RWBY's Commentary of Lady in the Water (Part 2 - Final)
Ruby continues the review after she, Yang, Blake and Weiss returned from lunch, "So, fearing this story is one hundred percent like coke ravings, Korean Britney Spears brings back the dramatic tone. Just try to listen to this with any hint of seriousness.", the scene showing the woman explaining the narfs, causing team RWBY to laugh so hard.
"Okay, we're sure Shyamalan is hearing this really intense dramatic story, but to the rest of the world, all we can hear is...narf spoke by Pinky from Pinky and the Brain! We would give anything if the twist of the movie was that the entire time, it was Pinky and the Brain trying to take over the world! Literally, every single problem would be fixed if they just do that twist! It's a Warner Brothers movie, MAKE IT HAPPEN!", Yang suggested as a point.
Blake nods, then synopsizing, "Speaking of which, the master writer is told that his writing is going to change the world, and give inspiration, we shit you not here, to the future president.", the scene showing M. Night Shyamalan's character talking to Story. "But also, yeah, gets even better, his ideas will be so dangerous that someone will eventually take his life because of them. And yet, he still chooses to write the story. Sacrificing himself not only for his art, but for the world.", she spoke.
"...Wow. Is it windy on that egotistical high horse that you built for yourself? I mean, heck, you might even imagine seeing his boner growing with every praising word!", Weiss reacted, before covering her face in disgust by the imaginable thought. "That would be a messy story. Just don't think of that!"
Ruby comments despite that, "So Giamatti is told that by Rofio's mother will only tell the rest of the story if she can see him like a child. So...we can't even...just watch.", the scene showing Giamatti's character putting milk on his moustache when drinking it, laying down on the couch, acting like a innocent child as he smiles. RWBY when watching this scene has the same shocked expressions that they took at the time during their field trip, nodding while watching the scene.
"Okay, so...let's say this represents the world of sanity. And it represents the edge of sanity. And lastly represents the world of insanity... You would be on MARS, you are so frigging gone! Because we have no idea where the hell you are to come up with a scene this goddamn bonkers! We mean, what the hell is going on? Is this what you do with all your Oscar nominated actors? Make them look like they're jerking off sideways while peeing like a dog? That's not acting like a child, that's acting like three lobotomies were given to you in maple syrup!", Yang argues about this scene, her eyes changed from lilac to red. "WHAT ARE YOU?"
Blake calms Yang, "Okay, Yang, just calm down. There's nothing to get overreacted about.", as Yang relieves from her rage, thus Blake continues the review of the movie for the next scene, "So the Narf can't say anything about her world for...reasons. But it's okay because she touches her ear to answer yes or no questions, as that doesn't count for...reasons. So there's a Symbolist, a Guardian, a Healer, and a Guild he's supposed to find in order to help her. And before you say anything, yes, this simple bedtime story is as goddamn complicated as a freaking D&D game!", this scene with one of the characters asking Story a question about the Symbolist or Interp
"We don't know, let's roll the dice and find out!", Weiss answers the character in the scene, pulling out a couple dices and dropping them on the floor, she, Blake, Ruby and Yang watching the dice.
Ruby replies, "Lucky number seven. Ni-i-ice.", continuing the story, "So he goes to the crossword guy and his increasingly strange son.", the next scene showing Paul's character talking to Jeffrey Wright's father character and his young son, the latter sadly reminded about where he didn't pick him up at school as he looked at his Fruity Pebbles cereal box.
"...Are we in Wonderland?", asked Yang suspiciously in a daze as she reacts to this scene with Ruby, Blake and Weiss again, continuing on to the next scene with Paul's character and the group of people seeing Story in the shower, "Anyway, he finds the others as well and takes them to a naked cut up lady he's keeping in his shower. This raises no concerns.", the scene showing Jeffrey's character with the crossword to Paul's character about his statements.
Blake too responds to this moment in the movie, "Really? THAT'S weird? You're using a crossword puzzle to predict the future in front of a naked woman who's been kidnapped by the Sideways guy, and THAT'S FRIGGING WEIRD?!", the next scene snippet showing the critic in the movie and Paul's character outside at the pool conversating.
"The funny thing is, even by bedtime story standards, there's practically no action in any of this. We mean, did Shyamalan actually read this to his kids every night?", supported Weiss.
Ruby agreed, "Yeah, Weiss, we can tell. He would be like, 'And then they sat around the shower for a bit doing crosswords, as Mr. Heep tours the apartments for a fifth time to talk to even more people.', and the kid would be like, 'Daddy, can you read us Snow White?', and he would respond, 'Kids, that story doesn't have nearly enough references to another story to make it interesting. This is a bedtime story for a new generation.' , and the kid would say, 'But that's boring, we can barely stay awake.', and he will answer to them, 'That means it's working.' Seems very interesting to me."
"So he can apparently see the Scrunt by walking backwards and looking in the mirror. Why? Because it's less complicated than doing jumping jacks and looking through a fruit loop, just get used to nothing being explained!", Yang reviews on the next scene.
Blake also said, "The Scrunt scares him away, but to be fair, you were asking Paul Giamatti to protect you, what do you think was gonna happen? In fact, you saved him the first time. You really thought this was the guy who was gonna be on top of things, Story?", sighing in disappointment.
"So they work on a new strategy.", Weiss continues, the next scene showing Story saying that the Scrunt can hide unless it comes from hiding from it's environment. "...Doesn't that go without saying? He'll hide unless he can't hide? Confusing.", as she then was embraced by Blake pleasingly.
Ruby continues the story, "So they decide to throw a party to distract the Scrunt. Yeah, always good to throw other people's lives in there, as we're realizing getting closer and closer to the end, that this really shouldn't have been called Lady in the Water. She barely does a frigging thing! What they should have called it is Whispering, because that's all anybody does!"
"Love that title, sis, although Shyamalan thinks of that title as a work-in-progress filming codename. Even audiences would want the speakers to turn it up.", nods and answered Ruby's sister Yang, "So they wait for the eagle to come and get her as apparently nobody in the party would notice THAT, but hey, if they don't notice a grass dog attacking a woman and dragging her into the woods, we guess they didn't notice that either."
Blake included, "Oh! By the way, a grass dog attacks her and drags her into the woods. Oh no, this is terrible! What should we do? ...More crosswords!", the next scene with Wright's character having more crosswords for some ridiculous reason.
"But big shock, they start to ask, what if this is a little crazy?", Weiss mentions, the scene showing with a group of people, and Mr. Heep and Wright's character having a conversation. "What heartless demon who gives points of art has doomed mankind for all eternity?", she asks.
Then, team RWBY gasp loudly as they saw the next part of the movie that shown, "The critic!", as the four, Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss, respond hatefully as a audience booing sound was heard towards the scene, "Boooooo! BOOOOOOOO!"
"If only he praised Shyamalan, we mean any random writers of their genius!", Ruby commented this part, "But no. He had to point out the faults of movies like Signs, we mean any random story! This is all so obviously about Shyamalan, we mean Shyamalan, we mean Shyamalan, we mean you! ...If you were Shyamalan. You know what, that's too much.", the last part towards to the reader.
"Look at this, he writes the critics so one-dimensionally that he actually confuses real life for a movie.", Yang continued, the scene showing the critic speaking in a writer's kind of thoughts, which made the four girls laugh a bit, "We're sorry... This- This is really hard. It's really hard for us to get through this, we-", before team RWBY laughs again for a bit, "...cause that's all they are! That's all critics are."
Blake and Weiss then supports, "It's literally just...'My life is a movie, everything is connected to movie, I am robot, I judge and hate everything!'", snickering in laughter with Ruby and Yang, the two joking, "'There is no personal vendetta going on at all, it is all about you, the personal artists at home, it is not one individual person who probably isn't in this film somewhere, I mean, I can't see him at all, it's just too subtle, but maybe he's in the movie!'", before the two lovebirds laugh hard with Ruby and Yang to this joke, "We're sorry, we're sorry, this is so unprofessional and we should just stay serious. That won't happen again, we like need to just get out a little bit more probably."
"So...after that...stellar satire criticism, really SNL (Saturday Night Live) worthy, they start to wonder if anybody else could be the Interpreter.", Ruby told again, the next scene then showing Wright's character's son explaining the reason as he stares at his cereal boxes in the cupboard. Again, as team RWBY watched this scene, the four were amazedly opening their mouths in silent laughter, laughing their heads off to the point where the girls slammed their hands on their knees in amused laughter, RWBY doing sign language in translation,
We are using sign language as we're laughing too hard to speak! This can't be real! THIS IS INSANE!
The four girls then, after a few moments of hard inaudible laughter, team RWBY lets out a loud and amused laughter, to this scene with the boy telling the story whilst staring at cereal boxes, and the team finally stopped laughing a bit as Ruby and Yang told, "People, you are not stoned, you are not high, you are seeing this correctly! A little boy with incredible detail, is predicting the future of an ancient civilization...by staring at cereal boxes! CEREAL BOXES! Oh my god, we are crying, we're absolutely crying, this is so funny!"
"What is he going to see? The Cookie crook will go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs when Captain Crunch's neck goes snap, crackle and pop and it'll be grrrrrreat?! What- Were the fortune cookies too hard to understand?!", Blake and Weiss then jokes as the four girls laughed again. "WE CAN'T BREEEEEEATHE!"
Afterwards, the four girls stop laughing again as Ruby resumes, "Okay, onto the spice rack, where I will predict the Second Coming of...", before the team laughs once more, the four finally stop laughing completely. The next part of the movie shows the boy telling them about the ceremony of the seven sisters, the red member watching this commenting, "But it really just said Cinnamon Toast Crunch..."
"It turns out Giamatti has to be the Healer because, well, symbolically, it ties to his family and that dead horse is so kicked, you can see the Nike symbol indented into it. It, of course, brings her back to life, as the big Shyamalan twist is finally revealed!", Yang said then.
When the girls watch the next climatic scene, as Blake says, "Oh my god, it takes place at The Cove! Wait, we already knew that, why did you cut to that? What the hell's the twist?", the scene showing Reggie in the movie as Mr. Heep says he's the Guardian. "Reggie's the guardian? Wow, I didn't know cliffnotes could serve as twists now. We mean like, 'Ooooh, you really got me, aaaaahhh...to look at the movie a different way now..."
"And then apparently...these things come out.", summarized Weiss, as it shows tree-like creatures helping attack the Scrunts. "It would be like, I am Groot. Your ass is grass. That rhymes by the way.", before looking at the next part of the climax with the girls showing the eagle, "The eagles are coming, the eagles are coming! The Great Eatlon, the eagles are coming!", the four girls giggling.
Ruby and Yang then says the conclusion of the film, "And no kidding, that's the ending. Yeah, the eagle picks Story up, and it just stops. Even Giamatti has a look on his face like, That's it? Are you kidding me? My two-minute cameo in Downton Abbey was more of my time than this? Some sort like that."
"People, we know we haven't reviewed The Happening yet, but will do so and we believe it'll be fun, but where else can you see a Narf outrunning a Scrunt, with Paul Giamatti waving his leg and touching himself in front of two women, helped by a guy who predicted the future by crosswords, who gave birth to a prophet who can read mythologies that are part of a complete breakfast, with a critic that dares call this all insane, portrayed as the bad guy, with tree Hulks beating up grass stains with teeth, while a giant eagle picks up a whispering tart whose only job was to tell a person to write a book, and the twist centers around a guy we only saw for two minutes in the opening!", spoke the conclusion of the review by Blake and Weiss.
Ruby concluded, "How can this not be a masterpiece of madness? Complete and total entertaining madness. You know what again, we're finished with Lady in the Water and we're gonna deal with this with Robyn. I'm Ruby, and these are my friends Yang, Blake and Weiss, and we remember it so you don't have to! We hope to see you on the next review.", glad to be done with the disappointment of Lady in the Water, ending the movie.
The four of them leave their dorm room where they meet Robyn Hill once again.
"How was the movie?", nicely said Robyn.
Ruby told her, "We need to talk."
"Alright.", Hill replied, as RWBY leads her into their dorm room, allowing her to look around, "Nice room.", before she and team RWBY sat as she asked, "What is it that you wanted to tell me?"
The leader of team RWBY questioned, "Tell us what did you think of Shyamalan's genius method in making this film."
"Okay.", sighs the Atlas graduate, "Well, I believe he was trying to get across how creative artists are always kept town by cynicism."
Yang presumes, "Ah, so the woman's story actually represents the artist's story."
"I think he never knew if he made it clear enough.", discussed Robyn.
Blake says, "And, am I correct in thinking that the character of the critic is a subtle jab to the people who don't understand his work? Shyamalan's work?"
"I believe so. You don't think that came off too strong, do you?", Hill asked them.
Weiss replies, "Of course not. We thought it was downplayed, actually."
"So, he wanted to get across that all the people in the world who criticize, who believed they're the real death of dreams.", presumes the Mantle politician.
Ruby precisely says, "And the way he came up with those incredible names, it sounds like they came from a language that's existed for years!"
"Well...I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it very well.", understood Robyn, "But hopefully M. Night Shyamalan may redeem himself with his future films. But...yeah. Thanks for letting me come over for the movie. See you later.", as she bids team RWBY farewell and left their dorm room.
The four look on, as Ruby then says about Robyn, "What a charm she is."
End of RWBY's Commentary of Lady in the Water
Next Up: A Special Episode of RWBY's Commentary (Original Idea and Written by Myself)
Hint - It is a sci-fi horror ripoff of one of the most popular movie series.
