My Youth Romantic Comedy is a Catastrophe, as I Expected


Foreword- New year, new me... more like, New year, new chapter. Ok, I'll cut my joke short. Hello, I'm Mayflower Productions back with another installment of Catastrophe. I know many of you didn't expect an update so soon, but I've been feeling unusually motivated as of late and found the time to write this. As for my other story... still in development hell, so... let's talk about Hachiman, yeah? His high school life wasn't going as smoothly as he expected, and that holds true in this chapter. Sadly, there's not much catgirl action today, but they'll return eventually. Now on with the show... Catastrophe Chapter 3: His Efforts Had Unintended Consequences.

Catastrophe- POV shift, line break "I am the Blade..."- dialogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu, Nekopara, Joukamachi no Dandelion, or any other intellectual properties that may appear in this story. Please don't sue me.


Chapter 3: His Efforts Had Unintended Consequences

"Hachi-chan, school starts soon. You may want to wake up." A soft voice whispers in my ear, attempting to rouse me out of my slumber. I felt restless in my new room and struggled to fall asleep. My mind wouldn't rest with the day's events constantly replaying; catgirls were real and I found a pair, I could not cope with such a reality. And then there was my high school debut... and that accursed introduction. A month ago, I was excited for such a prospect, an opportunity to write a new chapter in the tale of Hikigaya Hachiman, but those feelings died thanks to Limousine-chan and Mutt-kun. Now I'm overcome with bitter resignation and apathy, less for going to school but more for the effort coming up with a good plan of action; I know with the right words I can ride out my high school career quietly, but that requires work, and I stand by the motto of "to work, is to lose."... well at least most of the time. But if I do nothing, my misfortune from last year will just carry over.

"It's fine... heroes are always fashionably late..." I drowsily mumbled, trying to gain five extra minutes of sleep. There just isn't enough time in the day for me to find the ideal introduction. Besides, whatever I come up with would be memorable since I'm the only one who has to go today.

"Ok, Hachi-chan, I'll give you a bit longer, but be warned... I may be unable to control myself if you don't wake up soon." The voice returned, this time, louder and in a more sensual tone. It's like the person was sitting right beside me, smiling over my sleeping form.

"..." Her efforts failed to drag me from my bed, and instead, only further motivated me to continue sleeping. *sigh* If you're going to act like a possessive girlfriend, Cinnamon, I'm not getting up any time soon.

Catastrophe

Psychologists say that dreams reflect your innermost thoughts and that you can't escape them no matter how much you try. I'm not one to hold such a bleak view, but I guess there's always room for exceptions. I naively thought I could outrun my greatest fear, but I was sorely mistaken. It crept closer with each passing moment, its massive lens focused in closer on me, broadcasting its image across the entire world. I was never one for popularity, but this monster took things too far. I don't want to be marketed worldwide! Chiba's bad enough...

"Onee-chan, wake up, or everyone's going to leave without you." I felt a jerking sensation pull me away from my bleak situation, accompanied by a nagging voice.

"No, not the cameras. Please don't look." From the outside, I muttered, trying to gain a few extra moments of rest. However inside, the monster was too strong and dragged me away from salvation, but I didn't give up. If I could stand up for myself now, I could finally overcome my weakness and become a stronger person in the process. Maybe I could make friends outside of family, too. I attempted to resist its cold gaze but buckled at the sudden appearance of an army of reporters. Why are there more! "I'm not interested in any interviews..."

"*sigh* I tried, but if you're not interested, I won't stop you, onee-chan." Wait, that voice from before is back, and it sounds familiar... almost like my younger sister, Hikari. It's probably just a coincidence, though.

Catastrophe

Walking down a familiar street devoid of traffic, I felt the gentle wind blow through my black hair. "We meet again, Debut-chan, but this time I'm coming out on top," I mumbled as I crested the hill before Soubu, my new high school. After a turbulent rise, I got ready for school and started looking for the front door. "Surely it shouldn't be too hard to find it, right?" I told myself at the time. Unsurprisingly that wasn't the case, and I spent 20 minutes searching after refusing Cinnamon's assistance. I didn't want to owe someone like her any favors. I barely had any time to eat breakfast and was forced to burst out the door, running at full speed while munching on a pastry. I'm glad that Kashou studied as a patisserie, or I would have starved.

Hold on, now's not the time to be thanking family; there are more pressing matters at play; classes started in 10 minutes, and at my pace, I'm cutting it close. Yet I can't panic, as I know for a fact that those Rom-com gods are waiting for the perfect opportunity to catch me off-guard. But too bad, I'm not squandering my chances at becoming a background character. And I see nothing that can stop me...

Catastrophe

"Geez, why didn't Hikari force me out of bed?" I complained as I ran towards Soubu. When I eventually woke up, everyone had left, and I had to fend for myself. I couldn't enjoy a relaxing meal and settled for eating a slice of toast on the run... Hold on, why does this scenario sound familiar; young girl oversleeps, hurries to school... My life can't be a shoujo manga, right? But if it was, I should hit the moment where I meet the love interest soon. Hah, hah, hah, there's no way something like that can...

All my thoughts slowed to a crawl once I saw it, with its hollow expression and zoom lens. This can't be happening, I scouted out this route just the other day, and none were here. Well, at least, nee-san can... she's not with me. Uh oh, I forgot, no one can back me up today.

"What do I do? What do I do?" I fretted to myself while hiding away from its watchful gaze. I can't run to school without passing them, but I don't want my every move recorded... It's too creepy. However, I'm running out of time, and it would be rude for me to arrive late. The class needs me now, and I can't let them down. Maybe someone can help me? There should at least be one person who overslept today...

"And look at that, a fellow slacker trying to beat the morning bell. How admirable. She even has a piece of toast in her mouth...," From the corner of my vision, I spotted someone else in a time crunch. His black blazer confirmed my suspicion that he was a potential classmate.

"Hold on, is that Shuu-chan?" He looked familiar with his raven-colored hair and tall build; the resemblance was so apparent that I mistook him for my older brother. Maybe Shuu-chan forgot something at home and was too lazy to use his "shortcut," I don't know? Whoever it is, if I hide behind them, I can make it to class on time without worrying about those pesky obstacles. I started moving towards my chance at salvation, "Oi!"

"Oh no, I just can't escape these Rom-com cliches no matter how hard I try... Ok, Hachiman, calm down. All you need to do is run past her and avoid eye contact... avoid eye contact." Recognizing my presence, the student sped up, attempting to hurry towards the cameras. Maybe he isn't Shuu-chan, but the resemblance is uncanny. If he just combed his hair, they'd look identical... Hold on, now's not the time to be daydreaming.

"Please help me!." I called towards the boy while elegantly weaving through the small blind spots in the camera's vision. This wouldn't be possible without all my years of practice. Let's go, me!

"No, go bother someone else." He exclaimed as his pace quickened to a run. Oh, think you can outmaneuver me, do you? Well, think again! I timed my action perfectly as I latched onto my target at the closest point of contact.

"Hold on, why are you grabbing onto my sleeve?" He questioned, shock lining his face as I hid behind his back.

"Where's your sense of chivalry? Can't you recognize when a fair maiden requires some assistance? All this effort wouldn't be necessary if you helped me out earlier, you know~?" I teased as we raced down the street. Now, this is great, not having to worry about that annoying surveillance system. If only I knew about this boy sooner, he could have helped me from the first day... Why does it feel like I'm forgetting about something very important?

"Unfortunately, ojou-san, I do not observe the outdated practice of chivalry. I am instead an advocate for true gender equality, so would you kindly let go of my sleeve? It's every slacker for themself. You're slowing me down, and I cannot be late today." He argued while trying to shake me off. Try all you want, potential classmate; I'm pretty confident in my grip strength, but...

"Hey, stop fighting. I don't want to be left behind!" I exclaimed as the boy continued pushing me away from him. Sure he couldn't loosen my grasp, but his efforts could slow us down. If he kept fighting, we might actually wind up late.

"Then leave me alone!" He complained.

"Nooo!" I shot back. I was not letting go at this point. Soubu was so close with only one row of cameras, separating us from the school... It looks like my earlier fears were misplaced, and we'll make it on time after all.

"*pant* I'm running out of steam." The boy's speed began slipping. Exhaustion was clearly getting to him... Wait, if he stops, and I can't proceed without him... we'll both be late.

"Fight on, fight on, don't give up, you can do it~. I believe in you!" I tried cheering him on for one last burst of energy.

"I really don't want to do this, but I can't be late, so..." The boy channeled his remaining strength into running past the last row of cameras and passing through the school's gate.

"Good job, we actually made it on time." I congratulated him as we stood outside my classroom, 1-A.

"Uh, that's the last time I oversleep before school... And you weren't any help either." He glared at me while catching his breath.

"I have no idea what you're implying." I feigned ignorance as I opened the room's door, and the boy followed me inside.

"At least..." He started speaking, but...

"Ding, dong!" The sound of the homeroom bell overshadowed him. Uh oh, we didn't actually make it in time. That's bad...

"I was wondering when you two would show up?" And waiting at the teacher's stand was a woman with long, black hair and a lab coat, discontent lining her face.

"Well, you see, Sensei, the weirdest thing happened this morning..." I sheepishly explained, scratching the back of my head.

"I won't punish you class-rep, but consider this a warning... Do not be late to my class again."

"Ok..." I understood her fierce gaze clearly, as I rushed to take my seat.

"Huh, what's going on here?" The boy stood confused at the room's door... Oh, I remember now, he's...

"Hikigaya Hachiman, I presume."

"That is my name."

"You've finally decided to join us nearly a month in..."

"Uh, I think think that's how a late introduction works, so... but seriously a lab-coat at her age, just what is this woman thinking?" He muttered an unflattering thought under his breath. Nooo, you just violated Sensei's number one rule.

"Well, I may as well introduce myself; I'm your homeroom teacher Hiratsuka Shizuka, and welcome to Class 1-A..." Hiratsuka-sensei drew back her fist, charging up her attack, and...

"Oh, that seems pretty... Uwah..." It struck the unsuspecting student, and the poor boy promptly collapsed on the ground.

"Where we have one rule... Don't make any slight against my age. Understand?"

"Noted..." How could I forget, Hikigaya Hachiman was the empty seat in front of me. Sometimes I'm such an airhead, teehee~.

Catastrophe

Note to self, do not, under any circumstances, make light of Hiratsuka-sensei's interests or marriage status. I had to remind myself that as I nursed my ailing side. *sigh* Why can't I catch a break these days, as first the catgirls and now this...

"And our left, we have the second-year classrooms." I was currently involved in a (not) voluntary tour after school. We passed most of Soubu's points of interest, including the athletic courts, auditorium, cafeteria, and special-use clubrooms; most of the stops had little use to me, being a loner and all, but the journey wasn't fruitless. As we passed the rear of the school near the tennis courts, I saw it... a future best place, a set of stairs with little to no traffic and access to the cool sea breeze. I can already see myself eating my lunch alone without a care in the world. It sounds like bliss, the ultimate loner dream. I would have spent more time testing the spot out, but I sadly had company with me.

"Geez~. Hikigaya-kun, are you even listening?" I turned to see the pouting face of Sakurada Akane, my seatmate and class rep of 1-A, her ruby eyes boring through my existence.

"No, I wasn't," I apathetically replied, my fish-eyes meeting her expectant gaze. I don't understand why she's trying so hard to show me around the school. It's not like I'll join any clubs or even make friends, for that matter; high school will be no different than before, I live in the shadows, and no one bothers me.

"You really are hopeless, Hikigaya-kun." Sakurada shrugged her shoulders and sighed.

"You know I'd feel a lot better if you let go of me." I tried steering the conversation away from the tour and towards my freedom.

"Fat chance, Hikigaya-kun. I know you'll run away the moment I let go." Sakurada exercised enough foresight of my 108 Loner Skills and maintained a firm grip on my sleeve, preventing my escape. Sure, I'm not the strongest person around, but it's odd how hard it is to pry her off... it's like supernatural factors are at play... I won't waste my time thinking about such ideas, as they obviously can't be true.

"Tch." I looked away and clicked my tongue in frustration. Even though Sakurada made the smart move by holding my sleeve, it didn't make me feel any less anxious. From the outside, our relationship could be misunderstood, as there was no rational explanation for her behavior. We were too close, I could catch a whiff of her fragrant shampoo, and notice the glossiness of her scarlet hair was while it was tied in thin twin-tails. This is bad, I don't want a repeat of middle school.

"Hey, what was that clicking for..? Do you seriously hate me that much?" Her mood darkened after seeing my annoyance, and her voice grew lifeless as she turned to look at me. Woah, what's the big idea, Sakurada? How did you jump from stranger to my girlfriend? It's like you fast-forwarded through your route, skipping all the meaningful scenes.

"Are you trying to be a yandere? Stop acting like that. We're not even friends, let alone in a relationship."

"Hikigaya-kun, how could you be so cruel? After all, we've been through." She shed crocodile tears and faked a hurt expression.

"Am I nothing but a game to you, Sakurada? That hurts my fragile feelings, you know~?" I couldn't help but return her cheeky tease, a small smirk lining my face.

"Hah, that's the spirit, Hikigaya-kun." She warmly laughed in response. Wait, isn't this the eventful high school life I wanted? I can't even remember the last time I felt so happy at school. Does this mean Sakurada is starting to grow on me..? No, no, no, she just momentarily caught me off-guard. Yeah, that's what going on. I'm still the same friendless loner from before. Nothing has changed.

Huh, Akane, is that you? Why are you laughing outside?" I heard a baritone voice call from the second-year classroom we stopped outside. If he's close to Sakurada, and I'm around... he might get the wrong idea. I need to make a getaway plan.

Catastrophe

"Huh, is that you, Shuu-chan?" I stopped laughing once I heard my older brother rustle inside the room. Oh, I forgot that he was in class 2-F.

"Why would Akane visit us?" That should mean Kana-chan is there too. I could introduce them to Hikigaya-kun.

"Wow, you really are here," Shuu-chan remarked once he made it outside with his classic blank stare... If I was unsure before, I was now certain that he and Hikigaya-kun looked similar, just without the calculating gaze.

"It better not be for another favor." Kana-chan followed soon after and sent a questioning look my way. Actually, with her mischievous look, she could look like his sister... Hmm. I wonder if Hikigaya-kun has any siblings?

"No, not this time. I actually have good news."

"Oh, what is it?"

"I'd like to introduce you to my classmate. I met him today."

"Uh, where is he?"

"He should be right next... No." I turned to my side and saw that there was no one there. He must have used my older siblings showing up as a chance to escape.

"Do you mean that boy running off into the distance?" Kana-chan pointed down the hallway to a black blur.

"...Yes." I sighed, disappointed in his behavior.

"It's great to see that you're making new friends, Akane," Shuu-chan drily commented. He humiliated me without any hesitation when I thought we had something special... Stupid, idiot, heartless, Hikigaya-kun!


Author's Note- I'll admit it now, this chapter really shouldn't exist right now. I guess I liked the last preview so much that it motivated me into writing a longer version, and wanted to start the new year strong. In all honesty, it was fun writing the frenetic pace of Akane's and Hachiman's morning misadventure. But I'm curious as to what you all think, am I leaning too much into the lightheartedness? For anyone familiar with my work, just know that Hachiman isn't the same as he is in Infinite Loner since Catastrophe takes place in a less turbulent middle school timeline (*cough, cough* canon). He's cynical, sure, but not so spiteful and jaded at society. However, I am open to any suggestions about his future actions, I could be going at it completely wrong. As for our twin-tailed heroine, I'll say that her past and disposition are slightly different than canon. I wonder what that could mean? Stay on the lookout for future chapters, and you may find an answer. Write reviews if you have anything to say about my work, favorite, follow, tell your friends, you know the drill. I'm Mayflower Productions, thank you for reading Catastrophe, and I'll catch you on the flipside.


Preview:

"I wonder how Hachi-nyan is doing at school?"

"Knowing him, I wouldn't be surprised if he got himself into a mess. It's like nothing can ever go his way."

"You don't have the wrong idea May-chan~... Hachi-chan was pretty soaked last night, and then he almost missed school this morning."

"Maybe Hachiman found a girlfriend?"

"I highly doubt something like that would happen, Coconut."

"But doesn't he need help with the twins?"

"Hachiman~?"

"Help~?"

"Oh look at that, they're speaking again, how adorable."

"Next time on Catastrophe: Chapter 4- Slowly, They Learn More About Him."

"*sigh* I think I ran far enough. There's no way Sakurada would come after me now, right?"

"Hi-ki-ga-ya-kun!"

"Uh, oh."


Chapter End