Disclaimer: I only own my OCs.


Authoress: Oh! I am so excited for this! So much chaos to come!

Sentinel: *glances at Authoress* You aren't going to make your readers become mentally unstable...are you?

Authoress: *smirks* It depends. I honestly found this chapter to be very refreshing and I am going to enjoy this.

Trecke: *thinks* My love, basing on the Authoress' reaction to past times, I have a feeling that her lovely self may be scarring her readers.

Sentinel: *faceplate-palms* Of course she is.


Chapter 3: Psychotic Madness

Megatron's 1st P.O.V.

I focused as I surveyed the battlefield in front of me. Team Orion, which I found out was the name of the Prime's team that first defeated me here on this planet, was here and actively fighting my troops. While I watched them, however, I found myself wondering. How was I defeated by this team in the first place? They seemed disorganized and didn't seem to have the capacity to fight as a solid functioning unit.

There were small groups of them that worked alright together, however. The two Primes seemed to be able to predict each other. Their designations were Optimus and Elita if I remembered correctly. They seemed like the most trained warriors against us right now, but it wasn't much. They were facing Starscream and he didn't seem to be having too much difficulty with the two of them.

Then there was the group of the space bridge technician and supposed 'warrior' of the team and this team's supposed 'scout'. However, while the two of them seemed to work alright together, their training was severely lacking. The yellow and black bot didn't seem to have many qualities that a scout was supposed to have. He was loud, impatient, and seemed to miss many details in fighting that would be helping both himself and his partner fight Shockwave and Blitzwing. Then the 'warrior' himself didn't seem to know much about fighting period. Sure, he was throwing punches, but they were clumsy and skewed. Both of their names were Bumblebee and Bulkhead…the scout and the warrior respectively.

Lockdown seemed to be the only one having a real challenge with his fight, and it was against the cyber-ninja known as Prowl and the intelligence agent called Arcee. It was strange but, from the files we had, Prowl was a bot who preferred to work as alone as possible. Yet, he was working very well with the femme called Arcee, who was the newest bot to join this team. However, Lockdown didn't seem to be in any danger from the two and he seemed to be enjoying the challenge. No need for me to jump in.

Like the old medic, Ratchet, and the young techno-organic known as Sari Sumdac, I was watching the battle in case I needed to step in. Even a lucky hit from this team could hurt one of my Decepticons and I had to be ready to jump in.

I was not perfect, that I knew. I had fallen from what I had been fighting against and I had dragged the Decepticons with me. Instead of fighting against tyranny and the class system, I had become the very embodiment of it. Still to this solar I did not know how I was still followed by the loyal bots that I had. Now I had to make amends.

When I had first escaped from Trypticon Prison, with the help of a very unexpected ally, I had planned on meeting with the rest of the Decepticons gathered on the planet Chaar. However, I realized that something drew me back to this planet and, from experiences in my distant past, I knew to never ignore those kinds of feelings. So, I had set our ship on a course to this planet. We were able to arrive undetected and our new base here on Earth was almost complete. Once that was done, then I would work on increasing the number of Decepticons here. Earth, already having a space bridge, would make an ideal location to take over and act as a transport point to attack Cybertron. I would return my Decepticons to Cybertron one solar. They deserved that and more and, as their leader, I would give it to them.

"Augh!" I glanced toward the fight between Shockwave, Blitzwing, Bulkhead, and Bumblebee and saw that they scout had taken a hit from Shockwave's cannon. Not enough to offline him immediately, but I saw that the medic and the techno-organic were already running to the yellow and black bot while the big bot, Bulkhead, knocked Shockwave out of the way.

However, Blitzwing was able to punch the big bot out of the way and, slowly, Blitzwing approached the medic, techno-organic, and the injured scout. I could see that Random was the predominate personality out for the triple changer and that meant that this was going to be interesting. Since the others were stable on their fights, I paid attention as Blitzwing drew closer to the three bots.

"Oh! Lookie at zhe bots here!" Random let out with a laugh. "Zhey're just like a bunch of piñatas!" He then let out another laugh before I heard the telltale sign of his faceplate changing.

"Shut up jou idiot!" Hothead growled as he cracked his knuckle joints. "Ve need to take zhese Autobots out of zhe picture! I'm going to crush zhem to pieces! Zhey'll be nozhing but iron filings when I am done vith zhem!"

Random then took back over. "Just like servo salad! I love servo salad! Especially wizh zhe iron filings!" He then let out another laugh.

"Oh, but you left out the best part of a servo salad!" I jumped, and so did most of the others, when a new voice said that. Was there somebot else here? I took a glance out at the battlefield near Blitzwing and I found my answer as a black truck with red and gray markings suddenly sped toward Blitzwing before it transformed. The mech that used to be the truck landed on Blitzwing's shoulders before leaning to look at Blitzwing's faceplate. "You forgot the wing-bit croutons!"

Who the frag was that?! "Get off my shoulders, jou slagging Autobot!" Hothead yelled as he stumbled backward. This new mech was punching the sides of Blitzwing's helm and he looked like he was in trouble. Who was this new mech? I hadn't seen him before and, just from that sentence, he seemed as crazy as Blitzwing was. That wasn't something that you normally saw from the Autobots. They usually didn't tolerate bots that were 'different'.

But, my soldier was in trouble and, since the Autobot Bulkhead was starting to get up, I needed to get into the battle. Taking out one of my swords, I charged forward to intercept the big bot. Blitzwing would be able to get the smaller psychotic mech off his shoulders.

However, before I got that far, two more vehicles arrived and transformed. One I recognized as the Prime known as Sentinel. He had only been on Earth a few times, but he seemed to be more observant this time around. Could the strange mech that attacked Blitzwing be one of this Prime's teammates? And who was the dark teal car mech with sea green and tan markings?

"My love, Fable is making a nuisance of himself again." The teal mech addressed Sentinel Prime. Love? Maybe there was more than one unstable mech on the Autobot side. Seemed impossible but I hadn't even expected one, nevertheless two. But, since there was one, then there wouldn't be much of a stretch to think that there were two of them.

Sentinel Prime glanced at Fable, who was now on ground level fighting Blitzwing while Bulkhead tried to keep up with Shockwave, before he shook his helm. "Fable is doing alright for now Trecke, where does the situation look like we should interfere?"

This Prime was more…focused, then I remembered him being. I had a feeling that he was the leader of the team that was made up of this Fable character and this Trecke character. Not the sort of bots that I pictured on the blue, silver, and orange bot's team but, from how they were working together, I could tell that they were in sync. The mech facing Blitzwing, Fable, would use pauses in his fight to glance toward Sentinel and Trecke to see how he should move. As for the other two,

I brought up one of my blades as Trecke slashed at me with both of his. Did he really expect to land that hit? "Maybe next time little Autobot." I taunted him as I threw him back.

"Like now?" I glanced down with slightly widened optics as the Prime charged at me with his shield exposed and, before I could react, he slammed me with his shield, sending me sliding back quite a few paces.

That was nicely planned. The mech Trecke seemed to have attacked me in a flurry to join the battle but he was ready with a plan that allowed the Prime to hit me with an attack and send me back. We had to reevaluate the situation on Earth, and quickly. This new team was not on my radar before this solar and I could see now that I needed to find out more about them. They were organized, and, unlike Optimus' team, they seemed capable of working together smoothly.

Movement from in front of me caused me to take out my second sword. I tried to not fight with a dual-sword technique often since it was difficult to manage, and I usually needed to use only one on my enemies. However, I had to use both swords to block the attacks that were launched simultaneously by Sentinel Prime and Trecke. While they didn't cause me to lose any more ground, I was having to focus to hold them both back.

After a bit, I was able to shove the two Autobots back and launch into the air. This fight was not what it started out as and I needed to pull my Decepticons out now. "Decepticons, fall back to base now." I then waited for the others to react to my order.

Starscream reacted first by disengaging with Optimus Prime and Elita-One Prime before grabbing Lockdown, who had disengaged from his fight, and jumping into the air. Then, Shockwave stood back from his fight and moved over to Blitzwing, who had just thrown the mech called Fable from his shoulders…again. Once Shockwave was by Blitzwing, Blitzwing grabbed the mech before jumping into the air.

Of course, Blitzwing wanted to get the last word in. "We'll finish this later…Fable." Then, Icy was replaced by Random. "Zhen, we get to do some more cha-cha-cha!" Random then let out a cackle of laughter

In return, the Autobot smirked at the triple changer. "You can count on that Blitzwing baby!" The Autobot then started to laugh as uncontrollably as Random normally did. I needed to do some more research on this seemingly three-bot team. For now, though, we needed to return to the base.

Trecke's 1st P.O.V.

I watched with careful optics as the Decepticons disappeared in the horizon. That was a strange confrontation with them. When we had left the base, I had advised Sentinel to send Fable ahead of us to take in the battle and to help with injuries, if there were any that needed his attention. My love and leader agreed with this strategy and sent Fable ahead of us to report back how the battle was faring. From what he sent before interjecting in the battle was not promising for us. Optimus' 'super team', as I heard them called on Cybertron before we had left, were fighting poorly. According to Fable's report to me, they didn't seem to be fighting as a team but, instead, as individual units.

So, Fable had been his annoying self and had distracted the triple changer from taking advantage of a break in the battle that leaned in the favor of the Decepticons. My…teammate had then proceeded to take on the triple changer as Sentinel and I arrived. While I felt it was reckless, my leader seemed to realize that pitting one psychotic maniac against another was probably the best way to approach this situation.

And my love and leader seemed to be correct in this decision. Fable was able to keep the equally insane Decepticon at bay while my love and I joined forces and attacked the leader of the Decepticons. When we had pulled up to the battle, I saw that Megatron was on edge and would probably be prepared for a head-on attack. So, I had told my leader that he should follow in behind me, so I could act as a bluff until my love could come up to us. Megatron would not be prepared for two attacks coming one right after the other. I was proven right, and my love was able to push the leader of the Decepticons back in a fair fight.

Now, however, there were tensions between our team and Team Orion. Their medic, Ratchet, had just finished patching up Bumblebee and now our two teams were facing each other. I bet they were now realizing how unremarkable their battle skills truly were. The great Team Orion, the team that brought down Megatron and his top lieutenants. Ha! From what I had been seeing so far, my love, Fable, and I could have done a much better job of defeating Megatron than these idiots were. However, since they had, these fools were arrogant. Oh, I planned on teasing these Autobots…calling them my love and all. But I wouldn't mean it like I did with everybot else I met.

These…I was hesitant to even call them Autobots but that was the best that I had, the leader of these Autobots and his second in command were responsible for the offlining of the first member that my love and leader had added onto our team. That was a crime that even Fable, the slagger, couldn't commit. While I wasn't a fan of Fable, he was just as loyal to our leader as I was. That allowed me to tolerate him. I knew why I couldn't try to like Fable. He was too close to,

"Well you all took your sweet time getting here." Elita-One Prime huffed at us. I could see that she had a few scrapes but nothing that would warrant her to talk like that. If any of these bots had a right to be upset at our late arrival, it would be the yellow scout with a big mouth. He had been injured right before our arrival and that injury may have been prevented if we had been here faster. To my surprise, however, the yellow bot was keeping quiet and kept glancing between Fable and me. From the almost panicked look in his optics, I had a feeling that he was wondering which of us two would remind that ignorant femme of the situation in the battle when we did arrive. "We pretty much had the Decepticons on the run and then you three just decide to just waltz in."

A growl slipped my vocals at the insult against my love. Sentinel Prime was worthier of his title than the two of them put together and I would not take it any longer. It looked like I would snap first. "I doubt that the Decepticons would have left if we hadn't had showed up. You all look worse than," My leader holding up his servo caused me to pause in my speaking before I glanced at him. He looked like he was barely restraining himself and my outburst wasn't helping. When I glanced at Fable, I could see that he was planning something. Since I had taken care of the outburst retaliation, I was sure that Fable would deal with her himself later.

But, we had to be wary. Our Prime was uncomfortable in this situation as it was, and we shouldn't give the other two Primes too much ammunition to use against him. We had to protect him. The two of us had sworn our very sparks to him and I knew that we would both protect him…even at the cost of our own.

For now, though, we had to get through this challenge. "Optimus, are your teammates alright?" My love asked the other Prime slowly and deliberately.

In return, the red and blue Prime nodded. "Yes. Bumblebee will have to be scanned when we get back to base and maybe have a few minor repairs, but he will be fine. How about your team?"

Sentinel took a quick glance at Fable and I before saying, "We are well. Since we had this battle with the Decepticons, I believe I will allow my team to have the rest of the solar to explore the city, whether that be in their bot forms or in their soliform. I will be exploring this city as well." That was a fine way for our leader to tell us that he would prefer that Fable and I explore the city in our soliforms, and away from him. That would give him some time to gather his thoughts about the battle.

It would also allow Fable and me to have some fun and absorb some human culture at the same time. I wasn't sure about Fable, but I was going to return to base and drop off my body before I used my soliform and explored. Humans had a few hubs of intelligence, one called the internet, and as a tactician, I needed to learn about different approaches to tactics, and I had a feeling that human ones would be unique.

Bumblebee's 1st P.O.V.

I couldn't stop thinking. It was weird. When I usually finished fighting the Decepticons, I usually wanted to talk about how much fun it was to fight and how good I did. But, as I sat here on the med berth, I couldn't think about anything like that. Sentinel's team…they were interesting. Yeah, they both scared me at times…especially their medic…Fable, but this solar caused me to realize that they were more than psychotic mechs.

While Elita wasn't happy that Sentinel's team had shown up later than we thought they would, I had a view that showed me that they really were a team. Since they didn't have a scout yet, Fable had acted as their scout…my position, and had seen that we weren't doing as well in the battle as Elita and Optimus would have us believe. So, he had waited for the right moment before he had intercepted Blitzwing and, while that scene of the to psychotic mechs would give me nightmares, Fable had been able to keep Blitzwing away from us while Ratchet worked on healing me.

Then, Sentinel and Trecke had come onto the field and had gone after Megatron…the only Decepticon that wasn't participating in the battle yet. Trecke had attacked first, which had distracted Megatron, before he caused Megatron to move in a way that opened him up to attack from Sentinel. They had worked like they were reading each other's processors. From where I was laying so Ratchet could patch me up, I could watch as Fable, Sentinel, and Trecke kept checking on each other with looks. They were keeping tabs on each other.

When I thought back to when I was fighting Blitzwing, I realized that I had only been focused on fighting Blitzwing. I didn't know how any bot else on my team had been fighting and if they might have needed help. They could have been in trouble and I wouldn't have had any idea.

"Kid, you look too deep in thought." I jumped and looked up to see Ratchet walking up to me with his scanner. I laid down as Ratchet started to scan my chassis. "So, what has your processor working overtime?"

I glanced up at Ratchet and realized that he was the only one among us that had any past interaction with one of the other bots on Sentinel's team besides Sentinel. "Hey Ratch, how did you meet Sentinel's medic?"

The old medic looked like he wanted to offline me for a nano. But then he grew a thoughtful look, which was kinda scary, before saying, "Well, I haven't known him long. When we returned with Megatron, I was visiting one of my past apprentices at Maccadams when a brawl broke out. My apprentice had immediately jumped in and I had to try and drag her out. Unfortunately, my wrist joint got injured. I didn't know the mech was psychotic at the time but he was there and saw that I was injured. He gave me a datapad to sign and asked me to read it first. Well, I didn't want to waste time in reading the datapad and just signed it. I figured it was a waver to make sure that Fable wouldn't be blamed if something went wrong that he couldn't have prevented. But, he ended up taking off my servo."

"He took it off right there?" I asked in surprise. The mech was crazy, but I didn't think he would have taken Ratchet's servo off right there at Maccadams.

Ratchet then nodded his helm. "Scared me that's for sure. But, in hindsight, he did remove it perfectly. He fixed it away from my chassis and I just sat there and watched. It felt different to see my servo being fixed away from my chassis. He put a dummy servo on my arm and I had to find another medic to undo the work since the bouncers at Maccadams had already removed Fable before he could finish. I didn't realize that he was a part of Sentinel's team until he walked off their ship the other solar." Ratchet then looked back at me. "But, why do you want to know about Fable?"

I glanced away from Ratchet for a nano before looking back at him. This wasn't going to be easy to admit out loud but it was what I felt and I had a feeling that Ratchet might understand what I was going through. "Well, I was watching them during the fight with the Decepticons and…well…the three of them seemed like a better team than all of us are."

Instead of lecturing me, Ratchet gave me a curious look before walking up to the monitor. "What do you mean by that Bumblebee?"

"What I mean is that they work better together as a group than we do. Yeah, I know we took down Megatron and his team before, but that was a lot of luck. We didn't have the kind of training that we needed to take on Megatron back then." This was hard for me to say. I was really proud of being able to say that I was able to be a part of the team that took down Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons. "But, we were losing Ratchet. Then I got hurt and, if it wasn't for Sentinel's team showing up when they did, then we might have lost really bad." I then sat up and looked at Ratchet, who I noticed was staring at me. "They were always checking on each other's condition while they were fighting and they were working in sync to push back the Decepticons."

Ratchet stayed quiet for a few clicks before he finally answered me. "Bumblebee, I'm surprised that you are the first one to talk to me about this. I noticed it back when we were fighting Megatron before, but our team is not as cohesive as it could be. From what I know, Sentinel has spent hundreds of stellar cycles looking for his perfect team. From what I have heard, after he accepted Trecke onto his team, he immediately began training with Trecke whenever they could. They were in the training rooms at least twice a solar and they practice however they can. I have no doubt that he has done the same with Fable. They put in hard training on simulators that push bots to their very limits."

That explained a lot. They were used to fighting with each other in the simulators and they were able to use that on the battlefield. However, I had a couple more questions that I hoped Ratchet would answer. "Ratchet…why do you think Sentinel hates our team so much? I mean, I get that we aren't as active as his team is when it comes to training, but that doesn't excuse how he has been treating us."

To my surprise, Ratchet looked at me in shock. "You mean you don't…?" Ratchet then paused. I don't what? Ratchet couldn't leave me hanging! "No, I guess you are too young to really have heard about what happened." Ratchet then walked next to the med berth I was on and sat on the one next to me. "Bumblebee, did you know that Optimus, Elita, and Sentinel were a part of a temporary team together when they became Primes?"

Yeah, I knew that. Boss bot told us when Sentinel first came with the Elite Guard and Sentinel avoided boss bot like the Cybonic Plague. "Yeah, Optimus said something about it when Sentinel first came here with the Elite Guard. Why?"

Ratchet then sighed. "Now before I start, realize that I don't have all the information. This is just what I heard." I nodded, wanting to hear the story. "About fifty stellars after the three of them became Prime, they were asked to make a supply run to the planet Vehicon. The run went fine but then one of the three suggested a trip to the Archa system…and specifically Archa 7. Archa 7 was an organic planet and so it was off-limits at the time. No bot else besides those three know what happened while they were there but, when they returned, they were punished by the council and their reputations were hurt badly."

"Do you think boss bot would tell us what happened? Like really happened?" I asked Ratchet.

The old medic shook his helm. "No. I tried once. He just got nervous and gave me a run-around answer before he changed the subject. Elita did the same. But, after the trial, Sentinel cut ties with Optimus and Elita and focused on making his team."

So, the only bot that might give me any information was Sentinel…and I could bet he wouldn't be sharing anything with us anytime soon. So, I moved on to my next question. "Ratchet, why did you stop Bulkhead from signing Fable's release form?" The mech had asked me to sign one but, since Ratchet had stopped Bulkhead from signing, I figured I had better not sign until I asked Ratchet why.

That turned Ratchet's mood to worried as he looked at me. "Why? You didn't sign one did you?" I shook my helm at that and he relaxed. Were they really that bad? "While I can't stop you from signing one, I want you to promise me that you will read it carefully and make sure you understand everything that is being said."

Right. Like I was going to read everything. "Why?" I asked him.

Ratchet gave me a look before taking a datapad out of his subspace. He handed it to me and I realized that this was a copy of the release he signed for Fable. "Look at this. I didn't read it until after Fable was taken out but I pretty much gave Fable permission to tear me apart limb to limb and then put me back together in any way that he wanted. I doubted that Bulkhead read the form and I bet that the mech has changed his form since I signed it. Read it if you think about signing it."

Okay, that might make me want to read the stupid form. I didn't want to be pede-less and servo-less! But, as I looked at Ratchet's form…I noticed something weird. "Hey Ratchet," He looked at me hesitantly now. Guess I was pushing my question asking limit. But…this was kind of important to him.

"What?" He asked me, probably to get me to answer.

I showed his release to him before saying, "Did you realize that there isn't an expiration date on this?"

His optics widened before he snatched the release from my servos and read it. And then read it again. And then he stood up in a panic. "I'm going to offline that medic if it's the last thing I do!" He yelled that as he ran out of the med bay.

…so, he really didn't read it.

Fable's 1st P.O.V.

I whistled as I strolled into the human park in my soliform. While it was tempting to stay in my bot form and harass Optimus' team more, I could see that my leader was near a breaking point and he needed to relax a bit. So, it would be best if I was in this form and explored. This human world was interesting, and I had a feeling that its people had a lot to teach even beings like us. We just had to learn to listen to them.

Once I was done walking around the park, I would check out one of their medical institutions. Human medicine seemed interesting and I wanted to make sure that I understood all that I could.

Of course, I was interested in more than just the medical aspect of human life. As I walked further into the park, I saw groups of humans participating in different physical activities with each other. Some were passing a strange orange sphere that bounced between each other. I would have to dissect that object to see if I could figure out how it works. Then, another group of humans was tossing a flat disc that was made of plastic between each other and, occasionally, their four-legged animal companion which I believed was called a 'dog'.

My thoughts were interrupted as the orange spherical object rolled to a stop in front of me. I picked it up and noticed that it had a slightly bumpy texture. When I dropped it, the sphere made a boing sound as it hit the ground before it returned to me. From the sound, I could tell that the sphere was filled with air. That might explain some of the properties of the sphere that I didn't understand.

"Hey dude, can you pass the ball?" I glanced up and saw a group of males who were around the same age that I made my soliform. The male in the middle of the group had his servo, which they called hands, raised into the air and was waving it at me. Since they were asking for this ball back, I guess it would not be nice to dissect it right now. So, I tossed the ball to them. Thankfully, I threw the 'ball' correctly and the one who had his servo up caught it. "Thanks, man!" The same male yelled.

I nodded toward them. "You are welcome!" I called back. According to Sentinel's notes from visiting this planet, that was the correct response. From how they waved and returned to their game, that seemed like the correct response.

Well, it seemed like I was ready to interact with humanity. So, I took a step back to return to the path when I bumped into someone and they let out a femme-like yelp. I turned around and saw a young human femme sitting on the ground with her bag next to her. She must have fallen when I ran into her. She had long golden brown hair and her fleshy covering was a pale color.

"Sorry! I should have been watching where I was going!" She apologized.

I shook my head and grabbed her bag before I offered her a hand to assist her in getting up. "No, I should have looked behind me before I walked. Are you alright?"

She took my hand and I helped her stand as she answered. "Yeah, I'm alright. Thanks for helping me up."

"It was no problem." I laughed before I motioned to myself. "My name is Raum Corvus. May I have your name?"

This human femme studied me for a nano before she smiled and nodded. "It's nice to meet you Raum, and of course you can." She then motioned to herself before she answered. "My name is Lizzie Val."


Authoress: Oh, I think I just had some more fun!

Fable: *confused* I don't understand how? *thinks* *smirks* Can I dissect you for the information?

Authoress: *sighs* No Fable. You are not allowed to dissect me.

Sentinel: Even though sometimes he should.

Authoress: *offended* Hey! That wasn't nice!

Trecke: But you didn't say that it wasn't true?

Authoress: *thinks* *shrugs*


AN: And here is the next chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it! I know I did. Lots of psychotic shenanigans right off the bat! What is Megatron going to do now that there is a new team...and one that might pose an even greater threat than Optimus'? Who can say for sure? Then we see some tensions in Trecke's view that might have held some small details for later. But those aren't important...right? Now, I did finally go to the point of view of a different character; Bumblebee! He seems to have noticed how Sentinel's team works and he is curious about it. Of course, the Autobots may have to worry about Ratchet killing Fable next time the two medics meet. XD Now, I don't think there was anything else that was important...

...well, they were important but I can't be saying much right now. I wonder how events are going to take place here in the future? Next chapter is going to be a blast though! Speaking on next chapter, however, I have decided to implement the sneak peek policy that I have started on Resolve of One. I will give you the names of the next two chapters and then leave you hanging for more. Of course, names can be deceiving so be careful with them. XD

Chapter 4: On Friendly Terms

Chapter 5: Meeting the Apocalypse

Chapter 6:...? (find out next time!)

That's all for now though. I hope you will all leave a review for me, even to say hi! I like reviews. They drive me to update sooner! Well, that's all for now. Until next time, TTYL! *listens to talk about crusades*