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Chapter Thirty-two


"I live a different life. Just like you said"

"But I think it's one that I'm losing sight."

"Something that I always wanted, but I was never allowed."

"What is it you started?"

"It's something you left me to figure out."

"I knew it would happen before you even could."

"Is it because of what you did?"

"Without you, I don't think I'll ever see."

"That love you found in me."


Sakura laid flat on her back and stared at the yellow ceiling above her. She counted the many dark footprints that patterned the yellow textile with a small murmur to herself.

"I should clean those."

There was a furrow in her brow as she continued to stare up, and her previous thoughts returned then. The one of the scroll in Konoha, how she had all the means to go there soon and retrieve it with a little boy at her side. Everything sounded simple enough that it made her wonder if the outcome was what she wished for, a way back home.

'At least it's something I can rule out if it doesn't work,' she thought with a few blinks.

Then again, she thought, there indeed was a challenge in all this.

'Rasa...' she thought bitterly.

"Medicine time."

Sakura kept her gaze set on the ceiling still even when Gaara sat down next to her laying figure. Nonetheless, she listened to his instructions and opened her mouth wide.

Gaara held on to a small cup and used his free hand to grip the contents inside of it before placing it inside Sakura's mouth. She winced slightly at the cold sensation before her eyes turned to the boy.

"Ice?" she asked him.

"Kakigori," he replied. "I made it."

Sakura smiled softly at him then, and lifted some of herself off of the floor. Apparently the boy had forgotten the treat required the ice to be shaved and doused in sweet syrups. He pouted at her warm smile.

"You can't smile," he mumbled. "I haven't cured you yet."

"Ah, I'm so sorry," Sakura murmured, laying herself back flat on the floor. "Please continue, Doctor."

It had been like this ever since Sakura and Gaara had returned home from the hospital. After saving Ken'ichi, after Tsutomu's thanks, after she embedded into Gaara how significant it was that he helped to save a life, he had began spending his days playing role of a medic, and she, the patient. She had even managed to convince Baki to bring her a stethoscope for him. He used it now, placing the cool metal onto her stomach and listening. Sakura watched, trying to hold back a chuckle as Gaara listened to the sounds of her insides. His brows furrowed and eyes closed as he invested himself more and more to the foreign noise.

"No good," he told her as he whipped the instrument around his neck. "The kakigori did not work."

Sakura frowned, feigning a worried look.

"Is it that bad? Am I not going to make it?" she asked him.

Gaara was quiet for some time, staring hard at her facial features.

"Don't worry," he finally told her. "I'll definitely save you."

Sakura kept her facade, sighing in relief.

"Thank you," she told him. "I'm too young to go yet. I still have lots I want to do with this life."

Again, Gaara was quiet for some time. His passive gaze set entirely on her.

"You're not young..." he mumbled.

Sakura shot her head up then, eyes narrow and nose wrinkling.

"I'm only twenty!" she barked. "That's still young!"

Gaara only hummed to Sakura's words in thought before leaping back up to his feet. He went through his toy box before bringing Sakura back a plastic cookie.

"Try this," he said while offering her. "This medicine will work."

She took the toy from him, pretending to nab a bite, chewing and then swallowing. She smiled back at him for a moment.

"I feel better," she told him. "Do you want to listen?"

She asked him while pointing back down to her stomach, but was surprised that Gaara placed the stethoscope on her chest this time. It wasn't the first time he listened to her heart, his fascination with it growing every time he listened to it, and he always opted the chance to listen to it when given. Sometimes even listening to himself and commenting how similar they had sounded.

"You're just like me," she had told him the first time. "We have big hearts."

He grinned to her words then.

For now, his eyes furrowed for a moment, and Sakura readjusted the instrument until his eyes relaxed to the sound of her beat. It took him minutes to pull away before announcing,

"All better."

To that, Sakura reached for him, pulling him down to the floor with him and embracing him tightly.

"You saved me!" she beamed. "Thank you, Gaara!"

He began to laugh as Sakura rolled them around the floor, and once she stopped, they smiled while looking at one another.

"Open your mouth," she told him suddenly. "Let me check you now."

He didn't protest, didn't ask why, didn't scold her on her odd behavior, he instead did what she asked with a smile before. He watched while her fingers pressed his bottom lip to lower it a little more, and she studied the empty space there for some time before pulling back.

"Can you see it yet?" he asked her.

Sakura shook her head, but gave him a reassuring smirk.

"Don't worry," she told him. "Your new tooth will come soon."

"Another one will fall out too?" he asked her, recalling words she had told him before.

Sakura nodded.

"You'll lose many, but get new ones."

He didn't seemed fazed by this knowledge, just instead soaking in her words while looking at her.

"I'll show you what you do with a tooth once another comes out," Sakura smirked. "It takes magic to make the next one grow."

"Magic?" Gaara's eyes widened with amusement.

Sakura nodded.

"I'll show you next time," she told him.

"Promise?" he asked her.

"Promise," Sakura smiled.

Gaara hiccuped for a moment while in her arms still, and his eyes swam around the room as he thought.

"You have to do your first promise before that though," he told her with wishful eyes.

'Ah, the cherry blossoms...' Sakura thought.

The boy was right, and in truth, nothing was holding Sakura back from going and speaking to Rasa about the matter. She could even go now and explain the reasoning she had come up with to convince him to let them leave. Yet, somewhere inside of her, she knew departing for Rasa would be like departing for a battle. Though confident she would win, the fight that would come beforehand would be exhausting. She knew she would have to put up a fight convincing him to allow her to leave, and with Gaara nonetheless. The idea kept her rooted in the room, enjoying what she could with Gaara.

Still, she nodded.

"You want to see the cherry blossoms, don't you?"

Gaara nodded feverishly, and Sakura hummed in thought.

'Honestly, they don't really grow in Konoha this time of year. Maybe in the greenhouse...'

She shook off that doubt. Despite it being cold this time of year in Konoha, a chance that they would meet snow, she was sure she could find the small plant somewhere within the village.

"We'll go soon," she told him with a smile.

He didn't ask when, didn't inquire when the soonest it could be, he instead smile appreciatively at Sakura, certain the rosette would keep her promise. As they lay quietly, Gaara still wrapped in Sakura's arms, the boy managed to pull his hand free from her grip and Sakura watched curiously as his hand reached for her head. His stare on her head was suddenly intuitive, and even if he reached for her forehead, he had yet to touch her skin.

"What's wrong?" she eventually asked him.

"Why do you paint a diamond on your head?"

Sakura blinked, and let go of the little boy to brush some strands of hair away from the mark, showing it off all the more.

"It's not paint," she told him. "You can touch it if you like."

She assumed that was the destination his hand was aiming towards anyway, and smiled as Gaara softly poked her forehead.

"It's your skin," Gaara murmured as he dragged his finger hard against the marking.

Sakura nodded with a smile.

"It's a seal," she told him.

Perhaps those words rang something familiar inside Gaara's mind, for he quickly drew his hand back and looked at Sakura bewildered before muttering.

"...There's something inside you too?"

Sakura chuckled and shook her head.

"No," she told him. "Nothing like that."

Despite her words, something sorrowful flashed within Gaara's eyes, and Sakura had a hunch of what it could be. Though it was something she would never be able to offer Gaara, she knew her blonde friend would one day be able to. An understanding of the monsters inside of them. Gaara perhaps had hopes Sakura could comprehend his pain by understanding what it was inside of him by having something evil inside of her too, but alas, her seal was for battle, and it would be much later before Gaara met a similar boy who truly understood his hardships.

In a way, it made Sakura wonder if she could truly comprehend all that the boy went through in the same light Naruto could. She began to doubt it, and again it made her think of the possibilities of Gaara seeking out Naruto's guidance to nurture him to an irenic nature. She told herself that idea didn't bother her, it didn't matter to her who it was who offered friendship and guidance to Gaara, yet she didn't stop herself from reaching for the boy and wrapping her arms back around him. Though he let her embrace him, Gaara continued to touch her seal.

"It never goes away? I've never seen anyone with it before," he commented.

Sakura smiled, holding him close still.

"It's unique to me and my teacher, just like your eyes."

Her words made Gaara's hand fall back and stare at the older woman.

"You have a teacher?" he asked.

Sakura blinked, thinking in her mind what all she could share with Gaara.

"I did," Sakura murmured with a nod of her head. "She is strong, and beautiful."

Sakura hummed in thought, thinking back more on Tsunade.

"She taught me to be a better person. She started me on the right path to be the woman I always wanted to be, the person I am now."

As her eyes went back down to Gaara's own curious ones, she couldn't help but smile at how similar her place was now for Gaara as Tsunade's had been for her. Then again, she remembered, her guidance also came from others like Kakashi where Gaara had only her.

"Is she nice?" he asked.

Sakura kept her smile strong even to that question. The boy looked now for the opportunity to meet someone new, and kind, despite the hurt and letdown Yashamaru and Annaisha had been to him. He searched for those who were kind like Sakura was to him, and thought no better place to start then with Sakura's own mentor. Yet, his face slowly fell as Sakura rolled her eyes up and grimaced in thought.

"She's...tough," Sakura said before forcing a smile back down towards the boy. "But she's kind in her own way."

Gaara only blinked, quiet for some time while staring at the rosette's eyes.

"Will your friends be mine?" he asked then.

It was Sakura's turn to blink in surprise.

'Well, considering there all your age now than mine...'

Yet, at the same time, her thoughts fell back to his older self. To Naruto, and Lee, and Sasuke.

'No...No,' she remembered as Gaara and Sasuke's tense relationship came back to mind. 'I don't even know if Sasuke is allowed in Suna.'

Her smile was strained this time at Gaara.

"I-I bet they would all love to meet you and be your friend...someday," she murmured.

She was surprised to see Gaara reach once again for the mark on her forehead, and he playfully pushed on it before repeating her words.

"Someday."

While he was quiet after that, in his mind was a tidal wave of words. Promises and hopes that he kept in store from Sakura. He would know many people, someday. He would have many people looking up to him, someday. He would be a leader, someday. She would be proud of him and his accomplishments, everyday.

"Someday," he whispered again, somewhat in an awed trance.

His realized then, his future was beginning to look just a little brighter with the passing days.

Sakura reluctantly let the small boy go as he tore himself away from her grip suddenly and raced instead for the door to his room. Always the first to sense someone heading towards his domain, Sakura turned her body and watched curiously as Gaara's smile turned to a grin. Before opening the door, he showed off that smile towards Sakura.

"Kankuro and Temari came to play!" he announced excitedly.

She didn't even have time to return his smile before the boy quickly opened the door, meeting his brother and sister before they could even knock.

"Yo," Kankuro spoke first, gesturing to his brother. "Look, I brought one of my puppets to show you."

The brunette held onto his wooden work while walking in but stopped short when he took notice of Sakura. At that point Kankuro quickly walked over towards the rosette.

"Hi, Sakaasan," Kankuro beamed. "Do you want to see the puppet I made?"

Sakura swallowed hard to the nickname he continued to use. She disliked it just as much as the first time hearing it, but nonetheless smiled towards the enthusiastic boy.

"Of course," she murmured, taking the small item as Kankuro offered it.

Behind him Temari had strolled in holding a folder behind her back.

"Hello Gaara," Temari had told her brother, and gently pat his head. "How are you doing today?"

Gaara said nothing as he stared at Temari before glancing to the parchment she held on to.

"What did you bring?" Gaara asked.

At this point, Sakura had returned the puppet to Kankuro with a shower of compliments.

"Show it to Gaara," she ushered him along back to his brother.

Kankuro was able to draw Gaara's attention back to him with his small work, leaving Temari to glide broadly towards the rosette. The young girl gently settled on a spot next to Sakura's laying form. It wouldn't be until Sakura spoke did Temari's stern frown morph to a smile.

"How is the princess of Suna today?" Sakura asked.

Temari giggled lightly to the title, but nonetheless puffed her chest out a little more proudly then. The most confident of the three children, no doubt, was the girl in a family a men, and it made Sakura smile all the more.

"I'm fine," she told Sakura. "But my training is on hold for some time."

The girl's face fell than to a pout, and she stared at the folder in her hands once again.

"Why?" Sakura asked. "Is Baki-san not feeling well?"

The little girl shook her head before returning a soft smile to Sakura.

"Nn," Temari said, now offering the folder to Sakura. "Father sent him on a mission."

Sakura's eyes went round, and she blinked towards Temari even while taking the folder.

"A mission?" she asked. "He didn't mention anything to me."

Then, she thought, why would he anyway, and looked down to what Temari offered her.

"What's this?" Sakura asked, opening the folder and pulling out parchments.

"Baki-san asked me to give it to you! He gave it to me yesterday, but told me to wait until today to give it you," Temari smiled. "He said the letter is from him, but otherwise the rest is something Chiyo-baasama wanted you have."

Sakura eyed the folder once more, realizing the seal on it had already been torn open.

"Someone was trying to read it before me..." Sakura murmured, eyes dragging up towards Temari's sitting form.

The girl's eyes found the side of the floor then, and she tried to hum nonchalant before speaking.

"Not me!" she eventually claimed. "I wouldn't be able to understand all those words and terms!"

It was Sakura's turn to hum, though in an unpleasant tone, while staring at Temari. The girl tried to pry into the world of adults, thinking she was another one among them and with the same mindset. Again, it was that overconfidence that made Temari think that way, and Sakura said nothing more as she began reading Baki's letter.

Sakura was surprised to read it thanking her. She had imagined all his gratitude had been heard at the hospital, but on the paper he emphasized what good she had done not only for the village but for the country as well, and that once he returned he would find some way to repay her. To those first short paragraphs, Sakura lowered the paper.

'They must have been sent to search for Sasori,' Sakura thought. 'Ken'ichi must have remembered some key points, and they now have the antidote to counter Sasori's poison and possibly capture him.'

To the thought, Sakura swallowed hard. Her battle with Sasori was no walk in the park, but she wanted to believe the team Rasa sent were only the best men. After all, even the Kazekage made mention how important it was to save Ken'ichi and learn the intel his team had found. She was sure Baki, and his team, would return triumphant.

Though he did not add any more detail of her, he thanked Sakura for all she had done with Annaisha. He mentioned that even if the young woman was set on her ways, she did speak fondly of Sakura with him, and he was glad to know Sakura had tried her best helping her. Yet, to these words, Sakura grimaced. It had been a while since Annaisha had crossed her mind, and she couldn't help but wonder if it was the same for Gaara.

'He doesn't say anything about her… Does he wonder about her at all?'

Sakura stole a quick glance towards Gaara, happy to see a smile on his face as he and Kankuro played with a small puppet.

She returned to the letter as it finished with the mention that Chiyo had asked him to give her this folder despite his protest, and that Chiyo gave her thanks to her, as well as to Gaara. Finally, the letter ended with Baki asking Sakura to give both him, and Chiyo, well wishes as the old woman had pushed to be included on the team and was sent on the mission as well. To this info, Sakura's eyes went wide, and she had even jumped from the floor and rushed towards a window.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" Temari had asked, but the rosette remained silent.

Even Sakura wouldn't be able to answer that, instead she stared out of the village trying to view outside the walls. She knew it was in vain, as Baki and his team had probably left a long time ago, but her emerald eyes danced around the sand still trying to spot the team. She couldn't say what it was, or why she felt this way. Perhaps it was because of the connection between her, Chiyo, and Sasori, because for whatever reason the feeling of being left behind ached Sakura's heart, and she grew finicky at the thought of not being included finding a man she had helped to take down years ago.

She bit her lip thinking more about it.

'I could go to Rasa and ask for information. Perhaps catch up to them...'

Yet, it was Gaara's own laughter within the room that reminded Sakura who she would be leaving behind if she took this route. Not to mention, as essential as Rasa had made it clear to Baki and Chiyo to save Ken'ichi's life, and as clear-cut as Baki had made it to Sakura that Rasa would not welcome her as an outsider saving lives in the hospital, she imagined Rasa would hold back discussing the mission with her as much as possible.

Sakura decided then that she would simply have to rely on the two, and the team, to come back unharmed and with an accomplished mission.

"Good luck," she whispered before turning away from the window.

She glanced back down at the folder, remembering Baki's words in the letter. Chiyo had pushed Baki to give her this folder, and it made her wonder what the contents inside could be. There were a few papers, and it took Sakura some time to figure out what it all was as names, and dates, had been scribbled out on some parts while others were completely whited out.

'These are medical charts,' she realized.

And as some names began to appear, even quotes from people, Sakura realized then it she was reading Shukaku's sealing, Gaara's birth, and Karura's death. Sakura was lost into the papers as she re-read over and over the process Chiyo and her team used to seal Shukaku within Gaara while he was within his mother's still. She read about Karura's concern over the act, but nonetheless agreed to the sealing so long as it meant Gaara was safe and it was for the greater cause of the village like the councilmen presented. She read how Gaara was born premature, how he came into this world so weak and without any sound. She read how complications led to Karura's death, and also how Karura was quoted saying how she would watch over and protect Gaara always while holding him as she passed.

'PPH?' Sakura assumed as Karura's death, though the cause of death had been scratched out.

Even then, the more the rosette thought about it, no doubt the sealing had taken a toll on Karura to some degree. The council had promised Karura that Gaara would be born safe, but nothing more, and with a secret price to pay. Sakura bit her lip again at the thought.

'Selfish,' she thought. 'Men and women who place their village higher than a life.'

More interesting to her, as Sakura was well aware of Karura's true feelings towards Gaara as well as her death, was reading how the medical team came to learn of Gaara's powers. Vaccine through needles were impossible for a baby Gaara, they were quick to learn that Gaara's protective sand was associated with pain, and while the conclusion for this sand shield being was because of Shukaku's presence, there would be two men who said otherwise. Two men who would say it was through Karura that Gaara had this inexpiable protection. Even Sakura sided in her mind that Gaara's self-aware sand came through Shukaku, but suddenly retracted that thought as she remembered the Gaara of her own time.

'His sand still protects him unconditionally, right?' she thought, trying to remember watching him battle.

However, it would be one of those times again Sakura wished she had taken the liberty to learn of the Kazekage of her world. Being here now, trying to figure out so much of the little boy, Sakura was slowly realizing she hadn't spared any time to visit Gaara, to speak with him and perhaps understand his past and perspectives now.

'What will I even do now?' she wondered. 'How will I even approach Gaara once I return? Do I even tell him all that has happened?'

"Sakura?"

Sakura blinked before turning her eyes back towards Temari. The girl held eyes of worry before speaking again.

"Are you alright? You seem...lost."

And it would be Temari's words, her aura of concern, that would make a small, redheaded boy halt his laughter for the moment as he too turned to eye Sakura and assess whatever it was Temari had noticed. And it would be Gaara's teal gaze Sakura would stare at now as she wondered, thought, asked herself, what would he share, or what stories would he tell her, when she met Gaara once again years and years later once they were near the same age again.

What would she tell him?

'Does he even know that his mother loves him?'

How deep were the secrets she learned here compared to the knowledge Gaara of her own time had? Did he even know his mother's song, she wondered. Did he know that two men claimed his mother guarded him through her love?

Did he know that his father…?

As Gaara's apathetic gaze sunk to a sad frown, worried by Sakura's silence, the young woman quickly shook her head. Instead of questions, a resolve found her. A strong one that coursed through her even when she skimmed through the papers once more, just to be certain. Once done, she set the papers down while turning towards Temari in all seriousness.

"Will you three be alright on your own?"

Temari's eyes widened to the question, and even Gaara's had rounded with worry, but Sakura's serious gaze told her that the answer she needed now was a yes. Slowly, the girl nodded, understanding in some light. However, she still asked the questions she needed to reassure herself that she would indeed be alright with her youngest brother.

"How long?" Temari asked.

"Not long," Sakura answered. "I just need to speak with someone."

Silence followed, Temari was nervous, Gaara began to panic, and Kankuro tried to comprehend the situation his siblings seemed to tense to. Of course they would be alright, Kankuro thought.

"W-What do I do if..." Temari began, but was stopped by Sakura before she could utter a name.

"You find me," she told him. "No one else. Just me."

It felt like time was suddenly moving too quickly for the girl, but she nonetheless nodded towards Sakura in understanding.

"It will be alright," Sakura said instead with a smile.

Temari tried to copy that smile with some of her confidence morphing it as well.

"U-Un," she replied. "We'll just play together until you come back."

Sakura nodded approvingly before stepping towards the door, but to her few, small steps, Gaara had made big ones that rushed to stop her.

"Where are you going?!" he asked.

And as Sakura looked back down at him, she could see the fear in his eyes. Fear of her departure, fear that her guidance would be lost once she left. Fear that she may not return.

"I'll be back soon, I promise," she said, reaching to stroke his hair.

Gaara stepped back from her touch, instead shaking his head.

"You have to let me come. I-I go where you go!"

Sakura smiled sympathetically at the boy. The last time she had brought him along to the same place she was going now, he had begged her not to force him to go inside. To her silent smile, Gaara continued to shake his head, and he, in time, realized she wouldn't be convinced to bring him along. So, instead, he slowly drew to her and embraced her leg.

"Promise me you'll come back."

She knelt to his level, pulling him into a tight hug,

"You know I will," she told him. "I'd never leave you."

He held onto her tighter, despite her words. He held on, yet knowing he would have to let go.

"And, when I do get back, I think we should get Kakigori."

Gaara said nothing until Sakura playfully tickled him, and he did giggle a little before returning her smile.

"Let's bring Kankuro and Temari too!" Gaara said, making Sakura grin at his selfless display.

"You're so smart, Gaara," she told him. "That's a great idea."

Sakura embraced him once more, telling him to behave for his brother and sister before the boy reluctantly stepped aside and watched Sakura depart.

"Come back soon, Sakura," he had told her.

With those words, the thought that Gaara was away from her, drove the rosette all the more to her destination. She did not walk, did not jog, but instead ran to the tallest building in the village. Before long, her mind went back to the papers she had just read.

'Two men believe Karura's love is what protects Gaara.'

Walking into the building, Sakura didn't even address the secretary or workers there who asked for her purpose.

'Two men had tried to convince Karura that sealing Shukaku while she was pregnant was a terrible idea, and had begged her to reconsider.'

Two guards stopped Sakura in front of her destination.

"Turn back," they had told her. "Unless he is expecting to see you, you have no business here."

'One of those men knows my skills. Knows my medical mind, and has felt my strength.'

Sakura didn't even glance at the ones stopping her, instead she used her strength to push them both roughly away.

"Move!" she had told them before opening and waltzing through the door. "You're in my way."

Sakura's eyes narrowed as she met eyes with Rasa while he sat behind his desk. Their last encounter felt so long ago, and the discussion she thought would follow never happened. Rasa had kept his distance from her, and surprisingly was not at all flustered by her appearance now, nor the damage she had done to the building.

"Sakura," was all he said to greet her, and even nodded his head.

'This man...' Sakura thought. 'Has been using me.'

It made all the more sense now as she stood here staring at Rasa. Annaisha's words spoke a little more clearly to her now. Chiyo-baasama's warning that there were other ways to get rid of a problem was something she finally understood. Even Shiori's sudden disappearance became all the more clear.

"You're trying to kill Gaara," Sakura finally spoke.

It wasn't a question. The pieces for Sakura were finally coming into place. And even if this accusation was a big one, one that should rock a father about his son, Rasa remained nonchalant and said nothing to disprove Sakura's words.

And yet.

And yet…

Sakura took Kakashi's teachings to heart now.

"Look underneath the underneath."

Rasa knew her strength. Rasa knew her ability to heal. Could see a connection to Gaara she had developed early on. He had warned her when Gaara would be at his worst when the full moon came.

He needn't have done that.

He brought to her a worn down Gaara, emphasizing to her with words that made her cautious that night of Annaisha's attack.

He needn't have done that.

He had placed her into a home full of secrets that were easily accessible by her.

He needn't have done that.

He kept her.

He needn't have done that.

Sakura bit her lip, bowing her head some. Her words seemed to barely strike the man in front of her, his careless attitude towards her and his son spoke how much he cared about the situation around him. They were nothing to him, just two people he placed together who he would not bat an eye for.

His actions, as Sakura finally learned now, said something else than his attitude did. This time, as Sakura made another claim, the man in front of her finally did shuffle in his seat.

"You used me..." she whispered. "...to keep Gaara alive."