Perhaps you shouldn't read that." The paper falls out of my hands in my surprise, landing with a light thump beside my mug. "I apologize." Jasper offers, crossing his arms behind me. "I didn't intend to scare you."
I pull my gaze from the most mysterious Cullen to the paper laying deftly on the countertop. "It's. . . It's just a lot of people."
"The number is higher," Jasper says casually, almost as if it didn't bother him. Maybe it didn't – Edward mentioned that Jasper had the hardest time with the Cullen diet. I'd always wondered if he valued human life the way the others did – surely, their morals and value for human life was their biggest motivator for their diet. "they just don't know it yet."
"How do you know it?"
Jasper half-smiles. "I fought the vampire wars, Bella. I know how much newborns must feed. Whoever is creating the army –"
"Aro." I shiver, thinking back to the conversation the Cullen family had many days ago.
"Maybe that's true, we can't be sure." Yet. I almost wanted to interject with the word. They couldn't be sure yet. Not until they all risked their lives and headed to Seattle to take down the vampires running rampant and terrorizing people. "But whoever it is, underestimates the terror newborns can do."
"What are the vampire wars?"
Jasper chuckles. "Curious, aren't you?" His nonchalance bothers me.
I shrug guiltily, my curiosity overpowering the strange numbness in my body. In fact, with Jasper standing in front of me, all thoughts about blue skies I hadn't noticed and pills sitting in my stomach had dispersed completely. My interactions with him were so limited, despite us constantly being around each other. I knew he was one of the older vampires – though one of the newest Cullens – and I barely knew anything of his past.
"There are some places in the world that we can be less restrained . . . More to our nature, while still avoiding detection." Jasper tells me, his voice slightly more restrained. "Places where we can feed without being detected."
I shiver as Jasper says the word 'feed' with so much ease, but Jasper doesn't mind me as he continues talking.
"Things much worse than this, Bella. But hardly anyone realizes in these places . . . Perfectly remote and rural." He moves over to me, taking the newspaper from my hands and studying the article on the Seattle slayings. "It was an entirely different world in the South. The immortals there only came out at night for fear of the sun and spent their days plotting their next move or anticipating their enemy's plan. The covens there hardly took notice of humans, except as sources of food and potential soldiers. They were hardly covens, really. Opportunistic associations, perhaps that is a better description. Nothing like what we have here. . ." He gestures vaguely toward the sitting room. "Those groups were fluid, moving as the power and control moved. The real motivator was food. They were all fighting for control of territories with the steady human populations. Places where they could feed uncontrollably – or less restrained, at least – without being noticed."
Jasper eyes me, maybe sensing my emotions. I was fine, I think, and he must have known that because he continues.
"The more effective strategy to get rid of competition was to create an army of newborn vampires. We are strongest at our birth as a vampire. That, and the confusion and newness of this life makes us easily manipulated. There's a reason military around the world seek young soldiers – they're inexperienced, easy to sway, easy to train. But newborns are volatile, wild, and almost impossible to control. One newborn can be reasoned with, but ten or fifteen are impossible. They'll turn on each other, fight until the death. Armies would destroy half their own ranks before even going to war with other armies."
"How can that be effective?" I whisper in horror. My mind floats to the vampires around me, thinking of them completely out of control. Images of Esme, the gentlest person I know, as a blood-thirsty vampire that Jasper describes makes me shiver.
"They may be all that, Bella, but newborns are incredibly strong. We are at our strongest during the first few months of this life when our own blood is still within us. That strength is profoundly beneficial."
"Is that what's happening in Seattle? A vampire army. . ."
"Yes." Jasper answers easily. "There was easily over fifty missing persons cases, Bella. But I highly doubt the army reached over ten to fifteen newborns. They must be fighting within their own ranks, too, which means soldiers are being replaced as they are dying off."
"Oh."
"Newborns are dangerous, but they're possible to defeat if you know what you're doing. They're incredible powerful, physically. But they are slaves to their own instinct to feed and entirely predictable because they lack skill." Jasper murmurs.
He pauses for a moment and then continues, his voice far away as he relives his past.
"At one point, the Volturi tried to put an end to what was happening in the South – when it became too noticeable. But the moment the Volturi left, the survivors of their intrusion took claim on what was left in their wake and covens began disputing again. This time around, coven leaders were much more careful in their wars out of fear of destruction by the Volturi. News was spreading about what Aro's army could do – he could decimate Southern armies with hardly any effort extended at all. Aro sought after people that had talent – vampires like Jane and Alec who can single-handedly annihilate an entire army. In the South, they were less picky, but they took inspiration from Aro's strategy. Leaders in the South began to train their newborns. These newborns were kept isolated until they could be controlled and trained, but they were never allowed to age too much as they became too weak to fight. With these ranks and training, the Southern armies became capable of controlled destruction, doing only enough damage to not attract the attention of the Volturi again."
"And you fought in these wars?" my voice is just a whisper, imagining Jasper as a young newborn in a war. I couldn't quite picture it. I'm sure they didn't need weapons of any sort, but at the same time, I'd never truly seen how vampires fought or hunted.
Jasper nodded. "I was changed a short while after I joined the Confederate Army in 1861. I moved up the ranks in the army quickly and eventually I was the youngest major in Texas. I was just out of a main city, preparing the people for battle, when I came across three women walking on foot. I assumed they needed help and I stopped to assist, only, they were vampires and needed something slightly different."
"Was it beneficial to have a newborn who was already skilled?"
"Immensely, Bella." Jasper agrees. "The woman who changed me, Maria, wanted a superior army. She sought out humans who had potential, and when we turned, she provided us more attention and training. She wanted us to not only fight, but to control the armies she created which would make her armies more powerful than any other army. But her successes made her greedy and it wasn't long before she was eyeing cities and attempting to expand her control over most of Texas and northern Mexico. It wasn't long before we began losing the wars and losing control our territory and our army."
"Did the armies die off? How did you survive?"
"Of the original army I fought with, I was the only one who survived. That is partly due to my job. I trained newborns, and I also had the privilege of . . . disposing those who were no longer necessary, a flight risk, or who were aging."
Jasper spits out his words they are disgusting, and I have to agree with him. He doesn't continue speaking as he watches me, and I'm growing slightly uncomfortable beneath his gaze. I'm racking my brain, trying to find something to get him talking about. It's then, by luck, that I remember Alice and their presence here with the Cullen family.
"What made you leave?"
Jasper smirks slowly, and then breathes a sigh. "It was only after decades that I developed a relationship with another – his name was Peter. He moved up quickly in Maria's ranks until he was just below me. Peter was essentially in charge of babysitting the newborns, a full-time job, really. He informed my job of removing those who were a dangerous to our operation or not needed anymore. At one point, we were instructed to purge the newborns that were aging. I could tell the job was taking a toll on Peter as he killed newborn after newborn for years, especially now when we were instructed to purge so many. That day, Peter ended up leaving – practically running, really – with another young newborn named Charlotte. Peter grew angry with me when I had called her in the purge, so the two of them ran."
"Why?"
"Peter and Charlotte grew fond of each other – love, as you know it – and Peter was upset with the prospect of me killing her. He didn't enjoy the life that we had, and he wanted something different. Something more. . . A concept I never quite understood until I met Alice decades later. I hadn't known any better, having been in the army since I was so young, and I was too comfortable to leave. Maria offered me power and safety in a world that was nothing but war."
"Oh."
"A few years later, Peter snuck back to convince me to go. We had grown close, or as close as we could in a place with death and unease and had shared grievances about what we did. My frame of mind was deteriorating. . . The constant killing I had to do, of both my armies and others. I could feel all the emotions of the vampires around me – their fear, their confusion, their anger. It took a toll on me. I had been Maria's companion for many years, similar to Carlisle and Edward. Although, our bond wasn't nearly as strong." Jasper pauses again, shaking his head.
"In a world of blood and war, relationships and loyalties are easily broken. In one conversation, Peter had me convinced. Peter and Charlotte found something special in their time in war, I could feel it. I craved something more even if I didn't truly understand what I wanted. I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years, but even then, in the peaceful world, the depression didn't fade. I was so wearied by killing – it's all I had done my entire life. Killing humans was a task for me even if I had to keep doing it to survive and to feed. After a few years, I wandered away from the pair of them, seeking the comfort of isolation." Jasper smiles, his expression distant. "You're confused."
I smile sheepishly. "A little bit."
"I've always recognized the emotions of others in a room, but hardly anyone recognize the way it affects me. I live every day in a climate of emotion, constantly influenced by those around me and resisting the urge to allow it to affect me and to allow myself to affect them. It's a strange situation."
"You don't choose to feel it?"
"My gift is not so different than Edward's. It's constantly around me. It's like a buzz in the atmosphere – I can tune into particular emotions belonging to people, or just allow it to linger in the background." Jasper explains easily. "Being in such a despairing environment influenced me in ways I didn't truly understand – my emotions were not so different from those around me, and I could hardly differentiate between the two. I didn't fully understand my gift until I had been with Peter and Charlotte for some time, and by then, I decided solitude would be good for me."
"I guess that makes sense."
"I was in Philadelphia when I met Alice. She had been waiting for me there – I think you know the rest of this story now."
I nod slowly. "Alice explained that part."
Jasper nods in response, accepting that he does not need to continue his story. I'm surprised for a moment, realizing just how long he had been talking to me. Jasper and I hardly ever talked. He was the most removed member of the Cullen family.
"Is Maria still alive?"
Jasper nods quickly. "I haven't heard from her in nearly three decades. Peter and Charlotte see her much more often since they stayed South."
My heart thumps fearfully in my chest. One of the most powerful leaders from the Southern armies was still alive. Reachable by anyone who tried hard enough to find her.
"So, you can see, the characteristics are all there." He glances down at the newspaper, handing it back to me. My leg tremble, as my eyes ghost the words on the page. "It just doesn't make much sense at all. Just a small vampire army has called on almost every magazine in the area and some countrywide. They aren't trying to hide at all, which makes me think they have no real mission, really. Perhaps a vampire that got bored and wanted to terrorize people for fun. . ."
I run my fingers over the numbers they're reporting. Missing people. Homicides. No clear pattern in the killings. Maybe if they looked at how much blood was left in the victims they would see a pattern. Patterns that aren't visible unless you know the whole story. . .
I shudder. "Jasper?"
"Hmm?"
"If . . .If the army is coming after you guys, what would happen?"
"I wouldn't worry about that, Bella. It's a plausible idea." Jasper narrows his eyes at me. "Except, Alice doesn't believe it's true, since she hasn't seen anything."
"But yesterday you guys were talking about sneaking around Alice's visions."
"Hiding from Alice's visions isn't a science. She's explained her visions to us countless times and we struggle. Alice is very powerful." The respect in Jasper's voice is strong and I'm fighting the urge to admire him for it – there are more pressing things to think about.
"Aro does. He read Edward's and Alice's thoughts. He could have told someone." I shiver, thinking about the old vampire in the dingy halls of the castle in Italy. After centuries underground, one might get bored. One might feel threatened by the second largest coven in the world and start trying to plot to destroy them.
Jasper is quiet for a moment. "Yes, we did explore that yesterday. Aro wouldn't willingly share information about a gift he covets so much. He craves power and power is only an illusion if someone knows how to defeat you, or Alice's visions, in this case."
Jasper's rebuttals of my words only make the cool panic sink deeper into me.
"But if Aro gave second chances, like Rosalie said, to someone who would solve a problem for them. . . Then the Volturi wouldn't get involved no matter how aware the human world was getting. Because then they could do the Volturi's dirty work and then Aro could justify their death? Then there's no harm done because the only one who knows about Alice's visions, besides Aro, is gone."
"Yes." The uncertainty in Jasper's voice was becoming clear. "But, again, that's highly unlikely."
"If Maria were alive, or, really, anyone from the wars, then they could provide . . . direction? Especially about staying discrete or building a powerful army."
"To creating an army?" Jasper responds thoughtfully. "I suppose, though there is no reason to do so. That time in history is mostly over, and I don't envision it occurring again for a long while. It certainly wouldn't begin here, Bella."
A coven leader who knew how to avoid the Volturi would also have the resources to consult the Volturi. If that were true, Rosalie was right about second chances and Edward was right about Aro coveting certain gifts. I shiver as my thoughts churn in my head. If all of this was true, Alice was wrong about Aro not making decisions. He was the very center of the decisions. He was orchestrating the Seattle army and the attack on me from the comfort of his castle without ever gracing Alice's foresights.
"Wouldn't someone who was capable of getting around Alice once. . ." I whisper, feeling weak. "They could do it again, couldn't they?"
He wanted Carlisle and Edward to seek him out. He promised he would kill every single one of the vampires I loved so much. This was exactly how he could do that. He would only know how to avoid Alice if someone had instructed him to. He would only promise death on the Cullens if he had the means to.
Jasper eyes me suspiciously. "They would certainly be capable of it, if they ever managed to succeed the first time. Which is immensely difficult."
Not if Aro, who knew Alice's mind intimately, offered him a deal. Then plotting around Alice's visions was easy.
"And if you were preoccupied with something else. . ." I pause, trying to catch my breath. "That would make you an easier target. You wouldn't see it coming. You wouldn't be prepared to fight back." Jasper doesn't respond, and I continue. "Or, if you were looking in the wrong places and splitting up intentionally, that would make it easier to kill you."
"What are you getting at, Bella?" Edward's voice makes me jump. He's standing next to me, his expression hard. I'm not sure when he came or how much he heard.
"The Volturi is allowing this."
"We know that." Edward says quietly, almost sympathetically. I narrow my eyes at his tone feeling slightly offended by it. I couldn't be bothered to understand why I had taken offense at his words – I was still trembling against the counter.
"He's going to kill you." The room is shaking at the edges and I know I'm in danger of falling over.
"Bella, Aro wants our gifts far too much to allow us to die." Edward disagrees quietly, and it takes my slow, panicked mind several moments to realize Edward is misunderstanding me.
"Not him." I whisper, shaking my head. That wasn't helpful when everything was already stirring around me. "Not Aro. He's doing this with Aro because he wants to kill you."
I shudder, thinking back to the man in my room with his bright blonde hair and blue eyes and incredibly powerful muscles. I didn't have a name. "That's what he told me and I . . I – I thought he wouldn't be able to. He's not human, but he's not a vampire –"
"Bella, I know." Edward cuts me off, lifting my chin with his fingers so I'm looking at him. "But he can't. We're much too strong."
"I . . I don't –"
"Bella, you don't have to worry about us." Jasper cuts in. The frightening expression on his face makes me shiver. He looked like a vampire. He looked as blood thirsty as the night of my 18th birthday.
I shake my head slowly.
Edward sighs quietly. "Bella, we're more capable than anyone of protecting you now, please understand that."
"No, no. You don't . . . You don't understand!" I hiss, clenching my fists to stop the tremors. "Aro is allowing it. The army. . . It isn't Aro, but he is involved. Not like you said though. He's not just trying to get you and Alice. This is about something else."
"Can you explain? I don't think we understand." Jasper tells me, his expression pulled tightly as he thinks.
I huff, getting a little frustrated. Why didn't they understand? Their minds were usually miles ahead of mine. "The army, Jasper." I mutter a little petulantly. "He snuck around Alice's visions once before to get to me and he's doing it again. It's just a double betrayal, that's what Edward said. Carlisle is Aro's friend so why wouldn't Aro avenge his friend after the army kills you all? That takes care of the one other person who knows how Alice's visions work."
"Bella," Edward lays his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. His eyes are narrowed and it's clear he's forcing himself to stay calm. "slow down, love. The army isn't going to harm us."
"Aro can't control the army because that would make it too obvious, Edward. They're related, don't you see?" I turn to Jasper, desperate for him to understand the danger. "Alice would know who was in charge, wouldn't she, Jasper? Alice would see that Aro was doing this. That's why they're not caring about staying hidden because the Volturi is part of it. Aro wants the army to grow."
"Bella, how did you get to this conclusion?" Jasper questions as if he hadn't just heard what I said about controlling the army. His lack of attention makes me ground my teeth.
"Isn't Carlisle his friend? That's what he said in Italy when I was there, that he thinks highly of Carlisle. You said that Aro is worried about you getting stronger and larger." My voice is rising steadily as I point my words towards Edward. I'm shivering beneath his hands, fear creeping through me faster than I can try to swallow it down. This was far more intricate than we understood. "He's betting on you and Alice surviving. They're doing it together. They created a distracted to keep you occupied while they built an army."
Edward drops his hands from my shoulders, taking a step back and his sudden release from me makes the world tremble around me. I grab onto the counter, steadying myself again. It doesn't seem to help at all.
"Oh." Edward stares at Jasper. "Someone approaching Aro for aid. For permission to create an army to destroy us. . . Alice's vision. . ."
"What vision?" I ask, though neither Jasper or Edward respond to me. They're staring at each other – Edward's expression horrified and Jasper's thoughtful.
I nod, grateful they finally understood. "And then Aro can destroy him – for going after Carlisle and the rest of you. Aro secures his position, except he's even stronger. He's betting on you and Alice surviving."
A laugh bubbles through my lips. Aro was cunning. He would remove the one coven that threatened his standing. He could avenge Carlisle – his friend, his enemy – by killing the monster who started this all. He would have Edward and Alice in his guard. He would have gotten everything he wanted.
This was never about me. This was about Edward and Carlisle. This was about them. Always about them. I was just the distracted for them. To get them to hunt, to split up, to avenge me.
"There's no harm in sharing pertinent information about Alice's visions if the only one who knows is dead. And he certainly wouldn't share that information – that's his token to power right now." Jasper murmurs, his voice eerily calm and collected. He's not tense at all, not like Edward is.
I nod slowly. My voice is much too weak as I speak, and it takes all of my energy to not sink to the floor. "You're not prepared. You're taking care of me. You're all distracted."
"He's not a vampire. He can't be the one creating the army. . ." Edward whispers quietly. My breaths falter, realizing Edward is right. Someone else has to be part of this, then. Someone from Aro's inner circle or someone else he trusts to share Alice's blind spots with.
"Whoever is creating the army has the same information about Alice." I add quietly, drawing Jasper's attention to me. "Because she would have seen who was doing it then. But she hasn't."
"Carlisle." Edward's head whips around to face Carlisle who is looking paler than normal as he stands in the doorway of the kitchen.
"It's possible." He admits carefully. "It makes more sense than anything else."
"Bella, what was said that day that led you to this?" Jasper asks me. He's looking more determined, and now my energy is faltering. "Other than him wanting Carlisle and Edward, what was said to you?"
I let myself slip down against the cabinets. My arms hug my legs to my chest, realizing at once how strappingly my head is throbbing. Edward swears tightly under his breath, crouching in front of me. He's watching me with so much emotion that he's struggling to hide, and all of it is making my stomach roil.
"I don't remember." I pull my eyes from Edward's face as I recognize the characteristic features of anger and conflict and I'm worried he's going to call me out on my lie outright. He hadn't done that very often, especially when memories about the attack came up. Finally, he pulls my hand into his.
"Come with me, Bella." He murmurs. There's no evidence of anger in his voice or in the way he pulls me up off the chair to walk with him and it makes me shiver.
"Where?" there's a bit of a tremble in my voice from my leftover panic.
"Let's go outside." He mumbles. "Jasper's getting concerned with your panic."
That's when I notice, as I looked back to Jasper as Edward pulls me away, how frustrated he looks as he grips the counter tightly, staring at me with intensely confused eyes. The panic in me almost immediately subsides as the guilt settles in for putting Jasper through my emotional turmoil knowing, now, how it made him feel.
Edward pulls me onto his back and in one split second, my view is nothing more than the watercolor blurs of browns and greens. I close my eyes tightly, but only a fraction of a second before I'm being set down against the soft ground again. The world swirls around me as Edward takes a step back, ensuring I'm properly adjusted.
"Oh, Edward. I think should've apologized. We left so quickly." I sigh, feeling completely overwhelmed with guilt.
"What?"
"To Jasper." I explain sensibly.
"Why?" Edward is absolutely incredulous, distracting me once again from my emotions.
I can't help the frown of confusion that covers my expression. Usually Edward's mind moved a thousand times faster than mine and I had to play catch-up. In fact, his mind moved ten thousand times faster today when I hardly noticed the sun shining in a cloudless sky before it seemed to stop working entirely in the kitchen.
"He- He. . . Well, he was explaining . . ." I mumble, trying to figure out how to express this. Edward must know how Jasper's ability worked. "He seemed frustrated. I think I was bothering him."
"Bothering him?" Edward's voice is almost disbelieving now.
"You know, don't you? You should." I'm feeling slightly self-conscious now, and entirely embarrassed. I'm making a complete fool out of myself trying to speak. "About how emotions impact him—"
"Bella," He says, but I'm hardly listening.
"Poor Jasper, he has to deal with all of my emotions right now."
"Bella," Edward shakes his head as he says my name again. He puts his hands on my shoulder to grasp my attention. "you want to apologize for your emotions changing?"
"Yes!" My voice is louder and more forceful than I intend. Maybe is frustration with not being able to explain to Edward, or just gratitude for his ease of understanding. "He seemed upset."
"He wasn't upset."
"No?"
"No, he wasn't upset." Edward's voice falls slightly as he speaks, and it makes me wonder if he's telling the truth at all. "You disapp—" Edward stops suddenly, pressing his lips together.
"What?"
He pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a breath. "Nothing. We'll talk about it later." His eyes are hard as he stares at me, his brow furred in concentration. Finally, he shakes his head slightly. "What did he say to you, Bella? That day. . ."
I hesitate, opening my mouth and then closing at as Edward watches me. "What good would it do to repeat it?"
Edward's jaw tenses. "It would do a lot of good, actually. For one, you wouldn't be trapped in your own mind thinking about it. We'd share the burden, remember that? Second, you are insinuating that there's an army of vampires in Seattle coming after us under the advisement of the Volturi – or, at the very least, Aro. I still don't know how you jumped to that, but you did—"
I open my mouth to respond, but Edward's head snaps in the opposite direction, his face masked with fury. "What? Edward. . ."
"Of all the times, he picks now." I cringe against the pure anger in his voice. A small voice in my mind immediately pulls at the memories of the attack.
"Who?" my voice trembles.
"Jacob Black." He sneers, and somehow, I can't find relief in my heart at the name. Instead, it's a different kind of emotion that replaces the beginning tendrils of panic.
Finally getting into the army plot a little more *evil laugh*. Don't forget to review!
