In this seventh non-canon review, Ruby and Yang buy a Blu-Ray of Fant4stic, the 2015 remake of 2005's Fantastic Four, which was hated by audiences and critics alike, as they review on how horrible it is. A continuation of my upcoming Fantastic Four (2005) review prequel in the story later on.

BEACON

Blake, Weiss, Pyrrha and Nora were going through the TV channels and Netflix selections in the dorm room, looking for something good and romantic to watch together.

However, while doing so, someone suddenly slammed the door open, startling the two girls.

"Hi, Blake! Hi, Weiss!", Ruby and Yang said when barging in the dorm.

Weiss breathed, "You scared us both. What is it now?"

"Yeah, we're trying to find a movie to watch on TV or on Netflix. Finished reading my book an hour ago."

"Sorry to interrupt your love time, you two, but we both bought another movie for us to review and watch, Fantastic Four, the newer version!", Ruby stated.

Nora excited, "The new version? How great!"

"We were just looking for something to watch, but glad we got a movie to watch.", Pyrrha sweetly said.

Yang reminded, "Remember that other Fantastic Four movie we did, and we also watched a bit of Daredevil on Netflix, about a week ago?"

"Yes, that was great. We should all do it again!", Ruby had an idea, "With the new Fantastic Four, AND we're gonna sit and watch a bit of Jessica Jones on Netflix!"

Blake and Weiss look at each other and answer, "It sounds like a great idea. Let's do it.", before Ruby and Yang join in with Blake, Weiss, Pyrrha and Nora as they snack on Doritos and Lays as they watch Jessica Jones.

Jaune and Ren came in the room as the former said, "What are you guys doing?", wondering, "Because to us, it seems like you're about to review a movie when you're watching Netflix."

"Well, yes, we're kinda brooding.", Ruby smiled.

Ren added, "Also because you may be doing the same thing you did last time, with Fantastic Four. Let me and Jaune guess...you're gonna watch the new version of Fantastic Four."

"Of course, guys.", Yang agreed.

Pyrrha and Nora got up and said, "Okay, we may have to go train and hang out now. Hope to see you later, maybe I'll go see you guys when we get back."

"Bye! It's gonna be fantastic!", team RWBY said, as team JNPR leaves, but just before Ruby said, "Or should we say, Fant-4-stic.", smirking.

RWBY's Commentary of Fant4stic (Part 1)

"Fox's DISASTROUS reboot of the Fantastic Four franchise was not only a critical, audience, AND box-office portal of suck, but even the director expressed his disappointment on Twitter before the film came out!", Ruby and Yang told details.

Blake and Weiss compliments, "Man, there's ouch, and then there's, gunshot! This would be the fourth time the Fantastic Four was BOTCHED cinematically. And it's sad that with such an impressive amount of failures, the most accurate representation is this one, what have you done?"

"Yeah, they get that bad. Some remake.", Ruby said, before beginning, "We'll start off. This is...Fantastic Four. The 2015 edition."

Fant4stic

Ruby and Yang start off, "The film opens with the Fox logo flashing the letter F, similar to how they flashed the letter X before the X-Men films. Honestly, if you wanted to give us any insurance, you'd flash getting Deadpool right. Eventually."

"We see a young Reed Richards getting distracted by his scientific ideas at school. Don't you know? American high school is where ideas go to die!", Blake and Weiss said, the first snippet shows the teacher offscreen, and a student, doing a Star Trek joke.

Ruby giggles, "Star Trek jokes, always wins over an entire class.", continuing, "We see his teacher, Homer Simpson," as she and her friends burst into laughter, nevertheless saying, "No, really, that's his voice actor Dan Castellaneta, which we call random, is not happy with his future goals."

During the scene where the young Reed is explaining his scientific goals, Yang mocked with her best Dexter (from Dexter's Laboratory) voice, "I am also working on a foolproof way to keep Dee Dee out of my room!", laughing hilariously.

Blake said, "I got one!", doing her best Homer Simpson voice when the teacher in the movie told Reed about the assignment to pick a real career, "Why can't you be a nuclear safety engineer? Or an astronaut? Or mayor? Or country singer manager? I could keep going, I've had over 188 jobs! You think YOUR franchise is running on fumes? PHEW!", laughing once again as Weiss joins laughing, embracing.

As they finish laughing, Weiss said, "But his friend Ben also seems to be having trouble when he goes home to a dysfunctional family.", who responds after seeing a abusive scene with Ben and his brother saying 'Clobberin' time', she says, "YAY, that lighthearted phrase is from an abusive household!", but for a moment, Ruby and Yang unsurely gave thumbs up with a cringe about this.

Ruby continued, "But Reed says he can get him out of this movie- I mean, situation. He just needs a power converter for his flux capacitor- I mean, remake of Explorers- I mean, teleporter!", accidentally mistaken the invention in the scene. "Sorry, terminology gone wrong here. Yang, what do you think it is?"

"Actually, Ruby, flux capacitor sounds more reasonable at this point.", Yang confides her sister, as Ruby thanked her, allowing her to comment during that scene when the young Reed hopes for his invention not to blow up, "Ohh, what every producer said when this movie premiered!", and also joking to when the test object was turned into ash when the invention finished, "Holy smokes, he made weed! They're gonna be the Fantastic 4/20!", laughing again with her friends.

Blake then said, "Years go by, as the two are ready to try their experiment again at the science fair.", as she giggled, "I'll try again.", doing another best Homer Simpson impression again when Reed (played by Miles Teller) explains his invention to his teacher, "MARGE! The eggheads are saying the word-things again!", the four laughing their heads off and Reed saying in the movie that it's a teleporter, continuing, "Yeah, whatever, nerd. When are you gonna stretch already?", the team giggling, Blake resuming, "The experiment makes the teleport to a location they're not sure of, so there's no proof it actually teleported, but it does result in a sonic boom so powerful, it destroys the basketball hoop."

"So hey, that's gotta count for someth-", Weiss thought, before the movie shows the teacher saying to Reed and Ben (played by Jamie Bell) that they're both disqualified from the fair, as she, Ruby, Yang and Blake, at the same time as Reed in the movie, says, "Wait, what?", the teacher saying it's a science fair, not a magic competition, as the team glared, "So...magic destroyed the basketball hoop? Jesus, what's it take to impress you, Homer?!"

Ruby looked on the bright side, "Well, thank God the director of a government-sponsored research institute working on interdimensional teleportation just HAPPENED to be there! No, really! Someone must've been eating Lucky Charms marshmallows to have that happen!"

"Does that happen a lot?", Yang, Blake and Weiss asked.

Ruby told, "Sometimes, guys. Not sure if it happens regularly, exactly.", the next part with Dr. Franklin Storm telling Reed and Ben they have accomplished interdimensional travel, that he's from The Baxter Foundation, and he likes to give them a full scholarship, "If I was him, I'd be like, 'I was going to give a grant for that papier-mache volcano, but I GUESS that's a little better.'", chuckling, "Nonetheless, they take him to a school so high-tech, they can't fully light their hallways as Reed tries to get friendly with the director's daughter, Sue Storm, played by Kate Mara.", this part with Reed asking Sue if she likes music.

"I would say as Sue, 'Oddly enough, no. What, sounds that form melodies? Is that still a thing?'", Yang inputs, before a snippet shows Sue and Reed talking, and the latter asking if he's that predictable when she said if he wants to be famous, "Well, when you're in this movie, it's hard NOT to be."

Blake pointed out when the movie mentions Victor Von Doom, "Yep, you heard that correctly! This dark, gritty realistic version of Fantastic Four, still has a guy named Von Doom in it! Because, 'Professor von Evilnasty' wasn't obvious enough!", sarcastically.

"Nevertheless, Storm is still convinced he should be brought on to the project.", says Weiss, and then joked in a scene with Storm and Von Doom, "Bullshit. You know Borat and Peter Dinklage stole my face! Hell, we even make a joke about it later."

Ruby added to this joke, "Figures, seeing how our box office will be on par with Bruno.", the four giggling again, as the red-black-haired huntress goes on when the scene shows Reed asking who it is at the lab, and Sue answers Victor, even though the shot doesn't clearly show him, and she acted as Reed, "'And why did I notice him, when literally nothing makes him stand out at all?' Anyway, but seriously, even the shot isn't composed so that you'll focus on him! I'm more likely to think THIS guy is Victor!", Ruby assuming the guy on the right side of the shot, "This is our villain, folks! Even the movie forgets he's SUPPOSED to be important!"

"They do see images though, from the parallel dimension that they're trying to get to.", Yang then said for her sister, and responds to Reed's monotone reaction in the movie that the dimension was beautiful, "'You can tell by the investment in my voice.' Also, they hope this new world can save our current one, as we're assuming Remnant, and especially Earth too, is being drained of it's color by FBI's Most Wanted Terrorists."

When hearing a Doctor Doom sarcasm joke by Sue in the same scene, Blake proves, "See? We don't even know how to take that. Was she making a joke, or just calling him by his name? Not to reference the gay film Call Me By Your Name at that last sentence, but still. It's like calling your bad guy Dr. Youreamonster, there'd just be some confusion down the road!"

"But it turns out Storm has another son named Johnny, played by Michael B. Jordan, who's a reckless troublemaker...in this scene. He is literally never reckless or causes trouble throughout the rest of the film.", criticized Weiss in a scene where Johnny was driving recklessly in a race, which ends up with him getting injured.

Ruby plotted, "So Johnny joins a world-changing experiment to get his car back...because, you know, LIFE...and is reintroduced to the team.", as an Adolf joke was heard in the film, with her saying, "You don't need to make fun of his name, it does it quite naturally on it's own. Glad it doesn't mention about you-know-who from Germany.", shuddering again to the thought.

"They have their little Making Stuff montage complete with 'doo-doo-DOO-doo' music, and it appears they've made a lot of progress.", stated Yang, a scene with Johnny and Sue with the latter saying it's fun having him here, "...Uhhh, did we miss that part? Not kidding, there has never been ONE moment of ANY of these characters smiling, except for ONE shot in the montage where they're eating, and NOT saying a word to each other! Is the movie's idea of building chemistry literally building chemistry?"

Blake also said after a snippet with Johnny telling Sue that he's only working to get his car back, "Sue would say, 'You don't understand. We had Chinese food! And doo-doo-doo music!'", also with another part where Sue wakes Reed up, "Ladies and gentlemen, that was our first action scene.", and summarized, "The time has come to test the portal on an unrendered model from Space Chimps, they would've used a real monkey, but apparently sitting in a chair was too dangerous, and it seems to be successful. But it turns out they DON'T want to use the inventors for the first human teleports. Doesn't that kinda go without saying?", the scene shown this part, also mentioning NASA.

"The...shuttle to the moon wasn't invented by Neil Armstrong, although he was the first man on the moon, and his iconic quote 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind', but they even make a reference to that later.", Weiss corrected, with Victor from the movie mentioning the Apollo spacecraft and Neil Armstrong, "Exactly! So...why did you think you were going?"

Ruby answers to an argument scene with Reed, Johnny and Victor, "Ahh, yes. Let's screw up a history-making experiment for your egos. I'm sure this will in no way- you know what, hold on a second. TURN ON A LIIIIIIGHT!", the sudden outburst startling Yang and causing Blake to hold Weiss in her arms, as Ruby apologizes, "Sorry girls, I just had to get it out just once.", continuing after she clears her throat, "...I'm sure this will in no way muck everything up. But in order to destroy everything they worked for, our three scientists need one more to go with them.", shrugging, "Well, we're sure you're all thinking of the same brilliant mind who had such a big impact...Ben. Disappointed that it's not Sue, but it's...Ben."

"Yeah...because, you know, why the hell not? He has no scientific mind, done literally nothing, and outed himself as so useless that he just LEFT Reed before they even started building it! So...of course! Of course it should be here!", Yang sured as a scene from the movie has Reed calling Ben, "Oh yeah, Broomhandle-Arms is really gonna be trouble for any danger out there! Surely he must be drunk. Even MORE reason to do it! Why didn't the moon landing go a different way?"

Blake said, "Yeah, I can imagine if a drunken NASA astronaut would say, 'Houston, I'm so plastered, and I know one chick scientist worked REALLY hard on this and everything, but...my buddy owned a junkyard, couldn't protect me to save either of our lives, and...bros before hos. Scientifically, this has to be done. Hey, look! An asteroid! Let's go give it a kiss.' You know, guys?"

"Yes. We know.", replied Weiss, resuming once again, "So they travel to this new dimension to discover it's just as dark and bland as our world.", and mocked after a snippet of this part with Reed saying they did it, "'Don't you dare take off your Sub-Zero mask, if we come across Reptile in this Outworld, we wanna be evenly matched!', Reed would say that to Victor obviously.

Ruby and Yang noticed, "But here's something we'd think you'd never thought that they would come across in this movie. Something. Yeah! Goddamn something! I bet you thought they would NEVER get to that in this film!", just before the part where danger happens with the green liquid they found in the dimension and was starting to erupt.

"My God, Mountain Dew is working on another new flavor!", worried Blake and Weiss for this part, joking, "DON'T LET IT TOUCH YOU! OR MOST OF ALL, DRINK IT!"

Ruby stated, "Victor gets left behind, Ben gets covered in Cadbury Eggs, and Sue...despite not being there, SOMEHOW gets affected as well! Well, sorry babe, it's one small step for man! You just get their gamma farts. At least they should've have had one giant leap for mankind though. Life is fair."

Yang says, "It turns out Reed can now stretch incredibly far. We dare even say we call him...Mr. Fantastic?", chuckling, "No, no, no, just kidding. That'd be just like the comic book.", the next snippet with The Human Torch's powers for the first time.

"Boy, the origin story of the Flame Princess from Adventure Time is a lot more intense than we thought it would be.", Blake and Weiss both react, "Sue of course gets invisible powers, and Ben looks like an uneaten Rockbiter Cheeto."

When the scene shows Reed escaping and seeing Ben in his The Thing form, and Reed promises to come back for him, Ruby called out, "'And by 'come back', I mean a'bandon you, not help you in any way, and never return...!''", her friends laughing for a few moments while Ruby smiles when looking at her friends at the time, commenting, "Their's is a complicated love. Now if you excuse me, bathroom break.", leaving to go to the dorm's bathroom, while Yang, Blake and Weiss continue laughing for a few more moments.

To be continued...