The Wolf You Feed
Chapter 83
Rowan felt like one hot sweaty mess. Her stomach was churning. She was bumping into anything and everything, tripping over her own feet. She made herself a mug of chamomile tea to help herself calm down. And then dropped it, spilling tea and smashing the mug all over the floor. Olivia helped her clean it up.
Sitting through an entire meal while pretending she didn't know her own husband was one of the hardest things Rowan ever had to do in her life. But what came after was worse. When Negan took her back to their room and fucked her. Just the thought of his disgusting mouth on hers was enough to send Rowan hauling ass back over to the sink. She leaned forward, forcing herself to take deep breaths and will the bile back down.
"Hey freckles," Dwight called out from his seat near the doorway, "you don't look so good. Maybe I should take you back to your room?"
"NO," Rowan and Olivia hollered in unison.
Dwight narrowed his eyes at the women. Something strange was going on with Rowan today. Even stranger than normal. And that was saying a lot because she was quite a strange duck. First she went marching through the Sanctuary looking for Gavin. Which was suspicious because Dwight was fairly sure Rowan didn't even know the man. Then she started barking orders at him. Which was even more suspicious because Rowan never took a tone of authority with anyone. At least not that Dwight ever saw. She made a big fuss to Gavin over preventative care and insisted that the man send every single one of his outpost crew in for a check up. Today.
When Gavin's men started turning up, that's when Rowan really began acting wild. She dumped an entire tray full of her tea making crap on one of them. She dropped her blood pressure cuff four times. She kept tripping over her dog. Every time the door opened she was jumping. And she vomited in the utility sink three times already. Dwight spent enough time with the woman to know that she could be skittish and strange. But her current behavior was on another level. He wanted to take her back to her room. But he also wanted to wait and see how the day was going to play out. The way Rowan was glancing repeatedly at the door, she was clearly waiting for someone in particular to arrive. Dwight wanted to see who it was.
Rowan picked up her fresh cup of tea. She held the warm mug in her hands and forced herself to relax. He's coming. He has to come. She took a deep breath in through her nose and blew it out through her mouth. Her fingers rose, reaching for the crystal she kept around her neck and coming up empty. There was a diamond necklace hanging in its place. A present from Negan. The heavy stone felt cold against her chest. The gold chain it hung from wasn't tight. But she still felt like it was choking her.
The door opened and Rowan felt her heart jump in her chest the moment she saw him. Daryl's head was shaved down to practically nothing. He was dressed in military fatigues. He was missing his crossbow and his vest. But she didn't care about any of that. Rowan took another breath. She practiced this in her mind all morning.
"Dwight," she snapped, mustering up all the false bravado she had left, "I need you to go down to the kitchen and get me some raw garlic. Right now." For emphasis, she pointed towards the door.
Tank was already wagging his tail as the large dog headed straight for Daryl. Rowan patted her leg, calling the dog back to her before the eager animal gave them all away.
Rowan expected an objection from Dwight. She knew he was not allowed to leave her side when he was on guard duty. It surprised her when he simply nodded and headed out the door in the direction she indicated without complaint. The moment the door shut, Olivia headed towards it. She and Rowan already worked this part out between them. Olivia was going to pretend to be having a smoke. Really she was acting as their lookout. If anyone was coming she was going to knock twice on the door.
The door snapped shut behind Olivia. Rowan froze. She hadn't planned what she was going to do next. Daryl was standing near the exam table. He leaned down and scratched Tank's head. But he didn't move in Rowan's direction. He wasn't sure what to do either. Rowan's cheeks were flushed with color. Her stomach was rounder and more pronounced than when he saw her last. He could see the swell of it even in the baggy pink scrubs she was wearing. Her hair looked different too. It was neatly braided into a round coil on top of her head. She was wearing expensive looking jewelry.
The situation Daryl found when he arrived at the sanctuary was not the one had he been envisioning when he arrived. He came to rescue Rowan. But she didn't appear to need any rescuing. She wasn't locked in a cell. Negan wasn't torturing her. Daryl was forced to watch them interact through an entire dinner. If anything, the man was doting on Rowan like she was the most precious thing in the world to him. He was even making sure she was eating foods that were healthy for the baby.
Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat. He never felt insecure with their relationship. Not until the moment he saw Rowan up on that platform looking like a greek goddess come to life. Not only did she not need rescuing. But he was concerned that maybe Rowan didn't want it either. Maybe she wanted to stay here. With Negan. Maybe she liked being his queen.
Rowan's bottom lip began to quiver. She could feel her eyes filling with tears. Daryl wasn't holding her. He wasn't even talking to her. She knew now that he must hate her for what she had done. For what she let that man do to her. But she hoped Daryl might be able to forgive her given the circumstances. Now she wasn't so sure.
"I'm so sorry," Rowan gasped, unable to take the oppressive silence any longer. "I didn't want to do it. Please don't hate me."
She lifted the hem of her scrub top to wipe at her tears. And then her feet were lifting off the ground. Daryl's arms were around her. She held onto him like he was a life preserver and she was drowning. His lips were moving over her hair. And then they were kissing. He tasted like mint and the salt from her tears.
The moment his skin met hers, Daryl felt a rush of energy. There were always times when he felt like Rowan knew what he was thinking. Or that he could hear her voice echo inside his head. But it was never anything like this. Her emotions washed over him like a tidal wave. He felt them all like they were his own. Her fear and regret. Her worries for their unborn baby. But most of all he could feel her love for him. It was all consuming.
"I don't want to have my baby here," Rowan sobbed. "This is a bad place."
Daryl held her tight against his chest. They were both wet from her tears. He stroked his hands over her back.
"That's NOT gonna happen," he assured her.
Rowan looked up at him through her long damp lashes. She wanted to believe him. But she wasn't sure. Daryl didn't know how obsessed Negan was with her. And their unborn child. Even if Daryl managed to sneak her out of the Sanctuary somehow Negan would hunt them down and bring her back.
"I'm not gonna let that happen," Daryl repeated in a firmer voice.
He released his hold on Rowan and sank to his knees in front of her. He rested his forehead on her swollen stomach, feeling the stir of new life inside her. The baby's movements were getting stronger. He felt a pronounced kick. Much more than the little bubbly movements he felt before. Daryl was angry that this time was being stolen from him. From both of them.
"Get your shit," Daryl told her, "we're leaving now."
Rowan pulled him up from the floor. She melted back into his arms. Her fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt. She was trying hard to hold them back but the tears kept coming.
"We'll never get out," she said between her soft sniffles. "And if we did get out of the building, we wouldn't make it a mile before he found us. And then he'll make me watch while he kills you."
Daryl cursed under his breath. He knew everything Rowan said was true. He was part of the saviors army now. They weren't some ragtag band of assholes. They were well organized. And the Sanctuary was locked down worse than before after a few of their hostages escaped. There was only one way he and Rowan were getting out of this place together. And that was if they took down Negan. Daryl hated to be pessimistic but he knew they were going to need some help with that.
"You must be the father?"
Daryl turned towards the unfamiliar voice, stepping forward to put his body in front of Rowan's. The man had a smirk on his face. But since half his face was covered in burn scars, only one side of his mouth turned up. Daryl pulled his knife from his belt and took a step towards the man. But Rowan grabbed for his belt, holding him in place.
"You won't tell will you?," Rowan asked.
Her eyes were wide with fear and she looked like she was debating whether or not to let the man in her arms go so he could come after Dwight with his wicked looking hunting knife. Dwight didn't blame her. Or the man. If Negan found out who he was, he would kill him in the worst and most painful way possible. And not only did he not blame him, Dwight was impressed with him. This man was obviously smart enough to have infiltrated their ranks. And brave enough to even consider attempting such a thing.
"I won't tell," Dwight assured them both, "...but I want in."
"In?," Daryl asked.
He hadn't put his knife away yet, but Dwight noticed that he at least lowered his arm.
"I want to take that fucker down as bad as you do," Dwight said. Since Rowan's baby daddy still didn't look convinced he added, "If you don't believe me you can ask her dad or Deanna. I helped them get out."
"He means Carol," Rowan explained. She smiled. The escape had been blamed on Sherry. Rowan suspected that Dwight kept his word and helped them get out. But she never asked him. There were always too many listening ears around.
"Who the fuck is Carol?," Dwight asked. Rowan just waved his question away. Carol was a story for another day. They didn't have time for that now.
"Your dad and Carol are already gone?," Daryl asked. Carol slipping away from this place was no surprise. But Daryl was a little shocked to find that Rowan's father left her here alone.
"I can fill you in with what I know later," Dwight offered, "...you better not stay in here much longer." Daryl nodded his agreement. There was too much to go over and the longer the three of them were standing together talking about it, the more chance there was that they would be caught. Daryl felt like it was going to rip him in half to walk out of the room but he knew he had to get away from Rowan. For her safety and his.
"I love you," Rowan whispered.
She wrapped her arms around Daryl's waist and kissed along his jawline. The longer her skin was in contact with his, the stronger and more hopeful she felt. He pressed his mouth down on hers, one hand moving to rest flat against her stomach. As he held her and their unborn baby, Rowan came to a sudden realization. She wanted to help with the fight against the Saviors. And against Negan. But up to this point she had been playing by Negan's rules. She had no chance of beating the man that way. Rowan had no great physical strength. She wasn't sneaky and smart like Carol. She wasn't a warrior like her father. Truth be told, she wasn't even really that brave. She realized she needed to stop playing Negan's game and start playing her own. A game only she knew the rules to.
Daryl pressed his forehead to hers. It was a common gesture of affection between the wolves. One that Daryl didn't often take part in. But he couldn't kiss her again. It was killing him a little deep inside every time her lips touched his. To have her in his arms and not possess her was nearly impossible. Daryl had to force himself back. When he stepped away and turned towards the door, Rowan caught him by the arm.
"There's something I need from you before you go," she insisted. There was a glint in her eyes that Daryl wasn't sure he liked. It was the same look she got when she was about to unleash some ridiculous prank on Spencer. But Daryl had a feeling that whatever she was planning to do this time was not going to involve pickles or chickens in the bathtub. He raised his eyebrow, waiting to see what Rowan needed from him to aid her in her plan of destruction. She pulled him back in close to her and pressed her lips to his ear.
"I need your rage," she whispered.
