"I hope that sibling duel ends soon. Because I would prefer to have a serious discussion with the kids today." Albert said, wary not to divulge too much information.
"Me too. Though, between you and me, I'd bet my money on L.J's team. Between her, Lincoln and Lisa, I'd say Lori's assembly hasn't got much of a fighting chance."
"I can see that, I'm honestly rooting for L.J's team." Albert said frankly. Lori and her team needed to be put in their place, and be kept under control. But this would only be a temporary solution, he had to get their parents to do something more permanent.
"But either way, you and I need to start brainstorming. Figure out where to go from here on. We got lots of work to do. We need to plan this out thoroughly. Our family's future hangs in the balance." The old man added as he and Lynn Sr. entered the kitchen.
"Yes, there's not time to spear-" Lynn was cut off as Albert stopped him and they both found a despondent Rita sitting at the kitchen table. Once more, she looked like a wreck and had a half-empty glass of wine in her hand.
"Oh, no…" Albert muttered and walked up to her.
"Rita, is something the matter?" Lynn asked worriedly.
Rita looked at them. She didn't seem drunk, but she still looked pretty miserable.
"Just leave me alone…" she grumbled and rubbed her forehead.
"Sweetie, what happened?" Albert asked, not beating around the bush.
"I don't want to talk about it…" she grumbled, barely coherently, and took another swig.
"Rita, I think you had enough wine for today. "Albert said sternly and tried to grab it, but his daughter yanked the glass back, giving him an angry look.
"I'm a 42-year-old woman, dad!" she snapped like a petulant teen. "I'll stop when I feel like it!"
"Rita, honey…" Lynn approached her gingerly, stepping between her and Albert. "Is there any particular reason you felt the need to drown your sorrows? Did…did the girls do something?"
"You'd know if you gave a crap about what's going on here..." His wife told him coldly, turning her back on the two.
"Rita, he was talking with me." Albert tried to explain to her, keeping his tone even. "Please, if something happened, tell us. Don't we deserve to know too?"
He let his words sink in and eventually, Rita sighed in defeat. "It's Luan. I had to ground her."
"Ground her?" Lynn asked, shocked that his wife went that far. "What did she do to be…grounded?"
Rita scoffed bitterly. "What hasn't she done?" her tone was laced with sarcasm. "I'm used to her and the other girls fighting with each other, but today, she punched someone."
"Punched someone?" Albert was caught off guard.
"Yes, that Kathleen girl." Rita elaborated. "She came to bring me a gift, some novel, but then Luan got into a spat with her, just lost her mind right the hell out of nowhere, grew livid, started ranting and swearing, and then punched her in the face."
"Luan did that?" Lynn asked in disbelief. "But…surely there must be a reason behind that?"
"Yes, didn't she say she and that Kathleen girl were on bad terms, that Kathleen was bullying her at school?" Albert asked, trying to defend his granddaughter.
"Yes, I heard about it. But knowing our daughters, Luan probably instigated that rivalry, or was at least partially responsible." Rita said dourly.
"Rita, you don't know all the details?" Albert started. "Maybe Luan deserves to explain herself-"
"Will you cut the crap, dad?" Rita turned to him. "You know the girls as well as I do! They'll get into fights over the stupidest or most trivial things imaginable, I can't imagine that they are any different with their classmates."
Albert deflated. She had him there. But he knew the girls and Kathleen were up to trouble, yet he didn't know how to explain that to Rita or Lynn, and had promised to wait for Lana to oust them after the sibling duel, which should be by the end of the day. Though he knew that even if they knew, Rita might not see that as justification to renounce Luan's grounding.
The girls clearly did a number on severing any remaining trust their mother had in them if her knee-jerk reaction to such a situation was to immediately assume the worst with the girls. The incident with the babysitter showed the same thing. Physical injuries could heal, but mending broken trust was something else.
"Luan probably pulled some reckless prank on Kathleen when they started school together and Kathleen retaliated." Rita continued.
"But that doesn't give her the right to bully Luan." Lynn tried to speak up. "Luan told me about her problems with Kathleen a few days ago, she sounded very upset about it. Like she had endured a lot of pain."
Rita sighed. "I don't condone bullying of any kind…" Her face hardened. "But at least Kathleen is owning up to her mistakes and is mature enough to apologize, which is more than I can say about our daughters."
"Rita, you know that's not true. At least not entirely. Hasn't L.J been well-behaved this week, and Luan has also been going easy on the pranks?"
"Actually…she hasn't pulled any pranks since…y'know…" Lynn reminded them.
"Yes, and then they all abused that poor Renee girl until they broke her spirit, and then Luan punched someone, right in front of me." Rita grumbled. "A rotten egg will stay a rotten egg."
Albert shook his head, his worst fears being reaffirmed for the umpteenth time.
"Rita…" he put his hand on her shoulder. "I think you're being a little pessimistic there?"
Rita shoved his hand away. "No, I think you two are being too forgiving…"
She stood up. "I need some fresh air." She said, leaving the half-empty glass on the table.
"But, honey…" Lynn tried to reach her but shrank upon receiving a nasty glare.
"I don't want any company." She said firmly and walked out of the kitchen. Her father and husband followed her and saw her sitting down on the front porch, seemingly mulling over things.
Albert sighed. He couldn't wait for this sibling duel to end, no matter how it ended, just so his daughter and son-in-law could know what their children were up to. Though he realized that knowing about what Lori was up to wouldn't be fun for either of them. Actually, it would undoubtedly upset Rita even more, but it needed to be done. Oh, God? Just how were they supposed to break it to her and Lynn without inciting a riot?
"Why would Luan punch someone?" Lynn asked.
"Because that Kathleen is no good, I told you so." Albert put his hands on his hips. "I know the girls are far from perfect little angels but don't you think it's a little weird that one of them would just randomly go nuts and punch someone for seemingly no reason?"
"Yeah, I guess…" Lynn sighed. "I should have talked to her about this issue more. Why didn't I know about this-"
"Quit blaming yourself for it. Luan kept this a secret, didn't she?"
"Yes."
"I know why." Albert's tone softened. "It's not easy for a kid to admit about such things. About being mocked by their peers and treated as an outcast, but now that we know, I think it's high time her family showed her some sympathy."
Lynn exhaled, his own thoughts being flung back at him. Why didn't he read the signs before?
"You're right, maybe I should go talk to her now?" he was ready to go upstairs, but Albert's arm blocked his path.
"Eh…maybe wait for her to cool off first." The old man said hastily. "I think we better discuss what to do with Rita? I think she needs a break from all this insanity."
"I know. But what can I do?" the sullen Lynn shrugged. "I'm in the middle of establishing my own restaurant and we have ten kids to deal with, and it's summer now, meaning there isn't even school to keep them busy-"
"Then maybe there is something else that could keep them busy?" Albert suggested, remembering what Lynn and Ryan had mentioned to him before they left to go to the latter's home.
"Like what?" Lynn asked. "Please, tell me? I'm open to any ideas?"
"Just because it's summer doesn't mean that there's nothing to do outside of lazing around and indulging in inane frivolities." Albert pointed out. "Have you considered…I dunno…summer camp for the younger ones, and maybe find Lori, Leni and Luna summer jobs? How old do you need to be for that? Fourteen?"
Lynn blinked. The idea certainly had crossed his mind but he never seriously considered it.
"I thought about it? But the girls would surely hate me if I forced them to spend their summer working?"
Albert put his hand on his shoulder. "That's the point, Lynn. Work is not about fun, it's about making money, but for the youth, it's also about learning responsibility. Which is something the girls seriously need to learn. In my day, it was common for teenagers to work every summer, we often needed to, just to keep our familis from living in squalor, but also because our folks knew that they needed to teach us that life was about more than just having fun. The sooner the better."
"Yeah, but they'll-"
"Yes, I'd bet good money that they would hate you for it, that they would tell you "I hate you" right to your face, but remember, you and I both know that in the long run, they will be thanking you for forcing them to forsake having fun. Lynn, sometimes tough love is the only way to go. Believe me, it's a much better option than eventually having to send them to military school, or worse."
Lynn sighed, remembering how his son and daughter had basically told him the same thing. That he needed to assert his authority. This was the way to do it, even if his daughters obviously would not approve of it.
"Lynn, I think we really need to take this step, whether you like it or not. You, me and Rita all know that if we don't take initiative now, it will have dire consequences in the future. You're not stupid, I think you know what I'm getting at?"
Lynn's face hardened and he clenched his fists. This was it. He had to grow a spine. He had to force his daughters into doing things they won't enjoy. But he needed to if he wanted to save them from making huge mistakes in the future.
"You're right." He said simply. "I don't think finding summer jobs is going to be too hard, or costly? But summer camps? I don't know? You know those things are expensive?"
"We'll find a way, we'll scrape together the cash for it." Albert assured him. "We did it in the past, we'll do it again. Hell, if you find the right camp, I'm sure the kids themselves will be willing to pinch in and do some work around the neighborhood. I think Luan's been eyeing a clown camp?"
"She has?"
"Oh, yes. As a matter of fact, she told me so herself last night." Albert smiled. "If that's not a tailor-made place to dump a comedy-fanatic like her for the summer and keep her happy, I don't know what is? And Lana also wants to join those…what's their name? Oh, right? The Blue Bell Scouts?"
Lynn perked up. "Yeah, I guess we know what to do with those two?"
"And we know Lincoln and L.J won't be causing trouble. And Lucy has always been pretty lowkey, to begin with. If you just buy her a bunch of dime-store vampire novels, she'll be occupied. That just leaves Lola and Lisa."
"Oh, those won't be easy?" Lynn rubbed his chin. "They aren't exactly outdoor types, if you catch my drift?"
"We'll find something." Albert grew a serious expression. "But let's get back to Rita. She really needs a break from being a mother, she needs some downtime to get her shit together, so she'll remember why she got hitched to you in the first place and why she still loves her family. Remember, a husband's job is to make his wife happy and you've been flaking on that duty for years now."
"I know…" Lynn sighed. "But what should I do? Vacation? Those are crazy expensive."
"Vacations cause more harm than they are worth." Albert laughed and waved his hand. "I think both you and my little girl need a long staycation, those don't cost a dime."
"A staycation?" Lynn looked at him like he was a genius and snapped his fingers. "That's it! That's brilliant! She needs downtime at her own home, not some fancy tropical resort that only the insanely wealthy can afford!"
"Yes, but you shouldn't stop there. I told you, you need to remind her why she loves you ASAP. You need to do more than just send the kids away. You need to work extra hard to make her happy, any way you can."
"Like what? Shower her with flattery?"
Albert shrugged. "I'd say that goes without saying for any husband, but it's a good start."
"Oh, well, not to toot my own horn." Lynn chuckled in jest and gestured at himself. "But I do know how to lift people's spirits. I've been doing it with the kids all the time, even when…"
He looked aside sheepishly, "…even if I had to sometimes…well…a lot of the time actually, I had to…exaggerate the truth to accomplish that."
Albert arched an eyebrow. "What did you tell them? You didn't give them any crazy expectations, did ya? Like Luna becoming the next Van Halen? Or Lori becoming the first woman president?"
"Oh, no. Nothing of the sort. Just little white lies here and there when they were feeling blue… or cranky."
He smiled nostalgically. "Like that one time, a year ago, I think? When Lincoln was feeling down. He thought that he didn't measure up to his sisters, that there was nothing special about him, so I thought up this…backstory for him, on the fly."
"What was it?" Albert asked, intrigued.
"Well, I thought he was old enough to discuss where babies come from, so I told him that on the day of his birth, while Rita was in labor, she and I were caught in traffic and just happened to bump into the president, and then…"
"…and then the first lady helped mom deliver me into this world." Lincoln shook his head as his sisters sniggered at the picnic table.
There was a chocolate cake there, which Kathleen had offered them to celebrate their midgame victory, but no one had even touched it besides the flies that were starting to swarm it, fearing someone had added a "special ingredient" that would throw them off their game, or worse.
"He seriously told you that?" Lynn asked incredulously.
"Yes. I mean, I know dad had good intentions. He tried to lift my spirit, make me feel special, but…come on?" the boy snorted lightly. "He couldn't he thought of something… less hokey?"
"But how exactly did they "bring you into this world"?" Lucy inquired.
"Yeah…I must admit, my knowledge on childbirth is…well, nonexistent?" Lisa added, which made Lincoln uncomfortable.
He cleared his throat. "Um…the details aren't important." He glanced aside.
"Oh, that's nothing, bro." Lynn chuckled. "I remember when I lost a basketball tournament at the age of eight, dad tried to cheer me up by bringing me a pair of raggedy sneakers and claimed that they belonged to Michael Jordan when he was my age. And they weren't even Air Jordans!"
"And you bought that?" Lincoln asked in jest, clearly thinking she hadn't.
Lynn tensed. "Um…of course not, I just pretended to believe it so I wouldn't break his heart." She said in a flustered manner. "I…I did tell him that I bragged about it at school, but again, that was just to keep up the façade."
"He is not very competent at coloring the truth, I must admit?" Lisa nodded. "He once said to me that the only reason I had no friends at college was because my classmates were jealous of my superior intellect."
"But I knew that the real reason they wanted nothing to do with me was because they considered the notion of a two-and-a-half-year-old getting her master's degree quaint at best and laughably absurd at worst."
"People shun what they don't understand." Lucy said.
"And what about you, Lucy?" Lisa turned to her. "What minute trifling falsehood did father bestow on you in a transparent attempt to boost your self-esteem?
"He didn't." the goth said frankly.
Lisa blinked and looked aside.
"Oh, well? He was…probably just worried that you were too smart to fool." Lincoln said awkwardly.
"No, he just forgot about me." Lucy replied.
"Don't take it too hard, Lucy." Ryan's voice was heard and they saw him walk out of the shadows. "Saying that the president's arm candy was also your delivery stork ain't nothing worth bragging about."
He stopped and grimaced in a queasy manner. "It's just kind of gross and really, really dumb."
Lincoln rolled his eyes. "I never bragged about it. I knew it was a tall tale."
Ryan shifted his eyes at Lynn, carrying a knowing smirk. "But now I know where Margo got that absurd story from a certain someone."
Flushing, Lynn stood up. "That's not important. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be hiding."
"Not to worry, I have reflexes like a cat." Ryan assured her while holding his hands up and curling his fingers, before leaning on the table. "I just wanted to congratulate you on your second victory."
He looked at Lincoln. "That trick you pulled on Blondy? Very devious, Twinkle Toes. Very underhanded. Ha! I loved it."
He leaned back. "Of course, you wouldn't have gotten that far without my ingenious little prank giving you a fighting chance."
Lincoln and Lynn rolled their eyes. Of course, he was going to brag.
"Speak of the chubby devil? What happened to ol' Chica Grande?" Ryan inquired.
"Uhhh…that's the stuff…" Lori breathed a sigh of relief while being submerged in a bathtub full of some kind of medicinal oil, except for her head, within a cabin. It eased her pain and had a soothing fragrance.
Luna was watching over her when Lola arrived on the scene.
"How is she doing?"
"Horribly!" Lori said curtly. "How could you let this happen!"
"Calm down, will ya!" Lola snapped back. "I know I haven't been the best saboteur so far-"
"Saboteur?" Lori laughed humorlessly. "You've been nothing but dead weight so far!"
"Excuse me!" Lola said indignantly. "I've been working my butt off this whole time-"
"Yeah, and so far, you've put Amber to sleep, and I was the one who somehow ended up with the rash instead of Lincoln!"
"That wasn't my fault, I put the itching powder on his tracksuit…" Lola tried to collect herself. They didn't have time for arguments.
"Never mind that! I think I know why my plans haven't worked so far!"
"You mean outside of general incompetence?" Lori snarked bitterly, making the princess stew.
"Yes, I mean no! I mean…ugh! Stop messing with me!?" she roared. "I have a hunch that the enemy has their own saboteur!"
Lori sported an unamused expression and lifted her hands out of the oil to do a slow clap.
"Oh, great job, Sherlock…" she said wryly. "I only figured that one out when Amber randomly went Sleeping Beauty..."
"So they're cheating too?" Luna said in surprise. "Shouldn't we like…oust them for that?"
To that, Lori and Lola both facepalmed.
"Newsflash, pixie cut!" Lori told her. "We have no direct evidence that they're cheating, and two…"
"We're cheating as well and they probably know it!" Lola snapped at her. "I'm sure their saboteur was the one who switched my itching powder with something else! We're at a stalemate, we can't oust them without them ousting us!"
"Yes, you can't use dirt as leverage if the other party has dirt on you too!" Lori added. "That's why I couldn't snitch on the twerp for spying on us and for tricking us into leaving Kathleen's place! Because that would give him literally all the incentive to rat us out for conspiring with Kathleen and for locking him and the Corpse Bride in the basement to keep them quiet."
"Oh…" Luna looked aside. "Wait, you locked them in the basement?"
"That's not important!" Lori cur her off. "The point is, we cannot do anything without forfeiting the game and starting all over again, and I'm in no mood for a second wrestling match or any other humiliating defeats!"
"Now who's the incompetent one?" Lola huffed and crossed her arms.
"Don't test your luck, you vile little demon!" Lori hissed. "As our saboteur, you do understand that it's YOUR duty to find the other cockroach and put the kibosh on their schemes!"
Lola gulped, her confidence waning. "But I can't…"
"And why not?" Lori said angrily.
"Because I figured out who their saboteur is, it's Ryan! And that psycho has a death wish on me!" Lola said defensively. "If I face him on my own, he'll kill me!"
"It can't be Ryan." Lori insisted. "He was called back home by his mother. I literally spoke with her and was threatened with a lawsuit! And there's no way that creep talked his mother into aiding him with his scheme. That crone obviously cannot take a simple joke, let alone endorse cheating and scheming."
"Yeah, I think most adults have very rigid moral standards." Luna added.
"More likely, the saboteur is Lucy or Lisa. Neither of them had participated in the first two challenges."
"But they were present both times!" Lola countered. "It can't be anyone else but Ryan!"
"She has a point? I mean, Linc and his crew somehow impersonated Bobby or found someone who could do it?" Luna added.
Lori drew a breath to retort but then stopped to ponder. She hated to admit it, but it made some semblance of sense.
Her face tensed up as she looked at Lola. "If he's the saboteur, then you gotta out-saboteur him!"
"What?!" Lola squeaked. "But how am I supposed to do it?"
"I don't know!" Lori said in frustration. "Think of something! Use the element of surprise!"
"Why can't you do it?" Lola asked. "You wanted to clobber him for a while now, didn't you?"
Lori groaned. "As much as I would love to…"
"I don't think she can do much either." Luna shrugged. "I don't think that bloke's even remotely scared of her-"
"That's not what I was going to say!" Lori snapped at her. "One, he totally IS terrified of me, as should all the twerps be! And two, I literally need to participate in this challenge, you dolts! Remember? I was the one who memorized all the answers!"
"Oh…" Luna and Lola remembered.
"Unless, you want to volunteer for the creep-hunting expedition, Luna?" Lori asked rhetorically.
"Me? Blimey! Are you mad!" Luna blurted. "I don't want to take him on. He's a maniac! Do you remember what he did during the DeMonet thing? He freaking tied me up!"
"Well, shit." Lori rolled her eyes. "Isn't that a crying shame? Guess that only leaves one other person for the job?"
She shifted her glare at Lola, who trembled fearfully.
"Just remember?" Lori warned her. "If we lose this round, we lose the game. So what's it gonna be, Scaredy Pants?"
"So what do you think the next challenge will be?" Lucy asked.
Lincoln pondered. "If Lori is to be believed? Based on her words, I think this one will be less physically demanding."
"I still theorize that this will be a trivia quiz." Lisa said.
"Pffttt…no way." Lynn dismissed her, though, on the inside, she couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that Lisa was right. "That's way too lame."
"I have to concur with the poindexter." Ryan pointed his thumb at Lisa. "Blondy doesn't care about the "glory of battle", she mainly cares about an easy win. And I think she had her fair share of battles today."
"Yeah, and that would be an easy way for her to beat you." Lucy added. "Lori isn't very studious, but against you?"
"You calling me dumb?" Lynn raised her voice.
"Take it easy." Lincoln tried to calm her. "I think she's trying to say-"
"That Lori will try to exploit all your weaknesses. Just as I predicted." Lisa stated boldly, unwilling to let Lynn's ego blind her. "And you KNOW that you are not very learned when it comes to…any non-sports-related topics."
"Not to fret, fellas." Ryan said confidently while eyeing his fingers. "I've got you covered Lynn. Voila!"
He presented a tiny device to her.
"What's that?"
"It's an earpiece. My little robot buddy put it together in ten minutes flat. That way, he and you will be in constant contact. If you need to know some useless trivia, he'll use his in-built wifi to give you the right answer."
Lynn took the earpiece but then gave Ryan a peeved look. "Thanks, but you are all acting as if a quiz will definitely be Lori's challenge? But we don't know for sure. That crafty bitch could pull the rug under our feet and do something totally unexp-"
"Yes, but either way, I think Ryan has the right idea." Lincoln nodded. "Whatever the challenge will be, I think you will benefit from that device."
"Yes, and if I will be denied the privilege of partaking in it…" Lisa grew angry and clenched her fist but then calmed herself "…at least that way, you'll be able to win thanks to one of my inventions. But most importantly, if we do the math…"
"If you win, the match will be over, Team Lynn will win." Lincoln smiled at the jock, overwhelmed by that sweet, sweet feeling of hopefulness. "Two points for us, no points for them. The fourth challenge will be rendered null and void."
"But we still don't know-"
"I think it's pretty obvious, Lynn." Lucy told her.
"Yeah, after two humiliating defeats and her playdate with the fire ants, I don't think Blondy will want to do another physical challenge." Ryan smirked.
"I'm inclined to agree." Lincoln added. "I have a strong hunch it's gonna be a quiz of some sort."
"Uh-oh." Ryan stood up and chuckled. "Bitch one and bitch two on the horizon."
Lucy and Lisa stood up on their bench while Lynn and Lincoln turned around and spotted Kathleen and Team Lori heading towards them.
"Ryan, you have to-" Lucy turned to her right but found the boy gone without a trace.
"He's not on par with your, sister." Lisa noted. "But his disappearing act still defies logic."
Muttering, Lynn put the earpiece in her right ear and pulled her beanie down to hide both of them.
They were approached by Kathleen and Lori, and this time, Leni and Luna were with them. But someone was missing.
"Welcome back, dear viewers! As you can see, our midgame champions are celebrating their lucky streak!" Kathleen said into her mike but then noticed that the cake hadn't been touched. "But it seems no one was in the mood for chocolate?"
"Um…mom has put us on a strict diet." Lincoln tried to explain. "We have to keep our blood sugar in check."
Lynn snorted at the leader of the opposing team, who still had visible blisters on her arms, legs and around her neck. She sure regrated wearing a tank top and short-shorts now.
"Yikes! I know teenagers get acne, but that's overkill!" she laughed, making Lori fume.
"Your spy eye better be getting this." Ryan whispered to Fenton from the bushes. "This is prime blackmailing material."
"Laugh it up, twerp." Lori huffed in return. "Because our second challenge will leave you with nothing but the salty tears of defeat!"
"It's a quiz, isn't it?" Lincoln asked bluntly, making Lori's face drop.
"Sigh. I knew it." Lucy shook her head. "What else could it be?"
Lori's face scrunched up in agitations. "I didn't announce it yet-"
"Ugh!" Lisa lamented. "And I know you won't pick me as your opponent because then it would be no contest? Why do you have to be so cruel, Lori? Why!"
Lori trembled. "Will you let me announce it first-"
"We know it's a quiz, Lori." Lincoln said tiredly. "And lemme guess who your opponent is? A certain sports enthusiast?"
"I'm at a loss for words, ladies, and gents!" Kathleen suddenly threw her arm around him. "Looks like Baron Von Buzzkill has no sense of drama! But on the upside, his deductive skills are impeccable! Nobody can deny that! He's a true sleuth."
Lori trembled with rage and grumbled incoherently. These twerps wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of crushing Lynn's hopes by announcing her as their opponent in a contest Lynn knew she couldn't possibly win.
And to add insult to injury, Lynn didn't look particularly scared.
Quite the contrary, the jock tried not to show it, but on the inside, she was doing a victory dance. She wanted to kiss Ryan for his intuition. Oh, wait? She would do that anyway!
"Alright, smartass!" she stood up, her tone and posture bold and confident. "Let's see what you got?"
Lori was confused but rationalized that Lynn was just acting brave while she could. Unless she had an ace up her sleeve. In which case…
"And where's Lola?" Lincoln asked.
"She…she had to go to the little girls' room, she'll be back soon." Lori said dismissively.
Lincoln wasn't fooled but remained confident that Ryan could handle her.
"Already. Let's get to our battle of the minds!" Kathleen announced. "I, of course, will be handing out the questions!"
Lori and Luna blinked. "Wait a sec?" the former chuckled nervously. "Me and my teammates already prepared the questions, it is our challenge after all?"
"That's a good one, Lori! You almost had me there!" Kathleen slapped her back. "But we all know that allowing you to do that would give you every opportunity to rig the challenge in your favor! That's self-explanatory!"
Lori's façade of confidence was beginning to falter.
"And too bad this little genius won't be participating, what a waste of potential." Kathleen glanced at Lisa and stroked her head. "But then again, we want this to be a fair challenge, don't we?"
Feeling uneasy, Lincoln grabbed Lisa's hand and pulled her closer to him.
"Oh, but I do not think Team Lori has announced who their representative for this challenge will be!" Kathleen pointed her mike at the leader.
"Um…just give me a sec?" Lori held up a finger and moved her teammates a couple of feet away from the others and they huddled together.
"Dudes, what do we do?" Luna asked. "This wasn't part of the plan?"
Lori bit her lip and looked at her two teammates. Who to choose?
Actually, Leni was off the table by default. She was the only one Lynn could actually beat in a quiz. And Lynn might be a moron but Lori wasn't taking chances this time.
"Luna, what was your average grade on your report card? This year?" she asked urgently.
"Um…a C+?" the rocker answered truthfully.
Lori frowned. It was better than the D+ she got, but now was not the time to be envious.
"Fine! You'll represent us!" she pointed at her.
"Me?" Luna said nervously.
"Yes!" Lori turned around and raised her voice for the big announcement. "Our resident musician will represent Team Lori in this challenged!"
"Ah, an old champion versus a new challenger! The perfect way to keep the viewers on their toes!" Kathleen announced.
"But, Lori? I'm not sure I can-"
"Shhhhhh!" Lori turned to her. "This is Lynn we're talking about. You just need to get a few answers right and you'll beat that blockhead for sure! Just roll with it!"
Luna didn't argue. She knew Lori was partially if not entirely motivated by her fragile ego being unable to take three defeats in a row in one day, but then again, she had a valid point. She was going up against Lynn Loud?
"Hate to say it, but Lori was right." Luna admitted within the outhouse. "Not like most of us would have told her that to her face, but everyone knows that Lynn is a big dumbass when it comes to anything but sports. Actually, besides Leni, she probably has the least brains within our family. I honestly don't know how she has dodged summer school so far? I guess all those varsity teams really do carry a lot of extra credit."
She smirked. "And not to brag, but I can't deny that Lori buttered me up with her indirect admission that I was smarter than her. Which is totally true anyway. So…points for honesty?"
The rocker chuckled and then sighed in relief. "Man, am I glad that nobody will ever hear this…"
"Fine by me." Lynn scoffed. "Crushing either of you losers will be a pleasure."
"Huh? You're awfully confident for someone who can't even spell "confident"." Lori said patronizingly.
"I can spell it!" Lynn retorted. "It's C-O-N-F-A-D-E-N-T! Confident!"
"Uhhh...I think you mixed up a vowel there." Lori snickered, so did Luna.
Lynn gave her an odd look. "What's a "vowel"-"
Lincoln swiftly clamped his hand over her mouth. "This isn't a grammar quiz, it's a trivia quiz? Right? Let's get to the trivia already."
Lori gave him a smug look. "Trivia is literally everything, including grammar, twerp."
"You know…" Luna said, trying not to sound too smug. "I think I got this one, dudes."
"Well, I'm not a betting person, folks!" Kathleen announced. "But I think our reigning champ, Lynn Loud, might find herself as the underdog!"
From the forest, Ryan and Fenton watched them go. The boy shook his head.
"Good thing I gave her that earpiece, she's really gonna need it to win this contest."
"Logic dictates. That's the only. Means for Subject. Lynn to win. This contest." Fenton concurred.
"Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in." Ryan rolled his eyes. "She's pretty. She cool. She's thought. But nobody can have everything, can they?"
"Negative. That is not humanly. Feasible. But I am positive that. You appreciate her flaws." The robot continued. "Statistics show that. Male subjects find. Gratification in being. More intellectually inclined. Than their female. Partners."
"Back on topic." A flustered Ryan said in a snippy tone. "We need to find a better vantage point. One where we can hear them loud and clear. Let's go!"
Once more, they were being filmed by a hand-held hidden camera, which showed Ryan running off and Fenton following him with his jet boots. The camera shifted to a small bush, where Lola emerged and rubbed her hands.
She chuckled evilly. "Now I got you, you dirty cheater." She monologued and held up a bucket. "Lisa's creep-bot won't help you losers this time!" With that, she followed after them.
Jenny lowered her camera and sighed. "Whatever happened to fair play?" she mumbled to herself before something dawned on her.
"Then again…?" she rubbed her chin. "If both sides are cheating, does that cancel it out?"
What did she care? Her only concern was doing her task. She was terrified of incurring Kathleen's wrath a second time, so she silently followed after Lola, while keeping a safe distance.
High above her, Raza landed on the branch of a spruce tree. He wouldn't miss the next contest for the world. It was guaranteed to be a hilarious romp.
But just as he spread his wings, his keen eyes spotted something on the ground. A dead vole!
The bird's stomach rumbled, for he hadn't had a bite to eat this morning. Not when his boss was being pushy. So he flew down and eyed the dead rodent hungerly.
But just as he was about to pick it up, he heard the sound of something running, so he looked between his legs and saw an upside-down image of a bull terrier running at him.
Squawking in fright, the vulture ran and flapped his wings, getting air-born but Charles managed to clamp his jaws on his tail, making Raza shriek in agony as he tried flying away but the stocky canine was even heavier than the cat, so all Raza could do was fly a foot or two off the ground with Charles clinging on to his backside. His paws were off the ground but the determined dog would not let go.
Raza was panting in exhaustion when he saw a yellow blur in the corner of his eye and found a familiar face running parallel to them. Carrying an evil smirk, Marceline pounced on him and the vulture was brought down, sending the three of them tumbling down a small hill.
Raza flopped on his belly, with his wings spread out, before being pinned down by Marceline, claws extended, while Charles was still clinging on to his rump, biting down on it hard.
Hissing, the cat clamped her jaws around the bird's neck, when a call interrupted their scuffle.
"Charles!" Leni whistled. "Come here, boy!"
Yelping in surprise, Charles let go and Marceline was momentarily distracted, allowing Raza to gain his footing and throw her off him before making a mad dash for freedom.
Marceline chased after him and lunged, only to land back on her feet with a mouthful of tail feathers, while watching Raze and his bare butt escaping.
"There you are, Charles!" Leni happily picked him up. "Come on, it's time for our next challenge, and you won't be flaking on us again, you naughty little pup." She scolded him while talking in a cooing tone and carried him off.
Spitting out the feathers, Marceline watched them go and growled in frustration before turning back to the speck in the sky that was Raza. So close!
Fortunately for Ryan and Fenton, they found a ridge overseeing the stage where the current contest was being held. The boy and the tiny robot crouched down behind some bushes flanked by some birch trees and used it as cover.
Ryan used his binoculars to observe the event, seeing a simple wooden stage with three stands, but only two were occupied, each one having a buzzer on them and a screen counter below it. Lynn stood by her stand in a chill and confident manner and Ryan knew exactly why, while Luna seemed just the slightest bit nervous. Then again, her opponent being Lynn in a quiz likely had something to do with her lack of overwhelming fear.
The other Louds were sitting on the nearby bleachers, Team Lynn on the right and Team Lori on the left, or rather just Lori and Leni, with Leni holding a squirming Charles in her hands, both groups facing their respective teammates.
"Focus on the quiz. Nothing but the quiz." Ryan reminded Fenton. "Lynn needs all the help she can get to win this."
"Affirmative. Commence trivia transmission." Fenton responded as a tiny satellite dish appeared from his head and started rotating, in order to hear the event more clearly, and more specifically, its host.
"Welcome back, folks! For part TWO of the great Loud games!" Kathleen announced while walking across the stage. "It sure has been a wild ride so far! Filled with shocking twists and turns! Apparently, bigger doesn't always mean better, or stronger!"
Lori shrunk at that comment.
"And you should never celebrate prematurely! Because your opponent can always have a final trump card!"
Lori shrank further, while Lucy and Lisa patted their brother's shoulders.
Kathleen chuckled. "So, needless to say, Team Lynn has so far been leading the game! And Team Lori has been struggling to keep up!"
Lori clenched her teeth. She couldn't keep it in any longer, and couped her mouth. "No, it's not! The last game was a tie! A freaking tie!"
"Someone's a sore loser?" Lynn quipped snidely.
"Very true!" Kathleen nodded to the blonde. "But a tie which, nonetheless, assured that if Team Lynn wins this round, they win the game!"
"And we got it all on camera!" Luan laughed as she and Lana lied on their bellies and watched the event from the former's bedroom.
But Lana's face fell, suddenly getting a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"But this?" she said with growing uncertainty. "How's Lynn gonna win a quiz? She's not…eh…she.."
"Because Lynn's as smart as a sack of potatoes?" Luan snorted, earning an annoyed look from the tomboy.
"Hey, on who's side are you on!"
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger." Luan quipped in return. "You think Lori chose Lynn as their opponent for this at random? She ain't got many book smarts."
Luan's words sinking in, Lana was at a loss for words.
"But don't worry." Luan assured her. "I'm confident that Ryan has figured out some way to…assist her."
"But how? He can't go up on stage with her?"
Luan grew a devious smile and looked back at her phone. "Hmm…I have a hunch his robo-pal will find a way to feed her intel."
"Enough dilly-dallying." Lynn cracked her knuckles. "Let's get this geek game over with, so me and my peeps can go play with our newly acquired slaves!"
Luna gave her an annoyed look. "You're awfully confident about this, bra?"
"Pffftt…when am I not?" the jock shot back.
Luna scowled. "Yeah, but you and I both know this ain't your forte, Lynn? I think you're gonna be eating your words by the end of this."
"Bring it on, bitch." Lynn scoffed. "Consider yourself lucky that your dear friend Sammy ain't here to see you choke!"
This made Luna wilt shamefully.
"Come on, Lynn." Lincoln rubbed his forehead. "No need to go there."
"Heh! She knows how to crush her enemy's spirit in advance." Ryan said with admiration while looking through his binoculars. "Get ready, you bucket of bolts!"
"Oh, I'm ready alright…" Lola thought as she snuck up to them, holding a bucket filled with water.
"What will it be?" Kathleen announced dramatically as she walked over to a silver-colored lottery machine. "Will Lynn prevail and ensure her team's victory? Or will Luna pull through and give her team a fighting chance? I personally hope so, so we can have our grand finale!"
"Will you get on with it!" Lynn shouted impatiently. "I'm itching to subject Lori and her cronies to back-breaking labor!"
Lori seethed at the remark. "Oh, we'll see about that!" she said inwardly while looking around to see if she could spot either Lola or Ryan.
"Hmm…someone's eager to prove her smarts?" Kathleen noted, her tone laced with subtle sarcasm. "Very well! Let's commence with the battle of the minds!"
"Now, the rules are quite simple? I'll be asking you a minimum of 50 questions relating to various topics ranging from history to biology to economics and you shall answer them, each one carrying one point. If you know said question, just press your buzzer and answer. If the first one gets it wrong, her opponent can answer it and score a point!"
"NOW! Without any further ado…" Kathleen grabbed the handle of the lottery machine and started spinning, mixing up all the tiny cards inside it until she stopped and pulled one out, reading its question.
"Ah, this is a simple one!" she announced. "Who was the first president of the United States?"
From his vantage point, Ryan sniggered. That was too easy. Even a non-American like him knew about the chump with the wooden teeth.
Lynn knew this one. Any moron born and bred in America did. Acting on impulse, she pressed her buzzer before Luna could.
"Ha! Easy peasy." She scoffed.
"Yes, Lynn?" Kathleen turned to her.
"It was Benja-"
Lincoln, Lucy and Ryan all held their breaths, while Lisa nearly fainted.
"George Washington." She heard Fenton's voice, which made her freeze mid-sentence and blush with embarrassment.
"Benja…what now?" Kathleen inquired.
"George Washington, the guy with the wooden teeth." Lynn corrected herself and crossed her arms smugly. "Give me a hard one, Kathy."
A ring was heard, and one point was added to Lynn's counter.
Her teammates all sighed in relief. Except for Lisa, who looked positively furious.
"No! That's just an urban myth!" she stood up and shouted from the bleachers. "President Washington's teeth began to fall out before he reached the age of thirty! During his life, he had at least four sets of dentures made to replace them, some allegedly made from brass, gold, ivory-mphm!"
Lincoln put his hand over her mouth and forced her to sit down.
"Calm yourself, Lisa." He implored her. "You are not a participant."
"Nice save, egghead!" Lynn heard Ryan's annoyed voice, making her cringe a bit. "Next time wait for Fenton to give you the RIGHT answer!"
"Congrats, Lynn!" Kathleen nodded. "A very good start. And I'm pleasantly surprised!"
Lynn narrowed her eyes, the subtle insult not lost on her, as Kathleen pulled out another question.
"But let's see if you can keep up your momentum?" she said while eyeing the second card.
"Who is the most populated country in the world?"
Luna hastily hit her buzzer. "Um…I wanna say…India?"
A low-pitched buzzer was heard.
"Uhhh…" Kathleen pursed her lips. "Sorry, you were so very close…"
Lori facepalmed in aggravation.
"China."
"Lynn?" the host turned to the other participant, who smiled smugly at Luna and crossed her arms.
"China." And another point was added to her counter, much to Lori and Luna's shock.
"Huh! Who's stupid now?" Lynn offered the latter a smug smirk.
"And speaking of China?" Kathleen looked at the third card. "Can you tell me what their official currency is?"
Twitching anxiously, Lisa drew a breath but was once more forcefully silenced by Lincoln.
Luna paled nervously and scrambled for an answer.
"Renminbi."
Lynn hit her buzzer but struggled to pronounce the word. "Eh..ren..renma…"
"Renminbi." Fenton repeated.
"Eh.. renminbi?"
Another point was added to her counter, much to her relief. Lincoln and Lucy cheered while Lisa tried to compose herself. Lori looked at the jock in shock, her jaw nearly hitting the ground.
"And here I thought kimonos were "current" in China? Fashion trends change so fast." Leni chuckled. "Oh, well? Live and learn."
"How is she doing this?!" Lori couldn't wrap her head around it until it dawned on her that someone must have been feeding her this information. She angrily looked over her shoulder, looking around for anyone, specifically Ryan, holding up a cue card or something?
"Sporty and studious? The twists just keep coming!" Kathleen announced. "Looks like Team Lynn is still on a roll!"
"And we intend to keep it that way!" Ryan chuckled evilly.
"Indubitably." Fenton agreed, when suddenly, a splash of water hit the robot's head, causing it to fume and spark wildly. Ryan was startled and gasped.
"Critical error…critical error…" Fenton said while spinning around, his voice getting lower. "Initiate…self-repair protocol."
"Things are looking bleak for Team Lori!" Kathleen announced, while Lori was starting to bite her own fingernails in fear. "Can Luna still turn the tide?"
"Unlikely." Lynn scoffed. "Hit me with another one!"
"As you wish." Kathleen held up her fourth card and cleared her throat. "What animal is the national symbol of Canada?"
Sweating profusely, Luna tried to think, while Lynn just waited for her answer, but an answer didn't come.
"Come on, Fenton. Any minute now." She started getting nervous.
Fenton's remaining eye popped out and grew spider legs, while his body slumped against a tree. The eye climbed up his smoldering head and started fixing its circuitry, making tiny sparks in the process.
"What the hell?!" Ryan gawked at him in shock when he heard rustling and caught a fleeting glimpse of a pink blur vanishing among the greenery.
"You!" he hissed viciously and charged after her. Lola's felt a chill running down her spine and ran faster.
Seeing her sister's hand moving towards the buzzer, Lynn panicked and pressed hers first.
"Lynn?"
"I…eh…" Lynn stammered nervously.
"What's the matter with her?" Lincoln grew concerned. Something was amiss?
"I wanna say….the Canada goose?"
The buzz of shame was heard and Kathleen shook her head.
"Afraid not. Luna?"
Luna blink and scratched her head. "Eh…the beaver?"
One point was added to her counter, making her team cheer while the other one gasped.
"Ryan, what happened?" Lincoln started sweating.
Meanwhile, a frantic Lola ran down the leaf-covered hill as fast as her little legs could carry her, with Ryan in hot pursuit, but he soon ran up and jumped off a bolder, clearing over Lola and making her fall over as he landed in front of her. Before Lola could get up, he grabbed her by the leg and hoisted her up.
"Hey, watch it! My dress!" she flushed and pulled her dress up in embarrassment as she came face to face with Ryan's enraged mug, which to her, was upside down.
"Lookie here…" he said with bitter sarcasm. "Someone trying to sabotage the master saboteur!"
Lola wiped the spit from her face. "Unhand me this instance, you unwashed ruffian!" she yelled.
"Oh, and what if I don't?" Ryan growled, getting more spit on her face.
"I know you've been helping Team Lynn from the side, you dirty cheater!" she retorted, trying to act brave. "Release me or I'll tell everyone about it?"
"Oh, no? Please don't do that, your highness!" Ryan feigned fear. "Anything but that! Please don't! I'll do anything! Just don't snitch on me!"
He soon dropped all pretense. "Cuz if you do that, I'll just snitch on you for helping your team with sleeping drugs and itching powder."
Lola paled. "You can't do that!"
"Oh, and you can?" he sneered at her, making her nose wrinkle from his bad breath. "Hate to tell ya, pint-sized, but looks like both sides are cheating. What to do?" he pretended to ponder.
Lola gulped, knowing she was in a very compromised situation. She had to milk every ounce of leverage she had over this creep. " G-guess that means we're at a s-stalemate, both sides have to keep their lips sealed. It's called professional courtesy!"
"I guess you're right." Ryan shrugged, before growing an evil smirk. "But if memory serves, I did want to clobber you for something that has nothing to do with this game? What was it again? Oh, yeah…"
"Weren't you the little shit who pushed my sister out of a second-story window?" he pulled her closer to his face, giving her a good look at his clenched, mangled teeth, and pointed at her.
Lola panicked and swiftly grabbed his free hand, sinking her teeth into it. But to her horror, Ryan was utterly unfazed.
"Quaint." He sneered as Lola let go.
"Ah! I bit his sweaty, germ-ridden hand for nothing!" she cried while forming the biggest spit ball she could muster and spat right in his face.
But once more, Ryan was unfazed and the spit just slid down his face.
"You know you're just adding time to your pummel treatment?" He growled and raised his fist.
"Wait! You wouldn't hurt a cute little girl like me, would you?" she gave him big puppy dog eyes and her lips trembled.
"No, I have a rule against beating up little kids." Ryan's face hardened. "But as far as I'm concerned, you ain't no little girl! You're just a garden-variety hellspawn in disguise!" He raised his fist again.
"Wait! Wait! You can't beat me up!" she held her hands up fearfully. "Not now!"
"And why not?" he arched an eyebrow.
"Didn't you see!" she frantically pointed up the hill. "Your oh-so-precious girlfriend is choking out there! She's helpless at that trivia quiz! Don't you want to help her?"
Meanwhile, Lynn was once more struggling to answer her question. Photosynthesis? She recalled hearing that term in class? But which class she couldn't remember?
Once more, she pressed her buzzer on impulse before Luna could.
"Um…it's when you edit an image-"
The buzz of shame was heard again.
"That's "photoshop", you imbecile!" An enraged Lisa cried and had to once more be muffled by Lincoln.
"It's about plants?" Luna tried to answer. "It's when they… use sunlight, water, and….eh… carbon dioxide to create oxygen and energy in the form of sugar-"
Another point was given to her, now making her and Lynn tied, but there were still nearly four dozen questions coming.
"Whoohoo! Go, Luna, you mad genius!" Lori cheered for the rocker.
"Yay! You're so smart!" Leni clapped her hands, allowing Charles to slip away undetected.
After some brief pondering, Ryan narrowed his eyes at the captured brat. "You're just trying to save your tushie…but you are right?"
Lola was dropped and, in an instant, Ryan grabbed her elbow and started dragging her behind him.
"Let me go!" she tried to break free. "You can't do this! You're ruining my dress! I'll make you pay!"
He didn't drag her far before arriving at a nearby outhouse. Ryan opened the door and threw her in.
"Guess I'll be saving you for later, assuming I remember which outhouse I left you in." Ryan gloated and grabbed the handle.
"This is the latrine, you barbarian!" Lola cried while the foul odor assaulted her olfactory senses.
"Precisely! Enjoy your stay at Hotel Le Craphole, sweet princess!" Ryan laughed and closed the door just as Lola grabbed the handle and tried to open it, but found it to be locked.
"Grrrrrrrrr…I'll KILL you for this!" she screamed at the top of her lungs before looking around, desperately searching for a means to escape.
She spotted two loose floorboards next to the wall. Using all her strength, she pulled them off one after the other and was met with dirt.
Shuddering in dread, Lola pulled off her gloves and started digging with her bare hands.
Lynn sweated in fear and frustration, as Luna had now amassed seven points, while she still only had three.
Define the word "pandemonium"? How was she supposed to know that this had nothing to do with panda bears?!
"Tisk. Tisk. Looks like someone is already lagging behind, and after such a promising start!" Kathleen announced with faux-pity.
Lynn growled while Luna tried to keep her composure. Not from fear though, but from excitement.
"I don't consider myself the studious type but I don't take the threat of summer school lightly either. Good to see all that studying paying off in a different way." Luna said before clenching her fists in excitement. "I haven't felt this stoked since Sammy and I jammed at my garage during Lori's unauthorized house party."
She paused and blinked. "I still don't understand why nobody but us remembers it, and we were the ones who somehow ended up butting heads and K.O-ing ourselves."
She chuckled sheepishly and blushed while rubbing her head. "Maybe I got too carried away..."
"Next question?" Kathleen held up the thirteenth card. "What's the 12th element on the periodic table?"
Lynn deflated in defeat. No way could she answer that. The only upside, Luna looked just as stumped as her and scratched her head in contemplation.
"Hmmm…this is a tough one, folks!" Kathleen candidly announced to the audience. "Here's a hint, it starts with the letter "M"?"
"Ehhhh…" both of the contestants drawled cluelessly.
"It's magnesium, you fools! Magnesium!" Lisa screamed frantically while Lincoln tried to restrain her. "A cofactor in more than 300 enzyme systems that regulate diverse biochemical reactions in the body, including protein synthesis, muscle and nerve function, blood glucose control, and blood pressure regulation-"
"Lisa, control yourself!" Lincoln scolded her.
"I can't! I cannot just stand here and observe these simpletons fumbling around!" the crazed genius retorted, her eyes bugging out.
"Okay, time out, time out." Kathleen shut off her mike and crouched down to look at Lisa.
"Lisa?" she offered a friendly smile. "We're trying to have a quiz here. Could you please refrain from interrupting it time and time again? I know these questions must be easy for you, but that's precisely why Team Lori didn't choose you for this challenge."
"Yeah, nothing personal!" Lori shouted mockingly. "We just wanted to have a fighting chance!"
"But…but I can't!" Lisa panicked. "This is just too painful to bear!"
Lincoln suddenly had an idea. "Lisa, look?" he tried to sound casual. "If this is too hard for you to sit through quietly, maybe you should leave? Take a break until the next challenge?"
"What?" Lisa looked at him. "But I can't just-"
She saw him wink at her, and upon failing to get the memo, he winked again. Lisa looked back at Lynn, who was positively freaking out on stage, barely keeping her composure.
"I'm sure you can help us a lot more if you just take a break?" Lincoln told her.
"Oh, right? You make a valid point, brother." She composed herself and skipped down the bleachers until she reached the ground.
"Just continue on without me, I shall pay a visit to one of the machines that dispense canned beverages." She walked off and once she was gone, Kathleen cleared her throat and turned her mike back on.
"Anyway, guess that point goes to neither? Now, without further interruption!" she pulled out the next card. Seeing the question, she chuckled.
"How ironic? The last question was quite the toughy, but this one's stupendously easy!" She looked at Lynn and Luna. "So you better brace yourselves, girls?"
Glaring at each other, the sisters put their hands above the buzzers.
"What is the official language of our country?"
Lynn had faster reflexes and laughed in triumph. "Ha! Easy! American!" she crossed her arms until she heard the buzz of shame.
"What the?" she blurted.
Luna scoffed. "Technically…it's English, ol'bean." Another point was added to her counter.
Lori laughed her ass off, while Lincoln and Lucy buried their faces in their hands in shame.
Kathleen barely suppressed a snicker. "Oh, Lynn?" she said in jest. "You shouldn't let yourself be blinded by national pride? Anyway, on to the next question!"
"There you are!" Lisa finally found Ryan, who was hunkered over a bunch of giant and blank cue cards, startling him.
"What happened to my robot!" she demanded to know.
"There he is?" an annoyed Ryan pointed to his left, where Lisa saw Fenton leaning against a tree with his eye still fixing him.
"Pinky got the drop on me and poured a bucket of water on him!"
"What!" Lisa panicked. "You mean Lola's onto us?"
"Yes, but relax, she can't snitch on us while we can snitch on her!" Ryan hastily explained. "Plus, I locked her up in one of the outhouses, but never mind that!"
He leaned down towards her. "I'm sure you know all of that useless trivia that Kathy is going to ask?"
"Well, I don't want to brag-"
"Good enough for me!" Ryan barked frantically. "Now help me write down the correct answer for Lynn to read! Chop chop!"
"Next question? Which NASA mission first landed men on the moon?"
Lynn sweated, while Luna pondered about the answer, trying to dig it out of the recesses of her mind.
"Hurry up! Hurry!" Ryan urged Lisa as she rushed to scribble the answer onto the cue card, and he promptly hoisted her up while she held up the card.
Lynn saw Lincoln in the corner of her eyes, frantically pointing over his shoulder to his left. Gazing up, she saw Lisa holding the cue card, the answer written in big, bold letters, but her waving and rushed handwriting made it hard to read.
But Lynn had no time to spare and pressed the buzzer before Luna could.
"Yes, Lynn!" Kathleen pointed at her, eagerly waiting to see what stupid answer the jock would give next.
"It was…eh…" Lynn squinted "….Appel N?"
Kathleen's face contorted with mirth while the buzz of shame was heard once more and she snickered uncontrollably.
"It's Apollo 11!" Luna scoffed and another point was added to her counter.
Lori was splitting her sides laughing, while Lincoln facepalmed.
Ryan growled and grabbed the cue card, eyeing the indecipherable handwriting.
"What the hell, Lizze?"
"Hey, you try being legible while under pressure!" the genius retorted defensively.
"Still off your game, I see?" Kathleen shook her head. "Better pick up the slack, Lynn. Cuz Luna is winning by a landslide." She added in a sing-song voice.
Lynn saw the rocker carrying a subtle smirk, and seethed with anger, while also dying on the inside from embarrassment.
"I…I can't watch this…" Lana said miserably while crawling away from the phone.
"Oh, but I can." Luan's eyes were glued to the phone. It didn't matter who was winning, she had a blast watching Lynn or Lori being humiliated! It almost made her forget about her unjust grounding.
"This is bad, Lincoln." Lucy grumbled. "Sigh. I think this round is as good as lost."
"We can't lose hope now, Lucy." Her brother said desperately. "There are still plenty of questions to come. Ryan and Lisa just need to get it together."
But unfortunately, luck was not on the heroes' side this time. For no amount of cheating could help a rowdy and dunderheaded athlete win a quiz.
"Where was the first successful settlement by Englishmen in the United States, and what was its name?"
"Eh….Jamestoe, Virgin?"
"Jamestown, Virginia!"
"Correct, Luna!"
Lynn shrank, as Lori's crass laughter pierced her eardrums.
"On what date did the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor?"
"December 7! Eh…19…19…"
"December 7, 1941!"
"Another point for, Luna!"
Ryan looked up and saw that the last two digits on the cue card were replaced with an ink splash.
"Sorry, my marker bursted?" Lisa said meekly.
"In which year was the Cuban Missile Crisis?
"1962!" Luna exclaimed, earning another point.
"Correct!"
"Luna's more knowledge than I gave her credit for?" Lisa begrudgingly admitted.
"Who was part of… the Beetles?"
"Ha! Easy!" Luna laughed. "John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr!" she listed those names like she was reciting the alphabet before lifting both her pinkies and index fingers into the air. "Those blokes are legends!"
"Uhhh, you're on fire, girl!" Kathleen congratulated her.
"Okay, even I didn't know this one?" Lisa shrugged at Ryan. "Rock music from the 1960s seemed like an inane and unproductive subject to focus on."
"Oh, come on!" Lynn ranted. "How about some sport-related questions?"
"Lucky you." Kathleen shrugged as she held up the next card. "What does NBA stand for?"
"Ha! National Basketball Association!"
Finally, another point was added to Lynn's counter, bumping it up to four.
"In your face, sucker!" Lynn boasted but Luna just rolled her eyes, since Lynn's score was only one-quarter of her own.
"Next question?" Kathleen eyed card number forty-one. "What is the square root of pi?"
"What now?" Lynn blurted. "Are we seriously having home ec questions now?"
Luna sniggered and pressed her buzzer. "Um…I think it's…1.77?"
"Correct!" Another point was added to Luna's counter.
"Yes!" she cheered.
"Are you shitting me!" Lynn snapped.
"Hey, even I know rudimentary math trivia." Luna scoffed.
"What is the name of an angle of more than 90 degrees but less than 180 degrees?"
Lynn groaned exasperatedly and faceplanted on her buzzer, while Luna mulled over the question but couldn't think of an answer.
"Yes, Lynn?" Kathleen humored the former, but Lynn didn't respond.
"Come on! Hurry it up!" Ryan ranted in despair while Lisa finished up writing the answer.
Ryan squinted at it. "What the…"obscure angule?"
"No!" was Lisa's snippy response. "It's "obtuse angle", you ignoramus! Now hoist me up!"
"Oh….fuck me." An exasperated Ryan clutched his head and fell over, landing on the grass with a loud thud.
A different buzzer was heard, signaling that both contestants were out of time.
"Oh, too bad, girls." Kathleen announced. "The right answer is…an obtuse angle. And now, for the final question!"
She glanced at the card. "Hmm…which local apex predator hunts by running its prey to exhaustion?"
"What now?" Luna made a face, while Lynn just had a vacant, defeated look, until something clicked in her mind. She knew that answer? From personal experience!
She pressed her buzzer. "I know! It's the WOLF!"
"Correct!" The ring of approval was heard and another point was added to her counter.
"Yes! I did it!" Lynn jumped on her stand and danced in victory.
"Chew on that, LOSER!" she laughed and pointed at Luna, while Lincoln just buried his face in his hands.
"This is so sad…" Lucy shook her head.
Lynn jumped off her stand and turned to her opponent and host.
"Who's the champ now!" she laughed and pointed at her counter, which showed that her score was 5, while Luna's was 27.
"Well said, Lynn!" Kathleen nodded before grabbing Luna's hand and lifting it into the air. "Luna Loud wins!"
Luna's teammates cheered while Lynn's pupils shrank and her jaw dropped.
"Meaning…Team Lori wins this round!" Kathleen declared.
Lori and Leni cheered and jumped on stage to hoist Luna into the air.
"Congrats, Luna!" Leni exclaimed. "You were totes amazing up there! A true rock star!"
"Yes, you finally did SOMETHING right!" Lori added. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Uhhh…that's gotta sting." Luan watched the event, showing a mixture of mirth and pity.
"Lynn lost? Didn't she?" Lana asked rhetorically while shielding her eyes at the edge of the bed.
Agape, Lynn just dropped on her knees, the soul-crushing feeling of defeat paralyzing her body, and making her feel sick to her stomach.
"What did you say, Lynn?" Lori cupped her ear as she walked up to Lynn's left.
"Can't hear you over us celebrating our VICTORY!" she laughed right in her face and started twerking in triumph and shoving her butt towards the mortified Lynn.
"Oh, yeah! Who's the loser now, you sad little dummy!"
Watching her shameless boasting, Lincoln felt engaged and balled his fists.
"Don't celebrate just yet, Lori!" he said angrily as he walked up to the stage. "There is still one more challenge ahead!"
"Indeed, there is!" Kathleen announced excitedly. "Now our two teams are tied! With one victory each, they are at a draw, meaning the next and final challenge will ultimately decide the victor! Stay tuned, folks!"
"Oh, fine!" Lori laughed and shrugged her shoulders, before grinning at Lynn. "But the rules I made for this challenge stipulate one thing!"
Lincoln and Lucy widened their eyes as Lori held up a dunce hat. "The loser has to wear the hat of shame until the next challenge!"
In a daze, Lynn failed to notice Lori's hand reaching for her beanie, while Lincoln shouted, "Nooo!" and jumped onto the stage, but before he could run up to Lynn, her hat had been torn off her head, the cold breeze hitting her scalp snapping her out of her trance.
"My hat!" the jock blurted while Lori's eyes bugged out and she watched her younger sister in stunned silence before erupting with wild, uncontrollable laughter.
Luna soon joined in, as did Leni, while Kathleen looked aside and covered her mouth, but that did little to muffle her own laughter. Lincoln could do nothing but watch in despair.
"What's that?!" Lori was beside herself with laughter. "You're…you're balding? What the hell?!"
She was so overwhelmed with laughter that Lynn easily snatched her beanie and put it back on but it was too late now, the damage had been done.
"Nice hairdo, twerp!" Lori laughed in her face. "Did you take hairstyling tips from Aunt Ruth!"
"Dude!" Luna could barely speak between giggles. "What hell is that? Did ya lose a bet or something?!"
"Eh…why are we laughing?" Leni stopped and looked at the others in confusion.
"Oh, no…" Lisa covered her face shamefully as she and Ryan watched the event unfold, the latter gritting his teeth and crushing a marker in his grip.
Lincoln watched as his normally brazen and unflinchingly confident sister collapsed on her knees again and hugged herself, with tears escaping from her eyes as the awful and merciless laughter continued to ring in her ears.
"We're having technical difficulties, folks." Kathleen, trying not to laugh, said into her mike. "Time for another commercial break!"
Lana grabbed the phone off the floor while Luan was rolling around on her bed, hollering with laughter.
"So…many…bald jokes…" the teary-eyed teen spoke between laughs.
"That mean old cow!" Lana shook the phone in anger. "I'll get her for this!"
Luan's laughter slowly died down as something dawned on her. Her personal feeling for Lynn aside, even she couldn't fully enjoy Lynn's misfortune. Upon reflection, what she saw hit a little too close to home, especially with Kathleen there to spectate and comment on it.
She clutched her face in aggravation. "Ugh…why can't I ever have an earnest laugh for once!"
We see Lori laughing in the outhouse. "Oh, I'm LITERALLY never going to let her live this down!"
"Bald! So…bald!" Luna was also laughing and fell over the toilet.
Leni was also laughing before stopping abruptly. "I still don't know what was so funny, but I didn't want to be rude by snubbing whatever funny joke somehow flew over my head."
And so, she resumed laughing.
"They know! Lori knows!" Lynn rambled while in a frantic daze and hugging herself as she sat on the bench next to the picnic table, wearing the dunce hat over her beanie, while her teammates gathered around her to confront her.
"She's never gonna let me live this down!" her voice cracked and some more tears escaped from her eyes.
"Don't worry, Lynn. I'll avenge you." Ryan told her gently while holding her hand before growing a determined look and pulling out an electric trimmer, which he turned on.
"The moment Blondy falls asleep, I'll be all over her and she'll wake up looking like Lex Luthor!"
"No!" Lincoln snatched the device away from him. "There will be no hair cutting! No avenging! That's just gonna feed the flames!"
"Doy! That's the whole point of revenge, pipsqueak!" Ryan shot back angrily. "You gotta fight fire with fire and make sure that you burn your enemy so bad that they no longer pose a threat to you! This transgression cannot stand!"
Lincoln breathed in and out before looking back at him. "Look, I agree with you! But there are better ways to handle this?"
"Like how?" Ryan scoffed condescendingly. "By talking things out and asking the bimbo squad to think about their naughty actions?"
"No." Lincoln said firmly and grabbed Lynn's hand.
"Lynn, I'm so sorry this happened, but you cannot throw in the towel now! We might have lost this round but the battle isn't over yet!"
"We can still win this and we need you to be on you're A-game to do this! Everything's not lost yet."
Ryan grunted. "Actually, he's right? That bitch humiliated you! Turned you into a laughingstock! Violated you! You have every right to hate her guts for it!"
"Not helping." Lincoln sent him an annoyed look.
"Oh, it does help! Channel that anger, Lynn! Use it to fuel your drive to win! You cannot let that broad get away with this! You need to avenge yourself! Crush her! Destroy her! Make her regret ever messing with you in the first place!"
Lynn's face hardened and she grabbed the dunce hat, crushing it into a ball before throwing it away.
"You are right, boys!" she stood up, breathing heavily. "Lori needs to suffer! As do all of her cronies!"
"That's the spirit!" Ryan laughed.
"No, don't focus on harming them, focus on winning, Lynn." Lincoln implored her.
"No! I've grown too cocky after the first two challenges!" Lynn punched her palm. "I'm not gonna make that mistake again! This defeat was just the kick in the pants I needed. Lori's going down!"
She pointed at the ground. "Down! Down! Down!"
"Well, technically, we would have won by now if Ryan had been more vigilant about his rival saboteur." Lisa pointed out, earning an annoyed grunt from Ryan.
"Doesn't matter!" Lynn barked. "We can't fix the past, but we CAN fix the future!"
Everyone but Lisa got the double meaning of the statement.
"Speaking of which, let's go!" Lynn marched onward.
"Where are you going?" Lincoln and the other followed her.
"Screw breaks, we're ending this duel now! No more lollygagging! No more trash-talking! We're getting down to business!" Lynn declared. "I'm gonna finish what I started and I'm gonna WIN it! The race is on!"
As the others followed her, Raza landed on a nearby log, short on breath and very skittish, looking back at his bare butt. How was he supposed to keep surveillance on these kids if that damn feline and canine wanted his blood?
Not far away, Charles and Marceline popped their heads from the bushes and the cat urge the dog to get moving before diving into the undergrowth herself.
Raza soon heard rustling in the bushes, and looked to his left but couldn't find anything before hearing loud barking. Startled, he turned to his right and saw Charles running at him, prompting Raza to take off, flapping frantically.
But he was flying right into an ambush as Marceline was pulling a branch with her jaws, and right as the vulture flew towards her, she let it go, smacking Raza and causing him to crash to the forest floor.
Shaking his head, he saw Charles catching up to him and the latter sunk his teeth into the vulture's right wing, as the bird tried to fly off again. Raza shrieked and flapped around in place as Charles clung onto his wing until the vulture finally broke free but found a large hole in his wing.
Squawking, he struggled to gain altitude with the defective wing, while the cat and dog chased after him. Struggling to remain airborne, Raza spotted a place to land, a high platform atop of a trapeze pole, but Marceline chased after him by climbing up the pole at a rapid pace, and clawed the bird's bare butt, causing him to screech and flap faster, resulting in him smacking his head into the bottom of the platform.
Seeing stars, Raza plummeted, barely missing Marceline's slashing claws and bounced off the net below. Marceline tried to grab him again but he was out of reach and fell down again, and this time, his neck slipped through the rope, entangling him. As he freaked out and tried to break free, he just got himself entangled further in the center of the net.
After finally calming down, he saw Charles running up below him, barring his teeth. The dog barked viciously and lunged repeatedly, but couldn't quite reach the vulture. Raza shrieked and fluttered in place, trying to untangle himself.
Up, on the pole, Marceline chuckled in delight. He was trapped, like a fly in a spiderweb. Now she just needed to grab him!
After being the butt of jokes and put through the wringer for two dozen chapters or so, I was honestly starting to feel bad for Luna XD So, it was about time she accomplished something (fair and square, without any assistance). Since Lynn is very book dumb, and with Lola being a little kid, Leni being…Leni, and with Lori participating in the last two challenges (on top of also being very book dumb), Luna was the obvious choice to go with for this challenge. Naturally, the heroes had to lose this challenge because this would have been a rather anticlimactic victory, especially given the previous two challenges. Lynn's final line should clue you in on what the final challenge will be. The big question is, will she take the easy lane and pick Leni or Lola (if the latter manages to free herself in time), or will Lori manage to hackle her into making this more of a legit challenge again?
