CHAPTER 1 – THE DARGON

Disclaimer: This is inspired by the infamous My Immortal - it's a joke. We don't own the character. So no flaming

AN: FANGZ (LMAO) TO MA GAL HOPE FOR HELPIN ME WIF DA STORY AND DA CHARACTERS, AND ALL DA REFERENCES. MOZART ROX111111111111

Salutations, my name is Albus Wulfric Brian Stringbean Dumbledore – but you can call me, Dubeldum (it's what my friends call me – well I think they are my friends but they're right assholes sometimes). I have a long white beard even though I'm only young and I have wavy long silvery locks that cascade down my back like a waterfall of shimmering starlight – ik it sounds beautiful, that's cos it iz. I live on a small village by the coast, where people fish for a living, they mainly just shoot guns in the water to kill the big sharks, and haul them onto land with great chains fashioned from metal rent from the body of a great giant – legends say he now lives in the mountains. (AN: btw THIS IS HARGRID?!)

I am also a very powerful wizard. I spend my days running around on the beach, conjuring up great waves and flooding the village only to reverse the damage in just a few seconds. I wish I didn't have to reverse the damage tho. I hate the people in this town: Godric's Shore (AN: Geddit, Godrick's hollow or somet from da mooviez). They are all massive fucking derpressing goffs and they stick their middle fingers up at me cos im a fucking prep and apparently I flame all da time (wateva dat means). It makes me rlly sad and I scream a lot. But I don't slit muh wrists cos that's well goffik and I don't like the sight of blood.

What I really love the sight of: is clothes. Ik that makes me sound gay but I mean… maybe. Like today, I am wearing a pink shirt and a bright orange sweater vest (AN: Hope hav u got my sweeter?) and a tartan klit that shows my rlly long legs and the big white socks that come up to just below my knee. They have knitted versions of Scarlut Johansen on them. She is smiling. And I have white satin boots on. They reflect the heat when I wak on da beach.

Ik this might sound like a very garish utfit, but if u dnt like the way I dress then fook off – this is ma style and I probably woldn't like your style it would probs be goffik anyway. And goffs hate me. Funny, I hat dem too now.

I was sat on da beach wiv ma best friend. Her name was Merereredith Frm Da Parant Tarp (AN: Geddit). She was muh best friend. Her hair was rlly blond and cos it was sunny, it was more blonde. She smiled with her teeth. She was wearing a wedding dress and she was a proud virgin who had no interest in men.

"I'm so happy that I'm a virgin." Merdith said to me, suicidially.

I agreed.

"Yep."

"And why are you happy?" Mereddith asked me, her eyes were full of questions "You are smiling. But normally ya look sad cos the goffs from skewl hate you."

"Well…" My nips trembled at the question Medith was asking me.

"I think I'm happy cos there are no dragonz in the worldanymore. And it was all rlly bad when they were around." I shouted.

"Yeah. They burned loods of pepple. And people didn't deserve burned."

"Yah." I shat "My parents were killed by a dragon"

"Oh no. you never told me" Merdith scremed.

"I know. I only found out this morning when I was having my coco pops. My uncle Katniss Everdeen told me that parents were muredere dby a dreagon years ago before I was born. MY MOTHER had her head beatn off and my dad was kicked into a hole by the dragon. They were both burned after that."

"That's terrible." Medith said, as tears of blood stremed down her feces "In that vaxe it is a rlly gud thing that there are no more dragons in the world."

Suddenly… … … … … …

… … …

A dragon landed on the beach (AN: WTF?!1?1!? CRAZY AMIRITE - bet u dint see dat comin). It had big black scales and a big black head – it was a goffik dragon! My fri end Merdith From Da Parant Trap scremed and her face turned whit with fear. She quickly picked her camera off the floor, and went to take a photo to prove that dragons stll existed.

Tge dragon looked at her. And it roared. Sexily. Blood flew out of its mouth. She shat herself and slid into a swimming pool for safety. Then the dargon looked at me. I ran at it, brandishing my big wanf, and summoning a gun in my hand.

"Crookshanks!" I bullowed! The cat flew at the dragon but ig got burned. The dragon laughed at me and it had shit teeth. I tried to hsoot my gun, but I wuz too slow.

The dargon grabbed me with its big red claws and liftit me up to its face. I could see dark misery in his eyes. Then he threw me on a roof top. I landed face down and my face was in a pile of bird shit and I cried bloody tears down my face. I turned around to fae the dragon again and it sta;ked towards me – the ground shook as it pounded with its feet.

"DUMBLYDORE!" A friendly voice shreekfed from my right. I looked over and standing in a window was Gandlaff. He had a white microwa e in his hand. I lookd athim with puzzles in my expr4ession.

"thru this at the dragion!" my friend told me, and so I did.

Sadly, it was only on setting no.4 so it didn't burn the dragon at all. He laughed at my feeble attentpt outfight him and he opened up the microwave before placing in the leftover Chinese fro last night – a sweet n sour pirk with some eggbfrie rice. He laughed at me for 4 minutes while the fd heated up. He was a dargn so it didn#t matter if the rice wusnt heated properly (AN: Kids dnt ttry this at home cook rice properly – rice shud be stming hot b4 u eat it. Or u get the shits.)

After he ate his Chinese (he ddnt offer me any what a dick- like all da goffs I no) he smacked me in da face and ripped of my glasses.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!11111" I scremed but I was too late to get dem back. He flew away arngiyl and he was gone. I cried and scrmed, sexily.

Then there was a hand on my shoulder. It was Gandlaff..

"You alright?" He questioned, seductively.

"go fuk urself." I said = I even scared myself cos I sounded goffik when I sad it. And I'm defo not a gof cos fuck dem. Preps 4 lyf!

I ran to my house on the hill cos I waz sad and was crying. There were budy tears on my feces. I sat in the bath (THINKIN BOUT SLITTIN MYUH WRISTS) WHILE justin beaver sang baby in his sweet angelic voice. (not in a creepy way cos he was like 7 when he sang dat song and dumbleydore is not peedo). I got out of da bath and I put on my hottest tuxedo (it had a picture of Jlo on the back) and looked in the mirror. I looked great. I went to bed all sad about my missing glasses.

AN: HOW GOOD IS IT?!/!?/!?/1!? Leave revowis.