Shout out to DamienGurl666: You bring up a valid point about the fandom, and I mostly agree there, my general opinion of them has unfortunately only grown dimmer over time and continuing so. But you also don't seem to have read anything I've written, as I try to do everything I can think of to make my stories different from conventional LH fics, including an obvious jab at the Loudcest crowd in the last chapter ;) An amateur troll can't pull one over on a master troll, buddy. Sorry.


At the local comic book store, a figure in a trench coat and fedora came in, grabbed the newest issue of Ace Savvy, paid for it and made a hasty exit. Once back on the street, he tucked the comic inside his coat and took a longer route to his home, to make absolutely sure no one saw him and identified him; otherwise they might learn of his secret shame. He, a 61-year old man and head teacher, was a fan of comic books!

Wilbur Huggins was so preoccupied keeping an eye out for anyone watching him that he was startled and jumped in fright as he heard his phone ringing. Clutching his chest and breathing heavily, he grabbed the phone without thinking about checking the number, and rushed towards the nearest alley corner.

"Um, hello? Huggins speaking?" he answered in a whisper, trying his hardest to sound collected.

"Principal Huggins? This is Superintendent Chen."

"Superintendent Chen?" Huggins gulped, a drop of sweat pouring down his forehead. "To what do I owe the honor?" he greeted her while shifting his eyes in all directions, to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

"I called you to speak about your position as principal of Royal Woods Elementary School. It is my solemn duty to inform you that the school committee is seriously questioning if you're qualified enough to uphold that position."

"What?" a startled Huggins couldn't believe his ears. "But you just came for an inspection in May, and you said my principal rating was nothing short of splendid?"

"I was led to believe that you were a model principal, but it has come to our attention that you're regularly indulging in, shall we say, less-than-respectable activities for a man who is entrusted with running an educational facility meant to enlighten our future generation. Don't bother denying it, Huggins. I have very reliable sources."

Huggins started sweating. What was she talking about? Did she know about-oh no! "Superintendent, I demand to know what those accusations are?" was his knee-jerk reaction. "Whatever you've been told, I can assure those claims are-"

"Don't play games with me, Huggins! We both know what you've been up to." she raised her voice, terrifying the elderly principal. "You know how much I abhor being treated like a fool; it makes me prone to firing people on the spot!"

"My apologies, Superintendent, I did not mean to offend you." Huggins whimpered. He wanted to kick himself repeatedly for his impulsive reaction; he had surely sealed his fate now.

"Don't grovel, that's something I loathe even more. Now the board is eager to fire you, but I feel generous enough to vouch for you based on your record, under the condition that you simply confess about your embarrassing actions, as this conversation is being recorded as we speak."

Covered in cold sweat, Huggins trembled and gave into his panic. "I'm so sorry, I know my hobby is unforgivable, but please try to understand. I've been a huge fan of Ace Savvy comics ever since I was a little lad; it helped me cope with depression as an adolescent, and inspired me to keep fighting while I struggled in college! Believe me, I've tried for decades to quit and move on to reading more mature detective stories, like Sherlock Holmes, but the main character is so unlikable, and the stories are overly convoluted and monotonous, plus there are no colorful illustrations to help me fully visualize the author's intent, and the protagonist doesn't have any groovy gadgets to defeat the antagonists. And yes, I admit to still dressing up as the titular hero and reciting his dialogue in my living room! I'm sorry! Oh, so sorry!" Huggins was on the verge of crying when he suddenly heard giggling on the other end of the line.

"Superintendent Chen?" Huggins whimpered in bewilderment.

"That old fart still reads comics in secret?" he heard a young boy laughing.

"Who would have thought the biggest stick-in-the-mud in the universe was a cosplayer!" a young girl laughed, Huggins could have sworn she sounded vaguely familiar.

"What? What is the meaning of this? Who are you?" the enraged man asked.

The girl cleared her throat and deepened her voice. "Huggins, I must regretfully inform you that you've been fired. Your replacement will be a Mrs. Yura Sap!"

Huggins started seeing red and nearly crushed the phone in his grip. "Who is this?! Is this some kind of joke!?"


Three kids were sitting on a bench in Dairyland, which had few attendances at this late hour, though it was still daytime as it was summer.

Ryan and Lucy were listening in with Luan while her phone was on the loudspeaker, the older kids tried not to drop to the ground from their laughter. Even Lucy let out a small titter.

"Luan, you're a diabolical genius!" Ryan hollered.

"It worked on all my ex-teachers! I always dig out some dirt on them with this tactic!" she laughed, clutching her sides.

"You just say…." Luan deepened her voice "'I'm your superior and I know your dirty little secret, so fess up!' And it's hook, line and sinker!"

"WHO IS THIS! I DEMAND TO KNOW! WHO ARE YOU, YOU NO-GOOD HOOLIGANS!"

Ryan picked up the phone and hollered even louder, "Guys, he's still on the phone! He's still on the phone!"

"WHO ARE YOU! LISTEN, YOU LOUSY PUNKS! I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN! YOU HEAR ME! AND WHEN I GET A HOLD OF YOU I'LL GUTT YOU ALIVE! AND CRACK YOUR EMPTY SKULLS OPEN WITH A MALLET! AND THEN I'LL CALL THE COPS ON YOU!"

The kids kept on laughing until Huggins finally hung up. "Oh, man. I did not see this coming." Luan wiped tears from her eyes. "If Linky ever needs a boost in his grades he'll now know exactly how to appeal to the big man's better nature."

"I feel a strange sense of catharsis." Lucy admitted. "Especially after Huggins ruined writing class for me, one of the few joys I had at school." She added sullenly.

Luan was entirely unaware of the full meaning of her claim, but for Ryan it was enough to quell his uncontrollable laughter. "Damn, talk about killing the mood."

"I always adore prank calling him, especially after all the detentions he has handed to me." Luan continued, oblivious to Lucy becoming downbeat again.

"Still no sign of our two missing party members?" Ryan noted while surveying their surroundings.

"I'm sure they're on their way. Uh, I know, let's make another one!" Luan eagerly suggested.

"There's no such thing as too much of a good thing. I'm all for it." Ryan shrugged. "Uh! How about we call that Urkle lookalike, the one who had a nosebleed after seeing Blondy?"

"Clyde?" Luan laughed. "Nah, he's easy prey. I've prank called him a thousand times. He still hasn't figured out it's me."

"Maybe I could try?" Lucy asked, curious to have a go at it.

"You?" Luan looked at her, unsure.

"Yeah, I have little experience with this pastime, so Clyde would be an adequate beginner level?"

"Why not? Let Spooky spread her bat wings." Ryan suggested. Luan smiled approvingly and handed Lucy the phone.

"Aright, knock him dead, Luce!" Luan encouraged her before hastily correcting herself. "Not literally of course, just get a good reaction out of him."

"I'm familiar with figures of speech." Lucy nodded while dialing the number.


Clyde was rocking on a chair in the waiting room next to Dr. Lopez's office, squeezing his comfort plushy; a big, pink elephant.

Howard was sitting next to him, he and Harold had been informed by a police officer that their son was causing traffic in the Louds' neighborhood and they came to pick him up. Unsurprisingly, he was having another panic attack because his best friend had "abandoned" him…..again. The two men were more than used to it, and knew exactly where this would go from here; it had pretty much become a routine. Their main worry was how much this was going to cost them, literally.

"Clyde, are you sure you need to visit Dr. Lopez?" he asked his son gently. "This is your sixth visit this month and we're seriously going over budget."

"I have to…..Lincoln ab….ab-abandoned me." Clyde rambled, reciting the same response for the umpteenth time.

"Clyde, for the last time, I called Lynn and Rita, and they confirmed to me, I repeat, confirmed to me with no uncertainty that Lincoln just went on a picnic with his sisters, he'll be back by the end of the day." Howard explained to him for the umpteenth time, completely exasperated.

"But it wasn't just them; Lori was going to meet up with…him." Clyde said venomously before resuming his whimpering. Oh, why did that Santiago creep have to exist? Why couldn't he just spontaneously disappear? But Bobby wasn't the only person who was giving him an anxiety attack. "And that Ryan guy, he's plotting to replace me as Lincoln's best friend, I just know it! I saw the intent in his eyes. And Lincoln has spent days clinging on to him! And-"

Howard sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose; having heard the same paranoid ramblings three times in a row while driving here, tuning out the rest of it until his son inevitably started hyperventilating and Howard gave him his paper bag, which was always on standby whenever they came to visit Dr. Lopez, which was most of the time.

"Son, I have to go use the bathroom." Howard explained, and upon seeing the immediate panic in Clyde's eyes he sighed and pointed down the hall.

"Don't be scared, you know where I'll be, look, the bathroom door is just five yards away." He recited the same reassurance he had given to Clyde a hundred times before whenever they were here.

Clyde reluctantly nodded and let him go, while still breathing in and out of his bag, until finally calming down. Then his phone rang, he picked it up and spoke, "Eh, yes? Who is it?"

"Hello, Clyde. This is Lucy."

"Lucy who?" Clyde's brow furrowed. Did he know a Lucy?

After a brief silence, he received a semi-frustrated reply. "Lucy Loud, one of Lincoln's sisters."

Clyde was immediately ecstatic. "Oh, right, the science one, of course, I know who you are!"

"Sigh….sure, let's go with that…." Clyde was way too exhilarated to process her response.

"Is Lincoln there? He's longing to reunite with me, right? He's coming back? Or is your dad coming to drive me to the picnic, right?! Don't worry, I can drop everything I'm doing and pack up for the trip immediately!"

After finally being given room to speak, Lucy audibly muttered before speaking in a cold, detached tone. "Clyde, we had an accident."

"What?!" Clyde blurted. Accident?

"Most of us have survived unscathed, some minor injuries aside. But Lori was the driver and took the full brunt of the crash. She's currently in the hospital and in a coma, the doctors aren't sure if she will ever wake up."

Clyde's jaw dropped, his pupils shrank and he froze stiff from utter shock.


"And she had her right leg amputated, as it was beyond repair. I'm sorry, but you deserve to know." Lucy finished, while her sister gawked at her, having a similar reaction to their intended victim.

Even Ryan looked a little unnerved. Lucy sure hadn't pulled back any punches with her dark humor.

"Clyde? Do you hear me?" Lucy spoke up after an extended period of silence on the other end of the line.

"Lucy….that was…." Luan tried to muster up a proper response.

"I don't think that was the right way to go." Ryan finished for her.

"But you guys said you like black comedy? Black comedy is supposed to both make you laugh and make you feel discomfort." Lucy explained. "I was also going easy on him."

"Right….." Ryan pointed his index finger up. "But I think you leaned too heavily on the latter there. Y'see, the thing that makes prank calls fun is hearing your victim's enraged, over-the-top reaction once they've figured out they've been had. Shocked silence is not that." He explained to her before snatching the phone.

"Relax, lame-o, it's just a prank call! Don't start writing eulogies." he said curtly before hanging up. "I'm sure he'll recover." He shrugged.

"Lucy, I…." Luan looked at her unnerved. "I'm no fan of Lori either, but that's a bit extreme, don't you think?"

"Huh? Oh, I don't wish that kind of fate upon Lori." Lucy shook her head. "I just thought it would be an appropriate punch line to trigger Clyde, given his unhealthy fascination with her."

"Oh, that's a relief." Luan sighed and clutched her chest.

"In that case, next time we call him, you'll just tell him that Santiago proposed to Blondy." Ryan advised the goth. "If he's indeed as crazy about her as you gals claim, that oughta make his head explode."

Luan sniggered. "Ryan, don't be ridiculous. That would be way worse for him, and likely make him go catatonic."

"Who's going catatonic?" they heard Lincoln's voice and saw him and Lynn arrive.

"About time you two showed up, yeesh." Ryan made an exaggerated groan. "We had to make a billion prank calls just to kill time."

"Don't blame us, reports take time." Lynn lied, rolling her eyes. "What was that about prank calls?"

"You didn't go overboard with it again, Luan?" Lincoln asked curiously. "We can't afford another investigation from the police."

Luan swallowed and fidgeted with her fingers sheepishly. "Not at all, we just bamboozled a couple of familiar folks." She put on a smile and started counting her fingers. "Old Man Grouse, Flip, that meter made that keeps giving mom tickets, Mrs. Bernardo, Scoots, Christina…"

Lincoln rolled his eyes, having the nagging feeling that the last one was going to bring him grief one way or another.

"…..Principal Huggins and Clyde."

"Clyde?" Lincoln grew unnerved. "You said you would quit bothering him, he tends to takes these calls at face value."

Luan glanced at Ryan, who gave her a subtle nod, encouraging her to fib.

"It was nothing big, Lucy here just recited the ol 'your refrigerator is running' classic."

"Eh…yes. I did that." Lucy lied along.

Lincoln frowned with worry. "Seriously, guys? You shouldn't have done it. That will probably give him crippling paranoia for a weak that his fridge might break down and all their food will go bad, the thought of that gives him night terrors. Plus, he's terrified of mold."

"That's just sad." Ryan shook his head. "I'm no longer even amused by it…it's just sad." Lincoln frowned at him.

"Welcome to our world." Lynn snorted, before noticing Lincoln shifting his glare at her. "What? I wasn't the one prank calling him." She shrugged her shoulders.

"As riveting as your insight into Clint's psyche is…" Ryan remarked snidely "…..we gotta do something here quick, cuz this place will shut down in an hour. We can thank you guys and your tardiness for that."

"Wait, what?" Luan blurted with disappointment. "It's closing in an hour?"

"He's right, I checked." Lynn shared the sentiment. "Damn time sure flies by."

"Aw, man." Lincoln kicked the dirt. "Well, we must agree on which ride to take, right now."

"Milk Shaker it is then." Ryan shrugged.

"I'm down for that." Lynn shot him a finger gun. "You scared, Pasty?" she looked at Lucy.

"You don't know true terror." The goth replied cryptically.

"I'll take that as a 'no'." Lynn shrugged. "And you, Luan?"

Luan gulped. "I…..ah…?"

"We gotta hurry, guys, there might still be a line." Lincoln urged them, feeling like after everything he went through this week, he had earned at least five minutes of fun.

Lynn smirked at the comedian. "It's okay, Lu. If you're scared you can go buy some cotton candy while we take the ride." She shrugged. "There's no shame in being chicken."

"She's being insincere and challenging you." Ryan whispered to Luan, who grew infuriated.

"What? No! I'm not scared." Luan stood up with a determined look. "Bring it on! I probably won't even barf once!" she folded her arms.

"Uhhhh….big talk." Lynn smirked. "Let's see if you're up for it?"

Luan was terrified on the inside, but no way was she going to let Lynn know that. The five departed to find the roller coaster, unaware that Maggie was trailing them from a safe distance.

She stopped and hid behind a 20-foot cow statue and rubbed her chin, though still baring a look of indifference. "The Milk Shaker? Isolating and catching the hostages should be a breeze then."


"Of course, Leni was the wretched imbecile who fed Lana that…ugh!" Lisa ranted inwardly as she walked up the stairs, holding a DVD disk where all the incriminating footage she had collected into one compilation had been downloaded. It proved her theory, which anyone with half a brain could have figured.

"The cretin finds a random container with a foreign liquid and she just assumes it's a soup mug?! Ugh! Of all the scatterbrained…" if she could get any enjoyment out of her soon-to-be self-imposed punishment, it was getting that degenerate punished too! She might have made the damn formula, but Leni was the catalyst for the whole accursed incident. She was just as accountable for nearly ending the world as Lisa was.

Lisa had searched for her parents downstairs, but they were curiously absent. There was no sign of the much-anticipated culinary critic either. Checking the time on her wrist watch, Lisa figured he had left and could only hope his meeting with her father went well. That might make father a tad more merciful when he condemned her to whatever punishment was in store for her. Her inevitable confession that she was also spying on him and the rest of their family, however, would probably cancel out any mercy he might have felt.

Lisa sighed, still plagued by second thoughts. She could still avoid this, but her conscience wouldn't allow it. "I deserve this. I must do it. It's not simply a question of principle or even karma; it's the only way I'll be able to forgive myself." Dejected but determined, Lisa marched on, wanting to face her fate with dignity, if nothing else.

She walked back to her parents' room, and found her father looking through various drawers.

"Where could it be?" the man lamented worriedly, scratching his head.

Growing a huge lump in her throat, Lisa tentatively walked in. "Father, there's something I need to tell you."

"Lisa?" Lynn Sr. looked up in surprise. "You're up?"

"I've been for a while, father. I….didn't want to distract you, given your business meeting."

"Well, that was very considerate of you, sweetie." Lynn Sr. laughed awkwardly.

"So how did it turn out? Did you require the necessary funding for your culinary establishment?" Lisa asked, trying to ease him into the topic that would undoubtedly rile him like nothing before.

Her father grew visibly disconcerted and rube his neck. "Well…..eh…..he didn't say a whole lot. Timothy McCole is a very professional man. He tasted my dishes and said…he….might call me."

"Sounds like the critic was thoroughly unimpressed." Lisa immediately concluded, given her father's nervous response and visible shame. So much for him having any goodwill now that he would have to decide her punishment. Lisa felt sorry for him and figured the least she could do is not press on with any further questions and spare him the indignity.

"Well…..let's hope he does." She smiled weakly before clearing her throat. "Anyway, there's something you and mother need to know-"

"And why did you sleep through most of the day?" Lynn asked quickly, eager to change the topic. "Do you have insomnia?"

"Oh, eh yes! It's merely a little insomnia. Do not be concerned, I'm fairly confident that it's due to some psychological stress I've endured as of late, due to working on several projects at once. I've since realized that I've overworked myself and have decided to take a necessary break by finishing my encyclopedia on aerospace engineering." Lisa explained. "Anyway, where is mother? I've got something to inform you about, both of you. It's very urgent."

"Oh, your mother drove back to her office. She's searching for something that she might have misplaced there." Lynn replied.

"What would that be? You appear to be seeking it too?" Lisa inquired.

"Nothing you should concern yourself about, Lisa." Lynn reassured her, somewhat uneasily. "It's just an envelope containing a small sum of money we need to deposit."

Lisa noted her father's unease, both in his inflections and his expression. "Right….so…when's she going to return?"

"I'm not sure. But whatever's bothering you, you can tell me." Lynn told her. Lisa found herself sweating with anxiety. This was it. She was about to fess up, when Ryan's last words to her echoed back in her head. "Kid, you are, to be quite frank, a menace to society. Any whacko who can whip up a zombie serum at the drop of a dime oughta be locked up and have the keys thrown away."

That had stung her hard, and haunted the back of her mind. Lincoln coldly agreeing with that sentiment even more so, before lashing out at her with pure hatred and disgust. "A loose cannon like you shouldn't be allowed to roam free! We almost lost our family tonight all because of your callous stupidity!"

"Well? What is it, Lisa?" Lynn repeated before growing a concerned expression. "Are you alright?"

Lisa could only stare at him, trying to hide her fright. Just how would he react to finding out the horrible truth? To learn that she had unintentionally poisoned her siblings and created a zombie virus which almost spread tough the entire planet? That wasn't like admitting you were skipping school, or broke a priceless vase. It wasn't like learning your children were indulging themselves in unlawful substances or even participated in a school shooting. It was a billion times worse!

Would her father react with horror and have her sent away? Lisa imagined him recoiling in horror, calling her deranged and bolting away to make a phone call. Lisa suddenly saw a troop of special ops soldiers busting into this house and sedating her. She saw her family watching her being taken away in a cage, showing the same fear, hatred and disgust Lincoln did. She saw herself being locked up in some top secret government facility for national security reasons, being left at the mercy of mad scientist trying to experiment on her to see what makes her tick.

"Lisa?" Lisa was so petrified she hardly heard him. "Lisa what's wrong? What's on that disc?"

"Nothing! Just a biography film about Wernher von Braun." She said hastily and hid it behind her back. "It's not important."

Lynn blinked but seemed to believe her. "And what did you want to tell me?"

"I …accidently destroyed the family picture down in the living room with an experimental plasma gun. It was me, I'm very sorry." She lied.

"Oh." Lynn looked anything but surprised. "Well, be more careful next time. You know how hard it is to get all your sisters to stand still in one place until the camera snaps the picture." The man chuckled, trying to conceal his dread at eventually having to go through hell and back again shooting a replacement.

"Yeah…they're an unruly lot…." Lisa's voice trailed off.

"Well, if that's all, I would like to resume my search." Lynn continued. "Maybe you could lend me a helping hand?"

"Sure. I can assist you." Lisa nodded nervously and started to leave. Lynn was surprised by her immediate acceptance, but secretly smiled. It seemed more of his kids were coming around.

"What are you doing?! You have to tell him!" she froze at the door frame, her heart beating rapidly. "Eh, father?"

"Yes, Lisa?"

Lisa gulped. Maybe he wouldn't react the way she first assumed? But she had to make sure.

"Eh, nothing of great consequence but last night, Lori and Bobby allowed us to view a zombie movie. I didn't care much to join them but was pressured into it by the others' nagging. It was….an interesting watch, but what's your opinion on it?"

Lynn was confused by the odd question. "Well…..I'm not a huge fan of such flicks myself, they cause me-I mean they give kids nightmares. I know you're smart enough to figure out its all fake, but I'll have to consult Lori about letting Lincoln and the little ones watch such content."

"Yeah, I guess." Lisa was shaking. "But what do you think of such a hypothetical scenario? Could you imagine if some brilliant mind actually succeeded in creating a zombie virus and accidentally released it upon the world, as the scientist in the movie did?"

Lynn chuckled. "That's all fiction, sweetie, but if someone actually did that. Phew…. oh boy, I would not want to meet such a loon."

His words stung Lisa hard. "I mean what kind of a whacko would want to create a zombie apocalypse? That's just plain crazy, such people should be put behind bars at the loony bin and never see the light of day again."

Lynn quickly resumed his search. Lisa, meanwhile stared at him blankly, her worst fears pretty much confirmed. Without a single word, she turned her back on him and rushed back to her room, eyes filled with tears.

This was supposed to bring her closure but instead, it made her feel worse than ever before.


Back at Dairyland, the kids had found no line for the roller coaster, but the youngest two of the bunch ran into an entirely different hurdle, one they couldn't overcome.

"What do you mean I can't go?" Lincoln lamented to the guy operating the ride. Lucy, who was standing next to him, had likewise been denied.

"Sorry, kid. You're too young, rules are rules." The teenager shrugged unsympathetically as he pointed at the nearby cow-shaped cutout holding its hand up, which served as a height chart, before taking the tickets from Lynn, Ryan and Luan.

"Oh c'mon, that's not fair. We were all pumped to go on this ride!" Lynn protested and threw her arms up.

The worker rolled his eyes. "Kid, I really don't care." He replied lazily. "Rules are rules. This is the last ride for the day, so you three can hop into the car….or not, same to me."

Lincoln groaned, looking downcast. Luan looked at him sympathetically. "Lincoln, I'm really sorry."

"Sorry, Linc. Some luck." Lynn agreed, still annoyed.

"Whatever." He dismissed her as he looked down. "You guys go ahead; we'll wait for you at that nearby fountain so we can go home."

Without another word he stormed off. Feeling sorry for him, Lucy followed.

"You want to catch another ride while we can?" Lucy asked idly as she caught up with him.

"I don't really feel like it." Lincoln droned. "But do you want to?"

"Not really, I don't really have a strong affinity for theme parks anyway." Lucy admitted. "It's just-"

Lincoln sighed. "Well in that case, let's just get some ice cream; the park will close soon."

"Man, this blows." Lynn complained as she seated herself in the car and grasped the safety bars. Ryan jumped next to her, much to Luan's annoyance who had to sit behind them, looking cross.

"Real shame, but at least this oughta teach him a valuable lesson for not being older." Ryan quipped, earning an unamused glare from his friend.

"I'd clonk you, but that was so painfully unfunny that's it's not worth it." Lynn said dryly.


"A penny for your thoughts?" Lucy asked Lincoln as she climbed up and sat next to him at the edge of a fountain. He was trying to enjoy a cone of ice cream, while Lucy had declined him buying her another one, as she really didn't have her heart set on any more sweets today.

"Sure, go ahead." The downbeat Lincoln shrugged between licks, the cool sensation on his taste buds helped alleviate some of his frustration.

"You seem very irate. I mean it's just a ride, at least that's my perspective." Lucy replied.

"I know, it's just that I've been eager to experience the Milk Shaker for a while after reading about it in a brochure." Lincoln explained dejectedly. "But I had trouble trying to scrape together the money for it, and mom and dad were always too busy when I asked them to drive me, and of course it was pointless trying to ask Lori."

He sighed. "But now I know that all that effort was in vain. That's what sucks the most." Well, maybe not as much as originally. His entire secret stash of cash was obliterated when "the incident" happened; at least now he could store that money somewhere else in case the worst happened.

"I see." Lucy nodded with understanding. "It's always disheartening to find out that all your hard work was for naught."

"Tell me about it." Lincoln droned.

"I'm sorry, Lincoln."

Her brother sighed. "Don't worry about me, Luce. It's no big deal; I'll get my go at it in a year or two." Lincoln dismissed her, not wanting his petty grievances to bleed into his sister.

Lucy understood his intentions, and looked off into the distance. She had him to herself. Maybe this was her chance to question him a bit? "Or maybe not, the others will probably return shortly?" she mused. But perhaps she could gain some insights, which might help in getting Lincoln to open up later. But how was she going to approach it?

"I know, but my sentiment wasn't a single entendre." She replied.

Upon her brother's puzzled looked she continued. "I know what it feels like to be dismissed, excluded and patronized just for being young."

It took a few seconds for Lincoln to grasp what she was getting at, before smiling with understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Can't watch this movie, can't stay awake past your curfew, all that stuff. Grownups are always like that, gotta learn to just deal with it."

That wasn't exactly what Lucy was talking about but it got the ball rolling, so she continued. "Yes, but I don't just mean everyday frivolities. Sigh, Lincoln? Do you ever feel like no one takes you seriously? Like your opinion doesn't matter because you're younger than them?"

"Do I?" Lincoln couldn't help but smile. "I doubt most of our family takes me seriously, including the younger ones."

"You know I value your opinion, and I always seek your wisdom when I'm in need of guidance." Lucy smiled back.

"I'm flattered, Luce. But I'm not wise by any stretch, but I do try my best to be of assistance." Lincoln stated humbly. "And you know I respect you, I know you're pretty smart for a girl your age."

"I know…." Lucy said hoarsely. She considered her next response carefully. She didn't want to come on too strong, but at the same time, she was worried that the others could return at any moment and end this private conversation.

"And would you confine to me if something was troubling you?" she asked, perhaps a bit too pushy.

Lincoln raised an eyebrow at the oddly specific question. "Of course I would. I mean, you're much easier to talks to than most of the girls. I'm pretty sure I told you that before, sis." He wasn't lying there; Lucy was beyond mellow and dulcet when compared to his other sisters, or anyone for that matter, she was anything but judgmental or impulsive.

Lucy felt very touched. "I feel the same way about you. I never thought I could confine with any of them without experiencing scorn or mockery. You remember how most of them reacted when Lynn ousted my secret hobby, expect Lola ironically enough?"

"Well, I see nothing shameful about that. Most young girls like ponies, why should you be an exception? They are just being unreasonable, especially since half of them probably indulged in the same stuff when they were little. Just cuz you like one thing doesn't mean you can't also like another, completely different thing." Lincoln offered a nugget of wisdom.

"But do you think it's shameful to tell others when you're facing problems?"

Lincoln blinked incredulously. What did she mean by that? "No, of course not. If you're dealing with some serious problems you shouldn't face them alone, not when you have friends and family to help you out."

"So, you would tell me the truth if something was troubling you?"

Lincoln was once again puzzled until it hit him. "Lucy, are you still miffed about me not telling you about us…eh conspiring with dad? And not telling you about the "prank" with the letter?"

"Kinda….." Lucy nodded.

"Lucy, I thought I explained it to you. I didn't want you to get entangled in this kind of stuff. The thing with the letter? Well, you know how our sisters can be, and Lynn and Ryan are much better suited for sucking it up and walking off a brutal scrap. I'm just trying to look out for you, so you won't get hurt."

"I know that…." Lucy had to agree. "But why didn't you tell me anything about the real reason behind the picnic? You know I would have helped you."

Lincoln deflated a bit. "I….didn't want to bother you about it….." he countered, less than convincingly.

"But why? Did you think I would be ineffectual, that I could do nothing of benefit?" Lucy argued in an even tone, but Lincoln could detect a hint of frustration underneath it. She slowly pointed at her hair. "I'm still stuck with these horrific braids because I agreed to keep Leni occupied. And I believe I did my task very well, until Kathleen showed up."

Lincoln was at a loss for words, knowing that anything he could say right now would just make him look like a hypocrite, especially after what he had told her mere moments ago. "I never said that…" he answered tentatively. "I just didn't want to put pressure on you. I'm sorry if it made you think that I see of you as useless."

He sounded very sincere, but Lucy knew this was likely only the tip of the iceberg. She knew, more or less, why they had been secretive about the picnic, but she had plenty of other questions bogging her mind and wanted answers.

"Sigh. I want to believe you." She replied in a low voice. "But I don't think you're being honest with me."

Lincoln's brow furrowed. "What? Why would you think that? Do you think I'm lying to you?" He felt his heart wrenching saying that word. He was lying to her, at least to an extent. But how could he not? He couldn't tell her the truth without sounding like he had gone off his rocker. Deep down he knew this was inevitable. Lucy has repeatedly shown suspicion about his odd behavior, and he had repeatedly lied to her or, at best, told her half a truth. Eventually, his lies would catch up to him. She had him where she wanted him.

Lucy saw that her brother was hurt by her accusation, but had to press on. "I would like to think not." She frowned. "But I have reasons for doubt."

"And what would those reasons be?" Lincoln asked. He could imagine quite a few, and seriously doubted he could cover them all up. He really had to think on his feet now, if he hoped to placate her suspicions.

"It's complicated…." Lucy murmured, not knowing where to start. Perhaps with the latest of his suspicious departures?

"Complicated?" Lincoln asked, starting to sweat. "Lucy, c'mon. What gave you the idea that I'm lying to you? And about what?"

"Why did you, Lynn and Ryan suddenly walk off?" Lucy suddenly asked, giving him a serious look. "And don't tell me it was to contact dad, if so why was I left behind. Or Luan for that matter, she also knew."

"Don't lie to me; you think I didn't notice how skittish both you and Lynn were acting?" Lucy nimbly added before Lincoln could draw a breath to respond.

Having his first rebuttal made moot, Lincoln considered his options. Rather quickly though, he realized that the truth would be the way, and he had no reason anymore not to tell her that tidbit.

Feeling a bit better, Lincoln exhaled and tried to smile. "If that's all, I can tell you. But I don't think you really want to hear this kind of stuff." Lucy didn't say anything, but the look in her eyes signaled to Lincoln to keep talking.

"Well, you know about Luan and Lynn fighting over Ryan's affection?" he explained. Lucy looked confused but nodded.

"That's it. I dragged Lynn away, so we could talk about this in private. But Ryan jumped to the wrong conclusion and tagged along, so I had to send him back. I think you understand why I had to fib in front of Luan."

That was it? Nauseating tween romance? Lucy was hard-pressed to believe it, but wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"That's the reason?" she asked in an off-put tone, her brother nodded. "But why did you get involved?"

Lincoln sighed. "That's a very good question. To put it simply, I don't want Luan to get her heart broken. Both of them are smitten with Ryan, but he can only choose one of them in the end. I doubt Luan will take rejection well."

Lucy's face softened. She hadn't dwelled on the implications of that, given her general feelings about romance, but it only made sense. "So, Ryan likes her….or both of them? In that way?" she reluctantly inquired. Lincoln nodded again.

Lucy took a moment to digest that, remembering how her new friend was significantly older than her and would take interest in certain things that she found, for lack of a better term, icky. This was hardly news to her, but now that she got solid confirmation for the blatantly obvious, she couldn't help but feel nauseous.

"Or Lynn?" she suddenly realized. "We all know she can't handle loosing…..well, anything."

"Oh no, Lynn won't be in for any heartbreak." Lincoln reassured her. "Ryan's a sucker for a pretty face, but he has it bad for Lynn in particular. Luan's flirting just messed with his head. And I know the guy, he…..eh…..prefers rough and tumble gals." He explained, growing increasingly queasy.

"But you have a point; Lynn is growing more and more jealous the mores she sees him giving Luan any attention, which is the other reason why I needed to talk to her pronto, to prevent her from maiming Luan in a fit of mindless rage."

"So what did you tell her?"

"I requested that she stops pretending that she doesn't have a crush on him. That way Luan will get the memo and we can stop this animosity between them. Everyone at home pretty much knows about Lynn's crush and I explained to her that there's no point in trying to hide it. And she actually agreed in the end." Lincoln explained before sighing. "Luan will probably still be crushed, but that's better than stringing her along any longer, that will only make things worse."

Once he finished, Lucy took her time to process that. She wasn't thrilled about seeing Ryan and Lynn hook up, ironically for the opposite reasons than her brother. Surely Ryan could do better than Ego McFartpants? But much like how Lincoln had mentally prepared himself for the inevitable, she had been well aware of this for days, so this wasn't a huge shock to her.

"I understand." She said simply before sardonically adding, "I'm sorry I asked."

"It's okay, Lucy. I'm glad you were honest with me." Lincoln smiled, hoping this threw Lucy of the tracks, at least for now. "Trust me, if I'm keeping you in the dark about anything, I only do it because I don't want to put a burden on you, or because it's something that I'm convinced you don't want to learn more about."

"True, I was wrong for doubting you." She sighed in resignation. "Though in the end, those weren't really news for me." She continued with a tad of levity.

She had no reason to doubt his honesty there. It made sense and the reason behind his secrecy was fairly inconsequential, at least for her, and it was something she already knew about anyway. But that hardly answered the mountain of other questions she had. She obviously wouldn't have the time to ask them all, and perhaps she should let it be for now?

"Yeah, our sisters were never masters of subtlety." Lincoln joked. "This is kinda a problem, which is why I had to prevent any more friction from stirring up between them. Their fights are way worse when they get personal. And right now, while dad might be on his way to make his dream come true, a more quiet and stable household can only be a good thing, if only temporarily."

"But if they ventured into his new restaurant, couldn't they demolish it and put it out of business in an instant?" Lucy asked intuitively, naturally looking at it from a pessimistic perspective.

Lincoln cringed inwardly before sighing. "Just another problem to add to the list."

"Good point, I'm gonna have to consult dad on that." The boy concluded.

"I dunno about consultants but I think your daddy's gonna have to find a very good doctor after I'm through with you." Another voice lazily interjected.

Lincoln turned around on instinct, his mind recognizing the voice, but before he could pinpoint it he was met with a face that made him freeze on the spot.

"You?!" he squeaked. Smiling deviously, Lyle wasted no time grabbing Lincoln's arm and sitting next to him casually. Lucy watched him with confusion, before finally recognizing the older boy, some unimportant jerk who liked to jump scare people according to Lynn, but Lincoln's reaction upon seeing him quickly made her reconsider the jock's claim.

"Why Ace Savvy, you recognized me? I'm touched." Lyle quipped maliciously as his grip on Lincoln's arm tightened.

His heart pounding rapidly, Lincoln's first instinct was to yell at Lucy to run, but those hopes were quickly dashed as a few of Lyle's cronies walked up to her, everyone carrying a baseball bat or hockey stick, blocking her escape. Lincoln's blood ran cold seeing them hold those bats. Lucy likewise grew scared, sensing that they were in some deep trouble.

"So, why are two helpless little babies like you two out here all by your lonesome? Where's your big, butch sister to protect you?" Lyle inquired snidely. Lincoln lost his voice entirely.

Lyle chortled. "Hey look at this, guys!" he jumped to his feet, pulling Lincoln up. "The dweeb's scared speechless of me!" He erupted with loud, mocking laughter, and his gang quickly joined in.

"Who wouldn't be if they were in his shoes right now!" one of them exclaimed.

"You seem stressed, dorko?" Lyle feigned concern for Lincoln. "Why don't ya take a refreshing dip?" he suggested before pushing Lincoln into the fountain. His gang hollered once more.

"Lincoln!" Lucy exclaimed and tried to help him, only for Maggie to grab her hand. Her brother resurfaced and gasped for air, only for Lyle to grab his head and push it back under.

"Now, now, there's no rush and the water's great! Take your time to soak in the experience." Lyle chuckled while Lincoln trashed desperately, steadily growing out of oxygen.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, but try not to accidentally drown him. It could get us into trouble." Maggie commented stoically, ignoring Lucy's futile fighting and protesting.

"Don't worry about it." Lyle laughed as he pulled Lincoln up, his face red as he finally took in a huge gulp of air before coughing up water.

"I need the little creep alive." Lyle added, in a more conceited tone.

"What do you want?!" Lucy yelled, earning the bully's attention. Upon getting a good look at her, Lyle, yet again, almost fell to the ground laughing.

"What's with your hair, shrimp? Last time I saw you, you were hiding those "lovely" eyes behind it?" he asked mockingly, his goons quickly providing the backup choir of laughter. "Did you take a trip to Jamaica, mon?"

"Her new hairdo is hideous, but more pathetic than funny." Maggie commented stoically.

"What do you want!" Lucy repeated, raising her voice significantly.

"Lucy…" Lincoln tried to speak in-between coughs. "Please don't-"

"Has he been picking on you?" Lucy asked him with tears in her eyes.

"Picking on him?" Lyle made a curt laugh. "Don't flatter him, Paste Face! I only tried to beat him up once." He hauled the soaked Lincoln out of the fountain, and grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer to his face. "But his brute of a sister and her boyfriend had to come in and spoil my fun!" he told Lincoln indignantly, who quivered with fear.

"Lynn?" Lucy realized.

"Yes." Maggie droned with disinterest. "And to make a long story short, he wants to keep you two as hostages so he can lure them into another fight to get his vengeance, or something."

"So that's why you've been stalking us?" Lucy blurted. Lyle raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know that?" he growled. Maggie rolled her eyes.

"Because the "Grim Reaper" you met was her and the others in disguise." She told him in a manner that strongly indicated that this was far from the first time she had to explain this to him.

Lyle's glare intensified. Marching towards Lucy, he threw Lincoln towards one of his goons. "Hold this for me!" he ordered the other boy, who immediately seized Lincoln and restrained him.

"Lyle, please! Don't hurt her!" Lincoln begged, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.

Lucy gulped as the enraged Lyle was now looming above her, realizing she slipped up. "Oh, so you freaks thought it would be funny to give me a heart attack!" Lyle growled.

"I…I didn't mean to scare you." The goth replied meekly. "We…..we were playing a prank on some of my classmates and didn't know you were there."

"Oh, so you mean to tell me you didn't sic your swarm of bats on me either?" Lyle asked sarcastically before quickly succumbing to his temper. "How stupid do you take me for!" Lucy cowered at his outburst.

"You don't want an answer to that." Maggie thought.

"I didn't do it. We were only visiting my nocturnal friends, and Lynn scared them away." Lucy explained fearfully.

"Oh! So it was the pony-tailed whore then!" her explanation only seemed to make the bully's anger flare up. "And if you freaks didn't know about me why did she do it!" he demanded.

"I don't know." Lucy flinched. "She…..she just said that you were nobody important."

Maggie noticed that her cousin's anger didn't quell one bit, and seeing him jerk one arm back, she quickly let go of Lucy and took a step back. "You should have kept a lid on that, kid." She told the goth with a hint of pity.

Before Lucy could process any of it, she was backhanded by Lyle with such force that she was flung back several feet. Lincoln gasped and the goons winced as Lucy hit the pavement. She let out a feeble moan before going limp.

His chest rising up and down, Lyle's heavy breathing slowed down before he exhaled pleasantly. "Pew, that felt good." He remarked in a more upbeat manner. "Eh….does she still have a pulse, Margaret?"

The emo kneelled down and picked up Lucy's arm. "Hmmm…yeah, she's still with us." She remarked.

"You bastard! She's only seven!" Lincoln cried with outrage, growing teary-eyed. Lyle looked back at him and started sniggering.

"Seriously now?" he pointed at him. "You have any idea how corny that sounded?"

Lincoln's anger kept brewing at Lyle's uncaring attitude, but he realized that he could do nothing to free himself. Both of them were at Lyle's mercy.

Bracing himself, he screamed, "HELP! Someone help-mphf!" he was quickly silenced by the goon clamping his hand over his mouth.

Annoyed, Lyle marched up to him and looked him dead in the eye. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." he warned him. "Unless you want to end up in a body cast, listen up!" he continued sharply, as Lincoln could only look at him and listen in utter fear.

"If you play nice, you and your little witch of a sister might get out of this unscathed. You're just the bait I need to lure a certain happy couple into my trap so me and my boys can teach them some manners, then, we'll be even. You get that?" he said snidely.

Lyle jerked back a bit and hissed in irritation as he scratched the back of his head. Maggie walked up to him while one of his lackeys picked up Lucy's unconscious form.

"Lyle, I really think you should see a doctor about this." Maggie advised him yet again.

"I told you to forget about it!" Lyle snapped at her. As he turned around, Lincoln got a good look at the semi-healed gashes he had been scratching. His eyes widened, shocked and confused by the sight, until he recalled Lynn's account about how her and Ryan's first fight with Lyle and his gang quickly escalated into a three-way fight.

"I'll be fine! You just go and send the happy couple my ultimatum." Lyle gave out his orders.

"As you wish." Maggie nodded. "But they aren't alone, there's another one of his sisters with them." She told him while pointing at Lincoln, who grew even more scared upon witnessing Lyle grow a devious smile.

"Excellent." Lyle clapped his hands. "The more hostages the merrier!"


"What a rip-off! I didn't even feel a single knot in my belly." Ryan lamented while walking towards the fountain, together with a still nauseous Lynn and Luan. They would have been here sooner if the girls hadn't rushed to the bathroom to barf some more and then clean themselves up.

"Is the world spinning or is it just the head on my neck?" Luan asked, still trying to form coherent thoughts.

"Just how the hell did you keep it all in?" Lynn asked the boy incredulously. "Have you eaten anything since yesterday?"

Ryan shrugged. "Please, the ride was about as intense as sledding down a hill, a small hill." Upon Lynn's aggravated glare he started pondering for a more satisfying response, for her. "But then again, I have eaten some pretty nasty stuff while honing in my survival skills back home. My gut's a real trooper." He emphasized by patting said gut.

Lynn grew confused, but after vomiting her entrails out, she quickly decided that she really didn't want Ryan to go into detail about his iron stomach.

"Never mind!" she retorted, still clutching her gut.

Ryan shrugged again. "Well, if you've watched Bear Grylls, you'll know what I'm talking about. Loved that show as a tyke."

"Hey, where are they." Lynn pointed at the fountain they had passed earlier, noting the absence of her younger siblings.

"Maybe they wanna play a game of hide and seek?" a still dizzy Luan suggested. It was already sunset and the light was growing dim, but there was clearly no one else at the fountain. As they looked around they saw no one else in the vicinity.

"No…." Lynn narrowed her eyes, feeling a sense of unease. "Something's fishy."

"Or maybe they are planning a jump scare." Ryan jokingly suggested. "Spooky's quite good at those."

"No, you numbskull. Something's not right." Lynn insisted and made a bee line for the fountain.

Ryan watched her go and surveyed the area one more time. It did seem very un-Lincoln-like to try and scare his sisters by mysteriously disappearing.

"Oh, shit." He thought with dread. "It's been such a long day, and now we gotta go on a rescue mission?"

"C'mon, Lu, let's track down the little jokesters." He gestured for the comedian to follow him. As he dashed after the jock, the slightly disoriented Luan shook her head, trying to stop it from spinning.

She too realized that it was strange for Lincoln to do something like this. Growing concerned, she tried to follow Ryan, when suddenly; a hand was clamped over her mouth.

"Mphph!" she panicked as she was grabbed from behind and pulled into a thicket of trees and bushes.

"Lynn do you see any sign of them?" Ryan asked his friend once he caught up with her.

Lynn looked around, staying composed, but her face betrayed her worry. "I don't see them anywhere. Ryan, I think something's wrong."

"Take it easy, I'm sure they just went to a store or something." Ryan suggested, unfortunately, he had a strong hunch that he was wrong. "What do you think, Luan?"

No response. "Luan?" Ryan turned around only to find her gone. His face dropped. "Luan, this seriously isn't funny." He said uneasily.

"What the-where is she?" a startled Lynn blurted, her gaze darting everywhere. The comedian had vanished without a trace.

"Kay, I'm starting to get creeped out." Ryan admitted as he turned back to her.

"What's going on?" Lynn lamented worriedly. "Is this some kind of-"

"I can shed some light on your confusion." They heard a familiar monotonous voice.

"Maggie!" Lynn hissed upon seeing the emo, and took up a fighting stance.

"You." Ryan addressed his soon-to-be classmate before sneering with disdain. "I assume you know about the whereabouts of one dork, one goth and one jester?"

"Yes, I come to you with a message from my cousin." She simply nodded. "As you can guess-" "

How dare you! Where are they!" Lynn grabbed her by her shirt and lifted her off the ground, and slammed her back into the fountain. Maggie's long hair was dipped into the water as she came face to face with one seriously pissed off Lynn. "I said, where are they! What have you assholes done with them!" she demanded while repeatedly lifting and slamming Maggie against the stone construction.

"I would tell you-ugh!" Maggie responded between grunts "….if you'll-ugh! Let me talk….ugh!"

Snarling, Lynn grabbed her hair and forced Maggie's head deeper into the pool. "Start singing before we learn how well you can breathe under water!" she barked before feeling Ryan's hand grasp her shoulder.

"Easy, Lynn." He told her evenly before glowering at Maggie. "Lemme guess, Lyle's using them as bait to get vengeance on us?"

"Yes." Maggie replied with a tone of indifference. "I can see that you're the brains of the bunch."

Turning absolutely livid, Lynn pushed Maggie's head under, holding her down as bubbles escaped from the thrashing emo's mouth.

"Wow. Calm down, Lynn!" Ryan exclaimed while trying to pull her back. "She won't be able to tell us anything if you drown her!"

Grunting in frustration, Lynn pulled Maggie up and threw her against the pavement.

Her drenched hair blinding her, Maggie sat up and coughed up water. "You have anger issues." She said hoarsely.

"You haven't seen me angry!" Lynn snapped. "Now talk!"

"What?" Maggie asked while pushing her hair out of her eyes, her mascara dripping down her face.

"Don't play games! Talk!" Lynn repeated, balling her fist under Maggie's chin.

"What sleigh flame walk?" Maggie asked in confusion only to be hoisted up by her shirt. "Talk before I wring your neck!" Lynn yelled into the emo's face.

"Ring my back? Wut?" Maggie responded before picking both of her ears, and water spilled out of them.

Ryan sniggered. "You have a lot to learn about interrogating people, Lynn." he remarked snidely.

"Shut your trap!" Lynn lashed out at him before turning back to Maggie and pulled her closer. "One last chance, Morgan, before I crack your skull open! Where are they!"

Maggie's eyelids dropped in exasperation. "I was about to tell you before you water-boarded me." She replied dryly.


Woozy, Lucy slowly cracked her eyes open, not knowing where she was. The first thing she noticed was her cheek aching, then how her body felt like it was squeezed in a tight space as she tried moving her arms but they were pressed tightly against her body. Once she adjusted her vision, she saw (and smelled) heaps of garbage and heard the buzzing of flies.

"Mphph." She uttered and realized that she had tape over her mouth. She immediately heard more muffled cries like hers and felt other bodies squirming against her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw that she was tied to Luan and a still drenched Lincoln, both of them gagged as well, all sitting in the middle of a junkyard.

"Morning, sunshine!" she heard a familiar voice and snapped her head back to find Lyle kneeling down to her and giving her a greasy smile. "Sorry I got a little rough with you back there." He offered his mock-apology while giving her a hard pat on the head that made her wince.

"Mphph!" she cried.

"Gmphp! Mpghph!" Lincoln angrily protested, prompting Lyle to snicker and stand up.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Lyle cupped his ear. Lucy saw the rest of his gang leaning against or sitting on a rusty old car without tires, sniggering and making mocking remarks.

"Don't look at me like that." Lyle joked as he walked over and kicked some dust into Lincoln's eyes, making him cringe. The goons snickered and pointed at Lincoln.

"It's not my fault your retard of a sister doesn't know her place." Lyle spat before smirking. "Though, you pretty much made yourself a bullseye for bullies by prancing around in a cape and long underwear!"

"What a loser!"

"Makes giving him a wedgie a whole lot easier though!"

Trying to ignore the mocking comments, and the stinging in his eyes, Lincoln glowered at Lyle with teary eyes. Lyle ignored him and checked his wristwatch.

"Ugh! Where is that idiot!" he complained. "Mom's gonna ground me if I don't get back home by nine!"

"I can lead myself in-ugh!"

Hearing his cousin's voice, Lyle looked back at the junkyard's entrance and spotted her, drenched and being held by the collar of her shirt and manhandled, by Lynn! Ryan casually walked after her, his hands in his pockets.

Lyle narrowed his eyes, a fire burning inside his belly at the sight of the two. Lynn saw him, and had the same reaction as they walked closer to him and she pushed Maggie towards him. She landed at his feet and groaned miserably.

Ignoring her, Lyle locked eyes with Lynn. "Well, well, look at what the cat dragged in?" he grinned maliciously, tapping his fingers together.

"Ah…..Lyle?" Ryan threw his head back in a bored tone. "You still exist?"

Lyle quickly lost his vigor. Ryan's comment made his blood boil. "Grrrr! Don't mock me!"

Lynn eyed her sibling, before glaring daggers at Lyle again. "You piece of dog shit! Let them go or-!"

"Or what?" Her show of anger made Lyle gleefully chipper again and he chuckled mockingly. "You're in no position to make demands, girly. This is my turf!"

Ryan sniggered and shrugged. "Well, if you say you belong in the trash then who are we to argue?"

And Lyle was back to being pissed again. "Why you-"

"Pee-yew." Ryan swatted the air while taking a good look at their surroundings. "Couldn't you have picked a flower field for the showdown? This place reeks!"

"Will you focus, you idiot!" Lynn snapped at him.

"Chill, I'm one step ahead." Ryan whispered and winked to her, before focusing back on their opponent.

"Say, Lyle? Last time we saw you, didn't you have hair more like the pipsqueak's?" he asked mockingly while pointing at the bound Lincoln, who glared at him and grunted incomprehensibly.

"I'm not the best at hair dying, I admit." Maggie said as she got up and dusted herself, much to Lyle's irritation.

"Margaret, shut up!"

"And did you tie them up with a skipping rope?" Ryan giggled, pointing at the captives again. "Bad call, dude. That really hurts your credibility as a villain."

Lyle was absolutely livid now, and growled while gritting his teeth. "Oh, a smartass, are we?!"

"Well…" Ryan pretended to think "….I am an ass, but also pretty smart."

"Enough!" Lyle snapped. "You two assholes have made a fool out of me for the last time! Now I'm gonna beat some sense into the both you! BOYS!" he yelled and snapped his fingers.

Soon, Lynn and Ryan were being surrounded by boys wielding bats and hockey sticks. Bracing herself, Lynn put on a brave face and took up a fighting stance. Ryan, however, surprised and temporarily stunned their enemies with confusion by erupting with laughter.

Lincoln, Lucy and Luan gawked at him like he had gone mad, and Lyle made a face of utter confusion.

"Oh, how pitiful." Ryan mocked him. "Mohawk Moron is such a widdle pussy that he has to sic a bunch of thugs on us while we're unarmed and outnumbered because he's terrified of facing me alone!"

"I am not scared of you!" Lyle lashed out.

"Your "trap" speaks to the contrary." Ryan casually gestured at the goons.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" Lynn hissed before glowering at him. "And what do you mean 'scared of you'?"

"Just calling a pathetic coward for what he is, a pathetic coward." Ryan shrugged and yawned. "Sure, he can handle a girl, but he's clearly pissing his pants at the thought of taking me on."

If they weren't currently in a volatile predicament, Lynn would have torn him apart for that comment. But then she realized what Ryan was trying to do, but why?

"Well, if you have to hide behind an army of lackeys, fine by me. Me and Lynn can take them on while you sit back and give them "moral support"."

Lyle growled, ready to erupt. Maggie looked at him with concern. "Lyle, don't fall for this. He's baiting you-"

Lyle pushed her to the ground and walked up to the cornered pair. "I could kick your ass any day, you lying jackass!"

"Then how come we've whooped your heinie twice this week." Ryan countered with a cocky smirk. Lyle seethed, barely holding himself back from strangling Ryan to death.

"Of course, if you're itching for another rematch and want to put your money where your mouth is at the same time…" Ryan suggested lazily "…..how about you and me duke it out alone? If I win, you let us go. If you win, you can do to us whatever you want, your captives too."

"Mpmphppp!" Lincoln, Lucy and Luan let out muffled cries of protest.

"Chill, guys. I've got everything under control." Ryan cockily reassured them.

"You wanna bet double or nothing?" the enraged Lyle raised an eyebrow.

"Exactly! If I win, me, Lynn and our lovely damsels in distress are free to go. And you leave us be for good." Ryan smirked. "So what do you say? Man to man?"

Shaking with rage, Lyle considered, apparently having second thoughts.

Ryan's smirk widened. "That is, if you're man enough?"

"GRRRRRR!" a crazed Lyle ripped his shirt apart.

"What?" Ryan snarked. "Is showing off your unimpressive physique supposed to be a "yes" or a "no"?

Lyle spat into his hand and offered a shake. "You're on, ugly! I'm gonna make you eat those words!"

"Spit shake, eh?" Ryan smiled. "You know you can't break our deal after that?"

"He's right, boss. Breaking that sacred oath is plain heresy." One of the goons pointed out. "You sure you don't want us to clobber them instead?"

"Shut up, Moe! I'm as sure as I've ever been!" Lyle ranted before turning back to his challenger.

"I won't be breaking anything but your bones!" Lyle's eyes became bloodshot from the growing arteries. "You're going down, Taylor! I will relish punching that stupid smirk off your smug face!"

Ryan was more than pleased, and spat into his own palm to seal the deal. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Lynn looked at him worried, unsure if Ryan took too big of a gamble, while Maggie silently facepalmed to herself.


The kids were now in front of a big, rusty shipping container, which had slid out of whatever mountain of trash it was initially buried beneath before it collapsed, and was now in a shallow pit of mud, which surrounded it everywhere.

"So what are the rules?" Lyle asked Ryan viciously.

"Quite simple, but how about you put on a shirt first." Ryan quipped.

"I'll put on a shirt when I feel like it! Answer me!"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "There's only one rule. We fight up there, and whoever falls off first loses. You get all that? Do I need to repeat?"

Lyle snarled, his blood boiling. "You won't be joking when I'm done with you. Let's go!" He was about to climb on fist, when Maggie stopped him.

"Lyle, you really should reconsider this, he's obviously-"

"Will you piss off!" Lyle swatted her arm away. "You've served your purpose, now I don't need you!" he told her curtly and climbed on top. Maggie sighed exasperatedly.

"I feel ya, the sensible ones always get ignored." Ryan told the emo, on a more personal level than she realized.

"Whatever. Why do I even try?" Maggie droned, and did as her cousin asked. "I can't bear to watch." She said while walking past the group, including the three captive Louds, who kept squirming and letting out muffled cries.

Lynn saw them watching her with pleading eyes. She felt compelled to attack the goons and free them herself, but she was outnumbered six to one, and they were all yielding a weapon, sports equipment. Lynn felt revolted seeing those beautiful things being used for evil!

"I hope you know what you're doing?" Lynn told her friend.

"I do, that dipshit is way in over his head." Ryan smirked confidently.

"Focus, Ryan. One wrong step and he could knock you into the mud hole, and then we're all finished." Lynn warned him.

"Not to worry. This won't take a minute." Ryan reassured her and handed her his cap. "Keep this safe, I don't want it getting dirty." He said coolly before climbing up.

Lyle giggled gleefully while punching his palm as his opponent took his position. "I hope you like mud baths!"

"You really do have nothing but dust and cobwebs inside that noggin of yours?" Ryan replied wryly. "You wanted to lure me into a trap and I turned the tables on you with no in one fell swoop."

"What are you blabbing about?!" Lyle growled while his goons below chanted for them to fight. Lynn watched Ryan with worry.

"Enough talk!" Lyle roared and swung the first punch. Ryan easily dodged it and moved out of the way, causing Lyle to nearly loose balance and fall over. Snarling, he made a sharp turn and aimed to uppercut Ryan, but he once again evaded it.

"Weak, I've seen sloths with faster reflexes than you." Ryan taunted him, infuriating the bully further. Lyle swung another punch, only for Ryan to jump out of the way and for Lyle to slam his fist into the steel.

He jumped up and yelped in pain, allowing Ryan to seize him by the shoulder and kick him in his chest, sending him flying for several feet before falling on his back.

"Down for the count already?" Ryan quipped, but Lyle jumped back to his feet with remarkable speed.

"Far from it!" he roared and swung his fist. Ryan caught it, and gave Lyle a right hook. Lyle took the blow in strides and gave the former a left hook.

"You call that a punch!" Ryan brushed off his bloody nose, and struck Lyle in the gut and then clonked him in the head again.

Furious, Lyle aimed to return the favor but Ryan dodged his fist again, and punched Lyle in the chest, causing him on fall on his back yet again. This time, Ryan didn't joke around and drove his elbow into his opponent's gut, causing him to gasp.

"Go, Ryan! That's the way to do it!" Lynn whooped and cheered.

Before he could recover, Lyle was thrown over Ryan's shoulders. "Sayonara!" Ryan exclaimed as he threw him over the edge but remarkably, Lyle managed to grab on and hauled himself up, much to Ryan's surprise.

He lifted himself on his hands, breathing heavily. He sent his opponent a death glare.

Ryan laughed. "It's not too late to quit." Lyle's eyes turned even more bloodshot with unbridled rage.

Lynn gasped at what came next, with the speed of lighting, Ryan had Lyle's fist slammed deep into his cheek. Immediately after, he was struck in the gut, followed by a powerful uppercut.

Ryan found himself flying back from the impact and fall on the edge of the container. Roaring like a maniac, Lyle pounced on top of him, but Ryan managed to catch both of his flying fists and pressed his foot into his opponent's gut to keep him at bay.

Ryan spat out a tooth and gave Lyle a bloody grin. "Weeeeell, someone's finally fighting back!"

One head-butt later, Lyle was sent stumbling back, clutching his aching melon. Ryan rose up slowly and cracked his neck as Lyle glared at him again, now at his breaking point.

"You can still turn tail and run." Ryan suggested casually.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" a crazed Lyle charged at him like a freight train.

"Some folk just never learn." Ryan said in a grim tone before nonchalantly lifting one leg up, causing his foot to collide with Lyle's nards.

Lyle's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and he let out a high-pitched squeak and grabbed his nether regions, while Ryan politely moved out of the way as the near-immobilized Lyle stumbled towards the edge, clenching his teeth in fear as he was starting to lose balance.

Ryan breathed in and blew at Lyle. "No! No! No!" Lyle squeaked as the gust of wind made him topple over and he screamed as he plummeted into the mud.

A big smile grew on Lynn's face and she whooped triumphantly. Lucy and Luan would have done the same were it not for their gags, while Lincoln sighed inwardly feeling an odd mixture of joy and contempt. Ryan's crazy scheme had paid off, and he would no doubt never let him hear the end of it now that he had saved him twice, albeit in different timelines.

Ryan climbed back down, clutched his hands and shook them in the air. "You did it!" Lynn exclaimed and dashed to hug him, much to Luan's ire, who couldn't make a proper noise of irritation.

''Meh, it was no big deal." He brushed it off.

"Course not." Lynn agreed before punching him in the arm.

"Ow. What was that for?"

"For not letting me do it! I wouldn't have wasted time toying with him." Lynn said snidely.

"Touche." Ryan grinned with a little blood dripping from his mouth.

The goons moved out of the way as Ryan and Lynn arrived to free the hostages. Lynn, however, saw the enemy dragging himself halfway out of the mud pit and collapsing.

"No! It's not fair, not fair, NOT FAIR!" the muck-covered Lyle screamed petulantly while pounding the ground. "You cheated! I want ANOTHER rematch!"

"Go soak your head, asshole!" Lynn spat and shoved her foot into his face, pushing him back where he belonged. His goons all started laughing and pointing at him.

Smirking to herself, Lynn returned to help Ryan untie her siblings. Ryan could see that Lincoln was visibly annoyed and without much grace, pulled the tape of the latter's mouth, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Owwww….." Lincoln hissed.

"Don't pout, little guy. We won." Ryan "reassured" him smugly and pulled his switchblade from his pocket to cut the rope.


Not long after, the five of them had come back to Ryan's home, and were currently in his bedroom. Luckily for Ryan, his sister was away for whatever reason and couldn't see his bruised up face. Though he was a tad disappointed, seeing Renee react to meeting Luan surely would have been at least a little amusing.

Naturally, his companions were more than a little shaken from being kidnapped, so Ryan tried to defuse the tension by prompting Luan to retell their prank call spree in every humorous detail. The bit with Principal Huggins especially helped divert Lincoln's attention away from having been a hostage.

"How can anyone that soul-suckingly boring and tedious possibly appreciate the artistry of Ace Savvy?" Lincoln asked in utter disbelief.

Picturing Principal Huggins going within a five-mile radius of anything that could remotely be considered fun by any stretch of the imagination seemed like a wild fever dream. After how badly he had botched writing class, Lucy could only agree with the sentiment, despite having had more time to process it.

"Your best bud is Clyde. Why are you so surprised?" Lynn quipped teasingly, laying belly down on Ryan's bed. Her jest was followed up by Luan playing the drums for comedic effect, which made everyone laugh even harder than they would have anyway, much to Lincoln's ire.

"Wait? Where did those instruments come from?" Lynn asked before Lincoln could protest. He and Lucy, who was sitting next to him on the floor, looked back at Luan and the drum set, with two guitars leaning against the closet nearby.

Luan shrugged. "Don't look at me. I didn't know Ryan played instruments."

Lincoln and Lynn looked back at Ryan, who was sitting and leaning against the frame of his bed next to Lynn, and holding a cold steak against his bruised face. Marceline was sitting next to him, eyeing the slab of meat hungrily.

It didn't take Lincoln long to put two and two together, and grew infuriated with Ryan's antics for the umpteenth time. And how did he carry all of that heavy equipment to his home, and in a matter of minutes?

"It's not mine. It belongs…..to my cousin. He's part of a band or some junk, and asked me to keep an eye on his stuff while he's out of town." Ryan lied. Lynn knew him well enough to recognize his fibbing voice but didn't really care as much about it as Lincoln did, especially after hearing how Luna and Sam nearly got them into a whole heap of trouble with their tone-deaf jamming, but only as long as Ryan was merely "borrowing" it.

"In that case…" Luan joked "….maybe we oughta try to hook him up with Luna. I might be jumping to conclusions, but she seemed a bit high-strung as of late. Get it?" she giggled, not that anyone joined her. "Maybe it's cuz she desperately needs a man."

"Sorry about that, but he's twenty-one." Ryan lied while shrugging his shoulders, careful not to leave any loose ends that could bite him in the ass later. "And he prides himself with having a clean record with the law." He joked back before tossing the steak to his cat, who caught it and started devouring it greedily while growling and raising her hair.

Luan giggled from his remark, but Lucy was feeling quite the opposite, especially with her sore cheek being a painful reminder of their harrowing experience. While a little levity was all well and good to help them recover, Lucy quickly noticed how her older companions all seemed to be ignoring the issue at hand.

"That's all very intriguing. But how are we going to tell our folks about Lyle?" she spoke up, causing everyone, sans Luan, to freeze up.

"About Lyle?" Lincoln asked uneasily, Lucy looked at him oddly.

Ryan did a fake laugh. "Lyle? Oh no, kid. There's no need to worry our folks, Lyle's been taken care of." Lucy looked at him like he was crazy.

"Yeah, Lyle wanted a rematch and Ryan whooped his sorry butt! No matter the outcome, Lyle got what he wanted and he's gonna have to keep his promise." Lynn backed her friend up with an air of confidence.

"You seriously think he's going to keep his promise?" Lucy narrowed her eyes, her tone incredulous.

"Of course he will." Lynn huffed. "Him and Ryan did a spit shake. That's like the big kids' version of a pinky swear, there's no breaking it. It's a hardcore blood oath!"

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I made his goons lose any respect they had for him." Ryan added.

Lucy frowned and turned to her brother. "Lincoln, can you please explain to them why this is a foolish assumption?" she asked with uncharacteristic sternness.

Lincoln swallowed a huge lump. After dealing with Lyle, they had no choice but to fess up to Lucy and Luan about their feud with him. Ryan and Lynn told them about their fight in the gorge, minus One Eye's involvement and keeping the cause of Charles's injuries a mystery, which mattered little now with the poor dog being unaccounted for, followed by Lyle crossing paths with Lincoln and Clyde. Of course, Lucy knowing about Lyle later attempt at stalking them only further cemented how much that guy was hung up on payback.

The trio felt some relief at Luan's willingness to take Ryan's reassurance for granted but, as they feared, Lucy was not swayed.

"Um…..Lucy? Perhaps we should put a pin on that, y'know?" he suggested awkwardly, much to Lucy's tranquil but still apparent shock. "I mean, let's not cause unnecessary trouble until we can be certain that Lyle won't bother us again."

"You can't be serious about that?" Lucy replied. Luan knelled down next to him.

"He's right, Luce. Let's not be snitches if we don't have to be." She offered a reassuring smile, with little effect. "Plus, if he comes out of the woodwork again, Ryan will just kick his keister again."

"Ryan?" Lynn huffed. "I kicked his keister first!" she pointed at herself.

"We both did, on our own respectively." Ryan shrugged. "And two butt-kickers versus that loser will only level the odds against his favor more."

"Yeah, only an idiot would challenge them." Luan agreed.

"Have all of you lost it?" Lucy asked despondently. She looked at Lincoln with pleading eyes. "Lincoln?"

"Lucy….I…I don't necessarily agree with them…." He raised his hands up "…..but…"

"But what?" Lucy narrowed her eyes. Lincoln could see the disappointment etched all across her features.

"I'm just saying that perhaps it would be wiser not to make any rash decisions and see if Lyle will keep up his end of the bargain. Let's not be snitches." He explained to her, echoing Luan.

Lucy was truly taken aback and rose to her feet. "Snitches?" she balled her fists and raised her voice. "Those thugs kidnapped us, tied us up and held us hostage." She continued, struggling to keep any semblance of composure. "You think they would honor a "promise" after all of that?"

Any form of confidence Lincoln had quickly faded as Lucy stared him down with anger and disappointment. Luan let Lucy's words sink in, and suddenly started to have serious doubts about her earlier assessment.

Something dawned on the goth, and she turned sharply at Lynn. "Are you forcing him to keep quiet?" she asked accusingly. "Is that why you insisted to speak to him in private after he was distraught at dinner?"

"Forcing him?!" Lynn looked offended and pushed herself up to her knees. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you could never put aside your hubris and admit weakness." Lucy retorted, her tone laced with venom. Lynn bore a shocked and confused expression, not exactly knowing the meaning of the word "hubris".

Lucy turned back to Lincoln, her expression softening. "You don't have to suffer because of her. We can tell mom and dad." She told him sympathetically.

Lincoln face was somber. "Lucy, please try-"

"Because of me? What's that supposed to imply?" Lynn interjected.

Lucy returned the harsh glare. "Lyle's your problem." She looked at both the jock and Ryan. "He's after you, and the rest of us got caught in the crossfire. And you want us to endanger ourselves because of your actions?"

"My actions? Lyle attacked us first!" Lynn retorted defiantly.

"After you punched him." Lucy countered, remembering their tale very vividly.

"After he threw rocks at us while we were minding our own business!" Lynn retorted.

"Girls please!" Lincoln spoke up.

"Lucy, are you saying it's our fault that we can't steer clear of scum like him. We are not psychics." Ryan told the goth, more calmly than her own sister.

Lucy calmed down a bit. "No…but it doesn't matter now. He's our enemy regardless." She explained sullenly.

"And that's not all. You know how grownups are. You get into a fight, and they punish everyone equally, even the kids that were only defending themselves." He tried to discourage her, but it didn't work.

Lucy looked at him and clenched her fists. "So you're just like Lynn then? Too proud to ask for help, even when you need it?"

Her words resonated with him, but he tried to retain a self-assured exterior. "Help? There's no need for help. You saw how I handled that creep today; he's no threat to me. I am way too tough for that."

"Meow." Marceline gave her two cents after finishing her meal.

"See. The kitty knows what I'm talking about." Ryan said jokingly. Lucy was anything but amused.

"Guys, maybe Lucy's got a point?" Luan vouched for her, her tone slightly nervous. "That guy seems pretty vindictive. Maybe it'd be better if we told our folks anyway."

"Luan, I know Lucy has a good point." Lincoln nodded. "But we should give him the benefit of the doubt, at least for a little while." He was fully aware of how stupid he sounded after what they went through mere hours ago, but he knew how much this could compromise their main mission.

His reasoning looked anything but sound to Lucy. "Lincoln?" she asked incredulously, before frowning bitterly. "I thought you….I thought you were smarter than this." She spat out. Lincoln shrank under her accusation.

"You too then?" Lucy asked in a hollow tone, her eyes watering up. Lucy gave Ryan a passing glance but didn't say anything. She turned back to Lincoln, who saw how she was on the verge of crying.

"Lucy…you don't understand-"

"So you're still lying to me? You lied about everything?"

"Lucy, please…just hear me out." Lincoln pleaded.

"I heard enough." Lucy said harshly and pushed past him and Luan, stopping at the door.

"If none of you want to tell our parents, I will." She pointed at herself. "I won't suffer, nor will any of you because of Lynn's stupidity." She firmly stated, causing Lynn to seethe.

Tears pouring down her cheeks, Lucy grew a determined look. "I'm going to tell mom and dad, and if you want to stop me you're going to have to bind me again!"

With that, Lucy walked away and the rest heard her descending down the stairs.

"Lucy, wait!" Luan called out for her. Lynn meanwhile darted to the window, followed by Ryan, and they soon saw the goth walking into the backyard and sit under the tree to sulk, evidently too scared to walk home alone at dusk following her run-in with Lyle.

"Relax, fellas. She's going nowhere." Ryan sighed. Luan and Lincoln joined them to observe the goth below.

"She looks really upset." Luan remarked, earning a scoff from Lynn.

"She's always upset about something." She said spitefully.

"Y'think?" Luan glowered at her. "It's because of you that we're in this mess to begin with!"

Lynn narrowed her eyes and took a step towards the comedian, only to be stopped by Ryan.

Luan looked back at the yard and her expression turned dejected. "I think she's right, let's just oust those creeps for what they did."

"Luan, we can't." Lincoln gently grabbed her hand, which she jerked free.

"Why not? You think our own parents won't believe us?" she argued. "And if anyone gets into trouble, it oughta be Lynn."

"Watch it!" Lynn warned her. Lincoln sighed, weighing out his options. Lyle will be a problem for them in the future, no doubt. If only they could hold him off for a little bit longer until a certain date passed.

But Lucy obviously had no desire to give them that time. "Luan, take her back home. Tell her we're sorry and that we'll talk to her about this in the morning."

"So we're telling mom and dad?" Luan inquired.

Lincoln sighed. "Maybe." He answered, much to Lynn's dismay. "Just please, try to convince her to keep quiet until morning, then we'll talk about it. Just make sure she doesn't do anything rash until we all get some sleep and clear our minds."

Luan looked uncertain and glanced down. "I guess we all could use some sleep after all the craziness." She mused.

"Good idea, guys." Ryan shot them a finger gun. "It's been one hell of a day, and some beauty sleep will help the kid get her thoughts straight. You can escort her back home."

"Me? Are you two planning to have another sleepover here?" Luan asked her remaining siblings.

"No…" Lincoln shook his head. "We'll catch up with you soon. We just need to talks things out a bit here."

"Now that that's settled, lemme escort you, Lu." Ryan spoke up and swung his arm over Luan shoulder, leading her out of his room.

As Lynn glared at him, she shot her a quick wink signaling that he had everything under control. After leading her down the stairs and into the living room, Ryan stopped the comedian to have a private talk with her.

"Say, I think I know how you can keep Lucy quiet." He suggested.

Luan frowned. "I don't think that would be the smart thing to do."

"Of course not, I only mean for this night." Ryan clarified. "See, like Lincoln said, we all need to clear our heads and sleep on it. And speaking of the distraction, I think it's about time you and the little vampire had a heart to heart."

"But what am I supposed to say to her?" Luan asked. "The poor thing is still shaken, and who can blame her?"

"Luan, don't you get it? You and Lucy are more alike than you think, she needs you now more than ever."

"What do you mean we're alike?" Luan squinted with befuddlement.

Ryan smiled. "Haven't you figured it out yet? She doesn't have any friends, both me and the L-man are well aware of that. Why do you think she sided with you, or why she grew attached to me so quick? She knows what it is like being shunned and belittled by people like Kathleen just for being different."

"She-what?" Luan was taken aback. "She's being bullied at school and-"

"Tragic but true." Ryan nodded. "I think it's pretty obvious? You really think someone like her would be welcomed with open arms in the cold and judgmental cesspools of hate that are our public schools?"

"I…no….." Luan said blankly. She, of all people, should have seen the signs a mile away. "Huggins ruined writing class for me, one of the few joys I had at school." How could she be so blind? She never recalled Lucy interacting with or ever even mentioning any friends. Luan knew all too well how that felt.

"No sirree." Ryan agreed wholeheartedly. "That's why she needs someone to guide her through those hard times."

"You mean me?" Luan looked at him.

"Yes, you see, she needs someone to confine in who's been through what she's going through right now. Someone she can open up to and understands her sorrows. Yes, there's Lincoln, but the squirt needs a woman in her life, you get what I'm trying to say? And who could possibly fill up that void in her life? Lynn? Pffttt….don't be ridiculous? Those bimbos who used you as a free ticket to pamper themselves? Yeah, right! Your mom, who's overwhelmed taking care of all ten of you?"

"No." Luan glanced down, already feeling like a dipshit for not seeing the obvious. Her little sister was going through the same crap she had to endure and she was ignoring her in order to wallow in her own self-pity?

Ryan suggestion didn't sound like a mere suggestion to her. It sounded like a moral obligation she was willfully ignorant of for far too long.

"You're right, Ryan. I'll talk with her." She smiled at the boy. "Thanks…..for opening my eyes."

"It's no biggie." Ryan said coolly.

"Do….did she tell you anything about her troubles that I should know about in advance?"

"She didn't go into much detail." Ryan shrugged and patted her shoulder. "And it's better for you to find out yourself by letting her explain. That will keep her occupied for a bit as well." He smiled. She smiled back.

"It's getting dark, Lu. You should hurry on." Ryan suggested.

"I guess, I had enough crazy revelations for one day." Luan cracked a smile.

"Yeah…" she rubbed her neck, blushing slightly. Suddenly, she leaned closer and planted a big kiss on his cheek. Ryan grew stiff and stared twitching like a broken animatronic.

Giggling, Luan drew back, her cheeks still crimson, and gently grabbed his hands. "I just wanted to thank you properly for saving me today." She said gently.

"It….it was everything-I mean nothing!" a dazed Ryan blurted.

Luan giggled. "After this is over, you and I are going to have a serious talk too." She said suggestively before taking her departure. "See ya tomorrow!"

The sound of the door closing snapped Ryan out of his trance and he grabbed his spinning head.

"Why does this keep happening?" he lamented. "Do girls have some potent venom on their lips or-" he stopped in his tracks as he was faced with a furious Lynn, her face as red as a lobster's.

"What were you doing!" she yelled and grabbed him by the shirt, her nostrils flaring up.

"Lynn, chill!" Ryan yelped in fright and raised his hands. "I swear, she blindsided me!"

Lynn roared with rage, her teeth morphing into fangs, as she swung her fist up.

"Guys, come up please!"

Her brother's urgent tone calmed the jock a bit. She lowered her fist and glared at the boy she wanted to pulverize because she cared way too much about him.

"Come on! I'll deal with you later!" she barked and pulled Ryan up the stairs.

"Sometimes, my irresistible charisma is a curse." Ryan droned inwardly.


Back in Ryan's room, they found Lincoln sitting on the bad, evidently in deep thought. Marceline was rubbing herself against his leg; Lincoln sighed and scratched her back.

"What's the emergency, pipsqueak?" Ryan snarked.

"Evidently you lovebirds were having another heated argument." Lincoln snarked back, baring an unamused expression.

Ryan smirked and glanced back at Lynn, expecting another hyperbolic declaration of denial, but instead, Lynn simply glared at Ryan.

"What, you told him?" he asked casually.

"I told him what I would do to you if I caught you goofing around with Luan again." Lynn replied dangerously.

"Yes, I know." Lincoln droned. "Can we please move on-"

"Is that what you two went off to talk about?" Ryan smirked. "Does this mean you have second thoughts about going slow and steady with this?" he wiggled his eyebrows, making Lynn seethe and Lincoln's skin crawl.

"Will you focus, Casanova?" Lincoln barked before exhaling with frustration. "That's another story for another day."

"Oh, so I haven't got your blessings yet?" Ryan joked only to be slugged in the gut by Lynn.

Lincoln couldn't help but smirk at Ryan's expression, but quickly reminded himself that they had more urgent matters.

While Ryan clutched his gut, Lynn sighed in frustration and folded her arms. "So what are we gonna do about Lucy?" she asked right off the bat.

"I dunno…" Lincoln shook his head. "She's not gonna back down from this."

"Well, I did convince Luan to buy her some time before I was so rudely manhandled up here." Ryan pointed out while sending Lynn an aside glare.

"What did you tell her to do?" Lincoln inquired.

Ryan sneered. "Oh, just to talk to Lucy and open up to her so she could still take the path of becoming Lucy's unlikely cool big sis cuz that was one of the most interesting developments from the OG timeline. You're welcome by the way."

Lincoln had to swallow his pride there. One of the few good aspects the bad future had offered was that it did help the siblings grow and mature, and become closer. Lucy and Luan bonding over their similar rotten luck in life was an especially odd result, but it did improve both of their lives significantly by giving a confidant they could always lean on when they were in a funk, who could also talk about girl stuff.

"Ah….eh, got job on that." Lincoln begrudgingly admitted before rubbing his chin. "If memory serves, they'll have quite a lot to confess to each other. That should buy us some time, but not much."

"So what can we possibly do?" Lynn questioned impatiently. "The little blabber-mouths gonna ruin everything. Mom and dad are gonna lose their minds if they find out about our feud with Lyle and what that creep did to us, and if he spills the beans about One Eye, it's all gonna come crashing down." She facepalmed dejectedly, realizing that their recent antics were just the kind of thing that would cause enough arguments to destroy a failing marriage for good.

"Unfortunately, when kids get into danger that none of them could have seen coming, the parents love to pin the blame on each other, even when no one's at fault." Ryan added cynically.

Lincoln started to turn pale, seeing the full gravity of the situation. Lucy could ensure the bad future in one fell swoop. Even with the things he and Lynn had done to make things better for their parents, they still probably weren't in the right state of mind to think rationally if they were faced with these revelations.

"There's only one solution." He said bleakly.

"Tie her up, lock her up somewhere and get Lisa to create an amnesia ray?" Lynn suggested half-seriously.

"No, you knucklehead!" Lincoln had a small outburst before quickly composing herself. "We gotta tell her the truth."

"You've gotta be shitting me?!" Lynn blurted in shock.

"I'm dead serious, Lynn." Lincoln retorted.

"Actually, that's a great idea." Ryan shrugged. "She's already taken her first baby steps in helping us out with the phony picnic, might as well bring in a little helper inside our inner circle."

"Hello! Anybody there!" Lynn retorted by knocking on his head, making him wince. "You wanna tell her that we came from the future and want to prevent it from going down the crapper? Are you freaking kidding me? She's gonna think we've gone mad!"

Ryan sneered and returned the gesture by knocking on her noggin. "Hello! The kid already believes in ghosts and poltergeists! And that her great-grannies "spellbook" could be used to cast actual spells!" he elaborated as Lynn stepped back and rubbed her head. "I don't think "time travel" would a hard pill for her to swallow."

Lincoln's eyes widened and he jumped to his feet, his brain going into overdrive. "You're right, Taylor!"

Did he just say that? Who cares! Realization struck him like lightning and he rested his head in his hand. "Lucy believes in all kinds of weird stuff, she's hardly got any disbelief to suspend. And if "time travel" is too…..sci-fi for her taste, we can just say that we all had some kind of prophetic visions of things to come, she loves mysticism! She would buy it just because she likes mysticism!"

"Now you're singing my song, Twinkle Toes!" Ryan approved. "We'll get extra help and we'll simultaneously get her to keep her mouth shut. It's win-win!"

"Guys, this is a stupid idea!" Lynn threw her arms up. "What use could Lucy be? She can barely get anyone to notice her! Let alone lead them astray from causing havoc!"

"Lynn, this isn't a matter of how "useful" she is." Lincoln countered. "It's a matter of how Lucy could cause a chain reaction that could ruin everything, unless we let her in. We don't have another option. Plus, she's more than earned this knowledge after everything she did to help us already."

Lynn's pupils shrank and she started sweating. "But, but, but, but…."

"No buts, Lynn!" Lincoln pointed at her. "What we're doing is way bigger than some personal, petty grudges." He gestured at Ryan. "I've been putting up with your boyfriend for nearly a week, so you can put up with Lucy! Remember the motto; take one for the team!"

"He curb-stomped you right there." Ryan snickered at his friend's defeated expression.

Grumbling incoherently, Lynn folded her arms again. She hated being "defeated" in any situation, but she couldn't put herself first here. Her brother was right, they had an important goal to accomplish, and personal animosity had to be put aside. If Ryan could put aside his humongous ego to fight zombies alongside Lincoln, she could put up with Lucy giving her lip while facing whatever trials the future had in store for them.

"Fine, it's unanimous, but I vote under protest." She grumbled in defeat.

Lincoln smiled, feeling an immense amount of relief. He could finally stop lying to Lucy. "Well, crisis averted, I guess. I'm sure Lucy will understand why we'll have to put our problems with Lyle on hold until "the incident" gets taken care of. And here I thought we would have to take drastic actions to-"

He was cut off by his phone ringing. "It's mom." Lincoln noted after taking a look at the number,

"What could she want now?" Lynn asked.

"Probably just wondering why we aren't home yet?" Lincoln reasoned optimistically before answering the call. "Hey, mom? Sup?"

His smile slowly faltered. "Yeah….mhm…." he gestured for the other to stay quiet as he walked between them and started pacing through the room.

"Yeah…what? An envelope? I haven't seen any other than…."

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Lynn whispered to Ryan warily.

"Because, his brief stint of optimism obviously jinxed us, duh." Ryan replied dryly, already knowing he wasn't going to bed this nigh.

"What?" Lincoln's tone turned more fearful, prompting Lynn's eyelids to drop.

"Yeah, he defiantly jinxed us." She sighed and slouched.

Marceline put her paw on her face, either aiming to facepalm, or to scratch an itch.


I can't remember the last chapter where I've amused myself this much writing it XD I really doubled down on the comedy here, I even had to cut some lines out because I worried they were too goofy. And that's also why I had Lucy keep her new hairdo for the duration of this arc, simply for an ever present source of silliness XD The two prank call scenes were meant to be much shorter but I could cut neither of them down because I found them too funny XD

Lyle has finally gotten a fitting dose of karma after what he did to Lana and Luan in my very first fic (even if that technically never happened now, but he's still an major A-hole regardless XD) His humiliation (and the prior roasting by Ryan) here will undoubtedly fuel his desire for vengeance more than ever, though he could be hard-pressed to fulfill it now that he's honor-bound (or at least peer-pressured) by the "sacred spit shake" to leave the protagonists alone XD

Unfortunately, his timing couldn't have been worse, and Lucy's now hell-bent to snitch on the bully and unintentionally putting all of the trio's efforts for fixing the future into jeopardy. The only way out (sans locking her up) is to let her in on the secret, but how will she take it? But will have to be put on hold for the next chapter. This arc took way longer to finish than I thought, as it was originally supposed to be just four chapters. Finally, it's coming to a close, with the last chapter being the end. Afterward, we can move on to a new scenario that the trio will be hard-pressed to handle, and I have a few ideas for what the next "episode" could be about.

And poor Lisa, she was trying to own up to her mistakes but ultimately fell prey to the most potent of hindrances: fear. Though granted, her fears are well justified, especially with her daddy conveniently saying the right words to cloud her judgment with crippling fear XD How she's going to cope with her guilt from now on, only time can tell. Ironically though, Lisa's original face turn was brought about by a simple stern talking to by Lincoln, here…..near zombie apocalypse thanks to her playing god with science XD It just goes to show you how messing with the timeline can have various repercussions. Her actions might prevent her family from splitting up, but the OG timeline Lisa has inadvertently screwed her past self bad. In retrospect, she has committed the biggest sacrifice to ensure a better future, intentionally or not XD