Chapter 20

Never Fully Dressed

After a rather uneventful week, it was once again open mic night at the hotel. Now that everyone had a week to get used to the idea, the hotel decided to have a sign-up sheet for people who wished to participate. That way it wouldn't get too chaotic, and everyone would know what was coming in advance. Much to Eliza's dismay, Angel had signed up with his friend Cherri (or at least he added her name on), but her name was now scratched out.

"That's a shame," she told him in the lobby. "I still haven't met her yet."

Angel sighed. "Yea, sorry 'bout that. She had ta bail again. Egg Lord rolled up in some juiced-up tank or some shit, so she's got her hands full dealin' wit' that. I'd help her out, but Bitch-Face doesn't need another reason ta throw me out. Though she ain't gonna be happy tonight."

Eliza raised an eyebrow. "Why is that?"

He broke out in a mischievous grin, but before he could answer, Alastor suddenly appeared behind him, spooking him slightly when he asked, "Yes, just what are you planning for this evening, my effeminate fellow?"

Angel, deciding he wasn't going to take his shit tonight, backed up as though he intended to lean on the man's chest. As he expected, Alastor gave a panicked side-step, but he halted half-way with a cheeky grin. "Don't worry, Radio Daddy; I'll be on my best behaviour."

Alastor laughed. "Hahaha! I believe you are thoroughly incapable of such a feat, although 'best behaviour' is certainly a very subjective concept, I suppose." He took a look at the list for the evening and sighed. "I see Erpa is on the list again. Not satisfied by the backlash of the last time she 'graced' the stage." He held out his hand to Eliza, summoning a set of red earplugs. "I brought these for the occasion. Would you like some, my dear?"

"I would love them," Eliza agreed readily, happily taking the gift. "Thank you, Alastor."

"Hey, Smiles, got any extra?" Angel begged.

"Get your own," he snipped.

"I can pay for 'em," Angel offered, dragging a hand up his thigh. "You prefer ass or cash?"

"Pay me in manners, and I'll consider it." Angel stuck his tongue out at the Radio Demon before sauntering off to the stage-room. Alastor then turned his attention to Fizz, who was openly excited to give his stand-up another go. "Are you sure it's wise to allow him back on stage?"

"I don't see the harm," she replied dismissively. "The only reason it's a problem is because you two seem to despise each other. Otherwise, he did just fine. Roasting the audience is a very popular form of comedy!"

"You certainly seem to enjoy it," Alastor mentioned. "You don't even mind when he insults you. Why is that?"

She giggled as she answered, "Because it's funny! Besides, most humor is based on someone suffering. What's the problem in a more direct approach?"

"Is that why you don't like my puns?" he asked, leaning in slightly with a sneer. "Because I'm not insulting anyone?"

"Puns are weird for me," she admitted, scrunching up her face a bit as if unsure how to feel about the subject. "When someone says a pun, they ruin it by emphasizing the word to make sure the audience catches it. Really good puns, in my opinion, are the ones that are said quickly to see if you notice it. So if I read a pun on a sign, I find it really funny because I realized what it was for myself. Does that make sense?"

Alastor's eyes twinkled with amusement. "That is the best explanation I've ever received for that question! Very well, I accept your reasoning! But don't think that it'll save you in the future." He flashed a smug, toothy grin at her.

She looked deeply amused when she retorted, "I would never expect such a generous action from you." As they stood there, she watched as he pointed a single digit at the paper, and a red bolt flashed for a brief moment. When she looked at the paper again, she felt a bit excited. "You're performing tonight?"

"Of course!" he declared. "I do love a good song-and-dance. Also…" He gave Eliza a side-long smirk. "I was hoping to have you tune in."

"Tune in?" she asked.

"Better than 'reading the audio,' wouldn't you agree?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I suppose it is," she conceded. Figures he'd name it after something related to him, though really it was a better name for it. "But now that I know about the change I go through, doing that in public makes me a bit nervous."

"Then I shall sing every Saturday until you can't resist," he threatened, narrowing his eyes as he turned on his heel. "I want to see what happens, and I can be very patient when I want something."

She hid her thoughts behind that mask of sweetness once more. "You are terrible, Alastor."

"I know," he concurred. "I shall be watching from the stage, my dear. Try not to disappoint."

As he walked away, Eliza's polite smile faded slightly. Id piped up from the back of her mind, 'Uh, Hell to dumbass: The fuck are you doing?'

'Talking to a friend. Why?'

'Uh-huh, friend, sure. That why you're staring?'

Eliza blushed slightly and looked away, grateful no one was watching. 'What do you have a problem with? Aren't you all about checking out attractive people?'

'Yea, when they're physically attainable. He isn't, which means that you're not just checking him out for prospective purposes.'

'I can't appreciate an attractive man?'

'You can when we have a chance to fuck him. Don't fall for the bastard; that won't end well. Why not just go for TV Head and keep Mr. Deer Demon on the side, just in case? Hell, play them against each other; ya might have a chance that way!'

'Vox is probably using me,' Eliza reminded her darker self.

'Still potential to get something out of it,' Id argued, flatly. 'We're in Hell, dumbass. Falling for anyone is a bad idea down here. At least on the surface ya had a chance, but ya blew it on devoting yourself to being a shrink. Don't start changing your mind now; seek easier, sex-based relationships. No attachment bullshit.'

'I don't want to sleep around!' Eliza hoped she wasn't blushing, because this argument was making her feel very uncomfortable. She hoped no one in Hell had mind-reading powers.

'Then we're doomed to an eternity of virginhood,' Id mourned.

'Works perfectly well for Alastor,' Eliza spat. Whenever Id attempted to argue further, Eliza thought of Alastor's radio static. That shut down the conversation pretty well.

When she finally entered the stage-room, Alastor motioned for her to join him. After her little internal argument, she almost felt reluctant to do so.

"I'm going to sit against the back wall," she informed him when she arrived at his table. "That way no one will see me, um… 'Tuning in.'"

"Oh, come now my dear," he chuckled, "I'm not performing until the end. Sit with me; some parts of this show I may only be able to get through with the aid of good company!"

Well, when he put it like that, she felt like an ass for refusing, and so she sat down despite herself. She put her hands in her lap, partially to get comfortable in the chair but mostly to ignore the temptation of his hand being so close to her on the table. Reminding herself that he hates touch helped, but only slightly.

Charlie sang a song first, and it was very cheerful and optimistic. Eliza didn't listen close this time, choosing instead to sit and enjoy the performance. It was obvious without tuning in (as Eliza could not help but refer to it now) that Charlie loved performing, and this time she sang an original song. Apparently her song at the Reception was a special case, as she was pressured to pursue being taken seriously. Now she was just having fun, and she could be as creative and energetic as she desired.

After her, Erpa walked onto the stage, and it seemed that Alastor was not the only one who thought to come prepared. Many stuffed their ears with plugs or cotton, and Husk even offered some cotton to Angel, saying even he shouldn't suffer through this. Angel took the gesture with a flirty smile followed up by a comment about this being an acceptable substitute for the real thing. It took Husk a moment before he turned red as a tomato and hissed at the spider, who proceeded to laugh his skinny ass off.

After yet another ear-bleeder, Charlie was the only one clapping politely while everyone else silently glared Erpa off the stage.

Harve and Curio were next. It turned out that they had a comedy routine that they would perform in low-brow clubs around Pentagram City, and it was pretty good. Harve's timing and dry inflections were hilarious when working off Curio's expressiveness and somewhat naïve personality. Despite the somewhat raunchy nature of Harve's humor, even Alastor joined in with the laughing crowd on occasion.

Then it was Angel's turn to perform.

He strolled up like he owned the place and punched in both the song and the item he needed with a smirk. When he finished his order, the stage-lights shut off completely, and the room dimmed significantly. A single pole appeared on stage, and the crowd got very quiet in expectation. Alastor groaned but watched curiously as Eliza straightened up. "You have a strange fascination with anything of a more… perverse nature."

Eliza struggled to hide her blush. "Pole dancing just looks so fascinating." She returned her attention fully to the stage, and Alastor cocked an eyebrow. 'Fascinating' was not the word he would use.

But then again, he also wouldn't use the word 'gorgeous' to describe his full demon form, so perhaps he should just chalk it up to being one of Eliza's many oddities.

The song "Take it Off" by Kesha started to play, and immediately Eliza realized why Vaggie was not going to be happy. As soon as Angel moved to stand in front of the pole, he waited until the beat kicked in and then took off. Alastor really tried to see what was enjoyable about the performance, but he had difficulty getting past the sexual theme. When Angel climbed up the pole and flipped upside down, the overlord had to admit there was a certain skill to it all. But then the spider ruined it by caressing himself with all six of his arms, and he just had to look away. He thought perhaps he would glean something off of Eliza's reaction to it all; something that told him what she saw in things like this.

Apparently, Eliza found something else in the room more entertaining, as well. She was looking away from both him and the stage, and so he followed her gaze until his eyes fell on Husk. The cat seemed very uncomfortable as well, but for very different reasons. Unlike Alastor, who couldn't bring himself to watch any more of the perverted spectacle, the cat seemed incapable of tearing his eyes away, and he was trying desperately to hide this fact. Was he… enjoying Angel's dance?

Feeling somewhat nauseated, Alastor turned and looked away, though the prospect held some entertainment value. His little war-cat falling for a porn star… As far as he knew, Husk had an aversion to the idea of paying for sex.

Fascinating.

As the performance continued, Eliza became more and more amused before she suddenly gasped, followed by a series of giggles. Letting his curiosity override his sense, Alastor took another peek at the stage and watched as Angel started to strip. So much for behaving…

Determined to get some form of entertainment from this uncomfortable situation, he turned his attention to Charlie's little moth, who looked downright livid. Yes, there was his amusement for the evening. Vaggie's anger was certainly a reliable diversion.

Fortunately or otherwise, though the spider was decisively pushing the letter of the law, he never actually showed too much. He snaked off his belt and slowly let his jacket drop to the floor, but otherwise kept it just safe enough that Charlie would most likely defend him, or at the very least lightly scold him for stripping when he promised he wouldn't.

By the end of it all, all the guests and most of the staff (barring the obvious) erupted into applause. He noted that Eliza seemed much more excited than usual as she clapped along. "I will never understand your enjoyment of such things," he sighed.

'We need to get Alastor on that pole,' Id suggested. 'I bet he's just as flexible… And you know he's got the muscle for it!' Eliza blushed far more than she should have as she remembered how he picked her up from a rooftop a few months ago. There was definitely muscle under all those dapper clothes, though she was in too much pain to appreciate it at the time, not to mention all the monkey puns she had to endure. Narrowing her eyes, she once again focused on the sound of static to block out her darker half once more.

Alastor saw her reaction and cocked an eyebrow, wondering if perhaps he had offended her somehow.

Speaking of offensive…

Fizz practically jumped onto the stage, a mic appearing in his hand when he pushed a button on the stage pad. "Alright ladies and gentleman! Everyone who wanted to be that pole, please form a line at the front desk and have cash in hand; I'm sure Angel will take very good care of you."

Vaggie's spear was in her hands in record time as she glared between the jester and the spider, who shared a mischievous glance. Just to sell it, Angel got up and strutted to the door, blowing a kiss to the crowd behind him before disappearing. In truth, he was going out to Porn Studios for a shoot, but he wasn't going to ruin the joke for the crowd. Matiu stood up to follow him, but sat back down when Vaggie got to her feet.

"Katie ain't the only Killjoy in Hell," Fizz teased. "If she weren't a gay-basher, I'm sure you'd be great friends!"

As Fizz continued his roasting spree, Alastor quickly became bored and turned to Eliza. Normally his gentlemanly nature would abhor talking during a show, but frankly Fizz's drivel hardly counted in his book. "You said you used to dance, correct?"

Eliza took a moment to realize he was addressing her, and when she did she turned in surprise. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Dancing," he repeated, his grin broadening. "You once mentioned that you used to dance, I believe. Tell me; what sort of dancing?"

As Eliza looked away for a moment, Alastor couldn't help but wonder why such a thing would make her reluctant to answer. When he mentioned dancing during the Reception, it seemed to make her irritable. Really, he didn't see what made this such a sensitive topic.

"It… wasn't anything special," she answered at last. "Just a basic dance class in college to fill up on credits for my degree."

"An odd choice," Alastor mused, thoughtfully. "Not at all related to your profession. What other classes did you take, my dear?"

Eliza blushed and looked slightly annoyed. "Nothing important."

Cocking his head to the side, Alastor's smile widened at her resistance. "There is nothing to be embarrassed about, my dear. I doubt it was something as provocative as pole dancing, after all." He leaned in slightly. "You can tell me."

'You don' have the talent for this,' her father's voice rang in her ears. Her breath caught in her throat as she clenched her fists, carefully hiding them under the table. 'Get your head outta the clouds and leave the rest to those who have a chance.'

"I don't want to-"

"HEY, lovebirds!" called a loud, shrill voice. Both sinners turned to face the stage, where Fizz was leering down at them. "Get a room, would ya? We're having a show here!"

"Oh, is that what you call this hogwash?" Alastor jeered.

"You're the only one playing hard to get, Red. Open up a little and I promise you'll enjoy it!"

"Ah, the perverted ramblings of the lower class," Alastor sighed. "Very helpful, I assure you."

"And you, missy," he turned his guns on Eliza, "I expected better from you! Always so sweet and polite, but talking during a show? Really now!"

"You say that as if you won't be performing every week," Eliza teased. "At least things like this change it up for you. You never know, you might become boring without interruptions."

"Who says he isn't now?" Alastor quipped.

Fizz ignored the Radio Demon completely. "If you want to change it up, why don't you come up and do something?"

"I'm not a performer."

"Neither is Erpa, but she's come up to rape our ears twice already! We won't judge, honest." His look of innocence wasn't fooling anybody. "Come up and sing us a song. Who knows? Maybe Red could learn a thing or two for his number."

"No, Fizz," Eliza answered curtly. Alastor gave her a side-long glance at her testy tone. It seemed that singing was an even more irritating topic than dancing; how interesting.

"Come on, sweetheart," Fizz pressured, cartwheeling over to his boss and snaking an arm around her shoulders as he placed himself firmly between the two of them. Alastor hissed, his eyes becoming dials at the sudden invasion of his space, but Eliza barely blinked. "It'll be fun! Just one little song? Hell, come up and sing with me! I promise to be so much more entertaining-"

"Fizz." Eliza's echoing tone shut the robot up. Alastor could have sworn he saw frost appearing on the jester's arm as the temperature around her plummeted. "If you don't drop the subject, I will shove Alastor's microphone so far up your reset button that foreign languages won't be the only things to come pouring out of your mouth. Am I clear?"

Between the threat and Eliza's dip into implied vulgar imagery, both Fizz and Alastor stared at her. The Radio Demon gripped his microphone more tightly as he pulled it closer protectively, not wanting it anywhere near the perverted metal toy's rectum, but Fizz gave her an almost smoldering look. "Oh, boss, don't threaten me with a good time!" Even so, he slowly returned to the stage, taking shots at Lakavi as he passed by her table.

"For what it's worth," Alastor began, quietly, "I'm sure you'd sound quite nice." He backed away as a cold draft caressed his face. Eliza didn't even bother to look at him, and he felt a twinge of concern.

When Fizz's torturous performance was finally over, it was the Radio Demon's turn. Alastor stepped onto the stage, and people either instantly became nervous or interested. Despite his destructive reputation, it was also known that the Radio Demon had a fondness for music. Even if his style was old-fashioned and considered by most to be a bit stuffy or archaic, no one was going to say so. Everyone was going to give him their attention, because to do otherwise was to flirt with death.

Eliza took a deep breath to calm herself. Between the discomfort from before and the nervousness of tuning in to Alastor's song, she felt somewhat rattled. Moving to the back of the room to listen, she leaned against the wall and braced herself.

As expected from an over-powered overlord who despises technology, he made no move towards the summoning tablet. Instead he snapped his fingers, and an entire band of shadows (complete with backup singers/dancers) appeared behind him. Eliza chuckled; he sure loved to show off.

You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile
Broadway Showstoppers (Various singers)

The familiar classy opening made her realize that, in the grand scheme of things, she should have seen this performance coming a mile away. It may as well be somewhat of a theme song for the man.

Hey, hobo man! Hey, Dapper Dan!
You've both got your style,
But brother you're never fully dressed without a smile!

He twirled his microphone while he walked, able to project his voice without any assistance. More shadows started appearing throughout the room, and tables were being cleared as guests and staff alike were being pulled out of chairs to dance. Charlie practically leapt out of her chair when a shadow offered her a hand, and Vaggie wasn't given a choice. Anyone who resisted being dragged onto the dance floor got their cheeks pinched or had their lips stretched into a smile. Fizz was having a blast dodging shadows or trying to catch them and make them go poof.

The only one not being tormented was Eliza, who was very focused on trying to break through the sound of Alastor's radio filter. It made it difficult to tune in. Still, she was able to glean a bit off the top:

"Oh, don't you all look so pathetic when you're angry!"

Your clothes may be beau brummelly,
They stand out a mile!
But brother you're never fully dressed without a smile!

He was definitely getting his kicks right now, and when Paressu managed to break free and make it to the exit, the door wouldn't open. Panicking, he looked around and saw Eliza standing alone against the wall, somehow avoiding all the chaos. He ran up to her for help, but Alastor's own shadow appeared between them, smirking maliciously as he shoved the cat back into the middle of the frenzied dance, where another grabbed him and started spinning him around.

Letting out a laugh reminiscent of a haunted whistling wind, he stayed put to guard the therapist from any further interruption, though he turned to watch every now and then with interest. It was fascinating to watch her colors start to shift like a chameleon.

Who cares what they're wearing,
On main street or Saville Row!
It's what you wear from ear to ear,
And not from head to toe,
That matters.

Feeling like Alastor was somehow hiding himself behind fuzzy interference, she listened closer, blocking out as much of the chaos as she could. Whatever else was happening, she wanted to peel through the layers and figure out what was going on inside that dark, murderous red head of his. She felt his elation at performing and experienced a small twinge of jealousy; she wished she could enjoy getting on stage for an audience.

You don' have the talent for this...

No, she needed to focus and ignore her memories for now. This wasn't about her; this was about Alastor challenging her to read him through his song. A challenge she was ready to win.

(So) So, Senator, (so) so Janitor!
So long for a while,
Remember you're never fully dressed without a smile!

The shadows began to accompany him, and he really started to put on a show. Holding his microphone with both hands like a cane, he tapped to the side with shadows beside him moving in sync.

"I'll show you peasants some real class."

Your clothes may be beau brummelly,
They stand out a mile!
But brother you're never fully dressed, you're never dressed, without a-!
(S! M! I! L! E! Smile darn ya!)

What was behind the arrogance? Something… calmer; darker. Sadness? No, there's a better word…

Who cares what they're wearing,
On main street or Saville Row!
It's what you wear from ear to ear,
And not from head to toe!

Loneliness.

Her breath caught as she felt a very familiar sensation coil in her chest. He preferred to be alone; it was easier, safer. But sometimes, you just want someone around; someone who wants to be near you and talk with you, but also someone you, too, enjoy the company of.

Still, he had the audience's attention right now, and that was enough to curb the feeling, if only slightly. Surrounded by his (literal) captive audience, he could sing and dance his heart out, and he knew they'd applaud. The inspiring power of the fear he generated never disappointed. If anything, it fueled his gusto; making him dance harder, sing louder

They were like toys to him; dolls with strings that he could pull the moment he willed it.

Hey, hobo man! Hey, Dapper Dan!
You've both got your style,
But brother you're never fully dressed without a smile!

Alastor took a moment out of his revelry to glance at her, and saw her colors had settled to be very like his own. Her white scales had yellowed to match, and her hair was the color of blood. He wanted her to open her eyes, to see what was underneath. Were they still her own monocolor, or would they match the red of his own?

Still, he felt unnerved at the change, if only slightly. The red hair was beautiful, but it didn't suit her calm disposition at all. That, and the yellowing of her white scales almost made her look sickly. He never realized until then how much appeal her appearance actually held. She really was quite lovely.

Your clothes may be beau brummelly,
They stand out a mile!
But brother you're never fully dressed without a smile!

She felt his need to smile; a projection that nothing bothered him. He was above them all, unable to be reached. High as a kite caught in a monstrous gale, his shadows started to swirl as he built up to the finish. His microphone trailed a fiery light as it twirled around, and pillars of flame appeared at either side of the stage. While he was very much in control and had no intention of burning the place down, the audience remained very unaware of this. Shadows all around were feasting on their fear. Oh, how he adored a flashy finish.

Then there was another thought buried in the back; one that he seemed to be trying to hide, if not ignoring it himself.

"I will not be forgotten."

So, Senator, so Janitor!
So long for a while,
Remember you're never fully dressed,
Though you may wear the best,
You're never fully dressed,

He threw up his microphone.

With-

He twirled on stage, dark fire dancing around his fingertips.

Out-

The crowd got both excited and terrified as a large, fiery smile appeared behind him, with black dials in the eyes.

A-

Eliza tuned into his voice completely for a moment, feeling connected to the malicious satisfaction with his final thought.

"You will fear me!"

The feeling overwhelmed her, and she gave in to it for only a brief moment, but it felt so wonderful.

Smile!

He held the final word until the end, and the smile behind him let loose a mad, shrieking laughter as he partially transformed. Caught in the heat of the moment, his eyes changed into soulless glowing red dials in black sockets as he winked past the audience, staring at Eliza as her eyes finally opened to reveal that she possessed similar dials, though they were white against black sclera. His broad, sharp-toothed grin threatened to break his face in half as he tipped his hat to her before shouting, "Smile! Darn, smile!"

All the shadows in the room exploded into a multitude of colors as the music ended, and he bowed low with his hat in his hand as the audience cheered. Much of the applause was very genuine despite his forceful nature, while others were too scared to do anything else. Soaking up the praise, he bowed repeatedly as he turned to face the different sections of the crowd.

However, when he looked out again at the place where Eliza had been tuning in, his heart sank slightly when he could no longer find her. Scanning the room, he realized she was nowhere to be seen. Had she retreated?

Perhaps he was finally able to frighten the young therapist, though he was disappointed that he would be unable to witness it without chasing her down, which was so very against his gentlemanly nature.

In truth she had retreated to her room, where she quickly undressed and slammed the bathroom door. She needed a cold shower to shut down this power.

Now.


That night, Eliza was not going to get any peace in her sleep. As soon as she began to dream, she was in that monochrome room, clipboard in hand, facing a very irritated looking demoness.

"You know... you don't listen very well," Id began, narrowing her eyes and baring her teeth.

"About..?" Ego droned. Oh, this was going to be such a wonderful night.

"Why don't you take a looksie?" she said, pointing to the wall. When Ego turned to see, she blinked as her gaze fell on two pictures that weren't there before. One was Alastor in full demon form, while the other was him on stage surrounded by fire. It was like a screenshot of the end of his song, when he had his hat tilted and his eyes were radio dials.

Well... shit.

"What did I say about falling for the guy? Bad. Move. Not complaining about the eye-candy, but those aren't nude images, now are they? This isn't about popping your cherry, and that's a problem."

Ego rubbed her temples as she felt the start of a massive headache. "You've got to be kidding me…"

Id continued to stare a hole into Ego's forehead. "It's stupid to pursue him."

"I'm not pursuing anyone," Ego argued, flatly.

"Sure you aren't. You've got an entire afterlife of sex-maniacs that you could be looking at, not to mention his rival hitting on you, but all you can think of is Mr. No-Touchy."

Ego started writing in her clipboard. This may turn out to be an important meeting after all. "So, you have a problem with love. Not surprising, but..."

"But nothing," Id spat. "We've seen how 'love' works. It's bullshit ninety-nine point nine percent of the fucking time. If you think going for Alastor is going to go better, you're an idiot."

She sighed. "So I can't find him attractive in any sense because he's off limits? I would think that would just make you try harder."

"You know, maybe I should frisk him. You know, check for a deer tail or something. That way you can see just how badly trying anything with him is gonna go!" Id looked about ready to strangle Ego. "If ya gotta fall for someone, as stupid of a decision as that would be, can't it at least be for someone we can fuck? Is it so much to ask that you find someone actually interested in physical pleasure? We can't even touch the bastard!"

"Would you rather I fall for someone like Lakavi?" Ego growled.

"You know what? Yes; yes I would!" Id threw out her arms in exasperation. "At least she'd be interested in getting somewhere beyond talking!"

Ego glared at her darker half. "Well, too bad. I have no interest in going for someone who switches love interests on a dime. Besides, she's interested in Matiu now after they got in a fight and he scratched her all to hell. Thank goodness, too, because I was about ready to strangle her."

"You are hopeless," Id sighed. "Why are you so desperate to be alone? Seriously, what's the fucking problem? There's no law down here preventing me from fucking up the first person who tries to control us. Just let loose, damn it. Find a fuck-buddy and go for it! "

Ego leveled her with an unimpressed look. "Now you see; this is why you and I will never get along. I don't just want some 'fuck-buddy.' I want someone I can be honest with; who respects and trusts me. And I don't want to go for someone that I can't feel the same about."

Id made a disgusted noise. "Good fucking luck with that."

"Not to mention someone who can keep interesting conversation…"

"We're in Hell, dumbass. Conversation doesn't last for an eternity."

"...And someone who can keep me safe."

"I can do that last part," Id argued. "Seriously, couldn't your standards be more 'likes to fuck, buys me nice shit and doesn't try to kill me'? You know, simple shit?"

"What I want is simple: Stability, fairness and honesty."

Id gave a harsh laugh. "And you somehow think you can find that with… him?" She pointed at the pictures and raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "I'll agree that his 'good side' is the safest place in Hell to be, but what part of him is stable, fair or… OK, he wins in the honesty department so far, but one out of three ain't a winning ratio. And that's only with us. He doesn't really show his 'deal-maker' side with us, and you know that means he can be a lying bastard the moment he wants to be."

"Are we really in a position to judge that?"

"I'm not saying judge him for it, I'm saying your demands are unreasonable and that you-"

"No."

"Excuse me?"

Ego stood up and walked over to the pictures. "I said no. I'm not dumbing down my standards just to satisfy some base urge. I want sex, sure, but that's hardly important enough to forget… everything else. I want to be treated well, and not tossed aside the moment my partner becomes tired of me. The fact that he's Aesexual and possibly Aromantic is unfortunate, but-"

"But what?!" Id shouted, getting up from her couch to grab Ego by the shoulders. "We are entertainment to the guy. That isn't a problem if it's just about the sex, but you're getting hung up on a guy who drifts around looking for the next big thing to entertain himself with. Even if by some fucking miracle you got him to fuck you, he's still the guy who gets bored and wanders around. He ain't sticking around for an eternity, dumbass!"

"...I know." Ego met Id's gaze and the two stood there for a moment. "I know, but I've never met anyone who makes me feel this way before. Even though he doesn't want it, it's like he's teasing me with it anyways, and he does it just by being him."

"You know, how he treats other people can give you a big clue as to what he'll be like."

"False," Ego chimed up. "If there's one thing we learned from Mom and Dad, it's that how they treat other people doesn't mean shit. It's how they treat me that counts. I don't mind the fact that he's a murderous cannibal; the rest of the world and the people in it can rot. But he treats me well and really seems to like me. If I'm doomed to the friend-zone with him… I'm OK with that."

Id glowered down at her. "I hate you. You know that?"

Ego smiled sweetly, her tone laced with venom. "The feeling is mutual."


Author's Note:

So, the story from this point on is going through some major renovations. I got to a point in future chapters where I just felt like I was becoming sick of the story, and then sourced it back to everything that's been written after chapter 19. So, this chapter is the first of many that are getting completely re-written. Hopefully I don't miss any chapter updates in the future. Thanks for all the faves and follows; you guys are awesome!