Cliff was cowering between two crates in the garage. Why did his owners have to clean this place up right now? If it had been as messy as it usually was then surely he could remain hidden if he just stayed put? Cats had relatively weak senses of smell, so unlike dogs, they couldn't completely trust their nose to guide the way. Wrapping his tail around himself, Cliff remained motionless, his heart thumping rapidly. How did she find him again?
Oh why was this happening to him? Why couldn't he, a black cat, ever catch a break? Okay, technically he had caught a major break at Tisdale Towers, but why couldn't it have lasted longer? What did he do to deserve this? He was a good cat. Sure he was lazy, and sometimes a glutton, but he never hurt anybody? If anything, he was the one who had sometimes been on the receiving end of pain, courtesy of his fellow pets, either by Charles not knowing his own strength or by getting his head pecked by Walt when the canary was in a cranky mood, which was surprisingly often.
But he was alone now. Walt had become a snack for Marceline, Geo was missing and Cliff had a hunch that he fell prey to the monster, and Charles was likewise missing. It was the dog though whose image had remained in the cat's mind ever since the previous day, Cliff remembered his visage yet the dog was not here with him. It felt weird and unnatural. Or perhaps it was because Charles might have offered him salvation? At a measly twenty pounds, the bull terrier wasn't much of a guard dog, but still imposing enough to chase regular cats of Cliff's territory, though Marceline was anything but a regular housecat.
But she wasn't here now. Cliff still hadn't detected any sign of her presence, but he had learned by now not to take silence as a sign for guaranteed safety. If a canine monster the size of a house could sneak up on you without making a peep, a cat could do that while sleepwalking.
For a while, Cliff was greeted by more silence, allowing him to consider the possibility of making a run for it and finding one of his owners for protection? But who besides Lana, Lincoln or the parents would even care about protecting him?
Hearing a strange flapping noise, Cliff tensed up. Acting on instinct, he slowly craned his neck out and saw a piece of cloth atop a shelf flapping against a small box next to it. As the gust of wind passed by, it ceased doing that. Feeling a giant wave of relief, Cliff scooted back into his hiding place.
Maybe he had no reason to worry? It's been a while and there was no sign of the yellow demon? Maybe he gave her the slip for good? Starting to grow more complacent, Cliff eased up and considered taking a nap. He happily turned to his companion, hoping she would keep guard, before lowering his head to-companion?!
Shooting his eyes wide open, he turned his head back and wound up rubbing noses with Marceline, who was resting next to him and purred excitedly. With a screech that echoed across the garage, Cliff leaped into the air and made a mad dash for the exit.
Marceline stretched herself and yawned, before casually following him. This tom sure was a riot. Ungainly and terrible at hiding, but he sure could run when he wanted to, not that it gave him an edge, as Marceline's wild side had blessed her with long legs and an athletic build.
The chase resumed as both felines were running circles around the house. That is, until Marceline grew bored after the seventh lap and stopped, waiting for Cliff to come to her.
By the time he realized what had happened, Cliff made a desperate attempt to halt but wound up skidding across the grass until he finally came to a stop and bumped noses with Marceline again.
"Meow…." Cliff whimpered as his paws started burning, and screeched in agony while jumping around the yard, for which Marceline sat down to watch the show.
"…the male treefrog climbs on the female's back and grasps it with his front legs while fertilizing her eggs. This unique behavior is known as amplexus…."
Feeling her seat shifting, the bruised Lana glanced to her left and came face to face with Lynn.
"Hey, Short Stuff, mind if I sit here?"
"What do you want, Lynn?" Lana grumbled, barely audible. She was not in the mood for small talk, even Lynn could tell that, so she looked at the screen.
"Frogs again, huh? You're always quick to call dibs on the remote when they're on television?" she noted idly. "What are they doing? Are the frogs trying to play leapfrog?" she joked but was met with silence.
Lana looked away and just mumbled something under her breath. Lynn waited for a response but got none. "I guess I wouldn't feel like chatting either if I just survived the gas chamber."She thought sullenly. "But I sure know how to brighten her day."
She did feel sorry for Lana, seeing her banged up like this. Lana was scrappy but this was frankly overkill, and this could hardly be blamed on Renee, as the worst of Lana's suffering had been the result of Lola's petty, vindictive nature biting them both in the ass.
After some silence, Lynn sighed. "Look, Lana, I know you had a rough day….."
"Rough day?" Lana raised her voice and let out a curt and bitter laugh. "Look at me! Lola did this to me, because it's somehow my fault that she got grounded, and then I nearly suffocated because of her dumb revenge scheme! And she tore apart my hat!"
"I know, I've seen it…." Lynn said sympathetically. "The stink-bomb accident anyway. I can imagine what it was like and…..and…" she shuddered "…..I'm sure it sucked."
Lana's face scrunched up. "Is this funny to you? You wanna make fun of me now?!"
"Lana, take a deep breath." Lynn lifted a hand. "I'm sorry if I made you angry, I just want to talk."
"Talk? About what?" the crabby tomboy demanded.
"Lana, don't worry about your hat, I'm sure mom can sew it back together when she comes back." Lynn reassured her, trying to ease her into the conversation. "Maybe Leni can do it, she knows how to use strings and needles, and none of us will be going anywhere today-"
"What does it matter, it won't be the same…." Lana sulked. "My hat's ruined. How…..how could anyone do something so rotten and….ugh…." her temper started rising again "…..I'll never forgive her, I hate her!"
Lynn let out a sardonic snort. "I ain't crazy about that brat either, so I don't fault you."
Lana didn't respond again and quietly sulked.
"Lana, I know you're really upset, I don't need my big sister intuition to figure that out-"
"Oh, some big sister you are?" Lana scoffed bitterly. "Where were you when Renee tossed me in my room and locked me up? You didn't give a fig about me then, but now you wanna-"
"Lana, she's our babysitter." Lynn replied bluntly. "Like it or not, she's in charge. There's nothing me or any one of us could have done for you, any more than if mom and dad had grounded you."
"Oh, so you just roll on your back and surrender? Since when did you take that kind of junk from anyone?" Lana grumbled, incredulous about the jock's attitude.
"I never do." Lynn snorted. "But that's not-"
"Then why are you scared of Renee?" Lana challenged her. "Why don't you try and beat her up for being such a jerk?"
"I ain't scared of that windbag." Lynn adamantly insisted before composing herself. "But I've got no plans to start any sh-eh….trouble with her. That would be plain stupid."
"So you are scared." Lana looked away and sulked. Lynn was still irritated by the accusation but kept her cool.
"Were you even listening? I repeat, she's in charge and I'd rather be safe than sorry. You ain't stupid, Lana, so open your eyes. You can see that Renee's mental, and a powerhouse to boot. Scuse me for being cautious, but I sorta think it would be smarter to just keep your head down and avoid trouble altogether when dealing with people like her?"
"Sounds to me like you're being chicken….." Lana grumbled. "So you ain't scared about throwing your weight around with kids who are weaker than you, but when there's a fair fight….."
"Lana, I'm not gonna fight Renee so you can settle your score with her through me." Lynn barked firmly. "You can forget about that."
"As if, I….I don't need you for that….." Lana denied the accusation, less than convincingly.
"Yeah, sure…." Lynn rolled her eyes sarcastically before exhaling. "Look, there's a difference between being scared and being cautious. Being cautious means not barging headfirst into something that could end badly for you, or make an already bad situation even worse."
"Since when did you care about being cautious?" Lana muttered, growing more annoyed with this conversation. She would have sooner expected Lynn to declare her intention of leading a rebellion against their babysitter, but here she was preaching to her about being cautious? Who was Lynn to preach something like that?
"Lana, I'm trying to look out for you." Lynn continued and scooted closer. "Which is why I wanna tell you this; don't try to get payback on Renee, just listen to her and keep your head down, she won't badger you if you behave and she'll be gone by tomorrow evening at the latest. It's not worth hurting yourself over this, so please promise me that you'll behave?"
"What's gotten into you? You don't sound like the Lynn I know?" Lana spoke up. Lynn cocked an eyebrow.
Lana stared at her with a mixture of confusion and annoyance. "You'd never let someone walk over you like this? You would have knocked out their milk teeth just for looking at you wrong."
Lynn glanced aside, remembering how her past self would very much have disagreed with her current self. Slugging someone for making jabs about your skills as an athlete was one thing, but stirring up trouble with a psycho babysitter was another.
"And your point? I haven't sassed off to Renee, and lookie, I've been doing pretty well today? I ain't banged up like you, and I don't smell like I've been blasted by a skunk and then took a dip in raw sewage?" Lynn pointed out. "Maybe you oughta take after my example? It wouldn't hurt to try?"
Lana pouted. "You're such a hypo…..? Eh…hypo-cracker….."
"A hypocrite?" Lynn rolled her eyes, knowing where this was going.
"Yes, that! You're such a phony! You cause trouble all the time, so what gives you the right to tell me how to behave! I don't break stuff every day with footballs and hockey sticks!"
Lynn couldn't help it. Lana was just being a brat, but taking criticism has never been Lynn's strong suit, especially when it involved reminiscing about her past screw-ups.
"You're one to talk, buster? Given how you almost demolished our house once by letting your termite friends gorge themselves on the place?" Lynn retorted, growing agitated.
"At least I didn't put Lincoln and Leni in the hospital by playing "catch" without even telling them about it!" Lana shot back.
Lynn seethed. "Oh, but whose fault was it that the whole family had to take distemper shots because someone had to rescue a starving little fox?"
"And who trashed the hood of a police car because she lost a stinking baseball game, huh? That's mighty stupid and unsportsmanlike?" Lana huffed, holding her ground.
Lynn fumed and clutched the sides of her head, rubbing her temples while breathing in and out. "Stay on track. Just keep cool, she's right about that. You can't erase your past. Just stay cool."
Lynn sighed and looked at the tomboy with a serious expression. "Y'know what, squirt? You're right. You're absolutely, positively right. I have been a rotten brat for years, and I've caused a lot of damage, I won't deny that." She admitted in a strained voice.
"You admit it?" Lana scowled. "Why? You're confusing me?"
"Yes, I fully admit it." Lynn said begrudgingly. "You happy now?"
Confusion washed over Lana's features. She did not expect to hear that from Lynn? Lynn would never admit anything that would put her in a negative light. But now her sporty sister had unashamedly confessed about her own faults, just like that? Lana didn't know what to say to that?
"But I'm not a hypocrite for scolding you about being a brat, y'know why?" Lynn continued. "Because all of us are accountable for our wrongdoings, just because I've been bad doesn't mean other people have the right to also be bad, including you. I'm telling ya this cuz I don't want you to repeat my mistakes. I have done some pretty crummy stuff in the past and I can't change that, but you're still young, you can avoid that and be a better person."
"Wut?" Lana couldn't follow. Lynn pinched the bridge of her nose.
"I mean that I don't want you to get into trouble like I did by doing stupid stuff. I want you to look at my mistakes and learn from them, so you won't do the same mistakes."
"I won't." Lana insisted curtly. "I'm nothing like you, I ain't some egomaniac who throws a fit over losing some dumb game."
Once again Lynn felt agitated but kept her composure. Lana's response made her reply with a more poignant question.
"Do you think I don't care about you?" she said in a serious tone.
Lana was slightly taken aback, but kept her surly demeanor. That question had never seriously crossed her mind, given how she hadn't cared too much about Lynn's affairs in the past. "I dunno…." She muttered "…..you love winning, that's for sure. I dunno about other things…."
Lynn sighed. "I know, I've been a pretty big jerk. I know it, I admit it, and I really, really regret it….." She replied sullenly. "….which is why I want to change."
Lana kept staring at her, more curious than confused now. Yet again, Lynn's humble response had caught her off guard, yet that single confession suddenly put the jock's strange new stance on responsibility into context. Was the sister she once saw as a self-absorbed, callous and over-competitive sports nut actually repenting?
"Remember how I tried to play soccer with you at the park? And you said that you were having fun?"
"I was having fun….sorta…." Lana mumbled, getting a bit flustered. If Lynn was making a serious attempt to reach out to her, she at least owed it to the jock to hear her out.
"Sorta?" Lynn questioned. "Why wouldn't you have fun playing soccer with me? You wanna know why I asked you?" Lana just blinked quietly.
"Well, for starters, I want to spend quality time with my family. Problem is, they are mostly girls, and I ain't much of a girl myself. I don't care about shopping, styling my hair, painting my nails, putting on dresses, or spewing puns, writing poetry, playing guitar, and I suck at science stuff, so my options for company are kinda limited in this family, except for you?"
Surprisingly, Lana understood this sentiment all too well. Being a brazen tomboy in a mostly female-dominated family made it quite difficult to fit in. Yet she wasn't completely alone when it came to her rowdy lifestyle.
"So you're saying you don't spend much time with them because you have nothing in common?" Lana inquired. In hindsight, this wasn't much of a question; both Lynn and here were hardcore tomboys, as the former blatantly told her the previous day, and their ideas of a good time didn't mesh well with their feminine siblings.
"Exactly, same reason most of them don't pal around with each other, they're too different. But you and me could get along pretty well, since we're not so different. I had fun playing with you until a certain rich snob ruined the fun." Lynn spat bitterly.
"What do you have against Kathleen?" Lana frowned. "Why were you so mean to her?"
"Because Kathleen is bad news." Lynn retorted. "I may not know her, but I'm familiar with people like her. I'm more than twice your age, Lana, I have more experience under my belt and I know enough to smell a rat when I see one."
"How can you be sure if you've never met her? Can't you give someone a chance?"
Lynn sighed, obviously unable to tell Lana how well she was actually familiar with Kathleen. Their conversation was getting derailed, and Lynn wanted to talk about more important matters. Kathleen, and her meddling, was an issue for another day.
"Did you miss the part about her having bullied Luan? I know Luan isn't the sanest person around here, but if she's been classmates with that girl for a year I think we oughta give our own sister some credit and believe her when she tries to warn us that Kathleen isn't sincere about trying to make amends with her. If you won't trust me, ask Lincoln? He also has a bad feeling about Kathleen, so does dad. Do their opinions mean more to you?"
"Lynn, you're confusing me." Lana grew more irate. "If someone says they're sorry, why wouldn't you accept it?"
"Lemme answer that with a question." Lynn grew a look of superiority. "Would you go upstairs now and patch things up with Lola?"
"What? No way! That jerk is pure scum! I had it with her!" Lana cried.
"See?" Lynn pointed at her. "She's been bad to you and you don't trust her, can you see now where Luan is coming from? Why me, Lincoln, dad, Ryan and even Lucy trust her that Kathleen is scum? That she's just like Lola, but grow-up? Why do you think Lola fell in love with her instantly and said "you're like the big sister I never had", huh?" she finished with a shrill, valley girl accent, her imitation of Lola.
Lana's brow knitted and she looked away, fidgeting. Lynn wasn't known for making compelling arguments that could sway other people to her side, yet the more they talked the more did the jock start to make sense. If Lola Loud sincerely approved of someone, how great could that other person possibly be?
"And if Lola came down here, suddenly all sorry and stuff, wouldn't you suspect that this might be a ploy? That she doesn't really mean it? Sometimes people say one thing but don't really mean it? That's sadly a thing in life; it's called being a lowdown dirty liar."
Lana didn't say anything, visibly confused and caught up in her thoughts. The concept of lying was nothing new to the 5-year-old, but the question of who she could trust wasn't something she had ever seriously considered?
Lynn sighed. "And there's another thing, sis. I wanted to spend time with you…alone, by playing together and teaching you some of my moves. It meant a lot to me, to share a moment with someone I thought could….y'know….get me? Understand me? I didn't want to be whisked away to some overcrowded, preppy tourist trap surrounded by our sisters, not to mention hundreds of hotel guests and Kathleen's groupies, people I don't even know. I just wanted to do something simple and private, be alone and have fun with my little sister."
"So….you were really bummed that you couldn't spend time with me alone?" Lana asked. Lynn just nodded.
"Huh, I didn't think about it that way….." Lana glanced down. Suddenly she felt rather selfish for dismissing Lynn like that. Lana understood that if you wanted to spend time with a special someone, surplus company was the last thing on your wish list. Like when she played with Hops or Charles, or any of her other animal friends. Those experiences wouldn't have been half as fun if other people had intruded on them.
"Well, I meant everything I said. I wouldn't mind trying out another play date, preferably one without Kathleen barging in."
Lana felt genuinely touched, but then another memory from their brief play date at the park resurfaced, and she grew suspicious again. "Wait a minute, I remember something? You wanted to distract me from playing in the mud! You said something about not wanting mom to clean the mess I made? What was that about?"
"Yes, I did." Lynn immediately admitted. "But I also wanted to spend time with you, I had two reasons."
Lana frowned. "And why couldn't we have played in the mud, if you wanted to spend time with me? It had to be sports, huh? Always your way or the-"
"Lana, I already told you my reasons." Lynn exhaled. "I didn't want mom or dad to have to clean up after you again."
"And since when do you care about that?"
"I told you that I want to better myself, and being more considerate of mom and dad's needs is kind of an important step in that direction." Lynn explained.
"What do you mean?"
"Lemme answer that with another question. Would you like to do chores like laundry, cooking dinner or cleaning our rooms? No, of course not. They're boring, tedious and back-breaking." Lynn said curtly. "So imagine doing that every single day, like mom and dad do."
"A lot of parents have to do such stuff for their kids, usually two or three of them, but our parents have to do it for ten kids who barely ever help them, or even show any appreciation. I may suck at math but even I can do the numbers and imagine how unimaginably excruciating that has to be? Doing a thankless job like that all day long, seven days a week and barely having any time to have fun and relax? Imagine living like that? Wouldn't that drive you crazy?"
Lana shrank a bit, as the full weight of Lynn's statement resonated with her. A child of her age had a fairly simple worldview, and it tended to revolve around them regardless if they were trying not to be selfish. How your parents felt about their lot in life rarely crossed their mind.
"Tell me, Lana? Would you want to be in that position?" Lynn asked again.
Lana blinked, looking unnerved. "No, that sounds awful."
"Exactly, it is awful, so why should mom and dad have to slave away every day just so we can sit pretty? Doesn't that sound a tad unfair? You think just because they're our parents they don't have the same needs as we do? They are also only human."
"Is that why you and Lincoln called for that sibling meeting?" Lana fidgeted.
She remembered that? Lynn was frankly surprised. She pegged most of her sisters as having the collective attention span of a goldfish, especially the twins.
"Yes, and you all thought we were crazy for saying such stuff?" Lynn snorted. "Well, news flash, squirt, being stressed out and overworked makes you unhappy, and an unhappy mom and dad aren't gonna have a happy marriage, and an unhappy marriage is a one-way trip to…oh, what was that thing you gals called me crazy for suggesting? Oh, right? Splitsville. Divorce. Moms and dads going their separate ways."
Lana leaned back, fear visibly washing over her features. "Wha…..you're trying to scare me?"
"If you don't believe me, ask Lincoln. Or better yet, ask dad." Lynn huffed and folded her arms. "Cuz he's scared out of his wits thinking about that very possibility, and is currently trying everything he can to make mom happy."
The jock was dropping some hard science on her. All of a sudden, that random and seemingly irrational fear Lynn and Lincoln had voiced not too long ago, the one most of the sisters gave almost no thought to, seemed frighteningly plausible.
"M-mom and dad are going to split up?" Lana asked with genuine fear.
"No, they didn't have any talks about divorcing or anything but dad fears if this keeps up, if him and mom keep working their butts off trying to take care of this house and us, with no breaks or time to recuperate, it could very well happen in the future, like in the very near future. Dad certainly thinks so."
"Like "within a week" near future…." She thought grimly.
"I….I don't w-want that to happen." Lana worried.
"Well, I have good news." Lynn smiled, ecstatic that she finally got someone to listen. "Me, Lincoln and Luan have all been trying our best to be less of a nuisance. Lucy too, but she has always been low-maintenance, so she was never really a problem."
"Luan? But Luan's been driving everyone in this house off the wall for years." Lana pointed out.
"True, very true. But after her delayed Prankmageddon made her the pariah of this family and you guys have made it quite clear that you've grown tired of her pranks…well, she's been doing some thinking since then?"
"She deserved it, after everything she did to us." Lana scowled. "I am tired of her dumb shenanigans as much as everyone else."
"Well, you'll be happy to hear that all that shunning finally got the memo through her thick skull." Lynn smirked. "In fact, it was quite the wakeup call for her. She was very sorry and says that she will dial back on her pranks, and that she has officially canceled her April Fools tradition."
"You kidding me?" Lana made a face.
"I am not, Lana. She really means it. She's not giving up on her pranks but she did promise to cut back on it and not to be such a pain-in-the-keister. Which is why she's currently up there"…. Lynn pointed at the ceiling "….and cleaning the attic."
"Luan's doing chores?" Lana asked with a worried look. Did this mean she would have to follow suit?
"Yes, but I didn't come here to talk about Luan. I wanna know if you're willing to make some contributions in order to avoid mom and dad heading for Splitsville?" Lynn told her upfront.
Lana looked uneasy. "Wha….what do I have to do? I don't want mom and dad to….."
"Here's the beautiful part, Lana. You don't have to do any chores; you don't have to give up on any of your hobbies either. You simply have to change the way you go about your business. Change your methods."
"Change my methods? What do you mean with that?"
"Glad you asked. I would go into more detail but it would be better if we could talk about that stuff in private." Lynn explained. "Which brings me to the other reason I wanted to talk to you?"
"Other reason? What other reason?"
"Well, sis, what's one of the biggest reasons to cause grief and friction in this house? The constant fights between us. We girls fight all the time and cause all kinds of havoc. And what's the main reason why we constantly get into fights? It's because we're never on the same page about anything with our roommates. We can't agree on anything, we have nothing in common, our lifestyles and hobbies just don't jive with each other, I think living with Lola means you know the gist of it."
"Don't mention her, she's the worst!" Lana frowned. "I really can't take her as a roommate anymore."
"So why don't you ditch her?" Lynn "suggested". "Ditch her and bunk with me? Simple as that."
"With you?" Lana blinked. "You want to be roommates?"
"Why not?" Lynn shrugged. "We're both tomboys, we both like to play rough, we don't care about personal hygiene, we have very similar tastes in fashion, and I want to spend more quality time you? This would be the ideal arrangement. I bail on the Duchess of Darkness and you bail on Princess Screams-a-lot? Win-win."
Lana blinked. "I dunno….." she said on first instinct.
"We might not be a perfect match, but wouldn't you rather be saddled with me than with Lola? And who else would be a better match for you than Lynnsanity over here?" she pointed her thumb at herself. "Not Lori, not Leni, not Luan, not Lucy, not Lisa, heck, even Luna is too much of a neat freak to handle you. But I can handle the stink and the dirt; I'd even take amphibians and reptiles over a flock of blood-sucking bats any day. At least you have cages for them."
Lana stopped to process that. Thinking about it, she was no flaws in that proposal. What could possibly be worse than being stuck sharing a room with Lola?
"You don't mind me burping?" she asked.
"Ha! I love burping." Lynn laughed. "Me and my teammates have been practicing how to burp the alphabet for years. I can teach you that just like how I taught you to make armpit farts. Do you mind Dutch Ovens?"
"I know how to burp the alphabet! Though I don't really know the whole alphabet?" Lana insisted. Lynn smiled slightly. She had seen her once trying to perform said feat, and it needed work. And Lynn was more than willing to coach her.
"But I love doing Dutch Ovens myself. I adore the smell of flatulence." Lana nodded with major enthusiasm. "Do you have a problem with buggers?"
Lynn made a "so-so" hand gesture. "Don't use my clothes as tissues, and never ever leave any on my lucky jersey and I'm cool. Do you mind tossing all your clothes in a big pile in the middle of the room?"
"Nope, that way I can dive into the pile and dig through it like a mole. It's a great alternative during the non-autumn seasons." Lana smiled. "Do you mind bad morning breath?"
"Pffffttt….halitosis barely fazes me." Lynn scoffed. "Aren't you familiar with wrestling?"
"Sure, I had plenty of practice wrangling up Lola."
"Great, how would like to become a luchador, mentored by an old pro?" Lynn pointed at herself.
"I dunno…but it sounds fun." Lana shrugged.
"See, sis, we're already agreeing on so much." Lynn smiled. "I think the move will be a breeze. Lucky for you, Lucy also wishes to switch roommates."
"With whom?"
"Eh…..sorry, that's a private matter. But you'll learn soon enough." Lynn replied, though the real reason was that she doubted Lana would believe the truth. "But here's a secret; we want to bring up this topic at dinner. We're going to propose about everyone switching roommates and bunking with whomever they see fit."
Lana blinked. "Did the others agree to that?"
"Eh….not quite. But I'm sure they won't object; most of the girls are unhappy with their roommates, let's not kid ourselves. So we aim to figure out the new arrangement, you are going with me, Lucy has made her choice, we'll figure out the rest. This could be done by tomorrow night."
"So I can be free of Lola and help mom and dad by just switching rooms?" Lana smiled eagerly.
"Yup. So, roomies?" Lynn asked.
"Sure! Roomie." Lana exclaimed while bouncing on her butt.
Perhaps this day wasn't so rotten after all?
Upstairs, the other twin was thinking the exact opposite.
Wearing rubber gloves, Lola seethed and dropped her sponge into the bucket of water, glaring at the wet patch on the carpet where a puke stain used to be.
The indignity! The humiliation! Someone as glamorous and illustrious as her should never have to do such lowbrow, such demeaning, such repulsive menial labor! How did she end up like this? How could anyone force her to do this? What kind of a monster would do this?
Having regained some of her strength, Lola was pumped with rage and just wanted to hit something to alleviate some of it. That opportunity came as she heard footsteps.
But to her disappointment, it wasn't Renee, but her idiot brother, who looked at her with a neutral expression. Lola didn't know what he wanted and she frankly didn't care.
"I see you're finished. It means you're free now." He simply noted. Grinding her teeth, Lola stood up, her chest inflating and deflating. Her throat was still aching and at this point, she got the memo that in her conditions she would have to resort to nonverbal communication.
"Lola, I know your vocal cords aren't in great shape, but can I please have a word with you?" Lincoln asked politely, but all he got in response was Lola charging at him and viciously pounding her fists into his chest.
It barely hurt, and Lincoln scowled irritably before seizing both of her hands and gently forcing them down.
"How dare he?!" Lola was shocked by his audacity and tried to fight, but Lincoln wouldn't let her go and sent her a serious look.
"Lola, I understand that you had a miserable day ever since you woke up to learn your pageant was canceled. And I know things only got worse since then, but hear me out." He started, but that reminder caused the princess's eyes to bulge in anger.
She had completely forgotten about that while fantasizing about Renee's demise, but being reminded about that made her even madder, if that was even possible?
Hissing like a wild animal, Lola lunged and Lincoln screamed as she sank her teeth into his left arm.
"Wh-lemme go!" he cried as he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her off, hissing with pain as he glanced at the imprints her milk teeth left on his arm.
Lola didn't fight. Instead, she realized how dumb of a move that was after getting a taste her brother's sweat, and started spitting and gagging. "You idiot! Look at what you made me do!" she cried inwardly.
She sent him a murderous glare, but he was hardly intimidated. He actually returned the favor, mustering up all the will he had not to snap.
Clenching her teeth, Lola set her sights on his shin and swung her foot, but Lincoln predicted it and dodged it.
"Lola, will you please calm down? You're really testing my patience!" he barked. Lola tore off her gloves and tried to smack him with them.
Lincoln once again dodged it, grabbed them and tore them out of her grip. "Seriously, Lola? Can you just let me talk?"
But as usual, the princess didn't listen and turned crimson with rage as she made another lunge at him, which he again dodged. Lola plopped on her belly but immediately got up, still undeterred.
Lincoln realized that it was time for drastic measures, and reluctantly grabbed her in a bear hug before forcing both of them to sit down, so Lola couldn't kick him either.
"Leh…." Lola cried before coughing. "Lehmme gh…." She coughed again.
"Lola, don't talk. You need to rest your vocal cords." Lincoln told her while trying to restrain her.
"You think I haven't noticed, Einstein?!" Lola fumed and squirmed in his grip. "Ugh! He's become such a scumbag! He won't listen to me! He should be locked up!"
"Lola, please, just chill out and listen to me." Lincoln knew he was pretty much asking the impossible from her but he had to try.
The hot-headed princess was mostly hurting herself at this point and wouldn't slow down unless someone smacked some sense into her, and Lincoln really wanted to avoid a literal manifestation of that phrase, for he feared that Renee, Ryan and even Lynn didn't have such scruples if the brat pushed them too far. Not that there was any love lost between Lola and the Taylors.
Lola didn't stop squirming, and Lincoln groaned, figuring that while she was incapable of speaking he might as well do all the talking. "I know you're mad at Renee, I know you've been meticulously plotting your vengeance ever since she took your phone. But you have to stop it, now."
"Stop it?! How dare you order me?!" Lola snarled, looked over her shoulder and sent him a murderous glare. "How did he even guess that I was seeking vengeance!?"
"Finally, she calmed down." Lincoln sighed and continued. "Lola, you…..you're not stupid, you can see that Renee's too powerful, too competent and she's always one step ahead. You tried to blindside her with the stink-bomb and you saw how that went? What else is there left to try? You can try any number of revenge schemes and I would wager my entire Ace Savvy comic collections that they would yield the same exact results; with Renee winning seamlessly and you being punished, humiliated and left licking your wounds."
Lola wheezed angrily as she and Lincoln locked eyes. "You cowardly, lily-livered turncoat! Treacherous filth! Suck-up! How can people fall like this?!"
"Lola, look at the facts? Who can catch a stink-bomb without even seeing it coming? Don't you get it that some people are just stronger than you and you can't do anything but keep your head down and stay out of their way? You're only hurting yourself by doing this." Her brother continued grimly.
"No! No! You're lying!" Lola thought defiantly. "Your stupid comics aren't worth anything, you don't believe in what you say! You're trying to scare me! You're siding with her! It's not fair! You're just a sellout! You're against me! You're all against me and want to see me suffer!"
She felt as if she was stuck in a blazing inferno and shut her eyes tight as she trembled in Lincoln's grip. Unable to yell or hurt anyone in retaliation, Lola could do nothing but let her pent-up fury burn through every fiber of her body.
"Lola, just let it go. You had a rough day and you need to drop all these negative thoughts and replace them with something positive." Lincoln advised her, or more precisely pleaded to her. "You're done with your punishment, so please, don't land yourself in more trouble. We'll have dinner now and after that, just go to your room and do something fun, do your hair or hold a tea party with your plush toys, anything really, just as long as you have fun. Don't worry, Lana will stay somewhere else for the night and Renee will be gone by tomorrow."
No matter how sound his advice was, it could not pierce through the thick wall of "woe is me" grief that was clouding Lola's judgment. All she could comprehend at this moment was the anger she felt after he once again had the gall to order her around. She wanted to hit him, but he denied her even that simple joy, for he was against her! Throughout this day everything had been denied to her, or she had been utterly humiliated, or both.
There was only one thing left to do, after feeling an intense burnout.
Lincoln felt his sister ease up. She was no longer squirming and became almost limp. Then he saw it, her mouth opened wide but no sound came out, but the tears from her eyes weren't holding back and turned into raging rivers that poured down her face.
He let her go and Lola dropped on her knees and buried her face into her hands, sobbing uncontrollably.
Lincoln exhaled and shook his head with pity. He didn't know if his words finally sank in with her or if she was just crying because she literally had no other means left to express her anger? He feared the latter was more likely.
"Your devotion is admirable but you're clearly wasting your time with this lost cause." He suddenly heard Renee's voice and saw her standing by the stairs, holding a ladder.
Lola ceased crying and looked up to see Renee placing the ladder against the wall. The princess was now seeing red.
"The only medicine that might mitigate her condition somewhat is more hard work and disciplinary action." The sitter said coldly.
"Don't you think she's been through enough?" Lincoln asked. "I mean, what's worse than accidentally turning your bedroom into a gas chamber?"
"That depends." Renee said as she glared back at Lola. "Is she willing to quit the tomfoolery and behave?"
Bearing her teeth and releasing animalistic hisses and growls, Lola grabbed the only weapon she had left; the bucket. Lifting it over her head, she charged at Renee full steam, attempting to bludgeon her.
"Lola, no!" Lincoln tried to grab her while Renee just smirked nonchalantly, seeing Lola stepping on the wet patch she had left there.
In an instant, Lola slipped and her bucket was sent flying through the air. Lincoln jumped back to avoid the spilling water while Lola sat up, only to be dunked with the cold liquid before the bucket landed on her head with a loud clang.
Renee sniggered slightly as Lola, soaked, blinded and disoriented, stumbled to her right and hit her head against the stair rails before collapsing to the floor.
Biting his fingers, Lincoln rushed to her aid and pulled the bucket off her head. Lola lay on the floor with a goofy expression and pointed up; presumably at the stars she was currently seeing.
"Well, that was quaint. Now, we're having dinner in thirty minutes." Renee commented casually and strolled to the bathroom door. "If she doesn't regain consciousness by then; find a hairdryer, fetch an icepack and tuck her in."
Lincoln saw her slide a key into the door.
"You're releasing Lucy?" he asked instinctively, quickly forgetting about Lola, and followed her.
"I'm simply doing a mandatory check-up." Renee replied while grabbing the door handle.
Lincoln didn't like the sound of that. "You're not seriously going to starve her?"
Renee didn't give him an answer and opened the door. Upon doing that, her jaw dropped. Confused, Lincoln joined her at the doorway and was likewise dumbstruck by what he saw.
They were presented with the picturesque sight of a shiny, spotless bathroom ripped right out of the pages of a home magazine, and in the middle of it stood Lucy, quiet and composed as usual.
"I hope this is to your satisfaction, Renee?" The goth said simply. "And yes, I double-checked every inch to ensure that I didn't miss a spot."
Renee had to close her mouth with her hand. "How did you accomplish this?"
Lucy frowned. "I followed your advice and started scrubbing. That is what you requested?"
Renee narrowed her eyes. Lucy was nervous about what her reaction would be but nevertheless stood her ground. "Isn't this what you requested of me, to make the bathroom shine?"
Getting over his surprise, Lincoln observed their babysitter and it was easy to see that she was not pleased. Lincoln didn't know what she was expecting and his gut told him that he should not dwell on it.
But he did feel compelled to say one thing. "Why are you surprised? You told me that you have seen kids do this with the proper motivation?" He stepped back as the teen's frosty glare shifted towards him.
"Yes, and I wished to be free, so I was motivated to do my task." Lucy said, earning Renee's attention again.
"I paid my debt to society, so have I earned my freedom back?" the goth asked, composed, but worried deep down that she was taking a gamble making any requests at all, which is why she tried her hardest to stay calm and respectable, in spite of the small satisfaction she felt seeing Renee's obvious dismay.
"Yes." Renee said reluctantly. "For now at least."
"Renee, don't worry. Just leave her with me." Lincoln stepped in. "I'll keep her out of trouble from now on." He offered Lucy his hand and she grabbed it, giving him a small nod.
"You better." Renee grunted. "Now get to the dinner table, I'll get the rest of you."
As she walked back into the hall, Lincoln turned to his sister, careful to keep his voice down.
"Lucy, are you okay?"
"As well as I can be, given the circumstances." She replied. "Using some select toothbrushes helped me keep up morale and not give into my soul-gobbling depression."
Lincoln noted how calm she was, which was nothing unusual for Lucy on most days, but not under these circumstances. Lucy noticed his worried expression and had a strong hunch about what he was thinking right now.
"I'm happy to be reunited." She gently placed her other hand on his wrist. "I got the message while I served my time."
"You did, I know." He nodded.
"I understand that this is not the time or place to talk about it." She nodded back. "But you promised that I would learn something important by tonight."
Lincoln sighed. "I'm sorry we strung you along for so long….." he shifted, knowing now there was no turning back "…..and I promise you'll understand soon enough."
"My trust in you in on the line." Lucy said simply.
Lincoln nodded, not needing any more hints that Lucy was through playing his games. And he wouldn't let her down again.
"There, piece of cake." Ryan sighed with relief and wiped his sweaty forehead, marveling at the neatly-arranged stack of boxes that were lining the wall.
It might have been hard and strenuous doing his job within the confines of this stuffy attic in the middle of June, and he had the sweaty pits to prove it, but Ryan would not allow Lincoln to have the last laugh by insinuating that he was scared of some physical work.
The dork would have needed over half a day to do something that Ryan finished within an hour…..or at least he thought it was only an hour, there was no clock up here, other than the broken-down grandfather clock Luan was currently dusting.
Luan proved surprisingly efficient at dusting the attic. Ryan assumed his presence likely gave her the emotional support to put her mind to it and get the job done. On the other hand, there was no doubt that Luan put a lot of time and effort in meticulously planning out her pranks on April Fools, or even on a daily basis, so she was apparently a natural hard worker, as long as she had the proper motivation.
The cobwebs were gone, and you could now pace back and worth without ever feeling the temptation to sneeze. Ryan smiled with satisfaction. If his sister was hoping for Luan to be stuck up here working as a scullery maid until midnight, then she was in for a nasty letdown. Ryan loved seeing his sister be disappointed.
He only hoped that Lucy was doing as well. It wasn't unknown for Renee to use bluffs to scare kids into submission, like saying that they would be going to bed hungry if they don't complete their task, but with Lucy he couldn't be sure. Renee's disdain for her seemed to go deeper than the former's general disdain for anyone who wanted to have fun.
"You done yet?" he strolled over to Luan. "I kinda bragged to Renee we would get the job done in an hour?"
Luan, who was wearing a bandana, gave him a half-annoyed look. "Don't get all wound up, I'm always punctual." After that she gave in and tittered.
"Clock jokes, huh? Someone's in a better mood." Ryan teased. "But seriously, you don't want to tick her off."
"Less tocking and more working then." Luan retorted.
"I'm all done, take a look yourself?" Ryan gestured at the stack, and Luan went agape with amazement.
"You're finished?" she asked incredulously.
"Sure, it was a cinch." Ryan shrugged. "A little heavy-lifting is no problem for me."
Luan slowly grew a smile and rested on her knees as she chuckled with disbelief. Ryan was glad to see her happy, for he worried that very soon she would be anything but happy.
"Jumping Jiminy Christmas, you maniac! How'd ya do it so fast? I thought I was the magician here?"
"Upper arm strength, baby." Ryan shrugged coolly.
"I'll say…" Luan still couldn't believe it. "You….you really stacked the odds in our favor."
Ryan laughed. "Now, now, don't give me all the credit, Lu. I mean, you cleaned this place up just as fast. Look at it?" he exclaimed while pointing up. "Not a single spider web in sight."
Luan blushed. "Well…..I couldn't let your sister have the satisfaction of thinking that I'm some incompetent layabout."
"I'm sure she'll be eating her words, insinuating that you can't even drive a nail into a board." Ryan nodded, glancing at the hole in the wall.
"Plus…..I kinda felt a new surge of energy when you came to my aid." She said impishly, until she noticed that she was holding her feather duster too close to her face and promptly peeled away the silk off her cheek in embarrassment.
Ryan sniggered. "Perhaps Renee was on to something? You make a great scullery maid. The bandana works for ya."
"As if…." Luan scoffed but quickly smirked again. "I was not maid for this job."
"I dunno…" Ryan shrugged. "Men do the heavy lifting, women are handy with the feather duster, it's what nature intended and the two of us just proved it."
Luan scowled and threw the duster at him. It bounced of his chest and Ryan promptly caught it.
"Very funny, wise guy." She snarked before grabbing the broom. "But that's a sweeping generalization." She joked while passing by him, sweeping what little was left to sweep.
Peeling some silk off his shirt, Ryan rolled his eyes with amusement. "You're firing these puns left and right now? Yup, you're defiantly in a good mood."
Luan smiled. "Of course I am."
"Oh, so you're not mad how I was being a chauvinistic pig a second ago?" Ryan quipped.
Luan chortled. "Nah, I can take a joke. The thing about cracking jokes is that some marginalized group will always get offended by it, no matter how tactful you try to be. Well….they, and the people who try to play white knight."
"Oh, you just made my day." Ryan laughed and approached her. "That's always the reaction I get when I try to be funny."
Luan smirked. "Maybe you oughta try more puns and less making jabs about people's shortcomings, even if most of them are true. Most folks don't want to laugh about themselves."
"Most don't know how to laugh at puns either, Cinderella." Ryan quipped in response.
"Cinderella?" Luan smiled. "Aww….you're saying that I'm an ignored and overlooked beauty?"
Ryan gulped and quickly sought to change the topic. He certainly thought Luan was a lot more attractive than her peers ever cared to acknowledge, but that wasn't the type of compliment one would give to a platonic friend who was a girl.
"Say, you think Lucy is doing okay?" he said quickly and sat on a nearby crate. "I wish I could have helped her, but Renee has a strict rule about assisting "prisoners"."
Luan pouted, disappointed that he didn't answer, but Lucy was not a topic she would want to dismiss.
"I dunno, the poor thing. I wanted to help her too but you know how your sister is." She sighed and sat next to him. They had finished their chore, now they just needed Renee to pull up the ladder again so they could climb down.
With no work to distract them however, Ryan grew nervous about being alone with Luan. They had avoided any flirting so far, but he knew she couldn't refrain from that for long.
"Well, I have some good news….sort of…." he told her. "I snuck a note to her explaining what happened, just so she knows that this was all Lynn's doing, and that the rest of us didn't bamboozle her."
Luan blinked. "You did that? Did Renee spot you?"
"Almost, luckily I have quick reflexes." Ryan boasted. "It's not much, but hopefully it will give the kid enough willpower to finish her task, knowing we still have her back."
"Except, Lynn." Luan's face darkened. "I know her and Lynn aren't pals, but this….gosh….this was low, even for her."
Ryan tugged the collar of his shirt. "Now, Lu…..try and forgive her. She panicked."
"Panicked? Are you defending her now?" Luan asked harshly.
"No, I ain't." Ryan reassured her. "But….eh…I get why she did it. She didn't mean to do it, it was an off the cuff reaction. She's scared about getting in trouble if your folks learn about Lyle."
"That's no excuse for taking 7-years-olds hostage. She made that mess and now-"
"Lu, try to understand. You think we started that feud with Mohawk Moron and his goons?"
Luan looked at him with uncertainty. "Knowing, Lynn…"
"I know she has a short-fuse, but we were just minding our own business. You know the story, I took her to the gorge beneath that big bridge, we were swimming, having fun, and then he and his pals showed up and started throwing pebbles at us." Ryan explained. "Then he….eh….started making crass comments at Lynn and…..well, she decked him in the face."
"I know, I remember…." Luan scoffed sarcastically. "Classic Lynn, always escalating things with her foul temper."
"It's not all her fault. I doubt that slimebag would have let us leave after merely roasting us with his not-so-witty insults." Ryan elaborated. "Plus, your folks went on this big trip with your sister, I think we owe it to them to let them enjoy their trip without worrying about this feud. They would have gone on the trip regardless, so what was there to gain if they'd learned about Lyle today?"
"Nothing, I guess…." Luan mused. "I just hope Lucy somehow cleans that bathroom. I don't want her to stay there for the rest of the day and go to bed hungry."
"Um…..I wouldn't worry too much." Ryan tried to reassure her. "Renee often makes these bluff threats to get kids to do their job quicker….well, sometimes at least."
"Let's hope so, at least she wasn't the only one who had to suffer." Luan sighed, gesturing at the attic. "I hope that will bring her some comfort, though…..she didn't have a little helper who did most of the grunt work."
Ryan chuckled. "All the strength in the world is useless if you're cleaning the floor with a toothbrush. She probably grabbed Lynn's toothbrush for the job."
Luan snickered. "Ryan? Thanks a lot for helping me. You didn't have to but…."
"It was nothing; I'd never leave you in the lurch." Ryan insisted. "Lincoln thought I was crazy for volunteering for this job, but I told him that if Luan needed me I'd come to her aid in a heartbeat."
Luan blushed. "Thanks, that was very sweet of you." she replied softly and scooted closer, making him uneasy. "With you around, I never have to worry about finding a helping hand?"
"Glad to be of service, ma'am." Ryan joked and studied the attic. "Wish it could be in better surroundings though. All this gloomy darkness would be more up Lucy's alley, I prefer the sunny outdoors to kick back and relax."
"It's not too bad…." Luan said suggestively "…it's kinda like when we rode that ferris wheel. All alone and nobody here to bother us?"
Her tone made the hair on his neck stand up as he noticed that her face was inches away from hers. Ryan gulped and started sweating. "Alone? Heh….guess we are?"
"Yeah, remember what happened on the ferris wheel? I tried to kiss you but you were shy about it. Said you didn't want to rush into things?" Luan giggled. "Have….have you given it some thought since then?"
Ryan scooted back, perspiring profusely. "That? I dunno…..haven't really thought about it…eh what with the picnic trip and Lynn and Lucy dragging me off to do their things….."
Luan raised an eyebrow but soon smiled again. "I don't think that requires much thought. We can do it now?"
Ryan's blood ran cold. And here it was, she was even more upfront than before. He chuckled awkwardly. "Kiss? Eh…you mean like on the lips and…."
"What do you think I mean?" Luan giggled and scooted even closer, cornering him against the wall. "It's only scary on the first try; then you're used to it."
Time seemed to slow down as Ryan saw her pucker up and lean forward. With all remaining willpower, Ryan grabbed her by the shoulders and gently pushed her back, much to her surprise.
"Luan, wow, let's not get crazy." He said breathlessly.
Luan blinked. "Ryan, what's the matter?"
"You were trying to lock lips with me." The boy pointed out anxiously, only adding to her confusion.
"So? Don't you want to kiss me?" she squinted. "C'mon, Ryan, you can't still be shy about it?"
"No….I mean yes…eh I mean…." The boy grew increasingly flustered as he tried to talk his way out of it.
Luan sniggered. "Ryan, you're being silly. You know that I really like you, and you like me?"
Ryan felt his throat drying up as she looked at him with her beautiful and soulful eyes that soon grew a small glimmer of fear. "Right?"
"Of course I like you, Luan." He chuckled awkwardly. "You're great, you're funny….you're…"
"Then what's the holdup?" she asked jokingly and leaned closer. "You don't want to kiss your girlfriend?"
Instead of giving him the chance to talk, she closed her eyes and went for the kiss, forcing Ryan to scoot away further until he fell off the crate. The crash jolted Luan and she looked down worriedly.
"Ryan, are you alright?"
"Never better!" he jumped to his feet and rubbed his head.
"Ryan, what happened? Were you trying to get away from me?" Luan asked as she stood on her feet and gently grabbed his hand.
"Girlfriend? You say girlfriend?" he jerked back nervously. "Lu, we….we're not dating." He blurted.
"What?" Luan looked horrified. Ryan gulped and mentally kicked himself. He let it slip and now he was faced with a devastated girl who would no doubt be broken beyond all hope after such a rejection.
"What do you mean "we're not dating"?" she asked, looking extremely hurt.
Ryan had never felt so nervous in his entire life. There was no going back now, he said it to her. Now he was forced to do something he had never attempted to do in his life; handle a situation delicately. But no amount of tact could possibly shield a girl like Luan from heartbreak.
"I…..eh…I thought we were friends? There was no talk about dating?" he answered nervously.
"Friends?" she looked at him like he was crazy and stepped closer with an annoyed scowl. "Is this some kind of bad joke?"
"Well….I…" Ryan fidgeted.
"You asked me out on a date, we sat together on the ferris wheel, you won a tone of plush toys for me, we had a smoothie together, we went to the park together, we flirted, that's called dating!"
It certainly sounded like dating, Ryan couldn't deny it. "Yes, we did all of that, I had lots of fun the whole time…..but….that doesn't equal dating."
Luan stepped back, the look of horror remaining as it was. "You….you don't like me?"
"Wha-no! Of course I like you." the sweaty Ryan insisted, unable to bear the thought of making her cry. "You're pretty, you're funny, you're a riot to be around. I really do like you. I meant everything I said about you."
Luan wasn't any happier, only more confused. "Then what do you mean we're not dating? I like you, you like me? What's the problem?"
"I….eh….it's not you, Lu. Really. I loved our date….but eh….c'mon now? You're not seriously planning to get serious like that? We're just kids….."
Luan's brow furrowed. "Yes, yes I am. Why wouldn't I? You were flattering me nonstop since we met!"
"Eh….yes, yes I did. And I meant everything wholeheartedly." Ryan insisted. "But I thought it was just…eh…y'know….harmless flirting?"
"Harmless flirting?"
"Yeah, yeah, remember what I said about not rushing things?" Ryan shrugged sheepishly. "We're kids, we shouldn't be worrying about that kind of stuff. We're free creatures who don't let themselves be bound by such commitments? Like….like a wild eagle soaring through the vast, blue sky, all unrestrained and stuff?"
Oh, words could not describe how shitty he felt saying that, considering the whole reason he was giving this speech to her was because of another girl, and he was the one who made the first move and kept enforcing the idea.
"It's not considered cheating if I never even called her my girlfriend?" he wondered.
"Ryan, you're not making any sense?" Luan retorted irritably. "What's the big deal about dating a girl you really, really like? I don't see the darn problem here?"
"Well….eh….." Ryan grew more and more tongue-tied.
"Well what?" Luan barked. "This really isn't funny!"
"I think it's just better to stay friends, keeps things simpler." He answered quickly. "Dating makes things so needlessly complicated, just being friends is a lot more fun. A little casual flirting spices things up, but commitments muddle everything."
Luan turned silent and squinted. "Commitments? You saying you're scared of commitment?"
"No, no, not at all." Ryan raised his hands. "I just don't think diving head-first into this drama-filled dating business is the right thing to do. You're a great friend, Luan, I never had a buddy like you and your siblings, and I don't want to ruin this friendship with such complications."
"Complications?" Luan couldn't make sense of this.
"Yes, yes, we had such a great time so far as friends, who goof around, make prank calls and you show me your magic tricks? I stand up for you against rich broads trying to beat you down? We help each other out with chores? Who would want to ruin such a beautiful friendship?"
"Friendship?" that word gave Luan migraines, partly out of confusion but partly out of other reasons. "He's….he's friendzoning me?!"
"Yeah, we make such great pals, why change that?" Ryan continued and hesitantly placed his arm over her shoulders. "To quote some wise toys….eh…"you have a friend in me."Isn't that such an inspiring phrase with so much weight, ethos and…eh junk?"
Luan's eyes twitched. Why was he saying these things? Things were going so smoothly between them? Okay, so maybe they never officially used the b-word or the g-word out loud, or ever talked about dating specifically, but some things didn't need to be spoken to be understood?
"Is it Lynn? She wouldn't do this to me now?! Not after we faced Kathleen together?" Luan didn't want to consider that possibility, but she knew Lynn had a thing for Ryan and she didn't take losing well. Was she still trying to get what she felt entitled to? Or was Ryan just suffering from ye old macho fear of commitment, as he implied? Or both?
"Eh, Luan? Don't you see my point?" Ryan spoke up sheepishly, fearing she was going to freak out any minute.
"Friends? You wanna be just friends?" Luan stepped back, twitching, shaking and sporting a forced smile.
"Oh, this is not going well….." Ryan swallowed a lump. "Please don't cry…."
"Say, you want to do those magic tricks?" he suggested in a last-ditch attempt to smooth things over.
"Friends? Yeah, friends…." Luan chuckled uncomfortably. She tried to compose herself. Maybe she shouldn't jump to conclusions just yet and get a better understanding of what was going on with Ryan, and why he was trying to get out of this blossoming relationship?
"Yes, friends….." Ryan replied tentatively. "I'm very lucky to have run into a friend like you. If this week was any indicator, boy, I can't wait for all the crazy antics you'll drag me into in the future." He laughed and swung his fist joyfully.
"Yeah, crazy antics….." Luan forced a teeth-clenched grin and grew stiff.
"Oh, please. Something happen to get me out of this?" Ryan pleaded inwardly when they heard a knock on the hatch.
The hatch opened, and Renee's head popped up and her eyes soon widened. Ryan grew ecstatic. He never thought he would be happy to see his sister?
"Sis, you're back!" he quickly approached the stunned teen. "Did we do a good job, huh? I told ya we would clean this place within an hour?"
Trying not to let her jaw drop again, Renee stepped into the attic and studied every square inch. Surely not all the Loud sisters were secretly wizards at housework?
"No need to congratulate us, Ren. A job well done is its own reward." Ryan said hastily while the disheartened Luan just stared at him, barely even registering Renee's presence.
"It would seem so…" Renee said in a low voice, visibly disappointed. "Fortunate for you, for now you won't be missing dinner."
"Dinner? Awesome!" Ryan exclaimed as he stepped onto the ladder. "But before we chow, mind if I feed Marceline first? No? Thanks! By!" And with that, he was gone like the wind.
Renee let out a low growl before facing Luan, who still seemed to be oblivious to her presence.
"I'm surprised, kid. You did well, both of you." Renee reluctantly said as she observed the place once more. "I assume you did most of the dusting, while my brother stacked those boxes?"
"Eh….yeah…." Luan mumbled, barely caring about any of that.
Unable to find Marceline, Ryan returned upstairs in time for his doctor's appointment.
"Will you hurry it up, doc? I bust a hump cleaning your attic, so I deserve some nourishment." Ryan groaned, sitting on Lisa's bed while the toddler applied some dermal adhesive to the wounds on his palm, after having cleaned them with sterile saline.
"Do you wish to have your abrasions treated or not?" Lisa deadpanned. "Medical treatment cannot be rushed."
Ryan rolled his eyes. "So is this all? I won't need any stitching?" he asked curtly.
"Fortunately for you, no. I see no evidence of tetanus or any other form of bacterial disease, and the lacerations are only surface level. You were very wise to sterilize and disinfect them immediately after your ordeal with the canine, every cut has the propensity for infection if left untreated." Lisa said matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, well, where I'm from animal attacks are an everyday occurrence. You learn the basics." Ryan snorted. "And this is it, right? I'm free to go?"
"Not exactly, I would prefer it if you returned tomorrow so I can check for any purulent discharge."
"Huh?"
Lisa rolled her eyes. "I want to check for puss, and secondly…."
Ryan jerked back as Lisa was suddenly holding a vaccine. "Considering your soft tissue came into contact with the sullied and insanitary dentition of a canine, you should take the precautionary measure and take the administration of a vaccine against the Rabies lyssavirus virus, the most common cause behind canine-related assaults."
"No thank you!" Ryan flinched. "I ain't taking no shots. That dog was not rabid, trust me, I've seen rabid animals. I know how they act, and this one was fit as a fiddle."
"Suit yourself." Lisa placed the vaccine down. "But you're committing this act of medical negligence at your own peril."
"I'll take my chances, thank you." Ryan snarked. He wasn't worried though, a rabid wolf wouldn't be smart enough to disarm you while you were distracted or know how to trick another animal to knock you out of a tree, or would live to see the date of their original encounter, two months down the line.
"You know, I didn't anticipate you being so disquieted and jittery during a rudimentary medical procedure which caused no disturbances to your receptive tissue? It was very quaint." Lisa said with the tiniest hint of a smile.
"Yeah, yeah, do I need to cover these scratches?" Ryan asked curtly, not needing a dictionary to figure out what Smarty Pants was getting at.
"Yes, protection would be recommended to minimize the chances of infection." Lisa nodded. "You can reapply your bandages."
"I'd prefer something less restrictive." Ryan groaned.
"Any form of handwear could suffice; you can find some admits the hand-me-downs." Lisa shrugged as she suddenly walked towards her closet and came back pushing a box.
"Hand-me-downs?"
"They're merely an accumulation of belongings from my older siblings for which they have no further usage. Given the overcrowding of useless trinkets in both our attic and garage, mother and father were forced to store some in my room, which admittedly has ample amounts of space." Lisa grunted while struggling to push the box.
"You don't say." Ryan scoffed. "Linky gets to sleep in a closet, the others are stuck with roommates that constantly squabble with them, but you got all of this to yourself? It's quite spacey once you take out all the lab stuff?"
Lisa stopped, yet again feeling crappy about herself. "Well….our living arrangements rotated a lot as more siblings came. Of course, I was last in line, at which point we had an odd number of female siblings, so…."
Ryan rolled his eyes and sighed. "Whatever, lemme take a look." He grabbed the edged of the box and pulled it closer to rummage through it.
"Defiantly not." He snarked while holding a pair of pink sparkle gloves and threw them away before finding a pair of boxing gloves. "Pfffftt…..that's even more restrictive." He scoffed and threw them over his shoulder.
"May I ask a question?" Lisa suddenly spoke.
"What?"
Lisa felt her throat drying. "About my brother…..has he…..eh…."
"Mentioned you? Not really." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Not in so many words at least."
Lisa just looked at him, disheartened. "But…but he has mentioned my name?"
"Might as well play messenger while I'm at it." Ryan figured. "I shouldn't squander my chance to keep tabs on her."
"Both him and Lynn are pretty mad at you. Don't need to be a genius to figure that out." he continued uncaringly. "Though with Lynn, it probably has more to do with you hypnotizing her into spanking herself. Seems kinda morally questionable, y'know? Brainwashing people against their will?"
Lisa just felt worse being reminded of this. She hadn't really thought much about the ethic implications of her past projects, sans making sure they weren't physically or mentally harmful, and even then, her track record showed that testing your inventions beforehand still didn't guarantee that they were safe to work with, or that they wouldn't randomly combust.
"Though the zombie thing didn't sit well with her either?" Ryan shrugged. "Y'know, you should probably at least apologize to them sometime soon?"
"You think a mere apology will be enough?" Lisa asked incredulously. Was this guy serious?
"Course not, I'm just messing with you." Ryan snorted and finally looked at her. "But living with siblings who hate you and don't want to speak to you is bound get…..awkward, Lizzie."
"Could you please not use that inane designation?" Lisa ranted.
"Would Dr. Frankenstein be better?" Ryan smirked, causing her to deflate and sniff.
He wasn't sure if he actually felt any sympathy for this small menace to humanity, but he had promised to Lincoln and Lynn that he would help them fix things with their family, and Lisa was still part of that family and a with her mad scientist antics, she was a serious liability that should not be left unchecked.
And perhaps, as someone who prided himself for his strength and unquestionable charisma, he hated seeing someone with a strong talent being reduced to a weeping sad sack? For better or worse, a toddler mad scientist was something that could not and should not be dismissed and ignored.
"Come now, don't start bawling your eyes out?" Ryan continued, feeling some semblance of pity. "You want my advice on the matter?"
"Why are you willing to communicate with me?" she asked. "You were right there and nearly perished, just like Lincoln and me?"
"Dunno, probably cuz I never cared for you one way or the other?" The boy shrugged.
"That's very morally elevating." Lisa said with bitter sarcasm.
"Look, Four Eyes. I told you that what's done is done. Playing the sad violin won't change that." Ryan continued. "Lincoln's mad at you, but anger is like mist, it eventually fades away. Or in other words, after Lincoln cools off you can try and patch things up with him?"
Lisa blinked. "You theorize that reconciliation between me and him is even remotely feasible?"
"No clue, personally I would just lock you up in some government facility…." Ryan quipped, unaware that his comment made Lisa's blood run cold.
"….but he might think differently after pulling himself back together from that nasty fright? He is such a goody-two-shoes. It's worth a try? Better than just sitting in your room and wallowing in self-pity, that's for sure."
Lisa looked down, not exactly feeling encouraged by his "pep talk". But Ryan's argument still made logical sense, being proactive in trying to deal with this issue was still favorable to being reactive and resigning yourself to self-imposed isolation from one of the few people in your family who exhibited any form of intelligence.
"And for what it's worth, I did sorta tell him about your funk and asked him if he wanted to talk to you again, and he just said "that can wait for now"?" Ryan revealed.
Lisa looked at him, her curiosity peaked. "He did?" It wasn't much to go on but it was intriguing?
"Yup, but you better give him some more time to ponder and cool off." Ryan advised her. "Like, at least a day or two. And don't do any science stuff while you're waiting, I can only save your beacon so many times."
Lisa didn't say anything and just mused. In spite of the whirlwind of emotions both her and Lincoln had experienced in the wake of her "accident", her brother had not turned his back on plain logic. He seemed to at least be considering reestablishing communications with her, if only for practical and pragmatic reasons. And she had no intention to bungle her chance to mend bonds, even if she had to bide her time.
Lisa wasn't the only one who was suffering an existential crisis at the moment, though Luna's plight did not quite have the same pathos, to put it mildly.
"I think this might call for exorcism?" Lucy said as she and Lincoln watched Luna laying on her bed in a fetal position, quivering, sobbing and rocking like a mental patient. The expression on her face was blank and almost dead-like.
To Lincoln, it was quite disconcerting seeing Luna like this. Luna was one of, if not the most mellow and level-headed of his sisters, relatively speaking that is. Pretty much all of his sisters were very much defined by their passion in life, and messing with that passion could yield some melodramatic results, and Luna was seemingly no exception.
Though Lincoln himself, admittedly, wasn't blameless in the "making a mountain out of a molehill" department. But as he and Lynn could attest, learning to mature from that mindset requires some drastic experiences.
"Luna, c'mon, we're having dinner, that might cheer you up?" he started gently. The rocker didn't even respond.
"I doubt having dinner with her captor will have that effect." Lucy disagreed.
"Not helping…." Lincoln rolled his eyes.
"Luna…" he lightly touched her hand "…..I'm sorry you can't go to that concert. I know what it's like when you can't go to some place or event you really want to, I've been there plenty. But it's not the end of the world."
"End of the world?!" In the blink of an eye, Luna was suddenly on her feet. Lucy jumped back while Lincoln yelped as he was hoisted up in the air.
"This is ten times worse!" Luna screamed while frantically shaking him. "I've dreamt of getting Pucker Uppenheimer's autograph since I was nine! And take pictures with him!"
"You're being unreasonably enthusiastic." Lucy said morosely. "People of high fame rarely care about giving their humble fans the time of the day."
Luna didn't even hear her. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" she cried while staring into Lincoln's sole with deranged eyes, making him quite unnerved. "For me and Sam to share this narly experience together!"
He chuckled nervously. "Don't be so negative Luna, it's not like you. I mean, they're a band, right? Bands play more than one concert? You two will get another chance….someday?"
"Are you wankers! Do you know how hard it is to get even one lousy ticket for their concerts?" Luna cried as she resumed shaking him. "Sam was beyond lucky to get those tickets, only for that psycho to come along and lock me up in my own home!"
Lucy looked at the window and noticed that it was boarded up and surrounded by spike wire. "That's disturbing." She said grimly.
"It's cruel and inhumane, man!" Luna pulled her brother just inches away from her face. "Me and Sam wanted to do this ever since we met in middle school! What kind of a soulless, sadistic monster would be cruel enough to do something like this to a girl? To heartlessly whisk away her one chance to fulfill a dream?"
"Renee Taylor, she has ice coursing through her veins." Lucy grumbled, but was ignored again.
"Um….look on the bright side? Maybe your plight will inspire you to write one wicked power ballad?" Lincoln tried to cheer her up. "Don't musicians brainstorm their best songs when they get emotional?"
"Linc, bro! Please help me! Help me escape! I beg of you!" Luna pleaded.
"Luna…" Lincoln sighed, his worst fear confirmed "…..can you put me down first?"
"Oh, right?" Luna giggled uneasily while her eye twitched. She dropped him and he unceremoniously plopped on his butt. "So will you please help me? You always know how to get out of sticky situations?"
"Why should he help you?" Lucy asked. "When was the last time you helped him?"
Luna sent her a dirty glare. "Stay out of this, Lucy! You don't understand this."
"I understand that throwing a tantrum over a music festival is rather petulant." The goth retorted evenly. Luna narrowed her eyes.
"Luna, I'm not helping you escape." Lincoln stood up and dusted himself. Luna turned to him, utterly dumbfounded.
"Dude, you pulling my leg here?"
"Trying to escape Renee is a fool's errand." He continued. "You saw how she handled the twins, you remember how she brought you down with one move? Even Lynn doesn't want to cross her. We can't escape her, we gotta accept this. All we can do is keep our heads down and behave till she leaves."
"Linc? You're bailing on me now?" Luna asked indignantly while pointing at herself.
"He's being sensible." Lucy said, not that the rocker heard her.
"No, I'm trying to look out for you." Lincoln replied firmly.
"Then why don't you want to help me?" Luna scowled. "Not cool, bro."
"Have you been listening to a word I said?" Lincoln threw his arms up. "Renee's unbeatable, what do you want me to do, to break the rules and get myself into trouble? You escape while I'm left behind to face the consequences?"
Luna bit her lip but didn't reply. She looked aside and clenched her fists.
"If you care to hear my advice…." Lucy started as she walked up to Lincoln and faced the rocker. "Our existence is nothing more than a long string of disappointment, desire is suffering. Life is unfair and thus craving for something is the cause of all suffering. No matter how passionate you are about something, the universe seldom has plans to reward you for your passions."
"Will you zip it, Lucy!" Luna suddenly snapped. "Blimey! I had enough headaches for today; I don't need your stupid pessimism to harsh my mellow!"
"You can't talk to her like that!" Lincoln raised his voice. "It's not her fault we're in this predicament."
"No….." Luna's face softened a bit. "It's all Lori's fault, that selfish egomaniac!" she threw her arms up. "She had to get involved with that quinceanera stuff, drag mom and dad along, and dump us at the mercy of some buzz kill control freak!"
Lincoln's face hardened but he kept his tone even. His sister was just trying to pin the blame for her sorrow on someone. "Look, I'm not one to defend Lori, but you can't blame her for this?"
Luna shot him an annoyed look.
"Look, this trip was very important, not even for her as much as for Bobby, and their relationship. Believe me, she didn't do this out of selfish reasons."
"Oh, so it's all about her and Bobby then?" Luna retorted. "But our relationships with our peeps don't mean jack, huh?"
"Lucy, you're back!" they all heard Luan's voice and the goth turned around just in time to be embraced.
"Aye….not her now…." Luna facepalmed.
"You had me worried."
"Luan…." Lucy said incredulously "…..I'm fine, really…."
"Luan, you finished with your chore?" Lincoln asked, remembering how Renee had brought the ladder.
"Sure am, Ryan helped speed things up." The comedian chuckled. "And here I was worried this would be a chore to get through. Get it?"
Luan didn't dwell on her pun this time and faced Lucy with a somber expression. "Are you feeling well?"
"I'm fine, Luan." The goth reassured her. "The isolation and confined space were maddening, the task was humiliating and laborious, but I kept going and served my sentence."
Luan blinked. "Wait, you did it? You cleaned the bathroom with-"
"She most certainly did." Lincoln nodded with some levity. "You should have seen the look on Renee's face when she saw our bathroom all nice and shiny?"
It took her a moment to process that, but once she did Luan chuckled incredulously. "I can imagine, cuz I left her speechless too once she saw the attic. Good job, Luce!" she slapped Lucy's shoulder playfully. "You're a real trooper!"
"Um….thanks." Lucy replied tentatively, though Luan's show of concern for her was defiantly welcoming change of pace.
Luan turned to the rocker. "So, what was with all the yelling? Sounds like someone in this room went heavy mental?" Luna seethed as Luan giggled at her own joke.
"Luna's upset that Renee won't let her go to a SMOOCH concert with that Sam girl, who apparently got her hands on two ultra-rare tickets." Lincoln explained.
"Oh, what a bummer." Luan feigned sympathy. "Tough luck there, sis. I'm so sorry….."
"Don't hurt yourself with the sympathy…." Luna scoffed.
"Well, look on the bright side, Luna?" Luan shrugged. "I'm sure that Sam would have had a rocking time with you, but this way she can find a hot date to smooch with during the concert."
Lincoln sniggered. Okay, that one was kind of funny. But Luna had a very different reaction.
'Get out of my room!" she yelled and stomped her foot, startling everyone.
Luan narrowed her eyes. "I live here too, Metalhead! I'll come and go when I feel like it!"
"Girls, calm down." Lincoln was quick to step between them.
"You're absolutely right, Lincoln." Luan huffed and her demeanor changed. "No need to make a fuss over this, not when Luna will be moving out of here soon."
"What are you talking about?" the rocker blurted. Lucy was likely surprised.
"I'm swapping roommates." Luan said casually, watching her fingernails. "I grew tired of you."
"Luan, let's not phrase it like that." Lincoln tried to downplay it. "Luan just felt like a change of scenery would do her good."
"Yup, and you're looking at my new roommate!" Luan proudly proclaimed and pulled Lucy into a one-armed hug.
"Wait, what?" the goth blurted.
"So you can pack your drums and beat it!" Luan scoffed smugly, much to Luna's irritation. The four of them suddenly heard throat clearing and were startled to find Renee standing at the doorway.
"I thought I told you miscreants to come for dinner?" She said stiffly.
"Renee!" Luna yelped. "I swear I was coming, but Luan came here to start a fight!"
"I did not!" Luan retorted.
"I don't care who started it." Renee massaged her forehead. "Just get down, dinner is falling behind schedule!"
"We will." Lincoln stepped up. "Me, Luan and Lynn have a big announcement to make at the table. Luan sorta spoiled it for you two though." He told Luna and Lucy.
Luan chuckled awkwardly. "Ups? No cake for me I suppose?"
"Riveting…." Renee rolled her eyes. "Can you brats get down now?"
"Oh, Renee! I have wonderful news!"
Renee groaned hearing that voice, as a certain blonde came rushing to her side, holding a flyer.
"Hey, guys! Guess what!" she happily waved at her siblings, none of which returned the gesture.
"Renee, I spent like hours totes remembering all your rules!" she exclaimed to their guardian, who looked as disinterested as humanly possible.
"No, wait?" Leni tapped her chin. "That wasn't the first thing I wanted to tell you?"
"Has that anything to do with the rock you're holding?" Renee deadpanned, making Leni realize she was holding a ruby pebble in her other hand.
"Oh, yes! I wanted to give you this pretty pebble! I found it myself." she squealed and handed it to Renee. "It's a friendship gift. I thought about buying something but it's the simple gifts that come from the heart!"
Renee rolled her eyes.
"Do you love it?" Leni asked eagerly.
"Mere words cannot describe my feelings about this generous offering." Renee replied dryly.
"Aw, it was nothing. And that's not all. I studied real hard to memorize all of your rules so I don't accidentally cause trouble." Leni smiled.
Lincoln sighed. "Leni, you really didn't need to do this-"
"C'mon, Renee, hit me!" Leni exclaimed as she handed her the flyer. "Ask me any random rule and I'll get it right!"
"This might be worth a chuckle." Renee rolled her eyes. "Fine, what's rule number seven?"
"Oh, I know this one?" Leni said and started snapping her fingers. "It's on the tip of my tongue-yes! No whistling in the hallway!"
"No…." Renee answered flatly. "It's no belching at the table."
"Dang it, I'm so sorry." Leni looked ashamed. "Alright, I'll get the next one right! I know….eh rule number eleven? It's…eh….eh?"
The other siblings groaned in annoyance, while Renee pinched the bridge of her nose.
"No late-night snacks?" Leni scratched her head when Renee grabbed her hand.
"Yeah, sure, congratulations….." Renee humored her and sought to get rid of her again. "But how about you do us a favor and go fetch that girl…..in the pink dress? So she won't be late for dinner?"
"Lola? Of course!" Leni clutched her hands. "Dinner is the most important meal of the day."
The moment she sped away, Renee handed Lincoln the pebble.
"Do me a favor and dispose of it." She told him before clapping her hands. "Alright let's get moving!"
The others obliged and headed downstairs.
If you enjoy this story, then I have some good news. Do to my tendency to go overboard with the length of the chapters; I have pretty much finished like 80% of the following chapter (with this and the next one having originally been conceived as one chapter). Ultimately, one of the girls will have to take a dive in order for this roommate swap to work out, and be stuck with Lola! Gasp! Shock!
Keeping up with the ongoing theme of the sisters struggling to connect with each other due to their different attitudes and hobbies, I can imagine both Lynn and Lana frequently feeling left out by virtue of being the least feminine of the sisters. I have a suspicion that what Lynn told her little sister wasn't simply an attempt to sway her XD And now she has made what is probably her first real attempt at reaching out to one of her sisters, the only one who can understand her rowdy, tomboyish way of life, something that wasn't easy, as Lynn's past behavior had clearly soiled her image in Lana's eyes. But now it seems that Lana might finally sober up about the reality of her family's situation, and about Kathleen.
Clearly, leaving Ryan alone with Luan was not the best idea, and in spite of not wanting to crush her, Ryan was cornered into a situation where he let it slip that they're not an item. And in spite of his attempts to explain himself and smooth things over, Luan clearly did not get the message. This and Lynn's treatment of Lucy is unlikely to make her relationship with the jock any better.
