AN: OIIIIIIIIIIITS BEEN SO LONG BABIES. IVE BEEN AWAY SORTING OUT MY LIFE AND MAKING MY LIFE WORSE IN THE PROCESS! ADELE CAME BACK TOO, SO I GOT A DIVORCE SO I COULD FEEL INVOLVED!
Cher from With Love - Cher (1968) had asked us to do something really important to help hunt down the dragon. sO OBVIOUSLY WE INTSTANTLY FORGIT TI DO THAT ABD WENT TO THE cows face tavern for a drink with our good friend, Olivia Rodrigo and unexpectedly saw there our good friend Olivia Rodrigo - the Billboard 2022 women of the year.
'Hi sly women' Rodrigo said to me. 'Hi there. Wot r u doing ere?' I axe.
'just ort of chilling out really, having a good time, checking out all the local KKK rallies and such. R u hunting that dragon or wot?'
'I am.' I shit. I shit so hard that it come out of ym eyes.
Alice was beside me, swinging back and forth like a lampshadeeeee but there was on list coming out of her head.
'didn't know you were a racist...' I eek.
'No no, I'm going to the Kim Khloe and Kim Konvention.'
'But that is four k's'
'thick shits they don't know any better.'
Elijajaja crooned at me. He had taken up residence behind the piano and a voice was leaking out of his mouth. So erotic and sweet it was.
'Have you seen this dragon around? Cos 4 the lye of us we cannot find it... not even using that map that leads to its house.' I cry.
'No I haven't seen the dragon, but I'll tell you what I have see; the dragon.'
I was shocked. Dropped my pint glass and it shattered all over elijaj's face because for somer reason he was lying under my stool. How cliche of that little pervert.
'WHERE DD YOU SEE THIS DRAGON?' I BELLOW LIKE A WOUNDED OX.
'In my bathroom. I was in the bathroom. The daring was n tin the bathroom. But ut the window I cud see it dying around in the ointment of the night. Some grand obelisk of scale and claw and fire and fury.'
'Yeah, yeah. buT WHAT DID IT DO?' 'Well... It was speaking to a man.' 'Who?'
'Im not sure, I think I know the man from my days on High School musical: the musical: the series: the tv series: season 1: episode 3: sene 4: line 9: word 6. His name was Uncle FlyTrap GoldenShower.
'No way.' The earth shattered aroun d me. My uni was a dragon sympathizer. He may as well have fucking killed me as a bay for all the good it is doing him being mates with that dragon that killed my mum and dad - his brother and his sister! That sssooooo awful, also cant believe I'm a product of massive incest. But ye hate that man no. My parents were called names like Jagged Little Pill - the musical and Witcher 3 Combat music megamix. They r dead now - remember I told you that about two years ago at the start of this story?
'yeah I think it was him; pretty sure. I'd know those sexy ankles anywhere.'
'Yeah he does have hot ankles tbf.' I thought about my ankle's uncles, and the way they curved into his soft mellow hands.
'Perhaps you should speak to him...' Alice whisopered from inside my pint glass that wwas still beside me and hadn't shattered on the floor at all. It is a good idea, I say to hre, and I stroke her head softly as if she is a bloody awful kitten.
'What did they say?'
'I don't know. I had my earphones in and couldn't hear anything - not even the music because the dragon was speaking so loud!'
'YesM I understand. I shall go and speak to my uncle - which way did he fly?'
'In the vague direction of Spain.'
'Truly he is the Spanish enderman then... First stop central Slovakia then... then down through Croatia and a brief stop over in China. See ya soon ms Olivia btw when are you doing another album / can you be fucked at all?\
'Yeah I will. I'm just doing another series of high school musical: the slide show: the excel sheet: the word document. Then ill get right on it and make some music or something like that but idk mate.'
SHE WAS A MASSIVE LIAR.
Then we went to fucking Spain (via West Imperial Germanic Union) .
