Chapter 35
Truth or Dare
Vaggie was losing her fucking mind.
Utensil drawers filled with rubber schlongs, stuffing the grandfather clock with foam that burst out when Niffty checked why it wasn't working with a sign that read 'blown load' hanging inside, loading Husk's overhead liquor cabinet with water balloons full of apple juice with a note that read 'I hope you liked your golden shower'...
The worst part? Apparently Eliza was becoming involved, because she and Angel seemed to be in some sort of prank war. Whenever Angel pulled something, Eliza retaliated. Bucket of cream labeled "cum bucket" falling on her head from the therapy room door? She tied a small, partially open bag of flour to Fat Nuggets and unleashed the happy little pig on his sleeping master. Having a cream pie smash her in the face when she walked into the laundry room? She replaced his hair gel with lubricant. Leaving (thankfully fake) turds around her office and on her chair? She coated his soap bar in his own clear nail polish.
And how was she able to repeatedly enter his room? An anonymous collaborator who left a skeleton key under her door with a tag that read "temporary use only". The very familiar handwriting told her exactly who her secretive prank patron was, and when Vaggie grilled her about how she was breaking into Angel Dust's room, she kept it to herself. Even when they did room checks, they never found it.
Vaggie was grateful her hair was already white, but she was about ready to rip it out. She has never been more thankful for Niffty, who tirelessly worked to clean up all the chaos Angel caused. That was one thing she could say in Eliza's defense; at least most of her pranks didn't make a mess.
And apparently, naked twister was just one of many games Fizz planned to host for his favorite holiday. Spin the bottle, strip poker, some board game called 'Nookii' that was confiscated by Charlie when she saved Lakavi and Matiu from a traumatized Radio Demon, and much, much more. Today, the name of the game was Truth or Dare, and much to his chagrin, it also included the managers themselves.
PG Truth or Dare just isn't nearly as much fun, but it included almost everyone in the hotel, so at least it was interesting. The only one missing was Alastor, who was gradually spending less and less time at the hotel. And Fizz was thrilled, because finally he managed to get Eliza involved. That woman has claimed to be "too busy" for far too long, but today was Sunday. She had no excuse this time.
They sat in a circle on the stage-room platform, and Fizz was in the middle. Playing some sort of carny tune, his arms would spin around and around. He elected Eliza to be the one to call stop, and then the music would slow until his arms pointed at two different people. Then, they would call out their choices, and each would say what they wanted the other to do or tell them. If they both agreed, it was a deal. If one of them refused, that person was out of the game.
The first two were Paressu and Erpa.
"Truth," Paressu called, quickly.
After a moment of consideration, Erpa chose, "Dare."
"I dare you to pick someone's pocket while everyone's watching," he said. "Doesn't matter who."
"I want you to tell us every drug you take," she returned with a smirk. Paressu went slightly pale as he glanced at the managers. Charlie looked a tad concerned, but Vaggie just folded her arms with an intense stare.
After a moment, Paressu nodded slowly. "Deal."
Erpa got up and started walking around the outside of the circle, her tentacles swaying casually. Occasionally one would flick outwards, and after three times around she sat back down.
"Well?" The cat challenged.
All of her tentacles slunk out and revealed that she had snagged three different objects. One was a small comb, which Paressu grabbed with a light blush. Another was a small black wallet, which Vaggie nearly took her tentacle off to grab. Finally there was a pen, and Eliza checked her pocket in surprise. Sure enough, it was missing.
"Wait, why do you have a comb?" Lakavi asked, turning to Paressu with an amused smirk.
"Because being a cat sucks," he grimaced. "I always feel like I need to clean myself, and unless I'm high I just can't stand licking myself. Ugh, it's so gross…"
"Looks like Eliza ain't as smart as we thought," Erpa taunted with a wicked smile, twirling the pen around her tentacle. "You want it back?" She held out her tentacle to the therapist. Despite seeing the dark glint in her eye that told her exactly what the woman was going to do, she reached out to take it just to have it yanked away at the last second. "Too slow!"
Eliza sighed. "Are you quite done?"
"Hell no!" she sneered. She didn't see the impish smile on Angel's face, and when she clicked the pen… "Ow!" White cream squirted straight into her eye, and Angel burst out laughing. Eliza tried and failed to hide her smile as she realized she had miraculously dodged another prank.
"Look," Angel wheezed, trying hard to talk despite a distinct lack of air, "she's a squirter! Ha!"
"Seriously?" Charlie droned as Vaggie face-palmed.
"You fucking asshole!" Erpa shrieked, throwing the pen at his head. He dodged it easily as he continued to chuckle, and he got a fist-bump from Fizz under the unimpressed gaze of a ticked-off moth.
"Anywho~" Fizz cooed, turning to Paressu. "Your turn, pussycat! Spill; what drugs do you like?"
It was a much longer list than most people anticipated. The only two who weren't at all surprised were Erpa, who pegged the cat for an experimenter, and Eliza, who knew most of them already.
"Huh, you like the White Zinger, too?" Harve wheezed with a laugh. When Vaggie growled at him, he added, "It's just a mix, honey. There's a guy that blends different drugs for cash. Says its to fund his research."
"There has to be a better way to make money," Charlie murmured, sadly.
"Down here? Are you kidding?!" Curio squeaked. "We barely eek a living performing, and normal jobs pay bottom dollar. Can't even afford a hotel and food, most of the time."
As the game continued, Charlie lost her focus on what was happening. So people struggle that hard? She knew things were tough in her kingdom, but…
"Charlie and Eliza!"
Torn away from her thoughts, the princess' head shot up and looked at Fizz when he called her name. "What?"
"Your turn, girlie," he stated with a wink. "Call out what you want to go for!"
"Are you alright, Charlie?" Eliza inquired of her boss, noting how very distracted she seemed.
"Oh, uh, yea! I'm good. Um… Truth, I guess."
"Dare."
Fizz looked at his boss in surprise, then gave the princess a side-long glare. If only she had a more interesting opponent, then maybe she would be dared to do something fun! Oh, what he'd dare her to do…
Looking up thoughtfully, the therapist tapped her chin before looking back down and holding up her finger. "Tell us in detail how you're adjusting to being financially cut off."
Charlie's face went red as a tomato when Fizz snorted at the absolutely brutally insensitive question. Everyone's eyes were on her now, and Vaggie put a comforting hand on her shoulder while glaring daggers at Eliza, who looked completely unperturbed by her hostility.
"Uh, Hell to princess," Lakavi called, reaching out to wave a hand in front of her face before flinching back when Vaggie gave her a look that made her think the moth might bite her hand off. "Ya gonna call out your dare?"
Shaking off her embarrassment, Charlie thought hard for a moment. What could she dare the therapist to do? Something she wouldn't normally do, but has to do with Love Day… "I dare you to hug everyone in this circle!"
Now everyone turned to the therapist, who became eerily still. Her face remained frozen in polite indifference, but internally she was cringing. Hug… Everyone… She could barely tolerate a hug from Angel Dust! But, this is a dare. It's just a game, nothing personal…
"Deal."
Eliza was the first to move, getting the awkward hugs out of the way before she had time to question her rationalization. It wasn't so bad with most of them; a brief hug, maybe a pat on the back, a slight (but expected) frisking from Lakavi, Curio was pulling away from her the entire time…
Then it was Angel's turn, and she hesitated. The spider gave her a mischievous smirk. "C'mon, shrink, I don't bite!"
It's not personal. It's not personal. It's not…
She just closed her eyes and went for it, giving him a quick pat on the back before rapidly moving to the next person.
"Should I be offended?" Angel teased with a wink, causing Eliza to look anywhere else when she sat back down.
"Alright! Tell us all about living the dreaded poor life," Fizz taunted, turning to Charlie with a sneer.
Some of the guests murmured to each other while they waited, and Charlie felt deeply embarrassed. "Did ya know she was broke?" "Guess Daddy took back his credit cards, heh…" "Wow, she's lasted this long? Damn, not bad…"
"I, uh…" Charlie looked uncertain, and Vaggie looked about ready to speak up when Fizz held up a finger.
"Nuh-uh, no white knighting!" he cackled. "Girly talks for herself or loses. What kind of example are you setting if you can't even follow some simple game rules?"
Taking the moth's hand in hers, the princess gave her girlfriend a reassuring squeeze. "It's alright, Vaggie, I've got this." Turning to the rest of the guests, she put on a bright smile. "It's been… difficult. Dad always kept me in the palace and didn't really like me going out when I was little, at least not without him or Mom. When I got old enough to go out alone, Dad gave me a gift: Razzle and Dazzle."
Eliza looked over as two little goat demons jumped to her side. She rarely saw them around, and even then only when music was involved; were they always there just out of sight?
"They drive me everywhere, play for me when I sing, keep me company when I'm lonely…" When her eyes went distant for a brief moment, Eliza wondered if perhaps she actually spent a lot of time alone. Despite her youthful energy and naïve nature, it only just dawned on her that the princess was possibly a lot older than she realized. "Because of my parents, I never really knew what it was like not to have the things I need."
Several of the sinners were openly yawning or otherwise holding their heads up, waiting for her explanation to be over so they could get back to the game. Matiu was the only one still really paying attention, and he asked, "So, why'd they cut ya off then? Sounds like things were real nice fer a while. Bein' a pampered rich kid wit' no siblin's sounds fuckin' amazin'."
"...I told Dad I wanted to help people." Everyone stopped yawning as the bored atmosphere turned awkward on a dime. "I told him I wanted my people to have a chance. He told me it was impossible, Mom told me it wasn't worth trying, my boyfriend laughed in my face… And when I told them I was going to start a rehab center to help people get into Heaven, they all just… left me."
Razzle and Dazzle nuzzled their master, who petted their heads with a small smile. Eliza felt a peck at her ear and gave her jealous crow some attention too. Harve was the first to comment. "So you gave it up for a bunch of people who don't even care?"
Charlie just stared at him for a moment before tilting her head, closing her eyes and saying, "Yup!" with a far too bright smile.
Eliza smiled as she scanned the circle. As she had expected, looks of uncertainty, confusion and even guilt spread throughout the group for a moment as it sank in that something was actually sacrificed for their free room and board. She knew for some time that the guests don't really respect Charlie as royalty or even a person, so she figured a small learning experience might be a bit helpful to make things run more smoothly from here on out.
"Since then, I've had some trouble getting used to not having things," she continued, quietly. "I'm not really sure how to run a business, Vaggie helps keep me grounded when I get excited, Al keeps me from spending too much, and it's just been a really big change for me. I still don't know just how rough it is out there, and the longer I stay here, the more I learn about what my kingdom is really like."
Erpa just stared at her in disbelief. "You never knew your Dad's kingdom was shit?"
Charlie cleared her throat. "I, um… knew it wasn't ideal, I just never knew the extent of it."
Now Vaggie spoke up, shooting a warning glare at Fizz not to interrupt this time. "Alright, shit-heads, you got your answer. Time to move along."
There were several more selections from then on. Angel beat Curio by daring him to kiss Eliza, which caused the shifty little rodent to run like hellhounds were after him. He just meant to make the little guy squirm because of how awkward he was hugging the woman, and no one was quite sure what that was about. Niffty dared Matiu to kiss her, but missed her chance when Matiu dared her not to clean right before dropping a glass of water on the stage. The little maid immediately stood up and started mopping up all the liquid and shattered glass, effectively losing the game. Harve beat Lakavi by daring her to frisk Vaggie, whose death glare drove the green bird to a reluctant surrender, followed by Matiu being disqualified for attacking Paressu when the cat kissed him to fulfill a dare from Angel. Husk then beat Vaggie by daring her to finish a full glass of whiskey in under a minute, and she couldn't do it. Then…
Outside the room they heard a familiar sound; music playing over an old-timey radio, as well as a filtered voice humming along. Fizz and Angel shared a look before the clown jumped out of the circle, arms and legs extending out to front-flip over the entire space until he reached the slightly open door.
Alastor recoiled sharply when the jester burst out of the stage-room, cutting off his walk-path and continuing to bar the way. "Well hey there, Red! Why don't you come on in and join the fun?"
The overlord merely scoffed, shoving the metal servant aside. "Considering the other games you've hosted, I doubt there's any truth to calling whatever you're doing 'fun'."
"Aw, come on big guy, everyone's here!" The clown gestured inside with both arms, as if presenting a show. "Well, aside from most of the people who lost. Sure we lost Niffty, but we've still got your drunken kitty, the lovely princess… My boss…"
His smile spread into a maddeningly smug grin when Alastor paused. "How did you ever persuade Charlie to play? Hasn't she been shutting down your perverted escapades?"
Fizz frowned at the infuriating virgin overlord. "Yea, yea, she and Vaggie are keeping it nice and PG. Ugh…"
"How unfortunate for you," he taunted, grinning wickedly at the metal imp's misfortune. Taking a brief glance inside, he eyed the circle of people for a moment before his gaze held on Eliza, who gave him a polite little wave. "Are there rules?" After Fizz quickly filled him in, Alastor surprised everyone by waltzing into the room. However, when he walked onto the stage, he didn't join everyone else sitting on the platform. Instead, he summoned a rather lovely wooden chair between Husk and Charlie and sat down, leaning on his knuckles and crossing his legs at the knee.
Him using his elevated position to lord over them all was lost on no one, though Vaggie (who was sitting just behind Charlie) was the only one with the balls to growl at the man.
"It sounds mildly entertaining. But I will add one little rule for myself; whatever my opponent chooses, I will choose also. Let's have some fun, shall we?"
Most of them didn't want to go against him, no matter how exciting it was to think they could dare him to do something or demand a truthful answer to any question. Whatever they asked for, they knew he would probably ask for something horrible in return. The next pair was Husk and Eliza, and the veteran lost when he refused to dump out his bottle of expensive whiskey. Then it was Angel, and his opponent was none other than the deer prick himself.
"Alright, Smiles, we're going for dares," he announced.
"If you say so. What would you dare me to do, my effeminate fellow?"
"Drop trou right now and show us once and for all if there's a deer tail tucked in those tight pants," he commanded.
Charlie blushed deep crimson. "Angel! I told you not to-"
"All he's gotta do is drop low enough to see the tailbone; ain't that bad," Angel snapped. "Although if he wants to show off that tight ass, I ain't gonna say no." Then he laid out on his side, blowing a kiss at the red-clad deer. "Alright, Al, lay it on me."
"Hmm…" the man mused, softly. "Well, since you seem to be so curious about my anatomy, perhaps you could settle a little curiosity of my own."
"Oh, Al, I'll show you all the goods-"
"You're feet."
Angel's face fell. "What?"
"Perhaps you're unaware, but when you left Eliza to deal with your fan mail, she actually took the time to sort it."
"Are you kidding me?!" Fizz bellowed, turning to his boss with a look of unbridled astonishment.
Charlie and Vaggie both shared a flat, disturbed expression before turning in unison. "Why..?"
"They didn't really disturb me," Eliza shrugged. "Actually, it was kind of fascinating. I know that being a celebrity means you can attract strange fans, but I never knew there was such a variety of disorders among them!"
Chuckling at the woman's bizarre curiosity, Alastor continued. "The largest pile seemed to follow a very specific theme; a desire to see your feet. Given your occupation requires a lack of clothing, I can't help but wonder why you would hide your feet if you shamelessly expose the rest of yourself on the picture show for all of Hell to view. So, if I must prove whether or not I have a tail, you must show myself and everyone here what you hide from your audience."
Angel's eyes were wide and uncertain as he debated his next move, but after a minute or so he finally just sighed. "Fine, ya fuckin' win," he grumbled, getting up and stomping off the stage. "I'll just find another way ta figure it out."
"Touch me in that region, and I'll make sure none of your arms regenerate," Alastor promised with a devilish grin.
"Yea, yea, whateva. Toodles." With that, Angel waved over his shoulders and bailed from the stage-room, joining Husk to partake in the whiskey he refused to dump.
Next was Eliza and Erpa. Eliza chose dare, but never got to hear what the young thief, who chose truth, wanted her to do. As soon as she asked why Erpa always sings every Saturday even though she's clearly tone-deaf, the tentacled sinner jumped up and started yelling obscenities before slithering away in a huff.
Then it got very tense when Harve and Alastor were selected. The pink man glared at the smiling wendigo for a moment before steeling himself. "Truth."
"Very well," Alastor agreed nonchalantly.
"What did you do to Curio?"
The Radio Demon blinked, and everyone was staring between them in surprise. The only one who didn't look particularly shocked was Eliza, which put him slightly on edge. Vaggie was glaring at Alastor, clearly waiting for an answer and, possibly, an explanation as well. With narrowed eyes, he shot back, "Did you put him up to something that should concern me?"
"I told him not to," Harve informed the overlord, testily. "Now what did you do?"
"Nothing he didn't deserve," Alastor replied, vaguely.
"Are you hurting him?"
"You already asked your question."
"Why you-"
"Alright boys, your turn's over," Fizz interrupted, casually. "Let's keep the tension rising!"
"Alastor…" Everyone turned to Eliza, who was staring side-long at the overlord with a suspicious glare. "Are you hurting my patient?"
His eye twitched. "My dear, it isn't your turn." The way her gaze turned cold made him recoil slightly, and he sighed. "As long as he remains here, he is safe from me. Is that acceptable, my dear?"
It was a technical truth, of course. Curio was suffering, certainly, but he wasn't inflicting harm on the little rodent. Not directly, anyway.
Satisfied, Eliza's expression went blank as she returned her attention to the game. Harve, however, got to his feet and walked away, mumbling just loud enough for Alastor to hear, "Don't have a problem rewarding others for it, though."
When he walked past Eliza, he flicked his cigarette at Alucard, who cawed loudly before hovering just above his master. The therapist gave the man an unimpressed stare as she brushed the soot off her shoulder without even looking at it.
A low growl sounded in Alastor's throat as the pink sinner passed by her, and he watched the man closely as he walked out the door.
"Hm, maybe PG Truth or Dare isn't so bad," Fizz snickered, playing his carnival music as his arms started to rotate. When Eliza called, he made sure to hide the fact that he actually controlled the selection this time. The choices: Alastor and Eliza.
The therapist immediately glared at the jester in a suspicious and downright accusatory manner, but Alastor seemed quite pleased with the outcome.
"Go on, my dear," he invited, coyly.
"Truth," she decided.
"Playing it safe, I see," he taunted, leering down at her. "Ladies first!"
"I'd rather you start, please."
"Hm?" Tilting his head in surprise, the overlord couldn't help but wonder why, but he wouldn't waste his question on it. Tapping his chin, he mused out loud, "Where to begin with you… Oh!" He snapped his fingers as he arrived at his decision. "Why does being asked to sing upset you so?"
There was certainly a chill in the air, but to both his and Fizz's surprise, there was no frost. Instead she looked up thoughtfully.
"Why do you never take off your gloves?"
Both of them sat there like statues, eyes locked as Alastor processed the question. It was very perceptive, direct and somewhat disconcerting. When Angel had made his dare, he knew he had the upper hand. Worst case scenario, if the spider accepted the dare, Alastor could have just taken the loss and walked away. He was a bit curious about the arachnid's feet, but not enough to expose himself in front of others.
He wanted to ask why that was the question she chose, but he was stuck in the rules of the game. He didn't want to lose; he genuinely wanted to understand why music was such a taboo with the woman. All he had to say was "Deal", and he'd win if she answered or walked away. But at the same time…
He couldn't be paid enough to discuss this for an audience.
"Well played," he admitted in a low, quiet tone. Then with a theatrical sigh and a flourish of his suit coat, he rose to his feet, spun around and left the platform, hesitating in the doorframe to glance back at her before disappearing. And as he vanished, she heard a familiar sound.
Three slow beeps.
For the first time since she arrived at the hotel, she actually heard Vaggie cheer. "¡Lo venciste!"
"I'm sorry, but what does that mean?" Eliza asked, looking deeply confused.
"It means you beat him," Charlie translated, happily. "Nice job; he's a shrewd guy!"
"More like shady," Vaggie huffed. "What was that all about with Harve? I know Curio gets into Alastor's business all the time, and the guy definitely likes that Alucard hates him, but why did Harve think Alastor did something?"
"I noticed that Curio's been really nervous lately," Charlie added, her brows furrowed in worry. "Still, he told Eliza he's not hurting him, so that's good! Right?"
"He might be lying," Vaggie proposed. "Eliza, has Curio said anything to you in therapy?"
When the therapist leveled her an annoyed glare, Charlie cleared her throat. "This is for his safety, Eliza. If you know something, tell us." She remained silent. "Now!"
"Wait your turn, damn it," Fizz barked, stretching out from the center until he was right in Charlie's face. "We're still playing!"
"Correction; you're still playing," Eliza droned. "I'm quite done with this game, thank you."
When she got up to leave, Vaggie was about to stop her when the metal clown started raging in their faces. "Damn it, you just had to piss her off! Do you have any idea how long it took to get her to have some god-damned fun?! She's been holed up in her room for days because you just had to make the hotel look like a preschooler's confession card-!"
When Eliza closed the door to the stage room, she could still hear Fizz ranting and raving all the way to the stairs, where she took a moment to focus. Taking deep breaths to calm herself, she closed the door and stood there, enjoying the silence.
Perhaps later she'd tell her boss that Curio never told her anything, but for now the princess' tone burned out any desire to be helpful. Whatever happened to just asking politely like a civilized person? Alastor tries to corner her when she gets busted for seeing Vox, Angel tries to go all mafia to get answers about Valentino, and Charlie pulls the voice of an angry parent grilling their problem child.
Did anyone actually realize that she can be reasonable if given the chance?
Well, Vaggie had been somewhat polite, which was rather impressive for the feisty moth. Maybe she'd just tell her instead. When she was less ornery, of course.
She scratched Alucard's beak when he cooed at her, then ascended the stairs. Pausing at the second floor, she looked up at the top. Was Alastor waiting up there for her? No, he probably had work to do, or he may have left for his tower again…
Or maybe he was hoping she'd come up to talk.
She gulped. The therapy room was one thing; a safe space where she works with some protection due to the contract she wrote. Even if she was fairly certain he was powerful enough to overcome whatever power the contract has, it was still somewhat reassuring that he'd have to work for it.
But his office was a different story. That was his domain where his powers were not inhibited in any way. If something happened there…
No, she wasn't ready for that yet, so she walked into her room and locked the door. Left alone to her thoughts, she decided to come up with her own theories why he never takes his gloves off while she took a hot-cold shower.
Stepping into the hot water with a happy sigh, she started mulling over the possibilities. Maybe he's just that prudish. Maybe he has a skin disease. Maybe he has scars. Maybe it weakens his power in some way. Maybe his clothes are buffed up with some voodoo magic. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
And if the three slow beeps were any indication, he might even be willing to tell her. If…
"You don' have the talent for this…"
If she told him why she doesn't sing. Now feeling a bit too emotional, she braced herself as she switched the heat off.
Maybe she should have chosen "Dare".
Author's Notes:
Ah, Razzle and Dazzle. Two little minions borderline forgotten, only occasionally mentioned. Like Alastor's sentient microphone, though that one got forgotten completely, lol. I re-watched the pilot and went "Oh... shit!" Even from just the pilot, there are so many characters! Add onto that all of MY OCs and you've got a madhouse. Maybe I'll give the poor microphone a line one of these days, but this ain't the one. To be fair though, Razzle and Dazzle only show up when Charlie sings, and the microphone only gets one line. Easily forgotten.
Hopefully everyone else is interesting enough that you'll forgive me. Or maybe no one gives a fuck. Always possible.
Oh, and I heard about some of the changes happening to Hazbin Hotel. Revamped look, completely overhauled voice actor roster... Sorry to see some of the voice actors go (I'm a big fan of Alastor's singing voice actor), but considering she seems to want to sign on a lot of stage actors (like Fizz's voice actor, Alex Brightman, who's fucking amazing), I'm actually really excited to see what they go with. Hopefully everyone keeps an open mind; I know that a lot of fans tend to be resistant to change.
Oh, and fun fact: My mom reads my fanfiction now, which surprises me. She hates swearing. Yet still made it through Game of Thrones. Funny how that works.
Love ya Mom!
