The Wolf You Feed
Chapter 20
** So the other day I was working on this update when out my window I saw the real Lily (my neighbor's dog) had escaped again and headed straight for my yard to start digging in one of my gardens. The holes that dog digs are not exactly small. I captured the naughty beast before any real damage was done and marched her back home. When I got there my neighbor thanked me and let me know that her dog is dying of bladder cancer and won't be with us too much longer. I was so sad I immediately forgave her for all the times she hopped the fence and crapped in my yard. I know this is just fanfic, but I am still glad she will get to live on as a part of these stories after she goes. As always big thanks to anyone that took the time to leave a review.**
The tension around the small camp settled down after Robin said what she felt everyone needed to hear. The men from the pen reunited with their families. Rowan was happy to see so many people hugging and kissing each other all at once. Daryl pulled her into his arms, not caring one bit that she was still covered head to toe in filthy slop. They were safe, but he was still afraid for the baby. He had seen how hard Amanda kicked Rowan once she had her on the ground. He knew there was nothing that could be done about it now. But he would be happy once they got back to Alexandria and someone with some sort of medical knowledge could take a look at her.
"Hey Roe, what in the holy dick hell happened to you," Abraham asked, sautering over with his fingers hooked into his belt loops. "You look like Carrie after the prom." Rowan thought about his comment. Then her eyes lit up. She actually knew what he was talking about for once.
"I think I read that book," she told him. That made him laugh. Abraham's laughter was always loud and proud and unapologetic. Several people stopped what they were doing and turned to see what was so funny. Then another noise caught their attention. Lauren dropped to her knees, holding her swollen stomach. Her mother was leaning down, trying to help her up.
"She's in labor," her mother yelled out. She guessed her daughter had been in the early stages of labor since sometime last night. Lauren was afraid, and didn't want anyone to know. She had been hoping maybe she could have her baby in her cabin and no one would find out. If it was a boy, she was going to try and run away with him.
Aaron and Rick rushed over. They helped the girl to her feet but she couldn't stay on her feet. Rick picked her up and carried her. Robin ran ahead, showing him where to take her. Rowan expected her to take Lauren back to her cabin, but instead she led the man up inside Amanda's lodge. The windows were thrown open to let in the fresh air. Rowan knew this lodge. It used to serve as the community center. People gathered here to work on crafts and play games together. She understood what Robin was doing. Lauren having her baby here would give this place a fresh start. It would not be thought of as Amanda's place anymore.
Katie disappeared. Rowan wasn't sure where she went. But when the woman came back, she had a white sheet in her arms. She headed to the top of the steps and laid it out, then rolled her sister's body onto it and wrapped her up. Rowan watched the woman. She was already sweaty with her efforts, but she looked determined. Spencer glanced up, looking like he wanted to help but wasn't sure if his assistance would be welcome. He hesitated at the bottom of the steps, but then walked up.
He said nothing to Katie, he just leaned down and picked up the foot end of the bundle to help her down the stairs with it. She took his help until they got Amanda down to the camp's burial site. Then she thanked him and asked him to leave. While Lauren labored to bring her baby into the world, Katie buried Amanda. She didn't cry until after she shoveled the last bit of dirt on top. Then she broke down sobbing. Crying for the sister that had become lost to her long before this day. And crying for all the things she had done, both out of anger and to try and make Amanda love her again.
She knelt by her sister's fresh grave and cried into her hands, only one side of her face watering since the eye on the other side no longer worked right. She cried for a long time. Over things that she had refused to let herself think about since they happened. She cried for her niece that was buried only one grave away from her mother. And she cried for the son and husband she had lost. She cried until she felt empty inside. Katie slid her hands into the soft dirt, squeezing it into balls in her fists. More than anything she wanted to be dead in that grave next to her sister. That was what she deserved for all that she had done.
When she looked up, a strange man was standing there. She recognized him as one of the men that had come in with Rowan and Daryl's group. He had the same long black hair as Rowan, only streaked with white around his face. Katie guessed they were probably related. Men still made her a little nervous. But this one did not try to touch her. Instead he lowered himself down next to her and sat crosslegged in the loose dirt next to Amanda's grave.
The man started talking to her. Telling Katie a story that began at this very camp and ended with almost all his people dead. He had a way of talking that made her see the things he described like they were happening right in front of her. Some of the things he told her made even Katie sick. He had killed. Whole camps full of people. Men, women, even the children. He told her he saw their faces every night in his dreams. Some of the things he had done he regretted and some of it he didn't. He became so consumed with anger that his own daughter ran away from him, just like Amanda's daughter had run away from her.
Then the story changed. He found his daughter and earned her forgiveness. His wife had a new baby. And now his daughter had been blessed as well. They all lived together in a house that was full of life and laughter. He had found peace. And happiness.
"You're lying," Katie said. There was no peace left in this world to find. Not for her anyway. The man just smiled and rose to his feet. He extended his hand down to Katie.
"Time to go back," he told her, "you won't find your peace if you don't look for it." Katie nodded her head and reached for his hand. They walked back to camp together. And with every step she took, she felt a little bit better.
TWD
Rowan dunked her head under the water again. She grabbed the bar of soap and scrubbed at her scalp, trying to rid herself of the smell of the blood. The horrible junk was everywhere, even under her fingernails. She splashed some water at Lily and Morgan, avoiding Tank since his head was wrapped up in a roll of gauze. He looked like someone's little old granny. A miserable old granny with his head on his paws. She tried not to laugh at him.
Rowan knew as soon as she turned her back Tank was going to rip off all his carefully applied bandages. Right now he was sitting with Daryl. The man was softly stroking him. Rowan smiled. Daryl was even talking to the dog a little, and he usually never did that. Telling him he was going to get a deer when they got back and cook up a special venison steak and chicken liver dinner just for him and Lily. None for Morgan, since all that chicken shit dog did was bark at the tiger and stand there while poor Tank was getting his ass handed to him.
"He's just a puppy," Rowan called over, feeling the need to defend the much younger dog. Tank had been a puppy once too before he grew into the formidable beast he was today.
"Aren't you clean enough yet?," Daryl asked. He felt like he had been watching Rowan scrub for hours. Not that he minded, she was naked and he was looking at her. But her skin was starting to look red and raw like she was scrubbing it too hard. Rowan splashed some water at him. "Hey," Daryl complained, "these clothes are still mostly clean."
Now Rowan was really laughing. Daryl's idea of mostly clean was most people's idea of all the way filthy. His shirt even had blood sprinkled on it from when he punched that girl in the nose.
"Come in here with me," she told him, moving back to where she could sink down a little lower in the water. He shook his head.
"You come out."
She smiled and drifted towards him, letting him wrap her up like she was a small child in the blanket she was planning to use as a towel. Her fingers were wrinkled up like prunes under her tattoos, so she supposed it was time for her to get out. Daryl rubbed at her head with the blanket, trying to dry her hair off. Then suddenly he was crushing her against his chest.
"What's wrong," she asked, hugging him back just as tight. He sounded choked up, like he was wrestling with his emotions. She understood something about kicking and the baby. Rowan pushed Daryl back and pulled the blanket up. She rubbed a hand over the small hard lump between her hip bones.
"The baby is here," she reminded him. Then she put her hand much further up, above her little dip of a belly button. "She kicked me way up here," Rowan assured him. She was sure that was where she got kicked. There was a bruise already forming and her ribs on one side were going to be very sore for a while. But Daryl did not look conviced. She pulled his hand over and placed it over the hard lump.
"I can have Robin take a look at me before we go if that would make you feel better?," she offered. Daryl nodded and pulled her back into his arms, unable to find the words for how he felt.
TWD
Robin had Rowan lie back on the table and pull her shirt up. Then she pressed the end of a stethoscope to her belly and started feeling around. She had already warned them that it might be too early to hear the baby's heartbeat and that if she couldn't find it, that didn't mean the baby wasn't doing just fine. The best way to check on the baby this early on would be with a doppler and they were fresh out of those and the electricity to run one.
Daryl held his breath. If there was any moment in his life that was ever this tense, he couldn't remember it. Rowan's father, Spencer and Aaron were crowded into the tiny room with him and Aaron lifted his hand to give him small reassuring pat on the back. It felt like this woman had been feeling around on Rowan's stomach forever, but he knew it had only been about a minute or two. Finally he saw the woman's face light up with excitement. She held the end of the stethoscope still but let Rowan reach up to grab the end with the eartips on it and stick them into her own ears.
"Is that it?," Rowan asked. Her mouth was a perfect O shape and her eyes were wide with wonder and excitement. "It sounds like a hummin bird," she whispered. She waved her arm, motioning for Daryl to come forward. He rushed across the small space and stuffed the earbuds into his ears. He wasn't sure what he was listening to at first. It sounded like a really fast whoosh whoosh noise, almost like a tiny washing machine was inside Rowan's belly. She nodded at him. That was it. That was the sound of their baby growing strong and healthy inside her.
He lurched forward to kiss her, the stethoscope pulling awkwardly at his ears. Daryl pulled it off and pressed his mouth to Rowan's, feeling her smiling against his lips. After a second kiss, Aaron pushed forward, unable to wait anymore.
"Kiss later," he told them. Rowan giggled. "Shush up," Aaron told her, "all I can hear is you laughing." Robin took the stethoscope back and fixed the postion, then leaned close so Aaron could listen in. His eyes got big. He was sure he could hear something. Eric was going to be so jealous when he got back and told him about this. Rowan's dad shoved Spencer forward, letting him go next. Once he had a listen, he and Aaron headed outside to get out of the small space that was starting to fell hot and cramped. Tank pushed inside as they were heading out, one scrap of bandage left dangling from his giant head.
Rowan's father moved forward, taking the ear pieces and putting them into his ears. He laid his large hand flat on the opposite side of Rowan's stomach and listened. Not only did he hear the same soft whoosing noises, he felt something too. A funny bubble under the flat of his palm that he knew was the baby finally quickening inside his daughter's belly. When her mother had been pregnant with her, she had described it as feeling like a tiny little fish swimming inside her.
From the way Rowan smiled, he knew she felt it as well. He grasped Daryl's hand and placed it over her belly, taking the place of his own hand. He pressed down on top of the man's hand, applying gentle pressure.
"Fuck," Daryl cursed, yanking his hand back, "what the hell was that?" Rowan and her father started laughing. The older man tossed his arm around Daryl's shoulder, even daring to hug him a little against his side. He had noticed Daryl wasn't too comfortable with a lot of physical contact. But for once he felt the man's body relax as Daryl leaned just slightly into his embrace.
"Tell you what that was," Rowan's father said, "that there was my thakoza." For Daryl's benefit he quickly added the word granddaughter.
"It might be a boy," Daryl added hopefully. But that just made Rowan and her father laugh again. Daryl laughed along with them, wondering how they always seemed to know things before he did.
