And now we continue. Warning: This chapter contains character death! Better brace yourself for this one.
Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan were walking down the sidewalk, the formers' home soon coming into view.
"So, did he say what was going on?"
Ryan shook his head. "No, Lynn. He didn't go into detail, but he did sound scared and like he was in a hurry."
"That can't be good." Lynn mused while Lincoln was preoccupied observing his handheld calendar.
"I bet Lana and Lola overdosed on candy again and are now running rampant!" Lynn punched her palm with grim determination. "In that state, they're nigh-impossible to catch and restraint."
"I've caught wilder animals with my bare hands." Ryan said confidentially. "But knowing your sisters, they're probably demolishing the living room fighting over the remote."
"That does sound likely." Lynn shuddered, knowing full well how much destruction that scenario could entail.
"What do you think's going on, Lincoln?" she turned to her brother but he seemed distracted. "Lincoln!"
"Sorry, guys!" he shook himself out of his thoughts and faced her. "I was just counting down the remaining days until...'the incident'..."
"'The incident?'" Lynn's voice grew lower and her expression turned serious. She had almost forgotten about it. "How long?"
"Today's June 24th, meaning we only have five days left. It's getting closer." Lincoln replied grimly.
"Five days?" the jock said incredulously. Her gut started twisting with dread.
"Yes, we have to prepare ourselves for this. We won't get another chance."
"And have you reconsidered filling me in about that "incident"?" Ryan inquired with casual curiosity.
Lincoln glowered at him. "No, we told you that we swore never to talk about that terrible day again." he retorted firmly.
"Jerks." Ryan huffed. "Way to keep a guy out of the loop."
But he soon noticed Lynn's guilt-ridden expression once this topic was brought up, which reminded him not to press on about the matter.
He sighed and tried to lift her spirit. "But I guess it doesn't matter what happened that day, as much as preventing it from happening again. Eh...right, Lynn?"
She shifted before narrowing her eyes. "Yeah, but we'll only get one shot at this..." she said in a low voice. "We can't screw it up."
"We won't." Lincoln declared determinedly before realizing that they had reached the front door.
They quickly picked up noises from within the living room.
"You guys hear that?" Lynn blurted, prompting the three of them to press their ears against the door.
They grew alarmed as they were treated to the unmistakable sound of things breaking and kids screaming.
"Sounds like a riot!" Lincoln yelped.
"Time for action!" Lynn exclaimed and glanced at Ryan "We gotta restrain those loons!"
"Agreed!" Ryan nodded. "And let's not be gentle about it!"
The twins were watching tv on the couch as Luna walked by the door, stringing her reserve guitar when Lynn suddenly kicked the door open, spooking them.
Seeing Luna first, Lynn tackled the rocker to the floor. The twins gasped while Ryan and Lincoln rushed in after her.
"What are you doing?!" Lola yelled at the jock just before she and Lana were grabbed by the foot and hoisted up by Ryan.
"Hey, what gives-OW! Ow! Ow!" Luna yelped in pain as Lynn twisted her arm behind her back and pressed her face against the floor.
"Stop it, Luna! Whatever you guys were doing, it has to stop now!" Lynn shouted demandingly.
"Let go of me, you filthy ruffian!" Lola roared as she and Lana were dangling upside down in the air, blood rushing to their heads and their tiara and red cap hitting the floor.
"Now, now, Lala." Ryan cooed mockingly as he lifted them higher to meet his upside-down face. "You weren't exactly behaving like a proper princess yourself by breaking stuff."
"What?! We didn't break anything!" a squirming Lana cried, equally irritated.
"Dude! You're breaking my arm!" Luna squeaked to Lynn in a strained voice as Lincoln looked around, but much to his surprise he saw no evidence of any destruction.
"What's going on here?" he looked around frantically.
Lola glared daggers at him. "Your ugly troll of a friend attacked us! That's what's going on!"
"Girls, please keep the volume down!" Lynn Sr.'s voice came from the kitchen before the man himself appeared, wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a bowl.
"I'm trying to-what the?" his face dropped as he saw Lynn holding Luna down and Ryan holding the twins like trash bags. An awkward silence ensued as they and Lincoln locked eyes with the confused man.
At least, it would have been silent if not for the ruckus coming from the tv. Ryan slowly turned to look at the screen and realized that the twins had been watching cartoon characters fighting each other and destroying someone's home in the process.
Lincoln joined him and realized what was going on.
Blushing, he laughed nervously while meeting his father's gaze. "Ups...eh...false alarm, guys."
Ryan grinned sheepishly and hid the twins behind his back.
"What's going on!" Lynn demanded impatiently as she let go of Luna and joined the boys, while Ryan dropped the twins and Luna pushed herself to her feet.
"We heard sounds of carnage-oh?" Lynn turned silent upon seeing the cartoon playing on the tv screen.
She then looked at her father in embarrassment. "Eh...you wanted to see us?"
Lynn Sr. quietly placed the bowl on the nearby table as he tried to make sense of the situation. Eventually, he gave up and simply urged the three to follow him.
"Eh...yes! We have to talk!" he rushed behind them and pushed them into the kitchen. "Privately!"
"Hey! What's the big deal?" Luna shouted while flexing and massaging her arm.
"They're giving me culinary tips! By!" her father explained halfhazardly before disappearing from sight.
Luna stared on dumbfounded, as did the twins after getting up and rubbing their heads.
Once the four of them were alone and out of earshot, Lynn Sr. looked at his son and daughter.
"Okay? Eh...what was going on back there?" the man asked them. He didn't appear angry, merely perplexed.
"Dad, what's the crisis?" Lynn threw her hands up in annoyance.
"Crisis?" Lynn Sr. blinked. "Oh...oh, there's no crisis..." he assured them before looking aside uneasily "...well, eh...not yet at least."
The kids looked at each other.
"Right..." Ryan said dryly and raised his index finger. "Okay, just to be clear: is the house currently being wrecked or not?"
"Wrecked?" Lynn Sr. blinked again and chuckled awkwardly. "Oh, no! No, the girls aren't causing any trouble right now."
Lynn cocked an eyebrow. "Then what's the big emergency, dad?"
"You sounded pretty freaked out on the phone, and wait? Are you preparing lunch right now?" Ryan questioned after noticing his hat and apron.
Lincoln looked around and noticed kitchen utensils and various food products everywhere, and there was definitely something cooking and one or two dishes were already prepared and on the table. Nothing unusual there but then Lincoln took a whiff.
"And are you making Foie gras foam?" the boy inquired and raised an eyebrow.
"And is that caviar?" Ryan noticed the bowl containing said dish on the table.
"Caviar?" Lynn looked at it intrigued. "Cool. Can I taste some of that fancy food?"
Ryan smirked at her. "You do realize caviar is fish eggs, right?"
"Ew!" Lynn recoiled and stuck her tongue out. "Really?"
"Dad, that stuff isn't cheap?" Lincoln pointed out. "I don't think that's a wise choice for lunch given our budget. Is this for a special occasion?"
Lynn Sr. exhaled. "Eh, yes it is. I'm sorry kids, I should have explained myself from the start." he sighed and clutched his head, quickly growing out of breath. "I...I just couldn't think straight all morning."
"Wow, take it easy, dad. What's the matter?" Lynn told him, noticing his growing anxiety.
"Yeah, you must have called us for a reason? What's the problem?" Lincoln added.
"Something major happened. I can't believe he actually answered my call...but he did!" their father told them nervously, still jittery and out of breath. "I've tried contacting him for months!"
"Who dad?" the siblings asked simultaneously.
The man wiped the sweat off his forehead and tried to compose himself. "It's Timothy McCole!"
Lynn and Lincoln looked at him perplexed. Timothy McCole? Why did that name ring a bell? Then it hit them and they both went pale.
"Timothy McCole?" Ryan looked unimpressed. "Eh..is that someone I should know about?"
"That food critic you were talking about?" Lincoln blurted, answering Ryan's question.
"Yes, kids. This guy travels all over the world tasting exciting and exotic food, and he has agreed to come and taste my food!" his father answered in a tone that implied that he was on the verge of an anxiety attack.
"He's coming today?" Lynn asked him.
"Yes, and you kids know what's at stake. McCole is a very busy man, it's a miracle he's coming here at all. If I fail to impress him today I'll never get the opportunity to do it again, no doubts about that!" the jittery man continued.
Lynn and Lincoln looked at each other nervously. It was all coming back to them now. They remembered how this important business meeting had turned out for their poor father.
"And why would you want to impress some snooty, highbrow food critic?" Ryan asked him.
Lynn Sr. turned silent and sighed like he was fantasizing about something. "Because, if he likes my food he'll provide me with the necessary investments to help me realize my lifelong dream: to open up my own restaurant!"
"Your own restaurant?"
"Yes..." Lynn Sr. was no longer looking at Ryan and was staring off into space as a longing smile crept onto his face.
"Cooking has always been my passion. Ever since I was a boy I have dreamt of getting into the culinary business. This could be my one chance to put my former life as just another office drone behind me and pursue my dream job as a chef!"
Lincoln and Lynn grew more and more racked with guilt and self-loathing listening to their father. Neither needed to tell the other that this mission just got even more personal.
Ryan, on the other hand, let out a dry, hollow chuckle and shook his head. "Sir, following your dreams isn't a smart thing to do. That will only make it all the more painful when your hopes and dreams inevitably get squashed into paste." he emphasized his point by raising his fist and repeatedly smashing it into his open hand.
"Best to stick to your day job." he finished simply. "It pays the bills at least."
Lynn Sr.'s face dropped with sobering sadness while Lynn angrily elbowed her friend in the gut.
Ryan gasped and clutched it. "What? I'm just sharing life wisdom."
Lynn Sr. didn't know how to respond to this and raised his hands up. "Wow, wait! I haven't quit my job at the IT office and I don't plan to for a while. I'm not some naive, over-optimistic guy who would foolishly assume that his goals will work out perfectly in advance, I-"
"Of course not, dad." Lincoln cut in with a supportive smile. "But you're a great chef already! I have no doubt that McCole will love your food! You've got this!"
Lynn sent Ryan a death glare, signaling him to shut up, before joining Lincoln. "Yes, dad. You're a champion at cooking!"
Their father's lip started trembling and he struggled not to cry. "Thanks, kids." he stammered before rubbing his eye. "Eh, sorry. Got something in my eye."
The siblings looked at each other, a silent exchange going down.
"So lemme guess..." Lincoln sighed "...you need us to keep the girls away from the kitchen so you can finish your dishes in peace without any disturbance?"
"And also keep them far away from here when that critic guy arrives?" Lynn added, as seriously as her brother.
Their father stiffened. It sounded pretty terrible and manipulated when said like that, but he also knew that giving his girls the benefit of the doubt wasn't a wise choice. Not with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this on the line.
Before he could say a word, Lincoln raised his hands up. "Say no more, dad. We've got this."
"Yeah, only a chump would let those tornadoes of destruction roam near an important business meeting like yours." Lynn hung her head, sullenly but wholeheartedly agreeing with them.
Lynn Sr. likewise hung his head. He felt horrible for doing this but knew it was the right thing to do. Sulking over his lack of trust in his own daughters would get him nowhere, all he could do was get this over.
"So, you two think you can handle this?" he asked morosely.
"Sure we can! I'm always up for a challenge." Lynn erected herself with confidence. So did Lincoln.
"Yes, we'll keep them away for as long as we must. That's a promise."
Lynn Sr. grew a somber but appreciative smile. "Thanks, kids..."
The kids stepped out into the backyard and Lincoln motioned for them to get behind the tree. Once there, they huddled together and Lincoln started whispering.
"Okay, we have to devise a way to keep the girls away from home for the remainder of this day. Otherwise, dad will be screwed."
"No kidding." Lynn nodded. "Even if that McCole guy doesn't fall prey to any booby traps this time around, a minute together with someone like Lucy or Luan will drive away that haughty windbag."
Lincoln sighed ashamedly. "At least we won't have to worry about booby traps this time around, I was the one who started the damn thing after all."
"So, you gonna tell me how you crushed your old man's dreams, pipsqueak?" Ryan snarked. "Or is this another 'we shall never speak of this again' oath thing?"
Both siblings shot him dirty glares. "Wil you shut your trap! He feels bad enough about it as it is." Lynn growled at him.
"No, Lynn. He deserves to know." Lincoln sighed dejectedly. "Ugh, that day I was eager to eat my mac and cheese leftovers from last night's dinner. But the girls ate it all before I could. I was mad and installed booby traps in the fridge to keep my leftovers safe..."
"And the rest of us started doing the same..." Lynn continued bitterly. "Soon it became another stupid sibling war and we started putting traps elsewhere in the kitchen to keep our favorite snacks and dishes safe."
"And when that McCartney guy met up with your dad, they were in for some nasty surprises?" Ryan guessed. The siblings' grim expressions told him he guessed correctly.
"Yes, and that's why I made a vow never to eat mac and cheese again." Lincoln grumbled.
"We all oughta be banned from ever touching our favorite dishes again after the crap we pulled." Lynn sighed in agreement. "This is our one shot to redeem ourselves and set things straight. We can't let dad down!"
"I see..." Ryan said more respectfully. "But if the fridge war never happened-"
"It doesn't matter..." Lynn sighed "...with our sisters, another stupid war could break out at any minutes over any stupid reason. Luan greeting that critic with a joy buzzer also didn't help."
"Well, critics never did have a sense of humor." Ryan snorted. Lynn grew annoyed.
"Bottom line, we have to keep them away from here." Lincoln continued. "And preferably together, so we can keep an eye on them more easily."
"True, a shepherd's job is much easier if the flock doesn't scatter." Ryan quipped.
"How are we supposed to do that?" Lynn questioned. "They aren't exactly BFFs. What could possibly get them all to spend time together?"
"That's a good question..." Lincoln mused. "I seriously doubt any of them, except maybe Leni would be up for family time."
"So why don't we just force them to do it?" Ryan suggested and the others looked at him oddly.
"Think about it, your dad is supposed to learn to be more assertive, right? So, just let him force them to spend a mandatory "sibling bonding day" together and have Blondy drive us somewhere far away for the rest of the day?"
"That could work." Lynn smiled.
"But why do you wish for fake bonding?" a fourth voice cut in.
Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan looked down to find Lucy standing in the middle of their circle and looking up at them.
They all jumped in fright and fell on their backs with Lucy stoically standing center stage.
"Lucy!" an enraged Lynn sat up and glared at her. "What the hell were you doing snooping around!?"
Ryan sat up too and gawked at her in disbelief. "How did you get there without any of us noticing?!"
"How much did you hear?" Lincoln asked her from behind.
Lucy faced him. "I heard about how you want to force our sisters for a road trip. Why?"
"Not your business, you nosy little rat!" Lynn rose to her feet, boiling. "If you tell them about this, I'm gonna-"
"Calm down, Lynn! Lemme talk with her." Lincoln told her before facing the goth.
"You wanna know why?" he asked her calmly and she nodded.
Lincoln sighed and continued. "Dad's got an important business meeting here today, with someone who might help him start his own restaurant."
"I thought that food critic was ignoring him." Lucy noted.
"He did, but he finally called him back. And dad wants to be left alone so we won't mess this up for him."
"Lincoln! You can't share such private info with her!" Lynn lamented only to feel Ryan's hand on her shoulder.
"Easy there. Spooky's on our side." he reassured her. "Well, not yours, obviously. But on mine and the pipsqueak's."
Lynn glowered at him.
"That makes sense." Lucy concluded. "That's very thoughtful of you guys. And very surprising of you, Lynn."
Lynn seethed at the remark. But this wasn't the end of her ire.
"You wanna help us?" Lincoln asked the goth, more or less knowing the answer.
The goth hung her head. "Sigh. I don't think I'll be of much use. I can barely get them to notice me, let alone listen to me."
"That won't be necessary." Ryan reassured her. "We just need help watching them. Four pairs of eyes are better than three."
"I could do that." Lucy smiled.
"Doubt it." Lynn snorted and folded her arms. "I'm not seeing any eyes under those bags."
"One does not need sight to perceive." Lucy said cryptically.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." the jock sniggered mockingly.
"Says the girl whose catchphrase is 'Lynner, Lynner, chicken dinner'" Lucy retorted calmly.
"She's got you there." Ryan snickered, prompting Lynn to seeth.
"On whose side are you on!" she snapped at him, forcing him to take a step back.
"Yours, of course. And hers." Ryan shrugged, his response only frustrating the jock further. "But I gotta give props to a fellow troll."
"Guys, we're wasting time." Lincoln stepped in. "We have a trip to prepare for."
Cliff opened his eyes and started yawning and stretching himself only for his head to bump into a ceiling. The black cat winced and crouched down, before noticing a still sleepy Charles stirring next to him.
Confused, Cliff crawled out from underneath their hiding place which turned out to be below a dumpster surrounded by trash cans and trash bags with flies buzzing all around them, near a rundown gas station at the edge of town. That explained the array of foul odors.
Cliff meowed loudly, expecting to be fed, only to remember he wasn't at home. Cliff recalled how last night he, Charles and Geo fleed from their home after their owners randomly turned into grotesque, snarling monsters and ran for hours until they felt safe enough, and then searched for a night shelter.
His stomach growling, the cat searched around for anything edible when he came across something unusual, a small crushed piece of plastic coated in a sticky substance with little patches of red. Cliff recognized the smell of it, dog drool and...blood?
A noise from behind him diverted his attention. He looked back to see Charles pulling himself out from beneath the dumpster as well, the cone around his head making it especially difficult to squeeze himself in and out.
The bull terrier yawned. His eyes scanned his surroundings and he only saw Cliff, with Geo nowhere to be found. The moment Charles focused in on the cat, he yelped and cowered.
Cliff tilted his head in confusion as he saw a look of pure terror wash over the canine's face as he whimpered and backed up against the dumpster.
That's when Cliff's sensitive hearing picked up a new sound, a footfall, the sound of something running.
Cliff spun around and promptly screeched and his tail puffed up as he saw a huge black mass with sharp teeth charging at him. Cliff jumped back at the last second to avoid the beast's snapping jaws and landed on Charles's back, digging his claws into the dog's hide.
The sudden pain gave the frozen Charles enough of a jolt to make his legs and brain function again and he bolted away with a petrified Cliff on top of him as their attacker slammed against the dumpster.
Charles ran across the empty road and towards the forest.
Recovering quickly, One Eye growled as he watched his prey escape and ran after them, covering the road with only two bounds.
His tongue flopping, Charles sped through the forest, burning out quickly with the extra weight on his back. He didn't dare to look back, but Cliff did and screeched fearfully.
One Eye was gaining on them fast, bolting through the forest with ease. His massive form was getting closer and closer, his panting grew louder and louder.
Cliff watched him with complete horror, for a few seconds the cat was certain that they were dead. Charles didn't look back and saw the trees slowly spreading out along with hearing the sound of flowing water.
Then it happened, Cliff screeched at the top of his lungs as One Eye was practically looming over him. The wolf bit one of Charles hindlegs, causing him to let out a high-pitched yelp and lose his footing.
Before they knew it, both cat and dog hit the ground and were tumbling down a hill, with One Eye following them. The tumbling didn't last long, as both quickly found themselves falling through the air, with the roars of a river below them.
At the last second, Cliff made a desperate attempt to grab something and hooked his claws into a root sticking out of the cliff. He stopped falling and was clinging on for dear life. Then he heard a splash and look down to see that Charles had vanished beneath the waves.
Cliff pulled himself up, securing a better grip on a thicker and longer root further above with both his back and front legs. Suddenly, pebbles dropped past him and the terrified cat looked up, only to find a bulging boulder blocking his view. A stroke of luck for him.
Standing at the edge of the cliff, One Eye observed the raging river and saw that his prey was gone. The wolf let out a low growl and turned around.
Cliff caught a glimpse of him walking near the edge before vanishing into the forest.
Cliff clung on to the root, trying to catch his breath. He was safe, now he just needed to climb back up. He looked back at the river and it dawned on him that his companion might not have been so lucky.
In their room, Leni was lying on her belly in bed reading a fashion magazine, while Lori was looking for the appropriate dress to wear while pressing her phone against her ear with her shoulder.
"Why of course and I'm excited for our date, Boo-Boo Bear!" Lori chatted affectionately while looking through the coat hangers in her closet. "I know you had to work there for months before you could secure a reservation, and I'm like totally proud of you. I knew my emotional support would get you through it."
"Lori? Can you tell me something?" Leni waved her arm to gain her attention.
"Not now, Leni!" Lori hissed irritably before resuming her chat with her boyfriend. "No, I still haven't figure out why my memories of last night are so hazy but I'm sure a nice, relaxing date oughta clear both of our minds-"
"Lori, may we have a moment?" her father suddenly entered the room.
Lori shot him a dirty glare. "Not now! I'm talking to my future husband if you don't mind!" she hissed in warning before resuming her phone chat.
"Lori, this is very important." Lynn Sr. continued in a firm tone when Leni approached him.
"Dad! I'm so glad you're here!" she started cheerfully and showed him the magazine. "Can you tell what language this is? These letters are like so weird."
Lynn struggled to keep a straight face. "Leni, it's English. You're just holding it upside down." he grabbed the magazine and turned it around for her. "Here, try it like that."
"Ohhh, that makes sense. I wondered why all the pictures were flipped. Thanks, dad." Leni replied gratefully as she started reading it.
Her father turned back to Lori. "Lori, we have to talk. Right now!"
Lori grumbled in annoyance before whispering, "Talk to you later. Love you!" and ending the call.
"Dad! Are you trying to ruin my relationship!" Lori snapped at him.
Lynn held his ground. "Lori, a few moments away from your phone isn't going to be the end of the world."
The teen made an exaggerated groan. "Fine! What do you want? Just make it snappy. I have an important date!"
Lynn knew his eldest child would not take the news well, so he cut right to the chase. "I'm afraid you're gonna have to cancel it, because today you kids are gonna engage in some family bonding."
Lori's eyes widened in horror. "Excuse me?" she asked flabbergasted.
But Leni immediately jumped up and squealed with excitement.
"OMG! Really? That's a great idea!"
"That's the spirit, sweetie." Lynn smiled and shot her a finger gun.
"You can't be serious?" Lori asked indignantly.
"Far from it, Lori. I feel this family has grown far too distant from each other and I say it's about time we changed that."
"Holy smokes, he means it?!" Lori went pale, trying to think of an excuse out of this.
"But...but...we can't do it! Not today." she said hastily. "Mom's away doing errands and who knows when she'll be back."
"Oh, I know that." Lynn assured her coolly. "I'm busy too, but I wasn't talking about her and me. I meant, you kids need to spend more quality time together."
"What?!" Lori blurted.
"Hey, dad? What were you guys talking about?" Lincoln "randomly" passed by and entered.
"Dad wants us all to spend the day together! Isn't that cool!" Leni clasped her hands jubilantly.
"Really?" Lincoln acted surprised. "Well, sounds like it could be fun?"
"I know right!" Leni beamed with excitement.
"No!" Lori cut in. "It's not cool! It won't be fun! This is a terrible idea!"
"Don't be so negative, Lori." Leni patted her back reassuringly. "Spending time together as a family is always fun."
"No, it's not!" Lori retorted and shoved her off. "How are we supposed to bond? Most of us have nothing in common!"
"Now, Lori. I'm sure you kids will find common ground if you just try-"
"We don't have common ground, dad!" Lori lamented. "None of us read his nerd comics or play stupid video games!" she pointed at Lincoln, causing him to scowl.
"None of us play Lynn's barbaric sports! None of us roll around in the dirt like Lana! None of us are into Lucy's creepy goth culture! None of us can stand Lisa's nonstop technobabble or Lola's whining, and a day full of Luan's insufferable puns will drive me crazy!"
She gave her father a look that was equal amounts of pleading and angrily demanding. "Be reasonable, dad! This is a bad idea on so many levels!"
Lynn gulped but didn't budge, trying to keep his tone even. "I see your point, Lori. But that's exactly why I'm mandating this, you kids should try to expand your hobbies, try out new things. That way you're certain to find at least one thing all of you can enjoy."
"Like...have a picnic together? Everyone loves picnics, right?" Lincoln suggested offhandedly.
Lori glowered at him. "Don't give him ideas, twerp! Or I'll tie you into a-"
"That's a great idea, sport." his father smiled. "What better way to bring a family together than a road trip and a picnic."
Lori's jaw dropped and her eye twitched.
"Awesome! I'll help prepare the food!" Leni cheered and rushed past them.
"Just don't touch any of the dishes I've prepared!" Lynn called after her.
"I`ll go tell the others!" Lincoln quickly excused himself and followed suit, leaving Lori alone with their father.
"What dishes are you talking about?" Lori eyed him suspiciously.
Lynn grew a bit nervous. "Oh, nothing, just something I cooked up for a food critic who's dropping by today. It's related to a boring business meeting of mine."
Lori was no fool, and immediately saw the implications. "You mean that bigshot critic you've been trying to reach for months?" the teen asked suspiciously.
Lynn hesitantly nodded. "Why, yes! That's the one."
Lori immediately narrowed her eyes. "Are you trying to get rid of us because of him?"
Lynn gulped. "No, sweetie. Why on Earth would you think that?" he chuckled uncomfortably and started backing away. "I'm just trying to motivate my children to get closer with each other."
"You think we're going to embarrass you? " Lori asked indignantly.
"No, not at all!" Lynn started sweating. "I better go help Leni. By!"
He ran away, leaving Lori to boil in rage.
"So, is it set?" Lynn asked her brother as he rushed into her and Lucy's room.
"Yes, dad insisted that we get going." Lincoln answered simply. "Looks like we're having a picnic."
Lucy, who was standing next to the jock asked the obvious question. "And Lori didn't take it well?"
"What did you expect?" Lincoln shrugged. "Having to cancel her date with Bobby probably didn't help matters."
Lynn whistled in amazement. "Damn. So she's gonna be stuck in ultra-bitch mode for the rest of the day? Lucky us." she said sardonically.
"Sigh. I can relate to her a little. I'm not really looking forward to this either." Lucy stated honestly.
Lynn scoffed dourly. "That's one thing we can agree on, Dutchess of Darkness. Spending a whole day with my sisters will be pure torture, but we gotta do it for dad's sake."
Ryan, who was leaning against the wall chuckled. "I wouldn't put it quite like that. I'm sure we'll find some joy in annoying Blondy and the prissy princess. "
"Don't even think about it." Lincoln warned him. "Lynn's right, the girls are gonna be anything but happy being forced to spend time together. They're problematic enough when they're bitter and sulky. Don't you give Lori a reason to snap and turn the van around."
"Pfft...whatever." Ryan rolled his eyes, knowing Lincoln had a point, before lazily pointing at the hall. "How about we inform the rest of them about our magical field trip, oughta brighten them up?" he suggested sarcastically.
"Might as well." Lincoln sighed and faced his sisters. "We better hurry. If memory serves, McCole will be here by 4 p.m."
He froze nervously as he realized that Lucy was present. "I mean, that's what dad told me regarding his arrival." he corrected himself.
"Then let's get moving." Lynn spoke up and glanced at Lincoln. "Leni's already on board for this, right?"
"That much is obvious." Lincoln sighed. "Okay, I'll talk to the twins."
"And I'll get the little brainiac." Lynn volunteered begrudgingly, knowing Ryan and especially Lincoln probably didn't want to talk to Lisa following last night's disaster.
Hearing that name, Lincoln's face darkened but he made no comment.
"Lucy..." he addressed the goth "...how about you help Leni prepare the food? Make sure she takes the wraps off before putting anything in the cooking pot?"
"Okay..." Lucy simply nodded and ran past Ryan into the hall.
"I'll look for Luan..." Ryan shrugged. "Won't be hard convincing her."
Lynn started twitching once he said that. Lincoln failed to see it as he nodded to Ryan.
"You do that. Luna might be with her as well."
Without a word, Ryan started leaving.
"Wait! I'm coming with you!" Lynn pushed past Lincoln and caught up with him.
Ryan gave her an odd look. "And what about Lizzie?"
Lynn tried hard to act nonchalant. "Lisa can wait." she said with barely concealed frustration.
That didn't really answer his question, but Ryan didn't get the chance to question it as Lynn grabbed his shirt.
"Let's go!" the jock barked as she dragged him out.
Lincoln looked on with confusion but didn't dwell on it and headed off to find the twins.
"Hey, guys, why can't a comedian tell a dirty laundry joke?" Luan asked while holding her ventriloquist puppet.
Luna tried to tune out her roommate's insipid laughter as she stuffed her guitar into its case and strapped it over her back.
"Cuz it always comes out clean!" Luan said it through Mr. Coconuts, her mouth visibly moving all the way through.
Luna muttered quietly. She couldn't wait to get out of here.
"Oh, c'mon! That one was clever!" the comedian pouted petulantly.
"Bra, you know you're on thin ice with us." Luna told her indifferently. "And you still don't get the memo that you ain't funny."
Luan scowled, but remembered what Ryan had told her. She shouldn't try to force people to like her comedy.
"Whatever." she dismissed her as she threw her puppet on her bed and scoffed sarcastically. "I expect the girl who makes up cockamamy tall tales to have a sense of humor."
Luna shot her a glare. "I am not! You guys were throwing a party yesterday and you did agree to babysit the little ones. Why are all of you acting like none of that happened?!"
Luan huffed and looked away haughtily. "And people call me looney. I'm supposed to believe that someone knocked you out and stole your other guitar too?"
Luna grew out of patience. "That did happen! Why would I be lying?"
"I dunno, maybe all that loud music finally got to your head." Luan shrugged smugly. She knew of the gap in her own memory, but it felt too good to finally be the mocker instead of the mocked.
Luna frowned and moved past her. "Whateves, I'm out of here."
"Not so fast!" she halted as a hand was shoved in her way.
"Ryan!" Luan squeaked excitedly. Luna scowled at him and Lynn.
"Dude! What gives! I have places to go!" the rocker threw her arms up in annoyance.
"Sorry, Luna." Lynn said unsympathetically. "We are all going on a family trip."
"What family trip?"
Lynn shrugged. "Wasn't my idea, dad insisted that we all go on a field trip together to bond or some junk, today."
"What?" Luna asked incredulously only to be pushed aside by Luan.
"Ryan. You...you're back!" she looked overjoyed to see him.
"Hey, Lu." Ryan greeted her coolly. "These fuddy-duddies still dishing your zingers?"
Luan blushed but her gaze slowly drifted towards Lynn, who shot her an icy, hateful glare. Luan returned the favor.
"So, are you excited for this trip, Tin Teeth?" Lynn smirked at her mockingly.
Luan felt her blood boil. "Not if you stank up Vanzilla again, Freckle Face." she shot back with pure contempt.
The vicious stare off continued between the two, which Luna watched in confusion. Why were they acting like sworn enemies?
"Stank up the van?" Ryan asked curiously.
Luan sent the jock an evil smile. "Why yes, everyone here knows Lynn as the Queen of Flatulence!" she explained gleefully. "Once she cuts loose you better clear the premise if you don't want to suffocate!"
"Hah! Jokes on you!" Lynn scoffed and crossed her arms. "Ryan already knows about my special talent! I've farted on him several times." she stated proudly.
Her sisters grew disgusted expressions while Ryan facepalmed.
"I did not need to know that, dude." Luna said flatly.
"Wow, Lynn." Luan scoffed tauntingly. "I was trying to embarrass you, but looks like you're already doing a marvelous job at it yourself."
Lynn growled and rolled up her sleeves. "Oh, you wanna go then!"
"Wow! Chill out!" Luna threw her arm between them while Luan took a step back.
Luna glared back at Lynn. "I don't know what your beef with Luan is, but can you dudes settle your differences after I leave?"
"Leave?" Ryan chuckled. "What part of "mandatory sibling bonding day" wasn't clear to you, Leyla?"
Luna glowered. "Look, man. My buds and I have been practicing for this battle of the bands for weeks! I can't bail on them now!"
Ryan considered it. "Battle of the bands, eh? So you would be away all day long?" he asked idly.
Luna gave him a suspicious look."Duh. Multiple bands playing one after the other isn't a short little event, dude. There are like over thirty bands who signed up for this."
"Oh, well." Ryan shrugged his shoulder. "Guess you'll be a no show for the trip then."
Lynn looked at him incredulously. Ryan wrapped his arm around her, much to Luan's annoyance.
"Now, Lynn." Ryan said innocently. "Who are we to stop an aspiring musician from sharing her talent with the world. She'll be away all day long, so I guess she'll just have to miss the trip."
Lynn got the memo and shrugged. "Oh...well, I guess you're right." she feigned defeat. "A sports star's gotta play, a rockstar's gotta rock and roll."
She shot Luna an encouraging look. "Kay, sis. If your band and you have your hearts set on winning this, then go all out! I should know this better than anyone."
Luna looked at her suspiciously before sighing. "Eh...thanks, Lynn? But we don't care if we win or not."
"What?" Lynn's face dropped. "Who the hell enters a contest and doesn't try their hardest to mow down the competition?"
"Anyone who isn't a competition freak." the rocker deadpanned. "We just entered it to have fun and put our name out."
Lynn frowned. "Are you kidding? That's loser talk!"
Ryan shook his head silently.
"Whatever floats your boat, Lynn. I'm outta here." Luna rolled her eyes and walked past them.
"Man, Lynn sure has an unhealthy obsession with winning, huh Ryan?" Luan pocked the boy in the ribs. "You should see her when she loses a board game. It ain't a pretty sight."
Lynn started to seeth. "How about Ryan sees you with your stupid puppet shoved down your gullet!"
Luan scoffed. "And the less I say about her temper the better."
Lynn crossed her arms. "Why don't you sit this one out too? It ain't like anyone in this family is actually going to miss you if you don't show up." she smirked cruelly.
Luan looked hurt but pulled herself together and ignored her remark. She turned to Ryan.
"Ryan, have you considered coming along?" she asked sweetly. Her tone made Lynn want to hurl.
"The thought had crossed my mind." the boy "admitted". "I wouldn't wanna skip out on a chance to hang out with my new friends."
Luan felt irritated for his vague and general reason but kept smiling.
"You should. You owe me one after you've upset me."
"Huh?"
This was her chance. Luan stepped closer and placed her hands on his shoulders. Lynn instantly fumed and clenched her teeth.
"You didn't call me for almost three days, nor did you answer any of my messages!" Luan started chastising him. "And don't you try sweet-talking your way out of it!"
"Oh, great. A repeat." Ryan groaned inwardly.
"You weren't ignoring me, were you?" the comedian looked at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes she could muster.
"Wut!" Lynn feigned surprise. "Someone's trying to avoid blabbermouth Luan Loud like the plague? How unexpected." mockery was leaking from every word the jock uttered.
Luan trembled with rage and glowered at her with pure hatred.
"I'm sorry, Lu. I've just been busy." Ryan spoke up, diverting her attention back to him.
"Why yes!" Lynn beamed with glee and boasted. "He and I were so busy having fun for the last few days. We went swimming, we explored caves, we played basketball, we had movie nights and I introduced him to Mexican wrestling, which is our special little thing by the by."
Luan glared daggers at her sister again. "That shameless, boyfriend-stealing cow!"
"Which reminds me." Lynn smarmily grabbed Ryan's arm and pulled him back. "We promised dad to assemble the girls, right Ryan?"
Ryan blinked. "Why yes-"
"Yes! Now go check on the twins, I'll fetch Lisa!" Lynn barked and pushed him out of the room before stepping out herself and grabbing the door handle.
She smirked at Luan. "Why don't you go help Leni and Lucy prepare the food? It oughta help you catalog the stuff you can or can't eat with that humongous construction site wedged between your chompers!"
Luan gave her a murderous glare. Satisfied that she had won this roasting contest, Lynn smirked evilly before shutting the door.
Steam started coming out of Luan's head as she balled her fists and trembled uncontrollably. "Oh! It's on now, Lynn!"
"I'm not going! It sounds boring and stupid and I can't stand you people because you are all annoying or stupid or mean or all of that at once!" Lola cried petulantly while brushing her hair and admiring herself in the mirror.
To say that Lincoln was unsurprised would be an understatement.
"I already told you, Lola. This isn't for you or me to decide, it's dad's orders." he repeated to her in a tired tone.
"I don't care what he wants! It's a stupid idea and he's stupid for thinking that it's a good idea!"
Lincoln sighed, dreading that this conversation would end with Lynn or Ryan dragging the kicking and screaming princess into the van. He hoped against hope that they could avoid such unpleasantries.
"I can't go! I promised the Fishmens that I would visit them this noon!" Lana lamented on top of a chair while pouring a jar of dead bugs to feed Izzy and the rest of her lizards into their glass cage.
Lincoln turned around and groaned. "They won't go anywhere. They're fish living in a small lake."
"And I have to give this application to enter my next pagent!" Lola spun around and flaunted an envelope in her hand. "Do you know how much time I've spent trying to find the right dress to wear for the occasion!"
"Lola, we can stop on the way for you to sign up. You don't need to make a fuss about it." Lincoln countered exasperatedly.
"I don't care! I don't want to be around you idiots on a picnic!" Lola whined. "Especially with Lana, who eats like a pig!"
"Well, I don't want to be around you and your big mouth either!" Lana countered and stuck her tongue out.
"Why you!" Lola snarled and the twins charged at each other.
Lincoln grabbed them by both the fabric of their clothes and pulled them apart.
"Listen, you two!" Lincoln grew agitated as he hoisted them up. "I'm trying to make this easy for you! If you disobey dad you could get grounded for this! So you won't be able to go to your pagent or visit your fishy friends."
"He wouldn't dare!" Lola dismissed him while trying to grab her twin, who did the same.
"He most certainly would and he's very adamant about this trip." Lincoln explained. "You two can either go peacefully or I won't be able to stop Ryan and Lynn from dragging you to the van."
"Oh, so you're threatening us now?" Lola cried in annoyance.
"That Ryan is a real jerk!" Lana complained.
"Of course, he's a meat-headed ruffian!" Lola agreed before clutching her hands under her chin in a mocking gesture. "That's why Lynn has such a huge crush on him. Gross!"
"I like to think it's my animal magnetism." Ryan snarked as he entered the room.
"No! Don't you dare step into my room, you filthy oger!" Lola cried.
"Your room? Well, I'm glad I didn't wipe my feet then." Ryan sneered.
"AHH! I'll kill him!" Lola's eyes turned red as she ran in place with her arms outstretched.
"Lola, behave yourself!" Lincoln barked as Ryan snickered with amusement.
"Oh no. Let her try her best shot." he challenged the princess with a sneer before spotting something. Lola's dress tore and she charged at him.
"What's that?" Ryan's eyes widened as he rushed towards the glass cages, unwittingly kicking his knee into Lola's gut, knocking her down.
"No! It's not fair!" Lola rolled onto her belly and started crying and pounding her fists against the floor. "I want to maim him! I want to murder him! It's not fair!"
Hops and the other frogs and salamanders jumped off their rocks and into the water as Ryan's gruesome mug came into view. He viewed the amphibians tank with interest before looking over the snake cage and finally the one containing the lizards and geckos.
"Now there's something you don't see in every household." Ryan rubbed his chin, sounding fascinated.
"Hey! Leave them alone!" Lana cried as Lincoln let go of her to help Lola up.
Lola realized her dress was ripped and promptly cried at the top of her lungs. "My dress! My favorite dress! You monsters!"
Lincoln covered his ears while Ryan completely ignored her and casually picked up a terrified snake out of her cage with both hands.
"A garter snake? Cool." he commented while observing the reptile's mosaic red, black and yellow colorations. "Y'know, Lana, I once owned a Nile monitor but had to release him back into the wild after he devoured the neighbor's dog."
"You leave Gretchen alone!" Lana jumped on her chair and snatched the snake from him and placed her back in her cage.
"Chill, squirt. I've handheld venomous snakes." Ryan said coolly.
"Stay away from them, you jerk!" Lana glared at him and spread her arms out to shield her pets.
Ryan raised an eyebrow. "What's your damage, squirt? I thought we were cool?" he asked nonchalantly.
"No, we're not! You attacked me and Lola and held us upside down. And you stuffed us into a bag!"
Ryan snorted. "Oh, that? I was just messing around with you, kiddo. Learn to take a joke."
"That wasn't funny! That was mean." Lana scowled.
"Oh come now, that's old news. Why not just forgive and forget."
"Why would I forget you being a jerk!" Lana grew more annoyed.
Ryan looked surprised, while Lincoln tried to get away from Lola's crying and approached him.
"What's the matter? You're not used to not being loved by the half of my sisters you like?" he asked him dryly, earning a glare from Ryan.
Ryan looked back at Lana. "Sheesh, kid. What do you want from me? An apology?"
"Yes." the tomboy said bluntly.
Ryan snorted and looked aside. "Right, as if. Ryan Taylor does not apologize." he replied dismissively.
"Besides, you were dogging him the first time." he gestured at Lincoln. "And we thought you were wrecking the house the second time. I had to intervene."
"Fine, be a jerk then!" Lana snapped before looking away, pouting and folding her arms.
"Smooth move, buddy." Lincoln snarked exasperatedly at the other boy before looking around to see Lola glaring at them viciously.
Lincoln sighed. "Alright, Taylor. Do your thing."
Meanwhile
"Hey! Wake up! Lisa!" Lynn yelled while holding and shaking a sleeping Lisa after having found her passed out on the floor.
With drool dripping down her mouth, Lisa's head slung to the side and she continued snoring.
Lynn lifted her glasses up and pried her left eye open, revealing it to be bloodshot. Wincing, Lynn let go and the genius's eyelid dropped down.
The jock groaned and took another glance at the creepy fox toy with tubes stuck to it and shuddered. "Ugh, I so regret giving her that thing."
She turned back to Lisa, contemplating. "Rats! What am I supposed to do now?"
"I would advise. To let my master rest. Eight hours of sleep assure a sound mind."
Lynn flinched at the sudden voice and realized that it came from the motionless toy.
"What the hell?" Lynn squinted her eyes.
"But master Lisa requires ten hours of slumber. To fuel her ingenious cerebral cortex." Fenton elaborated robotically before revealing a newly installed feature of his.
His eyes rotated, so he was now looking at Lynn despite remaining limp. Lynn was creeped out by it and nearly dropped Lisa from fright. Fenton's orbs scanned the visitor without any beams.
"Verifying subject's identity. Lynn Loud II. Runner-up for master's most cognitively-stunted kin."
"What the hell did you just say?" a slack-jawed Lynn asked him. There was no doubt this...thing was one of Lisa's creations, as it had inherited her overelaborate, impossible to understand vocabulary.
Lynn shook her head. "Never mind! You're her robo butler, right?" she asked curtly while placing Lisa on her bed.
"Affirmative. But I prefer the term "assistant". Designation: Fenton."
"Why are you blabbering about destinations?" Lynn asked ignorantly.
Fenton looked at her silently. Conversing with someone with such a low IQ was an alien experience to him.
"Actually, I don't really care, fox-bot." Lynn waved her hand dismissively before pointing at the slumbering toddler. "What's the deal with sleeping beauty here?"
"Master refused to take her daily. Ten hours of rest. Spent night cycle cleaning her lab. Master collapsed from exhaustion. Precisely thirty-six minutes prior to. Your arrival."
Lynn raised an eyebrow. "You're saying she didn't sleep at all last night, right?"
"Affirmative." Fenton replied politely.
"And you're saying she'll be out cold for like ten hours?" Lynn added with intrigue.
"Undoubtedly. I would appreciate you letting master sleep."
Lynn thought about it and smirked. "I think that can be arranged."
"Stupid dad...stupid trip...ughh..." a surly Lori muttered to herself in the driver's seat of Vanzilla, a picnic basket on the passenger seat, with Lucy and Luan sitting separately within the van, none of the three finding any reason to converse with each other, and with only Luan being remotely excited for the trip.
The silence was cut short as Lincoln walked up to the van together with Ryan, who was whistling a happy tune while carrying the kicking and protesting twins under his arms.
Lori saw them in the rearview mirror but didn't acknowledge them and kept muttering to herself. She wasn't exactly surprised to see those two brats putting up a noisy resistance to this trip.
The protesting stopped as Ryan unceremoniously dropped the twins in front of the van and dusted his hands.
"You're going to pay for that!" Lola barked at him as she and Lana got up.
"Will you cut the drama and take your seat." Lincoln groaned tiredly.
Luan and Lucy peeked through the van. "Hey, guys? Do we have some uncooperative passengers?" the comedian quipped and giggled to herself.
Lola growled at her. "No! Try prisoners held here against our will!"
"This blows!" a surly Lana folded her arms.
"Hey, Lana? Did you bring your frog along? So you two can hop on!" Luan sniggered, prompting the tomboy to seeth with annoyance.
Lola clutched her head and cried, "What did I do to deserve this!"
"Do you want the full list or just the bullet points?" Lucy asked with a small smirk.
"Shut up, you ugly goth hag!" Lola raised her fist. "Or you'll finally see a real funeral! First hand!"
Lincoln rolled his eyes and faced Ryan. "Where's Luna by the way?"
"Oh. She left to attend that battle of the bands she's been talking about." Luan said helpfully.
"Yeah, it wouldn't have been right to force her to bail on her band." Ryan shrugged lazily. "Probably won't be back for the rest of the day. Real shame." he added and gave Lincoln a nod.
Lincoln nodded back with understanding.
"What?!" Lola blurted and spun around to snarl at her brother. "So stupid Luna gets a free pass but I don't!"
Lincoln scowled at her. "Her gig was today, your pagent isn't. There's a big difference."
"But what about me visiting the Fishmens today? Like I've promised?" Lana asked angrily.
"They won't swim away anywhere." Ryan told her unsympathetically.
"This is an outrage! You're giving Luna special treatment while treating me like yesterday's trash!" Lola jumped up and down, now in full-blown tantrum mode.
Ryan shook his head and leaned down to look at her. "Listen, Half-Print. Lemme tell you a little secret." he cooed at her with mock sympathy.
"We really don't care about what you want and nobody here likes you." he said in a sickeningly sweet voice, making Lola boil with barely contained fury. Lucy snickered behind her.
Ryan's aloof expression returned as he erected himself. "So quit yapping and deal with it." he added bluntly.
"He's right, Lola. Most of us aren't crazy about this either but at least we don't whine about it." Lincoln agreed sternly.
"Grrr...go jump in a lake, you butt-holes!" Lola snapped at them.
"Hey, guys! Is everyone ready to go?" Lynn ran up to them.
"Lynn, where's the little brainiac?" Ryan asked her in a tone that suggested he really didn't care for an answer.
"I found her asleep and couldn't wake her up." Lynn shrugged her shoulders. "That ugly fox-bot of hers told me she spent all night cleaning her lab, so now she's out like a light."
"So you left her behind?" Lincoln asked, sounding not even remotely disappointed about it.
"I did, but don't worry. I've warned dad about it." Lynn reassured him. "If she wakes up, he'll make sure she stays put and behaves herself."
Knowing that most of her lab had been trashed, the three of them felt confident that Lisa could be left unguarded for a while. The rest of the siblings hardly seemed to care about her absence.
"Huh, finally some good news." Lola huffed. "At least none of us will have to suffer Lisa's blabbering today."
"I'm here! This is going to be so awesome!" came Leni's merry voice.
She skipped into the scene with the biggest, brightest smile imaginable, carrying her handbag over her shoulder and a second picnic basket with one hand.
Ryan narrowed his eyes warily upon seeing her.
"Hey, guys! Are you all as excited for this as I am!" she squealed with joy, only to be met with silence and some frosty glares.
"I sure am!" Luna shot her two finger guns while sending Ryan a flirtatious smile.
Lori leaned through the window. "Everyone's here? Alright, let's get this over with." she ordered in a crabby demeanor.
Leni didn't notice her as she spotted Ryan and squealed. "Ryan! You're coming too?"
"What's it to ya?" he shot Leni a scrutinizing glare.
"Yes, yes he is." Lincoln sighed.
"What?!" Lori blurted angrily.
"That's totes sweet of you!" Leni exclaimed happily before sending Lynn a suggestive glance. "I know that this means a lot to someone here." she giggled, making Lynn seeth and blush.
"I know, he's such a sweetheart." Luan happily agreed. "That's why she's so thrilled to be on this trip."
"Aww, you're totes right, Luan." Leni replied. "We're both so happy for our little sister."
Luan shot her an annoyed glare while Lynn struggled to stay composed.
"What? Did I say something wrong?" Leni asked the comedian with a confused expression when an enraged Lori jumped out of the van, drawing everyone's attention.
"Oh, no!" she waved her arms flippantly. "No! No! No! Nadda! Nope! No way! Not happening!" she pointed at Ryan. "That twerp is not coming!"
"Oh yes, he is!" Lynn marched up to her. "I've invited him and he has his right to come!"
"In your dreams, Lynn!" Lori folded he arm and took on a haughty demeanor. "In case you've forgotten, I decide who goes and who doesn't. Plus, this is a family trip and he's not family."
"Who died and put you in charge!" Lynn challenged her.
"Doy! I'm the oldest and dad put me in charge!" Lori retorted sharply.
"Actually, dad never said you were in charge." Lincoln clarified, joining Lynn's side.
"That's true, Lori. He just dropped by to tell us about the trip." Leni said helpfully before pulling Ryan into a one-armed hug and pleaded sweetly. "Please, let him come. You'll hurt his feelings."
"Hey! Hands off!" Ryan pushed himself free and ran up to Lynn and Lincoln. "And I don't have feelings!" he protested indignantly."That chick is one merciless troll."
"No, I won't!" Lori lashed out. "And it's an unspoken rule that I'm automatically in charge when our parents aren't present!"
"It's not! He's coming and that's final!" Lynn protested.
"Lori's right!" Lola chimed in. "This is a family trip and he's not family!"
"So what? He can come if he wants to!" Luan argued. "We have two empty slots as it is!"
"I don't want him to come!" Lana lamented.
"Come on, guys, it's not nice to cast someone out!" Leni exclaimed supportively.
Lincoln did a quick headcount before clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. "Girls! Let's just solve this democratically!"
"How will making a demo reel solve this?" Leni scratched her head.
Lincoln sighed. "No, Leni. I mean we should vote on this." he explained and raised his hand up. "Everone who wants Ryan to join us say 'I'."
"I!" Lynn, Luan and Lucy raised their hands up immediately.
"Uh! Me too!" Leni happily raised hers too, much to Ryan's surprise.
Lori and Lola went agape and Ryan smirked at them.
"Looks like the people have spoken. Popularity power wins again." the boy said smugly.
Recovering from her shock, Lori slapped her forehead and dragged her hand down her face before groaning. "Fine! Whatever! Just hop on so we can get this over with!" she jumped back into the driver's seat while Luan opened the door for the others to enter.
As they all climbed in, Luan wasted no time grabbing Ryan's arm and pulling him closer. "You wanna sit with me? I saved ya a seat!"
"Sure." the boy shrugged coolly as he passed by her, much to Lynn's ire.
The jock swiftly grabbed Luan by the shoulders and threw her out of the van. Ryan winced in shock as Luan hit the pavement and Lynn grasped his arm.
"In your dreams, Chuckles! He's sitting with his best friend!" she exclaimed possessively as she sat by the window and pulled Ryan next to her.
Growling, Luan staggered back into the vehicle and sat next to Ryan, shooting Lynn a vicious glare and vice versa.
"Lincoln, you can sit with me." Lucy offered her brother a place in the back of the van.
"Sure, Luce." he accepted the gesture with a smile and sat next to her. They both heard the argument in front of them.
"Buzz off, Brace Face! It's getting crammed here!"
"Then haul your big bottom to another seat! I asked him first!"
"I met him first!"
Sandwiched in the middle, Ryan remained quiet as a small grin crept onto his face. "I probably shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I do."
"What's with those two?" Lincoln wondered out loud.
"They're fighting over Ryan's affection." Lucy said simply.
"Huh?"
"They've been doing that for days. One night, I heard them have a heated argument. A lot of harsh words were exchanged."
Stunned, Lincoln felt nauseous like never before. "Oh, this can't be for real!" he facepalmed.
"Did you at least get my envelope?" a crabby Lola asked Leni, while an equally crabby Lana sulked next to her twin.
"Sure I did. It's right here." the teen confirmed while patting her purse. A look of confused uncertainty suddenly washed over her features.
"Eh...that's the...thingy that the mailman brings letters in, right?" she asked while mimicking a rectangle with her fingers.
"I'm not gonna survive this." Lola cried feebly with her face buried in her hands.
Lori whistled through her fingers, earning everyone's attention. "Listen up, everyone! Let's get something clear!"
"Obviously most of us don't want to be here." she stated bluntly.
"Whatever gave you that idea?" Lola huffed sarcastically.
"But...but I want to be here?" Leni said timidly, like a confused child.
"But dad has forced us to do this, so you guys have to behave yourself and make this as painless as possible. It's for everyone's benefit."
"So there is a brain in that mannequin head after all." Ryan whispered to Lynn, who quietly sniggered.
Lincoln raised his head above them and spoke up. "Lori's right. Having a picnic could be fun, as long as everyone's willing to cooperate and compromise."
"Well, at least someone has common sense here." Lori muttered with a hint of respect before resuming her commanding tone.
"That won't cut it! I'm not sacrificing the date I've planned with my future husband, so he'll be joining us and we'll hold this freaking picnic near our original rendezvous site, so I want all of you at your best behavior! Understand!"
"Future husband, eh? That can't be healthy." Ryan whispered to Lynn.
"That's nothing. You should hear the ten baby names she's already chosen." she whispered back to him with amusement.
"Which means..." Lori continued "...you Lana! Stay away from any mudholes, and don't you dare pick up any disease-ridden animal."
"Killjoy..." the tomboy muttered bitterly and folded her arms.
"And don't you cry or complain about anything, Lola!"
The princess looked scandalized. "I'll have you know that I've won three badges for best etiquette during my career!"
"And you, Luan. Zip it! Just zip it for the rest of the day!"
Luan scowled but kept quiet.
"And don't ever talk to Bobby, Ryan! And since you're already there, make yourself useful by keeping a leash on that jumping bean next to you!"
Lynn boiled with rage while Ryan patted her on the shoulder to calm her down.
"And Lucy! Do what you do best and stay invisible!"
Lincoln saw no visible reaction from his gothic sister but knew that this comment had stung her hard.
He scowled at Lori. "And what about me?" he asked curtly.
Lori was about to answer, but couldn't quite think of anything major to criticize him about. "Just don't annoy Bobby with some nerd talk about video games or comics! Capisce, twerp!"
With that, Lori turned around and buckled her seatbelt and started the van. "Now that the rules have been set, let's go."
She was about to close the window when something jumped up, frightening her.
"Lincoln wait!" Clyde cried, clinging on to the window.
"What the?" hearing his name, Lincoln peaked over Lynn and Ryan and facepalmed upon realizing who it was.
The rest of the occupants, minus Leni, promptly groaned and rolled their eyes seeing Clyde.
"Ugh! We're on a schedule, Lincoln! What does your dweeb friend want!" Lori complained.
Clyde was about to cry for Lincoln not to leave him when he realized who he was currently facing and promptly grew stiff and light-headed.
"L...Lor...rire..." he babbled incomprehensibly while blood started dripping from his nose.
Lori rolled her eyes and tapped him on the head, waking him out of his trance.
"What do you want, dweeb!"
"Wha...where am I?" Clyde babbled, still mesmerized by her.
"Excuse me! Coming through!" Lincoln jumped over the other seats and arrived to shake Clyde awake.
"Lincoln?!" he sobered up and grew a frightened expression.
"Clyde, this is kind of a bad time." Lincoln told him.
"What?" Clyde squeaked. "Why are you all in the van? Don't tell me you're moving away?!"
"We're going on a family picnic, Einstein." Lana told him dourly.
"And Bobby's waiting for me, so if you don't mind we'd like to be on our way!" Lori barked irritably.
"Bobby..." Clyde hissed, his face darkening. This was so much worse than he thought. Not only was his best friend abandoning him, but the love of his life was still clinging on to that jerkwad!
This was too much for Clyde to take. Fearing he would soon suffer from hyperventilation, he grabbed his friend's shirt.
"Lincoln, please! You have to let me come along! My panic attacks are getting worse the longer I stay away from you! I don't even know what's real anymore!"
"Is this guy for real?" Ryan snarked to Lynn, as they, Luan and even Lucy stood up to observe the show.
Lincoln pushed his arms back. "I'm sorry, buddy, but this is a family picnic."
"Yeah! And one insufferable freeloader is enough!" Lola complained, looking up at Ryan.
Lynn scowled at her. "Awwww, Lola. You shouldn't talk about yourself like that." she commented snidely.
Lola growled and tried attacking her, but Lynn shoved her hand in the princesses' face and effortlessly kept her at bay.
"Forget it, dweeb! Now beat it!" Lori barked.
"But...but..." Clyde looked like he was on the verge of crying "...but why does he get to join you!" he pointed at Ryan.
"Easy, dorko. Most of these guys love me like family. Five out of the eight of them voted for me to come." Ryan stated proudly.
"Then why can't I get a fair shot too?!" Clyde cried.
Lincoln gulped while Lori scoffed and grew an amused smirk.
"Clyde, I don't think that's a good idea." Lincoln tried to let him down gently.
"No, no, Lincoln. Clyde's right that he deserves a fair shot." Lori insisted before turning to the other passengers. "Alright, guys. Who's for Clyde tagging along?"
"Oh! Me! Me! The more the merrier!" Leni raised her hand excitedly. Everyone else just stared at Clyde with deadpan glares.
Sighing dejectedly, Lincoln raised his hand up too.
Clyde's face fell and Lori shrugged lazily. "Oh, well. Tough luck there."
Pushing Lincoln back, she grabbed Clyde by the collar of his shirt and dangled him out of the van.
"Now get lost!" she barked before tossing him away like a trash bag. Lincoln winced and then sighed watching that.
"Step on it, Lori, before he gets up!" Lynn urged her, still keeping Lola at bay.
"On it!" Lori stepped on the gas and the van sped off, causing Lincoln to lose balance and fall back between Leni and Lola.
"Hey, Linky, is Clyde coming or not?" Leni asked him with a bright smile.
Recovering, Clyde stood up and was quickly engulfed by the vehicle's exhaust fumes.
Coughing violently, by the time the smoke cleared up Clyde saw the van disappearing on the horizon.
"LINCOLN! DON'T LEAVE ME!" he cried as he made a desperate attempt to chase after it only to quickly run out of breath and stop in front of Mr. Grouse's house.
"Lincoln! No! I have to find him!" Clyde started rambling to himself before gasping and clutching his face. "Oh, no! But we've been apart for so long! What if I can't recognize him anymore! He wears a blue shirt, right!?"
Grouse walked out of his house, then stopped and stared blankly for a moment before slowly stepping back and closing his door after seeing Clyde sitting curled up in the middle of the road, rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb. The boy quickly caused traffic, with drivers stopping and angrily honking their horns behind him.
RIP Geo and maybe Charles. They'll be reunited with Walt (and what other pets the Louds might have accidentally killed in the past) in the great pet shop in the sky. Is Cliff the sole survivor of the main Loud pets quartet? Can he find his way back home without becoming wolf chow? And looks like Lisa will have some skeletons in her closet after all.
And like chapters 9-11, this is another instance where I took an event from the show and injected some realism into it, where instead of magically making things better in the end the siblings' antics had much more realistic consequences here XD And yeah, I'm not a fan of A Fridge Too Far, or any episode in general that involves the siblings squabbling over something and has all of them act like whiny, petty jerks, which I briefly addressed through Lincoln.
This was another lengthy chapter and mostly set up, but I've tried to milk it for lots of character interaction and as much comedy mileage as possible.
And my dislike for Clyde definitely showed towards the end XD They'll be more from where that came from XD
