"That's….that's a nice new van." Albert had to admit as he filled up his cup with the coffee machine they had brought into the garage. "About time you got one."
Lynn Sr.'s cup shook in his hands as he tried to be casual. "Well, yeah? I do keep my old one around, given that it's a family heirloom and all, but it's nice to have an extra van…that…" he forced a cough "….actually works properly."
Albert inspected it and rubbed his hand against the paint job. "So did you win this on a game show, or was it some kind of gift?" At his question, Lynn tensed up with embarrassment.
Albert chuckled light-heartedly. "I mean, it's obvious you couldn't have scraped together the stinkin' money yourself without bankrupting the family, this beauty looks like she cost a small fortune?"
"Well….it was a gift actually. You were on the mark." Lynn admitted awkwardly and took a sip of his coffee. "Though once my restaurant gets off the ground, I'm sure my financial situation will…improve."
Albert looked at him, his expression impassive, and drank half of his cup before sighing. "I sure hope it does. You and Rita need all the money you can get to keep this big family afloat."
Lynn still felt uneasy, he couldn't tell if Albert's response was meant to be encouraging or urging him to better live up to his promise, or both?
"I…eh…I'm confident that it will work. Not to toot my own horn, but I do know my way around a kitchen, and I've worked in some restaurants in my youth, so I got this." He chuckled awkwardly. "What do you think about the name though? I was thinking of calling it…" he paused for dramatic effect "….Lynn's Table!"
It was followed up by nothing but dead silence. And a cricket chirping from somewhere.
Once more, his father-in-law gave him an unreadable expression before approaching him and making a so-so gesture. "Eh…might want to work on that name, think of something with more….pizazz. Marketing is always important for running a business." He finished his cup and crushed it in his hand before tossing it into a nearby trashcan.
"Right…" Lynn looked aside bashfully. "…you're probably right."
"But about that van, who was the generous donor?" Albert inquired out of idle curiosity. "I can't see many people just giving away a vehicle like that unless they are stinkin' rich?"
Lynn chuckled. "Funny you should say that? That was actually a gift from someone who is indeed quite wealthy. One of Luan's classmates, her name's Kathleen-"
"Kathleen?" Albert paused. "You don't mean Kathleen Tisdale?"
Lynn blinked in surprise. "You know her?"
Albert rolled his eyes. "Sure do. She and her charity group have been bugging…eh I mean helping out at my place for a while."
"Oh, guess this really is a small town after all." Lynn replied. "What were they doing there to help you old-timers?"
"Frankly, Lynn, I would have preferred it if they took a hike." Albert shook his head. "I try to be nice to them, but that Kathleen girl gives me the hibbie jibbies."
He shuddered. "She just seems too good to be true and seeing her trying to schmooze her way into your and my baby girl's lives doesn't sit well with me either. Why is she giving you gifts anyway?"
Lynn scratched the back of his head. "Well, seems she and Luan don't have the best relationship. In fact, as I learned recently, she used to bully her and now she's trying to make amends with Luan. Luan doesn't seem to want to bury the hatchet, and I don't blame her for it, but as for the other girls, a lot of them are all over Kathleen and you can guess why?"
"I sure can and I gotta side with Luan on this one." Albert put his hands on his hips. "I can tell my gut instinct was right not to trust her. Her throwing her weight around and bullying one of my grandkids is one thing, but handing out expensive gifts? I didn't live to be this age if I didn't know that this sort of cheap trick is the kind of thing bullies do when they want to sweep their misdeeds under the rug nice and quickly, without actually putting in the effort to make up to the people they've wronged."
Lynn hadn't thought of it that way. He hadn't taken Luan's accusations against Kathleen lightly but he felt compelled to give her the benefit of the doubt. She was only thirteen and perhaps that was the only way she knew how to mend broken bonds. But still…
"You make a fair point. Not like I was pressuring her to make amends with Kathleen, I know it's hard trying to forgive someone who constantly picked on you. I wasn't Mr. Popularity in middle school either. She has every right to be suspicious. I guess Kathleen's being a little pushy…"
"She sure is. If you want my advice; keep the girls away from her, they don't need that kind of influence." Albert told him bluntly. "It's all too easy to get swayed by money and fancy gifts and a lot of rotten eggs start out as kids with too much privilege."
That last line made Lynn shudder on the inside. "Yeah, I can see that. Lori started acting a lot more disrespectful once Kathleen gave her the new car."
"Lori too?" Albert raised an eyebrow. "What the hell? If I didn't know better, I'd say that girl was trying to buy away the whole family from Luan, just to mess with her?"
Lynn grew a lopsided smile. "Al, c'mon? That's a bit ridiculous, isn't it?"
"Maybe?" Albert shrugged. "But with rich folks, ya never know. They tend to be…eccentric."
He sighed. "At least Lincoln and L.J know a shady figure when they see one."
Lynn cocked an eyebrow. "Wait, how do you know that?"
Albert gave him a sullen look. They had dragged out this conversation too much as it was. "They told me about it themselves, just yesterday. They told me a lot actually."
Lynn froze and went quiet.
"Guess there's no beating around the bush, Lynn." Albert exhaled. "We both know what's up. Actually, I knew about it for a while, long before Linc and L.J came to me. Rita had to vent out her growing frustration to someone."
Lynn dropped his cup and didn't even register that hot coffee spilled all over his right leg.
Albert held his hands up. "Before you freak out, I don't blame you for this situation. I came here precisely to help you sort this mess out. A mess that has been left unchecked for far too long."
"Did…did Lincoln and L.J tell you everything?" the younger man said worriedly. "I thought this was…"
"Lynn, this is a family matter." Albert explained. "If you want to resolve a family matter, you need all of the family to be in on it. I know the other girls can be as stubborn as mules when they disagree with someone, but I'm not."
A ton of questions flooded Lynn's mind. "How much did Linc….no wait, what did Rita tell you?" he asked with utmost urgency.
Albert wasn't the least bit surprised. Hoping to keep his son-in-law calm, he tried to be gentle. "A lot. I would prefer not going into the ugly details, let's just say she had…a lot of choice words for you."
Upon seeing Lynn's crushed reaction, he added. "Take it easy, she didn't say anything about leaving you or anything along those lines, but I have a nagging feeling she is thinking about it. One thing's for sure; she's fed up with all the chaos going on at this house and she can't take it anymore. Last time she came to visit, she seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown."
Lynn deflated. He shouldn't have been surprised by any of this, he knew what Rita was thinking of him and their home life, but it still stung like a thousand hornets hearing direct confirmation of it.
"I know…." He sniffed despondently "….I'm just a failure of a husband and a fathe-" he was cut off by Albert's big hand clasping his shoulder.
"Lynn, I had this conversation with L.J and Lincoln last night, and I don't want to sound like a broken record." The old man said firmly. "All is not lost, we can fix this mess and we need to fix it right now. The clock is ticking and there's no time for quitter talk or feeling sorry for yourself."
Lynn was at a loss for words, it was all moving so quickly for him. "But I-"
"You already made some progress, the kids told me about it." Albert elaborated. "It's good that you finally put your foot down with the girls, if only a little, and gave Rita some much-needed downtime, but that's just the start. We need to keep this going. Things here need to change and we're going to make it change. Understand?"
"Eh…yes, sir." Lynn said meekly. "But what should I do now? Rita is still upset and the kids are mad at me?"
"That's why I dragged you here for this conversation." Albert eased up a bit, happy to see his son-in-law back on track. "As I said, it's good that Rita finally had a free night in who knows how long, but that's just the beginning. I think both her, and you for that matter, need a lot more down-time…"
Above, two pairs of eyes had been watching them and listening.
"Pop-Pop is busy, let him do his work." Lincoln told his sister and continued crawling through the air ducts. He yawned tiredly and tried to keep focus.
It took them a while, but eventually, Lincoln and Lucy reached and pulled open the vent above the hallway on the second floor. Lincoln was the first to jump down, once more feeling the impact in his feet but this time, he moved out of the way as Lucy jumped after him.
She likewise felt the impact in her feet and fell back on her butt.
"Lucy? Are you okay?" Lincoln helped her up.
"I'm fine, physical pain passes by like a gust of wind. Emotional pain lingers."
"Eh…okay?" Lincoln surveyed the hall and found all the doors to his sisters' bedrooms wide open and the rooms empty, except for Lisa's, which was still guarded by Fenton. The robot politely waved at them.
"They all left." Lucy pointed out the obvious, while Lincoln looked down at the living room, and found it just as deserted.
"There's nobody there but us." The boy sighed in resignation. Things were not looking good.
Lucy wanted to comfort him when they both heard Lincoln's phone ringing. Growing hopeful, the latter looked up the message he had received.
"Who is it?"
"It's from Lynn." He told the goth and read the message.
It simply said. "We found them. Bad news. Meet us in my room!"
"That's comforting." Lincoln said sardonically. Lynn's message was very brief and uninformative, but he guessed she and Ryan were in a hurry.
"They finished their mission? How long have we been trying to get out of the basement?" his sister asked.
"What does it matter?" Lincoln sighed. "Sounds like there's another disaster on the horizon. And you and I can do little it seems but wait and try to pick up the pieces."
They suddenly heard a weak groan and diverted their attention to their parents' room. They found the door open and took a tentative peek inside.
They found Rita sitting at the edge of the bed, slouching and resting her forehead in one hand and holding a half-empty glass in another. "Whut am I gonna duh…" she mumbled, barely coherent.
"Mom? Is everything alright?" she looked up with a start and saw a concerned Lincoln and Lucy in front of her, though her vision was getting blurry.
"Lincothn? Whath…whath…." She grumbled lethargically "….yur punishment?"
"We took our stuff to the basement, just like you and dad told us." He reassured her. "Then each of us took our remaining belongings to our new rooms. Luan and Lynn moved in into their new rooms, while I took Lola's stuff to Lisa's room so she wouldn't have to. We did all our chores."
"Oh…." Was all Rita could say. "Ah….uhh…gudh…"
Lincoln saw a half-empty liquor bottle on the nightstand next to the two-person bed and with his mother's slurred speech pattern and the smell of alcohol, it didn't require a super sleuth to deduce what Rita had been doing while they were away.
"Not again…" a despondent Lincoln blurted in a small voice, but not quietly enough for his mother not to hear him.
"Ahm fine…" she slurred belligerently "….ah just had one shoth…ahm not dhwunk.."
As she said that, her glass nearly slipped out of her grasp and spilled on the rug but Lincoln caught it in time.
"Mom, you need to rest…" he said as gently as possible as he held the glass up for her, knowing that raising his voice to any extent would give his mother a severe headache while she was in this state.
"I canth rest." She grumbled, her eyes visibly bloodshot. "Have choirs to do….have to do laundry…vacuum the house…cleanth the dishes…water plants…"
"Mom, we'll do that." Lincoln insisted as he tried to keep Rita from standing up and Lucy helped to keep her seated.
"You're in no condition to do choirs." Lucy told her bluntly.
Rita wanted to counter that but was overwhelmed by a powerful headache. "Ah….my achin' head..," she whimpered as she slouched again and clutched her head.
"Mom, just lie down for a bit, it's going to be alright…" Lincoln told her when he heard Rita shifting and moaning uncomfortably, as she felt her stomach twisting.
"Mom?" Lincoln jumped back as Rita hurled on the carpet.
"Goddammit…" she lamented, still feeling nauseous. Losing all remaining strength, she leaned over to her right.
"Mom, just please rest…" Lincoln and Lucy tried to keep her from rolling off the edge of the bed. "Please, if you keep slouching like this, you'll only feel more nauseous."
Rita rolled onto her back, overwhelmed by her splitting headache that made her hiss and shut her eyes tight. Lincoln glanced at the pile of vomit just inches away from his feet and shuddered.
"Lucy, please fetch me something to clean this with…" he pointed at it before grabbing the bottle and giving it to the goth. "And do away with this…" he added in a hushed whisper. Lucy nodded and left.
"Where did ah go wrong…" he heard Rita muttering and turned to her. She was shielding her eyes with her left arm, as a single tear escaped past it, running down her cheek. "Why…" she sniffed.
"Mom?"
"Come…closer…" Rita suddenly asked him in a feeble tone.
Confused, Lincoln sidestepped the pile of vomit and looked at his mother, who was now outright weeping. He had never seen her look this broken and pathetic. He thought it was just the alcohol making her act this way, but he knew deep down that it wasn't the whole story.
"Ahm sorry….so sorry…" she sniffed. "Ahm a….horrible mothur…"
"Mom, it's okay?" he replied tentatively. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I..I'm not angry about the punishment-"
"What did they duh?"
"Huh?"
"Ah know yuh didn't…" she sniffed again "…yuh didn't cause trouble, but what did those..damn girls duh to yur babysitter? Yur sisters?"
Lincoln was perplexed but then it hit him. His mother must have been thinking that his sisters were the ones who caused Renee's breakdown. He had been trying really hard this week to be a good son and help her out with chores. She evidently hadn't forgotten that.
"I….nothing. Really, Renee was just….exhausted from having to watch over all of us for two days. It was more than she could handle-"
"Don't lie…." Rita slurred. "Ah know they did somethin'. Somethin' bad. They always do….they're….out of control….unma….unmanageabth….whath did ah do to deserve….. daughters like them?"
Lincoln was taken aback to hear that. But he knew that it was inevitable that Rita harbored such thoughts. There had been times when had thought the same thing about his sisters.
"Lincoln?" he jolted a little upon hearing Lucy's voice. He turned to her and saw her holding up a rag.
Knowing what her brother was thinking, she added, "I heard her."
"Lucy? She…she didn't mean you…" Lincoln tried to comfort her.
"I don't doubt it." she agreed sullenly. "She probably forgot about me entirely while making that accusation."
"Lucy…that's not…"
"Is she asleep?" the goth pointed at Rita. Lincoln turned around and saw that Rita had dozed off, snoring lightly.
He sighed. "Yes. Let's leave her alone. She needs the rest." At that moment, Lincoln let out a heavy yawn and rubbed his eyes once more before crouching down and cleaning the mess his mother had left.
"You're exhausted."
"I know, but I can't rest now. We need to know what Lori is plotting."
To say that Lincoln wasn't ready to hear the truth would be an understatement.
"They are planning WHAT?!"
"Well, technically it was Kathleen's plan, but they seemed pretty cool with it." Ryan shrugged nonchalantly. "So…yeah, doesn't really absolve them of anything?"
The four were sitting in a circle in Lynn's new room, with Lana, fortunately, being absent.
"Lori kept saying how they had little time left because she thinks you two will snitch on her." Lynn elaborated. "So their little scheme has probably already been set into motion."
"They can't be serious about that?" Lincoln was beside himself. "That's….that plan is plain crazy! Crazy and idiotic."
"Ah, silly child, you must never underestimate an angsty teen girl's capacity for shortsighted idiocy." Ryan said with a faux-Asian accent.
"Were you expecting a cunning and insidious plan from Lori or Lola?" Lucy deadpanned to her brother. She was far less surprised to hear about this than he was. Somehow, she had been anticipating this kind of revolt.
"Nope, I was expecting something dumb, shortsighted and heavy on melodrama." Lynn said bitterly. "And who'd have funked it? That's exactly what we got."
"Please tell me you're exaggerating it?"
"There's no time for denial, Lincoln." His sister told him curtly. "I'm telling you, that's exactly what we heard. I'm impressed by the leaps in logic Lori performed to convince herself AND the others that they are doing this for the good of our whole family."
Ryan smirked at her. "I think the technical term is "being delusional"."
"She has also utilized fearmongering. She did the same thing while me and Lincoln were spying on her meeting." Lucy pointed out. "Fear is a powerful weapon and Lori knew how to wield it."
"I can't believe the others would stoop this low." Said the crestfallen Lincoln. "Well…other than Lola."
"Doesn't surprise me to be honest…" Lynn grumbled. "Leni is weak-willed and Luna is too consumed by her stupid crush on Sam to think clearly…"
"Sam? You mean Sam, as in the girl who's her best friend?" a puzzled Lucy asked. "How does that work?"
"I. Don't. Want. To. Know." The jock retorted.
She glanced aside and her stern expression turned into one of despair. "I still can't believe Lana would go along with it…"
"Looks like you didn't get through to her like you thought you did." Lucy said in response. Her tone wasn't taunting per say, but merely matter-of-fact.
"Watch it! For your information, she was very reluctant and only agreed after Lori made her think she would lose her pets forever." Lynn retorted. "And your new roomie was also involved!"
"She wasn't." Lucy frowned. "She had enough common sense to bail before it was too late."
Lynn let out a mocking laugh. "Don't flatter yourself. I would bet my lucky jersey that Tin Teeth would have gone through with this if Kathleen wasn't involved."
"Girls." Lincoln interjected. "It doesn't matter who's in and who's out, we still have five sisters who are about to commit the biggest mistake of their lives."
"Can't we just tell our parents?" Lucy asked.
"We don't have enough evidence, genius." Lynn retorted. "And how exactly are we going to explain knowing about their stupid plan, they hadn't come up with it yet while you and Lincoln were spying on them here."
"Yes, and unfortunately, our sneak mission didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped. We left some incriminating evidence behind, including a grappling hook, and caused a bit of a ruckus with Kathy's poochies." Ryan added, trying to conceal his aggravation and embarrassment.
"Yes, incrimi….wait, what?" Lynn turned to him, alarmed.
"Relax." He said coolly. "I always make sure never to touch any of my gadgets unless my hands are gloved. They can't trace it back to us, but unless everyone is a moron, which admittedly is a possibility, they will probably figure out some uninvited guests were snooping around Kathleen's clubhouse."
Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Yes, you broke the law three times this week and you made my sister complicit in it. Words cannot express how much I appreciate that."
"Now, now…don't give me all the credit." Ryan said with faux-humbleness and gestured at Lynn. "Lynn was the one who insisted we kidnap Jenny for intel." The jock swatted his arm away in annoyance.
Lincoln narrowed his eyes when Lucy spoke. "At least you did it for a good cause, unlike our sisters. I'm pretty sure feigning your own disappearance breaks Michigan state laws."
"Exactly, Spooky." Ryan nodded. "As is harboring missing people and enabling them to stay missing. You see, pipsqueak? You gotta fight fire with fire."
"Can you two stop bickering about unimportant tidbits?" Lynn cut in. "What are we gonna do about our sisters now, if we can't just tell mom and dad what we know without getting into trouble?"
"We gotta flush them out somehow." Lincoln replied.
"Shouldn't be too hard, you know a lot about each of our sisters, Lincoln. Including their weaknesses." Lucy looked at him. "I'm sure you know how to exploit them, just as Lori did."
"I guess…" the boy sighed.
"But what's gonna keep them from going MIA the next day or the day after that?" Lynn asked. "How are we gonna keep those morons from going through with this period?"
"Military school?" Ryan shrugged. "Maybe we can get Lizzie and her creeper-bot to hack into one of those establishments and enroll the bimbos into-"
"No, we are not doing that." Lincoln countered firmly.
"But how are we going to keep them put?" Lynn asked. "You do know we're heading to the homestretch? The day after tomorrow is….y'know."
"Hmmm…maybe letting them hide at Kathleen's place for a bit wouldn't be so bad?" Ryan shrugged. "You did say that we would need to keep them away from the house on the big day?"
"We can't." Lynn retorted. "If we let them stay there for three days, mom and dad will go mad from worry, and I won't let Lana bunk with and fall under the influence of that…." She was steaming and trembling with anger "…that…"
"I agree, Lynn. Stopping the "incident" won't mean much in the long run if we just allow another disaster to fester in the background and spread. I don't rest well leaving them with Kathleen either. We need to flush them out pronto."
"So do you believe she's pure evil now, Lincoln?" the goth asked him.
He looked at Lucy, deep in thought. "I hesitate to use the term "pure evil" but anyone who just casually suggests to their friends that they should run away from home and…..I don't trust her. She IS bad news. I was hesitant before, that this just sealed the deal."
"Took you long enough…" Ryan leaned forward and poked him in the arm "….giving everyone the benefit of the doubt will get you nowhere in life."
"I gave you the benefit of the doubt, didn't I?" the other boy scoffed. "While I regret some of it, we haven't been caught yet, so clearly I made the right call."
"No respect at all…" Ryan leaned back and looked at Lynn indignantly. "After all my help, he still treats me like I'm a bad guy?"
Lynn glanced between the two undecidedly. "Lincoln, he's right. You can't still act like-
"I won't…" Lincoln said begrudgingly "…which is why I wanna hear his opinion."
His statement caught Ryan off guard. "What do you think would be the quickest and most effective way to flush them out?"
The girls looked at him too. Ryan rubbed his chin. "You have the right idea, Twinkle Toes. I'd say we play on their biggest weakness and give them a reason to not just come back home, but stampede back home. Give them some kind of offer they couldn't possibly resist."
"I could think of a few, sure. But how are we supposed to do it, make prank calls?"
"That would certainly be loads of fun, might as well get Luan on it." Ryan smirked.
"And how can we do that without letting them know it's us?" Lincoln asked the obvious. "Otherwise the jig will be up?"
Then an idea hit him. It wasn't one he was fond of, but it could be the deciding element.
"I think I know how, but that will require the help of-"
"Please don't say it." Lynn massaged her temples in aggravation.
"….Lisa." Lincoln finished.
"I apologize. But Master Lisa cannot. Be disturbed. Under any circumstances."
"I knew this was a bad idea." Lynn grumbled as they were being prevented from entering Lisa's room by Fenton. His creator was still sleeping at her desk and hadn't touched her hot cocoa, which was now ice cold.
"But we really need her help. It's an emergency." Lincoln implored him.
"Your ambitions are. Irrelevant. The only thing that matters. Is Master Lisa's recuperation."
"Why you annoying little…" Lynn fumed and took a step forward with her fists clenched. "You think you can tell us-"
She yelped and jumped back as Fenton's optic beams nearly roasted her feet, leaving behind two small scorched holes in the floor.
All four of them backed up. "It is imperative. That my master gets. Her rest. Disturbances of any. Kind won't be tolerated."
"That's it. I told you this was a lost cause." Ryan lamented and threw his arms up. "As long as he's here, the little egghead might as well be on Mars."
"Guys, let me try something." Lincoln told them and stepped forward.
"Lincoln, don't." Lucy tried to tell him but it was too late, Lincoln made his appeal.
"We don't want to cause Lisa any grief, far from it." he told the robot. "I believe we've done enough of that this week."
"We?" Ryan said in disbelief. "And what about all the-"
"Shhhhhh!" Lincoln hissed at him before calming down and turning back to Fenton.
"We merely make a humble request for her services. I understand that you live to do your master's bidding?"
"Affirmative."
"And I assume you are very close to your master and understand her better than anyone?"
"Likewise affirmative."
Lincoln braced himself. "Here it goes."
"Then you must surely know that Lisa holds me in high regards and would want to help me if I asked her, just like how she helped us last night?"
He waited for a response from the unexpressive robot, who seemed to be evaluating his claim.
"Your assessment…..is accurate."
Lincoln smiled with relief and looked at the others hopefully.
"Subject Lincoln Loud. Is the only biological. Relative that Master. Lisa has not spoken of. In a derogatory manner."
"Nice." Lucy deadpan.
"What did he say about us?" Lynn made a face, before deciding that it wasn't important. "Never mind that, can we wake her up now?"
"Negative."
"What?" the jock was outraged.
"I cannot allow. For Master Lisa's slumber. To be disturbed." Fenton explained.
Then he bowed respectfully, in a stiff, mechanical manner. "Which is why I. Shall assist you with. The requested task. On her behalf."
Surprised, the kids exchanged glances of uncertainty, but Lincoln had an idea and gave in.
"Fine. You can help us." He told the robot. "Now, I'm sure someone as brilliant as you master has had no trouble inventing a voice modulator?"
"Is he trying to sweet-talk him?" Lynn whispered to Ryan, but he wasn't listening.
"Voice modulator?" he asked with intrigue. The prank calling potential was limitless?
"Negative." Fenton answered, much to Lincoln's disappointment.
Fenton's arm extended and closed the door, before locking it and throwing the key into the secret compartment in his chest.
"But that won't be. An issue. Give me five minutes. We rendezvous in. The kitchen." He added as he waddled past them.
They all jumped back in fright as Fenton's jet boots ignited and he flew downstairs.
"I…did not know he could do that." Lincoln blurted.
"I'm pretty sure the projection he showed us was filmed from the air." Lucy told them. "The one where he vaporized Hops."
They soon heard faint construction noises from downstairs.
"A voice modulator. How underhanded of you." Ryan smiled at Lincoln gleefully. "You do know those are super illegal?"
Lincoln gulped hearing that, but Ryan was ecstatic. "Oh, this is going to be so much fun!"
"It won't. I'll tell Fenton to terminate it after it served its purpose."
"Or you could hand it over to me as a friendly gift." Ryan pointed at himself. "I'll keep it safe."
"Absolutely not!"
"Oh, come on, now. Don't you have any imagination?" Ryan leaned forward and poked him in the chest. "You have any idea how useful that would be for getting out of trouble and so much more?"
Lynn got between them. "We'll vote on that later. Let's see what that stupid fox is doing."
"But, Lynn-"
"We'll vote later, Lincoln. As a team." She told him firmly. "Now let's go."
Lincoln groaned. Why did every single thing Ryan said have to appeal to Lynn and Lucy? Just once, couldn't they prefer his suggestion?
In the kitchen, they found Fenton working on the house phone.
"So how are we going to flush each one out?" Lucy asked her brother.
"We'll have to impersonate someone they care a lot about?" Lincoln rubbed his chin, already sporting a guilty expression.
"That's not too hard." Lynn said and snapped her fingers. "Lori? Bobby. She'll drop everything for him."
"But Bobby is out of town."
"He could come back." Lynn shrugged. "And if "Bobby" told her something that would rile her up, like say…."
"That he's hanging out with Carol Pingrey?" Lucy suggested.
Lincoln winced. "Yeah…I guess that would do it."
"Ah, playing on a teen girl's inherent jealousy and possessiveness of her boyfriend, genius!" Ryan rubbed his hands. "Can I play him?"
Lincoln sighed. "Sure. Hey, Fenton. You know how Lori's boyfriend sounds?"
"Yes, I have data. On Subject Lori's subservient partner. Roberto Santiago. Allegedly, his existence. Occupies most of her brain waves."
"Yeah, we non-robots call those kinds of folks subs." Ryan snorted.
"That is. An adequate abbreviation." Fenton admitted.
"Well, if jealousy is the key to success, I guess we know who will lure Luna?" Lynn continued. Lincoln winced again.
But then, the doorbell rang. The siblings looked at the door.
"Can you keep an eye on Fenton?" Lincoln asked Ryan, who shrugged.
"No prob. This is strangely fascinating." Ryan grabbed a chair and seated himself to watch the little android abomination do his job.
"I'm sure it's Luan." Lucy smiled and actually rushed towards the door. "She's going to love this."
Lynn's face scrunched up. "Oh, no. That traitor ain't part of this operation unless we all-"
She and Lincoln halted in surprise upon seeing who was at the doorstep, while Lucy's smile dropped in disappointment upon coming face to face with a total stranger.
"Um…hey?" Sam greeted the unfamiliar child before noticing two more familiar faces.
"Ah, Lynn? And Lincoln, was it?" she smiled. "I hope I didn't barge in at a bad time again?"
Lynn smiled. This was perfect timing. "Sam, so nice to see ya again?" she came and shook her hand cordially.
"It's not a bad time at all. Our evil babysitter's shift ended this morning. We don't have to worry about that crone again."
Sam was visibly relieved. "Oh, cool then. So, is Luna home? I haven't seen her since….y'know…."
"Renee kicked you out?" Lucy shrugged, her tone frank.
"Sam? Luna isn't home right now…" Lincoln started.
"Oh, where did she go?"
"How about we talk about this inside, okay?" Lynn, putting on an overly friendly demeanor, grabbed Sam's arm and yanked her inside.
"Lynn, what are you doing?" Lincoln whispered to her.
"Just roll with it." the jock whispered back and winked. Lincoln quickly got the memo.
Lucy remained at the door and surveyed the neighborhood. "Where is Luan? She should have been back by now?"
"Make yourself at home." Lynn roughly pushed Sam into the armchair.
"Um…thanks, guys." The confused rocker tried to be polite, before hearing Fenton's noisy work from the kitchen.
"Eh…what's going on there?" she tried to look but Lincoln blocked her view.
"Nothing!" he said hastily. "Eh….that's just dad trying to fix our house phone."
"Fixing a phone?" Sam made a face. She was no repairman, but that sure didn't sound like someone tinkering with a phone.
"So you wanted to see Luna?" Lynn cut in to divert her attention, seating herself on the couch.
"Yes, where did she go?" Sam asked.
"We don't know?" Lincoln shrugged, sitting next to his sister. "How about you give her a call?"
"I…I don't want to bother her if she's busy." Sam replied. "I was just worried about her, given…y'know, the stuff with Renee."
"Oh, Renee is old hat?" Lincoln assured her. "She was a huge pain in the neck, but nothing too serious. Everyone has to deal with babysitters like her. Luna's fine."
"So, how about you call her now." Lynn added.
An awkward silence ensued. Sam was obviously confused. The two of them seemed a little too eager to watch her ringing up Luna. But she decided not to be paranoid and did it anyway.
"I hope you like your temporary accommodations." Kathleen was currently showing Luna her room on the fourth floor of the former's mansion.
Luna was utterly awestruck. The place was bigger than all her sisters' rooms put together, with a huge two-person bed with curtains, extravagant furniture that looked like it had been plucked from an old timely British manor, a widescreen tv and the window gave a panoramic view of the Tisdale estate.
"This particular room was decorated by my cousin Eliza. She's from across the pond, so of course, she based it on her personal provincial preferences. Your sisters say you're a bit of an anglophile, so I thought you might appreciate the decor."
"Dude….it's…..it's bonkers! In a totally dope way!" Luna was besides herself with laughter as she jumped on the bed like an excited child before allowing herself to plop down, splaying her arms and legs out as her body sank into the soft mattress.
"I know it's missing something very important, but don't you worry." Kathleen assured her. "I'll have all the musical equipment you need shipped to you by tomorrow morning at the latest, but in the meantime…"
Luna saw her kneel down and grab something from beneath the bed. Getting up, Kathleen offered her a guitar. A guitar with a very recognizable signature.
Luna's eyes bulged out in shock and awe, as she was handed the guitar.
"Eliza met Mr. Swagger last year during his tour in London, of course she had backstage passes." Kathleen chuckled. "Feel free to keep it if you want to. She doesn't care that much about rock and roll."
Luna was agape and could only let out a weak, barely audible squeal as she held the guitar in her hands.
Kathleen backed away. "Well, you make yourself comfortable. I still have to show the twins their respective rooms. They requested that they be in different wings. Just remember to come down for supper. Today's appetizers are poached salmon and Beluga caviar, but I won't spoil the main course."
By the time Luna came to her senses, her host was long gone and she was all alone in this big room. A very unfamiliar sensation for the Loud girl to be sure. She looked at her guitar in awe, trying to soak up the scope of her fortune. All other thoughts, such as the lingering doubts regarding the ethics behind Lori's plan to teach their family a lesson had sufficiently been pushed back into the deepest, most unreachable corners of her mind, as was the trauma she had suffered being trapped in "the darkness".
But then reality came calling. The ringing of her phone caught Luna off guard and she jolted. Picking up her phone, she immediately worried that it was her parents calling, in which case Lori had warned her not to pick up the call. They weren't supposed to answer any calls period. They were "missing", after all.
But then she got a good look at the caller ID, which proved to be a bait she could not resist.
"She's not picking up?" Sam looked at her phone, which was still ringing. More construction noises could be heard from the kitchen.
"Go and help Ryan, I'll deal with this." Lynn whispered to and nudged Lincoln away before approaching their guest.
"Something wrong?"
"She won't answer?" Sam frowned. Lynn started to panic inwardly. If her sisters wouldn't pick up the phone, then her team's ploy to flush them out would be for naught.
"Luna?" Sam pressed the phone to her ear. "Yeah, it's me. Where are you?"
Smiling, Lynn leaned very closely to Sam.
On the other end of the line, Luna was panicking. She wasn't supposed to be doing this. She hadn't considered that Sam too would have to deal with her "disappearance". Was it worth having her suffer too?
"I'm….eh…doing stuff…"
"Doing what?" Sam asked idly.
"Eh….buying new bolt…eh I mean string cutters? Heh….slip of the tongue…" Luna chuckled nervously and nibbled her fingernails.
"Oh, okay? I just wanted to know if we could hang out a bit? I haven't seen you in two days and besides, Sully and the others want to jam together at his place this evening. But we can't do that without our lead guitarist."
"She shoots! She scores!" Lynn rubbed her hands in excitement.
There was a moment of silence and Lynn could easily envision her musically-inclined sibling shifting and twisting in aggravation, being given a tempting offer but being unable to seize it.
After a few more seconds of radio silence, Sam spoke. "Luna? Do you hear me?"
"…..I…eh….I…I kinda promised my sisters that we would do something together…" came the rocker's strained response. Each word sounded like she was forcefully pumping it out of her throat.
"….it's….it's kind of a family bonding tradition…"
"But then why are two of your siblings here, Lynn and Lincoln?" Sam replied in confusion before looking at the jock. "Lynn, you didn't tell me anything about-"
"Wait…Lynn's with you?" the panic in her voice was evident.
"That's because there is none." Lynn shrugged before grasping Sam's phone. "Mind if I chime in?"
Lynn pressed the loudspeaker. "Really now, Luna? What kind of a lame excuse is that? And to bail on your best friend no less? Everyone in this neighborhood knows we Loud sisters DON'T do quality time together."
"Eh…Luna, if you're busy with something, I understand." Sam told her. "It's just…I was hoping-"
"Don't be so humble, Sammy." Lynn told her. "A real friend oughta find the time to be there for their best bud, especially when doing something that's important to them, like band-practice. It's summer, not like she has anything else to do."
"Lynn! You stay out of this!"
"Guys, it's okay." Sam tried to mediate the situation. "Luna, if you don't have time, that's cool, we'll jam some other time. The others might be disappointed, but they'll understand."
"Fine." Lynn shrugged, trying to act nonchalant, and gave Sam back her phone. "Guess you'll spend some more quality time with a special someone, eh Sammy?" she elbowed Sam in the arm playfully, making her blush.
"Don't blame ya. You know how to snare yourself a catch like Sully, you vixen." Lynn continued, keeping her tone as loud and clear as possible.
"Forget what I said! My sisters can do without me! I'm coming home this instant!" came Luna's response. "Just sit tight!"
"But Luna-" the call abruptly ended. Sam was left even more dumbfounded, while Lynn pumped her fist before looking away innocently as Sam turned to her.
"Yeesh? Indecisive much?" she shrugged. "Guess you won't have to disappoint your bandmates after all?"
"Don't take it personally." Sam jolted a bit as she found Ryan leaning on the armchair to her right. "These Louds can never make up their minds about anything….no offense, Lynn."
"Ryan? You're here too?"
"You bet, these guys can't get enough of my brilliant zingers." The boy casually strolled towards Lynn and leaned at her, whispering, "The V.M is ready for a test drive."
"Then you boys do it." Lynn nudged him away. "But I think I'll offer Sam some much-needed female company."
"Fine, but you're missing out." Ryan scoffed and walked back to the kitchen.
"What was he talking about?"
"Oh, nothing." Lynn waved her hand. "Him and Lincoln want to do some boy stuff in the backyard. Not interested."
"Whatever it is, my curiosity is piqued." Lucy walked past the two, preferring to assist Lincoln and Ryan than being stuck in a room with Lynn and some stranger.
"Good news, ladies and bots. Moon Girl's already stampeding back home and we didn't even have to lift a finger." Ryan informed Lincoln.
"I heard it." Lincoln sighed. "At least we got her."
"Hook, line and sinker." Ryan chuckled. "She's has it bad for Sam, I tell ya."
Lincoln scowled. "Will you stop with that unfounded-"
"The voice modulator is. Operational." Fenton presented them the device, which was hooked to his chest with a cable and the robo-fox offered them a mike.
"I have data on. Every person that has stepped. Foot in this home for. The last week. Adjusting the pitch to. Match their voice. Will be simple." He explained.
"Do you know where Luan is?" Lincoln jumped as Lucy popped up next to him. "She would have loved making prank calls with advanced equipment."
"Yeah, where is she anyway?" Ryan wondered.
"Lucy, can you go call her?" Lincoln asked the goth, who nodded and walked off with her phone.
Now alone, Lincoln turned to Ryan. "Better aim at the brain of this operation; Lori."
"Fenton, we need you to copy the voice of Roberto Santiago. You claimed to have data on him?"
"Positive." Fenton once more projected camera footage onto the wall. This time, it showed a moment from Lori's ill-fated house party. Specifically, her and Bobby kissing and fondling each other on the kitchen floor, next to the fridge.
Lincoln and Ryan recoiled in disgust.
"Alright, no need for the visual aid." Ryan told him.
"Now. Which of you two wishes. To be the speaker?" Fenton asked.
"I'm telling you, Leni, this is the best possible way to protest against oppressive parents." Lori said happily as she and Leni rested in beach chairs right next to the pool, wearing bikinis and sunglasses, under the shade of parasols.
"I dunno, Lori. Something doesn't feel right?" her sister said, much to Lori's annoyance.
"What's not right?" she lowered her shades and rolled her eyes.
"Well…" Leni giggled "…it's not the pool, or the mansion, or our rooms, or the food, or the decor, or all the clothes Kathleen graciously lent us, including this cute bikini, and Kathy herself is nothing if not wonderful…"
"Then what's the problem?" Lori asked peevishly.
Leni's smile dropped as that nagging sense of doubt kept pestering her "…something else doesn't feel right. I just can't think of what it could be?"
Lori groaned. "I see the issue, Leni. You're thinking. I told you not to do that. It's bad for you. Why waste time with such time-consuming activities when you can count on your always reliable big sister to make the right decisions for you?" She gestured at herself.
"Someone is nursing their ego." They heard Lola scoff.
Lori saw her approaching them, without having undergone a change of wardrobe, and scowled. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm "bunking" here too." Lola folded her arms. "I thought we were in this together?"
"Yeah, I know, but can't you be somewhere else right now?" Lori sat up and threw her arms up exasperatedly. "This ain't our dinky, little home. There is so much stuff here to explore, so many places to be, anywhere that literally isn't here. You're not even dressed for-"
"It was not our intention to intrude." Kathleen appeared, causing Lori to jolt and resume a more friendly demeanor.
"Oh, Kathleen? I was just kidding." Lori chuckled. "I was just trying to get her to explore this place more, so many things for her young mind to soak in-"
"Oh, don't worry. We won't disturb your sunbathing." Kathleen assured her. "We just came to ask you if either of you has seen Lana?"
"She's not with you?"
"No, she seems to have disappeared." Kathleen explained. "This place is so big, it's easy to get lost."
"Who cares!" Lola dismissed her concern. "Knowing Lana, she probably ran off to teach your chihuahua how to bury bones or mark her territory. If you're that worried, just send a bunch of your slaves to look for her."
"An excellent idea." Kathleen smiled. "She's probably off bonding with Chloe. A daily dose of recreation is a must to keep your canine companion healthy. Just give me a minute." She walked away and dialed a number.
"She's undoubtedly here somewhere." Lori assured Lola. "She can't step foot outside of this estate, just like the rest of us, and she's well aware that it would compromise our mission if she did-"
They heard a ringing and saw Leni picking up her phone from the folding table. "Oh, it's from home?"
Lori and Lola grew nervous. "Leni, don't do that!" Lori jumped out of her chair and ran at her but was too late.
"Hello?" Lori facepalmed as Leni pressed the phone to her ear.
"Oh, Bobby? How are you doing?"
That name immediately roused Lori's interest. "Bobby? How is he calling from-give me that!"
She snatched Leni's phone away. "Boo-Boo Bear, is it really you?" she asked, getting all teary-eyed.
"What are you doing at my house? I thought you were in Great Lakes City?"
"Oh, chica. Mi amora, I'm so grateful to be graced by your angelic voice once more." Ryan was hamming it up to the max on the other end of the line, his dramatic delivery being accompanied by equally grand gestures. "Dios mios, these last few days has been unimaginable torture!"
"Bobby, honey? Are you feeling alright?"
Lincoln facepalmed. "You idiot…." He hissed at Ryan. "Bobby doesn't talk like he's from a freaking telenovela."
"Oh, sorry, babe." Ryan hastily added, but didn't lose his dramatic affectations, and sniffed. "Being around my family is starting to rub off on me."
"No! No! I don't mind that, sweetiekins! It's just….how did you get here? I thought…"
"Oh, I just couldn't bear to be separated from you for so long, La….Lo…eh…"
Rolling his eyes, Lincoln held up a cue card saying "LORI".
"…Lori, yeah…" Ryan continued. "I'm so sorry, baby…." He whimpered melodramatically "….ever since the passing of my…..eh…family members, I couldn't think clearly. It's just so painful. Why, the only thing more painful than that was being told that you had to head back to Royal Woods and leave me behind. I miss your beautiful visage-"
"Don't overdo it." Lincoln warned him and held up another cue card saying "BE SUBMISSIVE".
"Oh, Boo-Boo Bear…" they could hear the audible guilt in Lori's voice, Lincoln could practically see her fidgeting and biting her fingernails. "….I didn't mean to leave you! You know I never would have done that, but mom and dad forced me into it! I swear!"
Ryan remembered to act submissive, but that didn't mean he couldn't employ some good ol' guilt-tripping. "I know, babe, I know. I would never try to impose my insignificant little problems on you. I know you have far more important things to attend to." he whimpered with trembling lips.
Lincoln had half a mind to smack him, just to stop this ridiculous overacting.
"Bobby….don't say such things! This is far from insignificant! I know I shouldn't have left!"
"Then can we please meet somewhere? I really need you right now, you're the only light in my darkest hour…"
"I…..look, Bobby, I….I can't exactly see you right now, I'm busy doing….eh…"
"Darling, it's alright. I get it. I shouldn't have come all the way here from Great Lakes City just to pester you. So I had to lend money from Riley-"
"Ronnie…" Lincoln told him.
"…eh… Ronnie's piggy bank and now I'm in her debt, but that's no biggie. I can see you're preoccupied. I won't ask why. Whatever it is you're doing, I'm sure it's way more important than little ol' me."
"The bait." Lincoln hissed. "Just bait her already." He pointed and tapped on a new cue card he was holding.
"Mamma told me to do something productive with my spare time and I shall obey her wishes." Ryan continued. "I was offered a job as a counselor at a summer camp, might as well take it. It was…." He glanced at the cue card "….Carol Pin…grey who recommended me, said she would show me the ropes and everything, she's such a nice person."
"Carol!"
"Yeah, she says helping kids lift your spirit. Makes you forget about everyday life and prepares you for parenthood. I think she's eager to get to know me better."
"Wait, Bobby!"
"No, no, I won't bother you anymore. Good luck with whatever it is you're doing. Oh, and…"
He noticed Lincoln pointing at another cue card. "….tell your little sister that some dude named Donnie Dufresne is here looking for her. Goodbye."
And so he hung up. "You see, pipsqueak." He bragged. "This is what's like not just being a master prank caller, but also a first-class thespian."
"I call it almost blowing it." Lincoln countered. "I told you to let me do it. At least I can remember freaking names!"
"Right…" Ryan snarked casually "…I'm sure you would have loved having softcore phone sex with your big sis."
"Phone what….ew!" Lincoln shuddered. "Can you go one minute not being disgusting?"
In response, Ryan picked his ear. "I dunno, can you go one minute keeping your head out of your ass?"
Meanwhile….
"Bobby!" Lori shook the phone frantically. "I can't believe it! That lousy, cheating…"
"Lori, take a deep breath…" Kathleen grabbed her by the shoulder. "Let's not do anything hasty."
"Hasty! Didn't you hear him! Donnie Dufresne wants to see me!" Lola cut in. "I've got to see him!"
"And I've got to see Bobby! And give him an earful! Pronto!" Lori freaked out. "I can't let him be a camp counselor with Carol, that's how it starts!"
"Lori, I thought you girls were keeping a low profile." Kathleen told her. "Don't give him any compromising-"
"Compromising? That Carol bitch is trying to steal my man!" Lori snapped at her. "Are you freaking blind! She's exploiting my absence and his vulnerable state to steal him from me! She's been planning that since we were freshmen! Summer camp is literally among the top five most romantic places for a teen romance to bloom!"
"Wait? How exactly would that Carol girl know about your absence?" Kathleen countered. "None of you have been reported "missing" yet?"
"I don't care! I have to take care of this! Sorry, Kathy! We'll start our plan tomorrow! Promise!" Lori told her and rushed towards her car, grabbing Leni along for the ride.
"Come on! I need someone to hold Bobby down while I smack some sense into him!"
"Lori, wait!" Kathleen shouted but to no avail.
"I'm sorry, but I gotta go too!" Lola told Kathleen. "I promise, I'll be back by tomorrow! I gotta know what Donnie wants!"
Before Kathleen could get a word, Lola blasted off after her sisters.
"Strange?" the rich girl noted.
"Miss Kathleen?" she heard the voice of James, her chauffer, running up to her.
"What is it, James?"
"I just came to inform you that one of your guests, the girl named Luna, has left the premise." He told her humbly. "She ranted something about having to tell her best friend how she really feels about them?"
"Lemme guess, that guy is also at the Louds' home?" Kathleen raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not sure, miss. But I do think she mentioned the word "home" at least once. She was to fast."
Kathleen groaned. "Have you at least found Lana? By the looks of things, there's probably someone waiting for her there as well?"
Close by….
"Miss Lana! Please cease this game of hide and seek so we can show you your accommodations!" posh voices could be heard, as various staff members searched the estate.
She tried to hide from them. Fortunately, this place had a literal maze of bushes, so dodging them wasn't that hard. What was hard was finding an exit out of this vast estate. She couldn't just go to the gate without tipping someone off.
The maze eventually led her back to the clubhouse, in other words, back to square one.
"Dang it!" Lana ranted as she ran past the pool. "There's got to be some way out of this place?"
She halted as she spotted the mansion in the distance, and saw numerous staff members searching for her. Lana wanted to kick herself, she was dangerously exposed, so she dove into the bushes.
She navigated her way through them, keeping her body pressed against the wall, until she heard a noise that sounded like bricks grinding against each other and the wall gave way, if only by an inch.
Lana turned around and felt the wall, until she realized that she was looking at a bunch of loose bricks.
She beamed with joy, it was just the exit she had been looking for. She pressed her shoulder against the loose bricks, but with her limited strength, it took her a while until she pushed them all out.
Lana rested on her knees and panted, before a big shadow loomed over her and she heard a low growl.
She turned around and saw a doberman looking down at her.
"Hey there!" Lana was overjoyed, grabbed him by the head and scratched his left ear.
The big dog immediately rolled onto his back and panted happily as the tomboy proceeded to rub his belly.
"Aren't you a cutie! Who's a good boy! Who's a good boy! You are! Yes, you are!" Lana briefly forgot what she was doing, until she heard one of the butlers calling.
"Miss Lana! Please stop with this inane foolishness! Miss Kathleen needs you to stay put!"
Lana groaned. "Sorry, doggy, but I can't play. I can't let the Jeeves patrol catch me."
She bid the doberman farewell and crawled through the hole in the wall.
Once she was out on the street, Lana felt herself and realized something.
She snapped her fingers in frustration. "Aw, crud! I forgot my phone back at the mansion."
"Come on, come on…" Lincoln tapped his fingers against the table as his little sister failed to pick up the call.
They didn't need a voice modulator to steer Lana back home, at least that's what Ryan suggested. They simply needed to tell her that mom and dad were getting rid of her pets, a worry Lori had already planted in Lana's naïve, young mind. Once more, Lincoln said that it was a horrible thing to do, but it was the best way to get the little tomboy running back home.
"She's not picking up. What could she possibly be doing that she can't hear her own phone?"
Ryan scoffed. "The better question would be what she ain't doing. If Kathy's mansion is anything like her hotel, the number of distractions there must be in the thousands. Kathleen already ensnared her with a fuzzy little chihuahua."
"Positive. Young children are. Easily distracted. Especially by small mammals. With the exception of. Master Lisa." Fenton concurred but was ignored.
"Such a great prank call, utterly wasted." Ryan lamented, earning an annoyed look from Lincoln.
"I thought you liked her?"
"I do like her." Ryan shrugged. "But seeing her reaction would have been priceless. No harm, no foul."
Meanwhile, in the living room, Sam was waiting for her friend in awkward silence, until Lynn came and offered her a can.
"Coke?"
"Eh…sure, thanks." Sam took it. "Lynn, is Luna okay?"
"Why do you ask?" Lynn plopped back onto the couch. She popped the can, took a big sip and then threw it away, somehow making it land in a trashcan.
"She sounded….I dunno….a little twitchy? Has something been bothering her lately?"
"Now that you mention it?" Lynn pretended to think. "She has been a bit stressed-out? Maybe you wanna talk with her about it? Spend some time together, it is summer after all?"
"And none of you talked with her about her problems?" Sam inquired.
Lynn tried not to scoff. "We're siblings, Sam, not friends. We don't do much heart-to-heart." She replied bluntly.
Upon the teen's confused expression, the jock rolled her eyes. "You're an only child, ain't ya?"
"Well….yes?" Sam shrugged, seeming genuinely shocked that Lynn figured that out so easily.
"Lynn, I can't contact Luan." Lynn jumped as Lucy appeared next to her.
"She won't pick up her phone."
"And you're telling me this…..why?" The jock scowled. "Knowing her, she's probably off having a "woe is me" pity party."
The door suddenly slammed open, startling all three girls.
"Where is he! Where is that ungrateful two-timer!" Lori bellowed. "I'll kick his ass! I'll strangle him! I'll tie him into a pretzel!"
"She's here? Already?" Lincoln panicked. "We gotta get rid of this modulator!"
"No problem." Fenton's arm extended and threw the device into the air before he quickly dispatched it with one shot from his optic beams.
"No!" Ryan cried as its ashes fell to the floor. "You fool, that thing was going to revolutionize the art of prank calling!"
"Where is he!" they heard Lori scream again.
"Yes, where is he!" Lola cut in, still clad in her "movie star" getup. "Where is Donnie! He owes me a new audition!"
"Oh, hey Sam?" Leni greeted their guest after happily skipping in after her two enraged sisters.
"You two are more aggro than usual?" Lynn sneered nonchalantly. "What's your damage?"
"Don't push your luck, twerp!" Lori marched up to her and Lucy. "Where is Bobby! I know he was here just a moment ago!"
"And where's Donnie Dufresne!" Lola lamented.
"Dunno…" Lynn shrugged and gestured at Sam. "I was just socializing with Sam there. I thought Bobby was out of town or something?"
"Well, well, I think Pinky just gave new meaning to the phrase "rich in dollars, poor in sense"!" came Ryan's mocking voice. The two enraged blondes saw him and Lincoln approaching them, the latter visibly nervous.
"You!" Lori hissed, but her rage was for once not directed at Ryan.
"Who did your hair, Pinkie Pie?" Ryan grabbed the top of Lola's beehive hairdo and fiddled with it. "Or did you stick your head into one of those cotton candy machines?"
"Let go off me!" Lola raved.
Lucy and Lynn snickered but stopped upon seeing Lori's hand go at Lincoln like a striking viper.
"You've got some nerve!" she grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Ow. Ow." Lincoln cried as he was pulled towards her. Ryan shoved Lola's hairdo back, causing her to lose balance and toppled over, before karate chopping Lori's arm, forcing her to let Lincoln go.
Lori glared at him in shock. "Why you-"
"Back off, tutz." Ryan smirked. "You're not messing with my main man. Or did you forget that he's got dirt on you?"
Lori was caught off guard before glowering at her brother. "You wouldn't dare! You little, loose-lipped-"
"Oh! Better watch out, guys. I think Britney Spear's aborted clone is threatening to beat us up." Ryan snidely told Lynn, as she also joined Lincoln's side. Lucy did too, but nobody noticed her.
"Ha, I'd like to see you try." Lynn narrowed her eyes at the blonde, bristling with unbridled cockiness. "I don't think your shake diet has left you fit to rumble."
"Will someone help me up!" an enraged Lola cried while lying on her back, her hairdo weighing her down.
"Enough games, twerps! I don't have the freaking time to deal with your bullshit, where's Bobby!"
"Bobby who?" Ryan looked at the others with faux-confusion, only infuriating Lori further.
Lincoln really regrated not planning ahead on how to deal with his enraged sisters. Lynn and Ryan were the only things between him and Lori, and the last thing they needed was for this already volatile situation to break out into a full-blown fight.
"Kids, what's going on here?" Lynn Sr.'s voice cut in. The kids saw him and Albert at the front door. Lincoln had never been so happy to see his dad and grandpa.
Lori froze with silent fury. She and Lincoln exchanged glances, the former glowering, the latter looking back fearfully. They were at a stalemate and they both knew it. They both had dirt on the other, but they couldn't divulge it without immediately being ratted out by the other. Lori knew that they would have to make a truce, at least for the moment.
"Hey, dad? Pop-Pop?" Leni waved at them. "We just came back from-umph!" she was cut off by having a cushion pillow stuffed into her mouth, courtesy of Lori.
"From the mall." Lori finished, chuckling awkwardly. "Just looking at stuff, not buying anything." She added after Lynn Sr. raised an eyebrow in suspicion.
He then glanced at Lola, who finally got up while holding onto her hairdo with both hands. "Lola, where were you? And where did you get all that stuff?"
"And who did your hair?" a dumbfounded Albert inquired. "Haven't seen a dame sport such a hairdo since I was a little lad?"
"Just some gifts from my new best friend." Lola scoffed as she stood up. "Kathleen gave me a wardrobe more befitting of my glamorous personality."
"Kathleen-oh, right?" Lynn Sr. remembered and scowled at the princess. "Lola, I think you and I need to have a word. I'm sure your sisters told you about the punishment?"
"Punishment!" Lola was outraged. "But I-"
"No buts, young lady." Her father told her before nervously turning to Albert. "Eh…mind playing mitigator while I…"
"Sure, Lynn. No problem." Albert patted his back. "Put the kid in her place." He whispered encouragingly.
"But you can't!" Lola cried as she was led away by her father. "I have connections! She paid for your van!"
"Alright, kids." Albert diverted the others' attention to him. "What's the commotion about?"
"Well, not to be a snitch…" Ryan shrugged before pointing his thumb at Lori "…but she was threatening Lincoln. All because she and her love muffin have hit a rough patch."
"What!" Lori snapped. "I did no such thing, you little weasel-"
"Lori, behave yourself." Albert spoke up sternly. "What was that about threatening Lincoln?"
"I did no such thing!" the teen insisted vehemently. "I just came here to meet with Bobby! My boyfriend!"
"Yeah right. Last time I checked, your Boo-Boo Bear was out of town." Lynn cooed mockingly. "Everyone here knows that."
"Shut up, you pony-tailed liar!" Lori hissed. "He called me! He called me from our house number! He was here!"
"Except that he wasn't." Ryan shrugged before "surveying" the room. "Does anyone see any Latinos here?"
He cupped his mouth and called out "Oh, Bobby! Come out, come out, wherever you are, amigo!"
"Lori, Bobby's in Great Lakes City." Lincoln mustered up the courage to speak. "You should know, considering you went there with him."
"Yeah, you did?" Leni scratched her head. "Why would he be here if he's in Great Lakes City? I thought it was a long, long drive to that place?"
"Idiot! You were there when he called me!" Lori snapped at her.
"Lori!" Albert scolded her. "You can't call your siblings names!"
"But they're literally lying to you!" Lori retorted. "They're trying to make me look crazy!"
"You don't need the assist." Ryan snarked under his breath.
"You there!" she turned sharply at Sam, who had been watching the dispute in bemused silence. "You must have seen him!"
"Huh….me?" Sam replied.
"Yes, where did Bobby go!"
"I…..I only saw the four of them?" Sam gingerly pointed at Lincoln, Lynn, Lucy and Ryan. "I didn't see anyone else here until you guys came?"
Lori growled at her before something clicked inside her head. Now it all made sense. She diverted her death glare back at Lincoln and his team.
"I get it now! It was all a set-up! You twerps lured me here!" she pointed at them.
"Lured…what?" Albert didn't follow.
"You pretended to be Bobby!" Lori snapped at them. "You tricked me by impersonating him!"
Ryan let out a hearty laugh. "Right, right…we "impersonated" Bobby."
"Hate to break it to you, Doll-Face, but in case you haven't noticed…" he gestured at Lynn and Lucy "…those two are girls."
He then pulled Lincoln into a one-armed hug. "And me and the little guy here are just boys who still haven't gotten our…." he placed his hand to his throat and talked in a higher-pitched tone "…man voices."
Letting go of Lincoln, Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "So I don't see how any of us could have impersonated a 16-year-old dude….unless you're insinuating that you know so little about your Bobby-kins that you can't even recognize his voice?"
Lynn sniggered. "You might be on to something? Bobby's usually the one paying all the attention to Lori, not the other way around."
Lori seethed.
"Lori, they're right." Albert took their side. "You sure you're feeling alright? Maybe you need to get out of the scorching sun?"
"I'm not crazy!"
"Sam…" a breathy voice joined the conversation. Everyone looked at the front door and saw Luna resting on her knees and panting, as she had just run a marathon to her house. Which is exactly what she did.
"Luna, there you are." Sam jumped out of the armchair and approached her. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Sure…" Luna tried to brush it off, despite her face being red and sweaty. "It's just this blimey summer heat."
"Look…can we go and talk in private or something?" Sam asked before whispering to her. "Your family is acting "cray-cray" again, and I don't want to be caught in the crossfire."
Luna grew a big smile and straightened herself up. "Capital idea, Sammy. Let's do just that." She grabbed Sam's hand and led her away, before the two disappeared upstairs.
"Luna was going home too?" Leni realized. "Why didn't she tell us? We had a spare seat?"
"Forget about her, for I'm done with you all!" Lori ranted and once more dragged Leni by the arm.
She marched towards the others, forcing them to step aside. "I'm going to call Bobby and see what this crap is all about!" she sent Albert a fierce glare.
"With Leni's phone, because you TOOK my phone AWAY from ME!"
"Lori, that is not true." Albert placed his hands on his hips, holding his ground, his tone calm but firm. "Your phone was confiscated, because you are being punished. Throwing a fit about it won't bring it back any quicker. If anything, it will encourage your mother to prolong your punishment."
"Oh, gee, thanks for the support, Pop-Pop." Lori snarked spitefully before dragging Leni upstairs. "Grandpa of the freaking year right there!"
"You're totes right." Leni nodded cluelessly. "He's the best grandfather you could ask for."
The remaining kids saw Albert tremble and clench his fists. He looked like he was going to blow a fuse but managed to compose himself, and just rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Why does that girl have to be so damn difficult." He grumbled to himself.
"Pop-Pop?" Lincoln asked gingerly.
"I'm fine." He assured his grandson and exhaled to vent out his frustration. "I knew this wouldn't be easy."
"The nerve of that…" Lynn seethed "…to give you lip over-"
Albert chuckled. "Now, watch your language, L.J. That won't get you anywhere."
"I gotta say, Al. I'm impressed that you kept your composure." Ryan told him. "If I were in your shoes, I would have subjected her to whatever corporal punishment is still acceptable for you Americans."
"Violence won't solve this, kids." Albert told them sagely. "I know Lori and Lola can be quite frustrating, but trash talking them, especially when they are in an ornery mood, is only adding fuel to the fire. I have a hunch a fight would have broken out if me and your dad hadn't arrived in the nick of time."
"She started it. She was threatening Lincoln." Lynn insisted. "And you have our words, all of us have been trying real hard to keep things peaceful all week."
"I gotta vent out my annoyance with those two crimes against nature somehow. They've been insulting me from the moment we met." Ryan crossed his arms. "I'm been tempted one too many times to pummel that annoying little princess into a bloody pulp, but I always held back."
"Yeah, right." Lynn scoffed jokingly and nudged him in the ribs. "You mean me and Linc had to hold you back?"
"Pfftt…I wouldn't have killed her." Ryan insisted indignantly. "I would have just put her in a body cast for six months. Maybe seven?"
Albert grew a worried look. "You're talking about the time she pushed your sister out of a window, right?" He at least hoped that was the case. Knowing Lola though, he could certainly imagine her annoying someone to the point that they would forget about their natural inclination not to physically harm a small child.
"That's not important right now." Lincoln told him. "There's something you need to know. As crazy as it may sound, we did in fact impersonate Bobby."
"You did?" Albert's eyes widened in disbelief. "How?"
"Lisa helped us. She made a doohickey that…it's complicated." Lincoln tried to explain.
"The little tinkerer is in on it too?"
"Yes….well…sort of….it's also complicated. Look, the point is, we had to flush Lori and the others out."
"What for?" Albert then connected the dots. "Is this about….is Lori planning something?"
Lincoln swallowed a lump and looked at Lynn and Ryan. There was only so much intel he could share with his grandpa.
"Me and Lucy…eh…spied on her. She called everyone sans Lisa…" he glanced at Lucy, whose pleading eyes he could see, despite her bags "…and Luan. She had a meeting and called everyone but us three and Lisa and Luan."
"And what were they talking about?" Albert inquired. "I have a hunch it's no good?"
"Lori talked about getting mom and dad to lift the punishment, she didn't go into any details about how she was going to do it, but the others seemed to be on board with it, and they left to have their meeting somewhere else. We…don't know where or what they are planning…"
"But knowing her, it's probably going to end in disaster." Albert rubbed his temples.
"It sure is. Why else would she have locked Lincoln and Lucy in the basement, while me and Lynn were away." Ryan added, much to Albert's shock. "That's shifty, no doubts about it."
"Their meeting place might be at Kathleen's mansion?" Lucy stated, trying to be discreet. "Lori and Lola are getting very chummy with her."
"Eh…yeah? That could be the place." Lynn added, annoyed that she couldn't go further into it.
Albert immediately grew concerned. "For the love of…I hope not. That girl is trouble, the last thing we need is her giving them ideas about how to protest against authority."
"Well, you know what they say? Always assume the worst." Ryan shrugged. "Let's just work under the assumption that they are in cahoots with her? Everyone agree?"
"Sure." Lynn nodded.
"I find it highly plausible." Lucy added.
"We were preparing for a worst-case scenario anyways." Lincoln concurred.
"I can believe that." Albert concurred. "She's already neck-deep in this affair as it is."
"Whath with thu noise downth there…" they heard Rita's slurred voice from upstairs.
"Rita?" Albert looked up.
"Oh, no." Lynn grumbled. "Mom's plastered again."
"Not again." Albert facepalmed. "Look, kids. I'll get Rita back in bed, see you in a moment."
Back inside Lynn's new room, the four were lounging around, trying to think of what to do next.
Lincoln was pacing back and forth, Lucy was lying on one of the beds, gazing at the ceiling, Ryan was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, and Lynn was sitting on the other bed, leaning against the frame and bouncing a baseball off the wall.
"You know they'll be up, up and away in no time." Ryan pointed out. "It won't take long for Blondy to figure out her boy toy is still out of town. She doesn't give a hoot about her folks paying long-distance calls."
"Maybe if we're lucky, dad will at least ground Lola?" Lucy suggested. "Then she'll be out of our hair?"
"Nah, he's not there yet." Lynn rolled her eyes, still tossing her baseball. "Grounding someone is a whole different league."
Lincoln sighed. "At least Sam will keep Luna distracted for now. They can't go through with their stupid plan without her." He said with growing frustration in his voice.
"If only we could inform mom and dad about what they're up to." Lynn grabbed her ball and squeezed it. "They would be under house arrest for sure."
"Maybe." Lincoln rubbed his chin. "But we'll need to offer evidence to incriminate them. Somehow?"
"Maybe we can find a traitor in their midst?" Lucy sat up. "A metaphorical mole who will dig up dirt on them?"
Lynn rolled her eyes. "Keep dreaming, Pasty. I saw them. They were all ecstatic about it, none of them will spill the beans." She grew a forlorn scowl. "Not even Lana."
"Wait?" she realized. "Where is she?"
"Probably still with Kathleen." Ryan deduced. "We couldn't reach her, was probably distracted by another funhouse within the mansion."
"May I be of. Further assistance?" the kids heard Fenton's voice and the sound of jet engines. They saw him levitating at the open window. He landed on the nightstand.
Lynn frowned. "You? Why aren't you back with your "master"?" She lost the grip on her ball, grumbled and went after it.
"You requested that. I assist you on. Master Lisa's behalf. To please Subject Lincoln." He pointed at the white-haired boy. "She has not summoned me. To return. As of yet."
"If that's the case." Ryan approached him with an inquisitive look. "Could you maybe invent a freeze ray? So we can shoot a bunch of bimbos and keep them in storage until things cool down?"
"That could be accompl-"
"No! No! No! NO!" Lincoln barged up to Ryan, waving his arms frantically. "We are not testing one of Lisa's inventions on them! End of discussion."
Ryan rolled his eyes. "It's your folk's funeral, spoilsport."
"Guys! I hear someone?" they heard Lynn and saw her pressing her ear against the door.
Hearing footsteps, the four peeked through it and saw Luna going down the stairs.
"Where's she going?" Lynn asked.
"Fenton?" Lincoln walked back inside. "Could you keep Lori and Leni under surveillance, discreetly that is, and inform us if they try to leave the premise? But do NOT interfere with them if they do."
"Positive." Fenton saluted him. One of his optics pooped out, grew helicopter wings and flew through the window. "This spy-cam will. Ensure that my presence. Goes undetected."
The kids shuddered, except for Lucy.
"Wicked." She grew a small smile.
"Alright. Let's follow Luna." Lincoln told the others.
