Driving through town, Vanzilla stopped at a traffic light. A surly Lori glared at it while impatiently tapping the wheel, waiting for the green light. To say that she was mad at her old man would be putting things lightly.

Behind her, sandwiched between Leni and the twins, Lincoln didn't fail to notice her sour disposition. It didn't require much perception to know when Lori was upset, even on the rare occasions where she didn't vocally announce her displeasure, and he did feel some sympathy for her.

Luna and Lisa getting a free pass on this trip due to circumstances or prior commitments but not her undoubtedly felt unfair to Lori, and he didn't doubt that Bobby had worked hard to secure that reservation she was talking about, only to abruptly be forced to cancel it.

Under different circumstances, Lincoln would have gladly let her have her fun. It was as good of a distraction as any his inner circle could have concocted to keep her away, but they needed a driver and were unfortunately out of any alternative options.

Lola was quietly sulking while Lana had started fidgeting and grunting uncomfortably next to her, slowly getting on her twin's nerves.

"So, is Clyde going to catch up with us later?" Leni asked Lincoln absentmindedly. The boy sighed.

"No, Leni." he replied simply. "I think Lori tossing him out of the van was a pretty definitive 'no'. Plus, he's not quite as popular with our family as Ryan is, as we just saw."

"Aw, well that's a bummer." Leni looked disappointed. "Y'know, between you and me, I'm starting to think that Lori doesn't really like him. I dunno why?"

"Gee, maybe him being a whiny little wimp has something to do with it?" Lola butted in. "Or maybe it's his creepy crush on her?"

Lincoln wanted to argue about it but kept quiet. He and his friends weren't manly men, he couldn't deny that, and even he had to admit that Clyde's infatuation with his sister was pretty annoying.

Even if he was that into older girls, Lincoln never understood why Lori would specifically catch his eye over the more affable Leni, Luna or Luan?

"Clyde's crushing on someone?" Leni looked surprised. "Is it that Cristina girl? Oh, no wait!" she laughed. "That's Lincoln's crush!"

Not too long ago, such an accusation would have easily triggered him, but right now Lincoln's only response was to let his eyelids drop halfway and he groaned. "Leni, for the last time, I'm not crushing on anyone." he replied tiredly.

"But we saw you being such a gentleman to her." a chipper Leni pointed out.

Lincoln's expression didn't change one iota. "I gave her my PB&J sandwich cuz she looked sad after she dropped hers. I think you're looking too deeply into it."

"He's got a point." Lola shrugged smugly. "Why even try to charm a girl when you have no charm? Lincoln's no knight in shining armor. He's more like the homely, scrawny page who carries his sword."

"Whatever you say, Lola." Lincoln replied indifferently.

The princess blinked before narrowing her eyes, irritated that her criticism didn't anger him.

Lana's grunting got louder as she pressed her legs together.

"Ugh! Will you quit making that noise!" Lola finally lashed out at her. "It's annoying!"

"I have to pee!" the tomboy retorted irritably.

"Oh really?" her twin snorted unhelpfully. "Then you should have gone before we left!"

"We were dragged out before I could, you dummy!" Lana snapped.

"What did you call me!" Lola growled only to be grabbed by Lincoln. "Don't even think about it."

"Lemme go!" she protested as Lincoln dumped her on Leni's lap.

"Please, keep her calm while I deal with Lana." he told the teen.

"Uhhh, do you want to ride on my knee?" Leni asked her sweetly.

"No, you moron!" Lola looked insulted. "I'm not a baby!"

"You're not? But aren't you...like five?" Leni was perplexed. A vein on the princess' temple grew exponentially.

"Lena's finally putting her trolling to good use." Ryan smirked behind them after hearing the delicious sound of Lola ranting.

"...and so, dad kept asking me if I got the role in the school play."

He turned back to Luan, who was chatting with him.

"So I told him to stop being so nosy!" Luan chuckled while miming her father's massive honker with her hand, prompting Ryan to snicker, while Lynn silently boiled behind him.

"And did that comment rub him the wrong way him for some reason?" Ryan asked rhetorically.

"I think it did." Luan feigned innocence. "Kind of like the time I complimented him for having the courage to get some fancy food critic to taste his food. I said 'Gee, pops. That's a bald move'!" she said while stroking the top of her head.

"Classic!" Ryan sniggered while shooting her a finger gun, much to Lynn's ire, prompting her to elbow him in the ribs.

"Ow. What?" Ryan snarked.

"Ryan." she addressed him passive-aggressively. "Instead of subjecting yourself to her table scrap comedy, why don't you try listening to the thrilling tale of how I scored the winning goal against the Tomball Hornets!"

"Pfftt...how about a story that doesn't involve stroking your ego?" Luan scoffed.

"How about a story that doesn't involve the murder of comedy?" Lynn smirked smugly.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Eh, no offense there, but I've heard plenty of your sports tales already and most of them sound pretty samey to me."

"But by all means, keep fighting over the grand prize, girls."

Luan smirked in agreement. "Given how most of them are just excuses for our little sports star to boast about how "awesome" she is, wha'd ya expect? Saying the same joke over and over is textbook bad comedy."

Lynn growled loudly, which Lincoln didn't fail to hear.

"And you would know everything there is to know about bad comedy, huh?" came the jock's taunting response.

Lincoln shuddered, listening to their argument. Two of his sisters and Ryan, in a love triangle? That was so wrong on so many levels. Treating Aunt Ruth's bunions was less repulsive and creepy by comparison.

In hindsight, he shouldn't have been surprised. Ever since Lynn and Ryan started getting chummy he had feared that this day would come, and knew that he would just have to deal with it. After all, the two were already pretty tight, them dating wouldn't have meant more or less Ryan in his life. But throwing Luan into the equation was a different matter, and Lincoln thought that Luan wanting to play matchmaker for the former two was bad.

He didn't know how to approach this matter. Firstly, he had bigger worries at hand, and secondly, this was a super uncomfortable topic for him to even think about.

"I really have to go!" Lana whined. "My bladder's gonna pop!"

"Lori, can't we pull over somewhere?" Lincoln called out to the driver.

"I said no! We're on a schedule!" Lori retorted dismissively, her eyes firmly on the road. "And stop distracting me! You wanna cause a crash!"

Lincoln scowled, Lori was just being unreasonable now.

Lana stuck her tongue out at Lori while Lola snickered. "Tough luck there, Lana. Hope there's no "accident"."

"I know, right? That's why we shouldn't pester the driver." Leni chimed in obliviously. "It's an important safety tip."

Lincoln held Lana back from attacking her twin. Behind them, things were similarly getting volatile.

"Alright, alright. How about we talk about our goals in life? I'll start!" a cocky Lynn pointed at herself.

"You wanna be an Olympic athlete, I know." Ryan replied in an uninterested tone. "You've told me that, a lot."

Lynn shot him an annoyed glare. "Oh, really, Smarty Pants? And do you remember about all the records I want to break?"

Luan saw her chance and scoffed. "Records? The only record you're gonna break is collecting the biggest stack of red cards in history, given your "sportsmanship"."

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "At least I have a promising future and the talent to prove it!" she huffed smugly. "While you'll probably be stuck working as a birthday clown!"

Luan fumed, but Lynn wasn't done yet and rubbed her chin. "Then again, you might have better luck joining the logging business? You'll have no trouble cutting down trees with those chompers! Embrace your gifts, sis!" the jock told her while sticking out her own incisors to mimic her.

Ryan couldn't hold back his giggling while Luan covered her buck teeth and sent him a hurt look.

Immediately feeling scummy, Ryan tried to suppress his laughter and glanced at Lynn. "Lynn...that was...mean." he told her between giggles, trying to form a straight face. Luan smiled at the gesture.

"Pffft...and who are you to lecture me about being mean?" Lynn shot back smugly, happy to have the upper hand. "You badmouth your sister all the time!"

"That's a different story." the boy countered. "We both know that my sister's a mega-bitch."

Lynn sneered. "And Luan doesn't fit that criteria...how?"

Luan drew her breath to retort when Lucy suddenly dropped between her and Ryan. The startled boy scooted back, pressing Lynn further against the door and window.

"Ryan, I wanted to ask you something?" the goth asked simply, holding a newspaper.

"Lucy!" Lynn ranted as she pushed Ryan back. "It's crammed here enough even without you!"

"Don't be so harsh, Lynn." Ryan told here in a chill demeanor. "We shouldn't leave Spooky by her lonesome back there, not after Lincoln abandoned her."

Hearing that, Lincoln turned away from the protesting Lana and looked over his seat. "Hey! I did not! I had to talk to Clyde and then Lori hit the gas and I couldn't-"

"It's okay, Lincoln. I hold no ill will for that." Lucy responded simply.

"You're too forgiving, kiddo." Ryan commented snidely.

Lincoln scowled. "Will you quit trying to stir up fights? We have enough problems as it is."

"I know, I heard it." Ryan shrugged. "Blondy won't let the squirt take a bathroom break. Now that's just school teacher level of meanness."

"Being hindered from experiencing the joy of relieving yourself in the restroom is a true act of inhumane cruelty." Lucy commented poignantly.

"Tell me about it, especially if you have to wait in front of nine people while doing the pee-pee dance." Luan agreed.

"You guys aren't helping!" Lana's head snapped up to glower at them. She immediately glanced back at Lori. "I can't take this no more!" she jumped off her seat.

"Wait!" Lincoln followed her.

"Ryan, look at this." Lucy showed him the front page of the newspaper and Ryan read the article.

"Missing person? Hmmm...interesting." he noted with mild intrigue.

"I know, they say this girl vanished without a trace while her family was hiking around Lake Charlevoix three weeks ago." Lucy said with morbid fascination.

"Legend has it that it's located near a Native American burial ground where the tribes' shamen had placed a curse so that any white men who committed sacrilege by trespassing would have their children taken and devoured by the Wendigo, a beast with the power to move between time and space to hunt down its unfortunate victim in order to satisfy its eternal bloodlust." she finished with a creepy whisper.

Luan visibly shook while Lynn rolled her eyes. "Oh brother..." she muttered in disbelief.

"A very interesting story, I gotta say." Ryan replied. "But in all likelihood, that poor sap was probably just eaten by wolves, or maybe bears. Or maybe she just ate some berries she shouldn't have, or she stumbled upon a hidden pit."

"You mean a hidden pit that's too steep to climb back up but shallow enough so that you won't be killed on impact, just badly wounded, and you spend days or maybe weeks in pain and agony, calling for help that never comes and you eventually suffer a slow, agonizing death from starvation and dehydration?" Lucy asked in disturbingly thorough detail.

"Definitely, I've heard dozens of stories like that." was Ryan's chill response. "They make a mauling by a wild animal come off like an act of mercy."

Lynn couldn't take the weirdo bonding anymore. "Ryan, you do realize that the little creepazoid and you were just talking about death and gore like you were talking about last night's baseball game." she told him irritably.

"What can I say?" Ryan responded casually. "The kid knows how to strike up an interesting conversation. You could learn a thing or two from her."

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance (and jealousy), Lynn responded by giving him a smack to the head.

"Lori, I really have to go!" Lana whined while tugging her oldest sister's arm.

"Will you stop doing that, you idiot! I'm driving!" Lori pushed her back and grasped the wheel with both hands.

"Lori, just stop at some fast food joint or a gas station. It won't take long." Lincoln told her while holding the tomboy by the arm.

"I don't need a toilet! I`ll just go behind a tree." Lana complained.

"In public, so everyone can stare at us? Including people I might know?" Lori glared at them indignantly. "Not likely."

Lincoln was losing his patience. "So let's just go with my suggestion. You're making this more difficult than it needs to be."

"I told her to stop being a baby and hold it in till we arrive." Lori replied indifferently, her eyes back on the road.

"And where are we going anyway?" Lincoln inquired.

"The Tisdale Towers, Bobby's been working there as the towel boy for six months."

Lola's eyes widened and she finally cracked a genuine smile. "Really? That's where the judges are staying! And where the competition will take place!"

"So no detours for your pageant then? Excellent!" Lori also finally grew a small smile. Finally, something went in her favor.

Luan, on the other hand, grew visibly pale upon hearing that name.

"You okay?" Lucy asked her while Lynn was busy chewing out Ryan for insinuating that she was boring.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Luan responded a little too quickly. Lucy immediately doubted that the comedian was being truthful but didn't say anything more.

"Wait? Isn't that hotel super expensive?" Lincoln questioned. Lori's frown quickly returned.

"Duh, what did you think, genius? We were gonna dine in the hotel's five-star restaurant." Lori gave him a deadpan glare.

"But if Bobby struggled to get a reservation for just two-"

Lori facepalmed. "I'm not taking all of you twerps to the restaurant!"

"What's that?" Lana blurted with curiosity as she spotted a small speck on the road.

"There's a picnic park next to its golf course." Lori clarified to her brother. "Since Bobby's there and his shift ends in an hour, we'll be going there, as I originally planned."

"Look, guys! An armadillo!" Lana pointed ahead excitedly.

"What armadillo?" Lori asked only for their van to hit a bump, said bump producing a dying squeal.

Lana and Lincoln gasped in horror and Lori gulped nervously.

"You ran it over?!" a teary-eyed Lana said in disbelief, catching everyone's attention.

"Wow, wait?!" Lori blurted defensively. "I'm sure that was just a rock!"

Lucy stood up and looked through the back window. "No, I definitely see roadkill on the horizon." the goth confirmed and looked back at them. "Can we stop so I can give it a proper funeral?"

Lana kneeled down and started crying, prompting everyone sans an indifferent Lola and a confused Leni, to give Lori dirty glares.

"Hey! Don't you blame me for it!" Lori snapped defensively. "It never would have happened if those two hadn't been distracting me!" she gestured at Lana and Lincoln, causing the former to cry even harder.

"Will you shut up!" Lincoln snapped at her before turning to the weeping tomboy. "It's okay Lana, it's...eh..." his voice trailed off as he tried to comfort her.

"Nicely done, Lori..." Lynn snarked bitterly. "Why don't ya post this on your Instagram?"

"I hear animal murder is very trendy on social media." Ryan added sarcastically.

Lori would never have allowed them to badmouth her under any other circumstances, but right now she knew it wouldn't help her case by retaliating and kept her temper even.

"Don't cry, Lana. Vehicular accidents are the main cause of armadillo mortality anyway, especially in Texas." Lucy pointed out, earning a few glares.

"Not helping, you idiot." Lynn warned her.

Seeing that the attention was away from her, Lori turned around and faced the road again. "Eh...Lucy's right! What's done is done. No point in crying over spilled milk." she stated awkwardly only for the engines to suddenly start rumbling.

"No! What now!" she lamented as Vanzilla suddenly came to a halt.

Everyone else, sans Ryan and the still sobbing Lana, looked equally alarmed.

"Don't tell me this rustbucket is breaking down again!?" Lola cried in annoyance as she leaped off Leni's lap.

"We can't push it all the way back home again!" Luan clutched her head, seemingly recounting some very unpleasant memories.

"Guys, relax! It's just out of fuel." Lincoln spoke up and pointed at the fuel gauge next to the wheel.

"Well, that's just dandy!" Lori lamented with bitter sarcasm. "Now we just have to push it all the way to the nearest gas station!"

"Lori, dad always keeps a full fuel tank in the back of the van." Lincoln pointed out.

"Yeah, he always says 'Better to be safe than sorry'." Leni added helpfully. "Another important safety tip for drivers!"

Lori froze and blinked in embarrassment. "Of course, I knew that!" she huffed, trying to keep her dignity.

"Yeah, after the others told you about it." Ryan said snidely, earning a death glare from her.


Trees? Bushes? Moss and boulders? They were everywhere and that's all he could see.

After strenuously climbing up to safety, and nearly slipping to his demise around five times, Cliff had lied down under a tree trunk leaning against a large boulder, trying to hide from sight and catch his breath.

He wasn't used to so much physical labor at once and just wanted to collapse and sleep for hours, but that wasn't an option. Various alien sounds emanating from the forest kept the black cat awake and reminded him that he was still in mortal danger.

He had no idea what to do, all he knew was that he had to get out of this maze of trees and find some sign of human settlement. But even as he was slowly regarding his strength his body remained paralyzed by fear.

One thing that never left his mind was the...monster that had attacked him and Charles. What was that thing? Cliff could only liken it to some kind of dog, like a hulking German Shepard with cat ears and coal-black fur.

Was it still around? Surely it must have left? If it was canine then Cliff knew that hiding would be futile against a dog's sense of smell.

He knew the creature's intention was to devour him. He had only recently learned of the concept of one animal eating another animal, thanks to that towering she-cat that caught poor Walt. Cliff couldn't grasp why she would do that instead of simply eating meat? All she needed to do was to get her owner to use a can opener.

He stood up on wobbly legs, trying to get his bearings. Where was that gas station? Where was the road? He recalled still seeing the human buildings from there. But every inch of this forest looked the same to him and the thick cluster of trees made it impossible to see anything more than seven feet away from him.

What to do?

Then he heard it, the sound of crackling leaves. Something was walking over the dead leaves that littered the forest floor.

Cliff couldn't pinpoint the direction of the sound but it sounded like it was coming closer. What was it? Was it the monster?

His ears folding against his head, Cliff made his decision. Better to run blindly than to be a sitting duck.


"That's just great, Lincoln!" Lori complained outside the van while looking around at the forest of birch trees surrounding the road. "Because of you and the animal lover, I steered off course!"

Standing next to her with Lana, Lincoln was struggling to stay composed. "Will you stop being a drama queen! It's not like we got ourselves lost." he pointed directly at the not-too-distant town.

Leni peeked out of the window. "We didn't? Pew, what a relief." she wiped her forehead while Lola facepalmed next to her.

Lincoln surveyed the area. "I think I saw this road before. Last summer when we traveled to Lake Michigan. If I recall correctly, there's a crossroad up ahead, if we take a left turn and follow the river and pass a big hill it should lead us to that hotel. I remember seeing it from atop the hill when we took a break there to sightsee."

Lori narrowed her eyes. "You better be right, twerp, for your sake! I don't want to keep my sweetheart waiting." she warned him before marching off to grab the fuel tank.

"He is! I remember it too!" Lynn barked from the window only to be ignored. "Crabby cunt..." she muttered under her breath.

Ryan appeared next to her. "The Queen of Mean should lay off the cappuccinos and try out some herbal tea. Caffeine and a short fuse temper don't mix well." he quipped with a sneer.

"Oh, Lori prefers lattes, she loves the taste of chocolate." Leni told him helpfully before adopting a confused expression. "Or was it mochaccinos?"

Ryan glared at her warily. "Well, I'm no expert on drinks, Smiley." he retorted snidely, eyeing her sunglasses. "But I can easily recognize ugly and tacky shades when I see them."

Leni scratched her head but quickly smiled. "You say the weirdest things, Ryan. How can a shadow be tacky?"

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "I'll get through to you yet."

"Doubt it, few things get through to Leni." Luan whispered to him snidely.

"That's before I took a shot at it." Ryan retorted smugly. "This is my one true talent."

"She's persistent, but still a total amateur." he sneered at Leni. "She never even uses clever wordplay."

Luan, Lynn and Lucy were all confused by his statement, but Leni kept smiling.

"Oh, I'm pretty good at wordplay." Leni stated while holding up a magazine and opened it. "I do crossword puzzles every day." she continued while looking one up. "Lemme show you!"

Ryan raised an eyebrow as Leni tapped her lip with her pen in contemplation. "Hmmm...a four letter word that describes the color of the sky? Uh, that's a toughie."

"That's it. I'm out of here." a deadpan Ryan jumped over the seat. "I'm getting some fresh air."

"Right behind ya!" Lynn followed him. Anything to get away from her sisters.

Luan looked at Leni and snickered. "Hey, why don't ya try the word "gray"?"

"That's it! Thanks, Luan!"

Luan continued snickering while Lucy looked at her. "What?" Luan shrugged. "The sky is gray when it's cloudy."


Once they were out, Lynn and Ryan found Lincoln and Lana arguing.

"What's the matter, Lincoln?" Lynn walked up to him.

"I'll tell you. Lincoln won't let me go take a whizz on my own!" Lana complained. "Says I need an "escort"!"

"Guys." Lincoln countered firmly. "You know she might wander off if someone doesn't watch her."

Lynn looked at the woods and immediately experienced unpleasant flashbacks.

"I won't, I'm not a baby! And do you want to stare at my naked buttocks?!" Lana whined.

"Trust me, we don't." Lynn retorted with a squeamish expression. "But he's right, you're too little to wander off to where we can't see you."

"And nobody will watch you pee. Just hide behind a tree." Lincoln added.

Lana's face scrunched up. "I can't do it if I know someone's watching me! I want privacy!"

"In that case, there's another option." Ryan shrugged and was suddenly holding a rope. "When you're done, pull twice. If you're not, pull once."

Lana looked dumbfounded. "Have you gone crazy! I'm not a stinking dog!"

"Will you brats quit arguing and just let her go!" said Lori as she walked past them with the tank and started refueling the van. "We're running late as it is!"

"Yeah, don't want to leave your Honey Bunny waiting." Ryan snarked.

"Oh, so there are a few brain cells in there after all." Lori snorted in response.

"You know, Lori..." Lynn started with a smirk "...if something were to happen to Lana, who do you think dad would hold accountable for it?"

Lori thought about it and grumbled in annoyance. "Fine! Leash her! Just hurry up!" she snapped and turned away from them.

"You can't be serious?!" Lana whined.

"Lana on a leash?" Lola laughed out of the window while filling her nails. "Why does that feel so oddly fitting?"

The tomboy growled as her twin continued laughing.

"That's what you get for eating dog food." the princess added mockingly.


Cliff staggered through the forest, panting. He wasn't hearing the footfall anymore and he did not wish to see if it would return. A raven cawed and flew through the canopy, startling the cat, and he continued running until he stopped to hide between the roots of a large maple tree.

"Stupid Lincoln! Stupid Lynn! That jerkface Ryan!" he suddenly heard a familiar voice ranting. Cliff couldn't believe his luck.

He peeked over the root to see Lana stop at the other side of the tree and look around. For some reason, a rope was attached to her wrist.

Cliff was hesitant about revealing his presence, remembering all too well how last night, the twins had morphed into grotesque, acid-spewing monsters.

Grumbling, Lana pulled down her overalls and crouched down when Cliff heard the faint crackling of leaves, to which Lana remained oblivious.

His heart pounding, Cliff looked around frantically until he saw something behind all those trees, around 60 feet away. The beautiful green and teal colored rolling can that his owners used to move around.

With the footfall growing more audible, Cliff slipped past Lana and made a mad dash for the van.

Lana heard the faint rustle he made but shrugged it off, unaware that she was being watched by a single yellow sclera.


"Where is she! I'm tired of standing around here like an idiot!" Lori complained as she sat back in the driver's seat.

Neither Lincoln or Lynn, who was holding the rope, paid her much mind as they both stared into the forest nervously, bad memories haunting them with every second.

Slowly cracking under the pressure, Lynn pulled on the rope and received a single tug in return. The two siblings felt some relief.

Lincoln shook his head. "Of all the places the van could have stopped..."

"I know, it sucks." Lynn nodded sullenly, both anxiously awaiting Lana's return.

"Chill, guys. She's just taking a leak, and what are the chances of running into that cur a third time?" Ryan shrugged, trying to hide his own anxiety.

"Don't jinx it, Ryan!" Lynn warned him dangerously.

"You believe in jinxes?" Ryan eyed her with amusement when they all heard panting.

They suddenly saw an exhausted black cat staggering up to them.

"Cliff?" Lincoln stared in disbelief as the cat crawled up under his legs and lied down.

"What are you doing here?" Lincoln picked him up and looked at him oddly.

"How did he follow us?" Lynn blurted when Lola noticed what was going on.

"Huh, so that's where he ran off to?" she noted with disinterest.

"Say what now?" Lynn asked her.

The princess shrugged. "Meh, Lana said something how all four of those guys were gone when she tried to feed them this morning."

Lincoln blinked and whispered to the other two. "Guys, I saw Cliff, Charles and Geo run out of the house last night when...you-know-what happened."

"Huh? Why didn't you mention it?" Lynn asked incredulously.

"I didn't think they went far."

"Obviously, you were wrong." Ryan snorted.

Holding Cliff to his chest, Lincoln looked around, as did Lynn, and saw no sign of Charles or Geo. They shouted their name but recieved no response.

"They wouldn't have gone this far without sticking together." Lincoln noted.

"They couldn't have gotten lost?" Lynn asked worriedly.

"So...I guess we'll be making missing pet posters tomorrow." Ryan inquired about this most recent issue for the Louds.


Sighing in relief, Lana rose to her feet and pulled her overalls up. She felt another tug of the rope and tugged back once, muttering irritably.

"What's their deal! Why'd they go all crazy paranoid!" Lana grumbled to herself while readjusting her straps, unaware that a maw full of sharp fangs was looming above her.

One Eye was ready to deliver a swift killing bite to the head when a sudden, ear-penetrating honk caused him to jerk back and shake his head irritably.

Lana covered her ears and clenched her teeth. "Ugh! I hate that noise!" she complained and pulled on the rope twice.

One Eye's jaws lunged at her only to get a mouth full of grass. Spitting it out, the wolf saw the little girl whoop in surprise as she was pulled away, and he growled.


"Woooow!" Lana cried as she was pulled through the bushes and landed on her belly in front of the van.

"What was that for!" she complained while pulling twigs out of her hair and cap.

"Sorry, Lana. I'm a champ at tug-o-war." Lynn shrugged coolly. "I can't just turn off my awesome skills."

"You're a champ at being a stink-head too!" Lana retorted as she stood up. Lynn glared at her.

Hoping to defuse the tension, Lincoln showed Lana their surprise visitor. "Forget that, Lana. Eh, look who we found!"

"Cliff?" Lana beamed and snatched the feline from him.

"Where've you been, you rascal!" Lana gave him a hug. Cliff's slit pupils dilated until they consumed the entire orb as he feared that Lana would transform back into a zombie and tried to break free.

His reaction wasn't lost on Ryan. "Maybe we should intervene before the poor cat has a heart attack." he whispered to his companions.

"Let's just get back on the road first." Lincoln replied.

"What? But what about Charles, Walt and Geo?" Lana protested.

"We've tried calling for them, but from the looks of things Cliff came here alone." Lincoln said regretfully. "If they were all here, surely they would have stuck together."

Lana pouted but knew that what Lincoln said was true. That fact only made them both worry about their lost pets even more.

Lori hit the horn again, making everyone else cringe. "Get your butts up here before I tie you all into precels!" she roared impatiently, oblivious about the large animal that snuck by under the closed driver's window.

Lincoln sighed in annoyance. "Let's go, guys. Don't wanna keep the lovebirds apart." he said sarcastically.

"That stupid witch..." Lana muttered while following him.

As he was being carried, Cliff caught a glimpse of someone peeking from behind the van and started squirming with fear.

"I know, I miss them too." Lana told him comfortingly as she hopped into the van.

One Eye's gaze focused on the two remaining kids. He recognized them. Their smell, their appearance. It looked like his previous hunt wasn't yet over.

"You okay, Lynn?" Ryan noticed the jock staring off into the distance.

"I was just thinking about Charles." she admitted sullenly.

Ryan patted her back. "I know, but we won't find him standing around here."

Lori honked again, causing the two, and One Eye, to flinch.

"C'mon." Ryan grabbed Lynn's hand and pulled her after him.

Neither noticed One Eye sneaking up on Lynn and opening his jaws, only to miss her arm by an inch, as he didn't have the best depth perception anymore, and bite the air before having the van's door pushed into his way.

One Eye halted and stepped back as the engines started running and the van drove off, engulfing the wolf in its exhaust fumes.

Coughing, he jumped out of the cloud of smoke and saw the vehicle disappear down the road.

He barred his teeth in frustration. He had caught salmon less slippery than those two kids and their mangy dog.


The van parked in the picnic area. It was a wide, flowering meadow surrounding a small lake, with small patches of trees along with picnic tables scattered around it. The road leading into the park cut through the middle and circled around the lake. In the distance, one could see the towering hotel building.

There were relatively few people around, which Lincoln didn't mind, as it greatly reduced the chance of any of his sisters causing trouble.

Leni was the first to exit the van, carrying one of the baskets. "Awww, this place's beautiful!" she marveled at the landscape as she placed her basket on the nearest table, taking special note of the colorful carpet of flowers.

"Good thing I came prepared!" the teen exclaimed and pulled a flower vase out of the basket and put it on the table.

Lana jumped on the bench and placed Cliff on the table.

"Are you hungry? Good thing that I brought sardine cans, huh?" she asked him, but the black cat remained shaken and looked around.

He still couldn't believe that he was still alive, and in one piece, but being brought here didn't help ease the feline's fears. He thought they were going to drive him back home, but instead, they had brought him to another wooded area. Cliff's brief track trough mother nature was something he never wished to do again.

Cliff was never an outdoor cat but his run-in with One Eye had only cemented his lack of desire to explore the outside world.

"I know you're worried about Charles, Walt and Geo." Lana told him sympathetically and petted his head. "But don't you worry, we'll find them in no time."

"Will you get him off the table! It's not sanitary!" Lola arrived to give her twin an earful. Spooked by her loud voice, Cliff jumped off and hid beneath it.

"Says who! You're not the boss of us!" the tomboy shot back.

"Animals don't eat at the table!" Lola retorted before growing a haughty smile. "That goes for the both of you!"

Lana fumed when Leni suddenly appeared between them. "Hey! Do you want to pick flowers?" she asked them cheerfully.

"Fine by me." Lola shrugged and quickly followed her. "Better than lecturing Cat Litter Breath there about proper etiquette."

Lana was about to jump after her when Lori grabbed her shoulder and ordered her to help drape the picnic blanket over the table.

Ryan stepped out of the van and breathed in the fresh air. "Ah, away from the buzz and pollution of the city and into mother nature. Now we're talking." he exhaled in a relaxed manner.

Luan tentatively joined his side, holding the other basket. She wanted to chat with him, but her mind was elsewhere.

"Yeah, eh...I like nature too." she said skittishly, and surveyed the area.

"You okay?" Ryan took notice of her demeanor.

Luan gulped. "I'm cool, I just have hay fever-no! I mean...I better set up the food!" she excused herself and rushed away.

"What's her deal?" Ryan cocked an eyebrow when Lynn grabbed his arm.

"Follow me!" the jock pulled him after her and led him to Lincoln and Lucy, who had gathered on the other side of the van.

"What's the emergency now? Do I need to wrangle a bimbo or two?" Ryan asked dryly before growing an eager smirk. "Cuz I saved the rope."

"Keep dreaming." Lincoln replied evenly, not letting him get to him. "I just wanted to remind all of you to stay vigilant. Remember, the whole point of this trip is to assure that dad can hold his meeting with the critic in peace. So we gotta avoid any trip-canceling hiccups."

"Thanks for the oh so important status update." Ryan snarked.

"My point is that we need to keep an eye on them like we planned, to make sure they don't get into any trouble."

Lynn rolled her eyes. "Aren't you being a tad too paranoid? You've seen this place. It's about as boring and hazard-free as it gets."

"We shouldn't underestimate our sisters' capacity for calamity." Lucy pointed out. "They can enroll themselves into any serene, amicable situation and deliver an onslaught of destruction and misery in their wake."

Lynn groaned in annoyance. "Alright, Pasty, I get it. They're huge screw-ups. But there's only so many ways they can screw up."

"Lucy's right, with our sisters one needs to expect the unexpected. But some of them are a lot more troublesome on their own than others." Lincoln pointed out.

"Like Luan." Lynn gladly singled the comedian out. "If she gets another "brilliant idea" to make people laugh, then we're all in some deep shit."

"Speaking of Luan, I think something's up with her." Ryan told them.

"What do you mean?" Lincoln asked.

"I dunno. But something about this place has got her on edge."

"I've noticed that too." Lucy added. "She seemed distressed once Lori revealed where we were heading. I sense that something about this place has conjured up traumatic memories from her past."

"That can't be a good sign." Lincoln mused.

"I dunno." Lynn scoffed. "Luan's scared of this dump for whatever reason? Neat. At least that will keep her in line."

"Lynn, this isn't funny." Lincoln gave her a disapproving look. "If something's troubling Luan then we should be there for her. Find out what's bugging her."

"I'm sure I could get her to open up about it." Ryan shrugged with a smirk.

Lincoln didn't like the idea but saw how it could work. Lynn silently fuming after Ryan's suggestion also didn't go unnoticed by him.

Lincoln didn't know what irked him more. How Ryan was hitting on two of his sisters or how this romance drama could throw a wrench into their teamwork? Lynn going mad with jealousy was a no-brainer, that's how she would usually react to not being the star on her sports teams, so why should a boy ignoring her for her sister be any different?

Though Lincoln was more concerned about how this scenario would more likely end with Ryan cruelly breaking Luan's heart. After all, as far he understood it, Ryan's only had eyes for Lynn ever since they beat the snot out of each other on the playground.

Lincoln doubted Ryan was unaware of the reason behind the hostility between the sisters. Why he would allow it to go on Lincoln didn't understand, however.

But he would have to put a pin on those worries for the moment and hope that Lynn would stay focused.

"That's not a bad thought." he reluctantly admitted. "We all can keep an eye on one person each. Since Luan's taken...eh...a shine to you, you might as well keep her company."

Lincoln felt beyond skeezy for saying that.

"Sweet. I get the fun one." Ryan shrugged. Lynn trembled with anger but before she could object, Lincoln turned to her.

"And I was thinking you could keep watch on Lana."

"What? Why me?"

Lincoln shrugged. "Well, you two are kinda alike so I just thought it would be a natural fit. You might even have some fun hanging out with her, unless you wanna take Lola or Leni-"

"No, I'm good! I'll take the squirt." Lynn cut him off and accepted her task. She couldn't argue with that logic, compared to the others spending time with Lana was downright merciful.

Lincoln smiled. "Okay then, as for the others, I don't think Lori will be a problem if Bobby's there and-"

"Look at these pretty flowers, girls! Uhhh, look? A ladybug!" they heard Leni's voice. "Hey there little fella!"

"That's not a ladybug!" Lola cried.

"OW!"

Lincoln and Lynn cringed while Ryan grew an amused grin.

Lincoln sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Good thing I brought a first aid kit."

"Well, things are off to a great start." Lynn said sardonically.

"We have to avoid things like that." Lincoln continued. "We got the girls into this, so we at least owe it to them to make the day as pleasant as we can."

"Easier said than done." Lynn scoffed. "Half of them are dead set on being as cranky as possible. And I doubt it will long till the next scuffle."

"If we play our cards right we can avoid scuffles. But if we want them to cooperate, then we'll have to rely on persuasion, not force."

Lynn noticed that Lincoln shot her a glance and clenched her fists in irritation. "You're talking about me?" she pointed at herself indignantly.

"Lynn, I'm just saying that we have to avoid things like the incident with Luna and the twins-"

Lynn scowled. "So I made a mistake and tackled Luna, sue me! You boys were none the wiser! At least I didn't give two toddlers a headrush!" she sent Ryan a glare.

"Guilty as charged." he shrugged aloofly. "But I don't think we'll have to worry about such comedic misunderstandings out here."

"That's what I was saying." Lincoln agreed and gestured at the meadow. "Call me naively optimistic if you will but I don't see too many ways that our sisters could screw things up out here."

"One of the twins could run out on the road and get hit by a car." Lucy said morosely.

"And they could get bitten by a venomous snake hiding in the grass." Ryan added offhandedly. "Or run across poison ivy or-"

"Alright, we get it." Lincoln interrupted him. "But you're the outdoors expert, aren't you? So we assume you won't let stuff like that happen?"

"I guess." Ryan shrugged. "But I'm pretty sure most of them won't heave my warnings."

"I wouldn't worry too much about that. Most of them are prissy girls who would freak out over one little mudstain and hate physical exercise. They won't wander off." Lynn pointed out coolly but then frowned with realization. "Except for Lana of course."

"Then you better keep an eagle eye on her." Lincoln concluded, fingers crossed that this escapade would turn out well.


The four found Lori giving Leni an ice pack. Lana and Luan watched her with squeamish expressions while Lola was holding an envelope and tapping her foot impatiently next to them. In spite of the incident, Leni still took the liberty of placing her flowers into the vase.

"Guys, what's going on?" Lincoln feigned ignorance.

Lola scoffed. "The idiot let a bee walk over her face until it stung her."

"I'm sure the little bee didn't mean to." Leni said with a weak smile. "And it was just a little sting." she removed the ice pack, prompting everyone, sans Lucy, to cringe.

Leni's right eye was swollen shut and the skin had turned a sickly purple color.

"Yikes, that's bad." Ryan commented with a satisfied smirk.

"That's nasty. I think I'm gonna hurl." Lana winced.

Leni pouted and flinched fearfully. "It's not that bad? Is it?"

"May-bee." Luan sniggered uneasily. "Oh, that was so inappropriate."

"Leni isn't allergic to bees, is she?" Lucy asked. "If so, she might experience throat and tongue swelling, respiratory failure and low blood pressure which would result in cardiac arrest and death."

"Death?!" Leni squeaked.

Lori rolled her eyes. "Cool down, Leni. You've been stung before and nothing came of it. You're not allergic to bees, none of us are."

"Oh? Right? I remember now." Leni calmed down and laughed. "Thanks, Lori."

Lola groaned and marched upfront. "Okay, now that we know the Cyclops will be fine, can I please go and give my application in peace!" she flaunted the envelope impatiently.

"Yeah sure, Lola." Lori waived at her indifferently. "Just take Lincoln with you."

"What?!" both Lincoln and Lola blurted.

"What for?!" the princess barked petulantly.

"Doy. You're only five, genius. You need an escort." Lori replied flatly.

"No, I don't! I'm not a baby!"

Lori remained unfazed. "Lola, you can either go with him or forget about your pageant. Either works for me." she stated indifferently.

"But I can't be seen with him! Look at his blemish-infested face!" Lola pointed at her brother and then grabbed his sleeve. "Look at the hideous polo shirt he's wearing! He's unpresentable!"

Lincoln scowled but refrained from commenting.

"I wanna make a good impression on Donnie Dufresne! A perfect first impression always lands you in the judge's favor, so I can't take any risks!"

"Why can't you escort me?"

Lori rolled her eyes again. "Because, it would be super embarrassing if Bobby arrived and I wasn't here, and he had to like wait for me to come back, in the presence of my bratty little siblings no less. That would put a humongous dent on our perfect relationship." she said it like it was the most justified and understandable excuse in history.

"Lola, let's just get this over with." Lincoln sighed in resignation. "Guess I have my sheep."

"The sooner you sign yourself up, the sooner I...eh...I mean we'll be free of each other."

"No, I refuse to!" Lola crossed her arms bitterly.

"It's either him or Luan." Lori shrugged. "I'm sure bringing Leni with you wouldn't exactly give a good impression." she casually pointed at her sister's swollen eye.

"Why? Do I have split ends?!" Leni gasped.

"Hey! Don't drag me into this!" Luan protested.

Lola's pupils shrank and a single drop of sweat slid down her face.

"Eh...on second thought, Lincoln's presentable." she said hastily and grabbed his arm.

"At least he doesn't have gross weeds growing out of his head and doesn't wear an eye-gougingly hideous outfit from head to toe! Or braces!" she added with disgust.

"Hey!" Luan turned red with anger but was ignored.

"Come on, Lincoln! I'm not gonna be the last one to sign up!" Lola gave her orders and pulled him away.

"Sure, Lola." Lincoln sighed before glancing at Ryan, Lynn and Lucy, who nodded in his direction.

"Alright, let's set up the food, you lazy bums!" Lori clapped her hands to get everyone's attention.

"And you won't be helping out?" Ryan asked her rhetorically.

"Of course not, twerp. I'll be awaiting my sweetheart!" Lori declared in a haughty tone. "It's the least I can do after canceling our romantic dinner on short notice."

"Fine by me." Ryan replied sincerely. The less he saw of her the better.

"Wait a sec?" something hit Lynn. "Why didn't you suggest me as an escort for Lola? You suggested Lincoln, Luan and Leni but not me?"

Lori responded with a burst of hearty laughter and clutched her sides. "Good one, Lynn!" she continued laughing and walked away.

Lynn watched her go gobsmacked. "What was that all about?!" she threw her arms up.

Ryan was debating with himself if he should answer her question or even respond to it. Lucy didn't have such reservations.

"I dunno, maybe Lori's under the impression that your ill-tempered, abrasive disposition makes you unsuited to guard a toddler. I wouldn't know where she got that idea." the goth commented with thinly-veiled sarcasm.

Lynn caught wind of that and saw the faintest hint of a smirk on her face, which made her blood boil. "What's that supposed to mean, Ghoul Girl?" she asked threateningly.

Lucy ignored her question and excused herself. "Since you two already selected your "sheep", I think I'll keep an eye on Leni."

"Really? You're a brave trooper, kiddo." Ryan told her admiringly.

"Thanks." Lucy didn't know why Ryan had said that but took the compliment anyway and left.

"I can't believe the nerve of these people!" Lynn lamented. Ryan considered whether he should give her a compliment or tell her the truth.

"Don't listen to them." he wrapped his arm around her. "They were talking about a beauty contest, right? Obviously, Blondy was worried that if you tagged along you would upstage the brat."

Lynn blushed and grew as stiff as board. It took her a while to produce a response.

"That's...that's not what... they were thinking...you idiot." the flustered jock retorted.

"Eh, it's what I would have thought in their place." Ryan shrugged coolly.

Lynn blinked, unsure how to respond to that. It didn't help matters that the place they were in was eerily reminiscent of a particular dream of hers.

She tried to compose herself and pushed his arm away. "Let's get to work, Casanova!" she barked irritably as she walked ahead of him.

Smirking, Ryan followed. "I scored one there."


As the others were setting up the table, Lucy and Leni finished setting up a picnic blanket next to it for those who wished for a more traditional picnic. Not like the table had enough room for ten people anyway.

"That's everything. What should we do now, Lucy?" the teen asked eagerly.

"Wait for the others to return, I suppose?" the goth answered monotonously.

"Aww, but that sounds really boring." Leni pouted but then got an idea. "I know! Let's do each other's hair! I'll go first!"

Lucy swallowed. "Eh...I don't think I like that idea."

Leni looked disappointed and confused. "Why not?"

Having overhead them, Lynn smirked evilly and shouted to them. "Hey, Lucy! Remember what my hockey coach always tells me? 'Ya gotta take one for the team'! Just some food for thought!"

"Wow, I didn't know Lynn knew such inspiring words of wisdom." Leni said obviously.

"She usually doesn't..." the goth muttered under her breath.

"So, are you sure you don't want me to do your hair?" Leni asked hopefully.

"Sigh. Okay..." Lucy hung her head. She had a task to fulfill and she couldn't let Lincoln down, and this was the ideal distraction for Leni, unfortunately.

Leni squealed. "Yay! Oh, I know! You're gonna look so cute with braids!"

Lucy's eyes twitched under her bags, but she stayed put.


Meanwhile, Lana opened a sardine can and offered it to Cliff. "Here you go, Cliff. I know you must be starving."

Cliff still seemed on high alert. He tentatively lowered his head to sniff his food when Lana petted his back.

"Good kitty..." the tomboy smiled but then sighed "...if only the others were here."

And he once again felt scared. The thought of Lana turning into a monster again and attacking him wouldn't leave his head. He picked up the can in his jaws and scurried away underneath the table.

Lana looked hurt and didn't understand why he ran off on her. Her only guess was that he was still hurting over the absence of his three companions.

She looked around the meadow again, as if expecting the dog, hamster or canary to suddenly pop up and happily reunite with their family. At least that's what she thought should happen based on the movies she watched.

She didn't see any of them but she did see something else not too far away, a mudhole near the lake, perfect for a dip.

Lana went agape with wonder. It wasn't often that she would get to roll around in the mud at this time of year. Mud required rain, and rain was a rare occurrence during summer.

The sight of the mudhole was downright captivating to the tomboy. Her eyes started swirling, she stretched her arms out and started walking towards it.


"So can we chow now?" Ryan asked lazily, his head resting in his hand at the table.

"Lori said not to touch anything until her "sweetiekins" arrives." Lynn answered, doing the exact same thing.

Ryan turned to Luan. "So, you guys up for bending the rules and try the potato salad?"

Luan looked uncertain. "I dunno, Lori would blow her top."

"That's half the fun." Ryan smirked lazily.

"Well..." Luan considered.

"Can't believe I'm saying this." Lynn grumbled inwardly. "Guys, let's not tick her off this time."

Luan scoffed. "Wow, since when did the big, bad Lynn chicken out on a dare?"

"And since when did you have the backbone to try one?" Lynn snarked.

Luan scowled. "Didn't you volunteer to play with Lana or something?"

"Mud...mud...mud..." Lana suddenly walked past them in a hypnotized trance.

"What's up with her?" Ryan noticed. "Did someone here nab Lizzie's hypno ray without permission?"

"No. Worse." Lynn replied grimly, noticing Lana's intended destination.

"Oh, looks like she's going for her weekly mud pedicure." Luan sent Lynn a smug look. "Not sure how Lori will take to a little muck monster greeting Bobby?" she added in a sing-song voice.

Grumbling under her breath, Lynn gave in. "I'll get her!" the jock jumped to her feet and bolted after her.

Silently pumping her fist, Luan scooted closer to Ryan. "So, you wanted to ask me about something?" she batted her eyelashes at him.

"I did." Ryan responded in a chill tone. "How about we discuss this over some ice cream?"


Her speed increasing the closer she came to it, Lana ran at the mudhole and tried doing a cannonball. "BANZAI!"

"Oh no, you don't!" Lynn grabbed one of her straps mid air and pulled her back.

"Hey! What's the big idea!" Lana cried as Lynn dragged her away.

"You're not going to get mud all over the van or our picnic blanket. Someone's gonna have to clean that up." Lynn scolded her.

"So what? That's mom's job."

"Exactly. And mom deserves some downtime." the jock told her sternly. "And she has more important things to do than bust her ass with laundry 24/7 cuz you literally can't get your mind out of the gutter for one second."

"What do you care? You get dirty all the time!" Lana shot back, pulling herself free.

"Only when I play sports, I don't get dirty for the sake of being dirty. Plus, a bunch of dirt stains aren't the same as coming back home as a little mud monster."

"It's not fair! You can't tell me what to do!" Lana whined.

"Oh, yes I can!" Lynn huffed smugly.

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can!" Lynn folded her arms. "I'm like more than twice your age, Short Stuff. It's simple authority by birth order!"

"Oh, I get it now, Lori." Lana snorted curtly.

Lynn's eye widened and she snapped. "I am not like her!"

"You so are! 'I'm older so I'm the boss'!" Lana did a mock impression of the former. "That's the kinda bossy junk Lori would say."

Lynn fumed, but then recalled Lincoln's instructions. Use persuasion, not violence. Grumbling to herself, the jock gave it a shot.

"Weren't you looking after Cliff?" she asked in a calmer tone.

"I did, but he bailed on me and hid under the table. I dunno why!" Lana lamented.

Lynn looked over her shoulder and noticed their cat's tail and backside poking out from beneath the sheet.

Turning back, she saw Lana make a run for the mudhole and swiftly grabbed her arm.

"Hey! Lemme go!" the tomboy tried to free herself.

Lynn tried a different tactic. "Look, squirt. How about instead of acting like a pig, you try playing ball with your cool big sis?" she pointed at herself with a cocky grin.

Lana stopped fighting and looked at her suspiciously. "Why would I?"

"Because...eh...you and I are kinda alike. We're both hardcore tomboys after all and you're the only sister I have that has enough grit to keep up with me." Lynn improvised an answer, though she soon realized that it didn't sound all that far-fetched.

"As if! You always play mean!" Lana retorted. "I don't wanna get all banged up from your murder balls!"

Lynn grew annoyed but kept her temper in check. "You won't get hurt, Lana. I'll pull back so we're on even playing fields." she reassured her.

"I don't believe you." Lana responded distrustfully. "You always go overboard!"

"Look, squirt! How about this?" Lynn made a proposition. "You give it a try and if you get even one bruise, then I'll...clean your room and feed your pets for a month?"

Lana was reluctant to talk.

Lynn sighed irritably. "And I'll clean Cliff's litter box for a month! That's my final offer!"

"But I like cleaning Cliff's litter box and feeding my slimy and scaly pals." Lana pouted.

Lynn groaned and facepalmed.

"But I do hate cleaning my room." the tomboy shrugged. "So if the deal's that you'll do it for me for two months if you break your promise, then I'm good."

"Ugh, fine..." Lynn rolled her eyes tiredly.


Lana was now standing between two small boulders that Lynn had placed on the grass, simulating a soccer goal. Her sister stood about twelve feet away from her, holding the ball.

"Okay, Lana. Since neither of us has a team the game will be very simple." she explained. "I try to score a goal, and as the goalie, you have to try and prevent that by catching the ball. You got that?"

"I know how soccer works for Pete's sake! I ain't stupid." Lana threw her arms up, looking insulted.

"Just wanted to make sure you were up to speed." Lynn shrugged and placed the ball down.

"Now don't worry. I know my skills and yours aren't in the same league, plus I have tons of experience. So I'll go easy on you." Lynn reassured her in a cocky manner before swinging her foot back.

Then, she swung it forward only to deliver a soft nudged to the ball, making it slowly roll towards Lana until it stopped just a few inches away from her.

Lana frowned. "What are you doing?"

"I'm dialing it back for you, as you wanted." Lynn shrugged. "If I kick it too fast or too hard you won't be able to catch it and it will probably smash your face."

"How am I supposed to catch it like that?" Lana lamented. "And I'm not a snail!"

"Alright, yeesh." Lynn rolled her eyes as she snatched the ball and returned to her position.

She swung her foot back only to once again send the ball slowly rolling towards her little sister. This time it did bump into Lana's shoe.

"C'mon Lana! You're supposed to catch it." Lynn instructed her. "You want me to dial it back more?"

Lana seethed and suddenly delivered a powerful kick to the soccer. Lynn was caught off guard and the ball bounced off her face, causing her to fall on her back.

Lynn grunted in pain and stood up while rubbing her aching cheek and looked at her sister in wide-eyed awe. "Wow...nice kick."

"I told ya I'm not a baby!" Lana shot back, looking proud of her accomplishment.

"I...I see that." a humbled Lynn replied before slowly smiling. "Maybe we should switch roles..."


"You really shouldn't have." Luan humbly thanked Ryan on their way back while licking her ice cream cone.

"Think nothing of it." Ryan replied smoothly before taking another bite out of his cone. "Iths a genthremamths duthty tho pathup phtor thlady." he said with a full mouth before swallowing it whole and shuddering for a second.

"Thanks." Luan blushed but Ryan could still see the anxiety in her eyes.

"Might as well break the ice." he sighed. "Get it?" he added with some levity before getting serious.

Luan sniggered but was likewise confused. "Huh?"

"Luan, I know something's been bothering you ever since we came here, I ain't blind." Ryan told her nonchalantly.

Fear immediately washed over her features and she avoided eye contact. "Nothing's bothering me. Whatever gave you that idea?" she lied, very obviously.

"You're an even worse fibber than Lynn, y'know that?" Ryan said wryly. "C'mon, fess up."

"It's nothing..." she insisted.

"Lu, you can tell me. I won't laugh, I swear." Ryan said sympathetically. He couldn't believe he actually said it. It seemed Luan was the third or even forth Loud sister in a row that got him to act ostensibly nice.

"I really am going soft." Ryan thought and quickly said something to return his bravado. "Is this dump a hangout for some bullies that give you trouble? Cuz I'll be more than happy to pummel them." he proclaimed with unbridled confidence.

Luan shifted awkwardly. "No...it's not that. I mean it is-no! I mean-ugh!" she stuttered, growing more flustered with each sentence.

"Wow, easy there." Ryan told her teasingly. "If it's not bullies, what is it then?"

Luan kept shifting, seemingly debating with herself about opening up.

"It's nothing specific..." her voice trailed off "...but...this place kinda reminds me of someone..."

She seemed hesitant to continue. Ryan studied her but then noticed that she was glancing at the hotel in the distance.

Ryan looked in the same direction. "Is that building bothering her?" he wondered. "Tisdale Towers?" then it hit him. "Dammit! I'm such a dumbass!"

Suddenly it all added up. He turned back to his friend. "And that someone isn't a friend of yours I presume?" he asked rhetorically.

Luan weakly nodded. "I'd rather not dwell on it, if you don't mind..." she said in a feeble voice.

Ryan deflated and thought about it. They seriously didn't need this on top of having to deal with the bimbo squad.

"It's okay. Eh...why don't we get back to the others." he suggested and escorted her back.

"That's what we get for letting Blondy choose the picnic spot." Ryan lamented inwardly while also trying to think of a way to cheer Luan up.

Seeing her lose her sunny disposition and turn all sad and moody just rubbed him the wrong way. It felt unnatural and it pained him to see it.

He, after all, understood her plight better than most of her siblings.

Then he saw something worth poking fun at. "Hey, Luan! Check out Romero and Fury-et over there!" he pointed at the table opposite of Leni and Lucy, where Lori sat and clutched hands with Bobby.

"Oh, that's her boyfriend." Luan explained.

"Heard about him. What was his name again? Booby Santiago?" Ryan asked jokingly.

"You said 'booby'..." Luan covered her mouth snickering.

"Yeah, isn't that a type of bird?" Ryan replied with a shrug. "The one with blue feet?"

"Well, Lori does like to henpeck him a lot." Luan joked and they soon shared a big laugh.

"Good, back to Happy Luan it is!" Ryan felt a bit relieved.


"Oh, Bobby. I'm so sorry it had to be like this." a sparkly-eyed Lori squeezed her boyfriend's hands. "We had everything planned out so perfectly only for an out of touch parent to dump all these nuisances on me because he couldn't handle them himself."

"It's okay, babe. I don't mind a picnic." a likewise sparkly-eyed Bobby meet her gaze. "And that's just what parents do. Mom, tried to get me to bring Ronnie along too. But she ran off and hid at a friend's house, saying something about not wanting to be caught dead with a "lame-o"."

"You sure she didn't mean lame-os? Because I totally sympathize, and envy her." Lori giggled and then sighed.

"I'm not mad at you, babe." Bobby reassured her. " A healthy relationship must endure trials and tribulations. Flourish through better or worse, through joy or despair, in sickness or health."

"Awww, that's literally the most romantic thing I ever heard!" Lori gushed.

"Don't make me barf, guys." a mocking voice chimed in.

Bobby turned around and was met with Ryan's trademark crooked, sleazy grin, prompting the former to scream and duck behind his girlfriend.

Ryan chuckled. "Never gets old."

"Ryan!" the boy saw Lori grow fangs as she jumped to her feet and loomed over him and Luan. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK A WORD TO BOBBY!" she roared at the two, causing Luan to duck behind Ryan in terror.

"Ups? Must have slipped my mind." Ryan replied nonchalantly. "But besides, it's plain rude not to properly introduce yourself to a new face."

"Eh, Lori..." an uneasy Bobby peeked over his girlfriend's shoulder "...wh..who's that kid?"

Lori turned nervous as she faced him and started sweating. "Him?" she chuckled awkwardly. "Oh, don't mind him, sweetiekins! He`s just some hobo Lynn and Lincoln befriended!"

"Again with the repeats." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Freaking zombie amnesia."

"Why, holas amigo!" he greeted the Hispanic teen. "Name's Ryan Taylor. And you must the future Mr. Lara Loud I've heard so much about."

"Huh?" Bobby was now equal amounts scared and confused.

"Hey, Bobby? Remember me?" Luan stepped up to shake hands. Bobby hesitantly returned the gesture only to be shocked by a joy buzzer.

"Luan!" a blushing Lori growled and pushed her back.

"Wut? I just wanted to give this boring party a jolt." Luan snickered only to shrink under Lori's glare and edge closer to Ryan.

"Now, Luan. Maybe we should just give the enamored couple their privacy." Ryan chimed in wryly. "Obviously they were in the middle of...well..." he hugged himself and started making kissing noises, making Lori boil.

To his surprise, Luan gave him a disapproving look and placed her hands on her hips.

"What?" Ryan asked, genuinely confused.

"And what's wrong with a couple expressing their affection for each other Mr. Too-Scared-To-Take-The-Next-Step, hmm?" the comedian scolded him.

Ryan blinked. "Well...eh..."

"Great idea, twerps!" Lori suddenly grew elated. She grabbed and shoved two subs wrapped in tin foil into Ryan's arms and two soda cans into Luan's.

Then she grabbed them both by the shoulder, turned them around and started pushing them away.

"Why don't you find a nice spot by the lake and talk about relationship stuff." she told them in a tone that said 'If you dare object, I'll paint the grass with your blood!'.

Luan actually grinned at the thought and grabbed Ryan's arm. "Alright, no need to be pushy!" she feigned annoyance and dragged him away.

"Cheese Louise, what a busybody." Ryan snarked as he was being pulled away. "We oughta consider gift-wrapping an escape boat for Bobby once the bells start ringing."

"Ryan, there's nothing wrong about a girl wanting to have some privacy with her special someone, y'know." Luan told him sternly as they stopped a good distance away from the table.

"But having the other Blondy give Lucy a makeover right next to them is okay?" Ryan retorted with a smirk. "Ony us chatty "weirdos" count as an invasion of privacy? And last I heard, this was supposed to be a family picnic?"

Luan's stern look faltered. "Maybe..." she continued less confidentially "...but family members can easily embarrass you, especially if you have a date."

Ryan huffed. "Then she shouldn't have brought him here in the first place and kept the canceled date canceled. If I had a special gal, I never would have called her over while stuck with my asshat of a sister."

Luan scowled. What did he mean with "if"?

"Maybe that "special gal" would be willing to deal with it if she really cared about you. As Bobby said, a healthy relationship must endure trials and tribulations..."

Ryan completely missed her prattling, as he was dumbfounded, but also beyond amused, by what he saw next.

"Check that out, Lu!" Ryan exclaimed with a look of mirth. "He's letting her spoon feed him pudding, like a baby?" he laughed and wiped away a tear. "That dude has no cojones."

Luan was taken back. He wasn't paying attention to her? Annoyed, she noisily cleared her throat.

"You say something?" he turned to her with a bemused grin before noticing her annoyed demeanor. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Did you not hear Bobby's lecture about relationships?" she asked him impatiently.

Ryan's response was a giggle fit. "Sure I did! And it was the sappiest crap I've ever heard! Oh man, from what dollar store romance novel did he pick up those lines?"

Luan was left dumbfounded. He wasn't even on the same page as her? How could he be so clueless?

"Look, there's Lynn playing with the squirt. I have something to tell her." Ryan gestured for the comedian to follow him. "She should also hear about the lovebirds." he added with a snicker.

"Grrrr!" Luan clenched her fists and followed.


Playing goalie, Lynn caught one ball sent by Lana after another.

"Not bad, squirt. You've got a strong kick." she complimented her while holding the soccer before giving into her cocky attitude again. "But you've still got a lot to learn if you ever hope to score a goal against a champ like me."

"Again with the bragging." Lana crossed her arms. "And I almost thought we were having fun."

"We are having fun." Lynn countered and walked up to her. "I'm just trying to pass on my knowledge from one generation to another."

"Generations? But we're sisters?" Lana looked confused.

"It's a play on words, squirt." Lynn smirked.

"Don't you mean a figure of speech?" Lana scratched her head.

"My point is!" Lynn continued, irked at being corrected. "I see you've got potential. You've got the grit and we all know you don't mind getting dirty or ruffled up, but you still need to home in your reflexes and coordination."

"So you can do stuff like this." Lynn demonstrated her fancy footwork by bouncing the ball on her foot and knee. "I can keep this up for thirty minutes!"

"Wow, sweet trick." Lana commented, genuinely impressed.

"I'd be impressed too. If she hadn't shown it to me about a dozen times before." came Ryan's ever sarcastic voice. Lana glared at him, as he appeared next to Lynn with Luan.

Lynn didn't remove her eyes from the ball. "When you have mad skills, you gotta wow the world with them, wiseguy!" she shot back boastfully while continuing her performance.

"Eh, if by "mad skills" you mean the skill to get mad quicker than a rodeo bull with hernia, then sure." Luan snarked, looking decidedly unimpressed.

Lynn scoffed. "You're just jealous that I'm good at what I do and you're not, Punsy McGee!"

"She's got you there." Lana said snidely, making Luan seeth.

"Hey, Ryan! Check this out!" Lynn exclaimed as she continued bouncing the ball with one leg while moving past him and Luan.

Grinning wickedly, the comedian pulled out a banana peel from her pocket and dropped it in Lynn's path as she came back.

"WOW!" the jock slipped and landed on her back. The soccer came down and bounced off her face, making Ryan wince while Lana caught it.

"Your act's very appealing, Lynny." Luan snickered mockingly.

Lynn quickly picked up said peel and turned red from rage. "You shouldn't have done that!" she said threateningly.

"Why ya accusin' me, flat-foot? I didn't do nuffin!" Luan held her hands up, doing a gangster accent.

"You're so dead!" Lynn snapped and before she knew it, Luan was grabbed by the shirt and hoisted off the ground.

"How about you give me your sub and I'll repay you with a knuckle sandwich!" the jock yelled before suddenly being grabbed and pulled back by Ryan, causing her to drop Luan. Lana didn't notice the scuffle as she tried replicating Lynn's stunt.

"Lemme go!" Lynn screamed viciously as Ryan held her back.

"Easy, tiger. Let's not put family members into body casts over a prank." Ryan quipped, not relinquishing his powerful grip. The ego-stroking joy of having girls fight over you would sort of lose its appeal if one of them got seriously hurt.

"And we might have bigger problems being here as it is." he added with a whisper.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lynn responded angrily, while a shaken Luan crawled back and rose to her feet. Lana failed to properly bounce the soccer on her knee and it bounced away. She followed.

"I'll tell you if you take a chill pill." Ryan told her, but knew that calming Lynn down from one of her episodes was anything but easy.

"A chill pill?" Luan lamented indignantly. "She tried to maim me over a joke!"

"That wasn't a joke, that was sabotage!" Lynn snarled, with Ryan gripping her arm.

"Girls, why don't we..." Ryan tried to defuse the situation only to be cut off by the honk of a car horn.

The three turned to the source of the sound and gasped in horror as they saw Lana rushing onto the road after the soccer ball, oblivious to the black limo moving towards her.

"LANA!" they shouted at once, catching the attention of the rest of the Loud family.

Luckily, the honk alerted her and she stopped just in the nick of time as the limo slowed down and stopped in front of her.

Ryan, Lynn and Luan sighed in relief, while Lana froze with fear looking at the vehicle, thinking she was in trouble.

The door opened and Luan grew a look of utter terror while Lynn went agape in surprise.

Ryan sighed irritably and nudged the jock. "Get ready for some serious trash talking..."


And we end on a note of faux suspense XD

This chapter took pretty long to finish, as it wound up including a lot of plot lines tying into the kids continuing mission: love triangles, sisters not getting along, Lori and Lola being terrible, Lori and Bobby being sappy, Leni being stupid, a little Lynn and Lana bonding and the parts with the animals, all that good stuff XD

It feels so great to finally have it posted.