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Chapter Fifty-four


As serious as his threat felt, Sakura was mildly surprised to find herself accompanied by Temari, and only her, for the next few days.

"...If you run I will catch you, little blossom."

The words echo in Sakura's mind and she stares distantly while thinking back on Gaara's words.

'What would he have done had I run?' she wonders. 'Would he have really chased me? Would he have been able to catch me?'

As soon as she remembers the chakra and seal she mentally groans at the obvious answers that come. Yet, there is still one wonder she can't imagine. One question lingers, and though there is an obvious possibility, it is hard for her to fathom such a thought. So, instead, she just repeats it in her mind.

'What would he have done if he had caught me?'

His dazed eyes from that time return to her mind and, with that thought, do her own eyes narrow. Once again, the most obvious answer plays in her mind of what he would have done once he caught her. Though he left words unspoken, his actions, and even his gaze, has told her.

"Damn it," she mumbles before sighing and dropping her head into her hands.

"Sakura-sama," Temari's voice breaks the silence. "Is something troubling you? Anything you might need, just let me-"

"I think your brother is attracted to me," Sakura cuts the blonde off, not sparing her eyes back up.

Silence follows as Sakura is sure shock plagues the oldest Suna sibling. Yet, another surprise comes when Temari simply repeats her words.

"Anything you might need, just let me know."

Sakura grips the chair she sits in as her angry eyes lift up to stare at Temari. Like her youngest brother at times, Temari looks unmoved, uncaring, and acts as if Sakura's words are as important as afternoon tea.

"Did you not hear what I said?" Sakura asks, in disbelief at Temari's nonchalant attitude. "Your brother is-"

Temari groans loudly, making Sakura stop from finishing her sentence. The noise from the blonde sounds almost irritable, as do her next words as well. Yet, she keeps a professionalism about her that Gaara has clearly trained her to uphold.

"Which?" she snaps at Sakura. "If you don't mind my question, I ask which of my brothers you're referring to. I have two."

Sakura sighs, raising an eyebrow towards Temari. It becomes crystal clear to Sakura then that Temari cares nothing of her plight. Maybe, in the past, this same occurrence has happened with a spy who took up Sakura's face.

"Obviously," Sakura begins with Temari. "The brother I've spent more time with."

Temari simply nods before turning her eyes away from Sakura and back in front of her.

"I see," Temari speaks.

Sakura sighs once again and sinks lower into her chair while her eyes turn towards the door in her room.

"That's the impression I get anyway. Even if he is avoiding me now."

Temari shuffles lightly on her feet after the rosette's words, a motion Sakura catches easily, and Temari even swallows hard while still staring at nothing.

"Gaara-sama has reason right now."

Temari's words make Sakura's ears twitch and she raises her back while watching Temari.

"Reason?" Sakura asks.

In reality, Sakura welcomed the distant space Gaara had suddenly pushed between them. The awkwardness and uncomfortable situation he had set days prior had made Sakura want nothing to do with the young man for some time. Yet, when he had beckoned Temari and gone his own way back to his room, Sakura had wondered if the whole situation had shook and rocked him just as much her. After all, he looked almost out of mind with his obvious hints and attempts at drawing near to her yo only regain some composure towards the end.

To her forward question, Temari only shakes her head, revealing that she can speak only vaguely. Whatever it is he hides now, Temari has been sworn not to reveal.

"He is busy with ending this fighting," is all Temari offers Sakura.

Sakura sighs to this, resting her head against hand. The reality of the situation isn't lost to her. She knows where Gaara is, she knows he would make time if she asked for it, she knows she should be drawing close to him and convincing him this fighting needs to end. Even if the redhead has put her in a crude position with his presses, Sakura does not move from her spot for a different reason.

"Sakura-sama," Temari calls again, earning the rosette's eyes before she continues. "You look tired. More so these past few days. Are you feeling unwell?"

Sakura shakes her head and sighs once more as she dwells on Temari's words. She would never admit, not even to herself, but the blonde's words are true. Sakura feels more fatigue today then in a long time. Yet, despite the constant threat on her own body, the seal on her back and her chakra slowly draining, Sakura puts blame on Gaara, and the stress he brings, instead.

"I'm fine," she tells Temari with a grind of her teeth.

Temari nods, eyes returning out in front of her. Silence follows, and Sakura can't help but stare at the blonde as minutes tick by. As distant as her eyes seem, Sakura can't help but wonder what it is Temari thinks as she stares at the nothing in front of her. Gaara had mentioned to her before that entertainment here was scarce and Sakura is beginning to realize this as she stares at Temari's blank features.

'What more can I do here?' Sakura thinks.

The answer is obvious. She should be with Gaara and trying to stop this war, or she should be searching for a way home. Frequent as ever, she sighs again at the thoughts. Instead of dwelling on all that she isn't doing, she speaks to the blonde.

"What goes through your mind on a boring day such as this?" Sakura asks.

Temari doesn't move and instead keeps her eyes out in front of her despite Sakura's call to her.

"I just stand here to serve you, and Gaara-sama, as you both please," Temari answers.

Sakura grimaces before her bored expression returns. So much fight was in her world's Temari, that the one in front of her now could be easily cast aside by Sakura. Alas, as that thought comes to Sakura so too does the little, mischievous girl, and any thought of disregarding the blonde woman aches Sakura's heart.

"Your mind has to go somewhere else," Sakura presses.

Temari lifts an eyebrow towards Sakura and steals a quick gaze at her before eyes face the front again. It's almost as if she scans to see if Sakura is testing her, to be able to reveal much might mean discipline later. It's something Sakura notices as well and she grins before pressing Temari more.

"Come on," Sakura speaks. "You can tell me."

Temari sighs and downcast her eyes before bringing them back up.

"I'm thinking about my brother," she practically whispers, eyes narrowing towards the door in the room.

"Which?" Sakura asks.

As Temari turns those angry eyes towards Sakura, the rosette can't help but grin.

"You have two, remember?" Sakura says with a quick lift of her eyebrows.

Temari turns her head to hide her eye roll before continuing.

"Kankuro," she answers. "I'm thinking about him."

Sakura nods as her eyes scour the floor. It takes her moments like this to remember, but wishing for Kankuro's safe return doesn't ever leave her heart. She imagines the feeling a hundred times greater in Temari's own body.

"No word from him?" Sakura asks.

Temari shakes her head, swallowing hard once more.

"The fight up north is a big one. We've been at it for almost half a year now. What time Kankuro has is probably spent focusing on the battle, not messages."

Sakura nods, clasping her hands together and staring at her hands for some time.

"I worry about him too," she mumbles. "Perhaps, we could go pay him a visit."

Sakura grins as she hears Temari's small, light chortle, and the blonde woman even cocks her head and closes her eyes as the humor builds. Yet, she shakes her head as well.

"If you were wanting to leave this island, you should have never come here in the first place," Temari comments

Sakura's eyes return to the floor, but she still wears a smile; proud to have at least made the hard woman smile some.

"If I wanted to leave," Sakura tells her instead. "I'd be already gone from here."

Temari says nothing, but Sakura narrows her eyes in the direction of Gaara's room. It's a reminder, once again, for Sakura that there is a job at hand.

"I'm sure Kankuro will be back soon," Temari adds, ignoring Sakura's words. "He definitely will."

Sakura blinks, thinking hard. Though it's common to be worried for a comrade, and hopeful in their safe return, they are taught diligently beginning at a young age to think realistically in scenarios such as this. People will die, they are told as kids. You will lose friends in fighting, they read in books. Be mindful that your goodbyes may be your last, Iruka had told them once in class. She wonders, if it was the same teachings for Temari, since she holds on to her brother's return strongly.

"How are you sure?" Sakura asks, thinking of what friends of hers Kankuro may be fighting against.

She watches Temari narrow her eyes as she tightens her hands, forming a fist.

"He is my brother, he will return," is all Temari offers.

Sakura feels Temari's aura. A steadfast determination that she places on her brother Kankuro. It was no wonder she pushed for herself to go in his stead, for she is older sister watching out for younger brother. In a sense, it was almost cruel on Gaara's part to not heed his only sister's wish and instead send Kankuro away. Surely Gaara knew what sort of internal turmoil he was putting Temari through. Worst of all, who will Temari depend on were she to lose one of her rocks of a brother.

'Gaara did it to torture her like this,' Sakura angrily thinks. 'That, or he is so blind to his siblings and their feelings that he cared nothing of the two's feelings.'

She isn't sure which is worst, but both scenarios speak loudly on Gaara's, now odd, behavior. Either way, the message is clear.

'He doesn't give his own siblings two shits on how they feel or think,' Sakura thinks angrily.

Her eyes narrow more towards the door, and she is reminded how he avoids her now.

'He has no right...' she thinks. 'That asshole!'

Sakura picks herself up immediately. As the blood rushes from her head, the fatigue from earlier suddenly turns into dizziness. Yet, it goes away a second later, and Temari's eyes widen as Sakura begins storming towards the door.

"Sakura-sama?" Temari first asks.

Yet, the rosette keeps her mouth firmly shut as she storms out the door in direction for the room across the hall. Temari, seeing her determination, realizes Sakura's motive.

"Wait!" Temari panics. "Sakura-sama, wait!"

She races for the rosette, stopping just beside her as Sakura stops in front of Gaara's door.

"Sakura-sama, stop," Temari all but fiercely whispers to Sakura.

Her quiet, but firm, voice earns Sakura's angry eyes and she looks at Temari skeptically and angrily.

"Why?!" Sakura barks.

Temari shrinks lightly to Sakura's loud voice and even eyes Gaara's door before looking back at Sakura with pleading, jade orbs.

"Please," Temari begins, whispering again. "Let Gaara-sama rest."

Sakura chews on her lip.

"No," she answers Temari, reaching for the doorknob.

She is stopped, surprisingly, by Temari's own grip. The hold Temari has on Sakura at first is gentle, but begins to tighten when Sakura pulls away. Angry eyes meet angry eyes, and Temari shakes her head.

"Don't," she mouths almost threateningly.

Sakura opens her mouth to ask again why the reason is, but stops once she spots Temari's eyes widen and her head crook in the direction of Gaara's room. Her eyes scan for a moment before Gaara's voice is heard through the other side.

"Let her in if that's what she wants, Temari," he can be heard saying.

'Seriously?!' Sakura thinks as Temari lets her hand go. 'This is all it took?! He was avoiding me while Temari kept me away, but cares less if I just barge in on him?!'

Sakura huffs lightly, reaching once again for the door. Yet, before she even takes a hold of the frame there a faint click from the knob before the door slowly creaks open. Sakura steps back at first, expecting to meet Gaara's face at any moment. Instead, she is only given darkness and the wooden frame remaining slightly open for her.

Skeptical at first, Sakura lingers back and next to Temari. Yet, when she recalls what drove her in the first place, she reaches to open the door more. As she does this, the dark room illuminates a little more, and Sakura watches as a line of grains slither from the door back to the bed in the room. Laying on top of that bed, with his back turned to them, is none other than the redhead himself. He curls into himself more as the grains of sand slither around his fetal position. Anger drove her here, but now curiosity envelops her as she takes a small step into the room all the while staring at Gaara's lying form.

It's only a few steps in before something crunches under Sakura's feet. As she looks down, her eyes widen once she realizes the entire rooms floor is littered with papers, scrolls and documents. To the side of her is a tall shelf, covering the entire wall with cubicles. Inside each square is an assortment of antique-looking teakettles. To the bedrooms messiness, Sakura takes another small step back.

"What the hell is all this?" she whispers to herself.

She turns towards the tea kettles, stepping closer to inspect each one. Yet, she is stopped as sand wraps around her waist instead.

"Stay if you like," Gaara speaks again, never moving from his spot, "but don't touching anything."

A heavy breath, almost like a sigh, leaves him then. Sakura, again, only stares. Bewildered by the rooms appearance, she remains quiet while her eyes scour the floor and tea sets. Despite Gaara's wishes, Sakura continues to let her eyes scan and try to catch that little detail Gaara wishes to hide from her. In time, the sand around her tightens, and like rope, begins to drag her towards Gaara.

"Get off," Sakura scowls at the sand, trying to grab and pull it off of her once it brings her in front of Gaara.

From her body does it slither away, wrapping its rope-like self instead around Gaara's waist and continues to move around him like a snake. Sakura stares down, angry eyes, at Gaara as he lays in his bed. With darkness in the entire room, it takes her a moment to see, but eventually she spots his eyes. He looks past her, his mouth open as be breathes in slowly. He hides an arm under his body, and if Sakura stares long enough, she feels there is something off about his arm. For a moment, as he stares blankly at nothing, it reminds Sakura of a sick person.

"What's wrong?" Sakura asks him, unsure if she is more curious of the situation or his genuine well-being.

Her voice makes him swallow and he forced himself to look up at her before sighing and closing his eyes.

"Sakura," he speaks, a small smile forming. "Do I worry you?"

Sakura clicks her tongue, annoyed. Of course his arrogant self would warp this scenario.

"I asked you, what's wrong?" Sakura speaks again.

"I'm tired," he answers with a passing emotion.

Sakura is quiet while she stares down at Gaara. She's heard his peace, and would probably sympathize with him were he another man.

But he's not.

"Tired from what?" Sakura snaps back with narrow eyes.

A world of war revolves around the island, them more specifically, while they simply stand back to watch the fighting. She finds his words untrue, but still casts him a somewhat concerned look. For his distant gaze now reminds her of patients in the past. She isn't surprised by the following silence. Instead, she studies Gaara's greasy, unruly hair. His smell isn't a bad one, but not of a good one either. He smells of body grease, and the faintest stench of ocean holds onto familiar clothes from days prior.

'He hasn't changed his clothes...' Sakura thinks, eyes scanning him once more over. 'He hasn't washed himself.'

This time, instead of pressing for an answer, Sakura casually leans herself at the edge of his bed. Her eyes settle on him, but his eyes do not the same for her. Instead, they are distant; staring out at beautiful sunset, cloaked over in shades of black velvet that shadow the room by hiding the windows.

'Depression?' Sakura wonders.

Gaara sighs once more and on top of him still is the snake-like grains and lace around his frame. Once again, Sakura's eyes scan the many papers in his room before falling back to the tea kettles behind her.

'Why?' she wonders. 'Is he just messy? He has no time to tend to his room? Something else...He's hoarding? Maybe afraid to throw something important out. What would be important?'

Sakura's eyes widen and as she casts her eyes back at Gaara, her eyes narrow.

'Is he looking for an important document?' she wonders. 'Something the rebels have that he is after?'

Behind her, Sakura hears the faintest shuffle of feet. Turning her eyes back, she grows curious as Temari stands on her toes, trying to peer over towards a laying Gaara without stepping foot into his room. The blonde doesn't even notice the rosette's eyes on her, but instead is silently trying to understand her brother's current plight by keeping her eyes entirely on him.

'She's worried about him...' Sakura silently understands. 'Sister's duty to the one who would strike her down depending on what mood he is in.'

Sakura bites her lip to the thought, still wondering where this cruel man stemmed from.

'Not me,' she continues to tell herself.

'But then,' something else whispers in her mind, a voice Sakura does not recognize. 'You must realize you were his anchor.'

'His anchor?' Sakura thinks.

'Yes,' her mind whispers back. 'An anchor snatched away from a little boy with trust, anger, and abandonment issues. He had nothing to hold onto these last fifteen years, lost in a sea of despair.'

Sakura grips the bed under hard until her knuckles pale and shake. Denial had kept her strong thus far, but as reality continues to follow her, Sakura is beginning to feel the heavy blows her mind is trying to reach her with while her heart continues to argue against it. She grinds her teeth as she silences her mind with a quick retreat.

'I will not blame myself for all of this!'

"What's wrong, Sakura?"

Sakura gasps, brought back into reality by Gaara's concerned voice. She lets that air back out with a heavy breath before her eyes shake while turning towards Gaara's gaze. Her heart bangs against her chest when she spots his concerned eyes. It shakes her wondering how he can hold such caring eyes towards her while forsaking the world around him. It makes her wonder, as well, and even concerns her slightly at her next thought.

'How did I manage to garner such a look like that from him? All I did was show a child to trust others and be kind to those close to him. I showed this child the simplest of what love is. How is it I've garnered such feelings from him when he would let the rest of the world burn?!'

She isn't sure what it is that makes her suddenly lose those questions in her mind. Perhaps, from Gaara's loud snap towards Temari, beckoning her quickly over while he reaches for Sakura, calling out her name. Perhaps, it's from her own loud breathing, her sudden skull-throbbing headache, that makes her whimper slightly. Whatever reason, all she remembers from sitting on Gaara's bed, to this point now, is having Gaara hold her head gently up while Temari holds a towel against her lips.

She watches their mouths move. They are muffled calls in her ears, but she knows they speak loudly towards her as the air vibrates with their calls. Gaara shakes her head lightly and Temari's next call comes out a little more clearly.

"Spit it up!"

Gaara's voice comes next, clear in her ears.

"Sakura," he speaks a little more calmly, "don't swallow. Spit."

It is then, she realizes, she is not breathing. Yet, instead of taking that inward gasp Gaara warns her about, she does what they each tell her. She sputters lightly at first, but opens her mouth slowly to let a small pool of saliva and blood slide out of her mouth and trail down her lips onto the towel Temari holds.

"Good, Sakura. Good," Gaara can be heard saying.

Temari catches what she can in the towel she holds onto before backing away as Sakura gasps for air. Sliding from Gaara's hold, she falls onto the floor while coughing and sputtering. Gaara jumps down to her side immediately.

"Sakura!" he calls to her. "Are you alright?"

When Sakura's answers are only gagging coughs, Gaara turns his attention back at Temari with an order following.

"Bring her some water!"

As the blonde woman nods and races by him, he hollers at her.

"Quickly!"

Though her coughs are slowing, and stifling their cracking loudness, Gaara gently pats at her back while leaning close to her.

"Are you alright now?" he asks.

This time, Sakura is able to answer with a nod before she swallows some spit back. Her eyes wince at the iron taste.

'Blood,' she thinks.

The seal on her back suddenly comes to mind and Chiyo's words echo in her thoughts.

"Think of it like a poison. Wont know until it's too late."

Sakura's fingers slide against papers and wooden floor as her grip tightens.

'Not this soon,' she tells herself. 'It can't be affecting me yet!'

"Sakura," Gaara's voice is heard once again. "That was a lot of blood. Do you have a wound I'm not aware of? Perhaps when we fought I-!"

Sakura cuts Gaara off with a shake of her head. She narrows her eyes and rolls her lips back before forcing a hoarse whisper.

"I bit my cheek," Sakura offers him instead.

"Your cheek? that much?!" Gaara cries back in disbelief.

Yet, both their ears fall to the quick footsteps that race back into the room. Soon enough, Temari is in front of Sakura offering her a cup of water.

"Sakura-sama," Temari beckons, offering to hold the cup herself.

Sakura doesn't argue with Temari, but instead drinks what she can, and clears her throat of spit and blood. As her breaths calm, she whispers.

"Thank you, Temari."

Silence follows, and the moment Temari offers Sakura another drink that the rosette refuses is the same moment Gaara snaps at Temari.

"Out," he tells the blonde. "No one is to disturb us."

A quick reply and nod from Temari before she shuts the door of Gaara's room.

"Hai, my lord!"

Gaara's eyes move quickly back to Sakura and he begins to help her up on her feet.

"Lay," he whispers. "You'll feel better if you lay."

Despite the filth Sakura claimed Gaara's bed to carry, she is obedient in his request and lays herself flat on her back while taking in deep breaths.

'It's weird,' Sakura thinks as she lays. 'I actually don't feel so tired.'

She knows better than to jump out of bed right away and claim that all is well, instead her eyes shut more once she feels Gaara's dark gaze watching her closely. Soon enough, the question she dreads appears from the redhead's mouth.

"Your expertise is medical. I read so in Rasa's papers. It made all the more logical sense to me when I recollected the lives you saved, and attempted to save, while you cared for me."

Sakura sighs before he continues.

"So, why then-"

"Stressed," Sakura comments.

She can practically feel Gaara glaring at her and she knows her little lie can become undone the moment Gaara wishes to.

"A lot of blood for a cut," he comments. "Seemed more like an internal injury if you ask me."

Sakura narrows her eyes more.

"Which I didn't. I am fine," she mouths every words, trying to aim the hint at Gaara. "I'd fix myself up better, but just..."

She pauses and swallows, thinking hard.

"Just stressed?" Gaara asks.

Now, she knows Gaara and her are smart enough to realize that Sakura speaks vague. Yet, to Gaara's words, Sakura can't help but pick herself lightly up and stare at the young man. His eyes are cast entirely on her, but his look now, his words too, tell Sakura he is willing to put up with her words now. Perhaps, he trusts her enough to know when to respect some of her privacy. That, or he wishes not to wear her down anymore. If he wants the truth, he will grab a hold of it later.

So, to her nod, he only nods back.

"Rest then," he tells her, his own eyes narrowing towards the window.

A silence begins, but it is cut off by Sakura.

"And you?" she asks.

Gaara looks back at her, face blank.

"I'm simply tired."

That's it then, Sakura realizes. Yet, for Gaara, her understanding to his plight is much more simpler to figure out. He may be quiet, but Sakura can see through his tired, anxious eyes now. Even Temari, who begged Sakura to leave him be, has given her a clue that Gaara acts this way routinely. Distant, cold, locked away in his room. The traits may define him now, but to stray away from Sakura herself tells her this solitude is sought more than once in a while.

"How long have you felt this way?" Sakura asks.

Gaara's eyes sweep towards Sakura, and in his angry gaze is a realization that Sakura can figure him out easily like in his younger years. The irony of that idea makes his eyes shrink more.

"Tch," he clicks his tongue. "As my goal approaches, the less of this feeling I wake up to."

'Depression,' Sakura puts a name on it.

Thinking back on the child, she recalled days where the child wanted nothing with no one. In her world, the Gaara of now cannot afford such a day or feeling. This Gaara, in front of her, hides nothing as the bags under his eyes darken.

'Because of me?' Sakura wonders. 'All these years I was gone probably didn't help him to overcome those sad feelings. I was his-'

'Anchor,' something else echoes in her mind.

"Sakura," Gaara calls for her attention.

Gaara begins to shake his head as she looks at him.

"Do I worry you?"

An arrogant question, but one Sakura can't help but feel Gaara asks to solidify some meaning in his life. He wants to worry people, he wants people to think for sake. He wants that-

'Friend,' Sakura thinks.

Sakura merely returns that blank stare, and as angry as she is for this young man. He shows her general concern, shows her the side of him she knew when he was a child. She can't push herself to shatter him anymore at this moment.

"I worry for your sake as much as you do mine now," Sakura answers.

Her eyes turn away just as his smile begins to grow. She can't root her eyes onto that look lest she regret where her heart has spoken.

"There is medicines for that though, You can-" Sakura tries to speak instead.

"You think of me as someone who doesn't know how to be in good health," Gaara murmurs, hanging his head on his shoulder while he stares at the rosette. "I am more than alright."

He taps his head lightly, three times, just to relay to Sakura that he understands she speaks of his mental state. Sakura merely frowns, eyes falling across Gaara's frame. As her eyes fall back to the hand he is trying to conceal with his body, Sakura looks back up at him

"What's with your arm then?" she asks, nodding her head towards.

Gaara may just regret her presence, for he sighs irritably at her question. Yet, as he looks out in front of him, eyes blinking, a small smile forms on him as a plan brews and it is a giant grin by the time he looks back at Sakura.

"Care for a stroll?"

His question is met with her grimace, looking back out towards the window, Sakura can tell that the sunset is now gone and instead the sky is painted black. Not to mention, his attraction towards her is still up in the air, and she isn't so sure how well he can control his emotions.

"It's late," Sakura comments, pushing herself off from Gaara's bed. "I should freshen up and head to bed."

Yet, Gaara's next words catch her interest enough so where she can't refuse him. It reminds her, and him, once again, that this is all just some mental game the two go at with one another. In this instance, Gaara has won. Mentally, he licks his lips at Sakura's quick agreement, and can't help but quiver at what may be in store for this night.

"That's too bad," he tells her. "I was wondering if I could get your opinion on this."

As he asks this, he brings out his hand and arm. He holds it out for Sakura to see the claw-like appendage, and instead of pale flesh, the arm is laced with dark markings the threaten to overtake the entire arm. It's too much curiosity for Sakura not to follow, and her eyes stay entirely focused on the arm he sways in front of her like a treat to a hungry dog.

Even if she is silent staring at his arm, her eyes agree to follow where he leads and he grins as Sakura's eyes stay settled hungrily on his arm.

"Good girl," Gaara whispers to himself.