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Chapter Twenty-four
Despite the uplifting revelation, there was still a child who lingered by Sakura's side with caution.
Sakura had been able to usher the trio of siblings into the kitchen, preparing them the most basic of meals. There was definitely a smile on her face as she cut and cook while listening to the two brothers as they waited for a meal. Kankuro was ecstatic with his words, reminiscing to Gaara about his training and how he was being taught with puppets. He boasted about his past accomplishments he had achieved at his young age. He explained to Gaara when his birthday was, what sort of toys he had been given, what pets he had tried to raise, and all while asking Gaara questions that would reveal the boy's secret past.
The redheaded boy shared Kankuro's same enthusiasm, but his voice was still small and quiet compared to the brunette's. His answers were even short.
"I lost my tooth, is that an accomplishment?"
"I don't know when my birthday is."
"I have lots of toys."
"Yashamaru never let me have a pet. I once found a scarpien though."
And his most quietest of answers, the one that came out in just a whisper.
"I fight with my sand."
Surprisingly, his shy nature and answers did not deter Kankuro away. Even if the brunette was aware of Gaara's deadly grains, the boy would instead smile at Gaara's openness.
"Dad fights with sand too!" he exclaimed. "It's shines and sparkles in the sun. Does yours do that too?"
It was maybe Kankuro did not understand that Rasa's grains were auriferous. Nonetheless, Gaara quietly shook his head no and Sakura had to take a glance back at the small boy then. As uplifting as the scenario was for all of them, Rasa's name was still taboo to Gaara's ears and she worried Kankuro would leave the child upset at the mention of Rasa.
"Kankuro," Sakura had called then from her cooking, "explain to Gaara how you move your puppets."
And he did, while displaying his fingers to Gaara. The mention of Rasa was forgotten, and Sakura's smile had returned while listening to the brunette speak so ecstatically to Gaara. Kankuro held such an excited grin, and Gaara smiled happily at his words and attention.
Staring at the two however was Temari, and her frown was heavy as she stood by Sakura through the whole ordeal quietly.
Even when Sakura had told the two older children after lunch that they were free to go back to their own rooms or wherever they pleased, it was Kankuro who had asked if he could tag along back to Gaara's room. Sakura had looked at the small boy then, wondering if it was possible for him to become overwhelmed at this moment. From just a short amount of time, the boy had gone from thinking he had absolutely no family to interact with to gaining a loud brother and quiet sister. Yet, in his eyes, Sakura saw contentment. Though more placid about it, she could feel Gaara's enthusiasm match with his brother.
'Best of friends already?' Sakura thought with a smirk.
Still, she wanted to be courteous of Gaara's own feelings and asked him.
"Is this what you want?"
She smiled when the boy grinned, showing off his missing tooth and nodded quickly.
"Un!" he replied.
How could she say no?
"Just remember to share your toys."
Before Gaara could agree, Kankuro had patted his back.
"Come on! I'll race you!"
And Gaara surprisingly didn't need an explanation for this innocent challenge. The small boy raced up the stairs after Kankuro towards his room. Only then, as the boy's disappeared, did Sakura turn to look at the young lady who still idled cautiously at her side. Though she did not share the same feelings as Kankuro, Sakura didn't have to heart to send her off alone.
"Why don't you come too?" Sakura asked Temari with a smile.
The young girl only grimaced, eyes wavering slightly while staring up at Sakura. Despite the pride she had taught herself to carry, she opened up to Sakura then, revealing her hidden feelings.
"I'm scared," she whispered.
She pursed her lips then, not wanting to say more. How could she anyway? She was the oddball one out here, where the three of them now had smiles on their faces the small blonde still had uncertainty in her. It made her the outcast. Sakura felt for her, but she also wanted to show the blonde that if Kankuro was willing then maybe she could learn to be open minded as well. It was then Sakura offered the young girl her hand.
"Come on," she ushered. "You and I can do something fun. I promise I won't let anything bad happen."
Perhaps Temari then believed Sakura's words, or the thought of being alone outweighed the fear of being near Gaara. For whatever reason, Temari took Sakura's hold, grimacing all the way as Sakura led her to Gaara's room. Once inside, she could see Kankuro already admiring one of the many toys Gaara had.
"This one is so new!" he exclaimed. "Where'd you get the money for it?"
Gaara shrugged, his voice still quiet while speaking.
"I just asked for it."
Gaara tilted his head after that, a thought coming to him before he asked.
"Don't you get what you ask for?"
Kankuro and Temari snorted in unison to that question.
"I wish!" Kankuro said before drawing Gaara in and asking him how to work the toy.
Meanwhile, Temari made a hiss that only Sakura heard.
"Father's favorite..."
She had heard the girl say that about Gaara once before, and the words are still as unbelieving as the first time Sakura had heard her. However, the rosette realized now why Temari spoke this. Though not the heartfelt attention that Gaara needs from his father, he nonetheless gets the attentive eye from Rasa; and why wouldn't he, Sakura thought then, for Rasa is watchful when it comes to Gaara. However, this parent's attention has been absorbed thoroughly by Gaara. Temari and Kankuro are instead hidden by the casting shadow of little brother as their father only focuses on Gaara.
It's no excuse on Rasa's part.
So, Sakura leads the girl to the other side of the room hand in hand, settling to the ground along with her and watching silently as Temari observed the room and its contents curiously.
"What would you like to play?" Sakura asked.
Temari picked up a toy next to her, examining it before shortly placing it back. The young girl shrugged then before looking back up at Sakura. It was then the rosette took a glance as well around the room. Gaara's possessions aren't exactly astonishing to Temari given her age, Sakura realized. There was no way these plastic toys would elicit any joy with the blonde.
"Do you like to color?" Sakura eventually offered.
Again the girl shrugged before answering.
"Sure."
Better than nothing Sakura decided before bringing back paper and crayons for the both of them. Temari watched with open eyes as Sakura began doodling alongside her.
"You like to color too?" she asked, astonished the older woman would do something so childish.
"Of course," Sakura smiled, staring down at her drawing still. "'It's a very calming thing to do. It relieves stress."
Temari blinked at her for some time before an amused chuckle left her. They colored together for some time in silence, listening to Kankuro and Gaara still occupy themselves. At times, Sakura would watch as Temari would lift her head and eyes from her drawing and stare at the two boys in wonder. The third time she did this, Sakura questioned her.
"Would you rather play with them?"
Temari had jumped lightly being caught staring, but quickly shook her head as she turned back to Sakura.
"I just remembered that Kankuro doesn't have his face painted," Temari whispered, hoping her words would not reach Gaara.
Sakura then looked up as well to the small boy, as expected his face was clean of any purple.
"Should we tell him?" Temari asked, a little anxiety in her eyes now.
"Why? There's no reason to."
Temari frowned hard, staring at her drawing. She began tracing her hand through her sloppy pony-tail.
"I don't want Gaara to kill Kankuro."
Sakura blinked at Temari, staring hard at her while taking in her words. She remembered Shiori's warning, how Kankuro and Temari had to hide their resembling appearances to those Gaara disliked. Yet, turning back to the two boys, Sakura couldn't help but smile at Gaara's own soft smile as he continued playing with his brother.
"Gaara will never hurt you," Sakura murmured, locking her eyes with Temari.
The girl looked taken aback to those words, and why wouldn't she? The world that she knew had taught her that Gaara would do the very opposite of what Sakura was saying. For the rosette however, who was well aware of their strong bond in the future, Sakura had absolutely zero doubts in scoring a promise with the girl in front of her now.
"I promise you," Sakura continued. "Gaara will never do anything to hurt you, or Kankuro. Never."
Her words echoed in the young girl's ears, making Temari stare long still with widening eyes. Yet, she said nothing before grimacing and staring hard towards the floor.
"Even if your father tells you otherwise. Even if your mother is gone because of him. You have to remember that Gaara is still your brother," Sakura quietly speaks, still coloring the paper under her. "One day it will only be the three of you to rely on each other. You willneed Gaara."
Sakura brought her head up then, smiling softly at the girl.
"And Gaara will need his sister."
The girl still kept her eyes away, and said nothing to Sakura's words. Though, it did not deter the rosette in the slightest. Even if it wasn't tonight, their relationship would eventually change in the years. Sakura actually even smirked to herself at the thought of planting these feelings so early on. She had to believe her efforts would not be in vain. Even Kankuro playing with Gaara now was something that occurred because of her words, and it made Sakura feel slightly proud for doing so.
"Sakura?" Temari eventually called.
The rosette lifted her eyes, staring at the little girl who eyed Kankuro and Gaara deeply. Though her face was stoic, Sakura could see the blonde's eyes flinch slightly upon hearing Gaara's soft chuckle. To her pocket did Temari's hand suddenly go, giving the contents inside it a soft squeeze.
"Do you think Father lies?"
The young girl kept her face steady, still staring at her brothers while waiting on Sakura's answer. For the young woman, she studied Temari for some time, trying to analyze what answer or terms Temari was trying to suddenly come to. Sakura eventually sighed, sitting herself upright while thinking hard on the question. Something about Rasa unnerved her, and though she did find his warnings about Gaara exaggerated, he certainly hadn't lied to her about the dangers the boy could bring. When Rasa had told her that Gaara killed she hadn't doubted him for a second knowing about Gaara's destruction prior. The only unbelieving thing she questioned was Rasa's confession that Gaara's mother held no attachment to the boy. She couldn't say without certain whether Rasa lied or not, but she did believe he scared his children and painted Gaara in a different light than the boy deserved. Rasa had taken away something very precious to Gaara, his siblings.
Sakura winced her eyes in thought. The little girl waited on her, and while Sakura was hostile towards the man Temari asked about, he was nonetheless Temari's father. Certainly no little girl wanted to hear that their father lied, or was a bad man.
"Why do you ask?" Sakura instead questioned.
Temari frowned hard again towards the floor, silent. She squeezed her pocket one more time before lifting her eyes towards Sakura.
"He told us Mother hated Gaara," Temari confessed.
Sakura felt her heart sink to that confession before a hateful rage began burning in her stomach. She didn't understand the least bit why Rasa said such hurtful things towards his children. It was no wonder why the small girl in front of her despised her youngest brother. She had been the only one to know of her mother, to form the strongest bond with Karura. It came to no surprise then that Temari wanted to share the hostility towards Gaara she assumed her own mother to have had. Whether those words Rasa spoke were true or not, Sakura was mortified knowing Rasa had told Temari, and Kankuro, such a thing.
Why was this father so bent on planting seeds of hate for his own son? What did he wish to accomplish by outcaste his own son from his siblings? If there was a monster within Gaara's own heart, surely it came from Rasa's poisonous words than it did Karura's curse.
Sakura sighed at Temari's downcast eyes. The young girl was expecting an answer, yet Sakura wasn't sure what to say. She looked back the small redheaded boy, and watched him zoom his toys in the air along with Kankuro.
"I think..." Sakura began speaking, trying to find the words she wanted to say from the heart.
Somehow, watching Gaara's smile was able to help Sakura find those words words.
"I think," she repeated, "that no one should be your better judgment."
Temari looked back up to Sakura then, baffled slightly by her words. Feeling her gaze, Sakura returned her look.
"You should talk to your brother. Spend time with him like Kankuro is now. See for yourself whether he is the bad guy, or not. Then you can decide how you feel about your father's words."
Temari grimaced her head this time turning to study Gaara.
"Having another brother isn't that bad of an idea, right?" Sakura quipped lightly.
Despite her words, Temari wrinkled her nose while turning back to Sakura.
"Just as long as he isn't dirty like Kankuro. Boys always stink after training."
Sakura couldn't help but laugh to Temari's words, and the girl in turn chuckled lightly. Eventually, as the laughter died, Sakura smiled at Temari, glad to see the young girl opening up to her advice. Though, she couldn't help but wonder where her random question had been earthed from.
"Temari, why do you ask that about your father?"
The blonde's face was back down on her drawing, and she even scribbled some as her frown reappeared.
"He tells us Mother hated Gaara," Temari repeats.
Temari fell silent after that, and Sakura could only sit and watch while trying to process the young girl's words. Was there a hidden message she was missing, Sakura wondered. No, that couldn't be right. Temari is still young, she doesn't speak in riddles. Yet, as the rosette is processing this, Temari slowly put her crayon down back onto the floor before reaching into her pocket. She eyed Gaara and Kankuro momentarily while pulling out a folded piece of paper, but her gaze ultimately returned to the floor as she handed off the square to Sakura.
"What's this?" Sakura asked as she nabbed the piece of paper.
"Mother's song," Temari whispered.
Sakura's hands froze for a moment in amidst of unfolding the paper, and her eyes slowly went back to the small child. Temari still has her eyes downcast, frown heavy. Sakura isn't sure what to say, or how to perceive what Temari just handed her. She remembers this paper, she had helped the girl to find it, but thought nothing more on it. She isn't sure what to expect, but soon enough she moved once more.
Sakura's eyes narrowed at the faded writing. Reading the first few sentences, she at first thought this nothing more than a poem. Yet, soon enough, she recognized the odd symbols above each word. They are music notes. The paper is as literal as Temari calls it. It's a small song written by-
"Karura," Sakura whispers, eyeing her signature.
The paper is titled, and it is exactly as Temari called it.
"Mother's Song."
Sakura eyed the words. Four short paragraphs but immediately, as the rosette began reading the first, she knew it was about Temari. Its words saying how Karura can see herself in Temari's eyes. How she loves the way her little girl calls for her every morning.
"Mama, Mama, I'm hungry," Sakura whispers some of the words.
Yet, her voice makes the girl in front of her flinch for a moment, and downcast eyes soon slide up to watch Sakura continue reading. Karura has written to Temari not to cry while hugging her knees, and that Mama will listen to everything she says. That she will forever be her best friend.
Sakura can't help but smile to the lighthearted words. It is no wonder Temari had been so desperate finding the paper. It was her Mother's words, probably one of the few things Temari had only left to grasp onto what was her mother's. Why had Rasa hidden it away, Sakura wondered. Yet, the thought is forgotten as she begins reading the next paragraph. Her smile soon turns to a grin as she realizes these next words are meant for Kankuro.
Karura has written how beautiful her new baby is. With such thick brown hair already, she comments how handsome he will be for he resembles his father so much. The way his face glows as he laughs is the brightest thing she has ever seen. She goes on to say how she hopes he will watch over his sister. Finishing his paragraph, Sakura looks back up at Temari with a smile.
"This is a beautiful song. Your mother loved you dearly."
Temari's face lit up to Sakura's words, and she sheepishly smiled.
"Can you sing this?" Sakura asked, shuffling the paper slightly in her hands.
Temari's smile fell then, shaking her head. She exasperated, lifting her eyes above her.
"I'm trying really hard to remember," Temari admitted, "but it's been so long. Mother use to sing this to us before bedtime, and she would play piano."
Sakura looked back at the musical notes. Though her musical lessons were long gone from her academy days, Sakura is able to make out three distinct notes that seem to carry throughout the majority of the song. The longer she studied it, the more she figured out in her mind how Karura's words were sung through the notes. Though there were two paragraphs still left to be read, Sakura lifted her head slightly towards Temari and puckered her own lips. She whistled the three long notes. Their pitch rose, they harmonized easily, and Sakura knew she had whistled the tune correctly when Temari's eyes widened and jaw dropped. The color in her face even drained, and she was speechless as Sakura repeated the notes over and over, a smile threatening to break her perked lips. Somehow, though she knew it was her first time hearing this song, Sakura felt as though she had heard this tune before.
"That's..."
Sakura stopped as soon as she Kankuro spoke. Turning to face him and Gaara, Sakura could see his face suddenly match his sister's. He recognized the notes too, and it hits Sakura then why the song sounds familiar. She remembered Kankuro's soft humming from before, claiming he could hear his mother singing to him in his dreams. It seems as though his dreams were not as far fabricated from the truth, his mother's act remained still within his mind. He let the toy in his hand slide out of his grasp before rushing over to Sakura's side,and bounced lightly while trying to read the paper in her hands.
"It's the same!" he kept exclaiming. "From my dreams!"
Temari also stood and rushed to Sakura's other shoulder
"Can you sing it, Sakura?" she asked excitedly. "Can you play it on the piano like Mother use to?!"
"Eh?" Sakura drawled. "I can't sing or play piano. I can read it if you want, and maybe you two hum like you remember it."
Sakura repeated the two paragraphs over and over. Kankuro and Temari did as she had said. They attempted to hum the three notes along with Sakura's speech. When one of them messed up, Sakura went back to the beginning in another attempt to perfect it. The three were so wrapped up with the song, Sakura especially as she aimed to please the two older siblings, that they paid no attention to the small, redheaded boy who stood back and watched them.
At first, Gaara simply picked back up the toy Kankuro dropped before inspecting it for any damage. After that, he watched silently, patiently, as Sakura spoke and his siblings hummed. There is a tightening in his chest when he realized how isolated he is from the three now. The rosette repeated the lyrics enough for Gaara to learn who it is the song was for, and where it stemmed from. He was not surprised that a mention of him was not heard, the thought of his being comes to no one's mind but his own. Still, there is a bit of jealousy in him watching the three entertain one another while casting him off to the side. He should be use to it, he reminds himself. This shouldn't affect him like it is, he tells himself.
...But Kankuro was so attentive and interested with playing with him and talking to him, that it's painful to think the brunette had left his side in a rush at the mention of a mother who held nothing in her heart for him. Even worse, the rosette who claimed to stand by his side through and through takes no notice of his distress. Gaara bit the inside of his lip lightly then, trying to remind himself not to let that jealousy morph into anger.
He had promised her.
Still, the longer they ignore him, the more the time is given for that jealousy to transform. It doesn't turn into anger, or hate, like it may have in the past. No, as he listens to his mother's lyrics, taking in such warm, loving words and passion she felt for Temari and Kankuro, it is pain and sadness that enters his heart. Questions of why them and not him, come to mind. There is doubt again in his mind about his reason to exist, and an incapability to adapt into this world presents itself again. He looks up towards Sakura, pursing his lips back when she still ignores his distress. As his insecurity grows, he remembers Sakura's promise again. He does not want to lose himself again, and he does something he thought he may never do with anyone after his uncle.
He goes to her.
By the time he reached her, her eyes still didn't fall to his. He did not call for her attention, he did not want to see her ignore he feeble voice anyway, that thought alone is painful. Instead, he came next to her arm, resting his head against her shoulder. Instead of pain and sadness, he tries to focus in on Sakura's warm, calming feel.
Sakura stopped reading immediately at the feel of the child next to her. Kankuro and Temari too grew quiet, watching their brother instead. At the sight of Gaara's limp head against her, Sakura realized the redheaded boy's affliction. Caught up in the moment to please his brother and sister, Sakura had forgotten about the child who needed her recognition the most.
"Gaara," Sakura whispered before handing Temari the paper back behind her.
Sakura freed her hands from anything before wrapping them under Gaara's shoulders. She lifted him up slightly before settling him into her lap. She cradled him before wrapping her arms tightly around him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered softly into him. "I didn't forget about you. You know I never would."
Gaara didn't reply, but Sakura knew she was forgiven when he wrapped his arms around her neck, doing his best to tighten the embrace. Temari, and Kankuro, stepped back to watch the scene. They were somewhat in awe, never to believe anyone could be so affectionate with their little brother. Even more, they watched in envy at the embrace.
Kankuro cannot remember ever being held so lovingly.
Temari can barely recall her mother's strong hug.
For the first time ever they think Gaara lucky. Lucky to have Sakura. Lucky to be held and supported like that.
As time dragged on, it was Temari who stared at her youngest brother with conflicting thoughts. Everything she had been taught, seen, told about Gaara she now questioned in her mind. It's not because of Sakura that she now has doubts for what her father had warned her about; after all, Yashamaru had held Gaara the same way as Sakura does now, and his outcome with Gaara had been a deadly one. Still, Sakura does the same and live on. Kankuro today is unharmed, her as well. It adds to the doubts in her mind that all started with that old paper in her hands.
"Sakura," Temari eventually called.
The rosette picked up her head, breaking Gaara's hold. She cradled him still though, staring out in front of her as she replied.
"What is it?"
Her voice was soft, calming. It put all three children at ease. Sakura nudged her head slightly back when Temari stepped forward to offer up the paper once more.
"You didn't finish the song," Temari remarked, her voice as stoic now as Gaara's mostly is.
Sakura stared at the paper before staring back down at Gaara. With his head resting against her, he gazed passively out in front of him, at nothing. He lost himself in thought, Sakura knows. It was one of the few times he had heard the words of his mother, his first being what Yashamaru revealed to him the night he died.
They were painful, lonely words that only swallowed the child deeper into a dark abyss of solitude, and hate.
These words are quite opposite of how Karura apparently felt for her other two children. Sakura now reads of the love and adoration she held for Temari and Kankuro. It's a hard thought to process knowing she embraced two of her children and cast out the other with disdain. It brings pain to Sakura's heart, and while the boy under her is quiet, she knows he is probably conflicted and confused with his mother's song. Sakura certainly has many whys in her mind, no doubt Gaara does too.
Why did she love them, and not me?
Though a spark of interest in her has been ignited for the song, Sakura thinks to continue on with Gaara to hear would be cruel to the boy.
"Not now," Sakura said and smiled gently towards Temari. "I think it would be best to put it away for now."
"Why?" Kankuro asked, his voice soft as well.
Perhaps it is because of Gaara's current state, but the two children are mindful now not to whine or speak loudly. The brunette is simply generally confused. To his question, Sakura sighed softly while shaking her head slowly.
"We should do something that includes Gaara as well," Sakura suggested. "So he doesn't feel left out."
She looked back at Gaara then, nudging him slightly in her arms.
"Right?" she asked.
Gaara was quiet though as he continued to stare out in front of him.
"Gaara can hum with us," Kankuro added, picking his head over Sakura's shoulder to look down at Gaara. "If you want I can teach you how to hum."
Still, the boy said nothing.
"It's not that," Sakura smiled at Kankuro, grateful for his attempt to include his brother.
"Then what is it?" Kankuro asked.
Sakura sighed with a smile again, looking back up at Kankuro with a soft gaze.
"It is a song about you two, not him. I'm sure he would be more interested if your mother wrote about him as well, but we should be mindful of his feelings for now."
Kankuro pouted lightly to Sakura's words, but the rosette is happy to see the boy nod in understanding before the room falls silent again. Kankuro simply stepped back, waiting. Gaara was still lost in his own thoughts, waiting. Sakura looked down at Gaara, waiting. They are hoping for that cheerful mood to return.
Temari stared down at her youngest brother too, deep in thought like he was. In her small hands was the paper, and it trembled slightly. She is uncertain what to say next, for she has a knowledge that threatens to change all the lives in the room tonight. It plagued her thoughts as well like it had been since she first read the song.
Who is the bad guy, she is trying to figure out now. The answer had always been the same in her mind ever since she was a little girl, Gaara. Her father taught her this, her teachers taught her this, her caregivers taught her this; her uncle, through his death, taught her this. Through his actions, even Gaara has taught her this. Her mother, years after her death, teaches her otherwise.
"Gaara, Mother didn't hate you."
Her voice was stern, and it dripped with courage she never thought to have in front of Gaara.
'Who is the bad guy?' she asked herself again.
Sakura would certainly agree with their mother, Temari thinks. She can see it through the way Sakura had spoken about him, held him. Yet, as both Sakura and Kankuro slowly turn to look at her, wide-eyed and jaws hanging, she questions whether she has revealed too much.
Upon hearing Temari's declaration, Sakura had flinched before facing the girl. Where had those words come from, Sakura wondered, for Temari was one of the first to speak so ill of Gaara. She is so surprised, that her voice is lost asking Temari for an explanation. She remained so utterly shocked that she doesn't realize the boy in her arms has gripped the fabric of her shirt, clinging onto it tightly after listening to his sister.
"Temari..." Sakura eventually whispered.
She isn't quite sure what to think, or what motives the girl has. The shock factor only deepens as the blonde continued to speak.
"Mother couldn't wait to meet you," Temari said, eyes locked on the back of boy's head.
His grip tightened, shaking.
"Mother loved you."
Gaara moved then.
