When your life was as busy and eventful as the Louds', be it for better or worse…usually worse, it was nigh-impossible to remember a lot of things that would stick out in most people's minds as an important event, including your parents and oldest sister taking a sudden leave of absence for vaguely-defined reasons.

Though neither of the two siblings had been remotely aware of the true reason behind the trip up until now, and neither really cared much about it back then. So now they were left with damage control yet again, though the battle was not lost as far as they were concerned as they could still prevent the worst part of this particular incident, with strong assistance and minus one innocent bystander being subjected to the madness of the Loud sisters.

Though given how their past attempts at babysitting the girls had gone south, morale was not particularly high.

"There are mom and Lori, looks like they're packing for the trip." Lincoln observed as the three returned to the Loud's home, together with their feline companion who sat next to her owner.

The former was packing some small luggage into the trunk of Lori's new car and closed it.

"Figures, even for a funeral Blondy feels the need to show off." Ryan snorted.

"Will you knock it off?" Lincoln asked him tiredly. "I think Lori's really upset about this."

"No kidding, I learned that alright." Lynn grumbled while rubbing her shiner.

"Lynn, just try to ignore her, she'll be gone soon enough." Lincoln advised her.

Lynn made a humph, not exactly intending to let Lori get away that easily.

"At least that's a positive." Ryan remarked when he noticed his cat walking towards the dog house.

"She's looking for Charles, huh?" Lynn asked dejectedly as the cat stuck her head into the dog house.

Ryan sighed. "Maybe, who knows what goes on in that crazy cat's head? I just hope she didn't grow too attached to that mutt."

Neither sibling commented on it. With One Eye running loose in the countryside it soon became an unspoken agreement between the three about which fate most likely befell the bull terrier, especially since they ran into Cliff in the woods. Losing a beloved pet wasn't easy on any child, made only worse if you knew the circumstances surrounding their fate.

That tidbit also didn't improve Lincoln and Lynn's dim view of their youngest siblings, for she was the architect behind the incident that sent their pets packing in the first place.

"Let's see mom, guys…." Lincoln sighed, not wishing to dwell on it any longer. With so much stuff going on they hardly had any time to even accept their pets' disappearances. And both he and Lynn doubted they would get any time for mourning any time soon. Ironically, their current predicament was set in motion by people having to go and mourn.

"Hey, mom. You guys going already?" Lynn asked, trying to be casual, as her icy glare soon locked with Lori's.

Turning towards her, Rita sighed. "I'm afraid so…I…ay ay yay…." She put her hand to her mouth in shock. She had hoped that her husband's account of the most recent sister scuffle had been exaggerated but she was quickly proven wrong.

Lori frowned and looked away from them while pulling the hood of the car back up. She wasn't planning for a flashy entrance on this occasion. Rita cast her a disapproving glare.

"Mom, don't fret. I've suffered worse jabs during kickboxing practice…..when I was eight." Lynn vigorously dismissed any implication that she was hurt while rubbing her black eye.

Rita didn't comment. She knew better than to worry about Lynn actually being hurt by a mere punch, the middle daughter was as tough as nails and there was no denying it. It was Lori's behavior that put the mother on edge. Upset or not, there was no justification for unprovoked violence. The grim circumstances were, in fact, the only thing that saved Lori from some jail time in her room.

"I see….and yes, I'm afraid we have to fast track this trip if we want to arrive on time." She shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, kids. I know this came out of nowhere and you're scrambling to make sense of this-"

"It's okay, mom. Dad explained it to us. We know this trip is important." Lincoln explained with a slight nod. Rita could tell from the look on his eyes that he knew what was going on and returned the nod.

"So, you three are gonna drive in that?" Lynn pointed at the car, earning a scowl from Lori.

"Lori is. She'll be taking Bobby and his family along; her new car has more space than Maria's." Rita explained. "Me and your father will take my car, and follow them shortly."

"You're right, I can't be late." Lori grunted and opened the driver's door, eager to get away from her siblings.

"Hold your horses, don't you have some parting words?" her mother asked sternly. Lori froze and clenched her fists as she slowly turned around to face her.

"Actually, I have some myself." Lynn spoke up boldly, earning concerned glances from her male companions.

"I…I'm…." Lynn tensed up and balled her fists, looking constipated. "I'm sorry, Lori." She spat it out begrudgingly, much to the shock of her sister and mother, as well as the boys.

"I'm sorry I made fun of you, and Bobby. I didn't have the foggiest clue what was going on, if I had known I would have kept my pie-hole shut." She finished and sighed with relief, having barely kept her pent up pride down long enough to say this.

Lori wore an expression of utter disbelief, unable to process this, which soon morphed into a standard scowl and frown. "Oh…?" was all she could say in response.

Lincoln wondered what was going on through her head right now? Was she repenting or was she simply feeling indignation now that Lynn's apology had made her look even more like an unreasonable rage-machine? Or was she simply surprised? Or all three?

"I….eh….well, sorry for decking you in the eye, I may have overreacted." She muttered under her breath, facing away from the jock she was apologizing to.

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "Don't hurt yourself with the apology." She replied sardonically.

Rita rolled her eyes, knowing this was as far as they were going to get, and cleared her throat. "So, you found a babysitter?"

"We certainly did. She's my sister." Ryan candidly explained.

Rita's eyes widened. "Your sister?"

"Yup, and don't worry about her being way over her head. Renee's like a seasoned rodeo cowboy when it comes to babysitting. She's tough, no-nonsense, she doesn't scare easily and she hasn't had a single unsatisfied customer as far."

"Pfffttt…..that might soon change…." Lori muttered but shut up upon receiving another glare from her mother.

"Well, this should be interesting then, Ryan. I guess our families are going to become a bit closer?"

"Naaaah…" Ryan snarked. "She's just in it for the money. She doesn't even like kids."

"That sounds riveting but I have places to go." A bitter Lori excused herself and entered her car, closing the door. "Bobby's dealing with enough grief without his chauffeur being late."

"Just one thing, Lori." Lincoln called out to her, causing her to glower at them.

"What?" she said coldly.

"When you see him, give him my best wishes." Lincoln said respectfully.

"Mine too." Lynn chimed in before they both shot Ryan a glare.

"Oh…yeah." he spoke up. "Eh….what they said."

Lori was once again stupefied, and her face softened a bit as she gripped the wheel, seemingly conflicted about her response.

"Whatever, you twerps stay out of trouble." She simply grunted and hit the brakes, moving out of the driveway and hitting the road.

Once she was gone, Rita smiled at her younger daughter. "I'm proud of you, Lynn. That was a very mature thing to say."

Lynn sighed. "I had to…..it wasn't right to call someone an idiot when the guy's grieving."

So she knew too? Rita was surprised her husband had actually shared this information with her. Lincoln? Sure. But Lynn was a different story. Regardless, she was proud and pleasantly surprised to see her daughter show such unprecedented maturity.

Lynn tittered and bumped Ryan's shoulder. "Just be glad my bud here kept his yap shut. He's abysmal at being sensitive, or respectful." She said in jest.

"And you like me for it." He shot back with a smirk.

Watching them banter reminded Rita of something, but this wasn't the place to discuss it, not in front of the boys. And she didn't want to bug Ryan any more with talks of funerals that shouldn't concern him, or Lynn and Lincoln for that matter.

"Well, we have places to go. You kids wouldn't mind helping me and Lynn pack up some essentials, just to speed things up?"

"Sure thing, mom. You know we're always there to give ya a helping hand." Lincoln agreed immediately.

"If your suitcase won't close I'll force it into submission." Lynn added, flexing the muscles of her rather scrawny arm.

"Just so we're clear? You're talking about Mr. Loud, not the other Lynn?" Ryan joked while pointing his thumb at the jock.

Rita chuckled. "Okay, that's very considerate of you. Lynn, how about you help me? And you boys go help Ly-eh….my hubie? He has a bad habit of over packing."


"Pops, you can't seriously be going through with this? I don't need no bloke to babysit me!" Luna lamented while watching her old man pack.

"Luna, we've been over this." Lynn Sr. repeated while stuffing his suitcase on his bed. "This trip is of the utmost importance, and we have no other option but to leave you kids in someone's capable hands. And you know Leni…eh….is too delicate for such a demanding task."

The rocker folded her arms, he had her there. "So? I can be the head of the household for a day, no worries." She pointed at herself. "No need to leave us with some randoe."

"She's not a randoe, she's my sister." Ryan's casual tone cut her off as he and Lincoln strolled in.

"Need some help, dad?" Lincoln asked.

"Your sister?" Luna asked incredulously.

"Yes, sirree." Ryan nodded. "Which means I'll be staying for another sleepover! Isn't it bodacious? I'm sure you'll adore Renee." He added sarcastically.

Her face fell and Luna turned back to her father. "Pops, c'mon! I'm fourteen for crying out! What will my peps think if they catch wind of this?"

Lynn pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sweetie, be reasonable. We gotta have someone keep this place in check while me and Rita are away, and with Lori tagging along someone with experience has to fill up those shoes. Don't look at this as being babysat, think of this as….us hiring a housekeeper for a short while?"

He grinned awkwardly but the rocker was unamused.

"And why are you and mom tagging along? Why do all three of you have to attend this family gathering for Bobby and his folks anyway?"

Lynn paled. "Well….eh….we're their special guests of honor."

"How? You, mom and Lori never even went to Great Lake City?" Luna countered. "Do you even know any of those people?"

"It's about Lori's quinceañera." Lincoln hastily stepped in.

Luna cast him a befuddled look. "Her whats-enara?"

"It's an important rite of passage for young Latino women. Bobby's mom, his female cousins all had one, and his sister is due for one as well."

"What does that have to do with Lori?"

Lincoln thought fast. "Well, she's adamant about immersing herself with their customs, for her and Bobby are in a very serious relationship and his family knows it. As the potential future Mrs. Santiago, Lori insisted that she has to go through with this most sacred of Hispanic traditions."

"Yes, yes, exactly. That's what I was meaning to say." Lynn quickly joined in. "Lori's very serious about understanding their culture, and a girl simply can't hold her quinceañera if her own parents don't attend it. That's why me and your mom have to come at all costs."

Luna was dumbfounded. Under any other circumstance, she would have voiced her opinion about how bonkers it was for a 16-year-old to prepare for such stuff so early, but this was Bobby and Lori they were talking about. For those two lovebirds, such ludicrous preparations were downright normal. Or at least normal compared to choosing over a dozen baby names before even reaching the age of consent.

She slapped her forehead. "Oh, brother….." she grumbled when something dawned on her. "And why can't the rest of us come along? I'm down for a road trip and seeing new places."

Father and son paled but Ryan laughed.

"So you Louds could demolish everything in your path? Get real!"

"Excuse me?" Luna glared at him while a nervous Lynn did a "cut it out" gesture.

Ryan rolled his eyes and shrugged. "But that's just my guess."

"Other relatives are optional, Luna." Lincoln cut in and started helping his father pack. "And they only have so many spare rooms to spare."

"Yes, me, your mom and Lori are gonna have to share a room at a small, dingy hotel. Neither family is raking in cash right now." Lynn nodded nervously. "I'd love for you kids to come, but my hands are tied."

"Yeah, I'm not thrilled about this either, Luna. But let's suck it up for Lori's sake. Knowing her relationship with Bobby, I have a hunch this celebration won't be for nothing." Lincoln explained

Luna rolled her eyes. She knew anything she could say right now would just make her look incredibly selfish. She just hopped her peps didn't plan for a surprise visit tomorrow.

"This blows…." She grumbled as she left the premise, passing by Ryan.

"Ha, try living with Renee for twelve years?" he snarked.

"That was too close for comfort." Lynn wiped his forehead.

"Don't worry; all will be swell, Mr. L. Under Renee's regime, everything will nice and orderly. You just soak in the countryside and get some fresh air." Ryan reassured him when he came over and pulled a staple gun out of the suitcase. "But is this thing really necessary for the trip?"

"And dad, why did you pack a coffee machine?" Lincoln asked as he lifted it out of the suitcase.

"I guess not…." The father rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I may have gotten overzealous?"

"And why would you need ten ties?" Ryan asked as he pulled out Lynn's entire tie collection.

Lynn shrugged awkwardly and picked something else out of the suitcase. "Perhaps my personal cookbook is also a bit redundant?"

The boys rolled their eyes.


"That's all." Rita had a much easier time packing up. She lifted her suitcase and strapped it over her shoulder.

"Say, mom? Where are the others?" Lynn asked, sitting on her parents' bed. "I haven't seen anyone."

"Last I saw of Luna, she was gripping about being left behind to your father. Lana and Leni are still napping; they stayed way past their curfew last night. Lisa hasn't left her room since grabbing a bagel from the kitchen, she might also be asleep. Your father says she's suffering from insomnia."

"I can imagine why…." Lynn thought grimly. "And is Lola still sulking in her room?"

Rita smiled a little. "No doubts about it. The cancelation of her beauty pageant hit her hard."

"I'm sure she'll recover." Lynn smiled snidely, finding some joy in having inadvertently caused the brat some grief.

"Though, I don't know who would waste time breaking into a five-star hotel just to steal applications for a beauty contest for little girls?" Rita chuckled. "I mean, of all the things you could rob a hotel for?"

"Yeah, pretty weird…" Lynn chuckled, playing ignorant. "There was probably plenty of rich folk there you could pillage and plunder from."

"I doubt those applications will be worth much." Her mother shook her head with amusement.

"But on the subject of your sisters, have you seen Lucy or Luan? I haven't seen them ever since I got distracted by Veronica." Rita admitted sheepishly.

"I guess they haven't left Lu's room." Lynn shrugged, though she thought about those two with caution. "They've been getting chummy lately….um….. I think?"

"Lucy and Luan? Chummy?" her mother didn't seem to believe her. "Well….that would be an unusual pair. But I'm glad to see that the girls are spending more sister time together."

"Tell me about it…." Lynn scoffed. "They're both so weird; perhaps together they can start making sense?"

"Speaking of pairs." Rita smiled knowingly. "I haven't had the time to ask you something? Have you taken my advice and talked with Ryan….about something?"

Lynn blushed, feeling uneasy. Should she tell her? Why was she even debating that? Her mom knew already and Lynn had agreed that she would come clean about this anyway.

She rubbed her arms and shifted. "Well…I…I actually did." She admitted timidly.

Her mother's demeanor remained the same and she sat next to Lynn. "So how did it go? I hope it wasn't too scary?"

"It wasn't….we had a lucha libre match and I sorta let it slip." Lynn explained. "He knows."

"You told him how you felt while wrestling?" Rita blinked before smiling again. She supposed this was the Lynn Loud way of doing things? "Okay then, so what did he say? From the looks of things, there is no awkwardness between the two of you?"

"Nope…" Lynn exhaled, slowly but steadily relaxing. "He likes me too; I always sorta knew that….I was just unsure how to respond to it?"

Rita was surprised to hear that….. the middle part that is. It would seem Lynn had some woman intuition after all? "Well, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't suspect the same thing, I just didn't want to meddle with your love life, dear."

"Don't use that word, mom." Lynn blushed bashfully and shrank.

Rita giggled. "My bad, how do you kids call it nowadays? Your "like-like life"?

Was her mother really psychic, Lynn seriously wondered?

"I'm sure you saved that boy a lot of anxiety by breaking the ice yourself." Rita joked. Lynn didn't doubt it, she knew her mother was right about that.

"Yeah….I guess….though he did become a little more…outspoken after that."

"And what did he say specifically." Rita inquired.

Lynn grew an impish look. "He said I was very pretty, and cool, funny and exciting, and pretty. He said I was pretty twice."

"Sounds like you got him enticed." Rita smiled. "And by simply being yourself. Don't tell Lori or Leni, but the hallmark of a healthy relationship is when your crush likes you for who you are, not for who you're trying to present yourself as."

"I'd never put on a dress in a million years." Lynn snorted. "I'd rather be kicked off every team I'm on than that. Besides…." She started blushing again "…..he said that's what he likes the most about me, that I am tough and not afraid to get my hands dirty."

Rita could certainly think of plenty of boys, especially from when she was Lynn's age that didn't share that mentality. Good to know that some boys were shedding away their instinctual fear of emasculation.

"Lynn, I'm truly happy for you. Looks like you found your match. Awww….my little girl is becoming a woman. So, now that the scariest part is over, what do you two plan to do?"

"I dunno…..I'm still not quite sure what to do with this?. Ryan told me that he was happy to hear this but that we shouldn't rush things." Lynn told her honestly.

"Smart advice, you kids are just twelve. You're in no rush. I know this is still alien to you, but you'll have the whole summer to grow accustomed to it and enjoy each other's company." Her mother said sagely.

"Just remember that it's not customary to kiss a boy before the first date." She added jokingly.

Lynn blushed harder. "I sorta already did…" her mother's eyes widened "…..on the cheek…..twice."

Rita smiled. "In that case, sweetie, I think you're more in sync with your feelings than you realize."

"Maybe….it felt kinda nice." Lynn smiled impishly. "I'm not sure why I did it though? I didn't really plan to, it was like some magnet doohickey was pulling me towards him."

"That's what I meant with letting things run their natural course." Her mother patted her back. "Don't worry, sweetie. Everything's going to be just fine, better than fine in fact."

Lynn smiled, but not for long. "Everything but Luan?" she grimaced. Maybe her mother could talk the hare-brained comedian to take a hike? She already knew, at least partially, of Luan's meddling.

Rita looked at her wristwatch and sighed. "I gotta get going, we must check if your father has over-packed again."

Lynn nodded. She really wanted to ask her mother to get Luan off her back but knew they hardly had the time for it, as both her parents were due to leave any moment. If only things were that easy?


Luna was leaning into the couch, channel surfing, with Cliff sleeping next to her. The rocker grumbled to herself, unable to believe that her own parents would do her like this? Why would they leave her stuck with a babysitter, she wasn't a child? What were they even worried about? Sure, several of her sisters were loose cannons but not her. She was a musician! Musicians didn't break stuff, or drag mud trails into the hall, or waste tones of money on long-distance calls, or cause lab explosions?

"Just chill, dude. You're overreacting." She told herself. "Sure, this bites….. but you can make the best of it? Just call Sam and the gang and tell them you're sick, and that you'll be bedridden for a while. Plus, how bad can this babysitter be?"

As if tempting fate; the doorbell rang, prompting Luna got up and opened the door. She was met with a girl standing on the porch, not looking at the rocker as she was too busy writing into her notepad. She was also wearing a backpack.

"Um…can I help you?"

"Is this the Loud residence? Home of Lynn Sr. and Rita Loud?" Renee asked her, purely for the sake of courtesy. She knew the address.

"Yes?" Luna answered tentatively.

"Good, it appears I'm on time." Renee remarked and walked in.

"What the?" Luna saw her entering without permission and followed. "Hey, brah, what are you doing?"

Renee ignored her and surveyed the living room, taking notes along the way. "Hmmm….the house is bigger than I anticipated, but I supposed you need this much space to house nearly a dozen miscreants."

"Hey! I asked you a question, dude? There are trespassing laws, y'know?" Luna lamented, which finally earned the latter's attention.

With a disapproving glare, she eyed the rocker from head to toe and wrote a few more notes. "Tisk, tisk. Grunge wardrobe? Gratuitous ear-piercings? Crude vernacular? I can tell you have an extensive juvenile hall record."

"Excuse me?" Luna looked indignant. "I'm not a delinquent! I never caused trouble….eh intentionally?"

"That's what they all say." Renee didn't seem to care and took another note. "Kids always want to be rebels but few have the courage to pull it off. Still, I'll make a memo to keep a close eye on you."

Luna drew a breath to retort before realizing she was going off-topic. "Who are you? Why did you barge into my house?"

"I've been employed by your father."Renee rolled her eyes; clearly this kid wasn't a bright one. "Renee Taylor. I believe you're already acquainted with my brother. As you don't seem to know, I've been recruited to serve as your guardian and governess while your parents are on their trip."

Luna's face fell. "You're the babysitter? You?!"

"Was I not clear enough?" Renee asked dryly. "Yes, I will be watching you and your siblings for the next thirty-three hours."

"Always the punctual one, Renny?" she heard her brothers mocking voice and saw him sliding down the banister, jumping off and landing in front of her. "I prefer to be fashionably late myself."

"Ryan." She duly noted, unamused by hid dramatic entrance. "I hope you remember our agreement if you still wish to stay?"

"Yeah, yeah…." He snarked while mimicking a hand puppet with his fingers. "Good boys follow the rules or get the boot, blah, blah."

"And there will be no sliding down the banister, period."

"Wait a blimey minute?" Luna spoke up. "Just how old are you?"

"I don't see why that would be of interest to you?" Renee shrugged. "What's with your idiosyncrasy of using British slang mixed with surfer lingo? Slang in general is verbal cancer, but mixing random idioms from different backgrounds together just makes your vocabulary incomprehensible."

Luna blinked. Did she just insult her? "Hey, I asked a question!"

Renee rolled her eyes. "Fourteen, and I'll be turning fifteen in October. Has your inane curiosity been satisfied?"

"Fourteen?! I'm fourteen! How can you babysit me if we're-"

"But we're not on the same level. Mental age takes precedence over physical age, kid." Renee replied simply. "The mind and the body seldom develop in perfect sync with one another in most people."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luna grew annoyed.

Renee shook her head and turned to her brother. "Are they all this dense?"

"It varies from Loud to Loud." Ryan answered sincerely.

"Kay, this is some kind of ruse? Where's the hidden camera?" Luna stated angrily while looking around. "No way is this for real!"

"I'm afraid it's very real." Renee replied unfazed, taking another note. "Most kids don't like my methods but their ill-informed opinions mean little to me. Your parents paid good money for my services and I'm obliged to make it worth their while."

Luna couldn't take it anymore. "MOM! DAD! What's going on here!"

"What's wrong, Luna?" Rita came down the stairs. Lincoln stopped atop of them, observing the situation.

"Mom, this crazy dudette claims to be our babysitter?" Luna lamented and pointed at their guest.

Rita's face fell. "You're Ryan's sister?" she asked incredulously.

"Unfortunately…" the boy said with faux-merriment.

"You are correct. Renee Taylor, at your service." The girl gave the mother a mandatory handshake. "Don't worry; I can forgive your daughter's unrefined behavior. Children will be children." She added while shooting Luna a glare.

"You're the babysitter? But you're so young? Eh…I mean you're young enough to go to school with half of my children-"

"I anticipated you would have some doubts, which is why I brought along the recommendations written by my past clients." Renee, wishing to cut the pleasantries short, pulled a stack of letters from her backpack and offered it to the dumbfounded mother.

"I believe they will confirm my credibility and put your mind at ease."

"Well, I'll be…." Rita was at a loss for words reading through the papers.

"Mom, you're not seriously leaving her in charge here?" Luna complained.

Lincoln grimaced when he heard his father's voice. "Looks like there's disagreement down there?" Lynn Sr. walked up to him with his suitcase, along with Lynn.

"I don't think Luna's is flattered that her babysitter could also be her classmate." Lincoln sighed.

"We better explain ourselves, me and Rita have a deadline for checking into our hotel." his father worried and was ready to move when he remembered something and felt his pocket. "Dagnabit!"

"What is it, dad?" Lynn asked.

"I forgot the car keys in our room, mind fetching them, LJ?"

"On it." Lynn saluted him jokingly and ran off.

The father turned back to Lincoln. "Come on, son, let's clear this up."


Lynn quickly found the keys on the desk and grabbed them.

"What's going on?"

Lynn jolted and turned around, her face scrunching up with rage. "Lucy! I told you never to do that-"

"Why is Ryan's sister here?" Lucy said grimly, unfazed by the former's outburst. "I don't like her."

"Well, we can welcome Luna into our anti-Renee club now too, Pasty." Lynn quipped sardonically, calming down. "Where's Luan by the way?"

"She went down to see her. I'm sure Renee won't endear herself to her either." Lucy explained. "And why is she here? And why do you have a black eye?"

Lynn groaned. "Not your beeswax. As for Renee? She'll be our babysitter for a bit cuz mom and dad have to go somewhere."

"Go somewhere?" Lucy looked appalled. "Why?"

"There's no point trying to hide anything from her, is there? Plus, this is freaking Lucy." Lynn figured and sighed.

"Well, turns out some relatives of Bobby were caught in a fatal car crash." She explained, making no attempt to sugarcoat it since this was Lucy she was talking to. "Lori's going to the funeral and the ditz promised the Santiagos that our folks would come to pay their respect as well, without even asking them first, leaving dad scrambling to find a babysitter on short notice."

"A funeral?" Lucy said with intrigue but it quickly petered out. Any other day, the prospect of a funeral would have fascinated her like nothing else, but not today. "Mom and dad are leaving now?"

"Yes, and they won't be back until tomorrow evening I think, so we need-"

"We need to tell them about Lyle now." Lucy said firmly.

"Wow, wow, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Duchess of Darkness." Lynn raised her hands. "Now's not the time, we'll tell them when they return."

"No." Lucy defied her. "I said we would tell them today, no more procrastinating."

She tried to leave when Lynn grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Lemme go!" the goth protested but was grossly overpowered.

"No way, we agreed to have a private talk first. Remember?" Lynn barked sternly.

"You didn't tell me anything about them leaving, you unscrupulous liars?" Lucy countered.

Lynn grew enraged. "We didn't lie to you! We had no freaking clue about this either, until today!"

"Why should I trust you? You were lying to me this whole time! You'd do anything to cover your misdeeds?"

"Will you listen to me, you pint-sized Corpse Bride?" Lynn clenched her teeth, quickly losing her temper. "This is very important and you must hear us out. You don't understand what's at stake?"

"What? You getting suspended from your sports teams for picking up fights?" Lucy scoffed bitterly.

Lynn seethed. Lucy knew how to rile her up like no one else. "This isn't a joke, idiot! If you won't believe me, let Lincoln explain it to ya."

"I don't care. I will tell our parents and you can't stop me!" Lucy cried defiantly.

"You won't, I'm not letting you screw everything up!"

"MOM! DAD! MO-mph!" a hand was clamped over the goth's mouth and she was restrained by her older sister.

"I said; keep your trap shut!" a panicked Lynn warned her as she squirmed in her grip.

"Mmmmphpphp!" her sister wouldn't relent.

Sweating out of fear of drawing attention, Lynn weighed out her options and groaned.

"Kay, Lincoln. You had your way, now it's my turn."


"I must say, your track record is impressive. This is the fourth letter to use the word "miracle" when describing you?" Rita marveled as she read through the recommendations on the couch, with her husband on one side and a sulky Luna on the other. Cliff had moved to nap on the armchair.

"I try not to brag." Renee shrugged, standing adjacent to them.

"Which is a total lie, she always brags." Ryan quipped while elbowing her.

"My point is…" his sister sent him a dirty glare "…..any child can be reasoned with once you learn how to speak their basal language and understand their behavioral patterns. Some firm discipline and some positive reinforcement help motivate them to engage in more agreeable and cooperative behavior."

"Are you talking about babysitting kids or about training dogs?" Luna asked condescendingly.

"The line between disciplining children and training animals is a blurred one. At the end of the day, both activities hinge on someone with a moral and intellectual high ground helping to enlighten a poor, ignorant soul and teach them to refrain themselves from succumbing to their basic urges to engage in self-destructive behavior."

"Can you speak English, man?" Luna complained.

"She means it's all about sharing your wisdom and teaching others to better themselves." Lincoln explained. Living with Lisa had helped him practice his translation of overly-articulate people.

"Well, Renee, you've done and convinced me you're the right person for the job. Anyone who puts that much thought into child-rearing at such a young age clearly knows what they're doing." Rita complimented her.

"Right you are, honey. And I saw the newspaper article that called her a hero for her legendary child-caring skills. I'm sure she'll be worth every penny." Lynn Sr. agreed somewhat nervously, not having told his wife yet just how costly their babysitter was."

"But, mom? Dad? I'm too old for a-"

"Luna, for the last time; we have duties to attend to and we need someone to keep you kids in line." Rita told her in no uncertain terms. "Perhaps if you had the same ambitions as Renee here and tried earning money yourself through hard work instead of devoting all your attention to music, we might have trusted you with such a task."

Luna frowned and sulked.

"Don't take it so personally, sweetie." Her father tried to cheer her up. "I told you, it's not that we think of you as childish and immature, we just needed someone with experience to be head of the household. Don't think of her as your babysitter…..but eh….as your governess."

"That's just a yuppie talk for "babysitter"." The rocker pouted.

"Sorry, Luna, but we can't change our plans now. We have a deadline if we want to get our room at the hotel." Rita explained.

"Yes, we need to get there pronto. Lori can't do it for us since she's still under-aged." The father added.

"What's this about a road trip?" a still crabby Luan finally revealed her presence. Ryan immediately dreaded her arrival.

"Mom and dad have to go to Great Lake City." Lincoln explained. "They are joining Lori for her quinceañera with the Santiagos and the rest of their family."

Luan seriously didn't care anymore about anything involving Lori. "And what about the rest of us? Are we joining the fiesta or taking a siesta back home?"

"We're staying, she'll be our babysitter." Lincoln simply gestured at Renee.

"Babysitter?"

"She prefers "governess"." Luna huffed.

"I never made that claim." Renee flatly denied it.

"I'm afraid we got some good news, and some bad news, Lu." Ryan tentatively approached her, which made her perk up a bit. "Good news; I'll be staying for another sleepover."

"You are?" Luan beamed.

"Yup, bad news…." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. "My sister is the best your folks could find for a babysitter."

Renee rolled her eyes, and wrote down further notes while studying the comedian.

"Your sister?" Luan figured who she was, but didn't know what to make of it? What little her crush had told her about his big sister painted a very unflattering picture of her. But Luan still believed in giving someone a fair shot, regardless of much that principle had backfired for her before.

"Indeed. Renee, don't you want to meet one of my new friends?" Ryan said snidely.

"Renee?" Luan giggled. "That sounds French. Bonjour, mon ami." She offered her hand but only received a frosty glare in response, making Luan uncomfortable.

"Um….I also wear a beret when I'm practicing my mime act?"

"You have a joy buzzer on your palm." Renee said flatly and wrote down another note.

"I….I just wanted to give this dull party a jolt?" Luan drew back and removed the buzzer. "Eh, get it?"

Renee remained as cold as ever. "Your puerile attempts at using foreign languages and inane puns as humor are quaint. I can tell I'm not going to like you." she made sure to write that down.

The parents looked at her oddly, not knowing what to make of this?

"Good one, Renee." Lynn Sr. pointed a finger gun at her. "You almost sound like you meant it?"

"Eh….yeah sure." Renee humored him. Luan wasn't fooled by it, she knew a killjoy when she saw one.

"Fair warning, bra. She cracks lame jokes all the time." Luna pointed out idly. Luan glared at her.

"Don't take it too hard, Lu. Renee was born with a disorder, the inability to laugh." Ryan whispered to her, making her titter.

"Here ya go, dad." Lynn arrived and gave him the keys. She cast their would-be-babysitter a glare, though the latter paid her no mind.

"Thanks, sport. Where are the rest of the girls? We have to go and they should meet their babys-I mean governess." The father corrected himself, not that Luna cared much for it by this point.

"Lana, Leni and probably Lisa are still asleep." Rita explained. "And Lola's in a foul mood."

"Oh, dear. It's difficult to make Lola listen to anything when she's in a foul mood." Lynn Sr. worried.

"Petulant child angst is a mere speed bump, if you know what you're doing, sir." Renee said casually.

"And where's Lucy, Lynn? Last I saw her she was heading towards you?" Luan asked the jock.

Lynn blinked uneasily. "Haven't seen her." She shrugged. "She probably slinked off to do another séance or some stuff."

"We'll never find her then." Rita slapped her forehead.

"We don't have time to search for her, or to wake the others up." Lynn Sr. said as he stared at his wristwatch. "Times a wastin'."

Lincoln sighed. "Maybe you guys should just go ahead? We'll tell the others."

"He makes a valid point." Renee concurred as she wrote down another note. "Whether they meet me before or after you have departed is entirely irrelevant."

The parents thought about it before reluctantly nodding to each other.


Outside, the parents loaded their suitcases into the trunk of Rita's car before saying their farewells to their four kids, while the Taylor siblings just stood there and observed them.

"I say, why are they all hugging each other, that's pretty weird?" Ryan told his sister as Lincoln, Luan and Luna embraced their parents in a group hug, while Lynn seemed hesitant to join in.

"What do I know? Probably some kind of Midwestern custom?" Renee shrugged apathetically.

"Wow, I don't do hugging, sorry." Lynn declined the offer. "I'm a big girl."

Rita glanced briefly at Ryan before giving her daughter a wink. "I understand, not in front of You-Know-Who."

"Who do you mean?" her husband asked cluelessly, only to get poked in the ribs.

"Not now, Lynn." His wife whispered to him in warning.

"Alright, kids…" she continued "….you all behave and listen to everything Renee says, she's now in charge." With that Rita gave Renee the keys to the house, as well as her credit card.

"Just in case the kids get hungry." She told the sitter.

"Don't worry, mom. We'll be on our best behavior." Lincoln proclaimed on behalf of all of his siblings.

"We'll make sure of that." Lynn agreed. Lynn Sr. read between the lines and knew Lynn, Lincoln and Ryan would aid Renee in keeping the house in check as much as they could. He gave them a subtle nod.

"Good afternoon, Lynn, Rita." Harold McBride suddenly walked into the driveway, waving.

"Harold? What brings you here?" Rita asked and shook hands with him. "Um…we're kinda in a hurry."

"Oh, I'm sorry if I came at a bad time?" The portly man apologized.

"Mr. McBride, is something amiss?" Lincoln walked up to him, his gut telling him this probably wasn't just a friendly visit.

Looking at Lynn, Ryan pointed at the visitor and she whispered into his ear.

"Oh…." He nodded. "Hmmm….odd? I expected him to talk with a lisp?"

"It's nothing serious, Lincoln. I was just wondering if your sister Lori could drop by for a quick little visit?" Harold told him.

Lynn Sr. frowned. "Oh…..she's probably on her way to Great Lake City, I'm afraid. She's going to….a family reunion for her boyfriend, wants to get familiar with them, their customs and such, so are me and Rita."

Harold's face faltered. "That's not good….eh….but could she possibly make a skype call to Clyde, he really needs to see her right now, alive and well."

"Of course she can, but what for?" Rita asked.

Lincoln didn't like the sound of that. "Is something wrong with Clyde?" he asked worriedly.

"Oh, nothing too serious. He has just gone catatonic."

"Catatonic?" Lincoln's eyes widened.

"Don't worry, Lincoln. He doesn't have any medical issues; it's one of those self-imposed, psychosocially-induced comas." Harold explained to him. "He experiences those whenever he gets mislead into believing that something horrific has happened, like our fridge breaking down and the food getting moldy. We just have to snap him out of it."

Lincoln relaxed, being familiar with Clyde's episodes. "Oh…..so what is it this time? It's about Lori?"

"Apparently some jokester sent him a prank call saying Lori was dead or comatose." Harold shook his head. "Poor boy takes such nonsense at face value."

"Prank call?" Lincoln remembered and sent Ryan and Luan a glare. They looked away and whistled innocently.

"Oh my? What some kids will do for a cheap laugh." Lynn Sr. shook his head. "Well, we'll be passing by the Santiagos' residence anyway, if they and Lori haven't left yet we'll tell her to drop by. If not, a skype will have to do then."

"Good one, dark but funny…." Lynn whispered and elbowed Ryan approvingly, earning a glare from Lincoln and rolled her eyes in response.

"It was Spooky, actually…." Ryan admitted, causing Lynn to turn nervous.

"Well, thank you very much. Have a nice trip." Harold left and waved goodbye.

"See you soon." Lynn Sr. waved back before turning back to his kids. "Well, we must head our separate ways now. You kids will behave, as promised?"

"We will, don't worry." Lincoln reconfirmed.

"Goodbye." Lynn said simply.

"Yeah…..see ya." A crabby Luna muttered with her arms crossed.

Luan still felt angry at them for taking Kathleen's gifts but she relented. "Enjoy your trip."

"Adios." Ryan saluted them in jest.

"Goodbye, kids." Rita waved as she sat in the driver's seat. Her husband sat next to her and gave her the keys, and she started the engine. The car moved out of the driveway and onto the road.

The kids and their parents waved goodbye one last time before the car drove away.

Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan all felt chills as they observed Renee's demeanor shift ever so slightly, her face grew even colder and even more deprived of emotion.

"Get your sisters and form a rank in the living room." She stated firmly.

"Rank? What for?" Luna asked belligerently.

Renee's face darkened. "It's time I introduced myself properly. And lay down the rules."

"Rank?" Luan looked scared before chuckling nervously. "Um…..Ren? Can I call you Ren?"

"No." Renee said flatly.

"Luan, don't bother-" Ryan tried to tell her but she stepped forward anyway.

"You aren't really some strict, humorless stick-in-the-mud, right? You just put on an act to make sure you're ahead of the other babysitters?" the comedian tried to cling on to some hope that the fears she felt in Renee's presence were unjustified.

"No, I'm an authoritarian and disciplinarian who is an austere but just guardian when dealing with children. Of course, when dealing with miscreants, as you Louds clearly are, I'm seldom bestowed with the opportunity to be just."

"Huh?" Luan made a face.

"Don't bother trying to comprehend; I know I've lost you already." Renee dismissed her. Luan scowled.

Ryan drew a breath to retort but his sister was quick to cut him off. "If I hear one obscene word from you, you can kiss your participation in the "sleepover" goodbye."

Ryan glowered at her but refrained from speaking. Lynn seethed and balled her fists.

Renee clapped her hands. "Enough senseless pleasantries! Round up the rest of the imbeciles and assemble in the living room. You have fifteen minutes."

"You can't talk to us like that!" Luna complained. "How about showing some respect!"

"As long as I'm in charge I'm entitled to treat you however I wish." Renee brushed her off by handing her the contract Lynn Sr. signed. "Feel free to keep it and read it thoroughly, it's just one of multiple copies."

"Contact?" Luan tried taking a gander herself.

"As for your desire to be treated with respect? I will, once you've earned it." Renee shrugged and turned around. "Doubtful you will." She added snidely while heading for the door.

"Why you!" Luna grew livid and followed her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Ryan warned her but she ignored him.

"I don't have to take orders from a snob like you!" she grabbed Renee by the shoulder, more forcefully than she had intended. Luna yelped as her arm was caught in a crushing grip.

Her siblings gawked in shock as Luna was judo slammed to the ground. Stunned by the sudden impact, Luna gasped as Renee pressed her foot into her chest and loomed over her menacingly.

"And it would be unwise of you to challenge my authority." Renee stated coldly.

"Wow, she really is tough….." Lynn mumbled in utter bewilderment.

Ryan snorted. "You're acting like I didn't warn ya? It's in the blood."

"Yes, ma'am! Whatever you say, ma'am." The petrified rocker saluted her.

"Anyone else wish to challenge me?" Renee turned to the others. Luan and Lincoln fearfully shook their heads while Lynn boiled angrily but held herself back.

Renee narrowed her eyes. "And what about you, brother?"

Ryan glared back. "Nope…..I said I would behave. You're the boss now, sis." He struggled not to vomit after saying that. "Your word is the law."

Renee studied him warily. Her brother was being far more agreeable than usual today? Knowing him, she suspected he might be up to something. Or was he actually being sincere about his loyalties to his equally misbehaved girlfriend who Renee doubted had any intention to improve her family's home life? Renee said she would be the judge of that.

"Very well then." She humored him for the moment and lifted her heel off Luna's chest. "Now, how about we proceed with protocol?"

The kids reluctantly obliged and followed her, while Luna moaned in pain as she lifted herself up.

"BUT…." Renee suddenly halted them from entering "…..first I need to know what that hatch in the bushes is?" she pointed to her left.

"T-that? That's our bunker." Lincoln replied.

"Bunker?" their sitter cocked an eyebrow.

"Yes, ma'am." Luna hectically nodded. "We use it to ditch Luan whenever she goes on a pranking spree!"

"You what?!" the enraged comedian clenched her fists.

"A bunker?" Renee repeated in a more intrigued tone.

"That could come in handy? You!" she looked down on Luna, who quivered under her stare. "Go and shut off the power to the bunker, assuming you have any lighting there. I have a hunch I'll be needing it later…."

The siblings did not like the sound of that. Luna nodded obediently and scrambled away.


"Ryan, I don't want to be mean or disrespectful…but you were right, your sister is a real…" Luan stopped herself from saying something overly profane "…a real jerk!"

"I know what you were going to say." Ryan grumbled as they, together with Lincoln and Lynn, went upstairs to fetch the rest of the Louds. "Unfortunately, I've forfeited my right to express myself freely in order to get her to let me stay here."

"I dunno, a day or two without swearing might actually help you fine-tune your vocabulary." Lincoln snarked. Lynn sniggered while Ryan shot him a dirty glare.

"But why let her push you around, I thought you said you never took any…. crud from her?" Luan asked. They all had to refrain from using any colorful language, for that was the first rule Renee established once they reentered the house, and according to Ryan, she had "ears like a serval".

"I don't, but my hands are tied right now." Ryan explained while miming having his hands bound. "Your dad signed a contract which temporarily gives her legal ownership of her client's home while the client is absent."

"How did she acquire such a contract in the first place?"

"How do I know, I'm not a fr….stupid lawyer?" Ryan shrugged exasperatedly. "Renee's a lot more savvy about local laws."

"So you're saying we're now her property or something?"

"Yeah, that's about sums it up." Lynn said cynically. "Ryan here said she was the only person cut out for taking care of us so we won't demolish the house."

"You said you needed someone hardcore for the job." The boy countered. "If her manhandling of Pixie Poon was any indicator, she's handling it quite well."

"But….but….she's so cold and mean? And scary?" Luan pouted.

"Oh? Now you've noticed?" Lynn scoffed.

"I never said she wasn't, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind." Ryan explained while slamming his fist into his palm. "Renee's basically an evil teacher stuck in a teen's body, who else would be better suited for striking fear into the hearts of rambunctious kids?"

"I hate to agree with that, but he's right. A nice babysitter wouldn't last an afternoon with our sisters." Lincoln added. He should know, he lived through the original unfolding of today's events."

"Besides, we gotta round up your sisters. Renee has a very dim view of tardiness." Ryan urged them.

Luan did not want to know what that entailed; Renee's icy glare alone gave her shivers. And she, out of anyone, had no right to try and refute the claim that her family was destructive.

"Well…..okay, I'll get Lucy?"

Lynn turned frantic. "Nope, I'll look for her!" she pointed at herself, earning confused stares. "Eh…..you know how crafty she is when she goes into hiding? Only someone with keen eyesight and fast reflexes might find her."

"Does she even know that mom and dad hit the road?" Luan asked worriedly. "She was pretty adamant about telling our folks about Lyle by the end of the day. I kinda feel like I tricked her into keeping quiet." She rubbed her arm, looking ashamed of herself.

The other three looked nervous. "Don't be stupid, Lu." Lynn spoke up anxiously. "If she wanted to tell them so badly, she wouldn't have gone awol on us? I think she's starting to understand that these things need to be handled…..eh delicately."

"But that creep deserves to-"

"We'll deal with him in due time, Luan." Lincoln reassured her. "But now's not the time for chitchat, Renee's waiting downstairs."

"Well….I guess…" Luan shrugged "….I guess I'll get Leni then?"

"You do that. That leaves the clones and….Lizzie?" Ryan grew uncomfortable mentioning the latter, as did Lynn and especially Lincoln.

His expression turned sour. He knew this was inevitable, he had to face Lisa again eventually, but bad blood still flew between them. Last time he had seen her, he said some pretty harsh parting words in a fit of very justifiable and unadulterated rage. All things considered, he didn't regret it, not after what her inane scientific curiosity nearly caused.

Ryan sighed. "I'll go fetch Lizzie….I wanted to ask her something anyway."

"Fine….I'll get the twins." A bitter Lincoln muttered under his breath.

"Alright, let's get a move on!" Lynn clapped her hands and the four split up.

Once the others were out of sight, Lynn gulped, backtracked and headed towards Lincoln's room, pulling his room key out of her pocket. This stunt of hers was bound to cause some friction within their team, especially if Lucy would join them.

She unlocked the door and nervously opened it, expecting to be greeted with an enraged sister. Instead, Lynn's eyes widened as she found the room completely empty. How was this possible? She had tossed her here and locked the door?

Panicking, Lynn closed the door and started rummaging the place. She looked under the bed and behind the clothes rack? Where was she? Even a shrimp like Lucy couldn't possibly hide in a freaking closet?

After a few minutes, Lynn realized that she was truly gone and panicked even more. Was Lucy actually capable of teleportation? And where was she now?

"This is not good…." She muttered to herself, clutching her hair.


"Leni? Hey, Leni? Wake up." Luan shook the second oldest Loud by the shoulder.

Leni yawned and sat up in her bed. "Awww….Lori…I don't wanna go to school?" She yawned again. "Just five more minutes?"

Luan rolled her eyes. "It's summer, Leni. And I'm Luan."

"Luan?" Leni questioned before jolting in fear and felt around, grabbing Luan's face by accident, much to her annoyance.

Leni gasped and cupped her face. "Luan?! I can't see anything?! I've gone blind! Or did someone turn off the sun?!"

"Oh, for the love of…" the comedian grumbled and pulled off her sister's sleep mask.

"I can see!" Leni beamed while observing her own hand. "Oh, thanks, Luan! You cured my blindness."

"Too bad there's no cure for the stupids…." The comedian muttered.

"You say something?" Leni smiled.

"Nothing." Luan feigned innocence and grabbed her arm. "You can have your beauty rest later. Mom, dad and Lori went on a trip, and we have to meet our babysitter."


Lisa was lying under her blanket, having nothing else to do but to wallow in self-pity. She's been there for hours, feeling no incentive to move or to do anything. What could she do? It would probably lead to chaos and misery anyway?

"Rise and shine, MacGyver!" the blanket was suddenly pulled off her, exposing her to the blinding lights. "You'll have your afternoon nap some other time."

She recognized that voice and saw Ryan smirking at her. "Or were you secretly plotting your next world-ending scientific experiment, naughty little mad scientist?" he wiggled his finger disapprovingly.

Lisa felt a conflicting wave of emotions. First, it was anger, at being bothered and made fun of by this witless nitwit, but that was soon overridden by another wave of self-loathing guilt after being immediately reminded of the exact cause behind her depression.

"What do you want?" she asked coldly, struggling not to cry. Merely seeing this guy again brought back plenty of fresh and painful memories.

Ryan smirked. Their last meeting hadn't ended on friendly terms but he knew what to do to force her into doing him a favor.

"Well, young Einstein…." Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "To make a long story short: your folks and Blondy hit the road, probably won't be back till tomorrow, which means you and your siblings just got yourself a babysitter, she's also my sister, meaning I'll be staying over for the night…..again, and Renee's liable to get very angry if you're late for the meeting, and might punish you. Got that?"

"Of course I have processed that minuscule nugget of information!" Lisa ranted. "But why did they leave?"

"What do I know? I ain't their secretary." Ryan quipped. "Now, I'd advise you to get down pronto. If you thought the zombie Louds were scary, you haven't seen Renee when someone isn't punctual."

There he went again. He had to remind her of her misdeed with every single response. The genius grew livid and stood up on her bed, although that was still not enough to be on eye level with Ryan.

"Why do you feel compelled to repeatedly remind me of that incident? Do you have to keep pouring salt into the proverbial wound!"

"I'm noticing a lack of science equipment here?" Ryan looked around, ignoring her question. "Didn't have the money to restock?"

"My endeavors are not your concern, Ryan Taylor." Lisa stated angrily.

And there was his opening.

"Funny you should say that? If memory serves, your last endeavor was very much my concern?" Ryan snarked. "Actually, if I'm not mistaken, me and Lincoln had to clean up that little mess of yours? Y'know? The flue-zombie apocalypse? The one no one will ever know we risked our necks preventing? All because of you?"

And just like that, Lisa crumbled like wet newspaper. She plopped down on her butt and a tear poured down her cheek. "Fine, we reconfirmed that I am, as you so eloquently phrased it, a menace to society that should be locked up?" She sniffed as more tears poured down her face. "Are you happy now?"

She seemed pretty broken up about it? Who wouldn't be after nearly causing the outbreak of a fatal disease? That only got confirmed as she continued sobbing.

But Ryan had no time to give her pity. This was a golden opportunity to fix a smaller issue incognito.

"Well, considering what I did, I think you owe me a solid, Lizzie-kins." Ryan said casually.

"What favor?" Lisa sniffed, unable to make him out form all her tears.

"Cut the waterworks, Lizzie. What's done is done." He told her curtly and shrugged. "You messed up big time and there's no getting around that. But at least nobody died, so that's something?"

Lisa couldn't tell if this was sympathy or apathy coming from him? But what did it matter? "So what is it you request?" she asked him dejectedly.

Taking the chance, Ryan showed her his palm and moved the bandage back. "I had a little accident; those don't look infected to you, do they? We tried to clean them up and all."

"How did you require those lacerations?" Though she was in a state of depression, Lisa could still compose herself when something caught her curiosity.

"Well, I didn't' want to worry Lynn, so let's keep this between us, kay? A dog bit me…..on both hands."

"A canine attacked you?" Lisa raised an eyebrow. "And how did that come to be?"

"I wouldn't ask so many questions if I were you. Remember? Who helped save the planet from your zombie experiment?" Ryan wasted no time on the guilt-tripping, and it worked like a charm.

Lisa shrank with shame. "Alright, I'm familiar with medicinal practices. I'll look it over later."

Ryan felt relieved. "But what about that gathering with your female sibling you spoke of?"

Ryan snorted. "Given how "fun-loving" and eloquent you are, I'm sure you two will click immediately."


In the twins' room, Lana, having checked out before she could even change into her PJs, was sleeping soundly in her bed, which was adjacent to the row of enclosures that contained her pet amphibians and reptiles, and at the end of it were her newest additions; the snipe family, which were desperately pecking and biting into the bars, trying to escape.

Lola was lying in her bed, face planted into the pillow she was clutching, and into which she had been screaming for hours until her voice blew out. The worn-out Lana, miraculously, slept through it, being used to her loudmouthed twin's crying and whining.

Even Lana's snoring couldn't snap Lola out of her "woe is me" funk and get her out of bed.

"If I ever get my hands on those thieving scoundrels, I'll grind them into mincemeat, and then make burgers out of it AND THEN serve them to their families!" she screamed inwardly, her throat hurting too much by this point to say it out loud.

Suddenly she heard a thud. Mumbling irritably, she looked up and saw Marceline standing below the window.

"That furball?" Lola wanted to yell at her to get lost but found herself unable to.

Marceline paid no mind to the brat's coughing and wheezing as she looked through the room curiously. Her pupils dilated as she finally spotted something of interest. A multi-species buffet lined up on the dresser.

Lola wheezed and shook her fists flippantly but was thoroughly ignored by the feline. Steaming with rage, she jumped out of bed and tried to stir her twin awake.

Marceline first inspected the water-filled glass cage containing the amphibians. The various frogs and salamanders jumped off their rocks and dived under as they saw the cat licking her chops. Hops was sleeping on his rock when the sound of purring woke him up. Upon coming face to face to with Marceline's comparatively gigantic mug and sharp fangs, he jumped high while letting out a terrified ribbit and followed the rest of them under the surface.

Marceline also observed the snakes which were trying to hide under the sticks and leaves in their enclosure, and the geckos and lizards which were huddling together in a corner. So many tasty morsels, where to start? Frog legs? Scrumptious salamanders? Maybe with a smidgeon of serpent? Hot wings?

Hot wings?! Marceline soon forgot about the rest once she laid her eyes upon the caged snipes, which started chirping and flapping their wings in fear.

Lola shook her twin by her jacket until she finally opened her eyes. "W-Wut? Whatz goin on?" she slurred groggily before being smacked in the shoulder. "Hey, what was that for!" she snapped at the princess.

The irritated Lola tried chewing her out, but couldn't and clutched her aching throat.

"What's your deal? I though Luan was the mime?" Lana yawned. Lola clenched her teeth and pointed ahead.

"Marceline? You're back!" Lana beamed and skipped towards the cage.

The snipes quivered as Marceline rubbed her body and tail against their cage, wrapping herself around it like a feather boa in eager anticipation, purring excitably.

"What brings you here?" Lana grabbed her by the waist. Marceline dug her claws into the furniture as she was pulled into a bear hug. "Pew…you're heavy." Lana laughed while squeezing her.

Marceline growled irritably, not peeling her eyes away from the birds.

"Did you meet all my friends? Lemme introduce you?" Lana held her up to the birdcage. "First, meet my newest ones, Sasha and Stan, and their little babies!"

Marceline sure was eager to meet them, and hoped Lana would open the cage for some more up-close interaction. The birds backed themselves up against the cage in utter terror as the feline licked her chops again.

Lola came to yell at her twin to get the cat out, minus the yelling.

"What's with the arm flailing? If you got something to say; spit it out." Lana mocked her, much to her chagrin.

"Like this!" Lana boasted and shot out a mucus-filled spitball aimed at the door, which ended up hitting Lincoln in the chest instead as he opened the door.

Lola looked away and covered her mouth in disgust while Lana flinched and dropped Marceline.

"Ups…..sorry, Lincoln."

"I suppose I'll need a change of wardrobe." The boy deadpanned and exhaled.

"Lana, you're revolting!" was what Lola intended to yell at her sister, but could only mime it.

"Look, guys. We gotta assemble in the living room, asap. Mom, dad and Lori went on a trip and our babysitter is eager to meet us all."

"Babysitter?" Lana lamented. "You mean they went on a road trip and they left the rest of us in the dirt? That's not fair!"

"I'm sure you wouldn't find a funeral parlor very exciting." Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Don't get worked up over it, Lana. They just went to meet the rest of Bobby's family and I'm sure it's gonna be boring."

Lola was likewise upset about being excluded and flailed her arms up wildly.

"Not now, Lola. We have to get down." Lincoln told them before spotting Marceline back on the dresser, next to the birdcage, and promptly picked her up.

"Oh, no you don't. You're going with us. Lana, make sure to close the window and lock the door."


"Why am I not surprised? Shiftless little procrastinators." Renee grumbled while observing her wristwatch and tapping her foot near the bottom of the stairs.

Luna stood at attention next to her, sweating profusely as her bladder was close to exploding.

"Ma'am? Can I ask for permission to speak?"

"What?"

"Can I please use the bathroom? I had a large soda two hours ago-"

"Permission denied, not until we're done with procedures." Renee said stiffly.

"You're Ryan's sister! It's so totes awesome to meet you!" Leni caught her off guard and embraced her in a bear hug. "Any sister of his is a sister of ours!"

Luan and Luan looked away as Leni was pinned face-first against the wall. Renee grabbed the back of Leni's head and twisted her left arm behind her back.

"I thought I told your punk sister that challenging my authority is unwise?" Renee barked.

"Ow….you're hurting me." Leni whimpered.

Seeing the scuffle from atop the stairs, Ryan snickered with enjoyment. "Serves that sly vixen right!"

"Why are you laughing at this unprecedented display of brutality?" Lisa asked.

"Never mind that." Ryan snorted and dragged her along.

"Take it easy, Renee." Luan spoke up. "She just wanted to hug you."

"I don't hug." Renee said coldly as she pulled Leni by her arm and sent her spinning into the rank, to Luna's right. She sent Luan a glare and the comedian scrambled to stand next to Leni.

"The rank is in age order."

"Sorry!" Luan gulped and relocated herself to Luna's left.

Feeling a tad dizzy from the spin, Leni chuckled. "Woowzy, you have a very strong grip?" she told their sitter happily. "Did you get that from carrying heavy shopping bags? Fiona says that's great workout for women?"

She stopped when a pointer stick was pointed between her eyes.

"I didn't give you permission to speak." Renee warned her.

"Don't worry, I'm not crazy about gossip too." Leni admitted candidly. "Do you want to do each other's hair instead?"

"Psssstt….Leni?" Luna told her, fearing her idiot sister would incur the wrath of Renee. "We're playing freeze tag and you're "it"." She finished by tapping Leni's arm.

"Oh? I get it." Leni nodded and froze stiff.

"Better…" Renee shook her head. "How quaint, another brain-dead imbecile." Luan and Luna sighed with relief.

"You sure showed the troublemaker who's boss, sis." Ryan chuckled approvingly. "By the by, I brought the baby of the bunch!" he proclaimed while lifting Lisa up by her hand.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance?" the disheveled toddler said for the sake of courtesy.

Renee didn't care for pleasantries. "In line, now. Oldest to youngest." she pointed at the rank.

"Yes, sir." Ryan snarked but obeyed. "Come along, Tiny." He pulled Lisa with him and took his position next to Luan, who looked at him pleadingly.

Ryan gave her a reassuring smile while Lisa scooted away as a nervous Lynn arrived between them.

"You okay? Where's Spooky?" Ryan turned to her.

"I couldn't find her." Lynn told him.

"What's going on here? Are we playing solider?" Lana asked her brother, as they and Lola came down the stairs. Lana was ironically the only one dressed properly for such an occasion.

"Some kind of protocol, just keep your heads down and listen to Ryan's sister." Lincoln explained while carrying Marceline.

"Sister?! Not another one of those creeps!" Lola lamented inwardly but couldn't get herself to voice her disdain. Neither of her siblings had taken much notice of her uncharacteristic quietness and it drove her nuts!

Renee awaited them below and stopped them dead in their tracks by pointing her stick at the cat. "You brought that little pest with you?" she asked disdainfully.

Lincoln scowled. "What did you expect? You and Ryan are both here, where else is she going to stay?"

"Allow me." Renee relieved him of the cat by lifting her by the scruff of her neck. She squirmed and meowed in agitation.

"Hey, you can't treat her like that!" Lana protested.

Renee ignored her and dropped Marceline away from them like a trash bag, before shooing her away with her foot. Marceline jumped on the couch and hissed at her.

"Why are you so mean to her?" Lana complained.

"Does this hag have no sense of fashion?! Why is she dressed like a mousy school teacher! And that blemish on her chin!" Lola wanted so bad to tear her apart with her trademark critique but couldn't and was reduced to making exaggerated gestures in a vain attempt to get her point across.

Renee didn't care much to answer and pointed at the rank. "Get in line."

"Come on, girls." Lincoln grabbed the twins by the arms and led them to the rank, knowing they were both itching to give their sitter an earful. Renee followed them.

Marceline growled at the girl before seeing something in the corner of her eye. She spotted Cliff sleeping on the armchair, and that immediately caught her attention.

Lisa shrank as she saw Lincoln coming. Noticing her, Lincoln gave her a brief glare before quickly opting to look away.

"Lynn, where's Lucy?" he asked the jock while taking his position next to her. Renee heard him and immediately cut in.

"Yes, where is the goth brat?"

"Um….I couldn't find her?" Lynn answered hesitantly.

"Couldn't find her?" Renee narrowed her eyes.

"She sometimes disappears when doing….. her stuff?" Lynn explained nervously. "It's hard to track her down when she does that."

"Trying to evade me, is she?" Renee concluded with thinly-veiled contempt. "Very well, that will cost her dearly. We shall proceed without the little psychopath."

Her tone made Lincoln worry, as well as the other two. Renee obviously had a very dim view of the little goth, and this misunderstanding only made it worse.

Ryan glowered at her. "Don't get so uppity about it. This kid probably had no clue about her parents leaving. She's not trying to mess with you."

Lincoln wanted to chime in, but Lynn beat him to the punch. "Yeah, nobody told her anything before our folks left. It's an honest mistake."

"We'll see about that….." Renee replied grimly and moved on.

She proceeded to stroll back and worth parallel to the rank, observing every single one of the siblings. She was already familiar with a few of them a bit more than the others, but most of them were not hard to figure out.

An idiot, a frat girl punk, a wannabe class clown, an unruly and hot-headed sports junkie, a psychopath in the making, and an odd couple of twins, a tomboy and spoiled princess. Only the boy and the spectacled toddler were harder to figure out on first glance.

"Alright, miscreants!" she shouted to get everyone's attention and paced back. "I'm Renee Taylor and I will be your guardian for the ensuing thirty-three hours. Your parents paid me to keep you in line, and keep you delinquents in line I will. You don't like me and I don't like you, and I'm perfectly content with that, as I despise children in general but one's career options are limited while you're fourteen, and this was the most dignified line of work available."

"Oh brother, please don't give us a speech." Ryan rolled his eyes as his sister passed by him.

"At least that cunt's honest about herself." Lynn thought snidely.

"If you hate children why would you wanna work with them? Is the prestige worth it?" Lincoln mused.

"For the next thirty-three hours, I am in charge and you will answer to me. Any harebrained ideas your limited minds might cook up can't be enacted without my permission, so expect a lot of denied requests."

"Can someone please unfreeze me? My arms and legs are getting tired." Leni pleaded.

"No!" Renee pointed her pointer at her. "And no back-talking! Since I have a lengthy list of rules that you punks must follow while under my watch, I have taken the liberty of writing them down." She continued as she walked past Lisa and grabbed a stack of papers from the TV stand.

She returned and handed a flyer over to each of them until she reached Leni, who remained as stiff as a board with her arms pressed against her body.

Renee rolled her eyes and tapped her arm.

"Pew, thanks, I couldn't keep it up much longer." Leni exhaled when a paper was shoved into her hands. "Um…what's this?"

"That's what all of you will have to memorize if you wish-"

"You mean we have to do a test?!" Leni gasped and bit her fingers before sobbing uncontrollably into her hands. "I don't do well with standardized exams!"

Her siblings cast her annoyed glares, Ryan watched her warily while Renee looked at her dumbfounded before scowling with annoyance.

"You're not doing a test, you melodramatic moron. Those are the house rules you will have to follow. And you don't have to memorize them as long as you keep your flyer. I wouldn't expect any of you miscreants to have the mental capacity to remember your own phone number."

"Must resist urge to wring her neck…" Lynn reminded herself.

"Oh? That's much better!" Leni immediately perked up. "Um…but can you give me a new one? I think my tears smeared the ink?"

Renee rolled her eyes and continued pacing. "Now, as some of you have already been informed." She said while making sure Luna knew she was eyeing her. "I'm a strict but fair individual. As long as you follow the rules, I will be more than content to allow you to continue frolicking around the house, engaging in your frivolous and ingenuous pastimes…..provided I approve of said activities as suitable for your impressionable little minds."

Groaning, Lana tried stepping out of rank. "This is boring, I'm gonna-OW!" a whack on her wrist made her stumble back in line. "Ow…that really hurt…" she shed a tear while rubbing her wrist, which soon grew a red stripe.

"But make no mistake, should you break any rule, you will be punished. One strike, it's the corner for you, two strikes and you'll have a time out, three strikes…..oh, I pity anyone foolish enough to go that far. And you just earned your first strike, kid." She finished by glaring at Lana, who glared back.

"You gotta be adaptable and quick on the uptake to survive Renee." Ryan shook his head dejectedly, knowing Lana was too naïve for that.

"Now, are there any questions?"

Everyone sans Ryan and Lisa lifted a hand.

"Do you prefer pillow fights or trying out your friend's dresses at slumber parties?" Leni asked excitably.

"Can I please use the bathroom!?" Luna cried, sweating bullets.

"Does practicing ventriloquism, magic tricks and miming count as unsuitable pastimes?" Luan asked timidly.

"I know you won't let me play sports of any kind so can I at least watch TV?" Lynn asked sourly.

"Why did you hit me? And can I leave this boring game and play in a mud hole?" Lana lamented angrily.

Lola gaped wide and pointed at her mouth while jumping around frantically.

"Those who behave well? Do they get special privileges?" Lincoln asked last.

"Lily-livered teacher's pet." Lana grumbled bitterly.

"I despise both ideas. No, not until one final procedure. Those activities are idiotic but harmless, so go ahead. You are very correct, Lynn, and yes, provided I approve of whatever you wish to view. Because you broke protocol, and no playing in the mud, that's rule number thirty-eight. You, quit prancing around and ask an actual question."

"As for your question?" She turned to Lincoln. "I said I was fair, so you'll see. And I'd encourage you to be on your best behavior and try to outshine the others. That goes for all of you."

"And lastly, remember that dinner will be at 7 p.m, which you will all attend or go hungry tonight, and 9.30 p.m is time for bed. Staying past curfew will be met with severe retribution. That said, there's one final procedure we must cover, before we can move on…. hand over your phones."

"What?!" there was a chorus of horrified gasps.

"I must assure, while on duty, that you don't mingle with any unsavory figures. Therefore, any contact with the outside world will be done under my supervision. Now hand them over." Renee explained while holding up a sack labeled "confiscated".

She was immediately met with a quiet resistance. "Or do any of you wish to challenge me?"

"Whatever, I don't know anyone in this town but these guys anyway." Ryan reluctantly obliged and dropped his phone in the sack. He looked back at the siblings. "Don't be crybabies about it, she'll tear them away from you one way or the other."

Lincoln sighed and silently parted with his phone.

"We mustn't disrespect authority." Lisa walked up to Renee and dropped her phone in the sack, much to her brother's surprise.

Boiling with rage, it took every ounce of Lynn's willpower to take the required amount of steps to reach the sack, then to lift her phone out of her pocket and she almost gave up trying to release her grip on it before letting it fall in. A crestfallen Luan followed, she had no one to contact anyway.

The rest of them weren't quite as cooperative.

"Dude, please, this is inhumane…." Luna cried but one glare from Renee made her relent.

"No, please, what if my friend's call me?" Leni begged as she tugged over her phone with Renee, who easily tore it out of her grasp and dropped it into her sack.

"Renee, I also have these?" Lincoln was suddenly holding three walkie-talkies. Renee eyed him suspiciously but nonetheless opened the sack and let him drop them in.

"That just leaves you two." She turned to the twins and held up the sack.

"Naha! You're not getting my phone, you mean ol'witch!" Lana held on tight to hers, as did Lola, who wanted to say all kinds of nasty things to Renee but couldn't.

Within a second, they were both grabbed by their leg and were suddenly dangling upside down. Renee shook them until they dropped their phones, before dropping them.

"That's one strike for you." Renee told Lola as she scooped up the phones. "And your second one." She told Lana. "You both know what that means."

"How dare she?!" Lola was beyond furious. Without a second thought, she pounced on Renee and tried throttling her but was easily pulled back by the unfazed teen, who let her squirm around and kick and swat aimlessly as she dangled from the collar of her dress.

"And you've just earned your second strike as well." Renee shook her head. "On the upside, I can make an example out of the two of you."


"You're on a time out." Renee unceremoniously tossed the twins into their room. "Stay quiet for an hour and you're free."

The twins got up and angrily ran at her.

"Hey, you can't do tha-"Renee slammed the door shut before Lana could finish and locked it.

"I hope you all learned a lesson from them?" she told the rest, who watched her uneasily while the twins banged on the door.

"Sure did." A sweaty and bulgy-eyed Luna nodded frantically while doing the pee-pee dance. "Can I go to the bathroom now?!"

"You may." Renee gave permission. Biting her lip, Luna nodded and bolted away.

"Gee, weren't you a little too harsh on them?" Leni asked. "I mean, I know Lola tried to strangle you but-"

"But nothing. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." Renee told her coldly before thinking of a way to get the idiot out of her hair. "How about you go to your room and read through the rules like a good girl, so you don't accidentally end up in the same predicament?"

"Oh, that's a good idea; I wouldn't want to do anything naughty." Leni nodded and left.

Lisa raised a finger. "You may resume your nap, little one. Go on." Renee shooed her.

Swallowing a lump, Lisa looked at the others. Lincoln and Lynn swiftly looked away from her, Luan shifted nervously while caught up in her own thoughts, and only Ryan acknowledged her, giving a subtle nod.

"Okay…." Lisa looked down and walked to her room.

Renee turned her attention back to the remaining four. Lynn glared at her with pure contempt while Luan hid behind Ryan.

"Don't look so suspicious, we're going to kick back and do some idle chitchat in the backyard, if you don't mind?" Ryan told her. "We know you'll be watching us like a hawk, we won't be up to anything, I swear."

Renee narrowed her eyes. "You do that; I'll have to prepare dinner anyway. And trust me, if you're plotting something, I'll know it before you even try it."

"Thanks for your ominous warning, we'll be going now." Ryan snarked as he led his group away from his sister, who watched them warily.

"Ryan, she's still watching us." Luan said fearfully.

"Just ignore her and keep going, I'll be with you in a jiffy."

"What do you plan to do?" Lynn asked him.

"A private talk between siblings." Ryan reassured them, his sister listening in suspiciously. "It will only take a minute."

Reluctantly, the others departed. Ryan braced himself and walked back to his sister.

"Got something else to say?" she narrowed her eyes.

"I just want to lend you a helping hand." Ryan smirked. "I've known the Louds longer than you, so I thought I could give you some tips."

"And what would those be?"

"I can see you ain't fond of Lucy." He sneered. "And that's fine, to each their own, but don't get all vindictive with her cuz it ain't worth it. She might be weird but Lucy's the nicest and quietest of them, she would rather sit in a corner and write a poem than cause havoc. You might as well ignore her, since I can assure you that she would never dream of causing trouble."

"Riiiight…" Renee said less-than-convinced. "Of course, if you describe someone as "nice", any rational person would logically come to the opposite conclusion."

"I'm serious, Renee." Ryan frowned, growing tired of her skepticism. "She won't be troublesome, if anything, it's the blonde one you should be wary of, she's a sly one."

"The blonde airhead?" Renee scoffed. "From what I have seen, she seems like a garden-variety idiot."

"Looks can be deceiving, you oughta know that. I've peeked under her mask." Ryan disagreed. "She's way too nice and ignorant to be genuine. When I first met her, she was all warm and welcoming and hugged me and stuff, never once did she scream or even call me ugly! And she also claimed to be crushing on a fat guy. Don't you see, it's some kind of elaborate ruse to remain under the radar so she can manipulate people with her nice girl routine."

Renee considered that. "That does sound suspicious, but it could very well be due to her underdeveloped mind being incapable of properly reading, processing and interpreting things."

"It's not, I can assure you." Ryan said adamantly as he backed away. "You better watch your back while she's around, or else you might regret it later." With that, he ran off after his friends, leaving Renee to contemplate.

She highly doubted that anything her brother said about Lucy was remotely true, but Leni? Ryan was obviously seeing things that weren't there…..but then again? She did grab her by surprise back there? She might not be strong, but she might have a devious mind to compensate for that?

"Better be safe than sorry." She made a mental note, opting to keep a close eye on Leni.


The twins, meanwhile, had finally given up on trying to break free.

"Nice going, doofus!" Lana yelled at her twin. "Because of your temper, we got ourselves into trouble.

"My fault! The nerve!" Lola was absolutely livid. "Youh…..made…hher…mahd…" Lola managed to muster up a very strained and raspy response.

"What's wrong? You're losing your voice?" Lana taunted her. "That's what you get for screaming so much!"

"Not…..fhault…" Lola rasped while pointing at herself before pointing at Lana. "Yhou…tho strikeh…..fhirst….idioth…" her vocal cords soon gave up on her, so instead of going on she just blew a raspberry.

"You're the idiot! At least I never attacked her." Lana huffed and stuck her own tongue out.

Unable to force another sound, Lola went for the "actions speak louder than words" approach and pushed Lana.

Lana growled and returned the favor, pushing her harder.

Steaming madly, Lola swiftly snatched her sister's cap and grabbed the bill.

Lana gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"

Lola grinned evilly. After having her pageant ruined, losing her voice and getting into trouble thanks to Lana's stupidity, not to mention Lana trying to blackmail her last night and scaring Donnie Dufresne away with her vulgar attitude, she was feeling anything but generous and ripped the bill off.

"My hat!" Lana cried.

"Uhh…pss…" she shrugged as she let the cap and the bill drop.

"That was low! Even for you!" Lana turned crimson with rage.

Lola sneered and started wringing her fists in front of her eyes while making a pouty face.

"You stupid cow! I'll kill you!" a furious Lana tackled her to the floor and they started fighting. They began biting and scratching each other and pulling each other's hair, which soon escalated into trading blows.