In the wake of a long and nerve-racking night sleep came surprisingly easy. The moment he had felt safe, Lincoln went out like a light and drifted off into a dreamless slumber.
Prying his crusty eyes open, he slowly regained consciousness. His mind was hazy and his body still felt very exhausted. He awakened into a dark and confusing world, though he was lying on something soft. Stirring weekly, he tried to adjust his eyesight, still too groggy to think with any more cohesion than the basic instinct to wake up. He felt like he had blacked out for a while.
Slowly squirming around, he figured out that he was in a bed. Rolling to his right he noticed the window blinds being closed, with only a little light shining through the bars. Slowly but steadily, the events of last night's hassle started flooding back to him; the money, the hotel, breaking into it, him acting as a lookout, the farm, Donnie Dufresne…"One Eye!"
He felt a shiver course through his entire body but soon calmed down, remembering that they had ditched the wolf. "He can't hurt you; he's far, far away." Lincoln had to reassure himself, wiping sweat off his forehead.
"But where am I now?" Last thing he remembered was sobbing and hugging his sister in Ryan's room, though that particular memory was very vague and hazy. Was that where he was? Where else could he be? Rubbing his temples and grumbling groggily, he sat up.
"I must have dozed off….." he thought "…..where are the others?" As he stirred a bit he felt something soft pressed against his flank. That thing stirred and stretched herself, while releasing a loud yawn. Lincoln squinted but was soon met with a pair of familiar emerald eyes.
"Marceline?" he mumbled, still in a daze, while rubbing his eyes. The cat purred and came closer, rubbing her body against his chest and under his chin in an affectionate manner. Lincoln looked around and found one…no, two figures lying on the floor. The sight unnerved him a bit and he quickly marched to the window to pull the blinds up. He shut his eyes tight as he was blinded by powerful sun rays; this defiantly wasn't early morning, but noon.
Rubbing his eyes, he faced away from the sun and turned towards the lying figures. It was Ryan and Lynn, still in their ninja getup minus their masks, which were lying next to them on the floor, and the two were cuddling in their sleep, looking far more calm and content than normal. Lincoln would have been horrified by the sight under normal circumstances, but after yesterday's ordeals, the sight in front of him felt insignificant.
He stepped around the sleeping couple. "I feel like I'm invading their privacy…." Lincoln had already made up his mind to leave. Despite his body still feeling tired, his mind felt reckless.
Marceline meowed, and Lincoln saw her sitting on the bed and watching him. Lincoln shifted his glance towards the alarm clock. It was already half an hour past noon? Lincoln wasn't surprised, given the trio's late night escapade, which continued well past the wee hours. It was actually a miracle that he awoke this early, even more so given how little sleep he had gotten the night prior. Lincoln sighed, trying to find his bearings.
He went over to the cat and stroked her head, which she seemed quite happy about and purred affectionately. He looked at his sister once more before turning back to the cat.
"Say, do you know what those two were doing…." Lincoln asked her idly "….it's not like I want to know….it's probably gross and…oh, for the love of…..I'm talking to a cat?" He rambled on and clutched his hair. Marceline tilted her head looking at him.
"What was I gonna do? Right. Give them some privacy." Lincoln mumbled to himself.
As he was about to leave, he glanced over at the nightstand and found his and Lynn's phones lying there, as they had left them last night. Lincoln wondered what his family was up to while he and Lynn were offline? Hopefully nothing with terrible repercussions?
Picking up his phone, he found two messages from Lucy saying more or less the same thing. "Where are you? You said you would talk to me and tell mom and dad about the bullies?"
Her second messages sounded more demanding. "Where are you? If you don't come I'll tell them myself." It was cut and dry and made the boy feel uneasy. Lucy obviously wasn't going to back down on this and the only way to put a lid on their Lyle problem was to let her in on their mission. Lincoln hoped Lucy would be reasonable.
He read the third message, which brought a smile to his face. It was from his father. "At least this nightmare wasn't for nothing." His father had earned his chance at starting a restaurant. The whole reason they went on the phony picnic in the first place, and why they ran into Kathleen, and Lyle, and even One Eye.
"Was that really worth it?" He soon wondered if letting his father fulfill his dream was worth all the grief they had to endure, and the lingering consequences of those encounters.
Him, Lynn and their dad would undoubtedly have to take drastic measures to protect the latter's restaurant from the girls, which would entail keeping them out of the establishment period. He soon found himself consumed by another wave of pessimism.
"Don't think like that. Any victory matters, no matter how small."
He found a fourth message, this one from his mother. It told him that she found her envelope and that he needn't worry, and that she was currently on her way to the bank. "So the ninja duo finished the job?" Lincoln sighed with relief; this problem had been dealt with. At least their attempts at damage control had been going smoothly so far.
Lincoln grabbed his old clothes and walked towards the bathroom. Placing them on the washing machine, he turned to the sink to splashed water on his face several times. The cool liquid helped him wake up and the cold sensation quelled his anxiety a bit.
Drying his face with a towel, the boy jolted as he saw another person in the mirror. He turned around and found Renee leaning against the doorway, arms folded. "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon." She greeted him in a blasé tone.
Having lived with Lucy for years, Lincoln recovered from his shock fairly quickly. "Renee?" he gulped. "Um….good morning?"
"It's not morning." She replied bluntly. "What are you doing here?"
Lincoln felt uneasy trying to retain eye contact with her. Something about her steely gaze was unnerving and scary, like confronting that one overly-strict teacher at school that you feared would punish you for the most minor provocation, intentional or not. How could a 14-year-old emanate that same kind of menace?
"Um….me and Lynn had another sleepover."
"Her again…." Renee rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, well…the three of us plus my other sisters, Lucy and Luan, went for a stroll yesterday, and me and Lynn liked it here and stayed for another sleepover, I hope that didn't bother you."
"Lucy?" Renee asked distastefully.
"Yeah, I believe you met her." Lincoln smiled awkwardly. Renee's look told him the pleasure wasn't hers. The teen didn't respond to that. Instead, she took a particular interest in Lincoln's wardrobe and narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"Why are you dressed like that?"
Lincoln swallowed a huge lump, realizing he was still clad in his black stealth clothes. "Don't panic, think fast. Just come up with an explanation."
"Well….I….it was for Lucy. Not sure if you've noticed… but she's really into goth culture and such."
"I've noticed." Renee said blandly, her glare remaining firm.
"Well, yesterday Ryan, Lynn and Luan all wanted to go to Dairyland but little Lucy wanted to go to a goth convention instead. Naturally, we couldn't let her go without a chaperon so I volunteered…and had to dress accordingly." He explained and pointed at his wardrobe.
He grew more nervous as an uneasy silence ensued. Renee seemed to be contemplating his answer, but much to his relief, her glare eased up.
"So they ditched you in order to indulge themselves in that cesspool of hedonism, and left you with the burden of babysitting that little psychopath?" she arched an eyebrow.
"What did you call her?" Lincoln asked.
"Huh…" Renee shrugged. "That does sound like something my brother would do."
"Why did you call Lucy a psychopath?"
"Because it's pretty apparent she is one." Renee replied in a blasé tone. "I hate to break it to you, kid, but grabbing the corpses of dead animals and trying to bury them? I don't think there's a more unambiguous sign that someone is not of sound mind. Her insistence that she's a "liaison" between the living and departed only cements that."
Lincoln narrowed his eyes. "Look, I don't know where you got that impression but you're dead-wrong. I know Lucy is weird and spooky, but she's also the nicest girl I have ever known. The funeral thing….eh…that's just a phase."
Renee looked unmoved.
"She's just eccentric, and she's only seven." Lincoln continued. "She doesn't know that some of her behavior creeps people out."
"Exactly, she displays clear disinhibition, an impaired ability to comprehend her own actions and how other people will perceive it. Ergo, she's a psychopath in the making." Renee shrugged.
"That's ridiculous, if she's a psychopath why is she always concerned about my well-being? Or our sisters'?" Lincoln asked indignantly.
"Dunno, her pathological idiosyncrasies will probably get worse as she gets older." Renee shrugged, not really seeming to care about debating the topic at hand. "If you wish to believe otherwise, fine by me. Whatever floats your boat, freaks got to stick up for fellow freaks I suppose."
With that, she strolled away, leaving Lincoln feeling pretty infuriated. People could mock him all they wanted but they had no right to badmouth his little sister. But he could do nothing about it, this was Renee's home and one couldn't exactly justify a relative's hobby of performing funerals, for real deceased animals.
As usual when someone insulted him or his family, Lincoln could do little but take it and wilt with tranquil anger.
Slowly gaining consciousness, Lynn hummed as she nestled her head against something warm and cozy, to which she clung on tightly. Stirring, she let out a yawn.
"Morning, Sunshine."
Her eyes shot open, after going stiff for a second she saw that she had wound up in a very familiar position. With a yelp, she scooted away, blushing madly.
Ryan sat up and stretched his arms, smirking at her. "Thought you were a morning person?" despite his taunting attitude, he was blushing just as much, if not more so, as he had been conscious a little longer.
"W-What happened?" Lynn asked him, her tone groggy.
Ryan briefly looked around. "Looks like we dropped dead once we took one step in." he shrugged. "I'm flattered to know that even in sleep you can't stand away from…..oh, wait? I already knew that."
Lynn's shoulders slumped and she exhaled. Her cheeks were hot but strangely, she didn't feel that embarrassed or weirded out by this? Actually, it felt rather nice.
"I guess it wasn't that bad. At least I found a nice place to catch some Zs." She relaxed and scooted closer to him. "You do indeed make a nice pillow."
"So you wanna continue it? The day's still young." Ryan smiled eagerly.
Lynn smirked. "Maybe some other time, and some place my baby brother can't watch us." She looked over her shoulder but found the bed empty. "Lincoln? Where is he?" she looked around.
"Probably got up early, he didn't run a cross country marathon last night while dragging dumbbells around." Ryan snarked. "He didn't go on a detour to return some missing cash either."
"I'm here…." They heard Lincoln's dejected voice, as the latter walked, now back in his usual attire, carrying a coke in one hand and his folded-up stealth suit under his other arm.
Lynn gulped. "Eh….how much did you see…"
"I saw everything; you guys were cuddling on the floor." Lincoln said indifferently as he sat next to her, placing his stealth suit down, and took a gulp. Lynn blushed again with embarrassment.
Lincoln exhaled as the cold drink washed down his gullet. "But I guess that's what couples do, so who am I to judge?"
"We're not…..I mean…." Lynn stammered. "Ugh….can we talk about something else?" she asked impatiently.
"Like how you said in your sleep "Yes, I'll be Mrs. Taylor"?"
"What?!" Lynn freaked out and even Ryan looked startled by this.
"Wow, let's not get ahead of ourselves there." He raised his hands up uneasily. "I mean, I like you and all but-"
"Just kidding, I didn't hear her talk." Lincoln shrugged.
His sister scowled and clenched her fists."Not funny." She said unamused.
"Glad to see you're not a total wet blanket after your power nap, like yesterday." Ryan quipped.
Lincoln sighed. "I guess after you had one brush with death the shock just doesn't linger as long the second time…."
"Trauma builds character." Ryan shrugged.
"Speaking of blabbing in your sleep?" Lynn smirked evilly. "What was that you muttered at the barn about being "Jordan's hero"?"
"Huh?" was Lincoln's response, much to Lynn's ire, as she didn't get a rise out him as expected.
"Y'know, there are some things a person should keep to themselves." Ryan snarked. "But I guess your crush on that Jordan fella explains a lot about you."
Lynn groaned and slugged him in the arm. "You dunderhead, Jordan's a girl from his school!"
"Really? Pew, what a relief…" Ryan nodded before it hit him. "Wait? How can a girl be named "Jordan"? That's a guy name."
"They can, it's a unisex name." Lynn huffed.
"Since when?" Ryan laughed. "Is this some new left-wing feminist movement? Give girls boy names?"
"No it's not; I can list ten celebrities who are girls, including athletes of the top of my head with that name."
"You Americans are weird." Ryan dismissed her.
"Forget it." Lynn rolled her eyes and turned to her brother. "Since when did you have a crush? And you didn't tell me?"
"I don't think I'm crushing on anyone." Lincoln shrugged. "I mean….Jordan is pretty but so are Cristina, and Paige, and a lot of girls in my school." He explained with a casual, blasé demeanor, like he was just making a neutral observation. "Even that one Ace Savvy fan that kicked me in the nuts at the comic store to steal the issue I bought."
Lincoln actually knew the fangirl's name, but for the sake of their collective sanity didn't mention it. As twisted of a sense of humor as Ryan could have, Lincoln doubted he would take it well if, even for a moment, he believed that Lincoln was fancying his sister. There are some ideas that should never be planted in anyone's mind.
"Talk about getting blue balls for a chick." Ryan sniggered.
"Then why were you imagining Jordan as your damsel in distress then?" Lynn demanded impatiently.
"I dunno, I guess it's that "filling up dream characters with people you know" thing." Lincoln shrugged. Lynn rolled her eyes while Ryan chuckled.
"Gotta admit, Twinkle Toes, you sure showed that cootie-machine over there that boy's don't buckle easily when faced with tough questions. Put it there." He grabbed Lincoln's arm and high-fived him.
Lynn opted to drop the matter. Her brother didn't seem particularly embarrassed, so there was no fun to be had teasing him, and given how she herself had trouble figuring out how to deal with her feelings for Ryan, she doubted her baby brother had a serious crush on anyone, at least consciously. At least she could rest easily since that dream confirmed he was into girls.
"I should have known better than to buy into Ryan's dumb jokes." She scolded herself.
"Speaking of cracking under pressure?" Lynn snarked and faced Ryan. "What about your confession to Linc when you thought we were gonna die?"
"What do you mean?" Lincoln asked without much interest.
"Lynn, I think you're exaggerating things." Ryan coolly retorted.
"You can't cover your ass now." Lynn sniped.
Ryan rolled his eyes. "Seriously now, Lynn? My exact words were that I don't think he's "that bad", that ain't high praise?"
"Which is your way of saying you like someone." Lynn retorted cheerily.
"Guys, can we talk about this some other time?" an exasperated Lincoln interjected. "We have to deal with Lucy now."
Lynn's face fell. Ryan on the other hand, was quite happy.
"I can't wait to let her in, she's sure to be thrilled to hear about our "prophetic visions"." He stroked his chin. "Maybe she'll devise a scheme to scare the bimbos into submission."
"Let's hope she'll cooperate, I feel pretty guilty for lying to her as it is. She deserves to know the truth." Lincoln agreed. Lynn looked down with a sulky expression.
"C'mon, Lynn, don't sulk about it? I mean… it could be worse?" Lincoln smiled at her.
"How?" she grunted.
"We could have been forced to team up with Lola or Lori? Or both?"
Lynn sniggered, feeling a bit better. "You got me there. That would be way worse."
"Now that that's settled, let's go. Lucy's growing impatient, if her messages are anything to go by." Lincoln pointed out.
"Just one more thing." Lynn interjected and looked at Ryan. "Once we get back home, you know what you're going to have to tell Luan?"
Ryan grew uneasy. "Ehh…..right now?"
"Yes, right now." Lynn glared at him.
"You two talked about that?" Lincoln blinked.
"Sure we did, Linc, in the shafts." Lynn huffed. "Which means Lover Boy's gonna have to dump Tin Teeth."
"Now wait just a sec?" a nervous Ryan interjected. "What if she doesn't take it well?"
"She sure won't." Lynn shrugged. "Can't avoid the inevitable."
"Exactly, and if she's mad at me, how are we gonna keep her quiet about Lyle?"
Lincoln went silent and contemplated. That was a good point?
"You have to let her down gently."
Lynn laughed. "Him? Gentle?" she pointed at Ryan. "Get real. And it's not like Lu's gonna act reasonably, hysterical teen girls never do."
"Look, Taylor, just try to tell her this gently. You do like her, don't you? You wouldn't want to crush her too bad?"
Ryan groaned. "And what do you expect me to tell her? "Sorry, sweet cakes, but your sister is better"?"
"Sounds like a good reason to me." Lynn smirked haughtily. "I already suggested that."
"Lynn, be serious." Lincoln glowered at her before turning back to Ryan. "Just….I dunno…..shower her with compliments. Tell her everything you like about her, and make up more things if you have to. Just make sure to end said conversation with "let's just be friends"."
Ryan swallowed a huge lump. He never expected to be scared of talking to Luan of all people, but there he was. Oh, why did he have to be so irresistibly charming and desirable?
At the Louds' house, Luan and Luna were on the couch watching Dream Boat, a rare chance for both of them to enjoy the show without the rest of their siblings bothering them with their inane chatter.
Lucy was sandwiched between them, far, far less enthusiastic about the show than the young teens.
"Words cannot describe how much I detest this ratings-luring schlock. Sigh, but the true tragedy is how this genre is a ratings trap in the first place." Lucy always advocated that they watch something else but always got outvoted.
But dumb reality shows or whatever this was supposed to be were the least of her concerns. Lincoln and Lynn had been gone for the entire morning and she didn't know why. She had texted her brother, telling him in no uncertain terms that she would tell, regardless of his consent, if he didn't show up.
"Luan, where are they?"
The comedian hushed her, not peeling her eyes off the screen. "Not now, Karen's so going to choose Ray to be her new first mate."
Lucy frowned. "Luan…." She whispered, though it was rather needless since Luna was likewise mesmerized at the moment. "Don't you think we have more pressing matters to attend to than some Hollywood runway model's fake love life?"
"Do you think I should do the same with Ryan when he seals the deal with me?" Luan asked dreamily, her eyes sparkly. "We'll rent out a paddleboat, I'll buy a nifty captain's hat and I'll declare him my first mate." She giggled impishly.
Lucy felt an odd mixture of disgust and pity. Disgust because her sister openly expressed her desire to smooch with a boy, and pity because she knew her crush was futile, at least according to Lincoln. To be frank, though Lucy didn't want to degrade herself into shipping people like her sisters did whenever they watched this damn show, and since she didn't care about icky romance in general, she thought Ryan would be better off hooking up with Luan.
Opting for the alternative couldn't possibly be healthy for him. Lynn couldn't uphold a healthy relationship with her own siblings thanks to her boorish and egotistical personality, why would a boyfriend be any different?
And speak of the devils, the door opened and in came Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan. Lucy was surprised to see her brother and sister sporting reddish eyes and eye bags. Ryan was no better, but with him you couldn't see unless you squinted. Luan and Luna didn't hear anything, their attention still fixated on the TV.
"You're back?" Lucy said, far too quietly for anyone to hear. The three stopped and grew tense as they noted her watching them. Lucy immediately jumped off the couch and headed towards them.
"Hey, Lucy?" her brother greeted her awkwardly. He didn't need to see her eyes to know that she noticed how disheveled they looked.
"Did you sleep last night?" she asked him bluntly.
"Not much…." Lynn frowned; knowing there was no use trying to cover that up. "Troubled minds, we had a lot to think about."
"Oh…." Lucy nodded. "It's about Lyle?"
"Sorta…." Lincoln nodded sadly, bracing himself for another uncomfortable talk with one of his sisters. At least this one didn't involve romancing Ryan, though that was of little comfort. "The four of us need to talk… in private."
"Aren't we going to talk with dad?" Lucy asked. "Mom's away but he's preparing lunch in the kitchen."
"What's your hurry? First we need to talk about something else." Lynn retorted.
"I thought we made a deal?" Lucy replied firmly and looked at her brother. "Either we all come clear or I'll tell anyway."
Lynn felt her blood boil. After nearly being torn apart by a wolf last night she had zero patience for her runt of a sister mouthing off to her. "Listen here, shrimp-"
"Now, Lynn, no need to get hostile." Ryan sniped at her, keeping his hands behind his back for the moment. "Lucy will understand soon enough."
The goth cocked an eyebrow under her bags. Why did that sound oddly like people trying to initiate you into a cult of some kind? "What are you talking about, Ryan?"
"It's…. complicated." He shrugged awkwardly. "Which is why we need to talk…..somewhere undisclosed."
"But what about Lyle?"
"He can wait, we need to talk." Lynn barked impatiently.
"Will you keep it down!" Luna shouted without looking at them. "Karen's about to make her big decision! It's bound to be Brad!"
Lucy scowled under her bags. "No, he can't. I told you-"
"Lynn, please." Lincoln told the agitated jock. "We have to be discreet about this."
This only made Lucy more confused. "What do you mean "discreet"?"
Lincoln looked at her sadly. "Lucy….we haven't been entirely honest with you about…..things?"
Lucy tried to process that. "What do you mean….wait? "
"Well…..let's say Lyle wasn't the main reason the Linc-nator has been on the mopey side lately." Ryan quipped, lowering his voice.
"No…he's not." Lincoln agreed dejectedly. "I wish a bully was our sole problem."
Lucy grew increasingly more puzzled until she slowly started to realize. But if Lyle wasn't their main problem, what were they getting at?
"There's something else goi-"
"Shhhhhhh…we're watching this!" Luan chastised them before turning back to the TV screen with eager anticipation, until she did a double take. "Ryan?"
"Oh, no…." the three thought simultaneously as Dream Boat suddenly didn't seem to matter to the comedian and she skipped happily up to their guest.
"Ryan? What a coinky-dence, me and Luce were just talking about you?" she giggled, making Ryan feel nervous.
"Lu, eh…..sup?" he greeted her nervously as he noted Lynn sending him a cold glare, clearly expecting him to tell her sister something.
"Seriously, dudes, hush up!" Luna shouted at them. "I'm trying to watch…..oh, no. No! You gotta be pulling my leg?" she lamented at the TV. "Another bogus cliffhanger?!"
Lynn groaned. "Dream Boat? Really? You guys still watch that crap?" she asked the rocker snidely.
"Hey, we don't lecture you about watching all those interchangeable sports tournaments." Luna shot back, still furious about the cliffhanger.
"Pffft…at least they have stakes and drama." The jock huffed proudly.
"She's got you there." Ryan agreed. "Reality show schmutz makes even the dumbest sports event look relevant by comparison."
"Thanks…..hey?" Lynn glared at him.
Luan gulped. "Eh….yeah, you're absolutely right. Me and Lucy just watched it so Luna wouldn't feel left out."
"I thought you loved the show?" Lucy asked, prompting the nervous comedian to do a "cut it out" gesture.
"I was just saying that to make it more convincing." She giggled awkwardly.
"Pffffttt….you're such a schmuck, Luan. Y'know that?" Luna snarked at the comedian. "Have some dignity."
Luan glared at her before smirking smugly and grabbing Ryan's hand, lifting it up. "Expect that this "schmuck" has landed her ideal guy, while someone here is still stringing guitars by her lonesome."
Lynn seethed and Lincoln grabbed her shoulder, giving her a look that signaled her to calm down.
Ryan gulped. "Eh, Lu? About that-"
"Ryan? What happened to your hands?" Lucy asked worriedly. Luan blinked and gasped upon seeing that the hand she was holding was bandaged.
"Ryan, what happened?" she covered her mouth fearfully.
Sweating, Ryan withdrew his hand and grinned. "Oh, nothing! I'm just dealing with some suicidal depression….."
Luan and Luna went agape, while Lynn facepalmed.
"Gotcha, didn't I?" Ryan laughed at the comedian's horrified face. "Nah, everything's cool, I just wanted to make my buds some morning tea." He gestured at Lynn and Lincoln. "But…eh…I had a little accident with the kettle."
He chuckled sheepishly while flaunting both of his bandaged palms.
Luan remained shocked, but Lucy, in spite of everything, tittered at his joke, earning a disapproving glare from Lincoln.
"You poor thing…." Luan hugged him, much to Lynn's chagrin. "You oughta be more careful. Don't scare me like that."
The boy blushed, but not for the right reasons. "It's okay, I'm tough. I can handle some measly burns."
Luan leaned back and slapped him on the arm. "And don't make jokes like that! That's not funny!"
"I don't think you actually understand the concept of black comedy." Lucy stated.
Lincoln sighed. Things were slowly getting out of hand. "Ryan?" he suggested. "Why don't you take a stroll with Luan, talk about stuff? While me and Lynn talk with Lucy?" he placed his hands on the goth's shoulder. Lucy looked at him, still suspicious.
"But if he wants to fess up about something important, I should give him the chance." She figured and stayed silent.
"I'm cool with that." Luan nodded happily and batted her eyelashes at Ryan. "I can help nurture you back to health."
Lynn trembled with rage but forced a tooth-clenched grin. "Yeah, Ryan. Why don't you talk to her? Don't you have something to tell her?"
Ryan was sweating profusely as Luan tugged his arm. Lincoln wanted to berate the jock. Why did she have to be spiteful and word it like that? He felt even worse as he saw Luan silently beam, obviously taking it the wrong way.
"Kids, you're back." They heard Lynn Sr.' groggy voice as the man walked out of the kitchen wearing an apron…..and a pancake on his cheek?
"Eh….pops? Why do you have a flapjack on your face?" Luna duly noted, leaning into the couch.
"I do? Ups." Lynn Sr. giggle, swiftly pealing it off and hiding it behind his back.
"Dad, did you fall asleep on the kitchen table while preparing lunch again?" Lincoln asked, unsurprised.
"Well….yes, as you know, your mother and I stayed past our curfew trying to find some money we had to deposit." His father explained sheepishly. "But worry not, son. We didn't lose it; we just misplaced it in our room. Just another false alarm." He joked.
"Well that's good to hear." Lincoln smiled. "And you said your meeting with McCole went well?"
"It sure did." Lynn Sr. beamed. "But don't get overexcited just yet. There's still a lot of work left before we can own our own restaurant, first I need to buy a building and renovate it, buy all the necessary equipment, hire a staff….."
"Take your sweet time, dad." Lynn told him. "There's no point rushing into things." Both she and Lincoln hoped that their dad wouldn't start anything until at least "the incident" had passed by.
Lucy, Luan and Luna all stared at the jock oddly. Lynn giving lectures about not being impulsive?
"Yeah, what matters is that you convinced that food critic to help you; that was bound to be the hardest step." Lincoln agreed.
"You betcha, sport." His father shot him a finger gun. "I don't think I've been this terrified in my life since the time I tried to pop the question to the woman you all now know as "mom"." He chuckled. "But if there's a lesson to be taken away from this, it's to never doubt yourself."
"That's really swell, sir…" Ryan rolled his eyes "….but perhaps now you should worry about your daughters falling in with the wrong crowd?"
"What do you mean?" Lynn Sr. grew worried.
"Kathleen Tisdale, I think all of us can agree that it's pertinent to separate the girls from her. Don't you think so, Luan?"
Luan's cheerful persona melted away, and her face darkened. "Yes! We gotta get them away from that monster."
Her father looked puzzled before it dawned on him. "Oh, right, you and her aren't on good terms…"
"That's a severe understatement, their mutual hatred is unrivaled." Ryan explained. "It's so strong that saying one positive thing about Kathy would be plain heresy against my friendship with Luan."
"She's a vile and detestable human being." Lucy added.
"I'd gladly knock out all her bleached chompers." Lynn huffed and folded her arms. "If she couldn't sue me into the stone age for it." She muttered under her breath.
Lincoln shifted quietly.
Lynn Sr. didn't know what to make of this. Clearly he had some catching up to do.
"How many months of therapy does he have left?" the father asked incredulously. The seven of them were now sitting around the kitchen table as Luan recounted her history with Kathleen.
"Luan, are you sure that wasn't just a joke on her part?" Luna asked casually. "That just sounds too wankers to be real." Luan glared daggers at her.
"Luna, she literally told us that was the reason she was sent to that charity organization by her dad, he wanted to drill some sense into her." Lincoln gave the rocker a tired look. "And she claims to feel regret over it, which is why she's funding all those other charity events."
"And even if she was joking, do you think all those awful things she did to me was also a joke?" Luan raised her voice, on the verge of shedding tears. "You think I made that up?!"
"Wow, take a chill pill, man…." Luna backed away, unnerved by her outburst.
"Take it easy, sweetie, of course we all believe you. Why would I mistrust my own daughter?" Lynn Sr. reassured her. He actually had a long list of reasons to distrust his daughters, but the raw pain Luan exhibited just talking about this Kathleen girl left little room for doubt in his mind. He too had once been a kid and knew all too well what it was like being bullied.
Seeing the sincerity in his voice, Luan calmed down a bit.
"Luan, I'm so sorry to hear this. Why didn't you ever tell us about it?" her father asked, making her shrink with shame.
Lincoln sighed. "It's never easy to fess up about things like that, you always feel embarrassed….."
His father slowly nodded, again, understanding what his son meant from personal experience.
"I see your point, kids. That girl doesn't sound like the kind of character I would want to influence my own offspring."
"It's no grand feat to figure her out." Ryan shrugged while leaning in his chair. He held his right index finger up. "She's a cheerleader for one. Head cheerleader at that." He then lifted his left index finger too. "And she's filthy rich. Neither of those attributes are a good sign, but if you combine them…. " He moved his two fingers together. "Oh boy…why that's like TNT."
Lynn Sr. sighed. "My old man always used to tell me that money and power corrupts. No surprise rich kids turn out bad without careful supervision."
"Aren't you being a little barmy, Ryan?" Luna asked. "I've know some cheerleaders from junior high, at high school too. Many of them are pretty cool to me."
The boy sneered. "Yes, they'll be nice to you if you're popular. It's smart politics to keep up good relations with fellow populars. But if you're not popular…" he shook his head "…..then you better watch your back."
"Story of my life…." Luan remarked bitterly.
"I know what that's like." Lincoln gave her a sympathetic smile.
"Me too…." Lucy concurred, though she didn't go into details. They were trying to help Luan right now and she needed it more.
"Count me in." Ryan joined in candidly. Lynn shifted quietly, feeling grossly left out.
"I'm no stranger to the concept either." The token adult agreed with a little levity. "When I was in school, my classmates made a billion cracks about my nose alone, most of which too vulgar for you youngsters to hear."
He sighed and rube his neck. "In that case, maybe it's for the better to prohibit the girls from meeting that Kathleen anymore. I'm sure your mother will agree. She sounds like trouble…."
"Wait a sec, pops." Luna interjected. "Why are all of ya just assuming she's lying about everything? Maybe she did change? Didn't she say that those people at the charity organization opened her eyes?"
"Your optimism is admirable but sadly misplaced." Ryan answered snidely. "I know scum when I see it." He pointed his thumb at himself.
Luna frowned. "Based on what? On stereotypes?"
"Stereotypes exist for a reason." Ryan shrugged.
"I trust his judgment, Luna." Lincoln begrudgingly agreed. "I find it hard to buy that someone would go from rotten apple to a beacon of generosity that fast."
"Yeah, on last day of school I came home with a "kick me in my fat ass" sign on my back!" Luann ranted.
Her father went agape and Lincoln covered Lucy's ears. "Pardon my French, guys." She sighed but quickly regained her vigor. "But that wasn't even a month ago."
"Sounds like a scam to me. I'm sure it's just a stunt to appease her daddy." Lynn added.
"And what if you're wrong?" Lynn and Ryan both held back the urge to punch the rocker in the face for her naivety.
"Doesn't she at least deserve a fair shot?"
Ryan couldn't refrain from probing a bit. "Kay, just so we're clear. Are you just vouching for Kathy because you hope Ms. Moneybags can be your VIP ticket to meet someone you idolize?"
"Or are you just itching for some gold-digging?" Lynn snorted condescendingly. Luna looked indignant.
"Now, kids, let's not make baseless accusations."
"Then why are you just assuming Kathleen's trying to pull a fast one? Maybe you're unfairly discriminating her?"
An enraged Luan slammed her hand into the table. "Have you even been listening to anything I said, you two-faced skank!"
"Luan?" her father gasped. Lincoln covered Lucy's ears again. "I heard it both times." The goth said.
"Y'know what? I'm outta here. You people are seriously harshing my mellow." Luna stood up.
"Fine by me, traitor." Luan spat. "Good riddance."
"Girls, please." Their father tried to ease the tension.
"Luan's right, if she ain't any help let her go." Lynn agreed. Luna glared at her. Lincoln and Lucy stayed quiet.
"Way to be supportive, Moon Girl." Ryan snarked and leaned closer to her with an inquisitive look. "Say, why do they call you Luna? That name feels ill-suite for you. I mean, you're a musician, right? Not an aspiring astronomer? Do you want to be an astronaut? Or do you just have a weird fascination with the moon?"
"I had enough." A bitter Luna turned away and stormed off.
"What?" Ryan turned to the rest innocently. "It was an honest question?"
"The nerve of some people….." Luan grumbled, watching the rocker go.
"Now, Luan. It's not nice to gang up on people." Her father lectured her. "That goes for all of you. Luna has a fair point."
"How?" an irritated Lynn asked.
"She's right that Kathleen might be sincere. I'm not saying I believe that but we have no way to prove right now that she has any ulterior motives. Innocent until proven guilty. If you berate someone without any evidence to back up your claims you could easily come off as the unreasonable one."
Lincoln slouched, knowing his father was right. Luan, Lynn, Lucy and Ryan didn't share that sentiment.
"So what? Sometimes you gotta follow your gut." Lynn countered. "It's not like you need a reason to ignore somebody and give them a wide berth? You're not gonna let the girls pal around with Kathleen, are ya? Remember! Be assertive!"
"Yes, assert your authority. They'll thank you for it in the long run." Lincoln concurred.
"I'm willing to believe you kids, honest." Lynn Sr. reassured them. "I'm just worried that we'll come off as spiteful and condescending by refuting her hospitality."
"So what? She might be loaded but Kathy's still only thirteen? And you're a grownup." Ryan shrugged.
"Yeah, parents forbid their kids from making friends with other kids all the time, and they rarely give any good reason for it." Lynn added.
Lynn Sr. didn't know if he should be offended by that. "Now, kids, that's not exactly how it works. You can't just keep your kids from making new friends if you don't have a solid reason to distrust-"
"You have your reasons, dad. Our testimony." Lynn pointed out. "Just say your kids are off-limits, you don't have to give a reason for it, you're a grownup!"
"Just say you're on the fence about trusting someone like Kathleen, given her record." Lincoln suggested.
The man debated about it and glanced to his left to see the look of pain in Luan's eyes. Despite his reservations about doing something rash, he understood their reason. If four of his kids were openly mistrustful of someone with a proven seedy past, what kind of a father wouldn't take their warnings to heart?
"Okay, I'll have a talk with Rita. After the hotel blocked her calls I'm sure she won't think too kindly of the Tisdales either. Plus, I'm sure Lori, Leni and twins don't need to be spoiled more than they already are." He smiled sympathetically.
"After all, you kids went above and beyond to help me secure my dream job; I owe you one." He added.
The kids looked at each other and smiled with relief. They just hoped it would get Kathleen out of their hair for good.
Just then, they heard Rita calling. "Honey? Are you in here?" the tired and disheveled mother entered the kitchen, carrying her purse. "What's with the meeting?" she questioned.
"Rita, you're back from the bank?" her husband smiled.
"Yes but never mind that." She rambled tiredly. "What's with the giant truck in front of our house, they say they're looking for you?"
Lynn Sr. blinked. "Say what?"
Once outside, they were all gobsmacked to find a massive delivery truck parked in the family's driveway, where a smaller but still enormous package had been brought out by the deliverymen.
"Lynn Loud Sr.?" one of them approached the father with a confirmation form.
"Eh…yes?"
"Sign here please?"
Ryan cocked an eyebrow. "What did he call your dad?" he asked the girl with whom he associated the name.
"What is that package? I didn't order anything?" Lynn Sr. questioned before looking at the kids. "Did one of you?"
They all shook their heads. "Nope, not as far as I know." Lincoln shrugged.
"It's a gift for the Loud family." The deliveryman explained, suppressing a snicker and trying to say that surname with a straight face. "Compliments of Kathleen Tisdale."
"Her?" Luan's face darkened. "What did she send?"
"Open it up boys." The deliveryman told his colleagues, who each grabbed a side of the cardboard box and opened it, revealing a brand new van with a glossy paint job, that left the family and even Ryan agape.
"That's a g-gift…for us?" Rita asked incredulously.
"Yes, ma'am, now will you please sign the form. We don't have all day."
Rita elbowed her husband in the flank. "C'mon, dear, let's not disregard the girl's generosity."
After regaining his sense, her husband shook his head. "I'm sorry but we can't accept this gift."
"What?" Rita eyed him viciously.
"Y'see, we already have a van and we can't just replace it." Lynn Sr. turned it down politely. "Why, Vanzilla is practically part of the family."
"Lynn….sign the form." Rita hissed demandingly. "What did I tell you about not looking a gift horse in the mouth?"
Her husband pouted. "But, honey, I can't just replace Vanzilla?"
"Lynn, that rust bucket hasn't been functioning properly for years." His wife pointed out. "Sign!"
The man pouted. "But it's a family heirloom, passed down from my father, who got it from his father, who in term got it from his-"
Rita rolled her eyes. "You can keep that tin can if you're feeling sentimental. But our family desperately needs a vehicle that can actually do its freaking job, and my car isn't big enough for that. Now sign!" She barked.
Lynn Sr. gulped and obeyed her. "Eh…fair point."
"What?" Luan looked appalled. "You can't accept a gift purchased by the enemy!" But it was too late as the new van was now in her father's possession. The truck soon drove away while Luna rushed downstairs and joined them.
"Wow, when did we order a replacement for dad's old jalopy, dudes?"
"I feel unclean accepting this gift." Lucy said hoarsely.
Lincoln tried to force a small smile. "Eh…..at least mom's happy?" he said to Lynn, who sent him an unamused look.
"So this is what a functional van feels like?" Rita marveled as she sat in the driver's seat and started the engine. He husband sent her a mildly annoyed glare.
"Maybe I was too hasty in wishing death upon those Tisdales." Rita admitted sheepishly.
Fuming like a steaming pot, Luna cried furiously and stormed away into the house.
"Luan, wait!" Lincoln called after her but flinched as she slammed the door shut and slouched dejectedly.
"Yeesh, some folks just can't let go of a grudge." Luna remarked while shaking her head before darting off to check out their new van. "Hey, pops, lemme see!"
"Look, dear. A muffin basket?" Rita was suddenly holding a big one, which had been left in the van.
"Cranberry orange muffins with chocolate chips? My favorite!" Lynn Sr. grew teary-eyes and found a letter in the basket.
"A small token of appreciation for an honest, hard-working model citizen, magnificent chef and loving father and husband? Love, Kathleen Juliette Tisdale?"
"This is revolting!" Lynn lamented. "Kathleen's already buttering up mom and dad with the promise of a real car and muffins!"
"She's already gaining the upper hand without even being present. Getting rid of her won't be a cinch." Ryan shook his head. "She obviously plans to spare no expenses winning this war."
"People with money always win the wars." Lincoln noted grimly.
They heard a furious cry from the upper floor and saw several comedy props being flung out of the wind, one set of chatter teeth flying into Mr. Grouse's backyard.
"OW! Louds! You'll pay for that!"
"I think she's upset." Ryan deadpanned as the four looked up.
"Sigh. I'll go talk to Luan and try to calm her down." Lucy volunteered.
"You do that." Lincoln nodded before looking up again. "But I have a sneaking suspicion she won't be smiling today."
"Just remember, whatever you three planned to tell me, I wanna hear it." Lucy told them firmly. "No lying, no dodging the truth, no twisting facts. The truth. And by the end of the day, we will tell mom and dad about Lyle."
With that, she ran into the house. "She better believe us…for her sake." Lynn clenched her fists.
"Somehow I think that will be the least of our worries." Lincoln mused, looking back at the van.
"We can try and dismantle it in the dead of night." Ryan suggested half-seriously.
"That might not be a bad idea." Lynn huffed. "I'd rather spend the rest of my days pushing Vanzilla around than accept a pity gift from the enemy."
"Let's not go that far." Lincoln disagreed. "We were handed this gift, might as well make use of it, regardless of how we acquired it."
"Meh…..I'm all for pragmatism." Ryan quipped. "A free present is still a free present."
Lynn crossed her arms. "Wimps. I'll never a ride in that thing for as long as I live!"
All of a sudden, they heard a honk and saw a sleek, red jaguar with an open roof driving towards them. It parked in front of them, earning the attention of the parents and Luna as well, who peeked out of the van.
Wearing shades, Lori was in the driver's seat, a sleeping Leni slouching in the passenger seat, a crabby Lola sat cross-armed in the back with a sleeping Lana, still dressed in camo, next to her, holding what looked like a bird cage.
The eldest Loud stepped out of the car, carrying a smug smile as she spotted Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan gawking at her. They were quickly joined by an awestruck Luna.
"Hello, twerps, feel free to be envious of my awesome new car." She boasted smugly.
Ryan snorted and turned to his two compatriots. "Called it."
"Who cares!" Lola cried and kicked the door open. "I'm very upset! Don't anyone bother me!" she screamed as she stormed past them.
"What's her deal?" Lincoln asked.
"Pffft….she's just being a drama queen, as usual." Lori scoffed. "Her beauty pageant has been called off because the main judge guy was mugged or something, and now he's like traumatized and stuff."
Lynn and Ryan exchanged knowing smiles.
Cliff jumped out of the car next, looking rather happy, and strolled past them. A big pink bow was wrapped around his neck, with a strong odor of lavender emanating from his nicely groomed and now curlier fur.
"Sweet ride, brah." A mesmerized Luna tried to touch the hood, only for Lori to viciously swat her hand away.
"Hands off!" she warned her. "Don't any of you twerps put your greasy little paws on the paint job, or you're dead! And that's no idle threat!"
"Lori, no threatening your siblings' lives over material possessions." Their father scolded her as he and their mother arrived, utterly awestruck.
"Ah, I see you've received Veronica?" Lori smiled.
"Veronica?" Lynn Sr. blinked.
"That's her name."
"Who name's a vehicle "Veronica"?" Ryan snorted. "Who names a vehicle period?"
"That's also our car?" Rita clutched her head in disbelief, looking at the jaguar.
"It's my car." Lori clarified in a firm tone. "But I suppose if need be, you and dad can borrow it sometime. But only in serious emergencies!" she explained, holding her index finger up.
She did not expect her mother to faint, prompting their father to catch her from behind.
"Well, I'm happy for you Lori." Lynn Sr. smiled. "Saves me a couple of hundred bucks too."
"Eh…I better whisk your mother off to bed; she had a long and restless night." He told them as he dragged his wife towards the front door.
"Eh, Luna? Would you mind bringing those delicious muffins to our room?"
Massaging her aching hand, Luna rolled her eyes and obeyed. "Sure thing, pops."
Lori shook her head and looked at the trio. "Well, lemme just tell you something. You twerps sure missed out on the chance of a lifetime. But it's not too late to swallow your pride and come crawling back to ask Kathleen for her forgiveness."
"Sorry, we wanna keep our dignity." Lynn retorted smartly.
Lori narrowed her eyes. "Pffftt…jealous much?"
"Of a petty braggart, as if." Lynn snarked.
Lori smirked. "Hypocrite much?"
"Ha, at least when I boast it's because I've earned it!" Lynn huffed. "Every trophy I brought home I've earned fair and square, I didn't get them as handouts from my folks or my overworked boyfriends."
"Buuuuurned." Ryan laughed, agitating Lori even more so.
"Why are those two snoozing?" Ryan deadpanned, referring to Leni and Lana.
"What do I care?" Lori scoffed loudly. "And I don't communicate with vulgar scumbags like you, Ryan."
"But you just did." The boy smirked, earning a vicious glare from her. Lynn whooped in approval and high-fived him, angering her sister even more.
"Wut? Where am I?" Lana woke up and yawned, still clutching her cage. Once she saw her siblings, her face lit up and she flaunted the cage. "Guys! Look what I found."
Lori rolled her eyes when her phone rang. "Awwww…..it's my Honey Bunny!" she cooed reading the number, making the others shiver and gag.
"Nobody touch the car." She hissed and walked away. She stopped to make a "watching you" gesture before moving on.
"Guys, meet Sasha and Stan! They're a family of snipes!" Lana darted towards them and held up the cage, which contained a female and male snipe, guarding their nest of eggs. The birds flapped their wings in fright.
"Lana, where did you get those?" Lincoln asked.
"Duh, by the creek, you saw them there!"
"What are you talking about?" Lincoln made a face.
"And why did you cage those straw-beaks? Don't you have enough pets?" Lynn deadpanned.
"They're not pets; they're stragglers I've rescued! I'm gonna take care of them until they're well again."
"They look perfectly fine to me." Ryan observed. Lana pouted, still not feeling particularly forgiving over him bagging her or holding her upside down.
"What do you know! I'm helping them!"
"By plucking them out of their natural environment and locking them up in a tiny cage?" Ryan snorted.
Lana's face scrunched up, and with an annoyed grunt she stormed past them.
Ryan let out a series of tuts. "It's all fun and games until the animal gets cuddled to death. I propose we free the birds while she's not looking?"
"Since when were you a friend to all creatures, big and small?" Lincoln deadpanned.
"I'm not, I just don't like watching others suffer thanks to someone's stupidity." He shrugged. "Unless it amuses me."
The trio returned to Lincoln's room, the former sitting on his bed, the other two on the floor, with Ryan leaning against the wall and resting on his hands.
Lynn yawned and stretched her arms. She really felt like taking a snooze for a few more hours, but knew she couldn't. Blink and one of her sisters might demolish the living room.
"So what's on today's agenda?" Ryan asked lazily.
"We need to initiate Lucy, that should take priority. If she spills the beans everything could get compromised." Lincoln explained.
"And Kathleen seems to be wining mom's heart with that van, maybe even dad's. The muffins were a sly trick." Lynn added.
"The way into a guy's heart is through his stomach." Ryan shrugged.
"And you're obliged to tell Luan something, if I'm not mistaken?" Lynn shot him a dirty glare, making his aloof demeanor melt away.
"About that…." He fidgeted "…..Luan's in a bad place right now, I don't think it's the right time."
"Oh…..are we feeling yellow now?" Lynn sniped. "You're not man enough to "dump" the third wheel?"
"Excuse me for not wanting to crush her." Ryan snarked back. "Screwing over some randoe? That would be just fine, but Luan? I like this "making friends" thing and I don't want her to hate me."
Lynn grew a deadpan look. "A little late for that, ain't it? It's your fault you're in this mess, Casanova! If you weren't such a flirt-"
"Lynn." Lincoln interjected. "I think he has a point."
"I do?" Ryan looked at him. "I mean-of course I do!"
Lincoln glared at him, unamused. "Luan's feeling pretty crummy right now, let's not make it any worst. I say we postpone it for the moment, at least until Lucy has been properly initiated and we can be certain she won't rat us out. Luan's gonna be upset either way, but it's better if we don't stir up too much drama all at once."
Ryan sighed with relief, while Lynn sulked irritably.
"Fine, but if I maim her in a fit of jealous rage, that's on you boys!" Lynn folded her arms.
"I'm touched, Lynn." Ryan smirked.
"So what do you think we're gonna have to tangle with today?" Lynn turned to her brother.
"Lucy for one thing and we still need to separate our sisters from Kathleen for good." Lincoln started. "But knowing this home, anything could happen at any moment."
"Can't you remember what happened on this date?" Ryan asked.
"We ain't supercomputers who catalog every single disaster that happened here." Lynn countered sardonically. "We weren't counting on going back in time."
"There are so frequent, and many of them happen at once." Lincoln added. "Nobody could keep track of them all."
"Then why don't you try recalling the most destructive ones?" Ryan mused. "They should take up priority."
"Good point." Lincoln agreed and went to rummage under the clothes rod, rolling out a chart board from the row of identical orange polo shirts. It had a simple table database written on it, with five categories labeled: fixing marriage, fixing sisters, damage control, setbacks and future disasters.
"You made that?" Lynn asked.
"Who else? Someone has to keep track of progress." Lincoln shrugged and grabbed a marker and started writing in the "damage control" category.
"We can safely call Operation Fine Cosine a success." Lincoln wrote that down and circled it for empathies, while Lynn rolled her eyes at the name. Knowing his sci-fi, Lincoln theorized that such a major change as their father now owning the restaurant he was originally denied could plant the seeds for some big changes in the new timeline, hopefully for the better.
"Plus, we've safely retrieved the missing money, even if it was partially our fault it got lost in the first place." Lincoln noted somberly but still wrote it down under "fixing marriage".
"Speak for yourself." Ryan huffed, showing off his bandaged palms. "And I lost some high-tech ninja gear helping you."
"Hey, how's this our fault that our sisters are nincompoops?" Lynn asked indignantly. "Dial back the guilt complex, man!"
"Lynn! Where are you?" They heard Rita in the hallway.
"What now?" Lynn grumbled as she opened the door and rushed into the hallway. "What is it, mom?"
Rita was startled and turned around. "Oh no, not you, sweetie." She chuckled. "I was looking for your father, we gotta talk about where to park Veronica. Maybe he's in the basement?" she looked downstairs.
"Oh, okay then." Lynn nodded and went back to close the door.
"I hate pointless interruptions." She grumbled as she sat next to Ryan, who sniggered. "What's so funny?"
"Having two people in the family share the same name isn't very practical, eh?" Ryan quipped. "Y'know, isn't naming your child after yourself also super-narcissistic?"
"Hey! I love my awesome name and wouldn't change it for anything." Lynn huffed proudly.
Ryan was unmoved and turned to Lincoln. "Say, pipsqueak? Why weren't you named after your dad? You are his only son?"
Lincoln groaned, seeing no point to this discussion. "What do I know? I wasn't even born yet when she was named."
"Dad says there was a mix-up when I was born." Lynn shrugged. "And even after they cleared that up, dad must have figured that after five tries he wasn't gonna get a son period and went with it. But two years later he was hit with a healthy dose of irony."
"Really?" Ryan chuckled. "And you got stuck with a dorky name as a result of it?" he pointed at the annoyed Lincoln. "I mean, what kind of a name is Lincoln? Isn't that one of your dead presidents? The stringy one with the weird goat beard and top hat whose mug you always see on pennies?"
"For your information, I take nothing but pride in that." Lincoln huffed. "Abraham Lincoln was a great man! That guy led America during its bloodiest war and biggest moral and political crisis, liberated the slaves, modernized U.S economy, strengthened the government and was born in a log cabin which he built with his own two hands."
"How precious." Ryan cooed mockingly and cupped his face. "You stayed awake during history class!" Lincoln seethed.
"Quit the history lesson." Lynn groaned and got up. "Lemme see the chart."
She walked up to him and only saw the names Lucy and Luan (with a big question mark) listed under "fixing sisters". "We haven't made much progress with our sisters, have we?"
"No…" Lincoln sighed "…admittedly that could have gone better so far."
"It's not like Spooky needed any fixing to begin with." Ryan shrugged.
"On the other hand, we had much more success with damage control and helping mom and dad patch things up." Lincoln perked up a bit and pointed at their various accomplishments.
"We got rid of the DeMonet letter, we helped around the house, we're encouraging dad to be more assertive, we got our folks to go on their first date in an eternity, we secured dad's funding for his restaurant and we retrieved the lost money."
"Not too shabby." Lynn smiled but it soon faltered as she glanced at the "setbacks" section where she read "Prankmageddon still happened" and "another civil war?"
"Unfortunately, the setbacks have multiplied." She said grimly and snatched the marker from Lincoln. She grabbed the sponge and erased the second entry and wrote "worst sibling war yet brewing up?" in its place. Lincoln grimaced, but his sister was far from done and quickly added more issues.
"Family in Kathleens evil clutches"
"Lyle want revenge"
"One Eye still on the loose"
"Lucy stinking tattletale"
Lincoln glared at her and she shrugged haughtily. "What? We gotta be thorough."
They heard their mother calling for their father again and tried to ignore it. "She won't tattletale on anyone, Lynn, relax. She'll be on our side once she learns the truth." Lincoln reassured his sister.
"Yup, the bigger problem will be riding ourselves of Kathleen." Ryan noted lazily. "And that won't be easy with her cash flow still going."
"I'm sure cooler heads will prevail and mom and dad will agree to keep the girls and Kathleen far apart." Lincoln tried to stay optimistic.
"Lynn? Didn't you hear me?" Rita barged in, startling them.
"Mom, what is it?" the jock asked nervously as she and Lincoln hid the chart behind them.
Rita glared at her daughter and held up a mold-infested piece of cloth. "How many times do I have to tell you not to leave your stuff lying around?"
"What the hell is that?!" Ryan scooted away in fright, worrying that the thing was contagious.
Lincoln looked horrified and covered his eyes. "My eyes!" he cried.
Lynn blushed madly, recognizing the moldy cloth as one of her jockstraps.
"Mom!" she screamed and pushed her mother back into the hall. "Not in front of them!"
Rita shook her head. "I found this in the basement and I'm gonna have to dispose of this. You and I need to have a serious discussion about tidiness, young lady." With that she left, leaving her daughter to process the shock and slowly calm down.
Lynn soon walked back in and sighed with relief.
"Y'know, Linky, maybe having your own lame name is still preferable to sharing one with your old man." Ryan quipped. "Causes far less confusion."
"You're so considerate." Lincoln deadpanned.
Lynn felt relieved that neither were wiser about the identity of the moldy cloth and regained her vigor fast. "Whatever, it's only with mom and Pop-Pop, I can deal with that."
"Enough banter, any idea on how to remember any upcoming disasters?"
"We'll have to do a lot of reflecting and hope it comes back to us." Lincoln replied to her while pushing back the chart behind his shirts. "With all the fuss and chaos that went on here during this summer alone, it won't be easy remembering all, let alone placing them in a linear order."
"Well, one thing's clear, we gotta up our ante if we wanna babysit the bimbos." Ryan said. "We gotta be especially careful about where we let them go."
Lincoln wished he had focused on that earlier and weakly nodded.
"Sheep need a shepherd, that's a fact." Lynn agreed. "I mean, Lana and Leni could have bumped into One Eye while on their dumb snipe hunt if we hadn't bumped into him first."
Lincoln shuddered at the thought. "The squirt sure is like a magnet for wild animals, or more precisely, they're a magnet for her." Ryan groaned.
"Let's find Lucy, we gotta talk with her now." Lincoln said.
"I hope we can get her away from Luan, she's probably still upset."
"In that case, you might as well whisk her away and talk about certain things." Lynn "suggested".
"Lynn, we talked about this. Let it go for now…." Lincoln reminded his sister as they first checked her and Lucy's room, but found it empty.
"They must be in your room then?" Lincoln figured as they changed direction only to bump into someone.
"Bobby…that's awful…." Lori spoke in an oddly reserved tone before noticing the trio and resuming her usual demeanor. "Get out of my sight, you pests!" she yelled and even swatted her arm at them.
"Hey, what's the big idea?" Lynn protested, while Lincoln stepped back, noticing something off about his oldest sister. He had seen Lori angry plenty before but something about her anger here felt different.
"Oh, no, sweetie….just give me a sec." Lori softly spoke into her phone before facing them. "I said get out of my way!" she hissed dangerously.
Unsurprisingly, Lynn didn't take her attitude well. "You can't tell me where to go, this is my home too!" she jammed her thumb into her chest.
"I'm serious, twerp! I'm so not in the mood for your shit." Lori warned them in an icy tone.
"Oh, boo-hoo." Lynn mocked her. "Heaven forbid if you can't chat with your dimwit boyfriend for five minutes." Lori froze and her face darkened. Lincoln felt unnerved; he had never seen a death glare from the Queen of Mean that was this intense.
"Uhhhhhhh..." Ryan quipped. "That's gotta hurt."
"Lynn, let's just go-"
"Yeesh, you get a new sports car gift-wrapped for you and your bitch switch is already on again? I think that thing finally got jammed."
"Need some cream for that burn?" Ryan snickered. Lori was absolutely livid now. Lynn expected Lori to lash out and throw a world-class tantrum, but what happened next came as a shock to all of them.
"Lemme go! I'll teach that cunt some manners!" Lynn cried while being forced to sit down on her bed with Ryan and Lincoln holding her arms so she wouldn't do something she would regret.
"Calm down, LJ, and take this." Lynn Sr. walked into the room, carrying an ice pack which he offered to his daughter to hold up to her shiner.
After finally cooling down, Lynn sulked and snatched it, pressing it against her swollen eye.
"Now will you please tell me what happened there?" her father asked her, somewhat sternly but also displaying a lot of worry.
Lynn grew nervous and debated answering, as did Lincoln. They both feared this stunt would get Lynn grounded. This hadn't been an all-out fight per say, as Lori had managed to hold herself back after delivering the first blow and stormed off while the boys restrained the livid Lynn from escalating it, as she no doubt would have in the heat of the moment.
"I'll tell you what happened." Ryan gladly took the opportunity. "That maniac appeared in the hall yelling at us go away because apparently she has booked the place for an afternoon of nonstop chatting with her cutie patootie!" he explained, sounding genuinely offended.
"And when Lynn called her out on it and made a crack about her inability to tear herself away from her blasted phone for five minutes, Blondy went berserk and attacked her."
The father's shoulders slumped and he sighed dejectedly. "Sounds like you kids wound up in the wrong place in the wrong time…"
Lynn wasn't sure what he meant by that, and worried she was in hot water.
"I don't know how you can meet her at the right time." Ryan deadpanned indignantly. "Who in their right mind spends a night at a luxury hotel and then gets a brand new car but is still cranky enough an hour later to assault someone over a simple insult?"
"Dad, am I in trouble?" Lynn asked him upfront.
"You can't do that, sir." Ryan defended her. "Lynn just called her out on her crap, and that ill-tempered loon lost it. She's the one who should be punished!"
"He's right, dad. I saw it too; Lori had no reason to resort to violence." Lincoln stood up for his sister. "And I think there's something wrong with her, she seemed quite upset."
"You're not in trouble, LJ." Lynn Sr. clarified, much to his namesake's relief. "And you're right, son." He turned to Lincoln.
"I am? What's her deal?" he asked inquisitively.
Their father sighed, looking very uncomfortable. "I know Lori acted out of line but please…..try to forgive her, she wasn't thinking straight at that moment."
"When does she ever think straight?" Lynn thought snidely. "So what's gotten her so riled up? Did that Carol girl show up with an even more expensive jaguar?"
Her father's face hardened a bit. "Kids, this is no laughing matter." He told them seriously. Seeing their confused expressions, he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Is this one of those things that we're not old enough to hear about?" Ryan shrugged.
"No, it's not-ugh…." Lynn Sr. grew a bit agitated and massaged his forehead. "She got a call from Bobby and…..something happened."
Caught off guard, Lincoln and Lynn looked at each other. "Wh….what happened to him, dad?" the boy asked with concern.
"Nothing to him….but he's pretty devastated right now, as is his family." Their dad explained dejectedly before dropping a bomb. "They have relatives in Great Lake City and…there was a vehicular accident. His uncle and cousin didn't make it."
The siblings were stunned into silence, their eyes going wide.
"They died in a car crash?" Ryan asked, less shocked and more just surprised by the news. Lynn Sr. just nodded.
Lincoln tried to digest those news. "How…eh...the poor guy." He looked down.
Lynn looked at him somberly, remembering how she came this close to losing him the previous night. She might not have known Bobby well, but nobody deserved to lose family members.
"That…that's terrible." She said simply, not knowing what else to say to that?
Her father nodded feebly. "I hope now you understand why Lori is upset too, learning about Bobby's situation didn't sit well with her."
"So Blondy can feel for someone else?" Ryan thought, genuinely surprised. He really didn't think Lori cared much about that guy beyond just the physical stuff.
"Well….this is very awkward." Her rubbed his neck.
"I know this isn't something you want to talk about, and I won't bother you about it." Lynn Sr. said understandably. "I just ask of you to give Lori a wide berth for now until she pulls herself together. This is nothing you youngsters need to concern yourselves about. She'll be heading off with Bobby to give him comfort soon…."
Lynn and Lincoln silently nodded, not knowing what to make of it.
"I'll leave you kids alone, me and Rita have to straighten something out." Their father tried to excuse himself. Then something hit Lincoln and soon enough Lynn as well. Something about this felt oddly familiar.
"What's that?" Lincoln asked. "Dad…..are you going to the…."
"Lori is." Their father reluctantly answered. "From what I understand, it takes place tomorrow. She'll leave today."
That's what Lincoln worried he would say. "What about you and mom? I mean….eh…."
His father looked uncomfortable at the question. "I….eh….it's not quite clear."
"How come? Are you going or not?" Lynn asked.
"I…eh…" the man sighed. "While Lori was talking with Bobby, Maria asked her if me and Rita would come to….eh….pay our respects and Lori said we would. We would of course come but….eh….Great Lake City is miles away, it would take us hours to drive there and back, and we can't just leave you kids alone."
The siblings looked at each other uneasily, once again feeling like they were experiencing a déjà vu.
"That would be a recipe for disaster…." Lynn grimaced. Their father silently nodded.
"That's why we're reluctant to go. But don't worry about this. This is not your concern, kids. Me and Rita will straighten everything out." Their father said quickly, pretending like everything was under control.
"Well….if you say so." Lincoln feigned believing him.
"Don't worry, son. I'm sorry we had to ruin your day with such terrible news."
"It's nothing, dad." Lynn said awkwardly. "We know bad things like this tend to happen."
Their father nodded sadly, and without further discussion left the room, leaving the kids in total silence.
"Talk about mood whiplash…." Ryan commented. The siblings looked at him, not angry or anything, but as uncertain about what to make to this as he was.
Lynn just nodded before slowly looking at her brother. "Lynn, does this feel familiar to you?" he asked her.
"Yes, it really jogged my memory."
"Eh….mind filling me in…again?" Ryan asked.
"Last…eh I mean this…eh…we remember how mom and dad along with Lori went to Great Lake City saying they were "guests of honor" at Bobby's family reunion there. They stayed there and didn't return until the next day, not until sundown if I recall?" Lynn explained to him.
Ryan quickly caught on. "Oh….but I guess that was just a cover story? Why would a family reunion have "guests of honor" who aren't part of the family?"
"Obviously…." Lincoln replied sullenly, still trying to process such grim news.
"Yeah, we weren't itching to get acquainted with Bobby's family or for a long, boring car trip so we didn't think much of it." Lynn added.
"And you guys stayed?"
"Of course we did, and it's not hard to see why?" Lynn said grimly. "Who would want to bring the Loud kids to a funeral? That has "bad idea" written all over it."
"They called a babysitting agency to find someone to look after us while they were gone. I think his name was Hugh?" Lincoln elaborated.
"And lemme guess? It went badly?" Ryan asked rhetorically.
"We sent him packing by the end of the day." Lincoln said shamefully. "You can imagine how."
"It didn't help that Leni, Luna and Luan went gaga over him and stalked his ass all day." Lynn deadpanned. Lincoln nodded, that Hugh guy was quite a stud to be fair.
"And what happened while you were left unsupervised?" The siblings shrank uncomfortably at the question.
"You don't want to talk about it? Gotcha." Ryan understood and gave them an "okay" sign, knowing the drill by now.
Lynn sighed. "Now it's gonna happen all over again."
"Unless we can do something about it." Lincoln pondered.
"Yeah, about that?" Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. "Don't wanna sound like a jerk, but I think there's an easy solution to this: convince your folks not to go? Just remind them of the obvious shitstorm that's destined to ensue if they leave you with some randoe who has no idea what he's in for."
"Ryan, they're not gonna listen. You can't just promise to come to a funeral and then change your mind, that's…..just not right." Lynn disagreed. "They're already worried about leaving us behind but they're stuck between a rock and hard place."
"Dad has strong moral principles when it comes to things like that." Lincoln added. "I don't think he could look at himself in the mirror again if he did something that scummy."
"So what then? Are we gonna team up with that Hugh guy and keep everyone on a leash? Cuz last time we tried to babysit your sisters they fell into Kathleen's clutches, and the time before that they turned into zombies." Ryan deadpanned.
"He's right, bro. Our track record of keeping them in line hasn't been stellar, as the chart shows." Lynn said dejectedly, still holding the ice pack to her aching eye.
Lincoln looked down and started pondering. If only they could find a tough babysitter who could whip the girls into shape?
"There's got to be a solution to this? If we could only find someone with the right amount of grit and authority to keep them in line?"
Lynn laughed a little. "Most of my coaches would fit that criteria, but I doubt they do babysitting."
"So we need someone real hardcore for the job?" Ryan mused.
"Yeah, but who do we know who could possibly handle such a daunting task?" Lincoln wondered.
Ryan exhaled. "Well…..I might know the right person for the job?"
"Who?" the siblings asked eagerly.
Ryan shook his head, not looking very enthusiastic about his own idea. "But you're not gonna like her."
"Is this a bad joke?" Renee deadpanned while reading a library lend out of Les Misérables in her bed, lying on her belly.
Ryan, Lynn and Lincoln were standing in front of her with Lynn Sr. begging her on his knees.
"Please reconsider, Renee? Me and my wife don't have a lot of options on such short notice. Your brother has recommended you for this task. He says you were the most sought after babysitter in your home town?"
"Of course I was." She shrugged casually. "As that article over there proves."
The Louds looked at a framed local newspaper article standing on the nightstand, which showed a slightly younger Renee posing for the camera with a trio of proper-looking and well-dressed toddlers bowing for the cameraman, with the headline "Renee Taylor, The Hero Who Tamed The Terrible Turner Triplets".
"Those brats reportedly sent twenty previous babysitters packing after one afternoon, one even allegedly wound up at the nuthouse just to escape them." Ryan explained. "But then my sister took up the challenge, and that picture shows the final results."
He felt his pride getting immensely soiled praising his sister.
"It was a walk in the parks. Like all animals, they only act tough while they still think that you're scared of them." Renee remarked idly, flipping a page.
"Then why not spread your wings and reestablish your reputation in your new home?" Lynn Sr. tried to encourage her. "Taking care of ten kids at once would surely be a very good first impression for all your potential future clients?"
Renee thought about it and rubbed her chin. "Considering your families' reputation, it would undoubtedly be impeccable PR for re-launching a new lucrative business, like the one I ran in Cape Town."
Lynn Sr. could hear the condescension in her tone but swallowed his pride, as he needed her. Lynn was less subtle and shook like a brewing volcano.
Renee pushed herself up and sat on the bed to properly face her client, her expression stone-cold. "Mr. Loud, let's say I agreed to this job, you would pay me?"
Lynn Sr. gulped. "Why…of course. I'm about to open my own restaurant. If you do this favor for me, you and your brother will get to eat there on the house for a month!" Ryan facepalmed behind him.
"No." Renee said flatly. "If that's your best offer then please stop wasting my time. I want to catch up on my Victor Hugo."
The man started sweating. "But I'm a really good cook and I-"
"Mr. Loud, I'm not a child operating a lemonade stand. I'm a professional businesswoman who always does the best at what is requested of her….for a price." Renee clarified sternly.
"She means money, sir." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Lotsa money."
Lynn Sr. gulped, dreading that very word which he had tried so desperately to avoid bringing up in this conversation. "Money…..?" he whimpered.
"Yes, money is the general currency used to repay other people's labor." Renee explained slowly, sounding like she was lecturing a child.
"Enough beating around the bush, bookworm, just name your stinking price?" Ryan cut to the chase.
"Hmmm…." Renee pondered. "For how long will you be gone?"
"Well…eh it takes five hours to drive to Great Lake City and back… or so. I would say by tomorrow evening at the latest?"
"That would be roughly thirty-three hours of nonstop supervision of your nine children, which would involve me staying over for the night, plus me cocking for them, possibly taking them out for a walk…..hmm….that would three hundred dollars."
"Three hundred dollars?!" Lynn Sr. freaked out and clutched his hair. "B-But…that's robbery!"
"That's shrewd business practice, sir." Renee stated, unmoved. "You do realize that the task you request of me isn't your standard "taking care of two to three children" for an afternoon routine? My payment must match my efforts."
"Why you rotten, little, penny-pinching swindler!" Lynn snapped.
"And you're daughter's attitude just demonstrated why I will only tangle with such misbehaved brats if the money I earn from it will be worth my while, and the nerves I've lost."
She cast Lynn another glance. "And are black eyes a common occurrence among your daughters?"
"Well…eh…..somewhat?" Lynn Sr. admitted sheepishly.
The jock grinded her teeth with fury. Ryan came over to offer her comfort. "Just ignore her, Lynn. You look cute with that shiner too. Shows you mean business." Lynn grew a weak smile.
"I don't think this was a good idea." Lincoln whispered. "She's gonna send our folks to the poor house."
"If you want the best you must pay for the best." Ryan retorted simply. "Trust me, she's the right man for the job, as much as it hurts me to admit it."
Lynn Sr. looked at his wristwatch, growing more worried with each second ticking by.
"That's an insanely high price, I'm….."
"I'm not forcing you into anything, sir." Renee shrugged while looking at the fingernails. "My business motto has always been "take it or leave it"."
"I'd say go for it, Mr. L." Ryan came up to him. "She's the best option you have, I doubt those saps from some babysitting agency would last a day at your home."
Lynn Sr. gulped and fidgeted nervously.
"Do we have a deal then?" Renee asked indifferently.
"Alright! Alright! I'll pay you, just please promise me you'll do your job? My children are quite a handful and I just hope you know what you're in for?"
"I have a vague idea and I'm always up for a challenge. Sign this." Renee suddenly held a contract and offered it to him. "You may read it first."
"It says that the sitter is liable to return the money to their client if the client is dissatisfied with their performance?"
"That won't be an issue, Mr. Loud, under my supervision, you won't find as much as a single dent on your walls once you return."
After some debating, Lynn Sr. gave in and signed it. Renee immediately took it and rolled it up.
"Very well, I shall arrive once you and your wife are ready to leave. Of course, the contract likewise stipulates that in the absence of you and your spouse I am the official head of my client's household, the one who's entitled to enforce the rules and your children will answer to me should they violate any of the rules."
"What?" the siblings panicked.
"Wait, what?" the father blurted.
"Mr. Loud, I assume you read every clause of the contract until the end." Renee shrugged. "But you needn't worry; every one of my rules is purely there to enforce the proper disciplinary measures required for ensuring a safe and orderly environment where I can supervise your children."
Lynn Sr. swallowed a lump. "Of course I did, why wouldn't I?" he fidgeted sheepishly.
"You don't need to worry, you can go and pay your respects to your departed comrades, I'll keep your home in order and your children in line."
"Well….I guess that's all." Lynn Sr. shifted awkwardly. "Now, you kids behave and listen to your babysitter while I'm gone, I have to go and prepare for the trip now."
"Yes, dad." Lincoln and Lynn nodded, the former uneasily and the latter begrudgingly.
"Well, I should be going. Renee, we expect you in two hours."
"I'm always punctual." She nodded. Lynn Sr. said his goodbyes and left.
Renee shifted her gaze at her brother. "What's with your hands?"
"Had an accident with the tea kettle." He shrugged, hiding them behind his back.
"Figures. And why would you of all people recommend me for a job?" she asked coldly. "Seems highly suspect."
"I ain't got no ulterior motive, don't go crazy paranoid." Ryan snidely reassured her. "The Louds needed a hardass of a babysitter for their kids on short notice and you came to mind."
"And let me take a wild guess, you wish to come with me and stay for the night?" Renee deduced.
"Is that going to be a problem?" Ryan narrowed his eyes.
"It won't be, provided you understand that the contract Mr. Loud signed gives me the jurisdiction to, among other things, keep the children I'm guiding away from any friends that I deem to be a toxic influence on them. Which means you can only stay under the condition that you respect me as your superior and obey my rules, much like the Loud children."
"Or in simpler terms, you wish to boss me around." Ryan sneered before rolling his eyes. "You never cease being a killjoy. Fine, I can live with that for a day or so."
Renee didn't fail to notice the icy glare she was receiving. "I know you aren't happy with these arrangements, Lynn. And I have a hunch most of your sisters won't be either. But I believe you'll be willing to respect your parents' commitments?"
Lynn grew tenser, and Lincoln cleared his throat. "Actually we do." He spoke up. "In fact, we have no intention to cause trouble; we want this go down just as peacefully and orderly as you do."
Renee arched an eyebrow. "I think you misunderstand things, Renee." Lincoln continued. "Life at our home is chaotic and our sisters will be problematic, make no mistake."
"Is that supposed to intimidate me?" the teen asked, unfazed.
"No, we do not want to be against you, we wanna help you." Lincoln stated firmly. "Me and Lynn wanna help our folks to improve our home life, to get our sisters under control and not to be, as you put it, freaks."
Lynn scowled at this, aggravated that her own brother gave into peer pressure and self-identify himself and their family as "freaks". Lucy, Lisa, Luan, Lori and Lola? Sure, but she was as normal as they got!
"And how does he factor into this?" Renee pointed at her brother.
"Well, this might shock you, oh dearest sister. But I wanna help them too." Ryan snarked. "Hence why me must do the unthinkable and team up."
"Ryan Taylor? Being altruistic?" his sister scoffed.
"True, I'm quite rotten to most people, but I do have my loyalties to my friends." He pointed at the Loud siblings. He knew his sister would be hard-pressed to believe he would willingly help anyone, so he had to try and be as convincing as possible.
"Plus, you know that me and Lynn are especially tight." He wiggled an eyebrow at the girl, who blushed slightly.
Renee narrowed her eyes, seemingly debating about his sincerity. "I'll be the judge of that once we get there. Now get out of my room so I can pack up some essentials."
"So are we collaborating on this?" Lincoln asked.
"I said "out"." Renee restated sternly.
"Let's go…" Ryan rolled his eyes and gestured for the sibling to follow him. "Let's not make her cranky."
Lynn stopped at the doorway and looked over her shoulder to see Renee's back turned as she looked through a drawer. Seething, Lynn stuck out her tongue at her before following the boys.
"Classy." Ryan snarked to her in the hallway when his cat came to him. "Ah, Marcy? Guess where we're staying tonight. I hope you missed your new playmate." He told her as he picked her up.
Lynn glared daggers at him. "I seriously hope three hundred bucks and selling our freedom to that cunt will pay off, otherwise you and me are going to have some issues."
"Relax, I know what I'm doing. Renee might be mean but she's very effective, I suppose that's one thing we have in common. Trust me, guys." Ryan replied coolly while holding his cat. "I believe it will be your sisters who will in for a surprise."
"I hope your right." Lincoln grimaced. "Though it would have been a lot better if she believed us and we could work together."
"Details, details…." Ryan dismissed him. "Point is both parties will work for a common goal. Renee's gonna take her babysitting very seriously and so are we, so the two of us will effectively be collaborating either way."
"Pffftt….and I don't suppose your sister will go easy on some of us for "good behavior"?" Lynn deadpanned.
"Not in a million years, Renee never turns the other cheek when it comes to rules." Ryan shook his head. "But…" he added "…."good behavior" might convince her to put some faith into us."
"I sure hope so…"
"And you're the ideal candidate for that, pipsqueak." Ryan "complimented" him. "You're wimpy, cowardly, passive, easily intimidated and most of all, morally-uptight and obedient. Just the kind of kid Renee might grow to tolerate, but Lynn's boat has sailed long ago."
"You're dishing me for not taking crap from people, ha!" Lynn scoffed.
"Well, let's hope my "qualities" will be helpful." Lincoln deadpanned to the other boy. "But either way, regardless if she trusts us, we have to do the best we can on our part."
"That's my forte, bro. I always give a hundred and ten percent." Lynn boasted. "The girls can throw everything they have at me, I'll never back down."
"That's not mathematically possible but….that's the spirit, sis." Lincoln gave her a thumbs-up.
"And don't worry, under Renee's regime, we'll get a goodnight's rest too." Ryan reassured them. "My sister's very serious about curfews too."
"That just leaves one loose end. "Lincoln concluded. "Lucy."
Lynn frowned hearing that name.
"Well, we better hurry then. You remember what she told us. If she finds out about your folks leaving, she'll waste no time snitching on us." Ryan urged them.
Lynn narrowed her eyes. "She better keeps her yap shut!"
Damn, my chronic inability to write shorter chapters is even bleeding into interlude chapters XD As you can infer by now, the next story will be a loose adaption of No Guts, No Glory, in so far as having a tough, militant babysitter putting a kibosh on the Loud kids' antics and give them immense grief while the parents are away. Naturally, this might branch off into two separate stories, as Renee will be with them for more than one day. She already has it out for Lucy as it seems, and you can bet your sweet whiskers she's not gonna like any of the sisters XD Who do you think she'll despise the most right of the bat?
And just to be clear, this Casagrande funeral I brought up is not going to matter in the story, as I believe I made it clear how much I care about those people XD It's just a catalyst for having the parents (and Lori) leave so the real plot can start, and for giving Lori a tiny little humanizing moment, so no one thinks she has gone total sociopath in this story. She's a spoiled brat but she has standards. Maybe she'll have more of those in the future?
And yes, I have noticed that the babysitter is younger than Leni and the same age as Luna XD Take it as another hint of how little faith the parents have in their daughters. Plus, Renee's someone who puts more stock in "mental age" than "physical age", so she won't view or treat the Loud teens as equals by any stretch of the word. That will be explored more later on.
And yep, I'm not fond of Vantastic Voyage. I think it's a particularly dumb episode, both with how it characterizes Lynn Sr. (and his botched character development) and with its boneheaded prioritizing of blind sentimentality over rational thinking, apparently for no other reason than to uphold the status quo (because a new car "changes too much"? XD) Obviously I took a dig at it here.
