Chapter 4

After her argument with Theodore, she'd started crying. Fat tears dribbled down her cheeks, self-pity sitting heavy on her chest. Part of her knew he was right. She was letting them win. Letting her own fear, of what people like Theo could do or say, force her into hiding, scared, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. She was fearful to use her own name, fearful to close her own eyes. But the rest of her had no idea how to loosen that hold.

She'd shut her eyes, hopeful she'd find some rest. But Hermione woke, screaming, in the middle of the night, clawing at her throat as she gasped for air.

She'd been running through the Forest of Dean, trees whipping past her, cutting into her cheeks. She knew someone was chasing her. Thick branches snapping underfoot, she remembered thinking she was going to die. The dread, the sinking feeling in her stomach, taking over. She tripped, her foot catching under a branch with a sickening, twisting snap. She'd screamed, face down in the mud. As she tried to hoist herself up, nails clawing in the earth, a knee slammed into her back. It forced her down, pushing the air out of her lungs.

She struggled. The birds cawed in the trees, none the wiser, as she fought and screamed on the forest floor. A hand gripped her neck, squeezing, pressing until she grew hoarse. Still she struggled. The stranger rolled her, slamming her head into the dirt. As her eyes swam, as her head screamed with the impact, she saw Theodore Nott lying above her.

That's when she woken, tears wetting the pillow, what felt like bruises around her throat. It felt so real, what actually happened twisted in her mind but it felt like she was there, really fighting for her life as a stranger who wanted to kill or torture her was chasing with glee. Her heart pounded, her legs hurt and her lungs were raw, as if she really had just been running. Every moment she was in the dream, she was living the earth shaking fear of being on the run, the feeling of dread and knowing people you loved were going to die, knowing you were about to live through hell and beyond. "Not again," She cried to herself, slamming her head into the pillow and screaming with frustration as a wave of nausea overcame her.

She couldn't do it again. Couldn't go through it again. She moved to stand on shaky legs that wobbled beneath her weight. She made it to the loo, falling onto her knees as she gripped her hair in one hand the the toiled seat in the other. She'd made it just in time, because moments later she was violently sick into the bowl.


When he left the previous night, Theo had snapped the door closed on Hermione's small cottage, slamming a hand onto the wall in anger. That was not how he'd intended the exchange to go. None of this was going to plan.

He'd told Potter that he was not the right person for this mission, but Potter hadn't listened. As always, he'd stormed ahead, his normal righteous self ignoring everything that screamed this was a terrible idea.

As he'd walked away from her home, he thought back. Harry Potter had been a wreck after Hermione had left. He'd taken the burden on his shoulders and his alone, thinking he should have done something, said something, been something more. He felt should have protected her, instead of falling on Hermione to protect him. Potter had chased her for a year, spending every day off from his Auror duties trying to find her. He'd had no luck, she'd vanished.

Two years ago, Theo had joined the Aurors under Potter, his year of house arrest ended. He'd wanted to pay his dues. He was submitted to a rigorous interview process involving legillimency and veritaserum, where he'd had to lay everything bare before Harry Fucking Potter, the Chosen One, the golden boy.

That is when Potter saw it. He'd felt physically sick as Potter perused his innermost thought; the two of them moving through his memories and watching him as he turned from a boy into a man. They'd watched as he'd taken the dark mark, falling to his knees on the marble floor under the excruciating pain, watched as he'd held it together for Voldermort and then chucked up his guts into a sink somewhere in the depths of Malfoy Manor. Watched as he stood, staring unseeingly out as a muggle raid unfurled before him, his first one; watched as he held onto a tree for support, he'd cried for hours after that one. They went further back, watching as he'd teased Hermione as she moved through the halls of Hogwarts, robes snapping in her wake. He'd tried to force Harry out of his mind then, tried to hide the memories, but Harry was stronger, more skilled.

Theo had turned away, forcing himself not to look as his younger self watched her. How he'd sat behind her, out of her view, but where he could see her - just looking as she absorbed herself in the dusty pages of ancient tomes. He'd been ashamed, hated himself, because of his attraction to her. He'd told himself it was just because he was studying her, like he would do with a creature in Care of Magical Creatures, trying to understand how a Mudblood could be so clever, so powerful, so above him in every other way. He refused to admit he'd fancied her. Potter had seen it though and, with that memory he'd retracted from Theo's head.

"Nothing to say?" Theo had refused to feel ashamed, to let the blush he felt in his core show on his face, instead he lounged in the chair, long legs stretching into the open space.

Potter had shaken his head, "You passed." Was all he'd said, ticking a few boxes on his form and walking out the room. They'd worked companionably enough since then, not really having much interaction but they were civil. He said an amicable greeting every morning and Potter bid him goodnight as he left.

Things had been ticking along pretty nicely for a while. Theo was taking everyday as it came, but moving through life a bit like he was sleep walking. No one, bar a few colleagues wanted to know him, he had no one left. He was alone. The feeling of being so alone, but surrounded by people, was almost too much to bear. And then... fifteen months ago, Fenrir Greyback had escaped from Azkaban. His picture, slapped on the front of every news stand, every notice board, was even more terrifying than the insane eyes of Bellatrix Lestrange. No one knew how he'd escaped, but he had. Fenrir had disappeared, a ghost in the wind, but Potter knew what he was after - or, more precisely, who he was after. The pretty, Mudblood girl, who'd captured his attention all those years ago at Malfoy Manor.

However, when Fenrir had escaped, Harry had made sure Theo was the one sent looking. Theo knew the only reason was because Harry thought his attraction to her all those years ago would mean Theo would lay his life down at her feet, like Harry himself would do. Would he? He definitely didn't want to know the answer to that question.

Harry had told him not to engage her if he found her. Warned him she would try to run. He'd told Theo to leave her be, to live her life in peace.

Theo had spent fifteen months looking for her, tracking every Hermione he'd heard mention of. There were surprisingly more of them than he'd thought there would be. When he'd rocked into the small town that the Hermione lived in, he'd tracked her. Watched for a week, as Harry had bade, integrating himself into the town and making sure it didn't look weird that he was hanging around inspecting the space. He'd followed her, making sure that no one else was, putting up wards in her wake to ensure she was well protected.

Every day, she'd walked slowly from her home to the bookshop, lost in her own world. Hed seen her open the shop, stock the shelves, close the shop and go home. After a week, he couldn't help himself, she'd looked so sad, so lost... so much like he had fifteen months ago when he had no purpose. He saw himself, wandering through life, in her mirror image. He'd wanted to save her and himself. Ridiculous he knew, who was he to save Hermione Granger... obviously, his saviour fantasy was going swimmingly.

Back in the present, he checked her wards once more, ensuring they would hold, and walked back to the hotel - forcing himself to be present and pleasant for a dinner he was wholly uninterested in.


There we have it, Happy Monday all! Hope you enjoyed :)