Ruby and Yang's Commentary on Foodfight! (Part 2 - Final)

Ruby continued the review in the start of the second part, "So they come across the same mascot on the chocolate cereal, clearly, that's supposed to be Cap'n Crunch.", the scene showing Dex and Dan meeting Vlad the chocolate cereal mascot.

"You'd have to have one before you can lose it.", Yang speaks of which. "So they decide to get the brands together to stop the Lady X and her Brand X army. But not before her head of the guards, Lt. X, tries to shut down the Cocabanana.", she continued, the scene afterwards showing Lt. X and his Brand X guards commanding the brands to sing their brand song but the brands righteously refused.

Ruby realizes, "Oh no! They got Tim Curry in this one! Why, Tim? Why?"

"It's not Tim Curry. It's Jeff Bennett.", corrects her sister Yang.

Her red-black sister answers, "Oh.", this part of the scene showing Lt. X and the other Brand X guards singing their song, before Ruby reviewed, "Anyway, Dex comes in and starts singing their triumphant song...", the good brands suddenly dancing and singing in that scene when Dex arrived, to what's known as what Ruby answered, "...the French National Anthem?", the musical non-sensual scene that's shown continued.

"Gee. This scene looks familiar. In a way that unless you saw the original movie, this would make absolutely no sense whatsoever.", familiarized Yang.

Ruby agreed, "Yeah. Like the amazing Casablanca. And it's extremely unlikely that any little kid would have seen this movie, so this probably makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. If you haven't guessed it yet, they're clearly paying homage to Barb Wire. Look, I know it's Pamela Anderson's greatest performance, but it's unlikely most children have viewed it's genius!", the next part of the scene showing the brand icons finishing the anthem in a nonsense way, appalling Lt. X and the other enemies.

"So Lt. X comes back with a bigger army and it looks like their battle has just begun.", Yang summarized, the next scene showing the soldiers of Brand X arriving, particularly doing jazz hands for no reason, the battle beginning as a food icon pours a giant cup of hot chocolate on the climbing soldiers in the building intersections. Yang watches this scene and comments, "Wow. Absolutely outstanding detail. Surely, they must have asked Pixar to do this breathtaking work of genius."

"Actually, they did! And after reading the script, not only did they send this terrible animation as a joke, but they also attached a hand-written joke saying "Go fuck yourselves!", by John Lasseter. But the director was so lazy, he used the clip anyway.", facts Ruby.

The two watch the next part of the scene with the poorly-animated foodfight, Yang commenting again, "And wow. Look at this amazingness! Surely, they must have asked Dreamworks to have this incredible work done."

"Actually, again, they did! And after they read the script, they sent them this spit-in-the-face render, while also sending out a picture of Spielberg, Katzenberg and Gaffen all mooning the camera and giving the finger. But again, the director was too lazy, so he used the clip anyway!", told Ruby again.

Yang says during the foodfight with the icons throwing food at the army altogether in a terrible composition of animation, "And wow! Unbelievable wow! Surely, such epic magnitude must have been asked to be done by Blue Sky Studios."

"Actually for the third time, THEY DID! And they asked if they could turn it into a horrible franchise.", said Ruby for the third time as a fact. "Don't be shocked if you see a crossover of Ice Age, Rio and Foodfight coming to a theatre near you. Just...don't watch it."

Then during the titular foodfight sequence, the two sisters even see Twinkie the Kid, the blonde sister of the two mentioning, "Hey, look! There's the Twinkie guy! We're sure he's gonna do something really big and really important coming. And after all, he is one of the biggest characters on the poster, along with these other icons you barely seen in this movie. Hell, Dex and Sunshine are 1/3 of their size. Surely, all of them are gonna get together and do something huge in the movie's climax! Like say nothing...pretty much do nothing...and take a back seat to graphics worse than the Money for Nothing video."

"And okay! A lot of you might be shouting "That's phenomenal false advertising in a movie is absolutely nothing but advertising!" But this is incredible common in even good films. Heck, we may once saw a Star Wars poster online where the main focus was the mouse droid! And we know what a gigantic part he played, right?", said Ruby, before to Yang, "The movie would have been nothing without it."

After the next part of the scene with the foodfight, Lady X threats to Dex on a building, raising one leg on the railing as suddenly, Exobyte plane droids seemingly come out of her private part not shown, which confuses and shocks Ruby and Yang, both saying, "Launch out of my vag! There's enough fetish fuel in this movie FOR EVERYBODY!"

"Dan and the others try taking flight to stop her as Dan...is just doing stuff you don't do on an airplane. It doesn't connect with anything at all, it's just...stuff.", Yang summarized the next part of this battle scene.

After seeing the part when Dan was preparing to battle the Excabites, he was scrubbing himself like a shower, doing self-hypnosis and meditating with M&M milk chocolates, both sisters watching this were not amused, Ruby holding up the Foodfight DVD case, "Look. Here's a $65,000,000 comedy. Perhaps you'd like to do something funny with it."

"So Dex makes it to Lady X's headquarters and discovers, big fucking shock, that she was behind Sunshine's disappearance the whole time.", told Yang about the next scene, with Dex fighting Lt. X.

Ruby continued, "Sunshine gets her hands untied, throws a raisin to Dex which he uses as a weapon, so he can untie the hands we clearly just saw she untied herself.", before seeing the next part of the scene when Dex uses the raisin to make Lt. X eat it, who the villain dazed and fainted due to the raisin. The two girls were creeped out, saying four syllables, "Fe-tish-mo-vie."

"Uh, did she go blind since the last time we saw her? I don't think she's looked him in the face once during this scene.", Yang questions, the scene showing Sunshine happily thanking Dex as she touches his face.

Ruby does another impression of Sunshine like what Yang did for C-3PO earlier, "It is Dex, right? Unless Scooby-Doo took steroids and somehow fought his speech impediment."

"Again, what're you doing?", curiously asks her sister Yang.

Ruby excuses, "It's just a joke like you did, Yang.", still doing her Sunshine impression.

"But the spastic 80's rocker enters their world, or was he always part of the world, or is he sometimes in their world and sometimes not, or is this all sort of unique punishment program they use in The Matrix? And the entire town decides they have to bring him down.", Yang continues the review, the next scene showing Mr. Clipboard invading the town, and a few brand icons help bring the giant salesperson down.

Her sister Ruby says, "And now, finally, we learn the big disturbing, shocking twist! The villain of the movie the whole time was...", before the two sisters see that Mr. Clipboard was actually a giant robot, the face hatch opening to reveal Lady X. "...the villain of the movie.", the next part of the scene showing Dex talking to Lady X that she built a human robot, recalled Sunshine and used her essence to make the elixir for Brand X, the villainess complaining no one buys her prunes, and Dex doing a twirl as he questions how she got in and out of the store since she's an ike (icon).

"Perhaps if we do more ballerina twirls, the answer will become clear!", Yang danced with Ruby and comments, in a romantic fashion with her sister, on this scene, the next part beginning a horrid fight sequence.

Ruby says, "So we partake in more sex puns, some horrible CGI fighting, and such.", before unenthusiastically criticizing, "Look out. You almost convinced us the illusion of animation, and we quite literally have a cat fight between the two attractive women of the film.", this next part of the movie showing the fight between Sunshine and Lady X.

"I wonder how bad the writer did...", mentioned Yang. "He'd be like, "And then, the hot furry chick kicks the ass out of the hot dominatrix, all while the men make funny jokes about her melons! Ha, that's so funny! And then, the dominatrix gets turned into an ugly woman, proving once and for all that if you're an ugly woman, no good can come out of you! Oh, and there's, uh, something having to do with Mr. Twinkie, Mr. Clean and a bunch of other products, but who cares? It's done! It's finished! My magnum opus for the Horny-Furry-S&M-Cat-Fight-Boxing Fanfiction Forum, is finally completed! All I have to do is submit it.", and he'd be like afterwards, "OH NO, I just sent it to my big shot agent in Hollywood! I'm RUINED!", but lastly he would say, "Why the fuck would they want $65,000,000 for it?", am I right, sis?"

Ruby laughed so hard at this and hugs her sister romantically and affectionately, saying, "You're a funny sister after all."

"Thanks for noticing that.", her blonde sister answers back, before the two watch the next part of the scene when Lady X turns ugly, and Dex saying a bad pun to the villainess related to Gone with the Wind.

Unimpressed again with facepalms, Ruby says, "You know what just hit us? This is the movie that turned Charlie Sheen insane. I mean, really think about it. The timelines add up. He constantly had to be called back for redos, and if you had to return for this for ten fucking years in a row, wouldn't it kind of make sense that you would start talking like this? Good job, Foodfight. Good job."

"So Sunshine agrees to marry Dex, a last minute message is thrown in for no reason, whatever that means, and just when you think you're allowed to free this cauldron of eye rape, they decide there's so much more funny they need to get out!", Yang said before the movie ended, showing a post-credit scene of Sunshine checking what's under Dex's hat, to reveal another hat.

Ruby nods, "That's hilarious. So that's Foodfi-", before she and Yang were surprised to see another post-credits scene of the moose and frog characters talking, the red-black girl commented, "Charming. So that's Foodfight-", before the two sisters were annoyed to see a third post-credits scene with Polar Penguin, Ruby gritting her teeth and saying, "Nicely done, that was Foodfight-", until the two see a fourth post-credits scene of Lola and one of the brand icons, causing the two girls' breaking point.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP! Every second you speak is killing something we used to love for this movie inside of us! Will you just please shut up?! GOD! This is awful! It's awful! We'd rather much read the credits like we're reading a memorial of all the poor people who gave their life to this horribleness! All adding up to shit! $65,000,000 of SHIT!", both Ruby and Yang argue together about Foodfight.

Yang also mentioned, "Before you used to have a great concept back in 2002 which the animation was much better than this shitty 2012 one with the Cheetos guy, and the trailer for the original version had catchy music. It went like this.", before doing a short song to the tune of Copacabana with Ruby listening to this, smiling for her sister.

Yang: His name was Dexter, a great detective,
And with his pal, Daredevil Dan, he would always get his man,
But when she vanished, he was a failure,
So he stopped being a sleuth, when he couldn't find the truth,

Her name was Brand X, she is a new girl,
And when she walked into his place, wow, the look on every face,
But could he trust her? He didn't think so,
Something didn't seem quite right, tell me, what's an exobyte?

(I can't recognize the lyrics for this one part)
Dex lost his love, maybe now his nightclub, but will Dex get X?

At the Copa, Copabanana, the hottest spot north of Havana!

Ruby applauds, "I agree with you, Yang! That version would've been better than the 2012 version if the film wasn't stolen!", before resuming, "And you know what? The price of the movie doesn't matter. Okay, yeah, it does, a lot. But the point we're trying to make is whether it was made for $65,000,000 or $65, there is nothing to be proud in this movie. Everybody should be ashamed for even acknowledging it exists. We feel like Beezlebum's ballsack just for drawing attention to it! The animation is the worst, they never look alive, the jokes are the worst, they never get a laugh, the characters are the worst, they're all just stereotypes of stereotypes, the plot is the worst, it's a joke, literally, it's all written as a joke, but one with no good setup or punchline! It is one of the worst pieces of commercialized dog shit we have ever seen in our entire lives! And given the roundup of movies we're starting to do, that's saying a lot!"

"In fact, I don't think human hands could've made it. I think something much more horrendous and disrespectful had to pull it's energy together and make something so awful!", agreed and added Yang.

That was when Ruby and Yang realizes something about Foodfight.

"My god. We just figured it out!", Ruby and Yang both said, "The horrible CG animation, the awful stereotypes, the tremendously unfunny humor, the fact that everything in this movie is just despicably awkward and unnatural!", before both sisters say, "MY GOD! I know who directed this FILM!", with looks of shocking realization of who directed Foodfight (which the one I'm about to say is false, actually directed by Lawrence Kasanoff).

A Beowolf, outside talking to it's Beowolf Grimm friends about Foodfight 2.

"From Hell's motherfucking heart, I stab at thee!", Ruby gritted, as she pulls out her phone and puts a missile command app, pressing a single button, causing a missile outside to launch and release a missile barrage, off-screeningly killing the Beowolves. "It is done.", she says.

Both sisters say the last part of their Foodfight review, "But the evil will never truly go away. This is the worst animated film we've ever seen. Hands down, no comparison. It's scars may have left deep inside both of us, but we'll get over it. We'll be strong. Because we know that we seen the worst. We know that no other form of animation will ever be worse than Foodfight. And because of that, we both know for a fact that this film will forever be in the movie history books always be seen, as..."


"...passe!?", surprised Ruby and Yang after their review, meeting with Pyrrha and Nora in the library.

Pyrrha calculated, "Yup. Since you started the review however, Ruby, Yang, the movie's popularity has died out."

"But we both reviewed the movie for about an hour long!", said Ruby.

Pyrrha corrects, "Well, that was practically 30 minutes in Internet time."

"Yes, people knew it was the next popular thing to mock.", told Nora.

The other team member of JNPR said, "So they decided to not mock it at all."

"Wait, so the popularity of something can fade even before it becomes popular?", Yang asks.

Pyrrha answers, "Yep. I think it's called the Hipster Effect?"

"Knowing something is going to be ironically cool makes it traditionally cool.", supported Nora.

Pyrrha continued, "So to be ahead in short-form, they decided not to make it ironically cool."

"Hell, even thinking about it probably cuts it's lifespan in half!", studied Nora.

Ruby and Yang sighed, "So you're both telling us sitting through all this misery, the worst animated film of all time was-"

"A complete waste of time? Look, we're sorry, girls, we really do. We didn't expect this was happening. Next time, maybe do a better movie though. We both feel proud of you for reviewing Foodfight.", compassionated Pyrrha, with Nora embracing her, as the two sisters sigh and were dazed.

Nora asks, "You know what's even better? Spending time with you, Pyrrha.", confirming the two are in love. "You're adorable..."

"Oh, I just wanna kiss you now!", cuddled Pyrrha, as she does with Nora.

But in the midst of the two JNPR members' romance, Ruby and Yang were shocked and dazed, that they walked out of the library, and went back to their dorm room where Blake and Weiss are, which led to what happened in the start of this second story.

After all, Ruby and Yang did get over it with the help from Blake and Weiss.

End of Ruby and Yang's Commentary of Foodfight!

Next up: RWBY's Commentary of Devil