The minute I realised what I was doing I started wailing, very loudly. If I'm being honest it hurt my own ears. What the fuck was I doing here? Surely I was in a coma, in some hospital bed. There's absolutely no way that I am actually here right now, in this universe of lies, deceit and murder! Game of Thrones was a TV show, a work of fiction based on books written by a great author who was probably a sadist with the amount of pain and death his characters endured.
I started panicking and would have fallen out of dream Cersei's arms had she not been holding on so tight.
"Calm sweet child, you're safe" she cooed.
I'm ashamed to admit that baby me reacted well to this and started drifting of to sleep...
That was until a thunderous crash resounded around the room and a giant of a man stormed in carrying what appeared to be a stag in his arms. It only took me a few seconds to realise that this man was my 'father' King Robert Baratheon.
"Cersei, show me our child!" He yelled at the top of his voice, obviously drunk. My mother's eyes went as cold as ice for a few moments before she held me out.
"Here he is, your heir, Joffrey of House Baratheon."
My 'father' looked at me for a while -a hint of something in his deep blue eyes- before a small smile lit up on his face.
"And what an heir he will be."
Time Skip
From day one people seemed to see me as an unusual child. They always used to exclaim about how I was 'marvellous' and a 'genius.' I was given a large amount of respect from the various lords and ladies at court. I used this to my advantage, managing to sit in on meetings, learning my way around what was going on around the court. For example: people were concerned about 'father' and his rather lavish spendings, and how 'mother' was just so cruel.
By age four I realised that if this world was formed in my comatose brain then I really must have been in a coma for a very long time, therefore I started really planning for the future. I realised that the Greyjoy Rebellion must be just around the corner. This worried me for a number of reasons:
1. The Greyjoys are a real pain in the ass. They despise the other 6 kingdoms and we hate them, everyone from the Lannisters to the Starks couldn't give a shit about the Iron Islands. They will continually make my future reign hard.
2. The whole North thing definitely made me apprehensive; I don't really want to change to much early on, at least until I become king after all the more I can keep the same then the more I can predict what will happen and adapt events to my plans. One thing I feel I can confidently change however is the Rebellion. The Greyjoys -even after the eventual loss of the Rebellion- stayed almost 100% out of mainland affairs.
So in conclusion: the Greyjoys are going to die. Every. Last. One. Of. Them...
You may be wondering why I wouldn't be yearning to save my 'father' and let him have a long and happy life. To be remembered as a glorious ruler who brought peace and prosperity to the seven kingdoms. There is an excellent reason - it wouldn't help me in the long run. I want to be a good king, and for that to happen I need my life to go (to a reasonable extent) like it did on the books. When my 'mother' pops out another incest-born bastard (namely Tommen) I will most definitely treat him much better than Joffrey in the show did. However, if Robert had a tremendous reign then when I inherit every last thing would be different. Therefore I -for now- will let Cersei fuck my 'uncle' to her hearts content. I will let Robert hire a thousand whores. I will let him drink himself into oblivion. I will even let my 'mother' kill him. And I will let her name me king.
For I Joffrey of House Baratheon, First of my Name will be the greatest King of The Andals, The Rhoynar and the First Men, the finest Lord Of The Seven Kingdoms and the most excellent Protector of the Realm. And absolutely no one will stop me!
