My Youth Romantic Comedy is a Catastrophe, as I Expected


Foreword- It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm Mayflower Productions, by the way, introducing the second installment of Catastrophe. I know you're all wondering what took so long, and the only explanation I can give is that Infinite Loner eats up a lot of time. Also, I never knew how hard it was to start from scratch, until now, as my last project had a long development cycle. As for the length of this chapter, it's the best I can do for now. I hope everyone will continue reading in the future when I have a bit more momentum. I don't want to waste too much time so... Welcome to Catastrophe Chapter 2: Unexpected Developments Come His Way.

Catastrophe- POV shift, line break "Wait up!"- Dialogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu, Nekopara, or any other intellectual properties that may appear in this story. Please don't sue me.


Chapter 2: Unexpected Developments Come His Way

"*sneeze*!" Sometimes in life, the unexpected occurs: winning the lottery, landing that dream job, having those unrequited feelings returned; many people would label those events as surprising or something that causes unexpected shock or astonishment and break out into hysterical laughter. Why am I discussing such a topic? My current situation can be defined as "surprising," but I feel nothing but dread. I'm a creature of habit who doesn't appreciate any life changes. I speak from experience when I say that my "surprises" usually leave me worse for wear. For example, the unexpected appearance of Limousine-chan during my high school debut or my sudden separation from my sister, those two changes were not joyful in the slightest. Sadly, I can't live in a static universe, the world doesn't work like that, and I have to adjust; after all, "If the world changes you, it's all over.". Forcing me to deal with this "surprise" before it can get the jump on me. As an experienced loner, I've learned to not fall for the same trick twice.

"*rustle.*." And here we have the newest point of contention, the mysterious package; in a rare act of sympathy, I decided to pick the box off of the street and brought it inside. I had been so busy analyzing the Minazuki household that I overlooked its presence. For some reason, I have the sneaking suspicion that the box's contents are nothing but trouble, but I could be wrong. My intuition isn't the best for these things.

"*sigh* I don't have a good feeling about that box." I groaned as I laid my head on the table before me. I didn't care if it was poor manners, as, for the time being, I was a permanent guest. Besides, I was around "family," so there's no point in pretending to be someone I'm not. They have the honor of seeing the real Hikigaya Hachiman... is what I would say if I had a massive ego.

"Not even five minutes in, and you're complaining," Shigure remarked as she peered over my slumped form. You know what, I won't stand... up because I'm so exhausted. I don't even have the energy to argue with her. It seems that the novelty of my situation caught up with me, and my energy reserves collapsed.

"Need Max... so tired," I grumbled while attempting to grab the canned beverage I purchased earlier. Just like clockwork, right before dinner, my body crashes, and I look for my favorite drink... Hold on, am I addicted to Georgia Max Coffee? Hah, hah, hah, what an amusing thought.

"You drink this stuff, Hachi-nyan?" Azuki picked up the can and quizzically gestured to it.

"Yes, give it to me, Minazuki-san." I nodded my head in affirmation and reached for her hands.

"No, Hachi-nyan, I won't give this to you until you call me Azuki." And she pulled the can away. No, my Max!

"Why?"

"One, we all have the same name, and two, our relationship is that of family. You don't have to act all distant with us, Hachi-nyan. We're here for you."

"Ok, Azuki, I'll do whatever you say, just give me the Max." I accepted her request and continued reaching for the can.

"Well, if you understand." And she tossed it into my grasp. Yes, the goods have been secured, mission accomplished.

"*rustle*." As I began enjoying the godly beverage, the box shuffled, catching my attention, yet again. Whatever is inside must be restless; maybe it could be some kittens..? Why does that sound like a flag?

"What's in the box, Hachiman? Is it a catgirl? I've always wanted to be a big sister." Coconut squeals in delight. It looks like someone is an eager beaver. Wait, new younger siblings? I'm no biologist, but I don't believe people like Coconut and regular cats are directly related. If anything, catgirls result from splicing cat DNA into human embryos, giving them a distant association with felines, at best. However, she might be implying an emotionally-driven relationship, like how some people see their dog as an extra member of the family. Even from that perspective, Coconut's enthusiasm seems highly suspicious, almost as if I'm missing something important.

*sigh* Maybe I'm just worrying about nothing, "I don't know what it is. I found it outside on my way here. Have at it, Coconut." After giving my consent, Coconut enthusiastically opened the box...

"Meow~." And its contents shocked everyone present, including me. For there was a pair of catgirls lying inside, looking not much older than toddlers. The two were virtually identical with shoulder-length hair, dirtied appearance, and an apprehensive gaze. The only distinguishing trait between them was the hair and eye color, with one being dark brown and scarlet and the other snow-white and cerulean... Ok, if I'm not mistaken, young animals imprint the first face they see as a parental figure, and if I don't look at them, everything will be fine. All I have to do is walk away...

"Meow~?" Nooo, they've locked onto me. I can't escape. Now the question is, how do I get myself out of this?

"Oh, the kittens have seen to take a liking to Hachiman," Kashou noted as he observed my tenuous situation.

"I think they've gotten the wrong person." I tried denying any responsibility for the kittens. I'm just a wisecracking, good-looking, charismatic high-school student, not some nanny. Ok, maybe not the third, but the point still stands. I can't swap job classes so late in the game. Wait, high school... I have classes tomorrow! I seriously don't have the time for a plot twist right now.

"How bold Hachi-chan, already being a high school parent." Cinnamon teased while lightly tapping my arm. As for its effect... I would give it a 2/10 on the Hachiman scale. That may have caught others off-guard, but it won't work on me. I built up my emotional wall throughout my middle school career. Nothing phases me anymore...

"Hachi-chan?" The darker twin asked while slightly tilting her head. The moe... so strong... I can barely resist. It's approaching Komachi levels of cuteness. How could this be?

"Shigure, there's something wrong with Hachiman. I think he's about to crack." Maple commented as I reeled back in shock from the moe explosion.

"Oh, don't worry, he's fine... sadly."

"Hey, I heard that slight against me. I'll have you know that my composure is world-class."

"World-class?" And the lighter twin went for the knockout punch! Will Hachiman make it out of this one?

"Too much moe..." I wasn't expecting the right hook immediately after the left. I couldn't muster a solid enough defense as I doubled over in defeat. *sigh* It's only day one, and I want to leave. Whatever happened to my hopes of normal high school life? I also miss Komachi since she never weaponized her cuteness... too much.

"So even the great Hachi-nyan has his limits, huh?" Azuki tried echoing the earlier teasing.

"Shut up." It was ineffective, more so than Cinnamon, 1/10.

"I have an idea to solve this predicament; we'll seize custody of Hachiman's kids and make them Minazuki catgirls instead," Shigure concluded. If you want to deal with this problem, go ahead. I don't have the energy to spend on raising children. I'm not a former criminal trying to reform themself, just a boy looking to live out a quiet life.

"Whatever, you guys just solve this problem; I'm tired and have school tomorrow, so I'll start looking for my room now. Good night." I lurched from my slumped position and waved off the storm of calamity. Maybe decent sleep can bring some order to my turbulent high school career: I was hit by a limousine while saving an airheaded girl's dog, spent a month in the hospital unconscious, woke up in a hospital to learn that my family banished me, forced into accepting the existence of catgirls, and found an unexpected package. My life almost reads like my worst fear... a Rom-com. All that's missing is a potential love interest.

Catastrophe

"Sneeze!"

"I know you're excited about being a class rep, onee-chan, but aren't you a little too enthusiastic? You don't need to memorize the entire class roster."

"You don't understand Hikari, if I don't give my position the attention it deserves, I would have let everyone who voted for me down."

"*sigh* If only were this motivated out in public."

"Hikari there is a clear difference between school matters, and... the outside. You just don't understand how scary that surveillance system is. Wherever you go, it's watching, almost staring into your soul."

"Ok, onee-chan, spare me the lecture about your issues with visiting the supermarket. I'm not interested."

"It still seems you've got a long way to go Hikari, but don't worry you'll eventually get where I'm coming from. Now let's see, Hikigaya Hachiman... Hmm..."

"Something wrong, onee-chan?"

"Yeah, it's almost a month into the year, and I've never seen this person."

"Maybe you just don't remember meeting Hikigaya. A lot of students do attend Sobu after all."

"No, no, no. I actually have a pretty good memory. How do you think I avoid those cameras when I go shopping?"

"*sigh* Again, onee-chan, you're wasting strengths onto the wrong issues."

"In any case, Hikigaya-kun's absence for this long is suspicious. What kind of person misses over a month of school?"

Catastrophe

*shiver* I just felt a cold breeze overcome me, almost as if it's a sign of another troublesome day ahead of me. Yet I'm wary to trust such a superstitious act, as my intuition is notoriously bad, and I'm a man of logic, not fickle feelings... *yawn* I really am exhausted. Please, Komachi, take your onii-chan back. My new life with catgirls is a catastrophe, and I have to come up with an introduction for tomorrow. Curse you, Rom-com gods!


Author's Note- Now let's get down to business with chapter 2 and my greater plans for this story. You all may be surprised to see the Sakurada siblings appear, but I have my reasons. I felt that a straight crossover between Oregairu and Nekopara would be somewhat lacking, especially during Hachiman's first year, so I searched for a third franchise to prop up this story. I stumbled upon the Castle Town Dandelion anime and started watching. It immediately captured my interest and reinvigorated my motivation for Catastrophe. Long story short it's here to stay, and I think it's an exciting addition. As for the story's upcoming plot, it's going to be a wild ride that combines all three component franchises. The tone from what you can gather is a lot more lighthearted than the prologue and represents my goal for future chapters. Don't get me wrong, there will be serious moments, but don't expect too many. I hope everyone will stick around through its completion. If you didn't know I have another story, and if you like Catastrophe you may want to check Infinite Loner since it also stars Hikigaya Hachiman in a unique environment. Well, share your opinion about my writing with the review, Happy New Year, and until next time, I'm Mayflower Productions, thank you for reading Catastrophe, and I'll catch you on the flipside.


Preview:

"Hachi-chan, school starts soon. You may want to wake up now."

"It's fine, heroes are always fashionably late..."

"Onee-chan, everyone's going to leave without you."

"No, not the cameras. Please don't look..."

"Oh no, I'm going to be late on my first day back. That's bad since tardiness would ruin my plans at becoming a background character. First impressions do last a lifetime, after all."

"Geez, why didn't Hikari force me out of bed? Now I have to deal with, with... the cameras. Eep!"

"And look at that, a fellow slacker trying to beat the morning bell. How admirable. She even has a piece of toast in her mouth. Wait... Oh no. I just can't escape these Rom-com cliches no matter how much I try. Ok, Hachiman, all you need to do is run past her and avoid eye contact... avoid eye contact..."

"Please help me! I don't want those cameras watching me."

"No, go bother someone else... Hold on, why are you grabbing onto my sleeve?"

"Where's your sense of chivalry? Can't you see when a fair maiden requires some assistance?"

"Unfortunately, ojou-san, I do not observe the outdated practice of chivalry. I am instead an advocate for true gender equality, so would you kindly let go? It's every slacker for themself. You're slowing me down, and I cannot be late today."

"Hey, stop fighting, I don't want to be left behind!"

"Then leave me alone!"

"Nooo!"

"Next time on Catastrophe: Chapter 3: His Efforts Had Unintended Consequences."

"So this is our grand introduction Hikigaya-kun. You know, it's fitting how we both wound up late that morning."

"If it wasn't for your clamping on to me, I would have barely made it on time. But no, you just couldn't leave me alone, Sakurada, and you somehow got out of Sensei's punishment."

"Hah, hah, hah. What are you saying Hikigaya-kun, I suffered with you in spirit."

"Just thinking about that Terminating whatever makes me feel sore... And you would please stop holding onto my sleeve? We're out in public. People might misunderstand our relationship."

"Nope, if I do that you'll leave me behind, and I don't want that. Can't you see all those cameras up ahead?"

"*sigh* All this suffering just from saving a dog... My life is so wrong."


Chapter End