My Youth Romantic Comedy is a Catastrophe, as I Expected


Foreword: And with the changing seasons, the catgirls return. I'm Mayflower Productions, but you probably already know that, here with another installment of this story. The last time I was here, Valentine's Day just passed, but here we are on the verge of spring. Time flies when you're having fun, huh? Ok, maybe writing this had its hiccups (read: procrastination), but that's for another discussion. Now on with the show, Catastrophe Chapter 5: Their Paths Remain Intertwined.

Catastrophe- POV shift, line break "A catgirl cafe?"- Dialogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Joukamachi no Dandelion, Nekopara, Oregairu, or any other intellectual properties that may appear in this story, please don't sue me.


Chapter 5: Their Paths Remain Intertwined.

"Uh..." I groaned while trying to rise for school. Why do classes have to start so early? Isn't it enough to force students into a stratified society where popularity determines social status? One false step spells the difference between an uneventful or chaotic life. And don't get me started about physical education and how people are forced to pair up. It's the bane of every loner's existence. I could go on and on, airing my complaints with the education system, but I will restrain myself...

"Zzz..."

"Zzz..." Interrupting my monologue was the sound of soft snoring...

"Wait, what," I immediately jerked awake, shocked by the unusual noise. After a quick scan of my room, nothing appeared to be out of place, except... My body felt heavier than usual, so much I could barely move... This is bad. Did Cinnamon lose all restraint and reveal her true colors as a sadist, chaining me to the bed? I always knew she was the most dangerous catgirl...

"Oh, so you're awake, Hachi-nyan," I hear a soft voice above me. So this is it, huh? The end of Hikigaya Hachiman. Well, at least I can rest easy knowing that I died at the hands of a cute catgirl... No, now is not the time for resignation! There's still hope.

"You won't take me alive, Cinnamon!" I found my resolve and was prepared to fight for my freedom. I've come back from darker times before (see: my middle school career), so what was the difference now?

"Cinnamon... I think you've gotten the wrong idea, Hachi-nyan," the voice sighed. I craned my neck upward to see Azuki and not the catgirl I expected. What is going on today?

"Azuki, why are you here?"

"I saw that the room next was suspiciously empty, so I decided to check up on you."

"I don't get it," I replied, unaware of the situation. It doesn't make sense why Azuki needed to monitor my room? I'm not a child.

"Maybe once I do this..." She lifted my blanket, revealing...

"Hachi-chan is very soft."

"Like a big pillow," the sleeping form of the youngest catgirls, Chocola and Vanilla. How did they sneak into my bed? They shouldn't be able to reach the door...

"I know what you're thinking, Hachi-nyan, "How did Chocovani break into my room? They're only kittens."." She explained, seemingly reading my thoughts. Is she an esper?.. And "Chocovani," I've never heard such a creative nickname before. Thankfully she didn't give me the same treatment, "Hachi-nyan" is already pushing it. I can only imagine the horrible outcomes...

Catastrophe

[In another universe]

"Achoo!" I sneezed while walking towards Arena 3. Why do the hallways have to be so long? Actually, the school should just install one of those horizontal escalators. They clearly have the money to do it, judging from all those fancy classrooms. I suffer enough as the world's (third?) male pilot, so why can't I have a horizontal escalator to ease my worries.

"You don't look so hot, Hachi-kun. Are you okay?" My "childhood friend" asks. Why does she have to use that horrible title for me? I hate it.

"No, I am not okay," I replied, sighing in resignation. Sometimes I wonder, what if I didn't attend this horrible Academy? Would my life have turned out for the better?

Catastrophe

[Returning to our regularly scheduled broadcast]

*sigh* There's no point in thinking about hypotheticals. I have the sneaking suspicion that misfortune follows Hikigaya Hachiman wherever he goes. Now for more pressing matters.

"All right, get off you two before I get mad." I threatened the "sleeping" catgirls latched onto my arms... Woah, Hachiman, how could you be so mean; they're only children? My counterargument is simple, as since I signed the dotted line yesterday, Chocola and Vanilla were now my dependents. That's right, I, loner extraordinaire, have children... Ok, the fine print has my mother and uncle (Kashou's father) as the twins' "Master" (Don't ask me how that works. The legality behind catgirls is a very slippery slope, and I am not qualified to explain any part of it.), but don't worry about it. Basically, the twins were my responsibility, and I didn't want to raise wayward daughters. What if they run away with a roach? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something so tragic happened.

"Eep, he found out..."

"Hachiman is super smart, after all, Chocola." They decided to heed my advice and rise from their "long slumber," allowing me to move freely. Why are they so clingy towards me, though? I haven't done that much for them. Alas, the mind of catgirls remains a mystery to me.

"Why didn't you stop them, Azuki?"

"Well, you see, I tried, but... their pleas were too cute."

"What? I thought you were the older sister type?"

"Don't put me in a box, Hachi-nyan!" She hissed at my comment... Oh, so that is where all the cat DNA went. I see.

"Azuki, why are you making so much noise..." A sleepy Shigure questions, her obsidian hair disheveled so early in the day. She stares at my bed for a few moments before continuing, "Hachiman, do you have something you're hiding from me?"

"..." I take a second to process her words. Any secret desires I might have... sleeping next to two young catgirls... Hold on, "No, no, no. It's not what it looks like, Shigure. They came into my room, not the opposite." I denied, slowly walking away from my bed. How could she peg me as someone with those interests?... I enjoy Pretty Cure for the characters, not some licentious "plot," and that is the only explanation that comes to mind.

"Azuki, is he telling the truth?"

"Hmm..."

"What do you mean, hmm? Don't make this any more complicated than it has to be!" I argued, trying to put this cliched matter behind us. Why does my life have to be so hectic? It is only my second day of high school... Did I ever say how much I miss Komachi? She wouldn't accuse her onii-chan of such blatantly false allegations... instead, she would weaponize her cuteness into making me do all the household chores, aside from cooking. Wait, have I always been exploited?

"Geez, I just wanted to play up the dramatic suspense, but you're such a stick in the mud Hachi-nyan." She complained with a slight pout, "Don't worry about him, Shigure. Chocovani snuck into his room last night while he was asleep."

"Oh, so that was the case," Shigure concluded her earlier temper cooling... Maybe, my crazy morning will find some order, now?..

Catastrophe

"Yawn," I could barely hide my exhaustion while waiting for breakfast: the sun was shining, and birds were singing outside, but my eyes were as lifeless as ever. After clearing my innocence, everyone left my room, giving me time to change into my uniform of black blazer and pants with a white shirt, sans the red tie. It just looked too conformist for my taste, reminding me of the dark reality of corporate life. I contemplated leaving early and buying a pastry at a convenience store but ultimately swayed against it since...

"And here we are," food tastes the best when it's free.

"Wow, you've really outdone yourself, Kashou."

"Of course, Maple, nii-sama is flawless as expected." I sought to exploit all the advantages afforded to me as a member of the Cat House. Why bother wasting money on subpar confectionaries when an aspiring chef is around. Besides, he was technically the heir to a long line of Japanese confectionary masters... If I'm Kashou's cousin, doesn't that mean I have latent cooking skills? No, my days in the kitchen have long passed, and even at my peak, I was only mediocre. Although if you needed someone to make curry, Hikigaya Hachiman was your first call... Ok, ego, that's enough flattery for one lifetime.

"Hachiman, you may want to start eating before everything's gone," Kashou drew me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"So, Hachi-chan, what was on your mind~?" The earlier target of my fears pressed closer to me, with a curious expression... Close, too close!

"It was nothing Cinnamon, just the usual high school anxiety," I explained, pulling away from her. Why is she so touchy-feely? Do catgirls not understand the concept of personal space.

"*stare*~," sitting across from me, I noticed Maple's gaze in my direction.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked, trying to figure out her intentions.

"You don't have a girlfriend, right, Hachiman?" She threw an unexpected curveball.

"Huh?" I felt confused by her question.

"You've changed over the past few days."

"How so?"

"You were less expressive and blunt before." Now that she brought it up, my emotional filter has worn out at the Cat House... Does that mean Maple's right, and I have changed? No, that can't be true; it's just the novelty of my situation that caught me off guard. Nothing is different, and I'm still the same friendless loner ("That's the spirit, Hikigaya-kun!")... regardless of any abnormalities that appeared along the way. After all, once the world changes you, it's all over. Soon everyone will grow bored of me, and my quiet lifestyle will return. All I need to do is just wait it out until then.

"Hachi-chan?" I felt a small tug at my side and turned to see the twins.

"*sigh* What is it?"

"The food's gone," Vanilla noted, pointing to the table before us.

"No, no, you're obviously joking..." I started to brush off her concerns, but my eyes widened in shock at the empty spread of food. She wasn't wrong, since Kashou's immaculate Western breakfast, with fluffy scrambled eggs and pancakes, had disappeared. I couldn't even have a single taste...

And to think that monologues would bring about my demise. "Just my luck," I sighed.

Catastrophe

"Come on, Akane, we're about to leave!"

"Why should we even wait for her," it's never easy living in a large family, especially waking up in the morning. There's always a rush for the bathroom since everyone has to get through their daily routines, making it vital to get up early. A few minutes of sleeping in could mean all the difference between making it to school on time or being late. Why am I complaining about such a situation? Well, let's just say that I'm not a morning person.

"I'm almost done, so don't go without me!" I fussed while running down the stairs. Sadly, my mental fortitude faltered against the overwhelming might of sleep, leading to this scenario. I hastily cleaned myself up, hoping to not be left behind by all my older siblings, and have a repeat of yesterday. Hiratsuka-sensei is so scary, and she already gave me a free pass, so I don't want to test her generosity. She pummeled Hikigaya-kun without breaking a sweat. Who knows what would happen to me?

"And, safe!" I kept up with them today, and now those cameras won't be a problem. Hooray~!

"Congratulations, Akane, you only slept in five minutes today instead of the usual fifteen," Kana-chan sighed with an exasperated look.

"Can't you see, Kanade; she's trying her best. Is that not enough for you?" Shuu-chan countered.

"Sis-con"

"Hey, I heard that!"

"Now, now, you two. If you argue any longer, we will all end up late," Aoi stepped in to stop them.

"Fine," and my feuding siblings agreed, ending their short argument...

As we rounded a familiar intersection, I noticed a shocking sight, "They changed the camera locations already! How," and could barely hide my shock. It was in a different place yesterday. I memorized the locations of over 200 cameras, and they usually changed every other week, but not so soon. This is bad; shopping is already hard as it is, without throwing another variable into the fray... *sigh* Why can't I just have a quiet life?

"Why are you a class rep Akane? Wouldn't that go against your beliefs of privacy?" Kana-chan mused while maintaining a gentle smile. I don't understand why she needs to keep such a pleasant persona? People would like her inner self regardless. All that matters is that her true feelings get across. It's like a gift; the packing doesn't compare in importance to the item inside.

"Everyone needs someone to rely on, and I volunteered since there were no other options. Besides, if you saw a person in trouble, wouldn't you help?"

"You're such an enigma, Akane," she concluded with a long sigh, slightly breaking from her character.

"In any case, her desire to help is admirable," Aoi noted.

"You're right about that, nee-san," and Shuu-chan seconded her point.

Even though being in a large family has its downsides: the rough mornings, rivalries, limited personal space, among others, the positives still outweigh them. I can't imagine a world without my many siblings and living alone. It would be too sad to bear.

I like to think that humans are social creatures and that emotional health weighs equally to physical wellbeing. Without those interpersonal connections, the world loses its color, and every day becomes a struggle. So no matter how satisfied someone appears with loneliness, a part of them is yearning for relationships and finding others to share their thoughts with.

If I'm not mistaken, a famous poet once said, "no man is an island," which nicely explains my opinion. This is also backed up by personal experience since my siblings once saved me from shattering beyond repair; now, to repay their kindness, I reach out to outcasts, regardless of how disinterested they appear. It occasionally doesn't help my image, but that never mattered much to me. This brings everything full circle, as I couldn't explain my philosophy any better than myself, "Everyone needs someone to rely on."

"What a beautiful morning it is today. I wonder what the future has in store for me~?" A bright smile lined my face as I spoke. Maybe I'll run into a classmate?

"Yawn, school just starts too early these days."

Catastrophe

"Hey, isn't that..." While trudging towards Soubu, I heard someone in the distance. They're probably looking at another person, and not me, right? I scanned my surroundings for any other targets but saw no one else. Maybe a monologue can distract me... yeah, let's have one.

Surprise encounters are the staple of any story, whether a Western classic or a paint-by-numbers isekai. The protagonist stumbles upon their fated partner, which supposes changes their life for the better. Don't get me wrong, these meetings effectively move the plot along, but in the real world, especially when I face one... My opinion of them change, for the worst, mind you. I'm no hero looking for another adventure, just someone trying to live a quiet life, preferably without working for a shady company. Running into potentially influential people spells disaster for my plans. After all, a loner can't be the center of attention since the two titles are mutually exclusive.

However, avoiding these "chance interactions" only sets up later opportunities for this event, forcing me into a catch-22. Risk my current lifestyle to nip future headaches or run away and paint a larger target on my back? Grr, moments like these make me wish I had superpowers, like the ability to stop time... Then I could reach the right decision. *sigh*

"What a pleasant surprise, seeing you here, Hikigaya-kun," someone warmly remarked. I turned to see the source of such a comment and saw the smiling face of Soubu High's Queen. So the world wouldn't allow me to choose and auto-selected option 1. Why am I not surprised? Hey, look at that we've come full-circle.

"Y-yes, I am shocked at such an outcome, Aoi-san," I replied with a shaky grin. Unlike yesterday, I wasn't going to make a fool of myself and would treat the Queen with respect. I like my head firmly attached to my body, thank you very much.

"Y-you don't need to sound so stiff with me," she answered with a bashful look, displeased with my formality... It was a little cute, so I should just accept her request... My body felt like it had an invisible force pulling, but I dismissed the sensation. Scary, popular girls are horrifying. No wonder why I keep my distance from them; their sway can be almost overwhelming.

"I think such a gesture would appear impertinent on my part," I again channeled my limited courtesy. When was the last time I acted this respectfully? Probably, when buying my first visual novel and was self-conscious at checkout. Ah, what pleasant memories. These days it feels like my life is a contrived game.

"So Hikigaya, I've heard that you started the year late. What are your plans to make up schoolwork?" Shu-senpai interrupted with a question. Thank you, Senpai, for being so considerate! I didn't know how long my defenses could have held against Aoi-san. It probably would have ended up with me confessing my feelings towards her and being instantly rejected. But that was not the case today! Hooray for Senpai, hooray~!

"Apparently, all my assignments were compiled into one stack of papers that I had to pick up after classes. As for how long it should take to complete, it all depends on the number of math equations."

"S-so you're not the best at math, Hikigaya-kun?" From behind Aoi-san was a sheepish Sakurada. Where did all her bravado go? She wasn't like this yesterday.

"It was never one of my strengths," I shrugged.

"I'm surprised since you looked like someone who would enjoy the subject," Kanade-san noted, rounding out the members of our impromptu group.

"*sigh* You're not the first person to say that," I mused while thinking about a certain someone.

Catastrophe

"Achoo!"

"Are you okay, Komachi?"

"I'm fine, Misaki. Someone must be talking about me."

"Who could it be?"

"Statistically speaking, there is about a 99% chance of it being about someone close to Komachi-san. Out of that, I would say, 40% is one of her parents, and the rest is a sibling."

"Woah, Haruka-kun, are you an esper? Your prediction was so accurate."

"I-I'm just good at these things. You don't need to praise me."

"Is that a light blush I see, Haruka? Are you embarrased~?"

"M-Misaki!"

"These twins are so interesting. Their relationship reminds me of him. Speaking of him, I wonder what onii-chan is doing? If he's lonely as usual, I'll comfort him, no matter what... Now that has to be worth a lot of points."

"Maybe I should take a picture of your embarrassed face and make it my wallpaper? I wonder if Aka-nee would be interested too?"

"Please, Misaki, calm down! Komachi-san, could you help me stop her? It's too early in the morning for these antics."

"I don't know, Haruka-kun? Misaki might have the right idea? You're always so gloomy during classes. It's nice to see that you have other emotions."

"I always knew we'd get along, Komachi-chan."

"I thought the exact same thing, Misaki-chan."

"Oh no, they're teaming up. Now there's a 100% chance that I have a rough day. Tch, I should have walked to school with Akane-nee-san and everyone else."

Catastrophe

*sigh* I miss my little sister. Why did we have to be separated? I can already feel my onii-chan powers draining from the lack of contact. Besides, is a life without Komachi-chan even worth living?

"Are you okay, Hikigaya-kun?" Sakurada asked with a concerned expression. Oh, she misinterpreted my sigh. Should I or should I not correct her misunderstanding? I might as well prevent any future mishaps.

"I was thinking about a girl."

"Was it perhaps, me?" Kanade interjected with her artificial cheer.

"No," I quickly replied.

"Eh, how fast," Sakurada commented at the interaction.

"It looks like not everyone is enamored with your beauty, Kanade?" Shu-senpai teased.

"W-what ever could you be implying by that, nii-san," and she could barely mask her frustration. Sparks were flying between the two black-haired siblings. It reminded me of when Komachi drank the last MAX Coffee without telling me when she knew I was saving it. I felt betrayed by her, and then dad came home and reprimanded me, even though Komachi was guilty. Why does that man have to be such a daughter-con?

Catastrophe

"It was interesting talking with you, Hikigaya."

"Have a nice day, Hikigaya-kun~."

"I hope you don't worry him too much, Akane."

"Don't worry, Aoi-nee-san, you can't count on me."

"Today was an experience, to say the least." Eventually, we made it to Soubu and separated at the main entrance.

As I walked towards my homeroom, there were millions of eyes boring into me. The pressure was so potent that I could barely breathe. So this is how life on Planet Vegeta must have felt. I would rather be there than here right now, even though it's a collection of space dust.

Hmm, I wonder why everyone hates my guts right now? Is it A, Sakurada Akane, B, Sakurada Akane, or C, Sakurada Akane? I don't know all those answers look correct. Maybe, I should phone a friend?

"Hey, Sakurada, have you noticed anything different about our classmates?" I whispered.

"No, why do you ask," she answers with her growing trademark naivety.

"*stare*~," and now the pressure spiked. Yeah, this must be the classic jealous event, where the male population despises the protagonist for flaunting his "girlfriend" around campus. Well, jokes on you, this woman beside me isn't my friend, let alone girlfriend! How do you like that?... Sometimes I hate the fact no one can hear my monologues.

"Why do you have to be so dense?" I drew a long sigh.

"Are you thinking something rude about me?" She asked with a knowing look.

"Nothing~." I faked a teasing tone, trying to replicate Komachi's charisma.

"Hmm." She stared at me for a moment.

I continued walking to homeroom, ignoring all the death glares directed at me. Thanks to the power of 108 Loner Skill #52, Thick Skin, nothing could phase me!

"So you can be punctual, Hikigaya. I'm quite surprised," and waiting inside the classroom was a bemused Hiratsuka-sensei. That's right, yesterday was only the exception and not the rule. You can't hit me now! The ball is in my court!... My life is pretty sad when I have to worry about corporal punishment by my teacher. Alas, that's the deck I've been dealt.

"Well, it's as they say, the early bird gets the worm," I replied with one of those empty platitudes you see on billboards. From what I understand, Sensei wouldn't have approved of my inhouse mottos like, "to work is to lose," so I played it safe.

"But Hikigaya-kun, we're the last ones here," Sakurada commented from behind me, gesturing to the nearly full classroom before us.

"Hah, hah, hah... don't worry about it," I nervously laughed off her concerns.

"In any case, Hikigaya, I have some news for you," Sensei interjected, wearing a serious look. What could she want from me? I don't remember doing anything too upsetting yesterday... Besides running away from a classmate or showing up late or avoiding a classmate in need and... Ok, maybe I've done some questionable things.

"Huh, what is it?"

"Questionable attitude aside," she stifled a sigh, "You've been nominated as the class's male representative. I will not accept any rejections, concerns, counterarguments, or abrupt resignations. This is now your responsibility."

"What?" Just like the previous days, I was blindsided by another surprise. Why does it have to be the Student Council? I thought those positions were a popularity contest? And newsflash, my social standing isn't the best.

"Look on the bright side, Hikigaya-kun; we get to spend more time together." My seatmate gave me a kind smile. And I could only respond to her gestures with...

"My life is such a catastrophe." A miserable groan.

Catastrophe


Author's Note: Didn't expect that ending, huh? It looks like Hachiman can't catch a break no matter how he tries. As for my thoughts behind the chapter, I wanted to explore the lives of our two main characters, and hope that message got across. Even though they appear widely different, invisible strings tie them together, driving the narrative along. I'm genuinely curious if anyone has any suggestions for future plot points or ways to improve my writing, as I strive to become a better storyteller. After all, there are only so many angles that I can see to this story, so an extra pair of eyes would be appreciated. Check out my other more action-packed story, Infinite Loner, if you want to see more of me, and until next time... I've been Mayflower Productions, thank you for reading Catastrophe, and I'll catch you on the flipside.


Preview:

"President, have you heard what happened?"

"What is it?"

"Our organization is being threatened by a new student."

"Who? We've already scanned the entire school roster for any potential issues."

"I thought so too, but we missed one. Apparently, there was a 1st Year who missed the last month of classes due to extenuating circumstances. His first official day was yesterday, yet..."

"Explain. What has this student done?"

"He caught our maiden's fancy, and the two are quickly becoming inseparable."

"Is this true, Vice President?"

"Sadly, that is the case. but from what I've seen, he doesn't appear very interested in her."

"Hmm, I see. This development may necessitate my intervention then."

"Is the President getting personally involved?"

"Yes."

"Next time on Catastrophe- Chapter 6: The Pieces Fall Into Play."

"Hikigaya Hachiman, huh? Let's see if he is worthy of standing beside Akane-sama."

"I'm sorry, Akane, but this is all for your own good. Hikigaya needs to prove his worth to us."

"Achoo! Uh, my sinuses are killing me. Someone has to be talking about me, then. I hope it's Komachi."

"Tsk, tsk, Hachiman, the winds of change are blowing, and you would be a fool to ignore them."

"Who are you?"

"I am the Blademaster..."

"Yeah, I don't care... I wonder if the twins are okay, though?"


Chapter End