At the crack of dawn, from within a birdhouse built on the wall of a house, a small sparrow emerged, stretched its wings and took to the air, going for the seed feeder hanging from a branch at the other side of the backyard. Life in the suburbs sure was preferable to living in the predator-infested woods.
But not today. Just as it was about to reach the feeder, it was snatched up in the beak of a much larger bird, who then flew up and perched himself on a telephone pole and swallowed the still-squirming sparrow in one go before licking his beak.
The turkey vulture, named Raza, surveyed the area from his vantage point. He wasn't here just to soak in the scenery, he was on a mission and he knew better than to disappoint his boss, despite his fears of getting shot out of the sky. A big bird such as himself couldn't exactly blend in within the suburbs, but he had to try his best, otherwise, he would have to find someone else whose scraps he could feast on.
Lynn sat on top of the banister and slid down to the living room, with Ryan following suit.
"Dunno why, I'm feeling even more confident about winning this sibling duel." Lynn said idly.
"Y'know, I think so too." Ryan smiled at her. "I think you got this one in the bag."
"With some uncredited assistance from me of course." He added mentally.
"You think so?" she smiled back, when Ryan gently grabbed her hands and stepped closer, as they looked at each other.
"Oh, I have no doubts about that, babe. You're the champ. The MVP of any game you're involved in."
Lynn blushed and giggled. "Don't call me "babe"." She said without much conviction.
Ryan smirked. "Sounds to me like you like it. Or do you want me to be like that Bobby simp?"
Lynn chortled. "Hell, no! As a matter of fact, can you promise me something?"
"And what would that be?"
"In the highly unlikely scenario that I ever get so lovey-dovey that I start calling you pet names, please smack some sense into me." She said half-jokingly. "And if that doesn't work, smack me a few more times."
"Duly noted." Ryan nodded before shrugging. "But if we're all alone, surely I'm still allowed to show a little affection."
He pulled his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.
"Like now." He said coolly, making Lynn blush harder. He was sure being bold, but she did not mind it.
"Yeah…sure." The flustered Lynn smiled impishly while resting her hands on his shoulders.
Once more, they started leaning closer, their faces almost touching, when…
"Good morning." They both jumped and let go of each other as Lincoln casually strolled past them with a mug filled with steaming tea.
"I see you've reached first base." He rolled his eyes after taking a sip, making his embarrassed sister's heart skip a beat.
"Wha…yes, yes." She nodded frantically before flexing her right wrist. "We were practicing baseball in the backyard. My pitching arm was getting a bit rusty."
"Lynn, you know what he meant." Ryan rolled his eyes but also smirked a bit, hoping Lincoln would be a little upset, but to his dismay, he was rather calm.
"So…" he asked Lincoln. "Did baby have a good night's rest for once?"
Lincoln didn't bite. "Actually, I did. Probably because I hadn't slept for some 40 hours prior." He just shrugged. "Some nightmares notwithstanding."
"So…are you ready for the big game, Linc?" Lynn asked while trying to extinguish her crimson cheeks with her palms, relieved that Lincoln didn't linger on what he had witnessed.
"As ready as I'll ever be." He sighed. "Have you seen Lucy?"
The others looked around. Lynn grew nervous.
"Oh, I know the drill." She said in annoyance. "The little shrimp is going to randomly pop up and scare the bejesus out of us."
She crossed her arms and waited with dread, but nothing happened. "Any second now."
Then they heard footsteps and saw the little goth casually stepping down the stairs.
"Good morning." She greeted them hoarsely, much to Lynn's annoyance.
"How are we today, Spooky?" Ryan affectionately ruffled her hair.
"Sigh. Not great." She shook her head. "I was not blessed with nightmares involving blood-sucking vampires or flesh-devouring zombies this night. Instead, I dreamed about being Lori's maid."
She shuddered in horror. "It's too horrific to describe."
"I'll take your word for it." Ryan concurred.
"I'm sensing a lack of faith in Lynnsanity here." Lynn scoffed.
"Lynn, nobody calls you "Lynnsanity" but you?" Lucy retorted dryly. "Just give it up."
The jock gave her a nasty glare.
"She's got a point." Lincoln had to agree. "I think after five years, your "I'm gonna keep saying it until its sticks" approach isn't working."
"Anyway, has Lisa called?" Lucy turned to her brother. "Or sent her robot?"
"Actually yes, she has called. It looks like she slept well for once too." Lincoln explained. "But apparently, our sisters haven't decided yet where to hold the duel."
"Does it need to take place in one place?" Ryan asked. "I don't think Lynn's two challenges can be held in one location."
"Hmmm…maybe we could ride on their indecisiveness for as long as possible, eventually leading to the duel getting canceled?" Lucy suggested.
"Sure, if you want to do it the weenie way?" Lynn scoffed.
"No, Lucy. Even if we postpone it, Lynn made a challenge. The contest must happen eventually, it cannot be canceled." Lincoln reminded them. "It's written so in the treaty."
"Oh…" Lucy realized.
"Yes, and when we win this contest, you know what that will mean?" Lynn elaborated. "We'll have Lori and her toadies under our control all day tomorrow, and you remember what day it is?"
The others didn't need to be told twice.
"Right you are." Ryan wrung his hands. "We'll make them do all sorts of humiliating tasks while keeping them as far away from your house as possible."
Lincoln scowled. "We are not going to use our power over them to abuse and demean-"
"Democracy practice!" Ryan held his hand up. "How many of you want to abuse our power and treat Blondy's gang like slaves?"
"Me." Lucy lifted her hand.
"Ditto." Lynn did as well.
Ryan sent Lincoln a smarmy look. "Looks like the votes have been cast."
Lincoln groaned and gave in. "Fine! Just as long as we use our power to keep them AWAY from our house all day long."
He turned his gaze to Lynn. "But then remember, we cannot botch our one chance to acquire that power."
"Yes, you are our star player, for a lack of a better word." Lucy admitted. "The rules say that the team can choose which one of them will represent them in each challenge. I assume you will do your own challenges."
"Sure I will. And I got this covered." Lynn instead. "This will be our final showdown and it will be glorious."
"I'm sure you'll do well with your challenges, but we don't know what Lori will pick." Lincoln pointed out. "We have to be very careful when choosing which player will represent us there…"
"Got nowhere to run. The night goes on as I'm fading away-"
"Enough of this! We need your help!" Lori shut off the boombox and glared at Luna, who had been lying in her bed ever since her argument with Sam, curled up in a fetal position and wrapped up in her blanket, with only her face poking out.
"Dude, just let me lie here and fester away in piece…." She muttered despondently; her face smeared with the makeup that got mixed up with her tears.
"You can wallow in self-pity tomorrow! We need you to get off your sorry ass and join our team!" Lori told her unsympathetically. "I accepted Lynn's challenge to a sibling duel!"
"What do I care…" Luna muttered. "Nothing matters anymore, dude. I'm done with everything."
"But we need you!" Lola lamented. "Lincoln, Lucy and Lisa already joined Lynn's team and we want nothing to do with stupid Luan and especially that miserable wretch of a sister, Lana!"
"Actually, Lana snubbed my offer to join." Lori scowled with contempt and grumbled. "Stupid little Lynn-loyalist…"
"Whatever…" Lola brushed her off and turned back to the rocker. "You don't even need to do anything, we just need to have four members on our team, same as Lynn's!"
"I don't wanna…" Luna mumbled hoarsely.
"Oh, you poor thing…" Leni sat next to her and gently patted her shoulder. "Is this about a boy? Did someone dump you?"
"How do you know that?" an irate Lori asked her.
"Like duh, no girl spends all day lying in bed, crying with her makeup still on, listening to sad music and eating copious amounts of ice cream UNLESS a hunky guy cruelly broke her heart." Leni explained and pointed at all the empty ice cream boxes littering the floor, which Lori and Lola had somehow missed.
"Well, I'll be…" Lori scratched her head.
"It's okay, Luna. You can tell us everything. We'll be there for you for as long as you need us." Leni told her younger sister gently.
"No….that's not it…" Luna said carelessly, for she was too heartbroken now to care about hiding her secret from her judgmental siblings.
Lori's features softened a bit. She did feel sympathy for Luna and under normal circumstances, she might have been tempted to hunt down the guy who broke Luna's heart and do all sorts of nasty things to him (without caring to even hear out his side of the story), but not today. She had accepted Lynn's challenge and her top priority was to win at all costs.
"Who cares about a stupid boy!" Lola threw her arms up! "Boys are icky anyway! Get over yourself!"
"She's right, Luna!" Lori put her hands on her hips, opting to take the "be cruel to be kind" approach trying to build up Luna's confidence again.
"This is the 21st century for crying out loud! We women are strong, vibrant and independent creatures! We don't need a man to be happy, so quit being such a drama queen!"
Lola snorted. "Oh, right. Says the queen of drama herself, who spends every waking moment doing nothing but have lovey-dovey phone chats with her precious Bobby." She cooed and clutched her hands below her chin.
Lori fumed and snapped at her. "Do you want to win this challenge or not!"
"Just leave me alone…" Luna covered her face. "I just want to stay here and fade out of existence."
Leni's eyes teared up. "Oh, Luna. Don't you fret, we'll be here for you, no matter how long it takes!"
"We don't have time to comfort her, you airhead!" Lori yelled at her.
Trembling with rage, she turned to Lola. "Alright, Lola. We tried negotiating, it's time for you to do your thing."
Lola chuckled evilly and cracked her knuckles. "With pleasure."
She strolled over to Luna with a smarmy smile and pulled the blanket off the rocker's head.
"I would advise you to join us without any resistance." She stated casually.
Luna scowled. "Leave me alone, man!"
But Lola leaned closer, grabbed her ear and whispered into it. "Do it, or I'll tell mom and dad about your secret stash of noise complaint tickets."
Luna's pupils shrank and she got up. "Okay, okay." She obliged with a shaky tone. "Just don't tell."
"I knew you would see reason." Lola smiled and flicked her hair over her shoulder.
"You are one cold-hearted dudette, you know that?" Luna said angrily.
"What you call "cold-hearted", I call "cunning and resourceful"." Lola insisted and tapped her head.
"Alright, now that we have our team assembled and have chosen our two challenges, we need to decide where the duel is going to take place."
"We could do it at the park?" Leni suggested.
"No, the park will be too crowded, this sacred family tradition needs to be a private matter, because…." Lori started but then paused, glanced at Leni and forced a thirsty hiss "….oh, man my throat is parched. Leni, could you do us a favor and bring a few soda cans from the fridge?"
"Of course, Lori. No problem." Leni happily obliged without a second thought and left the room. Once she closed the door, Lori smiled darkly.
"What was that about, Lori?" Luna asked.
"Simple, we're better off with Leni not knowing about our "backup plan"." Lori explained. "That nimrod simply cannot keep a secret."
"You can say that again." Lola huffed.
"Meaning?" Luna inquired.
Lola facepalmed. "What do you think, Einstein! We need to do everything we can to rig the challenge in our favor."
"Exactly." Lori nodded with an evil smile. "We need to decide who would be better off sitting on the sidelines, which is just code for that player sabotaging Lynn's team in order to ensure our victory."
Luna blinked in surprise. "But isn't that like…dishonest and underhanded?"
Lori let out a dry chuckle. "And that, my dear sister, is why some other chick stole your would-be boyfriend."
They were unaware that they were being spied on by one of Fenton's eyes, which was hanging on to the ceiling with spider legs.
A text appeared on its monitor saying, "Assessment: Subject Ryan Taylor will be very pleased."
Floating in front of the window to Luna's room on his inbuilt jet boots, the one-eyed Fenton continued transmitting the camera footage to his master.
"Roger that. Go and warn the rest of the team about this new development."
Fenton was ready to go when his remaining optic picked up and zoomed in on a familiar vehicle heading towards the Louds' home.
"Forgive my insubordination. But I detect unwanted. Visitor heading in. Our direction."
Back at HQ (really just her empty room), Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose and leaned against the table she was sitting on.
She groaned into her commlink. "Lemme take a wild guess about the identity of the visitor?"
Now alone, Lola arrived in the kitchen and poured some cereal into a bowl. She didn't remain alone for long.
"Good morning, powderpuff." She heard her twin's voice. It sounded strangely casual, considering the bad blood between them.
Lola saw Lana nonchalantly strolling past her and towards the fridge. She opened the fridge, grabbed a carton of orange juice and started drinking from it, much to her sister's disgust.
"Someone's happy today?" Lola scoffed, though she remained careful with her words. She was part of Lori's team and couldn't afford to waste time, let alone getting injured in another brawl with Lana.
"What's it to ya?" Lana shot back, the juice dripping from her mouth. She used one of her straps to clean her mouth, leaving dark stains on it. Lola cringed at the vulgar display but kept her mouth shut.
"Nothing, not like I care about your stupid escapades. You know I have more important matters to attend to." Lola huffed and turned around, as she started eating her cereal.
Lana, meanwhile, grabbed a bag of dog food and cat food respectively and poured it into two bowls, before whistling with her fingers.
Charles and Cliff arrived immediately and started eating. Lana looked back at her twin and grew a small smirk. If only that prissy princess knew what was coming to her.
"Well…" Lana shrugged "….if you must know, I just have a hunch something really cool is gonna happen today."
"Sure you are." Lola replied absentmindedly, not even looking at her.
Lana frowned, disappointed that she didn't get any rise out of her but let it slide. Lola would get hers by the end of the day. Lana's hat would be avenged!
They suddenly heard the doorbell ringing.
"I got it." Luan, who was also in a chipper mood today, happened to be in the living room and opened the door. Suffice to say, doing this killed her buzz instantly.
At the front porch stood Kathleen, holding a gift box with a big bow in her hands.
"Ah, Luan." She smiled. "How nice to see you again."
"Kathleen!" Lola beamed.
"No!" an enraged Luan slammed the door shut.
"What are you doing!" Lola tackled her, but could barely budge her. "Let her in!"
She tried to open the door with her free hand but Luan grabbed it.
"When hell freezes over! She's not entering my house again!" Luan snapped at her and they struggled.
"I said, let her in! It's my house too!" Lola demanded and sunk her teeth into Luan's arm.
The comedian hissed and tensed up as she felt the searing pain but refused to let Lola go.
"Girls! Enough with the fighting!" they heard their mother yelling. It wasn't the usual scolding they would get, her voice was laced with real, unhinged anger.
They broke off as Rita came downstairs. She looked better than she did last night, but her hair was still messy and she still sported visible eyebags.
"What's this about?" she asked impatiently.
"Lola bit me!" Luan cried and showed the bite marks on her arm.
"I did not!" the princess cried back. "She…she was pulling a stupid magic trick and her rabbit did it!"
Luan clenched her fists. "You lying, little….leave Gary out of this!"
"I don't care who did it!" Rita cut them off. "You better break it off now or you're both grounded!"
Both girls gasped upon hearing the dreaded g-word.
"Now, who was at the door?" Rita demanded to know. "Don't think I didn't hear you slamming it. If it's another angry neighbor or policeman, you're in so much trouble-"
"No, no. It was nobody important!" Luan insisted frantically. "I swear!"
"Yes, it was! It was-"
"Shut it!" Luan snapped at her, but too late, as another knock on the door was heard.
Rita barged past her daughters and opened the door, filled with dread, only to find Kathleen still standing there.
Rita blinked. "Can I help you?"
"Ah, you must be Mrs. Loud." Kathleen shook her hand. "Kathleen Tisdale, a pleasure to meet you."
"Kathleen?" Rita remembered her.
"The one and only." She nodded and offered her the gift. "So glad you were the one to open the-"
"Kathleen!" Once more, Lola glomped her around the waist. "You gotta save me! Mom and dad punished me!"
Kathleen gave her a sympathetic look. "Oh, dear. You're grounded?"
"No!" Lola sobbed and looked at her with big puppy dog eyes. "But they took away all my plushies and my dinnerware and my dresses and all my cosmetics! I can't even go watch stupid cat videos! I can't live in such squalor!"
Kathleen glanced at Rita before gently patting Lola's head. "I'm sorry, Lola. I know it's hard having all your belongings confiscated for a week, but your mother is right that some disciplinary measures are in order."
"But, but…"
Kathleen gave her a quick wink. "Now, Lola. What did I tell you about what good girls do? Good girls don't disobey their parents. Their parents know what's best for them."
Rita studied her. Based on what little she heard about Kathleen Tisdale, she had expected to see some kind of monster, like Lori and Lola merged into one, amped up tenfold. But the Kathleen she saw came across as very well-mannered and respectful. A far cry from her own daughters.
"Which reminds me?" Kathleen offered her the gift box. "I know I already gave you a new van, but I thought I'd give this small token of my appreciation to you personally, Mrs. Loud, given everything the girls told me about you being a wonderful mother that any child would be blessed to have."
"But apparently you never heard the phrase "A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips"." Kathleen snorted mentally. "Or about professional hairdressers."
"I…don't know what to say…" the flustered Rita replied when Kathleen slipped past her and saw Luan trying to sneak away.
"Ah, Luan, I hope I didn't barge in at a bad time?"
Luan stopped, fumed and turned around sharply. "What do you want! You want to steal my mother too now!"
"Luan, behave yourself!" Rita warned her.
"No, it's quite alright." Kathleen assured her. "I'm sure you know about my….. troubled past with Luan."
She turned to the comedian. "Rest assured, Luan. I didn't come here to beg you for your forgiveness or anything. I merely felt obliged to pay a visit to my dear little friend, Lola." She gestured at the princess, making her giggle.
"And I thought, while I'm at it, I might as well bring a gift for your parents and formally introduce myself to them."
"Oh, really." Luan marched up to her. "Then while we're at it, mind telling my mom about the little meeting you had with Lola, Lori, Leni, Luna and La…the four of them, yesterday!"
"What are you talking about?" Rita asked.
"She's plotting something with them, mom!" she jabbed her thumb at Kathleen. "She brought them all to her mansion to plot some conspiracy! She wanted to force me to come to, but I declined!"
"Is this true, Kathleen?" Rita arched an eyebrow.
"It is true that we had a little get-together the previous day." Kathleen candidly admitted. "I'm well aware that the girls had their privileges revoked for this week, but as far as I'm aware, they weren't grounded or anything, meaning they were allowed to meet with friends. Unless I'm mistaken of course, in which case I'm deeply sorry."
"I…no, they weren't grounded…" Rita admitted before giving her two daughters annoyed looks. "But they are pushing their luck." She hissed in warning.
"What does that matter!" Luan snapped at their visitor. "They were still plotting something really bad because they were angry about the punishment you gave us! And she's the kingpin of this whole operation!" she pointed at Kathleen again.
"Luan, will you calm down! You're giving me a headache." Rita told her harshly and massaged her temples, still suffering from her hangover.
"But mom!" Luan continued shouting, much to her mother's dismay. "It's Kathleen Tisdale! My nemesis!"
"I don't care who you're talking about, I expect you not to act like a toddler, you are 13 for God's sake!"
While they were arguing, Kathleen glanced at Lola and offered her a knowing smile and nod, prompting the latter to spring into action.
"Yes, we were at Kathleen's mansion." Lola cut in. "But she just showed us her spa and her swimming pool because she felt sorry for us. Nothing more, nothing less."
Luan looked stupefied, while Kathleen just nodded. "Exactly. Once more, I am deeply sorry if I somehow allowed the girls to circumvent their punishments but as far as I understand it, this wasn't the case."
"Bullshit!" Luan lost it. "You were plotting with them!"
"Luan!" Rita gasped. "Language!"
"No! I'm telling the truth!" she snapped at her mother. "I know it because…because I was part of it! Lori talked me into joining them but I bailed after learning that Kathleen was involved! I'm sorry, mom…" her voice started cracking with sadness "…I know it was stupid but we had this sibling meeting and Lori was really persuasive-"
"Luan, what exactly are you talking about?" Kathleen asked with utter befuddlement.
"Yeah, we haven't had a sibling meeting in eons?" Lola shrugged, doing her best to look clueless.
"Don't lie to us, Lola!" a livid Luan ranted. "You were there, you know what happened!"
"What exactly?" Lola scoffed. "Is this a punchline to another bad joke of yours!"
"No, I'm telling the truth!" Luan insisted.
"Luan, will you calm down!" Rita told her sternly. "Can you please explain to me what the hell you're talking about?"
"Yeah, because I'm really not following this?" Kathleen said gingerly.
"Why you…" Luan boiled "….you're trying to gaslight me now, huh! I knew you didn't change! A piece of shit like you can't change!"
"Luan! What did I tell you about swearing!" Rita yelled at her, her patience with Luan being at an end.
"An opportunity?" Kathleen realized and put her acting skills to good use. She couldn't squander this.
"Luan, that's hurtful…" Kathleen sniffed. "I know you're angry at me, and I don't fault you for it, but that's no excuse to lie and try to slander me, let alone your own sisters. That's seriously uncalled for."
That was it. Something in Luan snapped that very moment. She couldn't control herself any longer.
"YOU LYING BITCH!"
Rita and Lola both gasped as Luan's fist connected with Kathleen's face, knocking her to the floor. Luan loomed over her fallen nemesis, breathing heavily.
"Get out of my house, now!" she screamed and raised her fist. "Stay away from my family!"
"Luan, get a hold of yourself!" an incredulous Rita grabbed her arm and held on to it. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"
"Kathleen!" Lola tried to help her up. "Are you okay?!"
Kathleen looked at Luan, carrying a look of pure pain and sadness. Tears started pouring down her face, as she sniffed and rubbed her cheek.
"I…I…m sorry…" she wept. "I'll go right now if…"
"No, Kathy, you're hurt." Lola pleaded.
"Kathleen?" a horrified Rita tried to mitigate the situation. "I'm sorry! so, SO sorry….just wait a…..Lola, please bring Kathleen an icepack."
She then glowered viciously at Luan. "Luan Loud! You are in so much trouble!"
Luan looked at her in shock. "I'm in….but she's the one who-"
"Not another word out of you!" Rita warned her. "You are going to your room right now! You are GROUNDED until further notice!"
"What?!"
Her mother looked at Kathleen again. "I'm d-deeply sorry for this, Kathleen. Please, just stay here and let us help you. I'll come back as soon as I deal with Luan."
"Well…" Kathleen said meekly "….if you insist."
"But, mom! You can't trust her!" Luan wept. "She's evil, she's psychotic-"
"The only psycho I'm seeing here is you!" an enraged Lola marched up to her.
"No buts, Luan!" Rita concurred. "You're grounded for this, period!"
While both her mother and sister were yelling at her, Luan caught a glimpse of Kathleen, who was rubbing her cheek but also flashed her a wicked smile.
A familiar smile that said, "I got you now Tin Teeth". It was brief, but the image was immediately burned into Luan's mind, with every minute detail intact.
"LOOK! LOOK!" she pointed at Kathleen but the moment Rita and Lola turned to her, Kathleen's expression made a one-eighty and she was weeping again with fresh crocodile tears.
"What?!" Lola asked her.
"Did you see it!? She's evil, I tell you!"
"That's enough out of you!" Rita's tone made it clear she was done listening. "You're coming with me!"
She pulled the protesting Luan by the arm and dragged her up the stairs.
"No, mom! She's tricking you! She has you all fooled!"
"Don't worry, mom! I'll take care of Kathleen!" Lola shouted while helping Kathleen rise to her feet.
"Kathy, I'm so sorry for this. I don't know what happened?" Lola begged her for forgiveness while rubbing her arm.
"It's okay, Lols. This wasn't your fault." Kathleen told her evenly. "I didn't think her anger at me was this great."
"I should have tried this ploy before. Alas, a temporary imperfection on my angelic visage is a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things." Kathleen thought, never before being more grateful that she had managed to wring in her desire to strangle someone, or for being a drama kid.
She had made Luan look like the bad guy and poor little Tin Teeth will have a hard time bouncing back from it now. Her family already couldn't stand her. This might cause a shift in her plans that would more easily yield the desired results.
"Come on, let's get you that ice pack." Lola led her into the kitchen.
Neither realized that Lana had been watching the whole thing and ducked behind the wall as the two entered the kitchen. She swiftly snuck her way out from behind their backs.
"Oh, Luan, what did you do?" she said to herself as she rushed up the stairs.
At the moment, there was only one person she could go and talk to. Lisa.
"Woe is me…" Kathleen sulked while sitting on the couch and holding an icepack to her cheek. "I try to be nice and this is what I get?"
Lola was next to her, patting her hand. "I'm so sorry, Kathy. Please don't be mad."
"Oh, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself." Kathleen sighed. "All this time, I've been trying to make amends with Luan, so much so, that I let my own guilt cloud my judgment."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I never took into consideration that the problem might not be me, at least not entirely." Kathleen explained. "My treatment of her at school might have caused a lot of damage, but there were plenty of other reasons why Luan is such an outcast, and plenty of them were her own fault to one extent or another."
"Well, yeah, she is pretty kooky, and weird, and annoying, and she's not the nicest person either. I don't blame her classmates for not liking her one bit." Lola admitted. "She really shows her true colors on April Fools."
"What does she do?" this immediately piqued Kathleen's interest and Lola leaned closer and whispered everything into her ear.
As she did so, Kathleen grew a gleeful smile, more and more enticed by what she was hearing. Such juicy intel was precisely what she needed to warp the story and make Luan out to be a monster. She already had plenty of baggage at school, but if people got the idea that she was a demented abuser who tortured her own family (including her grade school little sisters) out of sheer sadism…ohhhh….Kathleen could hardly contain her giddiness at the thought.
"If I just twist her yearly tradition into being a DAILY tradition, I won't have to be concerned about Tin Teeth ever again. I already have plenty of witnesses who'll be easily coerced?"
Once Lola was finished, Kathleen gasped while putting her hand to her mouth.
"Oh my god….that…I don't know what to say to that? I may have seriously misjudged her?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, her outburst an hour ago might have been a glimpse into her true nature. Why, sane people don't just lose their mind at the slightest provocation like that…unless they are harboring some dark urges?"
Lola wanted to agree with her, she was very tempted to do so, but she couldn't shake off a nagging feeling that she and Kathleen weren't entirely in the right.
"Well…" she looked uncertain.
"Well, what?" Kathleen arched an eyebrow.
"You're totally right that Luan's cray-cray and a total freak." Lola freely admitted before looking around to see if anyone was watching. "But…but we did just lie to mom about not plotting anything. We were plotting something."
"You're right." Kathleen shrugged. "But that hardly excuses her punching me, now does it? Nothing excuses wanton physical assault."
"At least if you don't have the money and the defense team to erase your outburst from public records." She smirked inwardly.
"Well, yeah…" Lola rubbed her arm. "I guess that is true. That was uncalled for no matter how you put it?"
"Kathleen! Oh, I'm so sorry for what Luan did to you!"
"Oh, no…" Kathleen cringed. "Not that homely, whiny, entitled-"
"Lori, how is my favorite budding pro golfer doing?" She stood up and greeted the blonde, who was accompanied by Leni and Luna. "And Leni, Luna? Looking marvelous as usual."
She noticed how shell-shocked Luna looked and that she had a blanket over her shoulders, along with the strong order of vanilla ice cream emanating from her and the black tear marks on her face. Kathleen figured she got dumped by some boy she was crushing on and just came back from a lonely pity party.
"Hardly a surprise." She chuckled inwardly.
"Hey, Kathy, did you go to the dentist?" Leni asked cluelessly, noticing the icepack. "Fun fact, our mom's one too!"
"No, this was all Luan's doing!" Lola lamented. "She punched her lights out for NO reason!"
"Luan?!" Lori was enraged.
"Well, not exactly." Kathleen admitted. "I did have to lie a little bit to cover up yesterday's operation, do you still wish to proceed with it by the way?"
"We're still friends, right?" Lori asked while fidgeting. "Luan's unsavory behavior won't jeopardize that, right? Right?!"
Kathleen rolled her eyes. "So conniving and self-serving. I'd almost admire her for it if she wasn't so fucking ANNOYING, among all her other less-than-desirable traits."
"Oh, no." she assured Lori. "I don't hold any of you accountable for Luan's anger issues. But back to my original question? Are we still proceeding with our plan? What happened when you ran back home anyway?"
"Nothing happened!" Lola lamented. "There was no Dufresne, no Bobby, nothing! This was all just some elaborate rouse by Lincoln and his cronies to lure us back home."
"Really now?" Kathleen was intrigued.
"Yes, I don't know how they impersonated Bobby's voice, but I'm certain they're behind it!" Lori clenched her fists. "It seems the only reason they did that was so Lynn could challenge me to a sibling duel!"
"A sibling duel?" Kathleen was further intrigued. "I assume this is a…contest of sorts between you and Lynn?"
"Yes, though we both picked a team to aid us, and if we lose…" Lori grew worried.
"We'll be the other team's slaves for a whole day." Lola shuddered.
"Ah, guess we'll have to postpone you-know-what for the time being, for you have a lot on your plate, girls." Kathleen figured. "By the way, do you need an arena for your contest?"
Lori blinked. "An arena? Well…I…we're not sure where to hold it? We thought our backyard might suffice?"
"Say no more." Kathleen held her hand up and pulled up her phone. "Just let me make a few calls, and you guys will be covered."
Lori went agape. "Kath…Kathleen, you're wonderful!"
"No biggie." Kathleen brushed it off. "Now, how about you girls get ready for the big tournament, while I make the arrangements."
She walked past them. "Oh, Lola? Mind joining me?"
"Sure." Lola followed her as she walked into the backyard.
Lori, Leni and Luna were left to talk among themselves, unaware that a little spy eye was still watching them and it crawled along the wall, back to the upper floor.
The event was being watched by Lisa on her laptop, and Lana was now with her, standing behind her and watching the monitor.
"That's just great." Lisa said sardonically before speaking into her commlink. "Fenton, go warn Lincoln and the others this instance. There's no time to waste!"
"As you wish." They heard the robot's voice over the commlink and Lana caught a glimpse of him blasting off past the window.
Lisa lowered her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Well, Luan certainly didn't encourage mother to put faith in our capacity to control our worst urges."
"But she was right?" Lana spoke up. "Kathleen and Lola are dirty liars! And I can't believe those jerks are going to cheat!"
"That much is true." Lisa concurred, but unlike her sister, she wasn't the least bit surprised. Well, she had at least expected Lynn to beat Lori in the first challenge before the latter resorted to cheating. So much for giving her eldest sister the benefit of the doubt.
"But the fact remains, out of context, which neatly describes mother and father's point of view, Luan will be perceived as the aggressor."
"Maybe I should go and tell mom and dad the truth now?"
"No, let's not needlessly complicate matters prematurely." Lisa advised her and turned around. "Your testimony will surely vindicate Luan and incriminate Kathleen by the end of the day, but for the moment, we need to put all our focus on the sibling duel."
"Plus…" she looked aside. "It's preferable for all of us not to have Luan, Lynn and Ryan together…"
Outside…..
Once she was sure nobody was listening to them, Kathleen spoke, "Now, before I make my calls, could I ask about a little thing?"
"Sure, Kathy. Anything you want." Lola nodded. "What is it?"
"Well, I just read about the strangest thing in yesterday's paper." Kathleen started. "It was about some boy who went on a rampage in our town, says such stuff as him having taken some kind of drugs that gave him great strength and he demolished an old warehouse. Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it?"
But as she expected, Lola's stupefied expression betrayed anything but disbelief.
"Now, after reading that, I couldn't help but think back to something you told me two days ago? It seemed trivial to me back then, but not anymore. Maybe I just misheard you or something, and it's probably nothing, since you didn't say anything about it while we were having our slumber party-"
"No." Lola said meekly. "Actually….I didn't really talk about it because I knew no one would back me up. Lincoln, Lynn, Lucy, Lisa, that Ryan creep and his stupid sister, all of them seemed okay with sweeping all of that under the rug." She explained, anger creeping into her voice.
"Oh, you thought nobody would listen to you, so you might as well keep quiet?" Kathleen raised an intrigued eyebrow. Lola just nodded.
"Well, I'm here and I'm all ears." Kathleen told her reassuringly, much to Lola's surprise. "You know I have nothing but faith in your word."
"Well…it was kinda crazy…" she started tentatively.
"But I wager it is had something to do with your science-loving little sister? Lisa, was it?" Kathleen pushed onward with keen interest.
Lola blinked. "Yeah? How did you guess that?"
"Oh, just a hunch." Kathleen shrugged. "So, you're familiar with this Lyle Owen guy too?"
"Am I?" Lola raised her voice. "That maniac kidnapped us and tried to kill us!"
"Really? Do enlighten me…."
"That's all we need." Lynn stuffed some wardrobe of hers into her duffel bag, inside of Ryan's living room.
"That's all?" Lucy noted.
"My athletic prowess is all I need to win." Lynn insisted in a cocky manner as she pulled the strap over her right shoulder.
"And all you need to do is to think up the right cheers." She added smugly.
"Lynn…" Lincoln warned her in a scolding tone.
"What? Moral support from your fans is just as important as having mad skills in the game." Lynn insisted.
"Fine, let's just get back home." Lincoln told her. "If our sisters still haven't come up with a place to hold the duel, we'll just march back home and hold it in the backyard. We're not sitting on it any longer."
"For once, I agree with you." Ryan shrugged. "I'm tired of waiting to bust out my whip and make the bimbo squad build statues in my-eh, I mean our honor."
"Aw, Ryan…you're so considerate." Lynn smiled sweetly, much to Lincoln's confusion.
"What the hell, Lynn?" he blurted. "That's not charming! That's… messed up! That's like slaver-"
"Hey, at least he's showing me moral support." Lynn shot back and jabbed her thumb into Lincoln's chest. "Unlike some siblings of mine."
"Hey, I actually like the sound of the idea." Lucy admitted. "Even if it does sound impractical. Our sisters lack the intelligence or the architectural skills to build a dollhouse, let alone a statue."
"Hey, I'm not expecting them to be successful." Ryan shrugged. "I just want to make them suffer."
"You cannot be serious?" Lincoln asked him.
"Oh, I'm serious, Lincoln." Ryan huffed. "Moon Girl's misery is optional, but with those other three, it's personal. They messed with the tiger and now they get the-"
"CLAWS! AHHH!" A high-pitched scream, accompanied by feline screeching, cut their conversation short. Lincoln recognized that scream and rushed outside as quickly as possible.
The others followed him to the front porch and saw Clyde flailing around in the backyard, with Marceline attacking his face, clawing it and moving around with lightning speed.
"Clyde!" Lincoln gasped.
"What?! How did that creep find us?!" Lynn blurted in disbelief.
"Ryan! Call off your cat!" Lincoln urged him.
"Wut? Oh….Marceline, no. Stop it. Bad cat." Ryan "scolded" his pet in a bored tone, without moving an inch.
Groaning exasperatedly, Lincoln rushed in and grabbed Marceline, trying to pry her off Clyde's face. The cat clung on with fierce determination but he eventually managed to pull her off, causing Clyde to fall on his back, his hair a mess and his face covered in bloody scratches.
Marceline growled, squirmed and started kicking Lincoln's chest with her hindlegs, while her green eyes were fixated on Clyde, watching him with murderous intent.
Lincoln quickly handed the enraged feline over to her owner before helping Clyde up and giving him his fallen glasses back.
"Clyde, are you okay?"
"Well, he just got mauled by a cat?" Lucy stated the obvious. "So my guess would be no."
"Lincoln! Is that you!" Clyde wept as he adjusted his glasses.
Once he finally got a good look at his face, Clyde was overcome with joy and grabbed Lincoln in a suffocating hug.
"It is you! I'm so happy to have finally found you!" Clyde cried while hyperventilating. "It's been so long! I missed you so much!"
"Clyde, you saw me just three days ago?" a confused Lincoln pointed out. Clyde acted as if they had been separated for years without any sort of contact.
Clyde then grabbed him by the arms and started shaking him manically. "Why did you leave me! Do you have any idea what I went through looking for you!? I almost freaking died!?"
"Okay, okay, back off from my brother, man!" a wary Lynn jumped in and pushed Clyde away. "Whatever is making you act up, I don't want him catching it."
"Lincoln, no!" Clyde cried while Lynn kept him at arm's length with no hand.
"Taking it easy, spaz." An annoyed Ryan walked up to him, with his enraged pet in his arms. "How the hell did you find my house? Did you put a tracking device on Lincoln or something?"
Marceline craned her neck and barred her fangs at Clyde, accompanied by a vicious hiss, making the latter squeak in fright and stumble back.
"Get that monster away from me!?" he screamed while Lynn took the opportunity to pull on Lincoln's collar and check if there was indeed some kind of tracking device on him.
"Stop that!" Lincoln pushed her back. "I'd know if I had a chip on me."
"Take it easy, girl." Ryan tried to calm his cat down, who was still fighting his grip. "He's not dangerous….at least I think so?"
"Clyde, what are you doing here? Do your dads know you're here?" Lincoln asked his friend, who was hiding behind the nearest tree.
"No! They didn't believe me when I told them I was attacked by that cat, and your dog and…and…" Clyde stammered, growing short on breath.
He paused and pulled out a paper bag and breathed into it several times before finally finding his voice again.
"….and a grinning psycho fox WITH LASER BEAMS!"
"Well, duh. Charles was only doing what dogs do." Lynn scoffed in annoyance. "Ever heard of a little thing called trespassing? That's why we have guard dogs."
"And Marcy just got in on the fun." Ryan added while petting his cat, who made another attempt to break free, digging her claws into Ryan's exposed arms.
"Alright, kitty, you're going in." Ryan lost his patience and took her back into the house.
"I'm NOT crazy! I was attacked by a fox who shot lasers from his eyes! I saw it with my own two eyes!?" Clyde ranted frantically, now walking up to the other again.
"Clyde-"
"No! That wasn't just a fear-induced hallucination my mind conjured up!" Clyde continued ranting before looking aside and shaking his fist. "You hear that, Dr. Lopez! I didn't hallucinate it! And I don't have panphobia! I'm not obsessed with-"
"Clyde!" Lincoln snapped and grabbed his hand, before sighing and lowering his tone. "We believe you."
"Wut?" Clyde blinked.
"Yeah, we believe you." Lynn rolled her eyes. "Because the fox you talked about recorded the whole thing and showed it to us. He's not a fox, by the way, he's just one of Lisa's crazy robo-inventions."
"A robot?" Clyde blurted before shifting his gaze at Lucy. "Why would you create such an ungodly abomination?!"
Lucy blinked under her bags in confusion, before pointing at herself. "You think I'm Lisa?"
"That's Lucy, you moron." Lynn groaned in annoyance. "The goth one."
"What? But I thought Lola was the goth one?"
"No, she's the pageant queen." Lincoln corrected him.
Clyde scratched his head. "But I thought Luna was the pageant queen?"
Lynn facepalmed.
"Meh, I don't blame ya." Ryan returned and shrugged his shoulders. "I can't keep track of their names either."
"Look, McBride!" Lynn spoke up. "Lincoln doesn't have time to be your living comfort blanket again, we need him for something important and he cannot bail on it, so buzz off!"
"She's right, buddy." Lincoln tried to explain. "Our family is doing something important, and I need to be present."
Clyde gasped and his eyes widened.
"Look, it's nothing personal." Lincoln held up his hands defensively. "I promise, I'll hang out with you as soon as…."
He stopped as Clyde leaned forwards, babbling incoherently and stumbling around like a drunk person.
"Lynn, ya gnow ya look like uh boy with thu had?" Clyde slurred while pointing at Lynn's beanie, making her fume.
He turned to a baffled Ryan and weakly grabbed his shirt with one hand. "Stay away fr'm Linculn, best frund stealer…"
"I think he finally had a stroke?" Lucy guessed, not sounding the least bit surprised.
Clyde let go of Ryan and fell on his back, snoring loudly.
"What the?" Lincoln blurted as the four surrounded Clyde's unconscious form and found a dart sticking out from his neck.
"Threat neutralized." A familiar robotic voice was heard, as Fenton landed in front of them.
"Fenton?! What the hell did you dart him with?!" Lincoln panicked.
"Whatever it was, thank you so much." Ryan added with immense gratitude.
"Do not fret. I merely sedated the. Hostile intruder." Fenton assured them. "You requested that. I keep my existence. Confidential. Subject Lincoln Loud."
Lincoln's face dropped, while the others snickered at irony nipping him in the keister.
"Also." Fenton waddled up to Clyde's unconscious form. "I would advise. To position him on. His flank. To minimize the risk. Of him swallowing. His tongue."
Startled, Lincoln wasted no time pushing Clyde onto his side, before pulling out his cellphone.
"Hello, Mr. and Mr. McBride?" he dialed Clyde's dads. "Yes, I do know where he is. You can come and pick him up…"
Lynn approached Fenton. "Lemme guess?" she said grimly. "Bad news from Lisa?"
"Affirmative." Fenton replied and rotated his head towards Ryan. "His assertion that. The enemy would. Rig the challenge. Was accurate."
"So they will cheat?" Lucy asked in a flat tone. "There's a twist."
"Sweet!" Ryan pumped his fists. "I'll get to have my fun after all!"
Lynn snapped her head back and groaned. "That conniving bitch…." She grumbled before giving up and massaging her forehead. So much for her winning fairly and squarely with her skills.
"Don't take it too hard, Lynn." Ryan placed a hand on her shoulder. "That will just make it all the more satisfying once we crush them and they become our indebted slaves."
"This also entails. Me being your. Loyal servant. Until the contest. Is completed." Fenton bowed stiffly. "Temporary Master Ryan."
"Uhhh….I like the sound of that." Ryan grinned deviously. "But…eh… take the "temporary" part out, kay?"
"And why do I have the feeling that this isn't the only bad news you have?" Lincoln joined in.
"Affirmative." Fenton agreed. "The intruder known as. Kathleen Tisdale. Has resurfaced."
"Not her again…" Lynn trembled with annoyance. "Is she at our home? What did she do now?"
"Allow me to give. A visual demonstration." Fenton projected another film onto the wall of Ryan's house.
This one was longer, had multiple scenes, but the grand finale caught Lincoln, Lynn, Ryan and Lucy by surprise.
"No! Not now!" Lincoln clutched his hair in despair. Lynn and Lucy were simply speechless. But Ryan was in stitches.
"Oh, man! That's too awesome!" he clutched his sides. "Hey, Fenton? Could you play that part on a loop?"
"Certainly." Fenton obliged and started playing the footage of Luan punching Kathleen again and again.
"Great! Can you add some cartoon sound effects as well!"
"You idiot! You do realize Luan's in huge trouble now!" Lincoln snapped at him, making him sobber up.
"Oh…" Ryan's face fell. Fenton, however, played the footage once more, this time accompanied by a cartoonish punch sound effect, followed by digitally-inserted stars that rotated around Kathleen's head as she hit the floor, accompanied by more sound effects.
Lucy couldn't help but snigger at that but Lincoln sent the robot an unamused look.
"Apologies. I found this endeavor. Creatively stimulating." Fenton replied before turning off his film.
"Well, that's just peachy!" Lynn said with bitter sarcasm. "Now mom's also under the impression that Ms. Perfect is an innocent little angel. Why did that idiot lose her cool!"
"Like you're one to talk, Lynn." Lucy shot back defensively.
Lynn growled at her as Ryan got between them. "Don't worry, this is just a minor setback, ladies. After Lana ousts Kathleen and Blondy's conspiracy, Luan will be vindicated."
"Master Lisa theorizes. The same outcome." Fenton added.
Their words actually eased Lincoln's worries a bit, but he still had second thoughts.
He sighed. "I hope so, but I don't think mom will renounce Luan's grounding that easily. She still cursed in front of her and punched someone."
"Oh, big whoop." Lynn rolled her eyes. "Not like Luan's participating in the challenge or anything, and she swore off her stupid April Fool's tradition already."
"She still doesn't deserve to be punished unfairly." Lucy argued. "You saw that footage, Kathleen intentionally goaded her into doing this."
"Alert. Alert." Fenton spoke up. "Enemy approaching."
The kids looked at the street and saw a familiar limo approaching.
"Speak of the devil…" Lynn grumbled.
"Initiate transformation sequences." Fenton jumped, transformed into a cellphone midair and landed into Ryan's hands.
"Wow, what can't he do?" Ryan said in amazement.
"Okay, now this is just ridiculous!" Lincoln blurted in disbelief when the limo parked in front of them, making Ryan shove Fenton into his pocket.
The dark window went down to reveal the rest of the Loud siblings, minus Luan and Lana, along with Kathleen, Jenny and Amber, the latter three wearing their red and white cheerleading uniforms. Jenny also had a nose cast.
"Ah, I see you're packed and ready." Kathleen greeted them as she opened the door. "Come on, hop in. Your duel is about to start."
Lynn narrowed her eyes. "So you're tagging along?"
"You don't look surprised?" Lori raised an eyebrow, with an air of smug confidence.
"Our teammate informed us already." Lincoln lied. "Eh, right? Lisa?"
"Oh, yeah, right!" Lisa's small form peaked from the crowd. "I sent them a message."
"Why of course, did she also tell you that I booked you guys a great place to hold your sibling duel, away from any nosy onlookers?" Kathleen added in a friendly tone.
Lynn, Lincoln, Ryan and Lucy looked at each other.
"Eh…no." Lincoln answered.
"Where is it?" a suspicious Lynn asked.
"You don't know? Oh, then I won't spoil it for you." Kathleen clapped her hands cheerfully. "It will be a surprise."
"Whatever, let's just do it." Lynn grunted and was the first to enter. "Come on, guys."
"Wait, why is he coming?" Lola pointed at Ryan but shrunk back as he gave her a death glare.
"To spectate, Pinky." He sneered in a disdainful tone.
"Oh, as if!" Lori raised her voice. "This ain't your business, Freakazoid! Kathleen said no nosy onloo-"
"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss, Lori." Kathleen dismissed her jovially. "After all, if you guys have me, Jenny and Amber, Lynn's team also deserves their own cheerleader."
"Cool, but I'll pass up the uniform and pom-poms if you don't mind." Ryan said sardonically as he seated himself next to Lincoln, who shuddered at the mental image.
"Oh, don't worry, Ryan. Despite common assumptions, male cheerleaders are a thing too." Amber told him chipperly. "We can borrow you a jersey."
"Amber, just let it go." Jenny rolled her eyes. "He's clearly not interested."
"What happened to you?" Lynn asked, noticing her nose cast.
Jenny looked uneasy and glanced aside. "Eh….cheerleading accident. I'm such a klutz…"
"You have cheerleading practice in summer?" Lincoln questioned.
"Why of course." Kathleen chuckled as she closed the door. "Can't get rusty. You need to be in tip-top shape once the next semester rolls around."
"Oh, and would you mind if we used your dog as a mascot?" Amber suddenly asked and held Charles up.
"He's so cute!" Amber squealed, while Lynn's face dropped upon seeing the bull terrier scratching himself, thanks to the itchy jersey he was wearing, which said "Team Lori".
"What did you do him, you monsters!" Lynn snapped.
"Oh, will you cool off?" Lola waved her hand dismissively. "He's a family pet, not your personal property. We can use him as our mascot if we want to."
"Yeah…" Lori leaned back smugly. "Not our fault your boyfriend couldn't be bothered to bring along his mangy cat as your mascot."
Ryan scoffed snidely. "I'm against wanton animal exploitation, thank you very much."
"Okay, guys…" Kathleen chuckled. "Reserve the trash-talking for the challenges."
The limo drove off, but it was being watched by a sharp-eyed bird.
Raza flew in and perched himself on the roof and observed the vehicle driving away. He couldn't believe his luck! It was them. There was no mistaking the pale one's identity. No other creature could look this repugnant, even by human standards.
He let out a raspy chuckle. His boss would be so pleased! Why was he so worried? This task was too easy. Now he just needed to follow that vehicle.
But as he spread his wings, he picked up the sound of claws scraping against the roof. He slowly turned his head to his left and saw Marceline in a crouched position. Her pupils were dilated and her tail was flickering with excitement.
The vulture squawked in fright and ran away, flapping his wings frantically as the cat bolted after him.
Raza took to the skies but just as he thought he was safe, Marceline made an incredible jump and dug her claws into his back, making the vulture's eyes bulge as he screeched in pain.
Marceline pulled herself up but then realized that she had an aerial view of her house, which was growing smaller by the second. Oh, crap. Bad call.
The cat had no option now but to cling onto the panicked vulture's back as he took her for a wild flight, leaving behind a trail of wafting feathers.
"Here we are, my friends." Kathleen proclaimed and was the first one to step out of the limo. "Let the games begin!"
Her friends, the Louds and Ryan stepped out one by one. Lynn squinted as she observed her surroundings.
It was a large patch of land with interconnected paths and surrounding patches of woodland but it was not the local park, for this place was filled with various obstacle courses, race tracks, small arenas, sport yards and rings, among other things, like some elaborate outdoors game show arena. And in front of them was a stage with a single speech stand and flanked by two banner poles, minus a banner.
It looked familiar to her but she couldn't quite pinpoint it. Then it dawned on her. She wasn't supposed to set foot in this place.
"Wait, this is where the annual Astonishing Quest-"
"…is being held? Why yes. Yes, it is." Kathleen finished for her. "Quite observant, aren't we?"
Lori chortled. "She sure is. You'd be hard-placed to forget a place that you got yourself banned from."
"Yeah, just last year." Lola added mockingly, as she and Lori started laughing, while Lynn growled and glowered at them.
Lincoln clutched his forehead and sighed despondently. This topic was rather embarrassing for their family and needless to say, a huge sore spot for his sporty sister.
"Really?" Kathleen looked genuinely surprised. "Why is that?"
"I don't want to talk about it…" Lynn grumbled miserably.
"Oh, it was quite the spectacle. Too bad nobody was filming it." Lori snickered condescendingly. "She sure left a mark on the mayor that time-"
"Shut your trap or I'll clobber it!" Lynn snapped and had to be held back by Lincoln and Ryan.
"I still find it remarkable that the mayor didn't press any legal charges against us." Lisa whispered to Lucy, who just nodded.
"I'll never learn about that one either, will I?" Ryan asked rhetorically, rolling his eyes. It vexed him why his girlfriend was so secretive about her most embarrassing accidents….oh, wait?
"Now, Lori, no need to open up old wounds." Kathleen raised her hands. "It's not relevant to today's event. We didn't come here to belittle people or spread ugly gossip."
"Oh, alright." Lola shrugged before giving Lynn an evil look. "How about we instead talk about why Lynn started wearing that ugly hat?"
"Yeah, what's up with the stupid beanie?" Lori sneered, making Lynn nervous.
"Yeah, that's not really your style?" Leni scratched her chin.
"Meh…" Luna just stood there despondently.
"Did you go bald or something?" Lori snarked, making Lynn's eyes widen and she started sweating.
Lincoln cleared his throat. "Excuse me, I thought we came here for a sibling duel or something?"
But before they could inquire any further, Kathleen walked up to Lynn and put a hand over her back.
"Don't worry, Lynn. We all make mistakes. Tell you what? Me and Theresa…eh I mean Mayor Davis are pretty close, I'm sure I can convince her to lift the ban if you want to?"
Lynn shoved her hand away. "Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need your assistance; I can handle my problems on my own. And I came here to crush some pompous blonde blowhards, not to look for pity points."
Lori glared at her.
"Suit yourself." Kathleen shrugged. "But your independence is admirable. And you're quite right, I booked you this place so you could play some games while also settling some family disputes."
"Uh! Uh! Kathy!" Leni lifted her hand like a grade-schooler asking their teacher.
"Yes, Leni?"
"I just wanted to ask you all…" Leni looked at everyone "…does this place look a little different than it did last year? Or is it just me? It looks like there's a lot more… stuff here and-"
"Yes, it does. I may have offered some spare change to refurnish this place for next spring's Astonishing Quest, which will be in a few months. So I thought I'd pump some new blood into this place and give the good people of Royal Woods a new, more exhilarating experience." Kathleen explained.
"Yeah, one Lynn's not going to experience…" Lola whispered to Lori and the two snickered, while Lynn glared at them dangerously.
"You're shitting me? Do you plan to renovate this whole town?" Ryan snorted. "Are you gonna pave the streets with gold as well? Maybe get us our own Statue of Liberty?" he added mockingly.
"Oh, no." Amber sighed sadly. "Kathleen thought about those things, but they were too expensive, even for her."
"Lynn, don't let them get to you." Lincoln told his sister reassuringly.
"I won't!" Lynn told him with grim determination. "I know how to deal with freaking hecklers."
"But what about hecklers who know every single sore spot of yours?" Lucy asked.
"Yes, Lori and Lola are, if nothing else, well-versed about their family member's respective insecurities and weaknesses and know how to put their knowledge to effective use?" Lisa added.
"Pffttt….that just fuels my drive to crush them without mercy." Lynn insisted while holding up her right fist.
"Oh, you'll crush them alright. I'll make sure of that." Ryan whispered to her and gave her a wink, while also contemplating how to excuse himself from this event.
While the kids were talking, Charles wandered away from the group and continued scratching himself with his back legs before using them to try and push the jersey off himself, but to no avail.
He kept trying when suddenly, he heard a shrill cry from the sky and glanced up. He tilted his head in disbelief as he saw Marceline riding on top of a large black bird some 50 feet above him. The vulture went down and swooped over him with Marceline still clinging on to him. Charles chased after them.
The biting wind was pulling back Marceline's lips and exposing her teeth until she collided with a branch, which knocked the wind out of her and she fell into a bush below.
Sensing the extra weight being off his back, Raza looked back and chuckled at the cat's misfortune as he continued flying, only to then fly into some cable wires, which, like a giant slingshot, flung him back and he smacked into the brick wall of a building.
Groaning in pain, he fell down and hit the pavement, lying upside down. Suddenly, he heard sweeping noises and saw a huge street sweeper heading towards him. Raza screeched and tried to fly away but too late, as he got caught up in one of the spinning brushes.
Meanwhile, Marceline dragged herself out of the bushes, covered in sticks and leaves. She shook herself clean and collapsed to the ground again, when Charles arrived next to her and wagged his tail happily, before proceeding to lick her face, much to the cat's dismay.
But Charles stopped licking her once his sensitive nose picked up an alarming scent. He smelled several different scents at once, making him push his wet nose against Marceline's head, much to her annoyance, as she let out a low growl.
The strongest odor was Marceline's. The second strongest was avian in nature, obviously the vulture. But it was the faintest one that unnerved the dog. Then it finally hit him!
Holding a microphone, Kathleen backflipped onto the stage and tested her mike, as everyone gathered in front of the stage.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the latest and grandest Loud family duel you'll ever see, pitting sister against sister in an epic showdown. It's all or nothing-"
"Will you cut that out?" Lynn exclaimed in annoyance. "There are no spectators here besides Ryan, you and your posse?"
"I just thought it would be appropriate for the occasion?" Kathleen joked while still talking into her mike. "We do need a host and referee, don't we? I'll gladly take on both roles."
Lynn groaned and rolled her eyes, as Kathleen crouched down and lowered her mike.
"Now, before we start, would the captains of our two teams care to share some thoughts?"
"No." Lynn said flatly, but Lori had a different idea.
"You betcha!" she grabbed Kathleen's hand and yelled into the mike.
"Saying that I was trying to get payback on the little brat next to me would be severely underselling it. As the eldest of the Loud siblings, I considered it my moral duty to teach my brazen but disrespectful baby sister some manners, and the best way to accomplish that was by beating her at her own game, pun intended."
"Oh, yeah!" Lynn snapped, unwilling to take this trash-talking lying down. No player worth a damn would such stuff slide.
She pulled the mike towards her. "The only disrespectful brat I'm seeing here is you, Lori. That's why I issued this challenge in the first place! Not just for me, but for our whole family! We've all suffered under your tyranny for as long as we can remember and it's high time that someone taught you some respect!"
Lori pulled the mike towards her. "Uhhhh….big words for such as a runty dweeb such as yourself. I hope you're on your A-game today, Lynn. Because you're going DOWN!"
"Huh! Like I'm scared of you! In case you've forgotten, I am an accomplished athlete with a tone of trophies under my belt, while you're nothing more than a glorified slacker who lies around all day and chats with her precious Bobby-kins while also making mom and dad's phone bill go through the roof!"
Lori seethed but then smiled deviously, as she pulled the mike towards her again. "Winning isn't all about speed and strength, baby sister. There are plenty of other things to consider, like cleverness, cunning, leadership skills, resourcefulness, charisma, not to mention beauty."
Lynn smirked. "And what are your skills again, lazybones?"
This caused the others to snicker, except for Ryan, who laughed with unbridled mirth, making Lori steam with anger.
"That's it! You're dead, you grimy little pipsqueak! Read my lips! D.E.A.D!"
"Bring it on, instagram queen!"
"Wannabe-boy!"
"Loudmouthed cow!"
"Pint-sized bitch!"
"Attention whore!"
"This is getting good, girls." Kathleen whispered to her cronies. "Too bad nobody brought a camera."
She winked to Jenny, who gulped and nodded.
Lynn and Lori growled like rabid dogs while glaring daggers at each other.
"Oh, you and your toadies better enjoy what freedom you still have!" Lori warned the opposing team. "Because after I'm finished you, you'll wish you were never born!"
"Uhhh…I'm so scared!" Lynn retorted mockingly. "Look at my team."
"He's the Man with a Plan! A master of resourcefulness!" she pointed at Lincoln.
"She's a poindexter who knows everything there is to know!" she pointed at Lisa next.
And finally, she pointed at herself. "And as everyone and their mother already knows, I'm a star athlete. Whatever you throw at us, we can handle it!"
"What about me?" Lucy spoke up but was ignored.
"And look at your team? Their leader is a useless slacker." Lynn smirked at Lori.
"And the rest? A whiny little pageant queen!" She glanced at the seething Lola.
"A hapless moron!"
Leni pouted. "Wait, you think I'm a moron?"
"And a sad sack who's too depressed to do anything!"
"Meh…" Luna replied lamely.
"I think it's pretty clear who has the advantage here, and we'll make sure to send our most qualified player for each challenge." Lynn crossed her arms.
"Oh, it won't be that easy." Lori smirked. "For my two challenges, me and my teammates get to pick which one of you losers will be our opponent."
"Ha! As if!" Lynn laughed. "Allow me to jog your memory! Both teams pick which one of them will represent them in each challenge, doesn't matter whose challenge it is. It's written down in the treaty."
"She's right, Lori." Lincoln nodded simply. "It's the rules."
"Oh, really? I think again, twerps." Lori suddenly pulled out the treaty and Lynn and Lincoln's eyes bulged as they read it.
"What? This can't be it!" Lincoln blurted.
"This isn't what we agreed on!" Lynn ranted incredulously. "This must be a fake!"
"Uhhhhh…." Lori pursed her lips in an exaggerated manner and put her hands on them. "Didn't anyone tell you that we updated the treaty during a sibling meeting we had just two months ago? All our sisters agreed on it."
"Gasp! Our first big twist!" Kathleen announced into her mike.
"No! No! No!" Lynn cut in. "You ain't fooling us! Me and Lincoln would know about it if it was real!"
"Yeah, and I don't recall such a sibling meeting from two months ago either?" Lisa added skeptically.
"Me neither." Lucy concurred.
Lori's smug smirk grew. "There's a good reason for it."
Two months ago…
"Lynn, can you come over for just a minute?" Lori called out from the front porch, keeping a safe distance as Lynn was jumping in front of a makeshift goal in her soccer uniform.
"Can't!" the sweaty jock deflected an incoming soccer ball from Margo.
"Have to practice!" She deflected another.
"For big soccer tournament!" She deflected the ball again, this time hitting Margo right in the face, making her topple over.
Lori winced and grimaced, while Lynn dropped on her knees and hollered victoriously. "YEEAAH! Lynn's the champ! Lynn's the best! Woohoo!"
"Whatever…" Lori backed away, not wanting to share Margo's fate.
Next, she was knocking on Lisa's door, which had been locked and had a big "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, with various strange noises being heard from inside the room.
Lori groaned in annoyance and continued knocking. "Will you come out, it will literally just take five minutes!"
"Can't. I'm in the middle of creating a pocket dimension." Was Lisa's response.
"Ughhhh! Whatever…" Lori threw her arms up in defeat and walked off.
Lastly, she looked for Lincoln up in the attic, only to find him sitting on a chest, his back turned on her, happily reading another Ace Savvy comic book….wearing nothing but his socks and underwear.
With a disgusted grimace, Lori backed down the ladder and slowly closed the hatch, not uttering a single word.
"And that was it." she shrugged.
"Seven out of the ten of us were there, and all agreed to it without any argument, not like your opinions would have mattered in the end. Dad then went ahead and verified it, you know he can't bring himself to deny me anything."
"Nobody called for me to come?" Lucy pointed out.
"Huh?" Lori finally looked at her. "Oh? I forgot you were there?"
Lucy seethed silently.
"And Lana or Luan never bothered telling us?" Lynn lamented inwardly. "They probably thought they knew already? Great! Just fucking great!"
"Oh, why did I ever give in to this idiotic urge to read comics in the nude!" Lincoln buried his face in shame.
"Just further proof that my IQ is nothing but a curse." Lisa glanced at the ground sullenly.
"Not much you can do now, twerps." Lori smugly flaunted the treaty in front of them. "It's legit."
"And none of you cared to tell us that beforehand?" Lincoln was outraged.
"Why, so we would be at a disadvantage?" Lynn snapped.
"No, why would you think that?" Lori said with thinly concealed sarcasm. "Let's not jump to hasty conclusions, guys."
"Well, folks." Kathleen announced. "Looks like Team Lori had an ace up their sleeve, one which threw Team Lynn a massive curveball. Can they pull themselves together and prevail? We'll soon find out."
Ryan glowered at her. "Hey! Making sardonic commentary is my job, rich girl."
"Oh, no, Kathy." Leni said helpfully. "I don't want to give away too much, but neither of our challenges involves a card game."
They suddenly heard Charles barking, as the bull terrier ran up to them.
"Ah, our cute little mascot has come to lend us support." Lola cooed while sending a mocking glare to the opposing team.
But before another verbal spat could break out, all eyes were drawn to the dog as he started barking and jumping in an alarmed manner.
"What's the matter, boy?" a confused Lincoln asked.
"I think he's trying to tell us something?" Lynn said.
Lori laughed in response. "Yeah, right? He's a dog, genius. They just yap and act on instinct."
Charles looked at them pleadingly before getting an idea.
He growled, barred his teeth, closed one eye and started moving around in a crouched, prowling position.
"Uh! Uh! I love charades!" Leni clapped her hands and started pondering. "Lemme think? Eh…you're an old woman with a lazy eye who lost her walker and is looking for her missing teeth-ow!"
Lori slapped her over the head. "For Pete's sake! He's a dog, you idiot! He's just acting up for the heck of it!"
Charles then lifted his nose into the air and started howling at the sky repeatedly.
"Maybe he just needs flea powder?" Jenny suggested.
"Wait? I know what's going on." Lynn kneeled down in front of Charles and started pulling the jersey off him.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing!" Lori lamented.
"Are you blind or something?" Lynn retorted as she threw the jersey over her shoulder. "He's been scratching himself nonstop ever since you put that thing on him! Get a clue!"
"Fair enough." Kathleen shrugged, putting her mike aside. "Not all dogs are meant to wear clothes. Chloe doesn't like it either."
"Meow!" Ryan recognized that meowing instantly.
"Marceline?" the boy blurted as he found his savannah cat standing next to him.
"You followed me again?" he picked her up. "How the heck did you track me down?"
"Oh, look. Your cat is as clingy to you as you are to Lynn." Lori snorted.
"Or she wanted to be our mascot." Lynn scoffed at her.
"Big deal. You could have brought Luan's magic hat bunny and clung on to his lucky feet all day and you would still lose!" Lori mocked them.
"Oh, if you're so confident about your odds, how about we start off with my first challenge!" Lynn barked.
A look of uncertainty washed over Lori's features and she exchanged looks with her teammates, though Leni looked as clueless as usual while Luna just sulked.
"Sure." Lori tried to act nonchalant. It didn't matter in what order the challenges happened, they would need to face Lynn's challenges one way or another.
"And what is your first challenge?" Lola asked, trying to hide her nervousness. "Shooting hoops? Scoring goals?"
"Nope." Lynn shook her head and unzipped her duffle bag, pulling out a red and blue luchador mask.
The other team gawked at her before Lori burst out laughing.
"Wrestling? Seriously, that's your challenge?" she asked incredulously.
"It's called lucha libre." Lynn corrected her, bristling with unflinching confidence. "And I was thoughtful enough to bring a mask for my unlucky opponent too….whichever one I pick."
Hearing that, Lynn's team became filled with hope. Not only was Lynn a champ at wrestling, but she had the luxury of picking her opponent. This was an easy win for them.
Lori, Lola and even Luna grew pale at the announcement, but not Leni. She got distracted by a pretty, multi-colored butterfly that flew past her.
"I don't envy any of you." Lucy grew a small smile.
"Just so you know, you have my full sympathy." Lincoln told them with utter sincerity.
"Oh, Pinky…" Ryan grinned gleefully at the terrified Lola and made a throat-slitting gesture.
Lynn savored the moment and tapped her chin. "Now, who shall I pick?"
Well, looks like our heroes have the upper hand for the moment. Though we still have to see what Team Lori's challenges will be. But as for this one, Lynn has her opponents cornered. Few people can take her on in a wrestling match; Lola's too small and weak, Luna's too depressed to do anything and Leni probably can't even grasp the concept of wrestling. Their only hope of having any chance of winning would be for Lori to somehow convince Lynn to pick her as her opponent.
And poor Luan. Nobody wants to end up in the situation where they finally lash out at their hated rival who has made their life a living hell, punch them in public and then be seen as the bad guy, and yet it always happens when you least expect it XD And Kathleen knows how to wing it and twist any situation in her favor.
