Following one awkward limo ride (or at least for the main heroes), the Louds and Ryan were sitting in a circle of Victorian furniture in the middle of a bustling lobby, while Kathleen was away informing the manager of her personal guests. Lynn and Ryan were sitting together on one of the settees, both of them anxious and vigilant. They were in enemy territory, exposed and vulnerable.

Lucy was sitting alone on a chair, as quiet and withdrawn as usual, and holding and petting Cliff. Luan and Leni were sitting on another settee, the former slouching miserably, not having said a word since they had entered the building, looking like she would rather be in detention than anywhere near here, seemingly not even caring that her crush was sitting with her rival.

Leni, who wore a medical patch over her swollen eye, was blissfully admiring the interior and its architecture like a child entering a candy store.

The lobby boasted a 300-feet-high gilded dome that rested on four enormous arches, a cream-and-gold marble mosaic floor, a marvelous chandelier that hung above them, pastel-colored walls with awe-inspiring Renaissance paintings that hung everywhere including behind the reception desk, palms and fuchsia flowers spilling out from marble troughs, and the glass atriums to their left gave a great view of the vast golf course that the eldest Loud sibling was itching to explore and conquer.

"OMG, this place is so beautiful. It's like being in a real life fairy tale castle!" Leni gushed with a whimsical gleam in her eyes.

None of the other guests shared her sentiment, looking more like they were being held hostage in a prison cell and awaiting their captor's return.

"I personally favor interiors with Gothic architecture…" Lucy responded hoarsely, only because no one else spoke up.

"I agree with you there." Luan grumbled bitterly. "A haunted house oughta be more welcoming and consumed by less evil than this hotbed of corrupt corporation…."

"But everything's so shiny, and polished, and like really expensive…" Leni replied absentmindedly, still enthralled with the interior design.

Lynn rolled her eyes. Kathleen had won the first round by easily winning over one airhead, one spoiled brat, one gullible squirt and one brown-nosing freeloader and her spineless boyfriend but the other half of their group, Lincoln included, wasn't so easily swindled by her facade of generosity.

"What's that snobby skank up to?" she whispered to Ryan as they carefully watched Kathleen chatting with the hotel manager. With so many people walking by and talking, it was impossible to hear the two or to try and eavesdrop without hundreds of eyes spotting you.

"Good question. Whatever it is, it probably won't do us any favors to play on her turf." Ryan whispered back, obviously referring to their current location.

"I know, that's what's making me nervous. She's got the home field advantage. Whatever she has in store she could spring it on us any moment. She runs this whole humongous hotel after all; it's like her own personal deadly maze."

"True, but this is still a legit hotel." Ryan countered quietly. "I highly doubt her daddy would allow her to pull some crazy stunt here, it would be bad for business to have hundreds of witnesses see a bunch of kids get maimed at his super-lucrative resort." he mused.

Lynn knew he had a point. However much Kathleen's dad might spoil her, he probably wouldn't take too kindly to her making his five star hotel look like some expensive hidden camera trap to lure and humiliate random civilians. Kathleen was a monster, but she wasn't stupid.

"So what do you think she has planned? Ease us in with a false sense of security and then make her move when we least expect it?"

"Quite possibly." Ryan nodded. "But I'm wondering if she even has a plan?"

"Why wouldn't she? Scheming and plotting is her thing."

"Indeed. But scheming requires time, I oughta know. Kathleen loves to torment Luan, sure, but I doubt she would waste time stalking her. She would have to make something up on the fly….shhh she's coming."

The two tried to act nonchalant as Kathleen came back to them.

"I've arranged everything, guys." She informed them happily. "Every member of the staff will be informed that any person under the name Loud, Taylor or Santiago is free to use all of our facilities, with the bill going directly to me of course."

"How kind of you." Ryan said with thick sarcasm. "Must have been hard for you to squeeze in reservations for ten people on such short notice?"

"Yeah, did you have to kick out some poor suckers for it, but kept their mula anyway?" Lynn asked just as sarcastically.

Kathleen chuckled. "Good one, guys, but not at all. Since my family owns this establishment I'm free to come and go as I please, therefore this place always has a dozen or so slots open for me and my friends. Doesn't put any dents in our income either way." she answered with a chill demeanor.

"Cool. Where do we go first?" Leni asked eagerly. "Is it the spa? Or the boutique? Oh please let it be one of them." She begged like a hyper little child, complete with puppy dog eyes.

"Sneaky minks, using those big, googly eyes to her full advantage…." Ryan observed her grimly.

"Wherever any of you desire. None of you are obliged to use one of the hotel's services at a time as a group." Kathleen explained.

"As guests, not to mention my personal guests, any one of you is allowed to go wherever they please. I understand most of you Louds have very different interests and ideas for recreation. But given how this is your first stay, I took the liberty of finding you some tour guides."

"Stay? You expect us to stay here for the night?" a surly Luan asked suspiciously.

"You mean we can have a sleepover in our own suit?" Leni squealed.

"One for each of you actually, if you wish so." Kathleen shrugged with a smile.

"Yeah, no thanks. I prefer my own mattress." Luan said quickly and curtly.

"Same here, I can only nod off in my own bed." Ryan shrugged.

"I can't sleep without inhaling the raw smell of sweat and flatulence from my bed sheet." Lynn huffed proudly, oblivious to the queasy glances that she soon received.

"I can only rest in my tailor-made coffin."

Kathleen blinked at Lucy's remark but smiled anyway. "Why certainly, there is no place like home." she said understandably. "I'm sure some of you have other commitments or….eh….special requirements."

"Anyways, I was hoping to give you a tour of the place first, but for those of you who are eager to visit your preferred destinations right away, my friends will be more than happy to escort you." The rich girl elaborated before whistling with her fingers.

Immediately, two girls around her age were summoned. One was African-American, the other a blonde. "You've called for our services, Kathleen." They said simultaneously.

"Now, now, girls. No need for the whole girl posse/evil minions shtick." Kathleen chuckled. "I've told you that I'm a changed woman. And as my bestest friends in the world, you two of all people should feel free to talk to me as casually as you want."

"Sorry, Kathy. Heh, I guess old habits die hard." The dark-skinned girl apologized. "You said you had some special visitors?"

"Of course, Jenny. I believe you and Amber are already acquainted with one of them." Kathleen gestured at the comedian.

"Hey, Luan? Long time no see?" the blonde greeted her. Luan shot the two a contemptuous glare.

"Amber…..Jenny…." she muttered wryly. "No longer dressing identically to the big boss, eh?"

Amber giggled, oblivious to Luan's sarcasm. "Thanks for noticing. Kathleen gave us permission to be our own people and do stuff like…think for ourselves after her epiphany. Isn't that amazing!"

Jenny rolled her eyes at her friend's idiocy before noticing Leni. "Yikes, is your eye like…..okay?"

"Oh, it's just a minor bee sting, no need to worry. I don't have hay fever." The blonde laughed.

"Your unbridled enthusiasm is very admirable." Kathleen shot her a finger gun. "The one with the golden hair and the ever sunny disposition is Leni. The others are Lucy, Lynn, Ryan….and….eh?" Kathleen stopped and looked around. "Where's the little cutie in the overalls?"

The group spotted Lana leaning next to a dancing fountain, admiring the crazy water works and sticking her tongue out in hopes of catching one of the droplets.

Lynn stood up and yelled for her. "Lana! Will you haul your butt over here! And don't mess with anything that we're gonna have to pay for later!"

Lana glowered at her. "What's your deal? I just wanted to see how this stuff tastes." She retorted irritably.

"She's right, Lana. That water is chloroformed; it's not fit for consumption." Kathleen told her as she walked over and gently grabbed her hand. "You don't want to get a tummy ache before you can experience the fun house, do you?"

"Oh? Sorry, Kathleen." Lana said sheepishly as she was led back to the group.

Lynn couldn't believe her eyes. Lana obeyed an order, just like that?

"Pffft….she'll listen to her, but not her own big sis? What a load…." Lynn grumbled and slumped down in the settee.

"Might have had something to do with the yelling…." Ryan whispered snidely.

"And this little ball of adorableness is called Lana." Kathleen introduced her.

"Aww…she's so cute." Amber gushed, making Lana fume a bit.

"I'm not that cute, okay!" the tomboy grumbled.

"I know, right?" Leni agreed. "Her twin's coming over too!"

"Really? Aww…double the cuteness!"

"Pfft…dumb blondes gotta stick together." Lynn whispered to Ryan, making him slightly confused.

Annoyed, Lana decided to counter the blondes' claims by performing armpit farts, making them gasp.

"Hah, taught her that trick myself!" Lynn took the opportunity to brag.

"Oh….how…inspiring of you?" Kathleen replied awkwardly.

"Well, I'm ready to test my grip, stance and swing." Lori arrived in her golfing uniform while slipping on her gloves. Acting as her caddie, Bobby followed her while carrying her clubs.

"There you are, Lori." Kathleen smiled before turning to her friends. "And this is Lori, the eldest of the Louds, you already know her companion."

"Hey, I'm the towel guy, remember?" Bobby greeted the hotel's two regular guests.

Kathleen giggled. "Not to be all gossipy but they're an item and its super serious."

"You bet it is." Lori agreed. "My honey bunny is already house hunting for our future children's future home."

Amber and Jenny looked bemused, while Ryan tried not to laugh. The Loud girls didn't have much of a reaction, being used to this kind of talk from Lori.

"An item?" Leni blinked. "Aren't items like inanimate objects and stuff, and not people?"

Ignoring her roommate's stupidity, Lori continued. "Kathleen, I can't thank you enough for your hospitality. I think I speak for all of us here. Both for your generosity and for your desire to end a certain feud of yours."

"Yeah right…." Luan grumbled under her breath. Lori sent her a warning glare.

"I see you're going golfing, huh? Such a marvelous and underappreciated sport, if I do say so myself." Kathleen told Lori, while Lynn silently rolled her eyes.

"Couldn't agree more." Lori responded with thinly-veiled smugness. "Not to sound like a braggart or anything, but I am a bit of a pro at golf. I'm the star player at my high school's varsity golf team. My coach even said how my skills are sure to land me a spot at Fairway University."

"Get out? My dad went there too, and he wants me to follow in his footsteps. A very recommendable collage, which is guaranteed to kick-start a life of success."

"Umm…Lori?" Bobby spoke up. "Can't you get someone else as your caddie? I was kind of hoping to try out the pool-"

"Will you quit yammering, Bobby. I told you that I need someone that I can fully trust in order to keep my head in the game." Lori immediately shut him up. "Besides, it's only eighteen holes then we can move on."

"Just do it, Bobby." Luan spoke up in a sardonic tone. "Better let her putt than have her pout all day."

"Good one, Lu." Ryan shot her a finger gun, making Luan grow a slight smile.

"Umm….excuse me?" Leni raised her hand sheepishly. "I don't want to bother anyone but when can I go shopping, or visit the spa?"

"Why of course." Kathleen slapped her forehead. "How inconsiderate of me to keep my guests waiting, I see that you're someone who values beauty and fashion, something me and my girls can relate to all too well." She chuckled and turned to Amber.

"Indeed, the masseur does miracles with his hands. He's quite a hunk too." Amber squeaked suggestively.

"Amber, how about you escort Leni? You do love a good facial and dip in the jacuzzi?"

"Do I?" Amber squealed did a yay clap with her hands.

"As for the boutique, you girls spare no expense." Kathleen pulled out a gold plated credit card and offered it to Leni.

"Hold on a sec!" Lynn jumped up, surprising everyone, and snatched the card.

"Lynn? What are you doing?" Lori hissed at her as the jock inspected the little plastic rectangle.

"Lynn? Is something the matter?" Kathleen asked innocently. Lynn glared at her with distrust.

"How do we know this thing isn't a dud, and our parents will get a humongous bill in the morning for Leni's shopping spree?"

"Cash cards without the cash? Very underhanded." Ryan sneered and shook his head.

"Lynn, what's your deal? Will you dial back the crazy?" Lori warned her when Luan, feeling encouraged, jumped to her feet as well.

"Lynn's right! That's just the kind of low, dirty trick you would pull." She pointed at the rich girl. "You want my family to end up on the street, do ya?"

"What? Luan, I would never-"

"Luan, will you get a grip on yourself?" Lori hissed at her.

"No, she has a point." Kathleen sighed and hung her head in shame as she retrieved the card from Lynn and placed it back in her purse. "Her suspicions are more than understandable and I wouldn't want to spoil your enjoyment of this resort by giving you reason to doubt my intentions."

"I believe this will be less dubious." She pulled out a big stack of money and handed it over to Leni.

"Wow. That's a lot money." The teen said awestruck. "Kathleen, I can't take this much-"

"Eh….no worries, its mere pocket change for me." Kathleen shrugged coolly.

"Lemme see that!" Luan snatched it from her sister and inspected it. "This has got to be counterfeit? It probably has Benjamin Franklin wearing a fake arrow on his head."

Seething, Lori marched up to her and snatched the stack to take a look herself. "No, it's legit, you nutcase!"

"But, what if she-"

Lori groaned. "We've been over this! You're raving paranoia is not funny, and now you've infected Lynn with it!"

Luan shrank but Lynn did not. "I'm not backing her up! I'm just being cautious cuz I smell something fishy." Her harsh tone made Kathleen shrink.

"Oh, brother…." Lori pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation and muttered "…..I'm stuck with the loon squad."

"Now Lori, I don't take this personally…"Kathleen interjected. "Luan has good reason to be suspicious, and Lynn has the right to be as well, and to support her sister. Perhaps I should confirm my sincerity to them in private?"

"What do you mean in private?" Luan asked suspiciously.

"For the sake of avoiding any unnecessary hostility, I would insist to personally give you a tour of the place, same for Lynn and her friend." Kathleen clarified. "With Lori busy playing golf, and Leni off shopping, I think it would be appropriate for us middleschoolers to partner up. Obviously you three feel the most unwelcome and I wish to explain myself without pestering the rest of your family by dragging them into the all the awkwardness."

"And I volunteered to chaperone the little ones while they enjoy themselves. I always had a soft spot for kids." Jenny gestured at herself.

"Excellent idea. Kathleen's absolutely right." Lori nodded. "I believe it would do you good to have a heart to heart with her alone, your fellow doubter might as well join you." She cast Lynn and Ryan a glare.

"Yeah, Luan. It's best that you two talk things out alone. We don't want to bother you." Leni agreed in a chipper tone. "When can I go shopping?"

"This instant, the boutique is open all day." Kathleen answered her and patted Amber's shoulder. "If you may?"

"Of course, come on, you're gonna love it." Amber took the older girl's hand and led her away.

"Thanks, I love your dress by the way."

"Back at ya, and I love your sandals."

"Aww…thanks!"

"How long can she keep up that ruse?" Ryan watched her go in disbelief. "Pfft…anything for money I guess."

"I think they'll get along nicely." Kathleen smiled knowingly before cupping her mouth and whispering. "Eh….that Leni is not too bright, is she?"

"Heh…you have no idea." Lori snarked, before turning to Luan.

"I'll leave you and Kathleen to patch things up like grownups. So please no freak outs. Believe me, you'll walk out of this building better than when you came in if you just hear her out." She advised her. "Your big sister knows what's best for you."

Luan glared at her but remained quiet.

"And the rest of you, behave yourselves. And don't you try exploiting Kathleen's generosity." She ordered the rest of the kids. "We've been given access to this luxuries resort and the least we can do to repay her kindness is by behaving like civilized people."

"Sure, because you would never exploit someone." Ryan said smarmily. Lori narrowed her eyes but stayed calm.

She huffed. "Of course I wouldn't, because I am a mature and rational adult. I'm merely taking responsibility and guiding Luan into ending her pointless rivalry with Kathleen, and improve both of their lives by helping them become friends."

"Now come on, Bobby." She urged her boyfriend to follow her. "Let the kids have their fun."

"Coming, babe." The Hispanic teen obeyed.

"You guys have a blast. Don't get the yips!" Kathleen waved goodbye and turned to the reminder of the group.

"Now if I'm not mistaken, we have two more guests coming? Lana's twin and your brother?"

"Yeah, Lola and Lincoln." Lynn reluctantly answered. "They came here to sign the little squirt up for some beauty pageant."

"The one hosted by Donnie Dufresne? Almost slipped my mind." The rich girl smiled. "How intriguing? Did you know that I'm well acquainted with him? We go way back, I won a few Little Miss Prim & Perfect pageants when I was little."

"Well that's a shocker." Ryan said snidely and elbowed Lynn.

"Yeah, you oughta meet Lola. She's quite the little prima donna." Lynn smirked, speaking in a tone that was entirely sincere, albeit not for complimentary reasons. "I have a feeling you two would become fast friends."

"What are you talking about?" Lana made a face. "Kathleen's really nice, and Lola's a pompous windbag."

Kathleen gently caressed the tomboy's hair. "Well, any young girl who embraces her feminine virtues and has the courage to face a judgmental crowd and share her unique talent, reveal her intellectual potential and express her opinions and altruistic goals to the world is someone I would gladly want to meet in person."

"That's not all you two have in common…" Luan muttered offhandedly.

"There they are!" Lana suddenly pointed at two people in the crowd.

Lynn and Ryan spotted them before nodding at each other and quickly jumping out of their seats.


"Why did we have to circle all the way back here! My feet are killing me!" Lola whined.

"Well maybe you should reconsider wearing high heels all the time." Lincoln snarked, being completely exasperated having spent two hours listening to her nonstop complaining.

The long line they were sandwiched in-between meant that Lola didn't get to do more than just give her application to the judges before they were forced to move on by other would-be-contestants and their grouchy, out-of-patience parents.

Given how Lola had her heart set on properly introducing herself to Donnie Dufresne, and the guy and the other judges obviously paid her as much mind as they did to any other girl that came to sign herself up, as in utter indifference and boredom, the princess was anything but pleased.

"A proper lady doesn't wear bargain bin sneakers, you crude and tasteless ruffian!" she retorted. "Why did we have to come back anyway if I can't talk to Donnie!"

Lincoln groaned. "I told you already, because our family came here."

Lola spat and crossed her arms. "You expect me to believe that Luan has some rich friend who invited us here? How stupid do you take me for?"

"You don't want an answer to that." The boy thought.

"Kathleen's not Luan's friend, she's her enemy. Whatever's going on, I doubt we'll be sticking here for long."

"Heh, if she can't stand Luan who can blame her?" Lola sneered.

Lincoln scowled. "Now listen here-"

"Lincoln!"

Lynn and Ryan ran up to them. "We have a bit of a situation here." The jock stated anxiously.

"Lynn, what's going on? How did Kathleen find you?"

"I dunno, rotten luck I suppose. But that's not important, we've got an omega level crisis here-"

"Ah, you must be Lincoln?" came a friendly voice. Lincoln was met with an unfamiliar yet rather pretty face who gave him a handshake.

"I'm Kathleen Tisdale, pleasure to make your acquaintance. Love your hair dye; I've always admired bold and radical fashion statements."

"You're Kathleen?" the bemused boy inquired. He had always envisioned the famed alpha bitch as more….evil-looking, for whatever that meant. He had never seen her prior, but the tales Luan and Lynn had recounted to him regarding her certainly weren't favorable ones.

"I certainly am. I know what you must be thinking, me and Luan did not have the best of relationships. Sadly, it is true, but I assume your sisters also told you why you're all here?"

Lincoln blinked before eventually replying. "Eh, yes. You wanted to apologize to Luan?" he studied her, not sure what to make of this. It was defiantly an unexpected turn of event for multiple reasons.

"Who is she and what the heck is she talking about?" Lola raised her voice, utterly confused.

Kathleen smiled at her. "Ah, and you must be little Lola? Aren't you just precious? I'm Kathleen."

Lola titled her head and squinted. "You're the girl that torments Luan at school?"

"Unfortunately so, but that's a thing of the past." The young teen sighed before perking up. "As I'm sure you know, I've invited you all here to make amends."

"Amends?" Lincoln questioned. "Why did you suddenly decide to do that?" he continued carefully. "No offense, but the way Luan's been describing you hasn't been very….flattering."

"None taken, I see you are more involved with Luan's personal life than her sisters. And I assume Lynn is too." Kathleen told the older two siblings, showing nothing if not admiration.

"Lincoln's right. What's with the sudden regret?" Lynn narrowed her eyes.

"A very good question and I will give you your answer, but first I would like to arrange the activities for Lucy and the twins, so we old people can discuss matters in peace." Kathleen told them good-naturedly.

"Excuse me!" Lola started jumping with a raised hand.

"Yes?" Kathleen immediately answered.

"Are you really rich? And you actually own this humongous palace?"

"Yes. And you are all my guests." Kathleen nodded, making the princess grow an eager expression.

"But enough about me." The former chuckled humbly. "I hear you're quite the pageant queen?"

"Of course I am." Lola pointed at herself haughtily. "I'm not even six and I already have several stashes and ribbons under my belt."

"Impressive. A young upstart in the contest of beauty, are we? It's an honor to meet you. I too was a bit a pageant champion when I was little, and it's always a pleasure to meet a kindred spirit."

"You were?" Lola asked, genuinely curious.

"Yes, I've won a few dozen stashes, ribbons and tiaras, three scepters and six Little Miss Prim & Perfect trophies in a row between kindergarten and fifth grade. Nothing all that important." Kathleen said lazily.

Lola turned slack-jawed. Lynn and Lincoln both saw something in that expression they've never seen before in Lola: admiration.

"Six trophies in a row?" the little girl asked in disbelief.

"Sure did, it earned me Donnie Dufresne approval. Speaking of him? Would you like to meet him? Me and him are old friends and we've arranged to have dinner together this evening, would you care to join us? A perfect first impression can land you in the judge's favor, as an old pro such as me should know."

Her expression remaining the same, Lola's pupils dilated and she slowly nodded, too overwhelmed with bliss to form words or to close her mouth.

"Cool. I know he's going to love you. He adores girls with a winning personality." Kathleen patted her back. "Shall we catch up with the others?" she told the group as she led the catatonic princess away.

Lynn's face darkened and she spoke to Lincoln in a grim tone. "Mark this moment, little bro. You just had your first brush with evil incarnate."

"That's Kathleen?" the puzzled boy responded scratching his head.

"Sure is. Only took ya two years to finally meet her, pipsqueak." Ryan quipped wryly before shrugging. "But then again, I am the hero of this tale and you're just a mere supporting character."

"Excuse me?" Lincoln shot him an annoyed glare. "I AM the protagonist of this show. The theme song is all about my life and daily routine-"

"Sure…..whatever wishful denial helps you sleep at night." Ryan snorted.

"Will you two lamebrains knock it off!" Lynn cut them off by smacking them both in the head and grabbed their hands.

"You can break the forth wall some other time, we have an emergency to deal with." The jock barked as she dragged them along.


"What happened to your hair, Lucy?" Lincoln, who was now carrying Cliff, asked the goth as they and Ryan and Lynn walked at the end of the group which was led by Kathleen, who had her arm around a crabby Luan, down a long corridor.

"I took one for the team." Lucy grumbled while shooting Lynn a glare. Lynn seemed to enjoy it.

"You sure did. Way to be a team player." She congratulated her before adopting an amused smirk. "Real pity none of us know how to unweave those braids though."

Lucy's glare didn't falter. "You needn't entertain the pretense that you're not savoring my misery."

"Yes, Lynn. Sarcasm is not your forte." Ryan quipped dryly, earning a glare from the jock. "Let a real pro tell you that."

"Is she alright, she's been like this ever since we left the lobby?" Jenny asked while waving her hand in front of Lola, who was still in her dazed, slack-jawed state and had to be led by her twin.

"Nothing serious, meeting Kathleen apparently just blew her mind." Ryan shrugged before chuckling. "Assuming she ever had one."

"Do you guys think she'll swallow some flies like this?" Lana giggled while pulling Lola by her hand.

"I gotta give Kathleen a little credit." Lynn begrudgingly whispered to her inner circle. "She actually managed to make Lola shut up."

"I always said that there was some good in every person, no matter how bad they seem." Ryan replied, leaking with sarcasm.

"And here we are." Kathleen motioned for Luan and the rest of the group to stop in front of a large gate at the end of the corridor. Faint music could be heard from the other side.

"Is that a funhouse or the entrance to a concentration camp?" Luan asked scathingly, prompting Kathleen to chuckle in amusement.

"Oh, Lu-Lu. Your penchant for black comedy never gets old." She patted the comedian's back, much to her ire.

"Lu-Lu…" Lana still giggled at the nickname.

"That gate sure does look scary and foreboding as hell." A suspicious Lynn remarked with folded arms.

"True, this place used to be the hotel's basement until daddy threw in a little extra money to renovate it. He thought our resort needed a few more facilities to keep the youngest guests entertained and stimulated. I keep telling him that this entrance needs a serious repaint." Kathleen explained before looking at Lola.

"Can someone please snap the little darling back to reality?" she asked politely, gesturing at the princess.

"On it." Lana happily volunteered before sucking on her index finger, coating it in thick saliva and giving her twin a wet willy.

It worked like a charm. Lola screeched through clenched teeth as her long hair jumped up and her eyes nearly popped out of her sockets, before she jerked away from the tomboy.

"What did you do, you disgusting freak!" she screamed furiously before shaking her head and looking around in confusion. "Wait? Where am I?"

"Welcome back, how was your trip to La-La Land, squirt?" Lynn quipped snidely.

"You're in front of Tisdale Towers' very own funhouse, Lola." Kathleen explained to her gently. "I promised you that we would have a dinner date with Donnie Dufresne later, but he's a very busy man so I was hoping that you would enjoy playing with your sisters here until he comes back."

"I get to have dinner with Donnie Dufresne?!" Lola squealed, finally letting the reality of her unbelievable luck sink in.

"Oh, thank you, Kathleen! You're the best!" Lola glomped her around the waist with uninhibited joy. "You're like the big sister I never had!"

The rest watched her dumbfounded, except for Ryan who snickered in amusement and clutched his head.

"Man, I didn't think she would go there, but she did!"

"You do realize we're listening?" Luan asked the princess irritably.

"What?" Lola shot her siblings a petulant glare. "I said she's like "the big sister I never had", which is true.I didn't say that I have no big sisters. Sheesh, some people are SO touchy."

"You've known her for like fifteen minutes, Pinky." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Which is a lot more than I ever wished to know you for, you ugly ogre." Lola replied venomously. "I'm a very good judge of character." She added snottily.

"I'm….eh….flattered, Lola." Kathleen patted her head before the latter released her. "But how about you youngsters go have some real fun? Jenny, if you please?"

She turned to her guest and joked. "Kids, they always favor the people who buy them expensive gifts. Don't worry, they grow out of it. If I can, anyone can."

Her friend pressed a nearby button that opened the gate and they were greeted with loud carnival-esque music and the joyful laughter of hundreds of little children, while bright neon lights nearly blinded them. Cliff meowed and squirmed in Lincoln's grasp.

A dumbfounded Ryan had to whistle in amazement. "Wow."

Luan went agape. "It's like those dreams I always had as a little tyke."

"You can say that again…." A gobsmacked Lincoln agreed.

"We get to play here?" Lola gasped with overwhelming excitement.

"For real?" Lana squeaked and jumped up and down.

"Of course, this wonderland is your playground. " Kathleen nodded.

Lana whooped and made a mad dash for the bouncy castle.

"Thank you Kathleen! Thank you so much!" Lola was the verge of crying. "You're like Santa Clause, only younger, and prettier, and slimmer, and more fashionable!"

"Please, you're making me blush." Kathleen placed her hand on her chest before turning to Lucy. "And do you like it, Lucy? It's pretty neat, isn't it?"

"Why do you ask me?" the goth looked puzzled.

"Don't you want to join them?"

"I'd rather not." Lucy shook her head.

"Are you for real?" Lola scoffed with disbelief. "You don't want to go there?" she pointed at the interior, which could aptly be described as every little kid's wildest dreams come true.

"Gosh, Lucy. Can you stop being a freak for once and enjoy yourself like a normal kid!"

"I would prefer to stay with my family."

"Pffft…..whatever. Be a weirdo goth hag if you want to." Lola laughed before rushing for the house of mirrors.

"Lucy, why wouldn't you want to come with them?" Kathleen asked her, looking concerned.

"I just don't." Lucy responded hoarsely and scooted closer to Lincoln and Ryan.

"But you're missing out a lot."

"Hey! If she doesn't want to, stop pressuring her into it!" an irate Luan was suddenly all up in Kathleen's face.

The latter stepped back. "Wow, chill, Luan. I just thought she would prefer it there."

"Look, guys, if Lucy wants to hang out with us, let her stay." Lincoln agreed with the comedian.

"Yeah, she's in on it." Ryan whispered to the four of them while patting the goth's back.

"Eh, guys?" Lynn grabbed the boys and pulled them closer to her. "Deenewey private talkey. Timeey traveley. Rebmemer ey?" Fuust Pasty ton wonkey."

"Oh, right…" Lincoln realized and looked down at Lucy apologetically.

"Eh…maybe you should go with the twins, Lucy? It could be fun there?"

"Could be?" Kathleen chuckled. "We haven't met one kid who thought anything less of it."

"What?" Lucy looked at her brother shocked. "But….." she lowered her voice to a hushed whisper "…..but what if those kids pick on me?"

Kathleen heard her anyway. "Awww….don't worry about that, sweetie. Jenny won't let that happen."

"Yeah, if someone bothers you I'll make them buzz off in no time, kid." The chaperon assured her.

Lincoln didn't want to trust his little sister with one of Luan's enemies, same for the twins. And it broke his heart having to do this to Lucy, knowing her rather justified fear of mingling with her peers.

"See, Lucy? You'll be okay. We're Kathleen's guests, and at a hotel like this the customer is king." He reluctantly reassured her.

Lucy shifted. "I don't know…"

Lincoln swallowed and whispered into her ear. "And that way, you might get some valuable info from Jenny? Lackeys are always the loose-lipped ones."

Lucy looked at him, contemplating. He had a point, and she promised to do her part in their quest to help their father, though now that quest had become something else entirely.

"Okay…." She mumbled.

"Lucy, you really don't have to if you don't want to." Luan spoke up for her.

"No, I'll go." Lucy reaffirmed. "I want to have some fun. And I don't want to let fear get in the way of it, I'm….I'm just a little nervous."

"Don't be, kid. You'll have a blast here, that's a promise." Jenny reassured her and led her in.

Lincoln and Ryan watched her go with an uneasy feeling, so did Lynn. She might not like Lucy all that much, but she hated having to send one of their own into enemy lines alone.

"Don't worry, guys. The little ones are in good hands." Kathleen told the remaining four before gesturing for them to follow her to the elevator.

"Now, I think I owe you people an explanation." She said as the elevator door opened.

The four exchanged looks, and Ryan patted Luan's shoulder and gave her a reassuring nod, and they and their cat followed their host upstairs.

"This oughta be good…." A deadpan Lynn whispered to her brother.


After dropping Cliff off at the grooming saloon, the kids were once again in an elevator, going up.

Kathleen told them how a month prior she had been forced to play host to the son of an important business partner of her father's at their mansion, while the grownups were discussing more important matters. Kathleen didn't take much of a shine to the boy, but he apparently got the idea that he had a chance with her, prompting Kathleen to brainstorm a devious plan and use her feminine wiles in order to make her enforced date a tad more entertaining.

"You did all of that to him?" Lincoln was at a loss for words.

"Sadly." The rich girl shook her head. "It seemed harmless enough in my head, but I did not foresee some of the consequences."

"Like how wearing a blood sausage necklace would attract the dobermen?" Ryan asked smarmily.

"And you replaced his sunscreen with bleach?" the flabbergasted Lincoln continued.

"And you convinced him that he could skateboard down your 200-foot staircases?" Lynn was agape.

Luan was the only one who didn't seem remotely surprised by Kathleen's tale. If anything, she was impatiently awaiting for her to get to the part about supposedly "changing her ways".

"And now the poor sucker has to endure two months of physical therapy, and ten months of physiological therapy before he can get his life back on track?" Ryan bore an expression that was somewhere intermediate between being shocked and impressed. "Talk about dumping a fella the hard way."

"And how did your weasel your way out that one?" Luan asked with heavy sarcasm.

"Probably bought the judge a brand new sports car and a girlfriend one third his age, am I close?" Ryan quipped.

"Ryan, please. I know you're trying to lighten things up, but I feel nothing but shame for my deed." Kathleen replied morosely as the elevator door opened and they entered the fourth floor.

"So why didn't you get grounded until you're thirty-five?" Lynn asked sharply as the group followed her down the corridor.

Kathleen sighed. "Because daddy took full responsibility for my actions, he said there were no bad children just bad parents." Lincoln and Lynn both flinched at that remark but stayed focused.

"He felt guilty that he had spoiled me to such an extent." Kathleen elaborated as they walked out into a large balcony with a small café filled with people.

"Take a seat." She told her guests as they all tentatively sat down at a table near the decorative stone rails. From their vantage point they saw the vast parking lot down below, where the limo that had brought them here had parked.

"You guys want something?"

"For you to keep talking." Lynn told her curtly.

"Yeah, and who knows what your staff might lace the smoothies with?" Ryan snarked.

"Of course, how inconsiderate of me." Kathleen sighed with resignation. "Your mistrust is harsh but justified."

"Anyway, daddy was naturally furious but he said that simply punishing me would only anger me and thus fuel my misbehavior, so he decided that my punishment should also double as enlightenment."

"Enlightenment?" Lincoln looked confused.

"Yes, I was forced to spend two weeks with a charity organization that focuses on helping the less fortunate. At first I came there kicking, screaming and protesting, and repeatedly telling daddy how much I hated him, but those wonderful people there were beyond patient and understanding and sought to educate me. They helped me gain a new perspective, that I wasn't the center of the universe, that we share this world with billions of other people, most of which don't have it nearly as good as the token few rich brats such as me. After my sentence had ended I came out changed. What I once saw as punishment I realized was actually a second chance for me to atone for my pasts sins. Which is why I wanted to show these wonderful samaritans my gratitude for saving me from myself by not only permanently joining them in their noble cause, but also personally supplying them with funding."

A brief silence ensued before Ryan gave a small, curt titter.

"That sounds too sappy to be true." He said while resting his head in his hand. Kathleen blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"I think what Ryan's trying to say is that this stuff sounds a bit too convenient to be true." Lynn explained with narrowed eyes.

"Thank you!" Luan blurted tiredly. "Finally someone's being rational. This sounds like something she made up on the spot. It's every redemption story cliché in the book!"

"You still don't believe me?" Kathleen looked hurt and sighed.

Lincoln shifted, not knowing how to offer his two cents to this conversation. He felt grossly out of the loop here.

"The road to redemption is a hard one, I understand." Kathleen continued evenly. "But perhaps I can finally prove my sincerity once you guys witness me giving a one hundred thousand dollar check to the kids from the local orphanage, who should be arriving here shortly."

"Orphanage?" the others blurted.

"Yes, they'll be here in less than an hour; daddy says that I must educate myself in the art of philanthropy."

"You're kidding?" Luan made a face.

"Far from it, the event will be broadcast live on television." Kathleen confirmed and pointed at the parking lot. The others got up and peered down to see a camera crew preparing for filming with the center of attention being a woman in yellow sitting in a chair and having several makeup artists tend to her face.

"Katherine Mulligan and her camera crew have already checked in, preparing to film the occasion."

"You mean that asshat of a reporter?" Lynn snorted.

"She is pretty insufferable, can't argue there." Kathleen agreed with good humor. "But you must act professionally when dealing with the media, especially when it's for a greater cause. You can join me when I hand over the check, I know a lot of people would die for a chance to appear on the news-"

"Yeah, no thanks. We commoners prefer to keep a low profile." Lynn snarked.

"I'm dreadfully camera shy, I must admit." Ryan joked, feigning being ashamed. "So is Lincoln, facing a reporter could cause him to have an accident."

"Hey!" the younger boy snapped.

"I understand." Kathleen shrugged. "If that's the case, it would be preferable if you guys find something to preoccupy yourselves with while I deal with business."


"Of course, we also took the liberty of installing some recreational features for older kids." Kathleen explained as she led the group through the hotel's neon-lit arcade which was filled with preteens and young teens, mostly boys. Her group looked decidedly unimpressed, expect for Lincoln.

"By Ace Savvy's cape?" The boy gawked at all the games with wide-eyed awe.

"I hear you're quite a gamer, Lincoln?" Kathleen asked him with a smile. "I knew you would be interested in this place."

"How would you know that?" Luan asked her with a suspicious glare. "By stalking us perhaps?"

"Don't be silly, Luan. You remember how Leni was quite the chatterbox on our ride here." Kathleen replied. "I mean that as a compliment of course, she obviously cares a lot and knows a lot about her family. I really have to get to my interview though, so if any of you wish to stay here and explore-"

"Fat chance." Lynn scoffed while watching some kids playing table soccer. "I prefer playing real games, not stand around like chump and fiddle with a remote."

"And I don't know how to bust the moves." Ryan quipped as they passed by some other kids enjoying a rhythm game.

"I understand. From what I hear you're a huge sports enthusiast?" Kathleen asked the jock.

"What's it to ya?" Lynn scoffed.

"Well, we do have a gym. Or if you're a fan of badminton-"

"No thanks." Lynn raised her hand to silence her. "I only play and work out with my own equipment."

"I see." Kathleen smiled. "But I think your brother might enjoy staying here-"

"Ha! Shows what you know. My brother is over his "gamer faze"." Lynn lied. "He prefers to play real games, with me." She pointed at herself.

"Since when?" Ryan sneered only to receive a quick and painful poke in the ribs.

"Then what's he doing over there?" Kathleen casually pointed to her left, and Lynn saw Lincoln seated within a miniature rocket ship, steering its wheel, his eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

"Ugh…." Seething, Lynn ran after him. "Excuse me, guys!"

"So much for staying focused." Ryan quietly sniggered at Lincoln's expense.

"I think Lincoln will like it here, he looks very enthusiastic." Kathleen noted before turning to the other boy. "What do you enjoy doing, Ryan?"

Ryan smirked, deciding to be somewhat honest. "Not much, I do wrestle wolves from time to time."

Kathleen's brow furrowed.

"Huh?" "Ryan's not a blabber mouth like my sisters, Kathleen." Luan spoke up and smugly edged closer to the boy. "He likes to keep his mystique." She huffed.

"I am pretty mysterious. I've got the right looks for it." Ryan casually agreed, gesturing at his pale complexion.

"And you can't seduce him like you did them by offering him expensive treats; he's firmly on my side and cares deeply about me!"

"Lu, don't put it like that. It sounds uber-mushy." Ryan casually quipped, earning a disapproving glare from Luan.

Ryan grinned awkwardly under her glare. "But I do like you." He quickly added and turned to Kathleen. "She's one of the coolest and most fun chicks I ever met."

"Oh, I see…." Kathleen noted and studied the two. "If I may be so bold, are you two….eh….a thing?"

"None of your beeswax!" Luan snapped. "I have the right for a private life!" She knew that to someone as shallow as Kathleen, a boyfriend like Ryan wasn't a bragging point, but Ryan was the one thing her foe could never take away from her, she firmly believed that.

"Of course, silly me." Kathleen replied sheepishly. "But I really got to go, so I just need to know where you guys will be hanging out after I finally ditch those newshounds-"

"I think me, her, Lynn and the pipsqueak will stay at the pool. There ain't no point in wasting a perfectly good body of crystal clear water on a hot summer day." Ryan spoke up, seizing his chance to get rid of Kathleen.

"Good idea, I'm sure you and Luan will like it there." Kathleen shrugged, carrying a suggestive edge to her voice, much to Luan's displeasure. Having her nemesis be "supportive" of her crush was nothing short of revolting.


"Die! Die! Die!" Lincoln hollered in the rocking rocket as he shot down enemy ships. Numerous other kids were cheering him on, when Lynn pushed them aside like a saloon gate.

"Lincoln, have you lost it! Get out of there!"

He heard Lynn's angry voice from below, but was too immersed in the thrill of the game to pay her much mind. "Yeah, sure! Just a sec, Lynn!" he answered her with rapid speed, his face sweaty. "I'm making a new high score!"

Lynn growled and clenched her fists. She was losing him, she had to act quickly. Securing a tight grip on the rocket, Lynn used all her strength to flip it to its side, throwing her brother out of it.

The gamers gasped as Lincoln hit the floor, hitting his head hard, which semi-jolted him back to reality. "Lynn, what the hell?" he cried while rubbing the back of his head.

"Lincoln! What are you doing, man?" Lynn scolded him and threw her arms up. "You can't play in the enemy's arcade!"

Feeling flustered, Lincoln shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Wut?I wasn't playing….I was just…eh…testing it out."

Lynn grabbed him by his collar and hoisted him up. "You, idiot! She's messing with your brain!"

"She's preying on your weaknesses, just like with Lori, Leni and the twins! She's trying to convert you to the dark side, you must fight it! You can't let her get into your head!" Lynn started shaking him, surrounded by gawking and confused onlookers.

"Alright! Alright!" he yelped. "I'm good, Lynn! Please, just stop!" Lincoln begged as the jock ceased shaking him, but didn't let him go.

"I'm sorry." He rubbed his forehead. "I got carried away."

"What are you idiots gawking at! Piss off!" Ryan arrived and pushed some kids out of the way. They quickly scrammed as he sent them a vicious glare while Luan caught up with him.

"Lynn, what are you doing to him?" Luan questioned the jock.

"She's saving Linky from succumbing to Kathleen's influence." Ryan smirked. "She knew video games would be the little dork's weakness."

Luan gasped. "So that's it?" her face darkened. "She's trying to turn my whole family against me by preying on their deepest, most selfish desires. Golf? Shopping? Pageants? Arcades? Ugh! That no-good, conniving, two-faced, freaking whor-"

"That's her game, huh?" Lynn cut her off, barely containing her own temper. "What a foul move!"

Still in Lynn's clutches, Lincoln tried to put his train of thoughts back on track and focus.

"Lincoln, are you okay? Can you hear us?" Lynn started shaking him again.

"I'm fine, I'm fine…." he reassured her as she pushed himself free.

"You're not fine! You just accepted Kathleen's present like all the other backstabbers!" Luan snapped at him, looking beyond hurt.

"Luan, relax. We aren't backstabbing you. We know what's up." Lynn said curtly.

"Lynn's right. And I'm sorry." Lincoln hung his head. "I think we should get out of here, this place is kinda distracting."

"Getting distracted by video games? Sad, just sad, Lincoln." Ryan snarked. "But you have a point, now that the crafty vixen is preoccupied, we can get our bearings and figure out what to do?"

"Alright, no need to rub it in, maybe we should-" Lincoln stopped as he saw another game that made his jaw drop and he started drooling in his mesmerized trance.

"Is that an Ace Savvy-AH!" Lincoln cried as Lynn pinned him against the wall and started twisting his arm behind his back.

"Fight the influence, Lincoln! You're stronger than this!" Lynn barked at him like an angry coach.

"Okay! Okay!" he squeaked in a high-pitched voice. "I'm good, I'm-"

"I don't believe ya!" Lynn retorted. "The pain continues until it filters out all that brainwashing out of your noggin."

With that she pulled him back and escorted him out of the arcade, still restraining him and twisting his arm. Ryan and Luan followed them.


The four soon arrived at the pool and huddled together at a beach chair under a palm tree. Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan were hoping to find a secluded spot to talk in private about their next move, but seeing Luan as broken up as she was, none of them had the heart to just ditch her, not even Lynn.

"What do we do now?" Lincoln asked, sitting next to Luan on the chair.

Slouching, Luan huffed miserably. "I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of here."

"What? But our home's a long way from here?" Lincoln responded in surprise.

"Yeah, and I seriously doubt Lori will take a break from her precious golf game to drive you." Lynn remarked sitting on a towel cross-legged.

"No, duh." Luan replied bitterly. "But I don't care, I don't mind stretching my legs."

"Luan, I don't think that's the best idea to-"

"Oh, shut up Lincoln." Luan snapped at him, much to everyone's surprise. "Don't you give me some cockamamie pep talk about "facing my problems"! Not after my own family just used me as a ticket to a deluxe hotel!"

Lincoln looked hurt but stayed composed. "I wasn't gonna say that."

"Good. Cuz I'm not gonna listen to a backstabber." She turned away from him.

"Will you give him a break?" Lynn spoke in his defense. "He's only human. Besides, I set him straight before he could follow our sisters down the rabbit hole."

"Yeah, he just gave into temptation." Ryan shrugged, leaning against the palm tree. "If Kathleen had offered Lynn the chance to a join a junior wrestling league or something we would have lost her too."

"I would not!" Lynn retorted indignantly. "No one can mess with my head! I have an iron will!"

"Guys, let's not fight among ourselves now." Lincoln told them before turning to the comedian. "Look, Luan. I'm here with you, I'm I not? I'm sorry for caving in back there, but I'm still with you and believe you about Kathleen. I might not know her but I will trust my own sister's word over some stranger's."

Luan's expression softened and she sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Linky…."

"I'm not mad, sis." He reassured her. "I know this must be hard for you. If Chandler came to us saying he's sorry for picking on me and invited us all to a barbecue I'd be suspicious too."

"Yeah, but our so-called sisters wouldn't pay him any mind cuz he doesn't have Scrooge McDuck's money bin at his disposal." Luan replied morosely.

Lincoln gripped her shoulder. "Luan, I know you're hurt, but trust me; they didn't backstab you, they just got….eh….overwhelmed with this out-of-nowhere deluxe vacation and aren't thinking straight…"

"Yeah right." Ryan scoffed. "They totally backstabbed her in order to mooch of Kathleen. Blondy's done nothing but browbeat her into going along with this while growing dollar signs for eyes."

"Yeah they did." Lynn agreed. "They've spent the last few days making it clear as day that they can't stand her. And they probably would have backstabbed her anyway even without the whole Prankmageddon baggage."

Luan glanced down, her lip trembling as the last remaining shreds of dignity she had left crumbled to dust, while Lincoln groaned in defeat. "Alright, I get it."

"Money talks. That's life for ya, Twinkle Toes." An aloof Ryan added.

"Lincoln, please don't try to sugarcoat it." Luan hung her head. "I'm a big girl, I can face the ugly reality. Life sucks and you can't count of anyone, middle school taught me that."

Lincoln grew a determined look. "But you can count on me, Luan! I'm still here, Lynn's still here, Ryan's still here, and between us, Lucy also said that she doesn't trust Kathleen."

"She doesn't?" Luan blurted, genuinely surprised.

"Of course she doesn't." Ryan told her. "The kid's a sharp one and she has good instincts."

"She ain't stupid, I'll give her that." Lynn begrudgingly agreed.

"Yeah, and we still believe you." Lincoln reaffirmed to his comedic sister. "I would never betray my own family, even if some of them can be pretty insufferable."

"Yup, and I've met plenty of phony baloneys in my day, I'm wise to their tricks." Ryan pointed at himself with a cocky smile. "Takes more than a pearly smile and a zillion deniros to trick this guy."

"Thanks, boys…." Luan smiled, feeling a little better. She glanced at Lynn, unsure what to say. "And you're on my side too?"

"Don't get sentimental, Chuckles." The jock scoffed. "You might be annoying, but ain't gonna backstab my own family. Plus, I can see a bully when I see one and I hate bullies….."

Luan took a beat, trying to wrap her mind around this. "Thanks….eh…I guess?" She couldn't believe that Lynn, the person she had despised the most just this morning, would be the last of her sisters to still stand by her side against her arch-enemy.

"Cool, now that we're all friends again, what do you think Kathleen's up to?" Ryan asked.

"She wants to hurt me, what else? She's trying to turn my whole family against me." Luan answered with tranquil rage. "Home's where the heart is, and she wants to attack it! That would be the ultimate middle finger she could give me."

"Well, you did make it easy for her with your Prankmageddon and all." Lynn noted cheekily, earning a dirty glare.

"Don't you think that's a little over-the-top?" Lincoln asked. "I mean, I know some bullies go the extra mile, but-"

"Oh, it's not. Not for that sadistic cunt at least." Luan crossed her arms angrily. "Seeing me in pain is all the reward she needs."

"He has a point, Lu." Ryan shrugged. "That whole "donating to the orphanage" thing seems to be legit. Plus, she's wasting a lot of money just to make you miserable."

Lynn mused. "Well, if half of that crap she told us is remotely true, she might be doing this just to save her own botox-filled behind. Her big daddy might be pressuring her into it."

"Good point." Ryan shot her a finger gun. "If she really did mess her would-be suitor the way she described it, our little rich bitch might be facing the threat of boarding school and getting cut off from the family fortune if she doesn't shape up pronto."

Luan looked aside, contemplating. "That would motivate her to act nice for more than five minutes. And catering to us could be part of her plan, to tell daddy that she was helping some "poor" family of twelve in their time of need." Her temper flailed up again and she balled her fist. "Ugh! That conniving wench!"

Lincoln patted her shoulder comfortingly as she exhaled with dread. "Great. She played me for a fool again, and by using my own family this time to boot."

"That does suck, but there's nothing we can do about it." Ryan shrugged. "Your sisters aren't gonna listen to a word we say. Not while Kathleen's dangling the luxurious life in front of them. She's got us outmatched in the bribing department."

"True that." Lynn concurred. "We'd sooner break through the Great Wall of China than their thick skulls."

"So, what are we waiting for? Luan's got the right idea." Ryan pointed out. "Let's grab Spooky and ditch this dump."

"What? But we can't just leave the others here." Lincoln argued.

"They made their choice, bro." Lynn told him bluntly. "They chose to be traitors, so I say: screw them."

"I don't condone empathy for the treacherous either." A fifth voice joined the party.

The older kids all jolted as Lucy was suddenly sitting next to Lincoln.

"Lucy? Where did you come from?" Lincoln gasped, clutching his heart.

"The fun house." The goth said simply.

Collecting her nerve, Luan squinted at her. "And what's up with your hair?"

"Sigh. It's a long story." Lucy looked down. "But I've managed to escape from Jenny without her noticing, and I have some intel."

"You did? Wow, you could make a great ninja some day." Ryan quipped. "I should know."

"So? What did ya hear?" Lynn cocked an eyebrow.

"Quite a bit, mostly the same things that Kathleen already told us. But Jenny did say how Kathleen supposedly mangled a boy so bad that her father was enraged and forced her to join a charity organization which made Kathleen experience a revelation, which is why she's doing what she's doing now."

The others exchanged glances.

"Her story aligns with Kathleen's." Lincoln mused. "I've seen a lot of detective dramas, that's usually a sign that the accused is being truthful."

"Yes." Lucy nodded. "Besides, leaving the others to be Kathleen's burden makes our task so much easier."

"What task?" Luan blinked.

"Dad insisted on the family picnic in order to get rid of us because he was meeting up with an important food critic today, and me, Lynn, Lincoln and Ryan were all in on it."

"What?" Lucy questioned as the others glared at her and shrugged. "I assumed she was on our side by default now that we have a mutual enemy in the form of Kathleen."

"Dad wanted to get rid of us?" Luan went agape.

Lynn groaned. "Luan, give the poor a guy some slack. You know he wants to open up his own restaurant and he needs a lot of doe from someone to do it, this could be his big chance."

"Yes, Luan. And you know we and our antics aren't to most peoples' liking, especially to a dour, stuck up critic guy." Lincoln added, hoping the comedian would understand.

Luan contemplated and eventually sighed. Her own antics had made most of her family turn on her, and had caused a rift between her mom and dad. She really had no right to question her father's sneaky tactics, if anything; they were kinda admirable and clever.

"I understand…" she replied simply. "I wouldn't want to have me near someone important either."

A silence followed, as no one knew how to respond to that.

"Don't look down on yourself because of that, Luan." Lucy said hoarsely. "Dad felt equally embarrassed by us all, not just you."

Luan glanced at her with an awkward expression. "Eh….thanks?"

Lynn made an exaggerated groan and stood up. "Look, guys! Let's not waste time wallowing in self-pity. It's summer, we don't have school, let's go and do something fun! Something that doesn't involve Kathleen or our two-faced sisters?"

"She's right, we have no reason to stick around this soulless, corporate craphole of a tourist trap." Ryan joined her side.

Lucy nodded stoically. "I've wanted to do that from the moment we entered. I don't trust Kathleen, being near her makes my skin crawl. Everything about her feels fake, like an illusion conjured up by the darkest of black magic."

Luan smiled with encouragement, she wasn't alone in this. She could walk off on Kathleen with friends backing her up.

"Then what are we waiting for?" she jumped to her feet, all perked up. "Let's all leave a scathing account of our visit in the guestbook and be on our merry way."

"I'm quite good at giving a strongly-worded critique." Ryan joked and glanced at Lincoln. "And are you coming?"

Lincoln stood up and shifted with uncertainty. "I dunno…I…."

"C'mon, Linc. Why wouldn't you?" Lynn glared at him. "What business do you have with those traitors?"

Lincoln glanced at Luan, who pretty much pleaded with her eyes for him to back her up, and he sighed in defeat.

"Sure, guys. I'm going. Let's blow this popsicle stand and show Kathleen that we aren't sheep she can bribe." He smiled at the comedian, much to her relief.

"Ah, there you are." Kathleen's voice suddenly greeted them. "I've lost the paparazzi, I hope you weren't feeling too bored." She told them while they glanced at her disapprovingly.

"Oh, trust me, we weren't." Lynn said snidely.

"Wait, weren't you supposed to be with Jenny and the twins?" Kathleen asked Lucy.

"She decided to hang out with us instead." Lincoln explained when Luan marched up in front of them.

"Kathleen, I've got something to tell you!" she declared with a determined look, but Kathleen got distracted by the sound of a toddler crying.

"Hold that thought." Kathleen told her as she spotted a young guest crying about his frisbee being stuck in a palm tree. Kathleen did a series of front flips and finished it off with a summersault as she snatched the toy from the tree and handed it back to the kid.

Lucy and Lincoln gawked with amazement while Luan glared with contempt as Kathleen patted the grateful kid on the head.

"Show off…" Lynn grumbled and crossed her arms. Ryan drew his breath to comment on her remark but decided not to.

"Sorry about the interruption, but I could not bear to see a small child in distress." Kathleen came back when they all heard cheering and clapping.

"Bravo! Bravisimo! That was like totes incredible!" Leni applauded her. She walked up to them with Amber, both of them wearing matching summer dresses, sunglasses and brim straw hats, and carrying huge shopping bags.

"It was nothing, just cheerleading practice." Kathleen brushed them off humbly.

"You're a cheerleader too?"

"Of course she is, me too. But she's the captain of our squad." Amber told her excitably. Luan started fuming.

"I gotta say, those were some astounding moves." Lori joined them, still in her golfing uniform.

"Yeah, maybe she could tutor you so you'll finally be accepted on our school's squad." Bobby suggested innocently only to receive a painful stomp on the foot from his girlfriend.

"I see most of us have reunited, just in time for a pool party." Kathleen declared while clapping her hands together. "Amber, did you get our guests their swimwear?"

"Sure we did! I picked one for all of us!" Leni beamed and handed one shopping bag to her younger siblings.

Lynn and Lucy both pulled out a one piece of their respective size and the jock grew a deadpan look as she noted how they, and the rest of them, were all bright pink and sparkly.

"Leni? Do I look like someone who wears pink?" Lynn asked sardonically.

"I second that." Lucy agreed.

"Well, no?" Leni answered obliviously. "You look like someone who wears red and white, and you look like someone who wears black and white with black stripes. Or are those sleeves and stockings black with white stripes, I'm confused?" Her train of thought soon wandered off as she was hit with another realization that made her giggle. "OMG, Lucy. Those stripes make you look like a cute, little baby zebra. So adorable!"

"Sigh."

"Listen up!" a frustrated Luan yelled, earning everyone's attention.

"What is it, Luan?" Kathleen asked, looking like she was concerned.

"I'm checking out of here!" the comedian said upfront.

"What? Why?" Kathleen looked surprised.

"Luan, what are you blabbing about now?" Lori interjected curtly. "I thought you and her talked things out?"

"Oh, put a cork in it, Lori! Mind your own business!" Luan snapped at her, catching her off guard.

"As for you, missy! I know what you're up to!" she marched up to their host. "You're fostering us here just to create good PR for yourself after your last screw-up went too far!"

"Luan, what are you talking about?" Kathleen looked hurt. "I told you that-"

"Oh, cut the dramatics, sweetheart." Ryan snarked, joining Luan's side. "You pretty much showed your hand the moment you told us your cute little tale about how you "saw the light"."

"You might have duped those saps, but not us." Lynn concurred while pointing at Leni and Lori, much to their horror.

"What do you mean "duped us"?" Lori growled. "I thought I told you, Luan, to get over your stupid paranoia!"

"Oh, she didn't dupe you, Lori. You just played along for your own benefit." Luan shot back bitterly.

"What's that supposed to me?!"

"Eh…I think I'll go practice my backstroke, catch you guys later." A nervous Bobby excused himself, fearing this situation could turn volatile.

"Why should I explain myself, you wouldn't care anyway!" Luan spat in response.

"Girls, let's not get hostile because of this." Lincoln walked up between her and Lori, talking in a placatory tone. "Luan just wants to leave, and so do some of us." He explained and gestured at the rest of his group.

"Leave? Why on Earth would you want to leave?" Lori made a face, utterly bewildered.

"Because, she's just exploiting us, you idiot!" Luan angrily pointed at their host.

"What did you call me?" Lori snarled.

"An idiot, was that too big of a word for you?" Lynn snarked, feeling very satisfied.

"Luan, I don't understand. What more do you want from me?" Kathleen asked her.

"To get out of my way so I can hightail it out of here." The comedian replied bluntly.

"But….I want to make it up to you. Why won't you believe me?"

"Well, we were discussing giving you a chance." Ryan joked. "But then you exposed yourself as a cheerleader, and any doubt we had went down the drain."

"You said it. Anyone dumb enough to trust a cheerleader wouldn't survive their first week of middle school." Lynn smirked.

Lincoln and Lucy didn't exactly follow their logic but made no argument against it. They weren't familiar with middle school ecosystems after all.

"Guys, I don't understand what's going on? Why are we fighting?" Leni fidgeted, looking scared and confused.

"Good question, Leni. Have you twerps literally gone insane?" Lori marched up to them. "You went even more paranoid than before because she's a cheerleader?!"

"No, I'm being paranoid because I know that she's a lying little piece of shit!" Luan retorted.

Lori gasped and started sweating. "Kathleen, I'm so sorry about this." she told their host hastily. "I hope this doesn't damper our-"

"You can stay with your new BFF for all I care, but can we please just leave?" Luan said curtly.

"Luan, please don't go. This is a huge misunderstanding." Kathleen appeared to be on the verge of begging her.

"Kathleen, I have to tell you something." An out-of-breath Jenny caught up with her, followed by the surly twins. Before she could get a word, Jenny froze upon noticing Lucy among the group. "Eh, never mind. It…..heh….was nothing important." She slowly let out a nervous laugh.

"Way to go awol, you dumb vampire wannabe!" an enraged Lola marched up to the goth. "We had to come all the way back here to look for you!"

"Yeah, what gives, you doofus? We were having so much fun!" a petulant Lana joined her.

"Not your concern." Lucy remained stoic and spoke evenly. "I will stop bothering you in a second."

"What are you rambling about?" Lola demanded.

"She's leaving, with me." Luan leaned down between them. "So back off!"

"Oh, so you twerps talked Lucy into causing trouble too?" Lori scolded the middle siblings.

"They didn't, I left on my own accord." Lucy retorted.

"And because she isn't blind and gullible like some people I could mention." Luan vigorously backed her up, when she felt someone gently grabbing her arm.

"Luan, please don't be so rash. I think you should calm down and let us talk things out."

"Let go of me!" Luan swatted Kathleen's hand way. "I'm not falling for your tricks again! Get it through your thick skull!"

Kathleen looked like she was at the end of her patience. "Luan please, you're being irrational. You're acting like a little child."

"I'm acting like a little child?" Luan huffed and pointed at herself. "As said by the eight grader who throws tantrums over getting a mustard stain on her dress?"

"Luan, that's behind me now. I told you that I've changed."

"This is Katherine Mulligan, reporting to you live from Tisdale Tower's very own community pool." A woman with mocha skin and a yellow suit barged in and shoved a mike into Luan's face.

"Luan Loud? As Royal Woods Junior High's most homely, most ostracized and most undesirable social reject, how does it feel to be allowed to set foot into one of the most luxurious resorts in the Midwest?"

"What?!" Luan blurted. "Where did you hear that?"

"I have sources, kid." The reporter answered in a conceited tone before resuming smiling for the camera. "Now after years of social, physical-"

"Am I on TV!" Lola jumped in front of the camera. "Hello, world, I'm Lola Loud…" she started haughtily "….but you may have heard of me, as the rising beauty pageant champion and-"

"Yeah, yeah, keep moving, kid!" Mulligan carelessly pushed her out of frame before shoving her mike towards Luan again. "As I was saying, how does it feel, after a life time of social, psychological and physical humiliation, to be blessed with the generosity of one of the youngest philanthropists in our country?"

"What?!" Luan was boiling mad.

"Truly this must speak volume of Ms. Tisdale's character, offering her assistance and kindness to a poor soul who previously had no one else to give her support. Do you feel grateful, Ms. Loud?"

Mulligan received her answer when Luan smacked the mike out her hand and it landed in the pool.

Turning red with anger, Luan made a sharp turn towards her host. "You told this to the news?!"

"Luan, please chill out, you don't understand." Kathleen raised her hands defensively.

"You made me out to be your charity case?! You helped me out?!" Luan pointed at herself with fury and disbelief. "And what about you being the main reason for me being an outcast, you backstabbing, lying little-"

Lynn rushed to hold her sister back, her other siblings' gasped at Luan's language while Ryan smirked. Mulligan grew an eager smile and whispered to her cameraman to keep rolling.

"Luan, I did not tell them this, I swear!" Kathleen pleaded.

"LIAR! You made my life miserable and now you have the gall to exploit it and make yourself look like a humanitarian!" Luan was on the verge of having an anxiety attack from the overwhelming rage she felt at this very moment.

"Luan, this is not what I told them." Kathleen replied feebly. "Reporters have a habit of twisting facts and quote mining people-"

"Quote mining?!" Luan struggled in Lynn's grip. "How about you quote me on this!"

Her siblings gasped and some covered their mouths in shock, while Ryan whistled with amazement.

"What do those words even mean?" Lana wondered and Lola gave her a confused shrug.

Kathleen looked horrified while the enraged Luan slowly calmed down, her chest rising up and down as her bravado ebbed away as she noticed how every person in the vicinity was eyeing her like a crazy person. What had she done? She had just made a public fool out of herself.

Lynn, noticing how Luan had ceased struggling and was starting to sob, let her go and Luan bolted away, crying.

"Luan, wait!" Lincoln shouted and ran after her.

Lynn sent Kathleen a contemptuous glare and pushed past her. "I'm out of here!" she stormed away from the scene, following Lincoln.

"I refuse to stay in this cauldron of evil and deceit." Lucy told Kathleen as she followed her siblings. "If I was an exorcist, I would expel your true dark nature to the world, but alas I am not."

"I wanted to believe you, tutz." Ryan snorted at their host. "But….never trust a cheerleader." he snarked and turned towards the camera.

"Hey, camera dude? Get this!" he pointed both of his middle fingers up, causing a chorus of shocked reactions, and Leni even fainted.

"Always wanted to do that on television." Ryan sniggered before running off after his companions.

"What's everyone's deal, that ugo just pointed fingers at us?" an annoyed Lola asked her twin.

"I dunno." Lana shrugged.

Mulligan was handed a spare mike and faced the camera. "There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Today, 13-year old Kathleen Juliette Tisdale, sole heiress to the Tisdale fortune, has demonstrated the start of her new humanitarian endeavors by not only offering a generous donation to our local orphanage, but we have also witnessed her willingness to offer her assistance to anyone in need of help, including unstable, emotionally-scatterbrained basket cases."

"Just for the record!" Lori suddenly grabbed her mike, much to the reporter's visible annoyance. "To anyone who might know me, I have no connection to that crazy girl or her posse of hooligans. Both of us having the last name Loud is pure coincidence. I was just a random onlooker!"

"Give me that, Lori!" Lola's hand shot up from below to grab the mike as well. "It's time for my close-up!"

"Will you brats let go of it!" Mulligan snapped, fighting over the mike with them and glared at the cameraman. "Cut you idiot! Cut!"


Ryan regrouped with the others at a nearby bus station, where Luan was sobbing on a bench and Lincoln and Lucy tried to comfort her.

"Luan, don't cry…please." Lincoln told her feebly. "You're away from her now."

Her eyes puffy, Luan looked up and in the direction of the hotel, which was still visible in the distance. A small part of her, as well as of Lynn and Lincoln, hoped against hope that their sisters would come back after them, but it was over twenty minutes now and there was no sign of them.

It didn't hurt Luan that much, she had expected this. "What does it matter? Not anymore" she muttered.

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked worriedly.

"I blew a fuse on camera." Luan grumbled, burying her face in her hands again. "That was probably her plan. Kathleen played me like a marionette yet again. She's probably gonna broadcast that footage to make me look like some ungrateful monster. She won't even need to do much splicing and editing, I gave her what she wanted. No matter how hard I try, she always gets the better of me."

"Yeah….I guess that's about the size of it." Ryan scratched the back of his neck, earning a few glares for his lack of tact.

"But hey, I did flip the bird on camera before I left, that oughta show them." He shrugged, hoping to cheer her up. It didn't work and Luan continued sniffing quietly.

"Let's just go." Lincoln said morosely. "We have nothing left to do here."

Their task was more or less over as Kathleen had effectively hijacked their job of herding the sisters, plus by now their father's meeting with McCole had to have been over or at least close to being over.

They were successful, but it very much felt like a hollow victory.


This event might have caused a big rift between the siblings, not that they were much of a unit to begin with XD If there's any lesson you can take away from this story is that you can always count on family… or not, depending on the individual family member.

Man, I really do feel sorry for Luan, the way I have been writing her life has been super harsh, she just can never catch a break. And now she has fallen prey to the classic misunderstanding of blowing off your mortal enemy in public, making yourself look like the bad guy, and on camera no less. And most of her siblings have turned their backs on her, thanks in part to the convenient timing of her postponed Prankmageddon. Talk about never living something down.

Next chapter the other will try to comfort Luan, but another antagonist might just show up to give them grief XD