Chapter 37

Saturday came and Freddie went to the therapy center to visit his mother with Alex and Sam both. The plan was to visit Marissa and then drop by Bushwell to leave Alex at Carly's place and then an early dinner, because after all this wasn't a date, just two old friends eating together and it really didn't matter what time they got there.

"Freddie! Alexandra! Oh, and Saman, Sam!" Marissa screeched. "Oh, I am so glad to see you all. One big, happy family!"

Freddie gulped and Sam flushed slightly at the statement.

He had decided to just tell his mother up front that the little girl had caught a cold. "Sorry we haven't been able to get by for a few days, mom. Alex has had a case of the sniffles and I tried to keep her in as much as possible."

Rather than blowing up like they expected, his mother simply dismissed the whole idea. "That's exactly what I would have done. Are you feeling better, honey?" She asked the girl who simply nodded.

"Those filthy schools are nothing but germ factories." Marissa shook her head. "I still say she would be better off home schooled."

Sam and Freddie just looked at each other. "She must be on some good drugs." Sam whispered to Freddie. "She didn't blame me."

Marissa didn't hear her, she was too busy micro-managing her son. "I trust you've been keeping up with the house work. And preparing healthy meals. And getting this child to bed on time."

"Yep." Sam replied for him, taking a seat on the end of the hospital type bed. "I'm making sure he keeps all the chiz on track. So, how are they treating you here?"

"I am so frustrated. I think I am well enough and they are insisting on at least another week of therapy before I can go home. But knowing that you have a support system makes me feel better.

"Hey, you worry about you. Let me take care of this motley crew, alright?" Sam patted Marissa's knee through the blankets.

The sentiment almost choked the woman up. "So, how are things at school?" She clearly focused on the child to change the subject.

Their visit took over an hour and the next stop was to drop Alex off at Spencer' so they could go on their dinner not-date. The artist and his sister set about to entertaining the kid while Sam and Freddie stepped into the private elevator.

Fortunately it was early and there was no line when they got to the restaurant and were able to walk right in and get a table. After ordering drinks and deciding on food, they began talking while they waited for their appetizer.

"I haven't been to one of these places in years." Sam said, looking around. "You know, Cat wouldn't eat seafood and it's kind of expensive anyway."

"Me either. Of course, other than fast food joints and pizza, I really haven't been out to eat much since, well, um . . . " He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, instead of saying the name of her sister. "I mean, my mom and I sometimes take Alex to that diner down by the mall on Sundays after church. You remember how they make really great blueberry pancakes and they have a three page kiddie menu. Even though she always gets the same thing."

"I can see how you miss a more grown up atmosphere." She smirked and took a sip of her mixed drink. "Hey, you gotta try this." She held the glass toward him.

"Whoa, that is good. Here try a sip of mine." He pushed his glass closer to her.

"Mmm, fruity." She giggled. "This is pretty good."

"Yeah, I think I might have another one, too." He agreed.

"I meant this, us. Doing this. One drink is my limit. Unless you're trying to get me drunk." She joked. "I'm just glad we're able to do stuff like this, Freddie. I hated hating you."

"Uh, thanks. Me too. I mean I hated you being mad at me. Because I never could have hated you. Everything was all my fault. And I am really glad to have you in Alex's life. My mom means well but a grandma isn't a mom. Well, not that you're . . . you know what I mean. It's just, we're a different generation."

The drink and the company had loosened up some of Sam's walls. "Yeah, about that. The other day when I told you about what happened when I went back to L.A. and that dude I dated. There's something I didn't tell you. I, uh, can't . . . ooh, here's our shrimp." She was ready to tell him about her health issue but found a convenient excuse not to.

They ate at their appetizer and Freddie began to wonder what she almost revealed. Was there someone else in California? She never really said she broke up with Derek. Days earlier she had apologized for running off when she found out about her sister and him having a kid together and confessed that she felt it was her fault that he reconnected with Melanie and that his single parent predicament was because she left him fall into Melanie's siren song.

Of course, Freddie could never blame her for her sister's shortcomings. If anything it was his fault for realizing too late that he would never be able to have a stable relationship with Melanie and that he was not willing to trust her not to leave him, and their child, again.

They ate, made small talk, and prepared to leave with their leftovers for a midnight snack. As they walked to the car, hands found each other. More in a friendly manner than romantic, they walked along, holding each other.

By the time they reached the car, they had left go of one another and he went to open her door to be met with an eye roll. Still, she left him do it and sat inside the car making herself comfortable by removing her shoes as he went around to the driver's side.

"So, what you were saying a bit ago?" He asked, after getting in and putting on his seat belt. Curiosity had taken the better of him and he felt as friendly as they were acting, she might just be willing to open up a little more than usual. "What you forgot to tell me about when you were in L.A."

"Uh, yeah." She was uneasy about continuing but she owed it to him to be honest. After all, friends were honest with each other and he had not been anything but completely up front with her since their reconciliation months earlier. "I, uh, the boyfriend when I was in L.A., he, um, kinda almost got me pregnant." She confessed, looking down at her lap slightly.

"Kinda? Almost?"

"Well, I was pregnant I guess you could say." Sam was more nervous and unsure of herself than in her previous 26 years.

He had started the car by now, but didn't put it in gear. "Oh my gosh. Like, seriously? What, er, I mean, did you give it up, or, what happened Not that it's any of my business. I can't see you getting an abortion. I had no idea."

"I had something go wrong inside and I lost it. Something with my tubes or whatever. And it messed things up. Like, big time messed me up."

"I am so sorry, Sam. That's got to be rough for a woman to go through. I feel bad that I wasn't there for you." He reached over and took her hand. "What about the guy? Like, was he - did he support you when you needed him?"

"I didn't have anybody or tell anybody. Well, Jade sort of knew, but what could she do? The guy, he really didn't even know it happened. He and I sort of split up before I found out. We really weren't together that long. Just long enough to, well, you know, do it. Once. Barely." She neglected to tell him why the breakup happened.

He simply squeezed her hand in comfort.

"And I know you would have been there for me. Because no matter how much of a bitch I've been with you over the years, you've always been there when I needed you. You really are my best friend. I mean, I love Carly like a sister but you, you're the one person who I could always count on. You dropped everything and hopped a flight to L.A. when you thought I was hurt that time for Pete's sake."

Freddie smiled at the memory of that week.

"Um, but there's something else." She was still not willing to confess her feelings toward him but their friendship made her comfortable enough to tell him the truth about the rest. "It didn't just mess me up emotionally, it messed up my girl parts, Freddie."

He looked sort of puzzled.

"I can't, um, I mean, I don't think I can have kids of my own. Like, ever." She squeaked out.

The shift of her eyes to the window beside her hurt his heart. "Sam, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. You're so good with kids. Are you sure? I know you might not be ready right now. But like, ever?"

"The doctor said it was very unlikely. If I ever want to try, I'll have to be tested and probably have fertility treatments. She said it was pretty much a crap shoot as is. Not only am I messed up inside, but I'm on hormones just to regulate things. Like that time of the month things, if you know what I mean. So, yeah, kind of a done deal for me. Without the hormones, I have zero chance of a normal cycle and getting pregnant. With the hormones, I'm normal but basically, well, I'm on birth control pills."

"Wow, that's just, like, wow. I never heard of anything like that."

"Funny, you know there's probably a lot of single girls who would give anything not to have to worry about getting knocked up. They're out screwing everything that moves and here I am, I haven't had a decent date in years let alone had sex." Sam scoffed.

"Aw, Sam. I just can't believe you've had to go through that. That's terrible for anyone, but especially someone our age. It would be bad enough if we were, like, forty, but man, that's rough." He leaned toward her and pulled her in close with some kind of sideways, in a car front seat, around the gear shift, weird hug. She didn't resist but returned his embrace.

"So, I guess Alex is about as close as I'm ever gonna have to my own. Since she's my twin's kid, and that means she technically has half my DNA, even if she is my dorky sister and nub best friend's daughter." She smirked to tease him and moistened her lips like she always did before they kissed years ago. "So you'd better get used to me old boy. And the idea that I am not going to let you turn her into a nerd, too."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Sam." He was staring into her eyes and somehow drew his lips nearer to hers.

As their skin barely touched, each felt a thousand volts of electricity course throughout their bodies. Their hands never moved but he parted his lips slightly to deepen the kiss.

Suddenly, Sam's eyes shot open and she pulled back. "No. Freddie, stop."

"I'm sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have . . . " He moved away, ashamed of himself for taking advantage of her vulnerability.

"We can't. Um, this isn't right." She turned away to face the car window.

"I know. You're right. It's just, I miss you. And I've missed your lips and your touch. But I shouldn't be taking advantage of you when you're like this. I'm so sorry. I am such a jerk."

"You're not taking advantage, Frednub. And I want to kiss you too. But I can't. You're married. It isn't right. I don't' want to be that kind of girl, Freddie. No matter how much I'm attrac . . ."

He cut her off. "If it's because I'm married, please don't feel that way. What I had with Mel is over. She's the mother of my child, period. We might be married on paper but I'll never be able to share what I once did with her."

She turned back and leaned slightly to him. "That's part of it. But I'm afraid too, Freddie. Every time we try dating and break up, we end up not only hurting each other but hating each other. I love you too much to ever want to hate you again." She said as he leaned in and brought their foreheads to one another. "And I cannot live with the risk of messing up our friendship again."

It was awkward to say the least but both turned on a happy face by the time they made it back to Bushwell and stopped by Spencer's to pick up Alex. "You coming over?" Freddie asked as he and Alex headed for the door.

"As soon as I finish my ice cream." She held up a spoon and kept her eyes trained on the TV screen where she and Carly were watching some reality show.

After Alex was in bed, The two sat on the couch. Things weren't any different than usual. Freddie still wanted to verify Sam's mood. "You alright? After a while ago."

"Yep." She answered short.

"OK then. I'm sorry again." Obviously he wasn't going to not talk about it.

"Look, I get it. I know mama's irresistible and to tell you the truth, I guess kissing wouldn't be the worst thing. But I've been with you before and I know kissing leads to touching, touching leads to full on groping and next thing clothes are coming off. And I am not going to do chiz like that with some dude who's married. I don't care if it's you or who it is. Understand?"

"I get it Sam." He simply said. "As long as we're together, friends, couple, casually dating, or committed, I'm good."

"Me, too." She verified with a slight shrug.

"But just so you know, that if you ever get some overwhelming desire to have another kiss. I'd be OK with it." He smirked.

She simply smirked and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Maybe someday. Nub."


It was some time later, for Alex's seventh birthday, that Melanie made a return. She had called Freddie and told him she was coming to town for a long weekend and made arrangements with her mom to stay there.

Her first stop was at Bushwell to see her daughter. It was evening when she arrived and, of course, Sam was at the Bensons' as usual. Marissa had been released from the therapy hospital and was back to her usual routine, having went back to work the week before. The middle aged woman didn't mind the way Sam hung out at their place more than her own. Since her injury she and Sam had definitely gotten closer and she was glad to see someone else in Freddie's life, even if they were just friends.

Sam was busy cooking their dinner for everyone and it didn't take Melanie very long to let her imagination run away with her. She invited Freddie to step out into the hall to have a private talk out of the earshot of a nearly seven year old.