"...I`m just saying that Lyle had a point, you were practically pleading for a beatdown walking in public dressed like that."
"Yeah sure, I`ll take advice from the guy who led my sister and dog to a place with a bloodthirsty wolf waiting." Lincoln snarked.
"Will you two stop bickering!" Lynn barked as they reached the the backdoor of the Louds` house.
It was evening by the time they got back, as Lynn and Ryan had to find and dress up in football jerseys with shoulder pads, and helmets with face paint.
"We have to act casual. Like nothing major happened."
"I know." Lincoln agreed begrudgingly. "But why was he insisting to stay with us for the night?" he pointed his thumb at Ryan.
Ryan smirked. "Because, my dear pipsqueak, Renee might be a bore but she ain't stupid. One look at me and she`ll rat me out to mom and dad that I got into a scuffle. And I won't be of much use to you grounded, will I?"
Lincoln scowled in defeat.
"And you stayed at my place last night. Time to return the favor." Ryan shrugged.
"Just don't expect any peace and quiet at this place, bud." Lynn smirked as she opened the door only for a horde of chickens, and one fat turkey to come running out, clucking and running aimlessly through the yard.
The kids were dumbfounded, but Marceline waisted no time chasing after them. Charles, however, was too weak and tired to join her.
"What the?" a bewildered Lynn blurted.
"So your folks were chicken farmers before the divorce?" Ryan joked."Odd place to keep them."
Lincoln went silent. There was something oddly familiar about this. He then felt a wave of dread.
"No, no..." he thought desperately as he rushed into the kitchen. Looking at each other, Lynn and Ryan followed.
Once again, recent memories flooded back to Lincoln after seeing the sight in front of him.
The kitchen was covered in blotches of whipped cream and yolk, along with confetti, egg shells, spring snakes and a few banana peels everywhere on the floor. One of the cabinets was opened and covered in an exploded blotch of blue paint, a boxing glove on a spring was dangling limply from the wide open fridge and the table was tipped over.
Lynn quickly figured what went down as well, both dread and annoyance seeping through her.
Ryan whistled in amazement. "When you said things were crazy at your place you weren't kidding. Did a tornado pass through here or did your family throw one hell of a party?"
"Worse..." the jock moaned exasperatedly as they entered the living room. There they found the furniture nailed upside down to the ceiling.
Ryan`s face fell in disbelief and he pointed up. "Okay, who the hell did that? How and why the hell did they do that?"
Lynn blushed in embarrassment under her helmet. Before they even arrived, one of her sisters already went above and beyond to paint their home as a madhouse.
"This is bad, Lynn..." a nervous Lincoln came back "...I remember it. This year Luan had a fever during April Fools and..." he talked frantically.
"I remember." Lynn groaned and grabbed her helmet in annoyance. "So she had to reschedule her yearly little psycho episode, and wanted to keep it a surprise!"
Ryan blinked. "Kay, color me confused." he interjected. "Eh...so mind filling me in on what this deal with Funny Girl is? Why did she nail the couch to the ceiling?"
Before he could get an answer they all heard an evil cackle.
They turned and saw the comedian appear out of nowhere, sitting and dramatically turning around in a harlequin-themed spinning chair, with an evil smile and stroking a terrified Cliff.
Luan slowly shook her head.
"I`m impressed. You almost escaped the Prankmageddon." she monologued while pressing her fingers together, allowing the trembling cat to escape.
"I commend you for somehow figuring out when I was gonna strike. I couldn't locate you, but you made the fatal mistake of coming back, and you dragged this poor civilian into the prank zone." she chuckled sinisterly while gesturing at Ryan.
Ryan snickered. "Okay? What's with the Bond villain act?" He hadn't seen this side of Luan before. He kind of liked it.
Lynn groaned in extreme exasperation. "Look, Luan! We had a long, LOOONG day. We`re tired and we REALLY aren't in the mood for you dumb games." she declared while stepping ahead to face her sister.
Luan chuckled evilly and leaned down. "Pity to see such a long face. But the Queen of Comedy knows exactly how to put a smile on that face."
Lynn sighed. "You know what! Screw it!"
She pulled Luan up by the shirt and bashed her head against her sister`s five times over, as hard as she could. Lincoln gasped, Ryan only raised his brow.
With her helmet on, Lynn didn't feel a thing. But Luan`s villainous smile was soon replaced by a goofy grin as her pupils spun around and she started seeing stars.
"Uhh...I can see the cosmos...so pretty..." she babbled dizzyingly before closing her eyes and plopping to the floor.
"Problemo solved." Lynn smiled with satisfaction while dusting her hands. "Why didn't I think of doing this years ago?"
"That looked like it hurt." Ryan commented calmly.
"Lynn! What did you do!" Lincoln rushed to Luan`s side and turned her on her back.
"Yeah, I was enjoying her Dr Evil impression." Ryan quipped.
"Relax, Linc." Lynn retorted in a chill tone. "She`ll only have a splitting headache at worst. Besides, I`m tired and you know that nothing short of K.O-ing her could have stopped her when she's like this."
"Plus, she had this coming for years." the jock smirked. "And for making me wet the bed."
Lincoln opened his mouth to argue but paused to contemplate.
Lynn was absolutely right. Nothing else would have stopped Luan when she was in this state, and he loathed her April Fools shenanigans as much as anyone else. And having as few distributions from completing their mission as possible was much appreciated.
"Actually, you're completely right, Lynn." he admitted, completely changing his tune and smiled. "Good job."
"Lincoln? Lynn? Is that you?" they heard their mother calling and walking down the stairs.
"It`s mom! What do we do?!" Lynn panicked looking at her unconscious sister.
"Chill, guys." Ryan answered calmly. "We just need a shovel and a big trash bag..." he listed off his fingers but stopped when the siblings gave him mortified looks.
"Just kidding." he snickered. "Just place her next to the window. I`ll grab some banana peels."
Rita came down cautiously, shaking, with a pot on her head and carrying a toy shield and sword only to find the three, and Charles, standing casually in the living room with an unconscious Luan covered in a few banana peels.
"Hey, mom!" Lynn greeted her.
"Did we...eh...miss something?" Lincoln asked nervously.
Rita blinked incredulously.
Lynn looked up at the ceiling. "Eh...lemme guess: Luan decided to make up for being out of commission on April 1st today, right?"
"Wow.." Lincoln pretended to wipe sweat off his forehead. "Lucky us. We sure dodged a bullet, huh?
"But Luan seems to have slipped on her own banana peels, how ironic." Lynn smirked while glancing at the unconscious comedian.
Rita let out a long sigh of relief and dropped her "weapons". It was over. Thank god, the nightmare was finally over.
"You guessed, right..." she snickered uneasily, as if she was on the verge of a breakdown, as she removed the pot of her head.
"Ehh...did you two have a nice day?" she tried to be casual before noticing Ryan. "Oh...hello, and who might you be?"
"Ryan Taylor, the new kid on the block." he introduced himself.
"Oh, so you're the boy Lynn was talking about at dinner." Rita smiled. Lynn blushed and sent her mother a glare.
"That`s me, Lynn just showed me where the kids gather to play football."
"Yeah, that was one heck of a game. What a blast." the girl proclaimed and removed her helmet.
Her mother looked like she was about the have a heart attack after seeing her face.
"And me and Clyde went to an Ace Savvy convention, obviously." Lincoln interjected, pointing at his costume.
"The game got a bit rough but me and Ryan didn't mind, no pain no gain. It`s football after all." Lynn continued, trying to make light of the situation.
"You can say that again." Ryan removed his helmet and the already stunned Rita gasped and jolted from what she saw.
"Those...teeth..." she recoiled in horror as she stared at his mangled teeth, not that the rest of his face was much better to look at.
Ryan rolled his eyes, not exactly being surprised by her reaction.
Rita shook her head and composed herself. "I mean, wow, what a handsome, strapping young man you are. A pleasure to meet you." she corrected herself hastily and laughed nervously.
"Don`t hurt yourself with the compliments, Miss Thunder Thighs." Ryan thought snidely.
"And he was wondering if he could stay for a sleepover?" Lynn asked upfront while wrapping her arm around his shoulder. "Me and Linc stayed at his place. Now it's our turn to play host."
"Sleepover..." Rita asked awkwardly, still worried that she offended the boy. "Eh...sure, I don't see why not." she gulped.
"Thank you, ma`am. Not to worry, I`m always a well-behaved house guest. Well, me and my cat."
"Cat?" Rita blinked.
As if on cue, Marceline came in dragging a dead turkey by the neck before dropping it at the woman`s feet, making her take a step back uneasily.
"What a gal, ain't she. She came to show you our gratitude by catching dinner." Ryan quipped.
"Eh...thank you...you...eh...really shouldn't have." Rita told the feline uncomfortably.
Charles came to sniff the dead turkey and Rita went wide-eyed. "Goodness gracious! What happened to him?!"
"We had to...take him to the vet." Lincoln answered skittishly tugging his collar.
"We don't know what happened, we just found him wandering around, smeared with blood and rushed to the vet." Lynn elaborated. "Doc says he must have gotten into a fight with a bigger dog."
Rita couldn't believe it. Since when did Charles go off looking for fights?
"And here's the bill." Lynn handed her the paper. Rita cursed inwardly. They were already low on cash.
"Eh...you kids did the right thing. We should take him to get some rest." she took Charles in her arms before looking at Luan.
"Oh, and you might want to take Luan to her bedroom and find her a head bandage."
After that was done, Lincoln and Lynn came to ask their mother where the rest of the family was.
"The girls are still hiding in Lisa`s secret bunker. I was sent to see if the coast was clear." she explained, trying to hide the bitterness in her voice.
"Lisa made a secret bunker?!" Lynn blurted.
"You have a bunker?!" Ryan asked incredulously.
"And where's dad?" Lincoln asked.
"He...ughh went on a fishing trip with his friends this morning..." Rita replied, her tone growing more condescending "...eh...I`m so envying his luck right now." she tried to joke, but her frustration was hard to conceal.
Lynn and Lincoln looked at each other worriedly. They started remembering this day more and more. They remembered how when their father had returned he and their mother got into a heated argument, with Rita accusing him of fleeing to save his own hide.
Neither of them knew if Lynn Sr. was in on this, but it wouldn't have been the first time that their father was so scared of Luan`s Prankmageddon that he was willing to bargain.
Rita glared at the furniture stuck on the ceiling. "We`ll have to wait for him to come back and get those things... ugh down." she sighed and hung her head before surveying her home.
"You kids can go up and show Ryan around..." she sighed dejectedly "...I`ll just start cleaning the place up."
"We`ll help you mom!" Lincoln instantly volunteered.
"Yeah, just give us a mop, or a sponge, or a broom, anything really and we`ll get right on it!" Lynn joined in.
Ryan looked at them in disbelief. They couldn't be serious?
Rita blinked. "No, that won`t be necessary. I can do it alone, and I'm sure you must be tired-"
"Don`t be ridiculous, mom? I always have the energy to do a little physical work and this is too much work for a single person!" Lynn countered.
"Yeah, going to some dumb ol`convention is nothing compared to all the work you do around here for us. I might wear this flashy costume but you're the real here." Lincoln added.
"If this sentimental crap keeps going I`m gonna blow chunks." Ryan rolled his eyes.
Rita couldn`t believe her ears. It was as if someone else had possessed her children. Since when were they this helpful unless they were specifically ordered to do chores?
"Mom, don't be surprised." Lincoln smiled. "It`s not like we`re lazy layabouts or something like that. A little work never hurt anyone and it's no fair that you or dad should be stuck with all the work."
He meant everything he said, but he also hoped that his words at least planted the seeds of starting to change his mother`s mind regarding the state of her life and her marriage.
"Exactly, if you need some heavy lifting I`m the perfect assistant for you. And I can work for as long as you need me without breaking a sweat!" Lynn boasted proudly before pulling Ryan closer by his arm.
"And Ryan too loves helping people with their housework, he`s a real good samaritan! He lives to help!"
Ryan started sweating with unease. "Lynn, what are you talking about? I didn't come here to do menial-"
Lynn sent him a sharp glare that said "Shut your trap!"
"And he`s so modest about it! So much so that he`s sometimes too shy to ask people if they need his assistance. Like close friends...who`ll never speak to him again if he doesn't cooperate!" she whispered the latter part to him.
He sighed in defeat. "Yeah. Sure. Give me a mop." he droned dejectedly.
"Lincoln, sweetie, you can change out of your costume if you want to? I don't want you to get it dirty or anything." a gelatin-smeared Rita told her son as she exited the bathroom holding a mop.
Lincoln was dragging a large sack filled with all the excessive junk he found left behind by Luan`s Prankmageddon.
"No, mom, no. I...like doing good deeds in this suit..." he replied as he laboriously dragged the sack down the stairs. "I`m following Ace Savvy`s example and the costume makes me feel like a real superhero." he elaborated breathlessly.
The real reason was that the mask helped conceal his black eye, he still hadn't thought of a proper cover story for it. Working for hours in this suit was anything but breezy.
Rita chuckled warmly. "Well alright then, sweetie. You`ll be my little superhero." with that she ventured back into the bathroom.
Ryan, who had heard the conversation from the kitchen where he was cleaning the furniture with a sponge, gagged with nausea. He glanced at Lynn who was picking up all the junk of the floor and throwing it into a trash bag.
"You owe me one for this, Lynn." he bemoaned as he scrubbed another blotch of whipped cream from the window.
"Quit yammering, a little hard work never killed anyone." the jock huffed.
"And you promised you would help us no matter what." she pointed out as she threw a bunch of banana peels into her bag.
"I meant preventing past mishaps from happening, not doing menial labor." the boy retorted.
"This is preventing a past mishap. Less work for mom cleaning up ground zero, meaning she`ll be happier today."
"And you couldn't have simply remembered Brace Face`s little escapade and knocked her out this morning?" Ryan pointed out the obvious.
Lynn glared and placed one hand on her hip. "Hey, me and Linc aren't supercomputers, we can't remember every little event of the past."
Ryan glanced back at the upside down furniture on the living room`s ceiling.
"I`d hardly call this a "little event"." the boy replied with a snide smile only to receive a handful of whipped cream flung into his face.
"Less chatting, more working!" Lynn ordered him and resumed her work.
Ryan sighed before tasting the cream on his face. "Hmmm...a bold taste of banana with a sprinkling of coconut, not bad."
Sweating profoundly, Lincoln finally reached the bottom of the stairs. There he spotted Charles laying on his little cushion bed. Lincoln took a momentary break and bent down to pet him.
"Hey, Charles. I heard you were very heroic today." he spoke softly. The bull terrier eyes drifted up to look at him while he whimpered meekly.
"You`re a good dog, and I promise you. None of you guys will be going to the animal shelter this time." Lincoln promised him before resuming dragging his sack out of the house and towards the dumpster.
Cliff, meanwhile, came through the doggy door after making sure that Luan was gone. He approached the resting dog and tilted his head in confusion. Why was Charles wearing a white funnel on the head?
Then his nose picked up another sent, an unfamiliar and alarming one. Another cat was in the house, in his territory! Feeling threatened, the black cat followed the scent upstairs.
Hearing the sound of ribbiting in the twins` room, Marceline was clawing at the door but it was closed. Then she heard the sound of a plastic ball rolling.
She turned and saw Geo rolling by in his hamster ball. Liking her chops, the savannah pinned the ball with one paw.
The rodent squeaked in panic as the cat tried to bite him only for the round surface to deflect her jaw. Marceline lied down, purring, and held the hamster ball in place with both paws and was studying it, trying to find a weak spot.
Cliff found her. With his ears folded and his hair raised he approached her in a crouched down position, growling threateningly.
But the female seemed oblivious to his presence even as he was right in front of her, she was more concerned gnawing at the hamster ball.
Cliff hissed and bared his fangs, no reaction. He meowed angrily, still nothing. He tried mock lunges, still nothing.
His pupils dilating and his tail puffing up, Cliff finally clawed her on the flank. This got her attention and she released Geo, who rolled away in fear.
Both Cliff`s ears and tail fell limp as Marceline stood up and was towering over him, growling. The tom backed away and realized that the defending your territory thing might be overrated.
He ran like the wind through the hall with Marceline in hot pursuit. Cliff ran into the only open room he could find.
Inside, a dizzy Luan had just staggered out of bed, clutching her bandaged head.
"Ughhh...where am I?" she groaned.
No sooner did she say that two furry blurs zigzagged trough her dark room before running in a circle around her legs, tipping the confused comedian off balance.
"Whoa-Wow!" Luan shouted before hitting her head against the bed`s frame. Once again she was seeing stars.
"Goodnight, Royal Woods!" she rambled before blacking out again.
Cliff jumped out of the window and onto a tree branch, scaled down the tree and landed on the safe door of the bunker, followed by Marceline.
Inside the bunker, the girls winced in fear after hearing two loud thumps.
"I told you! That lunatic got mom! Now she`s taunting us!" Lola panicked while rocking back and forth curled up in a fetal position.
"She`s been gone for hours, man!" a worried Luna pointed out.
"And where are Lincoln, Lynn and dad? They were gone all day!" Lana was on the verge of crying.
Lori huffed and folded her arms angrily. "They ran off to save their own skins! Dad went fishing this morning and the two twerps ran off to a sleepover last night! What a coincidence? No doubt that brace-wearing psycho bribed them into helping her in exchange for their freedom!"
"Isn`t a bride a woman who's getting married?" Leni asked innocently prompting Lori to facepalm.
"Alright, girls! We`ve been hiding here all day long and I can't stand sitting here for another second! We need to send out another lookout!" Lori proclaimed, prompting the whole bunker to turn dead silent.
"Obviously not me!" the oldest sister insisted. "As the eldest, most responsible and most beautiful sister I`m too important to risk being sacrificed. Plus my beloved Bobby would like commit suicide if something happened to me." Lori said melodramatically.
"Most beautiful? Rubbish!" Lola huffed and struck a dramatic pose. "I`m the fairest one of them all and it would be very selfish of me to deprive the world of marveling at my fabulous face."
"I can't go, I have a buttload of scaly and slimy buddies to take care of!" Lana protested.
"Obviously I can't endanger myself. My genius level intellect is destined to change the world and thus I`m too valuable to be placed in harm`s way!" Lisa crossed her arms.
"And I`m a rising and talented rock and roll star! I can't deprive the world of my musical gift!" Luna quickly interjected.
"Then who's gonna be the lookout?" Leni asked cluelessly. And suddenly all eyes were on her.
Leni was tossed out of the bunker and landed on the lawn as the bunker was immediately closed. Dusting herself off Leni started freaking out and desperately tried to open the hatch.
"Why me?! Let me in! I could get-"
The hatch opened slightly and Lori`s eyes peeked through it. "Leni, Leni. Don't you worry! We would never make you do something we wouldn't do ourselves."
"Really?" Leni asked hopefully.
"Yeah, sure. You just have to check if the coast's clear and report back to us. Got that? Good! See ya!"
With that, the hatch was closed again and Leni was left alone, scratching her head before brightening up. "Okay, that doesn't sound too bad!" she smiled and walked away from the house.
"Furniture nailed to the wall, a secret bunker, a kid who reads comic in his undies and I just did three hours of housework." Ryan lamented as he and Lynn slowly climbed up the stairs still wearing their football jerseys and face paint, they were so tired now that they were ready to drop once they reached the top floor and not move until morning.
"I`m not sure if I have lost my mind, or you made me go soft. Or both."
"I say both." Lynn joked as they reached the top floor, tired and battered, and panting heavily.
"At least the worst`s behind us." Ryan lightened up. "Now where can I get some shuteye? Where am I bunking for the night?"
Lynn blinked. "I dunno. Haven't really thought about that." she admitted.
"Easy." Ryan shrugged. "I`ll bunk in your room. Get me a pillow and a blanket and I'm good."
Lynn went pale. "Eh...maybe that's not such a good idea."
"Why? Whatever annoying sister you're roomies with I can handle her." Ryan shrugged. "I`m way too tired to give a crap about how obnoxious she is, or stay awake long enough."
"Now where's your room?" he looked around. Lynn gulped and swiftly blocked the door to her room, revealing its location.
"Ryan I think you should bunk with Lincoln instead. Y`know, boys gotta stick together." she laughed nervously.
"And I thought Luan was the one making bad jokes." Ryan raised his brow incredulously before smirking. "Got a secret you don't want me to know about?"
"No, it's not that!" the jock denied it.
"Don`t want me to see your doll collection?" Ryan`s smirk grew. "Or does the toughest girl in town have a closet full of sundresses?"
"NO!" Lynn snapped.
Ryan studied her before looking over his shoulder. "Look! Mr.L`s back!" he rushed to look down the stairs.
"Dad? Where!" Lynn darted to his side before realizing she had been duped. "Dammit!"
But it was too late. Ryan pushed the door open with an excited look, but his face dropped as he noticed nothing remarkable.
Until he pulled the light switch on and saw something unsettling. A coffin lying on one bed.
"Ryan! I can explain this!" a blushing Lynn approached the slack-jawed boy.
"That`s...a coffin?" he said simply as he pointed at and approached the thing, feeling more than a bit mortified.
"I can explain!" Lynn interjected. "You know Lucy, the creepy goth one. She`s into a lot of weird and stupid stuff, like vampires. And she likes to sleep like one. " she explained hastily, feeling a part of herself dying from embarrassment.
"Ghoul Girl sleeps in this thing?" the boy asked intuitively. The revelation actually gave him a huge relief, as his first impression upon seeing the coffin was of something much grimmer.
Suddenly the coffin was flung open, spooking the two preteens as its occupant rose up like the undead with her arms shaped like a cross. She hissed and shielded her face from the light.
Lynn scowled. "Lucy!" she snapped in annoyance and surprise. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Hiding in plain sight is often the best cover. As you can see I survived the delayed prank apocalypse unscathed." the goth explained monotonously as she faced Lynn.
"Where`s Lincoln?" the goth asked quickly. She noticed the bruises on Lynn`s face, but she was 99% certain that those were the result of another one of her overly aggressive, overly brutal matches. The football getup was a more obvious clue.
Lynn sighed. "He`s fine, me and him were away all day, and when we returned, I just K.O-ed Luan. You're all welcome by the way." the jock flashed her a smug smirk.
"I find that hard to believe." the goth replied simply causing Lynn to scowl. "Luan`s yearly reign of tyranny isn't so easy to thwart."
"I can't say that I`m familiar with Funny Girl`s yearly hijinks, but if you need eyewitnesses testimony to verify Lynn`s claim, well you're looking at it."
Lucy turned towards the unfamiliar voice and she went agape. Ryan was bit befuddled. Her reaction wasn't the typical recoiling in horror that people usually did upon meeting him, rather she seemed to be looking at him in silent awe. Lucy moved her bags to reveal the same semi-bloodshot eyes and dark eye rings Ryan had.
It would have been a surprise if Ryan hadn't seen her without her bags before. Though it was still uncanny to be reminded how much this little girl resembled him.
"Lucy...will you stop gawking at him..." Lynn told her in a passive-aggressive tone. "You're embarrassing me..."
The goth took Ryan`s hand and examined it, much to his confusion. "Wicked." she said in a hushed voice.
"My name`s Lucy. How did your skin get like this? I was born prematurely and had a rare blood condition? Did the same happen to you? Or do you have cancer?" Lucy asked him in an uncharacteristically eager and rapid manner.
Ryan looked visibly uncomfortable with those questions.
Lynn buried her face in her hands, wishing for the earth to just gobble her up right here and there. Swiftly she grabbed Lucy`s arms and yanked her closer.
"Will you quit blabbering. That`s my friend Ryan and could you at least try not to embarrass me by being a total creepazoid!" she whispered into her ear harshly.
Lucy paused to process the information. Then her lips curled into a small smirk, "Ryan? So you're the boy Lynn has a huge crush on? You're not what we had expected."
Lynn`s face flushed red like the speed of light.
"Oh, so you have been talking about me?" Ryan gave his friend a snide glance.
Lynn growled. "I don't have a crush on him!" she snapped at Lucy. "You say that one more time and your coffin will be very convenient for your freaking funeral!"
"Lynn, take a chill pill." Ryan raised his hands. "You're not seriously letting a little kid get under your skin?"
"That`s not a hard thing to do." Lucy spoke calmly. "Between her ill-tempered demeanor and her general immature behavior, if there's anyone in this house who's easy to trigger, it's Lynn."
Lynn was fuming after seeing that insufferable little smirk on Lucy`s face.
Ryan, on the other hand, was beyond amused. The little squirt was intentionally pushing Lynn`s buttons, it was almost a mirror image of himself teasing Renee.
He could easily tell that these two were an image of mutually loving siblings about as much as he and his sister were. It wasn't surprising though, from what little he knew of the goth it was readily apparent that she was Lynn`s polar opposite in every way. Whoever thought of pairing these two as roomies must have been high on something.
"Kid, you got some mad skills at annoying people. Impressive."
Lucy blushed slightly at the compliment. She rarely received one of those.
He snickered before his eyes drifted back to the coffin.
"So Lynn says you like sleeping ala Count Dracula?"
Lucy quickly deflated and started quivering. She expected him to laugh at that.
Lynn couldn't help but smirk as the goth looked down. Not so mouthy now that she was about to be roasted?
"I`ve seen a lot of bizarre stuff in this house today but this? This is something else..." Ryan shook his head. "And it's awesome!"
Both sisters went agape.
"You joking?" Lynn asked slack-jawed.
"Joking? Moi?" Ryan laughed. "Jokes are for third-rate comedians like Luan, you know I`m nothing if not brutally honest."
He turned towards the stunned Lucy. "I don't know how you got your folks to allow you this but kudos to you. I remember asking my folks for weird sleeping arrangements after watching some movies when I was little, and they always shot me down."
"Ehh...thanks?" Lucy answered meekly, unable to believe her own ears. "You...you like vampires?" she asked timidly.
"Vampires, werewolves, mummies, zombies, swamp monsters, the whole lot. Always had a thing for horror flicks. I always related in some way to those dark and gruesome creatures. Don't know why..." he asked while stroking his ghastly face.
Lucy`s smile grew, she started feeling more and more comfortable with this boy, something she rarely felt with anyone besides Lincoln.
Lynn stared blank-eyed when they heard chirping from the roof over Lucy`s bed. Ryan saw a pair of tiny eyes looking at them when a small bat swooped down and landed on Lucy`s shoulder.
She scooped him up in her hands and took a small gulp, not knowing how Ryan would react to this.
"Eh...this is Fang, he`s...he`s my pet." she said timidly.
Ryan`s eyes widened. "You have a pet bat?" he asked incredulously. "How the hell did you tame him?"
"It`s a long story...he`s actually part of a flock that often comes to visit me. But he`s my favorite."
"Wow?" Ryan was amazed. "And I thought I had the cool pet. Can I hold him?"
"What?!" Lynn blurted as Lucy hesitantly handed Fang to him and Ryan stroked the small mammal`s head with one finger.
"Ewww! How can you hold that thing?" Lynn uttered in disgust.
"Lynn, keep your voice down. Bats have sensetive hearing." Ryan warned her.
"That`s what I have been telling her." Lucy smiled at him.
"Ryan, that thing could suck your blood out!"
The boy snorted, biting back laughter. "Seriously, Lynn? Everyone knows that vampire bats only live in the Amazon, bats like these are harmless bug eaters."
"I`ve told her that a hundred times but she won`t listen." Lucy smiled in agreement.
Ryan let the bat go and he flew back to Lucy.
"Say, kid? I`ll be staying here for the night, so could you introduce me to the whole flock? Bats are such cool creatures but so hard to spot."
"Eh...sure I can." Lucy agreed, still unable to fathom that someone was asking her for this.
Lynn was looking at them with her jaw hanging wide open. This couldn't be for real. Ryan wasn't just bonding with her creepy little sister?
Lincoln looked out the window. It was already dark and his dad was nowhere to be seen. If memory served his dad was in for an earful.
He had finished picking up the last spring snake he could find in the living room. Getting the furniture down would be his father`s task.
Rita hadn't made any effort to call the rest of the girls and tell them that it was safe again on the surface, saying they`d be too scared to listen and come out. Lincoln knew that she actually just wanted to contrive a reason to get some more peace and quiet. Something Lincoln was perfectly willing to go along with.
He went to the kitchen where he found his mother plucking a turkey. The kitchen, like the living room, was clean.
"The living room`s all clean." he informed her.
"Thanks, sweetheart, you kids were a lot of help." Rita thanked him, sounding like she was on the verge of tears.
"No problem, mom. All in a days work." he puffed his chest, even though his costume was starting to reek.
"You know, you might really have a promising future as a superhero. You look pretty heroic in that suit and not even I could recognize your secret identity behind that mask." Rita said jovially.
"And good thing you can't see the black eye behind it either." Lincoln then noticed something.
"Mom, is that the turkey Taylor`s cat caught?" he asked with a hint of disgust.
"Yes, it is. And I had to wrangle in those chicken in a makeshift barn." his mother confirmed.
"I know what you must be thinking, but in a family as big as ours money will always be in short supply. That`s why we value whatever money we can get and can't squander any other opportunities when they come. Besides, I hear freshly caught poultry is very healthy for a growing boy and girls."
"Oh, I understand." Lincoln nodded. Then he started thinking about what she had said. She was right, in their home, money was hard to come by, so any amount of money is seen as precious.
He remembered himself and his sisters fighting over quarters he would find between the sofa cushions. After Luan`s April Fools antics the family would always be short on cash due to costly repairs to the house.
Those specific things started ringing bells in Lincoln`s mind. He didn't know why, but another old memory started creeping in. Money? Prankmaggedon? Him and his sisters fighting over money? Why was he linking those two things?
Then it hit him like a freight train. He remembered.
He had to see Lynn and Ryan immediately!
As most can probably guess, what Lincoln remembers is this AUs version of a certain incident involving a guy named Sharon DeMonet, though in this context the Loud parents didn't just laugh the incident off, quite the opposite. Also, there's a bit of a twist. And it happened to him at the worst possible moment. So Lincoln and Lynn have to prevent it from happening after their dad`s already doomed to sleep on the couch if he even manages to dislodge it from the ceiling XD
And like a lot of fans I`m not very fond of Luan`s psycho episode on April 1st, so here I gave a humorous and stupendously simple example of how the characters could have solved the problem XD
And whatever Leni thought she was supposed to do, she evidently went in the opposite direction of home XD
