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Chapter Thirty-one
The old woman was accustom to these tears, Sakura could just tell by the way she cradled Gaara in her arms. It had come from years of raising Sasori, holding the boy the same way when he begged for his parents to return. Yet, it was a request left unanswered, and Gaara's tears continued when, instead of reassurance, Chiyo simply patted his back and lightly hushed him.
"There, there," she would say.
Meanwhile, Sakura and Baki could only stand back and watch in awe. Sakura was aware of the woman's caring nature, but was shocked to see Chiyo be the one to reach and console Gaara. Did Chiyo just not label him a monster only moments ago? Perhaps it was merely instinct in the old woman to do this. She mad mentioned that Gaara reminded her of Sasori at that age.
"I want to see her! I want to meet her!" Gaara murmured into the old woman's shoulder.
To his request, Chiyo narrowed her eyes some in thought. Perhaps, distantly, these requests were asked before.
"You cannot," Chiyo answered him. "She is gone."
He continued to cry.
Sakura bit her lip. It came as no surprise to the rosette when Gaara at first showed that he held no feelings for Karura. Even if he would deny it, or claim it did not bother him when Sakura first came here, he characteristically still tried to push those that would hurt him away, including the thought of a mother who despised his birth and labeled him as nothing more than her regret. The topic of Karura was never brought up until the revelation of his mother's song. Only then, as Gaara learned of Karura's true feelings, being convinced still everyday that his mother did truly love him, was when Gaara welcomed the idea of a mother.
But, she was gone, and he had no memories to recollect.
Perhaps, once he was older, he would understand the concept of a mother figure. For now, he thought it once more cruel and unfair that he had been robbed of Karura and her love. Worst, he blamed himself for her departure. This was all his fault, he continued to think. If only he could go back, find a way to her, to understand who his mother was, only then would he forgive himself. The world blamed him for Karura's death, and Gaara laughed in their faces at the very thought. The world continued to blame him to this day, and now he shed tears along with those who wished Karura back, just like he now did.
He envisioned her love differently than others; that she had a concept of understanding Gaara differently than even his siblings or Sakura did. He heard her words through song, was told her kindness in the voices of others, but he wanted to experience all of that first hand from the woman he had killed. It must have been Chiyo's words of Karura's kindness, Sakura assumed, to drive Gaara to tears at the thought of his mother. For it was a kindness the boy rarely experienced.
Sakura blinked while trying to study Chiyo's face. Her tight grip spoke more than her passive gaze, but Sakura knew the woman certainly sympathized with the crying boy. He had lost family, someone who had recently become dear to him...Just like she had.
They all had.
Sakura realized all the more then that Chiyo's heart was probably as big as her own. She had done a lot for the sake of others, even if she tried to push them away now upon her retirement. The thought of returning that most precious to her drove her to do all she could right now within her power. She wanted Sasori back just as much as Sakura once had with Sasuke. They pushed themselves to have the power to save the one they loved. Even if the woman thought the little boy before her now to be a mess she helped create, his tears were strong enough to reach her heart. Much like Gaara had with Sakura, in time.
The young woman went to boy's back then and gently placing a hand on him.
"Gaara," Sakura whispered. "Don't cry."
Yet, her request just made the boy wail, and he buried his eyes deeper into Chiyo's shoulder.
"I didn't mean to kill her! I really didn't!" Gaara croaked through his tears, the pain of speaking making him hard to hear.
Sakura said nothing, and only stared in deep thought. The situation with Karura's death was still somewhat of a mystery for Sakura, so she couldn't reassure the boy what it was had actually transpired from his birth. She assumed this was somehow just another fabricated lie.
Chiyo slowly let go of Gaara as Sakura made a reach for him. Sakura steadied the boy as he turned to face her, his face red and wet, and she smiled sympathetically towards him.
"She may be gone, and I know it hurts you not knowing her," Sakura told him. "But when you're hurting like this, you have to remember the people you have now."
The boy sniffled to her words, still looking below him.
"Don't forget that I'm here for you now. Kankuro, and Temari too. There's also Matsuri from the park...and soon there will be many others!"
Time, Sakura realized as Gaara's wet, pained eyes went up to hers. He would need time to understand her message, to comprehend a mother's love could be found in others. He would need time to realize that he would be alright through life with the love of his siblings and friends. He would need time to accept that Karura was gone. For even if she spoke words if wisdom, he brought his arms up and reached for Sakura. He slowly embraced her as his tears continued to flow.
"It will be alright, Gaara," Sakura cooed him. "You'll see. You'll see in time."
She patted the boy's head before rolling her fingers through his tangled hair. Despite her words, he continued to cry as she held onto him. It was Chiyo and Baki who watched, both silent still at Gaara's surprising behavior. For them, it was the first time they witnessed a monster shedding tears. Chiyo especially, narrowed her eyes all the longer as she continued to watch Gaara cry. In her mind, she could once again see her grandson desperately clinging onto her and begging the world around him to bring him back his mother and father.
"Sasori..."
It would be hours later that Sakura sat with Gaara on a small bench. Still in the hospital, they waited on the news she had no doubt would eventually come. Baki stood next to her.
She had handed the antidote off to Chiyo long ago, and with so much confidence the outcome would be a happy one, Sakura had set her sights on taking Gaara home.
"You must stay," Baki had told her.
Despite her reassurance, she could tell the man was nervous still of her actions. Responsibility of her work fell onto him, and he nervously bit his lip while waiting on the outcome. Even when Chiyo had come out of Ken'ichi's hospital room to share that his vital signs were getting better, Baki held Sakura back.
"Not until he wakes," he told her. "If some reaction were to happen, it's better you're here."
Yet, the underlying message was clear; Sakura wasn't going anywhere until they were certain she had done good instead of harm. Yet, Sakura had shrugged to their hidden thoughts. She had no problem waiting, and she did so, silently, with Gaara playing with a wind-up toy bird Chiyo had summoned for him.
"When can we go?" he asked her.
She smiled at him then, happy to see his demeanor return. It made her heart ache to see the hurting boy cry.
"Not until Ken'ichi-san wakes up," she told him. "We have to make sure he is alright."
She eyed Gaara a little more, trying to sense any disturbance in him.
"Is the smell bothering you again?"
She watched as he lifted his nose upwards, sniffing the air a bit before he morphed his face to disgust. He shook his head before looking back down to the toy.
"No, it just weird smells now," he said with a few blinks in his eye.
He turned to look at Sakura, a smile forming on her face as their eyes met.
"This area is a little different," she told him. "Not as much blood here as there is medicine and chemicals."
He nodded that he had listened to her, but in his eyes Sakura could tell the boy was bored of the environment now. He didn't find any fun being confined to a cold bench, and Chiyo's toy served its few hours of entertainment long ago.
"Is he your friend?" Gaara suddenly asked, eyes still on the toy.
Sakura lifted a brow to that question.
"Who?" she asked.
The boy rubbed his nose some while trying to speak.
"The sick man."
"Oh!" Sakura murmured, her eyes falling to the toy as well. "No...I don't know him."
Her eyes furrowed in thought, trying to recollect the man's name. Yet, at the same time, she realized she may have saved a man who passed away at this moment in her own time. She was surprised to see Gaara still his movements on the toy. He blinked again, in thought and silent, before he slowly turned his eyes back towards Sakura. His face contorted some, and he almost looked upset at her.
"Why?" he asked, bemused. "Why did you help to save him when you don't know him?"
"Because that is what I do. I am a medic," she told him.
His eyes seemed to narrow more to her answer, and she was surprised to even see the young boy shake his head disapprovingly. Even more shocking, he brought out his intellect side, the one she knew his older self to very much have.
"You had no reason to," he told her. "Why save him when he...he..."
Gaara slowed his voice then, eyes falling back to the toy in his hands and away from Sakura's stare. He silenced himself, and folded his lips from speaking.
"He…?" Sakura asked, trying to usher Gaara to finish his words.
He looked back up to the rosette, eyes angry.
"Why did you save him when he may hate you? What if he isn't nice to you when he wakes up? What if he tries to hurt you?"
Sakura did not fail to notice the way Gaara gripped the toy now, almost threatening to break to small thing completely. She spoke only when her eyes went back to Gaara's confused ones.
"Because, who will he depend on if not me?" she asked Gaara then. "Even if he hates me, I'm sure someone out there loves him, and he loves them back. If not now, than later."
"You don't know that," Gaara argued.
The boy watched as Sakura picked her head away from him, staring out in front of her while she thought deep.
"He could hate me if he wants, even if he has no reason. Anyone could hate me, but it certainly wouldn't stop me as a medic," she whispered.
Gaara scoffed somewhat to her answer, and Sakura could understand the boy's perspective then. While Sakura doubted Ken'ichi would hold distaste for her for no reason, to the boy, hate was all he received from others. He imagined Ken'ichi waking up with hate in his heart, for that was how Gaara had been programmed to think. Perhaps, in some part of his past Sakura wasn't aware of, Gaara had offered help to another, maybe even an apology, and what he thought would become appreciation towards him instead remained as antipathy.
"If you were sick, and I couldn't help you, I would hope someone would find it in their heart to save you. Even if it meant from a person you hated," Sakura spoke again, trying to get Gaara to view the idea from a different perspective.
Yet, all he did was narrow his eyes more at the toy in his hands. It seemed the idea did not bode well with him.
"No one would save me," he whispered.
"I would beg them," Sakura told him then. "I would beg them to save you with my life."
Gaara's eyes and head whipped fast to Sakura and he stared at her, shocked, by her feverish words. Yet, her eyes were still in front of her.
"I'd beg them because I care for you. I'm sure there was someone begging for Ken'ichi-san's life as well..."
Gaara continued to stare at Sakura, awed by her words, his eyes had widened and his jaw had even dropped some. Yet, Sakura was quiet and instead watched as Chiyo returned out of the patient's room, she went towards Baki first, whispering something into his ear before walking towards Sakura. Behind the old woman, Baki departed without any say.
"Well done, Sakura," Chiyo spoke while giving the rosette a slight nod.
To those words, Sakura sighed. While she had no doubt about her skills, it was still a relief to hear Ken'ichi had reacted well to the antidote. Sakura clapped her hands once before standing to meet at Chiyo's level.
"That's good news," Sakura softly spoke, fatigue getting the better of her speech. "Hopefully his recovery doesn't take too long."
Gaara, at this moment, had hopped from the bench and stepped next to Sakura while looking up at Chiyo.
"Here," he told Chiyo, offering the toy back. "You can have the bird back now."
Chiyo offered Gaara her hand, and the boy obliged while setting the toy back into her palm, yet, his eyes remained glued to Chiyo and when the woman noticed this, she offered Gaara the smallest of smiles.
"Thank you. You helped to save the boy's life too," Chiyo spoke.
Gaara narrowed his eyes before letting them fall to the side of him. Even if he gained appreciation from the two women, the idea that the man he helped make better would probably stare at Gaara with eyes of hate.
"Gaara," Sakura said while nudging the boy. "Don't be like that. This is good news! You should be happy you took part in saving a life."
"Oya, what's that? You're not happy the young man lived?" Chiyo mused.
As Chiyo conversed lightly still with Gaara, Sakura could see Baki returning, and behind him an older man followed. Though, the older man hid his face by constantly wiping tears from it. No doubt, in Sakura's mind, a relative of Ken'ichi's who had been waiting as well. Baki led the man quickly into the room, and even if Gaara and Chiyo conversed next to her, Sakura could hear a loud cry erupt suddenly within the room.
This was exactly what she was wanting to explain to Gaara, and wasted no time sweeping the boy into her arms, even if she was tearing him away mid-conversation. The boy stared at Sakura questioningly, but said nothing as Sakura brought the both of them towards the door, and she pointed inside the crack for Gaara to peek in along with her.
"Look," she whispered to him. "Look how happy that man is."
Gaara watched, they both did, as the older man was sobbing uncontrollably while holding onto Ken'ichi. The young man seemed still dazed, but was nonetheless sitting up while patting the old man softly.
"My son!" the man wept then. "You're alright! You're alright..."
"Yeah..." Ken'ichi murmured. "I guess I am..."
The older man continued to weep, hugging his son still.
"They saved you! They saved my boy! Thank you, thank you!"
The nurses, and doctor, within the room murmured lightly, letting the old man know they heard him and understood his heartfelt gratitude. Even a few shed small tears along with the man.
"See?" Sakura murmured, turning her eyes towards Gaara. "Don't ever think saving a life won't go unnoticed. Someone, somewhere, will secretly thank you for giving their loved one another chance."
She hoped Gaara had heard her words, for the boy said nothing as he stared wide eyed into the room still. Even his mouth had fallen some, and he watched, engrossed, at the scene in front of him as Sakura held him. The young woman only turned her head back towards the room when Baki took a step forward towards the crying man.
"Another team, led by Chiyo-baasama, were the ones who successfully created the antidote that saved Ken'ichi-san."
Sakura was shocked hearing Baki say this to the two men. No doubt in her mind was Chiyo going to be brought up, but she never would have imagined Baki would give her credit as well. She assumed the man would keep his voice hush of her presence and work. Baki had warned her that Rasa would be up in arms if he ever learned that one of his closest men had brought Sakura to a sanctuary where he shielded his people from outsiders, and Sakura had assumed all credit would fall to Chiyo.
"What are you doing?" Sakura whispered at Baki's actions. "Don't say any more..."
She did this in no need of credit, and would hate to have this celebration ruined with words to the Kazekage that Sakura had done this. Not to mention, if pressed by others, the possibility that Rasa would cave in and order Sakura's work moved to the hospital would mean she would be torn away from the little boy. To that thought, she gripped Gaara a little more tightly.
Even if Ken'ichi was still dazed, he glanced at Baki with interest, and beside him his father spoke what was on his mind.
"Please, bring them here. Let me thank the ones who saved my son. I owe them my life!"
To the father's plea, Ken'ichi's eyes widened, and he murmured at his father something too quietly for Sakura to hear. From the man's request, to Baki, Sakura could already see the tan man eyeing her and Gaara through the crack at the door. He grimaced, no doubt struggling along with the thought of showing off Sakura. Yet, as Baki made his decision, making a step towards the door, Sakura quickly backed away.
"No, no, no!" she whispered fiercely, shaking her head.
She turned behind her, to ask that Chiyo go in and present herself first so that her and Gaara may quietly sneak away back home. Yet, as she looked back, Sakura was only met with an empty hallway.
"Eh?!" Sakura cried out. "She ditched us!"
Perhaps, for her own reasons, Chiyo had the very same thought as Sakura; she did not look for gratitude when deciding whether to help the young man or not, and had silently slipped away when the moment presented herself. Meanwhile, to Sakura's cry and tightening grip, the boy in her hands was beginning to grow anxious.
"What's wrong?" he kept on asking, eyes scanning back and forth.
Before Sakura could say anything to reassure the boy, a voice had sneaked up behind her.
"They wish to meet you, to give you their thanks."
Sakura spun fast, facing Baki with wide eyes. The man had given her little option as he had now pulled the door wide open, and their conversation was heard by all in the room. Sakura swallowed hard then. Baki had put her in this spot, so she would go in knowing any repercussion that would follow she would be sure to track Baki down and return the favor ten-fold.
"They want to meet everyone who helped with Ken'ichi's life," Baki spoke again.
'Fine,' Sakura thought.
Sakura began brushing off Gaara's face and tidying his hair as she continued to hold him. They boy stole a chance to look at her confused once her ministrations stopped.
"They want to thank us," she told him.
Before Gaara's eyes could even widen to the idea, Baki stepped to block her path.
"Sakura," he murmured. "No. Just you. I'll stay and watch Gaara."
Sakura narrowed her eyes towards Baki then.
"They want to thank everyone who helped saved Ken'ichi. Gaara did a part as well in helping. He should be thanked as much as I."
"Sakura," Baki spoke softly, trying not to add gas to the flame that was Sakura's growing anger. "Ken'ichi is still very weak. The sight of Gaara may shock him and cause further complications that we'd like to avoid. Not to mention, it may scare the others."
Sakura shook her head the whole time Baki spoke.
"Then, if we're no longer needed here we will take our leave."
Sakura placed Gaara back down and nabbed his hand quickly. She turned them and took a few steps, never stopping as Baki called out her name. Yet, it was another voice, who made her tracks falter.
"Sakura? ...Gaara?"
She turned then, not because her name was murmured, but because this individual had the decency to call to the little boy. She turned to look back at Baki who had stepped back and allowed this new man in front of him to greet Sakura. It was Ken'ichi's father, and Sakura's eyes widened as she finally recognized the man whose face now was not hidden by tears.
"Tsutomu-san!" Sakura cried, surprised.
Quick, like a flash of lightning, Sakura instantly remembered Gaara's words from earlier from when he went with Baki for kakigori.
"The old man wasn't there."
Was this the reason he wasn't running his kakigori stand and had another? Had he been gone from there these past nights sitting by his son's side in worry while Sakura hadn't the faintest clue? As the old man took another step forward towards them, tears once again threatening to fall, he spoke that answered all of Sakura's questions.
"Was it you?" he asked in a shaky voice. "Were you the one that saved my son's life?"
At this point Tsutomu's lips had curled back, fighting hard to held back his tears. Sakura wasted no time sprinting back towards the man with Gaara in tow, and she stopped short in front of him. The man looked down, still unable to speak lest his tears breakthrough and he tried his best to hide his red, swollen face from Sakura. At the sight, Sakura let go of Gaara and suddenly embraced the man in front of her.
"I'm so sorry!" she told him, pulling him into a tight hug.
The touch, and words, must have shocked Tsutomu, for he now looked forward with dry eyes.
"I had no idea Ken'ichi was your son!" Sakura continued.
Despite the happy ending, despite her confidence she could save the young man, despite Tsutomu's gratitude, Sakura felt guilty.
"If I had known..." Sakura spoke hastily. "If someone had told me sooner, I would have helped him days ago!" I-I didn't know! I had no idea you were his father. I'm so sorry it took me this long. I'm so sorry I…!"
Sakura stopped herself as the man gently took a hold of her arms and stepped away from her embrace. His face lifted towards her, offering her a gentle smile, and he shook his head while looking at her.
"Don't apologize," he told her. "I'm the one who should be sayin' sorry. I know I have nothing to give you that would show you just how grateful I am. I'm not a rich man either so please..."
It was Sakura this time who quickly hushed the man.
"There is nothing I want from you Tsutomu-san," she told him while offering him a smile of her own. "I did this because there was an opportunity to save someone who had no reason to die yet. I'm happy you have the chance still to watch your son's future."
Again, Tsutomu's lips curled and eyes watered as he stared down towards the floor. Tears threatened him again, and he did his best to hold them back for the sake of the selfless woman in front of him.
"Thank you, Sakura," he whispered. "Thank you so much."
Sakura smile towards the man, silent. Tsutomu had told her he had nothing to offer her, yet this heartfelt gratitude he had for her was more than Sakura was expecting, and it made her glow both proudly, and happy the outcome had been a good one. The rosette was glad and then some that she could help save the son of a man who offered Gaara a little more kindness than others.
'Gaara!' Sakura quickly thought then, and looked down to the boy next to her.
The redhead's face was stoic, eyes locked on Tsutomu. He held no emotion standing next to Sakura, and simply stared studying the crying man. It wasn't until Sakura rested her hand on Gaara did the boy blink and gaze towards the rosette.
"I didn't do it alone though," Sakura smiled towards the boy.
Sakura began stroking Gaara's hair lightly as he looked up at her curiously.
"Chiyo-baasama of course helped a lot," she spoke to Tsutomu, yet kept her eyes on Gaara. "Gaara, too, worked to help us get done more quickly."
To the mention of his name, Gaara's eyes had widened. Even if Sakura had told him before that he had played a role in saving a life, he did not believe the topic to be ever brought up again, or his name uttered to others while mentioning the help. He looked confused suddenly, and even a small anxiety began to build in him as Tsutomu finally addressed him.
"Gaara-kun."
Gaara froze then to the endearing use of his name, and he stood frozen and wide-eyed for some time before his head slowly turned to face the caller. A silent gasp escaped Gaara as he watched the man lower himself to his knees to face him closer to his level. To the sight, his heart raced then, for not only was this a situation Gaara had no idea how to handle; Tsutomu had also shown Gaara a side to the world he had no clue about, or could even fathom be possible.
He had witnessed a father's love for his son.
It had confused him the way Tsutomu had cried for Ken'ichi. His tears, the way Tsutomu held Ken'ichi, even his heartfelt gratitude baffled Gaara. Was this how father's treated their children? Gaara wondered if this was how Rasa acted towards his siblings. It was bewildering to think men could love that way and cry for their child's life whereas his father wanted his existence gone. The scene before had been such a huge contradiction to Gaara's views, and overall life, that it had left the boy confused.
Something had to be wrong with the man in front of him, Gaara realized then.
"Thank you. Thank you so much, Gaara-kun," Tsutomu spoke.
Something was very wrong with him.
"You saved my son. I can't thank you enough, I'm so grateful."
Gaara shook his head slowly at the man then. He understood now what it was Sakura told him earlier, that somewhere in the world someone would cry for the sake of a loved ones life. Yet, this didn't seem right. A father couldn't possibly love a son like this, could he? Surely Tsutomu shouldn't be this grateful to him. Didn't the old man know who he was? He had killed many and saved only one. Tsutomu shouldn't be thanking him, the man should be scowling instead, much like his own father does.
Gaara watched as Tsutomu raised his arms and reached for him. To the act, Gaara shook his head and took a quick step back.
"No," Gaara said with a shake in his voice.
Sakura looked down at Gaara then, surprised at what she saw on his face.
"Gaara," she murmured. "You're crying.
Yet, despite her voice. Gaara was transfixed at Tsutomu, who had still not lowered his arms. He still had sincerity and gratitude through his smile and eyes, and he still offered more to Gaara. It was not much longer before Gaara gripped at Sakura, looking for her support instead.
"Don't touch me," Gaara whispered, pleading to Tsutomu.
Yet, his eyes still had tears, and he continued to stare at Tsutomu as the man inched closer towards him.
"Gaara-kun," he said. "I can't thank you enough."
The boy gave a choked sobbed then, continued scooting himself into Sakura more, yet his eyes were curious and longing towards Tsutomu's invitation, and Sakura understood then and there where Gaara's forming tears had surfaced from.
'He's afraid.'
Afraid because of the lackluster relationship his father put forth with Gaara. Afraid because of the betrayal the came from Yashamaru, who was perhaps the last man who had reached out for him. Afraid because of Shukaku's lies and dark whispers that this man thought nothing of Gaara. Afraid because of all who had mistreated him thus far.
Gaara would go into battle with courage if needed to, he understood hate and anger. Yet, his young self feared instead the kindness in humanity, which was still a mystery to him. He feared the unknown, just like many others. Yet, it was a depressing thought that kindness and love was that unknown to Gaara.
Yet, it was still somewhere deep in his nature to embrace that love. He still wanted that kind-hearted acknowledgment others his age were privileged. Maybe, he thought, it would feel better if his existence was focused on better moments like this instead of the death and destruction he swore at times to bring. Maybe, even if he had a monster inside of him, others could acknowledge him still like any other.
He slowly reached his hand towards Tsutomu then, yet, as the man reached for him as well, Gaara gave a small whimper and once again pushed himself against Sakura. He brought his hand back and away, biting down lightly on it while trying to hold back his tears. He was so afraid of the meaning behind Tsutomu's reach. So very confused, and afraid, by the man in front of him now.
"Gaara-kun," Tsutomu whispered. "I'd never hurt you, especially after what you've done for my son. I just want to thank you..."
Gaara's wet eyes had turned back to the man then.
"...Please," Tsutomu asked.
Again, Gaara slowly brought his hand forward. He inched it closer towards the man, fingers still fidgeting in worry. Yet, as Tsutomu cupped Gaara's hand gently into his, dragging the boy towards him now, Gaara did nothing but continued to cry. Once the old man had embraced Gaara into a hug, the boy shook and cried even more loudly, and sand began to swift around his feet like the sway of water on a windy day.
He cried in fear, cried in confusion, cried remembering his father's wish and Yashamaru's hate. He cried because he wanted nothing more than to destroy this situation he did not understand, and his sand was ready to do just that if he wished it. Above all that though, he cried clinging to the man, because this was all he had ever wanted in his life. Even if he wasn't a relative, even if their relationship was scarce, Tsutomu was a man who acknowledged Gaara now in a good light. Something so few others had graced him with, and the thought that the man Gaara helped to save may still despise him, Gaara was inwardly joyful that Tsutomu recognized his goodness.
The boy wailed loudly in that hospital hallway, and even Sakura had to brush a few tears of her own at the sight.
"Thank you, Gaara-kun. You did good." Tsutomu whispered to the boy as held him and patted his head.
Good was something Gaara was taught he could never accomplish, yet he dove himself into that pool of praise, warmth, and peace Tsutomu suddenly brought him.
"You did good."
