The Wolf you Feed

Chapter 47

Rowan stirred the small fire that was burning in the center of her teepee. She used a long wooden spoon to scoop out a small pile of the darkest ashes, placing them in a small bowl. Before she began, she had prepared herself to deal with her conflicting feelings. Mixing warpaint was something Rowan had sworn she would never do again. But instead of the mixed emotions she had expected, a strange calming sensation had washed over her the moment she lit the ceremonial fire. The bad memories and flashbacks she had been expecting to relive had stayed deeply buried in the past. That had been a different time and she had mixed the warpaint for a different reason. Instead of feeling scared and apprehensive like she had back then, Rowan felt relaxed. She felt small and insignificant. But not in a bad way. More like she was part of something larger than herself. Something so large and encompassing that she could not begin to comprehend even her small part in it.

Traditionally, the battle preprations would have started with a hunt. But due to the member of hilltop that had been kidnapped, they were on a time constraint. There was no time to hunt. Instead of looking for a deer, Rowan's father had picked out one of her goats to sacrifice instead. There was a smallish white male goat that had already been cast out of the main herd by his larger and more aggressive father. He had already been marked as one of the herd that Rowan intended to use for meat during the winter. Rowan nodded her approval at his choice. But then she had headed quickly inside to start the fire. She had no desire to watch as the animal was killed. Aaron had already promised her he would take the animal to Olivia so the rest of the meat and pretty white hide wouldn't go to waste.

The flap that served as the door to the teepee was lifted open from outside. Rowan turned, her attention now focused on the opening. One by one, the members of what Rick had named his 'assault team' entered the small space. Some had asked to be included. Some Rick had gone to and asked them to help. But either way, he and he alone had personally decided who was going on this particular mission. Deanna had agreed to this without any objections. Rowan guessed that while the woman knew what they were going to do, she really didn't have any desire to be part of the specifics. Battle tactics and physical fights were her area of expertise.

Daryl entered first, circling around and taking a seat to Rowan's left. This was a serious ceremonial occasion so she greeted the man only with a small nod of her head. Rick came in close behind him and also quickly took a seat. Unlike Daryl, he wasn't sure what to expect and glanced at the small bowls full of colored powder in front of Rowan with open curiosity. Tony came in after Rick. He had turkey feathers twined into his mohawk that Rowan guessed Rosie had put there. The young woman believed feathers brought good luck.

So far, Rowan had not been surprised by anyone that entered. She hadn't been included in selecting the members of Rick's assault team. But she felt she had a fairly good idea of who he was going to choose. But out of everyone in town, Rowan had not been expecting to see the man that entered next.

Spencer ducked inside. Rowan had to try hard to conceal her look of surprise. Deanna is going to kill Rick for this. Spencer's hair was not long enough for feathers but he had a small bunch of them hanging from a thin black cord around his neck. Rowan guessed the man also had a small braid of Rosie's hair in his pocket. For protection.

Abraham and Sasha came in next, sitting close together. Rowan was only half surprised when Carl and Enid came in after them. They were young but unlike many others, already tested in battle. There was a pause in the procession. Rowan's father stepped in. She expected him to close the flap but instead he held it open for Carol so the petite woman could squeeze in behind him. She looked skeptical but sat down in the rough circle with everyone else, curious to see what was going to happen. Rowan's father had a wooden bowl in his hand that was full of what looked like raw meat. He set the bowl down next to Rowan and took his place to her right.

Rick looked around the small space at the group he had chosen. At first glance the people around him would not have appeared intimidating to a stranger. Most of them did not look fierce or scary. But Rick knew his people better than a stranger. He could almost feel the power emanating from them. He had picked the right group. They were ready.

Rick turned his attention to Rowan. Though he knew her better now, she was still unpredictable. He was interested to see what she was going to do. All he knew about the battle ceremony was that the insides of a dead goat were going to be involved in some way. No one had offered up any further information.

Rowan was sitting cross legged, staring into the fire. She closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she threw a small satchel into the fire. The flames quickly devoured the little bag. Its contents changed the feel and smell of the smoke from regular campfire to something else.

Rick shifted his weight nervously. After his experience with peyote, Rick was concerned about what type of smoke Rowan might be having everyone breathe in. He didn't want to ingest anything that would affect his ability to concentrate on the task ahead of him. But when Rick finally took a deep breath, all he smelled was a pleasant woody odor with an undertone of citrus. The smoke was nothing more than the same incense Michonne burned to keep their room from smelling like dirty diapers.

Rowan picked up a small bowl of what looked like charcoal and held it in front of her. She closed her eyes. Rick saw that her father, Tony and Daryl had all closed their eyes and bowed their heads as if to pray. He followed their example and did the same.

Rowan's accent was thicker than normal when she spoke.

"Spirit of the Wolf,

You who stalks in silent shadows,

Between the moss covered trees,

Lend me your primal strength."

When she was done with the short prayer, she spit into the bowl she was holding and then began to mix up the black paste with her fingers. She applied the paint to her own face first, smearing black over her closed eyes and extending it out to the sides like she was wearing a mardi gras mask. When Rick looked closer he could see the shape pointed up towards the center of her forehead and reached down onto the bridge of her nose. The sides flared out like wings. Rick smiled a little to himself. The shape was fitting given the woman's habit of flying away from trouble. She had made herself into a raven. The design was completed with a small black vertical line in the center of her bottom lip.

Rowan turned and painted her father's face next. She went over the scar on his forehead in yellow, making the W appear to be more like a sideways lightning bolt. The rest of his forehead down to under his eyes she painted in black. In more yellow, she extended the corners of his mouth straight down and filled it in, making a yellow square where his goatee would be if he had one.

"The mark on his head," Tony whispered, "it's a sowilo." He could see Rick's obvious interest in what Rowan was painting. The symbol they all had carved in their heads had originally been the wiccan rune for victory. As it looked similar to a W, over time it had come to mean that they were members of the wolves. Rowan had started out painting it on for luck before they went on supply runs. When she started refusing to paint them anymore her father had used his knife and carved the symbols instead. "Sowilo is the symbol of victory," Tony explained, "the yellow means he's ready to fight to the death." Rick nodded his thanks to Tony for explaining. He was curious now what his own paint job would look like.

The designs were simple and it didn't take Rowan long before everyone's face was painted. Only Carol had objected to the ceremonial markings. This conflict was quickly solved by Rowan's father. Without saying a word, the man grabbed Carol by the arm with one hand and dipped the finger of his other hand into the black charcoal paste. He then drew one straight line down the middle of her face. Rick noticed that oddly enough the not only did Carol allow this rough treatment without a fight but after Rowan's dad finished forcefully painting her face, she sat closer to him. There was something strange going on between them, Rick could almost smell it. But whatever it was, it had nothing to do with their current mission and probably wasn't any of his business anyway.

Rick couldn't see his own face, but when he checked later he saw Rowan had painted the top of his face white with black lines and what he now knew were yellow sowilos on each cheek. They looked more like lightning bolts when placed vertically and he had been happy to see he looked more intimidating and less comical than he thought he might.

Rowan dumped the remaining paint into the small fire and sat down. She picked up the bowl of raw meat that her father had sat down next to her when he entered. Using a knife with an ornate carved handle, she sliced the meat up into 11 small equal pieces. One for each of them. She took one for herself and held it in her hand as she handed the bowl to Daryl. Seeing that they were holding the meat but not eating it yet, Rick grabbed the smallest chunk he could find and did likewise. It was not just any meat. Now that Rick was holding it he could see that it was a raw goats liver. Even fresh it was pungent and not in a good way. He held out a small bit of hope that he would be able to toss his piece into the fire instead of being expected to eat it. Even with the face paint on, it was clear that Rick was not the only person grossed out by the small smelly chunk of organ meat. Abraham was holding his piece away from his body, his nose wrinkled up like he was holding a turd instead of food.

"Maybe we should get some of the kids marshmallow sticks for these wasichu?," Rowan's father suggested with a laugh. Daryl snorted, unable to hold in his laughter. Rowan gave her father a dirty look before turning to Daryl and making sure the two of them were done being disruptive. Daryl shrugged his apology, a small smirk still showing on his face under his warpaint.

Rowan held her piece of meat out towards the fire. Rick followed her example and did the same. His hand was close enough that he could feel the heat of the fire but not close enough to burn him or cook the meat. She spoke in sioux this time. Her father repeated each line in English so that everyone in the circle would understand what was being requested of the great earth mother.

"When I run let me run like a deer,

When I hide let me hide like a fox,

When I strike let me strike like a rattlesnake,

And when we fight let us fight together as wolves."

"Together!," Daryl echoed. He took his piece of meat and tossed it into his mouth. Tony ate his liver piece, swallowing the offering whole without chewing. Then he threw his head back and howled. The energy was catching and Rick found himself eating his small piece of meat with excitement instead of the disgust he had been feeling towards the smelly item just moments before.

"Together!," Rick yelled once he finished chewing. Abraham laughed as he tossed the meat into his mouth. Then he tossed his big ginger head back and let out a large howl of his own. When he was done, he leaned in towards Sasha and followed his howl with some growling and barking. The high energy was contagious. Like the volume had suddenly been turned up, everyone inside the teepee began talking and shouting and howling at once.

Rick guessed this was the first time that anyone outside Rowan's small family group had taken part in this ritual. He felt honored to be included and grateful in that moment for the trust that had been slowly built and was now being formally solidified between his group, Deanna's people and Rowan's family. They were all different. But stronger for it. He was hopeful that their relationship with Hilltop would come to be as fruitful. But before that could really begin, they had a job to do.