A Special Episode of RWBY's Commentary - Alien 2: On Earth (Part 2 - Final)

A few minutes after the four members of team RWBY fainted from the horrifying scene in the end of the last chapter, the four finally woke up consciously, panting as Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss look to the screen and gasp to the sight of the gory decapitated head of Phil in the ripoff movie paused still.

"Deep breath. Let's restart this scene.", Ruby said as she and the three other girls took deep breaths, the leader quickly rewinding the movie to the part with the small alien bursting out of Jill's face in the ripoff. "Okay. Let us say THREE problems about this scene.", Ruby told.

"First off, the way the small alien comes out of the face, is the WORST in any of the Alien ripoffs out there. Seriously, it comes out of the FACE instead of the chest in the original! My gods, it doesn't run away or act like a Facehugger! It just cuts off someone else's neck off like there's no tomorrow!", Yang spoke the first reason.

Blake supported the second reason, "Also, the way the alien baby lunges towards the camera was like trying to be a 3D movie with a shot reminiscent of Friday the 13th Part 3! That's not what an Italian 3D movie or an Alien movie works, guys!"

"And last but not least, the way the alien was slicing Phil neck off as he screams was horrible! The blood, the design, everything about the creature in this scene! God, it looks like a blanketed neck massager belly-dancing while TOO dressed with spaghetti or tomato sauce, but with fake blood on top of the blanket! No offence though, Italy. We only hate this movie so far but everything else, Italy.", Weiss told the last and third reason, apologizing about Italy.

Ruby continued the story, "Despite this, Thelma, Roy and the remaining friends then retreat and flee away from the scene, but realize they have to go back for their equipment. Really? You have to go back? THERE'S NO TURNING BACK IN AN ALIEN FILM!", the next part of the scene showing Burt suspensefully tries to get the equipment as he sees a strange pulsating substance, but he gets startled by one of his friends as she helped him get away from the strange substance. "Seriously? That's your jumpscare? Pretty immature. Bad job, Ippolito. Very bad job.", Ruby then commented.

"Unluckily the group splits into teams in order to find their way out.", Yang says. "That is, when two of Thelma's friends Maurine and Burt were searching for a way out too for one example, so it's only a matter of time before something goes-", she explained, before this next scene shows a small rat attacking one of Thelma's friends, Maurine, by trying to chew on her leg. "A small rat, are you fucking kidding me? It's not even the alien! Are you telling us four that the rat is infected by the alien? Or probably mind-controlled? Presumably the latter.", the sister of Ruby complained.

Blake then reviews, "However Maurine gets lost somehow in the caves, while the cheesy seemingly-repeated music was heard in the background. Also...are these filmmakers cheap for this too? They somehow play the music over and over again for certain scenes in this $240,000 dollar ripoff! That ruins the atmosphere, people!", as the next scene then shows Maurine suddenly notices something happening in the cavern parts she's in, which looks like the stalagmites she was nearby, was pulsating.

"What? The walls are closing in? The walls are closing in! SOMEBODY HELP!", Weiss realizes in this scene and imitates Maurine, the next part of the scene with Burt finding Maurine, who was being attacked by the unseen alien with multiple shown bloodied tentacles of some sort, which made the four RWBY girls' eyes wide to this scene.

Ruby criticized, "Okay...are you sure that's the best you can do? We don't know, but your movie's effects are as cheesy as actual rotten cheese! The tentacle props look like they're from some sort of ripoff for an octopus movie, but more gory!", the scene they're watching then shows Maurine and Burt being killed by the alien horridly as their faces were covered with blood, Maurine's with a grown hole in her eye, leaning down and pouring blood onto Burt's helmet. "And look at that! Even though the alien has sucked her eye out, it reminds us at the scene in A Christmas Story, no offence, where people during the entire movie warn the kid of the BB Gun he wanted that he'll shoot his eye out! That scene needs a lot of improvement. And we do mean, A LOT in this movie. Your grade is an F!", she says, putting a stamp on the horrible scene that says, Failure!, before adding, "I would give an E minus for effort though."

"Meanwhile with Thelma, Roy and the two remaining friends of theirs, one named Cliff, they had to stop somehow when Roy hurts his ankle.", Yang summarizes, "You know what they say with Energizer? A word of advice... KEEP GOING!", the next scene showing Cliff, the second-to-last friend of Thelma's, deciding to search for Maurine and Burt. "Oh, too bad, bucko. Because we already seen that THOSE TWO ARE DEAD! Seriously, this guy is going to a trap, and he's going to be killed off like the rest of the other characters! Imagine if we invited Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars over and we would be watching this awful movie. It would be like...", she commented.


In RWBY's imagination, the four were watching the movie with Admiral Ackbar, and the scene where Cliff decides to find the already-deceased Maurine and Burt, made Ackbar blurt out, "IT'S A TRAP! Don't do it!"

"We know, indeed it is, Admiral Ackbar. Oh, and they also made a Turkish ripoff of Star Wars.", Ruby and Yang nod.

Ackbar answered back, "WHAT? IT'S A TRAP!"

"Yeah. The Ottoman Empire Strikes Back.", murmurs Blake and Weiss.


"So, Cliff did try and search for Maurine and Burt, while Thelma, Roy and their last friend were communicating with him through the radio.", Blake synopsizes, "However, things get stranger AND worse at the same time when the radio dies.", the scene showing the radio dead as Roy tries to answer back, "Answer me!", like what Thelma did earlier. "Oh, come on, does the writer-director know that he's REPEATING one of the same lines over and over? Because this script is as cheap as a $5-10 meal!", before the movie shows Thelma strangely communicating and warning Cliff that something's wrong

Weiss questions to the scene, "Wait, and somehow, how did Thelma communicate with him? Is she psychic?", before the next part shows Cliff then attacked all of a sudden by a nearby alien, which the camera angle looks like the alien tentacles lowering down and carrying Cliff up.

Ruby stuttered and says, "Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! Is that what we think it is? Seriously, your cinematography and editing sucks! It makes us think that a hellish figure chose Cliff and ascended into the deeper part of Hell or something! Like, if you think this movie could be advertised as a theme park ride, you are wrong! We can't even bear the thought of either Kings' Dominion, Six Flags or any other theme park in the world using this! Nobody would come to that ride because this movie's so fucking scary..."

"However, Thelma and Roy find Cliff again alive and well after that strange alien attack. Gee, wonder if that was a vision or something in the movie.", Yang then describes, "Unfortunately, Thelma believes it is not him, and panics once again.", the scene showing Thelma talking to Cliff and panicking that it's not the actual Cliff that she knows of.

Blake and Weiss supported, "And, suddenly out of nowhere at that very moment, THIS happens.", the next part shows Thelma shaking her head violently as she panics, before she stares at Cliff, which shocks the four RWBY girls.

"What are you doing...?", asked Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss unsurely, as we see shots switching between Thelma looking at Cliff, and Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss watching this scene, switching back and forth as the five stared, like if the girls were like Cliff in that scene. Then as Cliff's helmet-light was shaking violently too in the movie-

BOOM!

Cliff's head explodes reminiscent of Scanners, and we see the four girls hyperventilating and realizing in fear, watching this scene when the alien reveals itself as a bloody-disgusting mess!

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss scream out, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT THHHHEEEEEEEEEEEE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK?!", in extreme terror, horribly-screeching alien sounds heard in the ripoff movie scene as it shows Roy getting Thelma out of the way from the alien, the last friend of theirs being killed instead of Thelma, the two were screaming for their friend before the two run away from the alien.

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss, after the scariest scene in the entire movie, were shocked and traumatized for this scene, almost getting heart attacks from it, but not fainting from this again. The four relax and Ruby says, "Italians. Let us say this loud and clear...", before the four breathed in and out and all yelling, "Are you fucking insane?!", Ruby explaining, "Here are FOUR more reasons why this scene is also scary and awful! My sis Yang will start off."

"First of all, the way Thelma and Cliff stared at each other, it tries to mash up a combination of Carrie, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and The Good, The Bad and the Ugly! What is this, some mishmash genre of...sci-fi, horror...spaghetti western...supernatural thriller cheap-knockoff-based-on-Alien-that-doesn't-make-any-sense-at-all? Ippolito, you're crazy!", Yang says the first of the four reasons.

Blake says the second, "Second, the moment before Cliff's head explodes similar to Scanners, you can see that Cliff was looking like a wax museum model! Are you kidding us? You were planning to put that in a WAX MUSEUM in Italy? Again, we still don't hate you for that, Italy. We only hate this movie."

"Third, the alien's design is disgustingly the WORST we ever seen in an Alien film! It kinda looks like a Made-In-Italy work-in-progress bloodied design of the scary bunny rabbit puppet from Twilight Zone: The Movie! As well as with the worst cheesy and somehow ear-splitting Alien sound effects added to it! Not like ANY of the actual Alien series work!", Weiss says the third reason.

And Ruby said the final fourth reason, "And lastly, since Thelma now has telepathic powers that we didn't notice until now, she was first brave towards exploding Cliff's head and revealing the alien, but when the last of their friends got killed when Roy gets her out of the way, she was scared again! What the hell? Ippolito, there must be something wrong with your character personalities in the movie! God, it's like Thelma's personality went from full Carrie to full Cowardly Lion in less than a minute! Not to mention Lionheart back at Haven Academy. Like, imagine if the Cowardly Lion took on the role as Carrie, it would be so...unimaginable!"


In RWBY's imagination once again, we see the Cowardly Lion dressed up with a tux as he was holding an award and blue ribbon for Best Dressed at the ball of some sort, giving a speech, "Thank you, thank you... I like to thank everything especially my courageous bravery for this award, and-"

A bucket of blood was suddenly poured from offscreen onto the Cowardly Lion, drenching him, before everyone in the room laughed at him, like Carrie.

"Oh no! I got drenched in blood! People are laughing at me! What should I do...?!", the Cowardly Lion panics.

That was before a close-up shows him becoming angry-looking with a glaring stare towards everyone in the room, as they were shocked and in a few moments of the Cowardly Lion staring at everyone, as everyone in the party screamed when everyone but the Cowardly Lion exploded in a fiery fashion.

The Cowardly Lion reverts back to his scared behavior, "Oh my god! I accidentally killed everyone! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me...!", kneeling down and panicking, for forgiveness.


"So the two remaining survivors, Thelma and Roy manage to escape both the alien and the caves to certain freedom. Which is pretty obvious that there may be a secret exit from the gateway of terror they passed through since it was so deep.", Ruby continues the story, "As the two make it to their car, and they drive their way back for help.", the next scene showing Thelma and Roy escaping at last.

Yang then says, "Then they drive off from the site and go to get some help back to the city by retracing the path. But apparently, they come across a police car on the side of the road, but strangely, no police officers were in the car.", before the four girls shrugged to this next scene in the movie, the blonde supposed, "...Maybe they're taking a snack and coffee break at a Tim Hortons or Dunkin' Donuts in the middle of nowhere...? Because that's what police officers basically do."

"Thelma and Roy also try the roadside cafe they went to earlier, but again, no one was inside.", Blake says the next scene, before asking, "Did the two come across a portal to another dimension or alternate universe? Did the aliens have something to do with it? Because it seems like it! After all, this movie takes place in the USA instead of Italy, still we don't offend Italy for it.", objectifiably stating afterwards, as the movie shows Roy trying to call on the payphone outside the cafe, but the operator wasn't answering; the Faunus commented, "Uh oh, maybe the operator's in the middle of watching a Fifty Shades marathon or watching the Super Bowl. Is everyone in that part of the land gone somewhere, like maybe evacuated to Alberquerque or went away like in one of the Spongebob episodes?"

Weiss resumes the plot, "Then the two manage to return to the city, and like earlier with the operator, the police officers and at the cafe, no one was on the streets, and is deserted or abandoned.", before the Schnee girl proved, "Deserted and abandoned- A car is driving on the BOTTOM LEFT!", the four rewatching a snippet where a car was shown driving far on the street on the shot where Roy and Thelma arrive at the bowling alley from earlier, "You'd prove this to be one of the biggest and easiest eyecatching errors in horror movie history if you see that! It's like if the film crew couldn't afford to use the entire street for just one shot! Or perhaps, traffic must be much really quiet around that time."

"They then go to the bowling alley to see if anyone's there, but unfortunately, not anyone, not even the funny black guy from earlier was even there! It's like if everyone disappeared with one snap of a finger, Thanos style! ...Did the aliens do something to make it look like an acid nightmare trip? We are having a motherload of questions from this mishmash of a mockbuster.", Ruby questions, discussing, "And so, the two split up and looked around a bit in this uncomfortable atmosphere, and again, they need to survive from all the alien terror that's gonna happen. Which this scene shows nothing but pinball machines, a Coca-Cola vending machine, and-"

This next scene in the movie shows Roy's scream heard, Thelma alerted as she decides to find him whilst scared, going to the back of the bowling alley, as Yang shudders, "Please don't let there be a jumpscare, please don't let there be a jumpscare...", the scene showing Thelma walking up a few set of stairs in the back room before she screams in fear to see what was off-screen up there, which confuses team RWBY. "You're afraid...of the darkness? This scene doesn't make any sense at all! This makes this movie look like a slasher psychological thriller; you have telekinesis, Thelma! Work on that!", the movie with Thelma running out of the room and running far on the right in the back of the bowling alley, before it shows a disgusting image of an alien's POV through either it's eye or mouth, pulsating as Thelma was shown screaming.

"GAAAH!", Blake and Weiss startled with Ruby and Yang, as Thelma escapes from the alien, who she realized her husband Roy is now dead too; "Is that what we think it is? Your crappy alien looks like THIS? A pulsating sphincter POV? The movie poster looks like some kind of a disfigured face of a humanoid Italian human or something with some sort of eyeball, and this doesn't look anything like it! This design looks like it wants us to see the alien's digestive system, as if they had made a book called The Anatomy of an Italian-Ripoff Alien!", the scene showing Thelma escaping from the back of the bowling alley, only to see a couple more aliens which startle her as she tries to get away from them.

Ruby and Yang continues, "Miraculously, Thelma hits one of the aliens with either a bowling ball or bowling pin, who manages to get out of the bowling alley, running through the empty streets.", the climatic scene of the movie showing Thelma panicking and running, calling for help as she runs through the streets, saying 'Answer me!', once more multiple times before stopping and sitting on the sidewalk; "OH, REALLY? That sounds like the movie's catchphrase, everybody! It's completely stupid with this repeating quotes in this movie! Imagine a slasher film, as if the character's only words trying to call someone on the cellphone to call for help who doesn't answer, says 'answer me' all the time!"


In the last imagination of team RWBY's, we see Ruby and Yang in a horror movie as their Pyrrha called, "Hello?"

"ANSWER ME!", Ruby and Yang answer.

Pyrrha asks, "Wha- Are you girls okay?"

"Answer me!", replied the two.

Their friend answered on the phone, "Well, you know what? I'm gonna have to call you back. Bye.", before she hangs up on Ruby and Yang, who then call 911.

"Answer me!", the two said again.


"And then...!", Blake and Weiss were about to say the next scene of the movie, before the four girls of RWBY say the conclusion of the ripoff movie dramatically, "She gave up. She was hopeless. No one. But her. All alone. With the aliens. Roy, and her friends, killed. Doomed. For all eternity.", the ending of the movie with Thelma saddenly sitting on the sidewalk while the repeated rock music was heard, before the tagline of the movie appears on screen.

Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss read, "...Ora PĂșo Colpire Anche Te. That's Italian for You may be next.", before they said the overall conclusion of the girls' review, "Overall, this movie is a complete nightmare for all of us! Imitating the sequel to the famous Alien movie is a total bullshit move for people who want to make an exact horrible replica of the sequel to Alien! James Cameron's Aliens was better than this, so this marks as one of the worst ripoffs of all time! Not even the talent of the directors of all the actual Alien entries was built into this fucking movie! Everything in this movie is done wrong! The directing, the story, the acting, the cinematography, the editing, the sound design, the special effects, the music, the premise, the pacing, EVERYTHING including the slow pace and the minimalist effects! They should NEVER had to make this movie in the first place! In fact, we should've never watched this movie at all because it'll definitely give us nightmares! This movie isn't for ANYONE who likes the Alien movies and never will be! Italy is mostly 99% good, but that 1% of that overall is this fucking movie and ALL other ripoffs and horrible horror films done in that country that exists in movie history! And we would definitely prefer Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, Alien: Resurrection, and the rest of the Alien franchise BETTER THAN THIS!", before Ruby took the disc out of their DVD player and put it back in the DVD case.

"STOLEN RIPOFF CRAPPY BULLSHIT, THIS MOVIE SUCKS ASS!", Ruby screamed, before she runs over to the window and throws the DVD out successfully unlike the time with the Son of the Mask DVD.


Salem told Cinder as they were strolling across Beacon Academy, "I don't understand, Cinder. We checked HMV at Vale again, Arthur lied!"

"I'd have to agree with you. When we get back, we are so gonna-", Cinder seriously agreed, before she and Salem heard something falling in one of the bushes behind them. "What was that?"

The goddess tells her, "Wait here.", going over to the bush and uncovering some of the leaves and prickles, before she grins to see that the Alien 2: On Earth DVD was lying on the bottom of the bush. "Excellent. Someone must've throw it out. Now we don't have to spend $5 on this DVD then. Anyway, let's go back and start my midnight sci-fi horror movie triple-feature marathon."

"What?", questioned Cinder in appall. "We came this way back and forth only for a movie that you're planning to watch for your marathon?!"

Salem was not shocked, rather challenged, "Seriously, yes. The worst films in mind with sci-fi horror in particular is what I'm watching. I already have Contamination and Inseminoid ready. Let's just tell Arthur we found it."

"Fine. Whatever.", groaned Cinder reluctantly, before she and Salem then walk and on their way back to the latter's castle.


Ruby goes back to her commentary chair with Yang, Blake and Weiss still sitting, the former taking a few more deep breaths, "We're team RWBY...we remember it so you don't have to...we're done with this movie! We're done!", the four concluding, "On to the next review, see you next chapter...", covering their faces in relief from the horrible movie.

End of A Special Episode of RWBY's Commentary - Alien 2: On Earth

Up Next: Ruby, Yang and Maka Albarn's Commentary on Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice